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Interview with Shay

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How did you get your start in the Kink Community? What drew you to this lifestyle?

I came into the kink community in 2003, when my partner Stefanos and I were living in Minnesota. Prior to that, Stefanos had been involved in fetish event production, and we’d both done kinky bedroom play for pretty much as long as we’d been having sex. We were also both Live Action Role Players (LARPers), which is how we met, and that’s pretty damned kinky in our books! We started to go to Minnesota munches and play events, and met our mentor Koroban. That was very much the beginning of my time in the kink community.

Can you elaborate on your work in the community? What projects are you currently working on?

I recently finished getting selfsuspend.com up and running, and my biggest project right now is working on writing a book on self-suspension… which is incredibly time-consuming! I’m very inspired by “creating the work I want to see in the world” – when I first started with self-suspension, there were very few online resources, and no classes or mentors in my area. I ended up taking content from a partnered suspension context and adapting it myself, and basically being self-taught in a lot of areas. I try to think about what content would have been helpful for me when I was a curious beginner, and working on getting that information out there in a more accessible way.

You teach a wide range of subjects – can you talk about your process for developing classes?

Most of my classes are co-taught with my partner Stefanos, and our class list has developed slowly over the years. We were first inspired to present when we came back from Shibaricon (a large rope convention in Chicago). At the time we were part of a small Minnesota community that didn’t have much by way of formal classes available. Members of the youth group we were part of asked us to share our bondage knowledge, and our Remedial Ropes classes were born. Many of our classes have come about this way – a friend will tell us that they love watching us do cutting, or playful BDSM scenes, or pick-up play, and will ask “hey, can you teach me how to do that?” Due to my professional knowledge, I’m asked to present on medical and safety topics pretty frequently.

Generally our process has been that we start with broader classes, and then divide them into more focused classes as we hone the content. We presented locally, first in Minnesota and then in San Francisco, starting in 2005. We didn’t travel to present at our first convention until 2011, so we really took our time presenting and developing our classes on the local level before taking the “show on the road” as it were!

What is your favorite class to present, and why?

I’ve been super into presenting self-suspension, especially when I can make an afternoon intensive of it. I’ve worked really hard to make the content as accessible as possible – my goal is for everyone in the class to self-suspend and feel really good and accomplished having had that successful experience. My first exposures to shibari-style rope suspension made me feel really crappy and inadequate, like I wasn’t a worthy rope human, and I’m trying to give folks and experience of success and fun in their own ropes!

When I’m presenting with my partner Stefanos, our favorite class is It’s a Trap: Playful Scenes and Non-Bondage Predicaments. It’s a very demo-heavy class, and we usually have at least three stunt bottoms working with us, which always creates a fun and unique energy.

Do you structure your classes or just go off the cuff?

Our classes are ridiculously structured! I have detailed, pages long outlines that I print off and work from, which even includes the amount of time to spend on each subject. Of course, within that there is still quite a bit of space and each class is still unique and different – it’s an outline, not a script! For example, the outline might list that we have ten minutes to demo and discuss a toy ordering game as a negotiation tool, so that’s the broad strokes, but the exact execution of that will vary each time.

You’re known for your self-suspension performances, as well as curating shows that include kink and bondage performance. In your opinion, what makes for a great performer?

The biggest thing I’m always pushing performers to do is to create shorter acts. Less really is more! It’s hard to do a short performance, because it makes you really hone down your presentation, but putting in the work makes you really polished and focused. I always think about this quote from Woodrow Wilson, when he was asked how long it takes him to prepare a speech: “It depends. If I am to speak ten minutes, I need a week for preparation; if fifteen minutes, three days; if half an hour, two days; if an hour, I am ready now.” I’m interested in the TED-talks of bondage performances, and it takes a different level of preparation. If you’re doing a scene on stage and want to take 45 minutes, that’s fine (and some folks certainly prefer that type of performance, I’m not here to Twue Way on this), but that’s a very different type of performance than the acts I do, curate, and enjoy as an audience member. IMHO, there is a difference between “scene rope” and “performance rope” and I enjoy pushing the boundaries of that distinction.

What keeps you coming back to perform within the community?

There’s something so satisfying about coming up with a concept, music, costumes, and routine for a performance, just creating all that out of nothing at all and then getting to execute it on a stage is just incredible. When I first started doing rope performance, the vast majority of what I saw in terms of bondage on stage was shibari-style, men topping women… and I wanted to represent something outside of that. I’ve been performing (and creating performances) since childhood dance classes, so it’s something that’s always been part of my life. In addition, I’ve come to embrace that my “core kink” is exhibitionism. I don’t do much private play at all – I love being watched, so being on stage also feeds that!

How would you recommend that newcomers get started with learning bondage?

For folks just starting with rope, we do think that you can get a lot of basic safety information online, including sites like RemedialRopes.com. Mentoring and taking in-person classes is optimal, once you start to actually tie – many areas have rope classes, munches, or peer-led events. To supplement your in-person instruction, consider sites like KinkAcademy.com, which is a great place for tons of videos. Many instructors offer private lessons, as well, which is a great option if that is affordable for you. Get references on specific instructors and classes if you can – not all bondage instructors teach or tie in a style that will be a match with your bondage and/or learning preferences. I really recommend self-tying as a way to start – it teaches you about both rope topping and rope bottoming, and is a wonderful way to learn!

Can you give advice for individuals that want to learn new hard and soft skills? Dos and don’ts?

Don’t be afraid to learn online and from videos. I got most of my early suspension bondage education from YouTube – don’t let the rope snobs tell you that’s not a valid resource! I always recommend in-person instruction, but it’s not possible or accessible for everyone all the time, so videos can be a great way to supplement that. Also along those lines: DO get your information from multiple sources! Having someone mentor you in person, and also taking a few classes, and also reading some books, and also watching videos is optimal IMHO. You want to get a variety of perspectives and approaches!

What events are next on your schedule?

I’m producing the bondage and kink performance event Twisted Windows on the Friday of Folsom weekend (9/28) here in San Francisco, as well as numerous other local events (BENT, Self-Suspension Open Space, Master’s Den, etc). I help with programming for Dark Odyssey: Surrender, which is a weekend hotel kink conference in San Francisco, and am getting geared up for that event, as well as starting to plan 2019 travel!

About Shay and Stefanos

Stefanos & Shay are a vivacious, unconventional D/s couple whose entertaining, information-packed classes have been called “better than a Vegas act.” They identify as pansexual polyamorous playsluts, purveyors of perversion, and alliteration fetishists! They are based in San Francisco, where they host over 60 events a year (including BENT, Twisted Windows, Master’s Den, Self-Suspension Open Space, & Bondage-a-Go-Go) and were named King & Queen of Pervert’s Prom in 2006!

Shay is a medical professional by day, education director for Dark Odyssey: Surrender and writer/creator of bondage safety repositoryRemedialRopes.com by night, as well as a prominent self-suspender known for unique, dynamic rigs and prodigious performances. Stefanos is all kink all the time as DM & CEO of Bondage-a-Go-Go, event manager at the SF Citadel, and former Producer/Steward of The Upper Floor on Kink.com.

Stefanos & Shay have performed, presented, and hosted around the country and internationally, including at Dark Odyssey (Winter Fire, Surrender, & Fusion), Rome BDSM Conference, Thunder in the Mountains, KinkFest, RopeCraft, Northwest Leather Celebration, Westcoast Bound, San Francisco State University, Stanford University, OpenSF, Kinky Kollege, Beyond Leather, the SF Citadel, Mission Control, Center for Sex and Culture, the Exotic Erotic Ball, International Ms Leather, BayCon, COPE, Mischief in May, Folsom Fringe, and Cum & Glitter. They’ve also been featured on KinkAcademy.com, PassionateU.com, BehindKink, Discovery Channel’s Oddities, Skin Two, KinkUniversity, and in over half a dozen documentaries across the world.

For more from Stefanos & Shay, check out their bondage safety web site and the site for Twisted Windows, their kink performance event in San Francisco!

Shay also created a self-suspension web site! If you’d like to learn self-suspension, you can check out articles, video tutorials, and much more. Contact Shay for more information about self-suspension.

You can watch a video of one of our performances here

Stefanos was interviewed by Vice regarding Bondage-a-Go-Go and the SF kink scene — watch the interview here.

Interested in booking Stefanos & Shay to present or perform at your event? Contact us!

Be sure to check out their website too!

https://www.stefanosandshay.com/

On My Knees: Part 2

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Dominatrix: Mercenary Mistress
Photographer: Danny Stygion
Corset: FetCraft
MUA: Texas Dela Rosa
Shoes: Refuse To Be Usual
Location: Austin Dungeon

For Part 1 Click Here

We got up to the top floor of the hotel and Master instructed me to get on my knees by His hotel room door and He led me into the room by the leash on all fours. “Take off all of your clothes and show me your favorite position of submission” He ordered and I obeyed Him. I made sure to slowly take off my clothes so that He could take me in part by part.

My eyes were transfixed on His, not as a sign disrespect, but of the utmost respect and connection. When I was naked, I got on my knees and put my hands behind my head, hands clasped, back straight, chest out, eyes down.  It hurt not to look at Him in the eyes,  but I wanted to show Him complete submission. “Beautiful. Just beautiful” He said as He began to photograph me with His phone camera.

He went behind me and stood there for a few minutes. I waited patiently. “You have a beautiful body, Juliette” He told me as He grabbed the leash and pulled my neck back so I would look up at Him. He smiled at me and took my left breast into His hand, squeezed my nipple, played with it and stretched it out as far as it would go. He then took my right breast and did the same thing. “Whose tits are these?” He asked calmly. “They are yours, Master. I am all yours” I responded eagerly. He playfully slapped them, took His dick out of his pants and rubbed it all over my breasts but especially over my nipples. My nipples became hard in no time.

With my arms still behind my head, and my mind completely on wanting to obey, I stayed in my position as He continued to tease me with His dick. He guided my head down to watch his every move. His dick was fully erect. He then told me to stand and I did I was instructed to do. Hands behind my head still, He went behind me and took my arms and put them behind my back and made me stand there while He went through the suitcase He had left in his room earlier and suddenly I felt the cold metal of handcuffs surrounding my wrists. I loved the sound they made as He made them get tighter around each wrist.

He laid me down gently on my stomach, head down on the bed while my feet were on the floor. He went back to his suitcase. He came back to me and rolled a metal bar slowly down my back, onto my ass, and down my legs. It was then I realized He bought a spreader bar to use for me. I happily spread my legs wide for Him so that He could restrain me with it.

For the first time, I was completely at the mercy of a Master. It was also my first time being restrained by a spreader bar and with arms behind my back. Master began to finger me from behind, occasionally stopping to smack my ass with His dick, playfully. He went to His suitcase and suddenly I felt lube on my asshole. As one finger entered my ass, His dick began to enter my pussy. This was all for His pleasure, not mine, as I cum only from clitoral stimulation. He fucked me nice and slow while He fingered my asshole at the same pace. Then He took His finger out of my ass and replaced it with His dick. I hadn’t been fucked in my ass in years so it was a little painful at first but then He rubbed my clit while He fucked my ass and I came nice and hard. He could feel my vaginal walls clench despite being in my ass at the time. It was the first time anyone made me cum that way. He handled me like a pro.

I was left in awe of Him.

When He was done, He left me there to wait while he took a shower. I imagined what He looked like naked and thought about our elevator fun while I waited. When He came out, He was only in a towel and He went to the side of the bed to make sure I knew it. His shoulders were as sculpted and strong looking as they were in the pictures I saw of Him. His body was very attractive to me, even though parts of Him were covered by a towel. He was always gorgeous to me but seeing Him like that was a total turn on. I saw the outline of his dick in the towel and my pussy couldn’t stop pulsating. He unshackled my legs and told me what a good girl I was for laying there all quiet in the room while He showered. He instructed me to take a bath and then rinse off in the shower. I did as I was told. In the bath, He made sure to tease me. He watched as I soaked myself up with body wash all over my breasts, pussy and ass. His dick got stiff in the towel as I slowly played with my nipples and jiggled my breasts playfully for Him. He came over every once in awhile to play with a nipple or put His hand in the bath water and play with my clit. He was so good at teasing.

When I was out of the bath and shower, He told me to get on the bed. He had another surprise for me. He took out a sexy purple nightgown in my size. He then took off his towel and, to make me laugh, pretended to put the nightgown on but then quickly told me to raise my arms up and He dressed me like I was His doll. I am His doll. I stayed in my position on the bed with my beautiful new nightgown on, taking in the sight of my Master. His body in totality is delicious. He laid on the bed next to me and told me to get in between His legs and blow Him. I happily began to lick the head of his dick then put it in my mouth. I concentrated first on the head and then moved my way down and choked a little on His cock. He watched me the whole time, giving me little instruction as He already knew I knew what I was doing. I took His dick in and out of my throat for a few minutes and then rubbed it with my hand while I licked His balls. “Oh yes, Juliette. That’s it. Lick my balls” He demanded and I continued. His dick was rock solid. He took control for a second and slapped my face with it. “Spit on my cock you slut” He commanded and I spit as much as I could. He took His dick and rubbed it all over my face. I enjoyed every minute of it but put my eager tongue out to let Him know I wanted more.

He got up, told me to lay on the bed on my back with my head at the edge of the bed. “Mouth open, tongue out” He urged and I listened. He then slapped my tongue a few times with His dick before putting it all the way in my mouth. He fucked my throat with vigor and told me what a good little subby slut I was. He reached forward and rubbed my clit as he fucked my face. It was like no other sexual experience I have ever had before. Within minutes He and I came at the same time. It was incredible. That night He had me sleep at His feet, with His feet using me as a foot rest, right where I belong.

About the Author

Mistress Rayvyn is a 37 year old native New Yorker who has been in the lifestyle for 20 years. Her hobbies include photography, singing, writing, reading, talking to people from around the world on various messengers, cooking, baking, and playing rpgs of all kinds.

She only started writing BDSM erotica a year ago, but has been writing poetry and fictional stories since she was 14 years old. While her BDSM stories are fictional, they are comprised of the fetishes she and her following have. Some stories are catered to specific people in her life, others are fantasies of her own. She hopes to continue to build her following and get some constructive feedback along the way.

Relationship Dynamics

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Dominatrix: Mercenary Mistress
Photographer: Danny Stygion
Corset: FetCraft
MUA: Texas Dela Rosa
Shoes: Refuse To Be Usual
Location: Austin Dungeon

Relationship dynamics are so very individual.  Vanilla or kink, everyone has to develop their own working model.  The funny thing is that if you google the words “relationship dynamic definition,” you get a bunch of articles and book recommentations, but no actual definition.  I thought I’d take a stab at it.

Relationship:

noun
  1. the way in which two or more concepts, objects, or people are connected, or the state of being connected.
  2. The way in which two or more people or organizations regard and behave toward each other.

Dynamic:

adjective
  1. (of a process or system) characterized by constant change, activity, or progress.
noun
  1. a force that stimulates change or progress within a system or process.

Using the dictionary as our foundation, then, we can create a better definition than just waving our hands about to encompass BDSM and talking mystically about our dynamics, expecting others to nod along.  I argue we can define it thus:

Relationship dynamic:

  1. the way in which two or more people are connected and behave toward each other, characterized by constant change or progress.

I really like the part that implies that relationships are constantly growing and adapting, because that’s definitely how I see it.  The question then becomes how does one find the mythical “relationship dynamic” and wht kinds of dynamics can one build?

Obviously, the most common relationship structure that gets attention in Kink is that of a Dominant / submissive pairing, though polyamorous structures are possibly even more common.  I also tend to see quite a bit of literature on structuring Master / slave relationships.  Any of the relationships we build in the Kink Community can be as sexual or non-sexual as the participants desire.

The things we don’t tend to see as much of are pairings such as Handler / pet or even Daddy / little or middle or babygirl, Stag / vixen, and a host of other possible combinations.  Perhaps because I’ve been looking I have seen more informative writings about those types of relationships lately, though they have required me to search with more deliberation to find them.  It gets even more interesting when we begin to combine elements from different areas of kink into one relationship dynamic.  Perhaps an individual identifies as a submissive but also a primal prey.  It is easier to find a match in a Dominant Primal Hunter than when someone identifies in ways which seem conflicting.

Those large categories can often carry some societal assumptions, even within our more open-minded community.  Think for a moment of the word submissive.  We often make some broad generalizations about an individual who identifies that way.  We assume that person must either accept pain or be a masochist along with that submission, but those things don’t have to go together.

What happens to someone who clearly identifies as submissive bottom but who is also a sadist?  Does this person require poly structures to get what they want, since the likelihood of finding a Dominant masochist is smaller, or hold out hope of finding everything they need in one partner?  That is a decision only that person can make, but it reminds us that even broad categories can be confining.

It can become even more challenging when an individual identifies in more than two categories.  I identify as a babygirl, but also as a submissive and as a slave / property.  Finding a Daddy Domiant / Master was quite a challenge.  For me, though, the rewards of being able to develop a relationship dynamic which feeds more of what I need was well worth the effort it took to discover and develop it.

I get a lot of questions from people who are wanting to develop similar structures, or even other types of less common combinations, but are unsure how.  Prehaps they have read something I wrote and notice that I tend to swap back and forth between terms of address for my Dominant, and they are left with quesrions.  We are often faced with people who want others to be only one thing, to be more easily categorized.  That may work well for some, but there are many of us who don’t feel one category adequately describes either us or the relationships we build.  Sometimes it helps to look to others who have built similar structures and engage them in dialogue.  The one piece of advice I can offer is this.

Time.

There’s a song about time and patience.  Unfortunately, for those of us who want to build any relationship, we have to start from the ground up.  From individuals who only want a relationship which falls into one category to those who want theirs to span several, they all require participants to clearly communicate both their desires and their needs for the relationship.  Those things may be different, and deciding if something is a need vs a want can be challenging.

Once each individual has determined their needs and wants, they should communicate those to one another.  I find sitting with a written list can help ensure I’m not forgetting anything I felt was important enough to discuss.  I have a tendency to bunny trail a bit…

After having communicated, the relationship can be adjusted to accommodate those agreed-upon aspects, as well as to see what is working and what isn’t.  Perhaps it may even include adding additional elements that had been on the “want” portion of the list but which have transitioned to the “need” portion.  Those things rarely remain static in an individual, let alone a pairing or poly grouping.  This can be similar to a renegotiation, and may involve sitting down with lists again for a conversation, or can be as simple as a few words of agreement as an aspect comes up and requires attention.

I firmly believe that one of the most important characteristics of a healthy long-term relationship dynamic is fluidity.  The ability to adjust to the changes and emergencies life can often bring may make the difference in the longevity of the partnership.

Like any other structure, such as homes or boats, building a relationship dynamic requires time and effort to create something which will not crumble when stormy weather assails it.

About the Author

Christmas bunny has been exploring kink since she was legal to do so.  Her serious writing started in college, where she accidently got some of her papers published in educational journals.  She has recently expanded her writing to include her kink journey.  She began writing in the physical realm, but shed some of her inhibitions and began sharing those entries with others.  She now keeps an active blog of her personal growth and her relationship with her Master / Daddy Dominant and writes helpful educational posts on a variety of subjects.

Interview with Submissive Cupcake SinClair

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Rico J Coria Photography

Can you tell us a little about your background and how you got your start in the Kink Community?

I was a bit of an introvert growing up and had more books than friends back in the day! One day, I stumbled across Marquis de Sade’s book “Justine” and  my curiousity was peaked! I did my research and never looked back. I went to munches, then play parties, and eventually was lucky enough to end up working at one of the dungeons I frequented.

Can you tell us what fulfills you most about being a professional submissive?

As cliché as it sounds, the ability to allow people to express parts of themselves they might have originally felt ashamed of, as well as being able to educate through communication and vulnerability.

What is the biggest challenge you face with your job?

Primarily, creating a space that allows people the ability to give themselves permission to just be. As a pro-sub, many of our clients tend not to be lifestylers (whether due to a busy job, or partner complications, etc). With this being said, allowing people the space to communicate their interests and desires in a healthy way can be a little tough because in our society opening up to people – especially to strangers-may seem like a daunting task. Before play, first and foremost, I strive to create an atmosphere where clients can feel free to express themselves if they allow me to do so.

Do you feel that pro submissives are more at risk safety-wise than pro Doms? What are some precautionary measures you always make sure to take?

I can only speak from my experience, and my experience in being a pro-submissive has always been within a specific dungeon I work at. At our dungeon, we always have a negotiation prior to actual play to establish one another’s limits and expectations of what will happen within play. During play, we use safe words if needed, the doors do not lock, and typically the receptionist will keep time of the sessions, and use an intercom system to give “last ten minute” notifications, which I have to verbally respond to as a check-in system. I can’t gauge risk overall because I personally have never felt at-risk, and it would be irresponsible for me to guess.

What are your specialties?

I’m a bit of a Jill-of-all-trades! My specialty is being so versed in kink personally that I am able to take on the energy my partner desires in a scene, make it my own, and have fun! Some have told me, however, that I stand out in the areas of Ageplay Roleplay (DDLG, and ABDL) as well as petplay, impact, and protocol.

Do you find that pro submissives are rarer than other kinds of professionals in the Kink Community?

That’s an interesting question! Within the Kink Community I don’t believe so. However, when dealing with those who may not be in the community, pro-submissives are definitely considered a rarity. Mainstream television is filled with portrayals, interviews, and scenarios about Dominatrixes, so, when I mention that I’m a pro sub (and that pro-switches exist) most people initially have a hard time wrapping their head around it!

Do your own fetishes factor into your work? If so, how?

Partially! I’m lucky enough to be a pretty versatile play partner. So, apart from about three hard limits, I’m typically able to take on the energy that a client wants from me, make it my own, and find it enjoyable! That being said, it’s also useful because if a client comes in who is apprehensive or simply uncertain about certain fetishes, I can add my personal experience of engaging in it to make the experience relatable, and hopefully encourage them to feel open enough to explore it together with me. It’s amazing how often people fantasize about fetishes, but may be scared to act them out once they find a willing partner in real life, and I feel grateful that I’m able to help people through it.

Are you a lifestyler as well? If so, how do you separate your work and private life? Do you identify as a submissive in your personal life?

I’m definitely a lifestyler, and I do identify as submissive all around! The only time I will ever really “top” is for educational purposes, or in videos when I have a specific idea and don’t have a top available. Submissive doesn’t necessarily mean doormat though!

In terms of separating what I do in my professional life, there isn’t much of a clear line. However, the most concrete example I can think of is through my play style. While I’m a versatile sub and genuinely enjoy playing off of my partner’s energy for scenes, I do personally enjoy rougher, more intense scenes that push my limits as a masochist. What I am talking about tends to involve blood, (one example being that my favorite toy is literally a barbed wire bat named Lucille), and usually includes psychological manipulation. This cannot happen in a professional scene. Another example may be that in professional sessions there is more of a regard for my client, their experience, and their catharsis over mine – whereas, in my personal play it may be the opposite.

What is the most fun aspect of your job?

Being able to facilitate a variety of fetishes in one day! It’s so much fun having clients come in, and going from fetish to fetish through the span of a work day! It never gets dull and I’m always on my toes.

What do you feel your clients gain from sessions with you? What is unique about what you can offer your clients?

As cliché as it sounds, I feel my clients can gain the confidence to explore and communicate their fetishes with their partners or by themselves. I suppose I am unique in that there’s not many fetishes or kinks that I’m not versed in. Because I’m a huge kinkster as well, I can happily provide the space for clients to become educated,  be encouraged, and feel comfortable enough to explore.

Do you feel you have grown personally from being a pro submissive? If so, how? Have your clients grown from sessions with you? If so, how?

Quite so! If clients learned from me and I learned nothing back it would be such a stagnant process. I feel I’ve personally grown in my ability to establish boundaries, communicate effectively, and facilitate negotiations that cover a wide basis in order to prepare both parties, and help create a more comfortable experience. And I hope that my clients learn the same, along with (if needed) how to safely engage in different aspects of BDSM play.

What would you say is the best advice you can offer those looking to be a pro submissive?

For those seeking to be a professional submissive, please have a gauge of what you are into as well as your limits. If you’re uncertain about certain areas of kink, don’t be afraid to speak up and acknowledge them when negotiating with a client – or if you’re able to try it on your own, do so! Not having a firm idea of your boundaries and interests not only does you a disservice, it does the client one as well!

What is the best advice you can give to those wanting to find a pro submissive?

Please be respectful of boundaries, and research the submissive you are interested in seeing! Just like every person, we all have our own unique specialties and limits, and are not one size fits all. That being said, while not always necessary, an idea of what you were hoping to experience always helps, so, when negotiating the submissive has a better idea of the scene, and is less likely to feel caught off guard. Also, don’t be afraid if you haven’t the slightest clue of what you want! It’s natural to be nervous, but rest assured there is a desire to help make your fetishes come to life as much as possible, and there is no judgement.

What do you love the most about working at Sanctuary?

The sense of family and closeness to community! I don’t have much of a bio family. Because of this, being able to have a chosen family that I can work, grow, and learn with is an opportunity I never would have dreamed of. It literally is a sanctuary!

How do your core values govern your professional and personal life concerning kink?

I go by two values:

The first is “The 4Cs” created by The Center for Positive Sexuality – “Consent, Communication, Caring, and Caution”

The second is more prevalent in the kink community and it is RACK – “Risk, Aware, Consensual, Kink”

Both of them are important and powerful values when combined. The 4Cs apply greatly to my professional kink work, while RACK is powerful for my personal kink life. In professional kink work, following the 4Cs can be a great guide in helping to enhance a scene and making it as meaningful as possible -with all parties aware of boundaries and needs while doing so.

What do you feel is the most important thing to remember concerning power exchange?

In my opinion, in a power exchange it is important to remember that Dominant does not mean asshole (unless consented to), and submissive does not mean doormat (unless consented to)! And even then, joking aside, those terms can be interpreted differently from person to person! Power exchanges can only take place when both parties give consent for it to occur, and are aware of one another’s expectations, boundaries, and needs while doing so.

Any closing words?

Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to share my perspective! If people are interested in seeing me in action, but are too far to play with me at Sanctuary Studios LAX, I have a kinky clip store that showcases a variety of  fetishes that I am into, along with things I may not be available to do in person (www.clips4sale.com/97659). I am also on twitter @subbie_cupcake! Thank you again for your time!

About Submissive Cupcake SinClair

Cupcake SinClair is a lifestyle and professional submissive of 5+ years at Sanctuary LAX, who has also participated in performance bottoming for fetish oriented parties (such as the monthly Club Anarchy Parties hosted by Sanctuary, DomCon LA 2015, and Threshold’s Kinky Valentine party). Whether it is heavy impact, an intense rope scene, role play, or service and high protocol oriented submission, she enjoys a wide variety of play that pushes and explores her limits, and particularly enjoys participating in community events to better learn about the diverse lifestyle she plays within.
Be sure to check out her website: https://cupcake-sinclair.wixsite.com/sinfullysweet

Navigating Negotiations With Chronic Pain or Illness

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I write from my own experiences and from the submissive perspective.  I realize there are many s-type identifiers (slave/sub/bottom/brat, etc.) and many D-Type identifiers (Master/Dom/Top/etc.). However, for the sake of simplicity for this article, I will use sub and Dom going forward. The same is true of gender identifiers that correspond with s-types and D-Types. However, again, for the sake of simplicity for this article, I will use she/her for sub and he/him for Dom.

How do you negotiate a scene when you have a chronic physical condition or limitation, especially one that is not immediately noticeable to the naked eye?

Invisible illness and chronic pain can be especially difficult to navigate because we look perfectly fine to everyone around us. However, we’re typically working overtime to make it appear as if we’re fine while we’re actually in excruciating pain.

This can lead to questions, fears, and concerns like:

  1. How much information about my condition do I need to reveal to a new play partner?
  2. At what point in our play relationship do I reveal the WHOLE STORY about my illness or condition?
  3. What if I tell my play partner about my condition, and they are fearful or do not wish to play with me?

So…Let’s tackle each of these questions one at a time.

First, how much information about my condition do I need to reveal to a new play partner?

There are a couple of possible ways to approach this. You could reveal just enough so your partner has the information necessary in order to keep you safe and not cause additional harm while still maintaining your privacy.  For example, my pain is primarily in my right leg, hip, and pelvis. So, I must tell my play partners not to hit me too hard on that side, or when doing any kind of rope bondage not to leave me standing on just my right leg or to bind my right leg too tight. With a new partner I do not go into the history of why I have this pain or the illness that caused it (However, you can now read all about this in the last article I wrote for KinkWeekly).

The other way of approaching negotiations would be to reveal everything in an attempt to be completely transparent. I applaud anyone who would be willing to do this with a virtual stranger or acquaintance. Perhaps, this would work with a friend or someone you’ve known for some time and are just now starting to play with. However, in my opinion and from personal experience, I don’t think it’s necessary when you are first starting to play with someone to disclose everything. You only need to disclose as much as you are comfortable with while also giving your partner the necessary information to keep you safe.  Ultimately, it comes down to what makes you comfortable and the level of trust you have with your partner.

Next, at what point in our play relationship do I reveal the WHOLE STORY about my illness or condition?

I capitalize WHOLE STORY in this question because for me, my chronic pain is the result of a 10 year struggle with a chronic illness that is quite personal. It’s taken me a very long time to be willing to talk about it privately, let alone publicly.  I only recently told my WHOLE STORY to a play partner with whom I’ve been playing for quite some time. He had questions, but his response was otherwise very positive and supportive. In the beginning, I was cautious and gave only enough information to keep myself safe and make sure he did not cause further damage to my body. If there was anything happening in a scene that I knew would not work with my body, I spoke up. Otherwise, I didn’t feel like I had to immediately disclose very personal medical and health information until our play relationship progressed, and I felt I could trust this individual.  Trust is paramount. If you cannot trust the person you are negotiating with to a certain degree, you should not be playing with them in the first place, especially if you have a medical condition. Do you know their reputation? Are you confident in their skill level? Have you seen them play with other people? Are they established in the Community?

I am writing from the perspective of a submissive, but let’s not forget about the other side of the slash. It’s just as important for Dominants to inform their partners regarding any conditions that may affect how they play or things that could cause them real harm in a scene. Just because they are in charge of a scene, does not mean Doms are exempt from informing their sub(s) about something as serious as a medical condition that could affect the scene or the health or safety of either party. A favorite example of mine is: perhaps the Dom is diabetic and this is the first time the two are playing together. It’s impossible to tell by looking at someone if they are diabetic, so it would be necessary for the Dom to disclose this to the sub for many reasons. For example, he may need to take a break during the scene for a snack if his blood sugar is getting low. It’s best for the sub to be aware ahead of time that this may happen, so she is not caught off guard during the scene. What if the sub is bound, and the Dom has a diabetic attack and passes out? The sub needs to be able to respond to this and know what is happening. I realize these situations may sound extreme, but they are completely possible.

Lastly, what if I tell my play partner about my condition, and they are fearful or do not wish to play with me?

It is possible that some people may react this way. However, there are some things you can do to mitigate fear and make all parties more comfortable. Be as open as you comfortably can be about your situation and answer your partner’s questions. Allowing your partner to ask questions during negotiation regarding your limitations and medical issues and giving open, honest answers can go a long way towards making them more comfortable with the situation. Be clear about anything you may need during or after play to insure yours and your partner’s safety. Let your partner know specifically if there is anything they cannot do or anything they need to have on hand that is out of the ordinary for you. Ask your partner if there is anything you can do to ease their mind or make them more comfortable. Remember, you are in this together. Clear, honest communication and a little extra preparation can make all the difference when negotiating a scene involving individuals with any kind of chronic pain or illnesses. Ultimately, you have no control over someone else or how they are going to react. It may be difficult, but if they simply cannot handle the responsibility of playing with someone who has some limitations, it’s best to move on.

Some final thoughts….

Checking in every time you play with someone is always a good idea. Don’t assume that just because you’ve told your partner once about your condition they will remember every time, especially with a newer partner.  Also, the sub is just as responsible (or more responsible) as the Dom for checking in and speaking up about how they are feeling and what is going on with them physically and mentally before play. It’s not pushy or controlling to express your needs during the negotiation process and to take care of yourself. You are not “topping from the bottom” or any of those other things outspoken subs are often labeled. Talking about these things is exactly what negotiation is for. It’s a huge red flag if any Dom is not interested in listening to your needs and wants- especially regarding your physical safety.

The sub is also 100% responsible for their own safety during play. Your Dom is incapable of knowing if something he is doing is truly causing you harm. If it is, speak up. Use your safe word or  if possible, gently let your Dom know to make a change or adjustment to what he is doing. This does not mean you must stop the scene altogether. This is where the negotiating comes in. Because you have already talked about your illness or limitations, if you make a small request during a scene due to a physical condition or illness, your Dom won’t be surprised. He will be much more aware and receptive to you speaking up. Also, a small adjustment will be much less likely to disrupt the rhythm and energy of the scene if you’re both on the same page.

What are situations, positive or negative, that you have encountered surrounding negotiating a scene involving chronic pain or having to disclose a medical condition to a play partner? I would love to hear your thoughts and perspectives on this topic. Please share in the comments section.

About the Author

When looking for a way to turn what had always been kinky ideas and submissive desires into a tangible reality, blushangel discovered the Los Angeles BDSM Community a little over 2 years ago and has not looked back. Besides exploring kink and submission, her favorite things are yoga, the beach, and incorporating her love of fashion into her fetishes of corsetry, lingerie, and erotic photography.

How About A Little Personal Responsibility Here?

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I am going to start this off by dispelling some rumors, and I am sure people may get upset with me, but oh well. So be it. We all came to like kink because we “Chose” to participate. I know, what a concept, right?

I know you are all nodding your heads right now. Now, here is where I get myself into trouble. Whatever role you decided to be was a “Choice”. Don’t make me bold it and use all caps (because I will). Seriously though, we choose almost everything we do here in this thing called life.

So, why do so many people shuck their personal responsibility like it wasn’t a choice to do so?People choose to go to munches, dungeons, play parties, gatherings, and other events. Now, I want to make this clear so nobody gets picky on me. There are plenty of terrible individuals out there that do terrible things to people who are unsuspecting, new, naive, or oblivious. With this being said, I don’t hold those who are victimized responsible for the actions of the horrible individuals who exhibited predatory behavior. There will always be terrible people out there; try your best to avoid them.

Lately, I have been hearing a lot of people over the last few years say, “I have a slave heart” or “I am truly DOMINANT and a Master/Mistress.” Ok, this maybe true, but in both instances the people involved chose to partake in these roles. The person who says they have a slave heart, what do you mean? Does this mean you want serve everyone all the time? Is this what you would like to choose? If it is and that is what you enjoy, then awesome, but own it. If you are truly DOMINANT, who is choosing to let you dominant them? Just because you say these things means nothing unless someone is willing to give up their power to feed into yours. When this does occur, are they really giving up complete control? In my opinion, in most instances, people should be able to still say NO or better yet Yellow, or how about RED!!!!

These titles we give ourselves don’t define us entirely either. We all have multiple sides to our lives, well usually. Even the Pro Domme has to submit sometimes (in various ways. We all do at one time or another). She doesn’t always walk around in latex (I don’t know why not) and 6 inch heels. Sometimes, she goes to the gym, to coffee, to graduate school classes, or to the grocery store, I know that is what submissives are for (mildly joking here). My point is, we all have other responsibilities, and as much as we would love to be a slave/sub or a Master/Mistress, we might have to go to work sometimes, and actually be the dominant there or maybe the submissive. With this being said, in our private fantasy lives we are choosing to portray these roles. However, at the end of the day we are all personally responsible for our actions no matter what role one chooses.

We talk a lot about consent, and often don’t talk about our personal responsibility within play scenarios and interactions. It isn’t one sided either because there are two or more involved in this. Two or more form a dynamic to create a scenario of play. All parties are responsible for their choice to participate. We are not absolved of this in our regular day to day lives, so why do we think we can say, “Ahh, Fuck It!” when it comes to our kinky lives?

I heard recently at a party that, “It is the Top’s responsibility to know when I have had enough.” Of course me being me, I asked, “Sole responsibility or partial responsibility?” Didn’t get an answer.

Once again, I am not saying that people should avoid signs. However, as a responsible bottom shouldn’t you during negotiation talk about your limits even if the other parties don’t? You must take responsibility for yourself even if you identify as an s-type.

In closing, on the other side of this is the Top/D-type, and if they decide to overlook the fact that the other person didn’t mention certain things. Maybe, they are new or maybe, they are really excited or maybe, and I know no one ever does this, but maybe they are under the influence.

Now, as the Top/D-type isn’t that the person’s responsibility to know and almost be the authority or lead in these scenarios? Don’t they have an obligation to learn about those they are going to play with? I know that someone saying they don’t like something isn’t sexy, but I am sure there is something you have in common, or maybe you don’t, and instead of forcing something that could end in not such a good way, it’s better to take RESPONSIBILITY and make the CHOICE not to engage in play if the people talking about play do not align in some major way.

I will end it with this. I might be alone or I might be crazy (getting checked next week) or maybe I am as the youngsters say, “OLD SCHOOL” or just plain old. I really believe that when we communicate effectively with each other great things can happen, or better yet, bad things have a tendency to happen a lot less.

About the Author

Jay has been around the Kink Community for 20 years or so and has explored a lot of different things in that time. Jay has known he enjoyed the s side of the slash since he first began his journey-all though at first he didn’t know what it really was, but he just seemed to like it. He also is a latex fetishist with a really big like for exploring edgier types of play, and has been known to indulge in interrogation, intense predicament bondage, heavy sensory deprivation play, breath play, and many other interesting kinks and fetishes. Jay is also an active outdoor enthusiast with a love of skiing, rock climbing, cycling, mountain biking, flying, hiking, and paddle boarding.  He also indulges in movies, books, art, music, and is an avid fan of baseball both playing and watching.
Over the last 8 years Jay has also delved into teaching and educating on many different topics. He created a sub panel, which he presented at Stockroom University on several occasions. With a few other male submissives he helped form the Sub Male Support Group for LA as well.
On several occasions Dr. Patti Briton has asked  Mistress Hudsy Hawn, Jay, and others to educate future sex therapists on the subject of kink. He has had the opportunity to speak several times about the Art of Saying NO, helping to give people a voice in the community, and not being afraid to stand up for themselves.  Jay also had the chance to do a Ted Talk at the Threshold Clubhouse on how wearing latex can be turned into an entire scene, and has had the amazing opportunity to be a demo bottom on several occasions for Midori, Mistress Morgan Sterling, Miss Hudsy Hawn, and The Baroness Kitty.
Furthermore, Jay was asked to copresent a class on negotiation with Jennifer Masri at the Threshold Clubhouse.  Recently Mistress Bella Bathory and Jay were able to go to USC and present to graduate and under graduate students about the kink lifestyle and what BDSM really means. Jay is always giving of his time and knowledge in the scene, and attends munches, support groups, talks, and gatherings.

Chapter Two of “Dominatrix Boss: A BDSM Femdom Tale”

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Illustration by Dirk Hooper

Ava’s Office

My mind was racing as I went back to my office. I had a little over an hour to worry about why Ava had asked me to come to her office. After getting caught staring at her, I didn’t imagine it was good news.

I had been with the company nearly as long as she had. She hired me and I’ve worked in her division ever since. When I wasn’t distracted by her I did my job well and we had developed a cordial work friendship. Obviously, I wanted much more, but there was no chance of that. I had to be content with looking at her when I got the chance, and feverish masturbation every evening.

I ate a cold ham sandwich and surfed the Internet on my lunch break. I tried to get that meeting out of my mind and worried endlessly about what Ava was going to say to me. Maybe it was nothing. Maybe she had a project for me or something. I was sure that was all.

Ava was beautiful, and I always thought she was, but she had gone through an ugly divorce and it clearly hurt her for a while. She let her appearance go, gained some weight and wore clothes like armor. It was during this time I reached out to her and we even went to lunch together a few times. I almost had the nerve to ask her out, but I figured that it was a bad idea because she was my boss. There was just too much to lose if it went wrong, and why would she want to date an overweight underling anyway?

She shared a lot with me over that time. I’m a good listener. Soon, she was complaining to me about her ex-husband.

Then over the course of one year, she began to make some changes. It started with eye surgery to get rid of her glasses. She grew her hair out again. Ava hired a personal trainer. It wasn’t long before she was running in marathons. As she lost weight she updated her wardrobe. Her skirts got shorter and she bought those expensive stiletto heels. In a year she had refined her look in every way. She wasn’t just beautiful to me, she was beautiful to everyone.

We talked less and less as her lunches were filled with visits to the gym and interest from other men. I missed my opportunity to make more out of our visits. Now that she was hot, my infatuation with her was from a distance.

As my lunch break concluded I was convinced that she just needed my help with some work problem. I went to the public bathroom on our floor and brushed my teeth before I headed to her office. If she got close, I didn’t want her to smell my lunch.

Ava had a corner office that was large and private. When I walked in Ava was typing on her computer. She looked up and said, “Tim, close the door behind you.”

After shutting the door, I turned around to walk across her office. It was large with warm recessed lighting, a lounge area with leather furniture and an impressive cherry wood bookcase for a wall. Her desk was also cherry wood and took up half the width of the room. It was impressive too, but the word that came to mind right now was “intimidating.”

“Sit down Tim,” she said with a chill in her voice. I slowly found a seat in one of the chairs in front of her desk. It was soft and should have been more comfortable, but now I was worried again.

Ava moved her computer monitor to the side and leaned forward on her desk. Her cleavage was right there but I was in no position to be looking. She took a long pause before she spoke, “Tim, you’re a good employee and your evaluations are always positive, but there’s a problem we need to address.”

I nodded my head as my throat went dry.

“During the meeting today you were staring at my chest.”

My heart sank. I opened my mouth to speak…

She raised her hand, “There’s no use denying it Tim. Not only did I see it, but so did the everyone in the meeting. I’m insulted, and you’ve put me in a bad position here.”

“I-I’m so sorry,” I said. I couldn’t look up at her. This was bad.

“That’s not all Tim. There’s something else,” she emphasized as she rose from her chair. Ava grabbed a small stack of papers off her desk and walked them around the desk to place in my hands. I looked in horror as I saw all the websites I had visited at work over the past month. While most were innocuous, some of them were fetish sites, and of those, most were about female domination. She stood over me and let me stew for a moment as I flipped through the pages. When I looked up from the page it was slow and cautious.

She was looking down at me. I felt so small and embarrassed.

“Staring at me is one thing. It would be well within protocol to write you up for that alone. However, these websites are a violation of company Internet policy and subject to immediate termination… at my discretion.”

My mouth dropped open and I struggled to say something. I needed this job.

Ava grabbed the papers from my hands and leaned on the edge of her desk. She crossed her ankles and started thumbing through the log of websites. “What is ‘femdom’ Tim?”

“Oh… Ava, are you sure you want me to…”

“Let’s hear it, Tim. I want to know what’s so important that you would risk your job.”

“Well… it means female domination.”

“And that is…”

“Ava…”

“No, I want to know.”

“It’s when someone is submissive to a dominant woman. It’s a type of relationship where the woman is completely in charge.”

“Keep going…”

“It often involves humiliation, corporal punishment, chastity, or service,” just talking about this was both excruciatingly embarrassing and, unfortunately, exciting to me. “Really, whatever the woman wants.”

She clicked her tongue, “What you do on your own time is your business Tim, but surely you don’t think it’s appropriate to look at sites like that at work?”

“No… no, no, no… I shouldn’t have ever done that. I’m so embarrassed. If you’ll forgive me I promise to never do that again,” I looked up at her, but she was still looking at the pages.

Ava sat the pages down on her desk and leaned forward, she was inches from my face. I could smell her perfume this close, she told me long ago it was Elizabeth Arden Provocative Woman, and it was intoxicating. “You’re going to have to do better than that.”

She emphasized every word of this next sentence, “I want to hear you beg for your job.”

I took in a sharp breath of air. I felt my cock swell in my pants. Was she fucking with me? Was she serious? I really needed this job. “P-please don’t fire me, Ava. I won’t ever do it again. I need this job. Please!”

An almost imperceptible smile curled at the edge of her lips as I debased myself in front of her, “That’s not bad Tim, but I’m still not really convinced. I need more from you.”

I still couldn’t tell if this was serious or not, but I knew for sure that if she wanted to fire me that it was well within her power and she had every right to do it. I also knew that this job would be very difficult to replace. It didn’t really matter if this was for real. And, I knew one more thing–Ava having this level of power over me was making me scared, and aroused, at the same time.

“What do you need from me, Ava?”

Ava deliberately sat up on her desk, crossed her legs and dangled one of her stiletto-heeled shoes in front of me, “I want you to push that chair away, kneel down and give me a foot rub. If you do well enough, you can keep your job.”

Without hesitation, I got up, scooted the heavy chair to the side and knelt in front of her. I had imagined doing this many times and nothing ever prepared me for the feeling of really, actually, doing it.

Her foot was about chest-high. I gently took her expensive shoe off and laid it on the floor. I wanted to look up at her, but I knew that was wrong, even if she didn’t know what was proper in a BDSM relationship. I concentrated on the task at hand.

I cupped her heel in my left hand and began to run the base of my right hand slowly up her arch. I could feel the warmth of her foot through the soft nylons she was wearing. I pushed deeper into her arch with the meat of my hand, working from her heel to the ball of her foot. An audible sigh came from her as she began to relax.

Using my thumbs I worked her arch vigorously and then spread out to the ball of her foot and her heel. As I rubbed, the smell of her foot became more pronounced. The intimacy of smelling her feet in this way was absolutely thrilling. As she relaxed more, I could feel my cock grow in my pants. It was unavoidable. It felt like destiny.

More than anything, I wanted her to enjoy what I was doing. I have never put so much effort into a simple foot rub. I wanted to show her that I took this very seriously. My job was important, but nothing was as important to me as making Ava happy right now.

I manipulated her toes and gently rolled them individually with the tips of my fingers, then rubbed her foot all over, between my hands to finish. I looked up at her for approval. She said, “Now the other,” and re-crossed her legs so her left foot was in front of me.

Everything I had done before was repeated. I was careful to not rush anything. Touching her, and hopefully pleasing her, was everything to me. Kneeling before her was a dream come true. Near the end, my heart was beating so fast that I could feel it in my chest.

When I was finished, I carefully put both shoes back on her feet and sat quietly waiting for what came next.

Ava took in a long deep breath and let it out, “That wasn’t so bad, Tim. I suppose you can keep your job. For now.” She stood up and walked back behind her desk.

“Get up and put that chair in the right place,” she said with increased conviction.

Standing up, I moved the chair back to its original position. Ava laughed.

“I guess you enjoyed yourself,” she said while staring at my crotch. My cock was tenting against my pants.

“Y-yes, Ava.”

“What I want you to do is return to your office with your erection and get to work. No more surfing websites. No more staring at me. I want you to work harder than ever before, Tim. Do you understand me?”

“Yes, Ava.”

“Then get back to work. Now.”

I turned around and sprinted to the door. That walk from her office to my office was going to be embarrassing as hell with my swollen penis. I prayed that no one would see me on my way back.

…

“Dominatrix Boss: A BDSM Tale” by Asher Lake is available now through Amazon.

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07GYM1TPW/

…

About Asher Lake

Two decades of real-life experience, as both dominant and submissive, fuel Lake’s narratives with real scenarios, real training methods, and authentic emotions.

It is the author’s greatest desire that Lake’s work will excite those who are in the community and inspire those who are interested to explore further. Asher Lake is a professional writer, who has been published as a poet, a comic writer, and has written articles for many major publications.

“Dominatrix Boss: A Femdom Tale” is Lake’s debut novel and is working on a follow-up right now.

Farewell

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Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction, and we are in no way advocates of any kind of abuse, non-consensual behavior, crossing any hard limits, putting any one in harm’s way (physically/mentally/emotionally/spiritually), or violating one’s boundaries/what was pre-negotiated. Power exchange and anything else one engages in should always be a positive experience and not cause any kind of physical, mental, or emotional harm or damage.

With this being said, enjoy the story!

He did not like to be blindfolded. Or gagged. Or bound.

He was used to being the one in control – the one who had the power to determine the pace of activities, what would happen, and when. Bindings, gags, restraints – those were to be used on others, not on him. He had always been the Dominant in the relationship.

But he had transgressed. He had broken their arrangement-which was why he stood, leather cuffs around ankles and wrists, bound to a wooden X-frame, naked except for the metal cage around his cock, the O-ring gag in his mouth, and the leather blindfold covering his eyes. He knew where he was; he had chosen it.

There was a rather lovely bed just a few feet in front of him. He had spent many nights on a bed very much like that one being pleasured by his pet, enjoying the feel of her body, the enthusiasm of her service to him, and her desire to please.

His ears were uncovered; he could hear the door open and the sounds of voices. Hers he recognized immediately, although he did not recognize the male voice. It was deep and rich, which did not surprise him, although it did send pangs of jealousy through him.

The voices came closer and the bedroom door opened.

“So, that’s him, huh?” the male voice asked.

“It is,” she replied. He hated hearing the contempt in her voice. How many times he had been thrilled to hear her address him as “Sir” he could not recall. He doubted he would hear it again.

“You’re sure you want to do this?”

“I am. I really am,” she admitted. “Get on the bed and get comfortable. Don’t get naked though, not yet. I’ll be right there.”

He heard her footsteps get closer to him, then he felt one of her hands lightly touch his cheek while the other went to his caged manhood, gently fondling him, sending blood rushing to the delicate anatomy, only to be frustrated as the contraption prevented his erection.

“How long has it been since this has had the attention you want it to? Two months? Three months? How long has it been since you’ve been with her? And even longer since you’ve been with me.”

He couldn’t speak to answer, but he grunted and nodded his head in affirmation.

“Your release doesn’t come today either,” she stated, cruelty tinging her voice. Her fingers tightened around his balls, making him wince. “However, I’m not going to leave you totally unpleasured either.”

She stepped away and he could sense her moving behind the frame. When he felt her finger between his ass cheeks, he knew what to expect, and moments later, he felt a cold, slimy substance coating his asshole. When she shoved the vibrator in place, he knew to expect it, although he wasn’t expecting the toy to be quite that large. She switched it on, and the buzzing hit him in exactly the right spot, only for the cage to continue to frustrate and hurt as it blocked him from growing hard.

Resuming her place in front of him, she slipped his blindfold off. “I wasn’t sure which would bother you more, hearing me moan and beg and scream for him, not being able to see, or having to watch. Once I got to see what was in his pants, I knew which way this had to go. Now, enjoy.” Her anger with him was unmistakable.

She had already stripped down to a red lace bra and panty set that had been one of his favorite things to see on her, clearly chosen by her for that reason. She turned away from him, and his gaze was immediately drawn to her exquisite ass, the lace of the panties stretched perfectly across her firm cheeks. He could only watch as she knelt onto the bed and began to crawl her way up to the stranger’s body.

For the first time, he took in the man who was going to use his former pet before his eyes. The man was slightly taller than he, slightly more muscular in build. His beard was trimmed in a close cut goatee, and his skin was olive and tanned, probably of Italian or Mediterranean descent. The man was stroking an impressive looking bulge through his jeans as his former pet crawled closer. She rubbed her face against the bulge, inhaling audibly as she did so, and the man took his hands away.

“You smell incredible,” she said. “Mouth-watering. I need to taste you.”

“Go right ahead, Slut,” the man said, which sent a twinge of anger through the bound man. Not only because of the familiarity the phrase suggested, but also because that word angered him when applied to her. She had been his pet, something to be cherished and protected. “Slut” reduced her in ways that he had never been comfortable with. But then, she wasn’t his anymore, was she?

“With pleasure, Master,” she said, the phrase hurting him far more than the restraint around his cock ever could. He couldn’t help but be aroused watching her unzip Master’s pants, and fishing out his thick cock. She turned her head back to look at him, licking her lips exaggeratedly. “I cannot wait to taste you.”

Turning her head back, her tongue snaked out, languidly traveling from the head of the thick member down to his heavy, hairy balls. Master groaned and wound his fingers in her hair. “That’s a good, Slut,” he said, his eyes closing in pleasure. She continued to bathe his cock with her tongue, and when it was well and truly wet with his precum and her saliva, she parted her lips and teeth wide and took him in deep, her lips coming to rest at the base of his cock as she buried the throbbing dick  in her throat.

The bound man groaned in anguish, mirroring the moan of pleasure the Master had released. He knew too well the pleasures that her mouth could bring, and it was horrible being forced to watch another man receive it. Slut’s head began to bob up and down as her hands played with Master’s balls, and Master let out another groan.

“My Slut is greedy today, isn’t she? She wants to taste Master’s cum?” His hands tightened, and he began to force Slut’s head down on his cock. The bound man knew that she had little gag reflex, but Master was fucking her face deeply enough that he could hear her start to choke on the thickness wedged in her throat.

Master relented for a moment,  pulled her head back, and an obscene “pop” accompanying the sound of her lips breaking the seal with his cock could be heard across the room.

“Yes, Master. Fill my mouth with your cum. I want to taste you, I want to swallow you, I want to drink you deep,” she chimed.

Slut greedily resumed her activities, making Master’s cock disappear down her throat again. She was frenzied, sucking him with greed and gusto, her hands working his balls and the shaft of his cock, doing all that she could to get Master to explode in her mouth. The bound man could only watch in horror. In their previous encounters, she had never been able to get him to cum in her mouth. He had always stopped her, preferring to finish inside her pussy. She had often talked to him about how badly she wanted to drink him, and he had promised her that the next time, she would be allowed. As his pet, he had looked forward to that. Watching her do it as another man’s Slut was the worst thing he had ever seen.

“That’s it, that’s it…. Ugh… Such a hot mouth on my Slut… Do it! Use your tongue! Yeah! That! Right… fucking…. there…. ARRRRGGGHHH!!” Master screamed as his hands came down on the back of Slut’s head, forcing himself deep inside her as he came. The bound man could only look on in horror as Master’s body convulsed as he emptied his balls in Slut’s mouth.

When Master released her head, she pulled back weakly. Some of Master’s cum had overflowed, and leaked out of her mouth, dripping past her lips. She turned her head away from Master to look at the bound man as her tongue snaked out, picking up some of the stray cum. Her manicured fingernail came and wiped the remaining excess away, and she slowly sucked that finger into her mouth, slowly withdrawing it to show that it had been completely cleaned of Master’s semen. Her eyes locked with his as she clearly said “Yum.” Only after tears came to the bound man’s eyes did she turn away to look back to her Master. She climbed up his body, resting her head on his chest. Her hand went back down to Master’s slowly deflating cock and she began to gently play with it. “I want more. I want to feel this inside of my wet cunt. I’m so wet, so tight, so ready for you to fuck me. To claim me. To own me.”

“That’s good, Slut. But I do need just a minute. How about we see what you can do to inspire me? Dance for me, Slut. Make me hard and ready for you.”

She stood, rising off the bed, and began to dance. He had known she studied dance, including burlesque. She had promised that she would show him someday. He had never expected it to be like this, watching her dance for her new Master.

She moved sinuously, like a snake, body writhing in ways that could make you imagine an invisible partner there with her, touching her, guiding her. She arched her back towards her non-existent lover’s touch, breasts thrust out to feel his body heat. Her hands went behind her, unhooking her bra, revealing her modest but exquisite breasts to the world, her nipples already hard with excitement. He could see the look of hunger on Master’s face, and watched as Master’s cock began to harden once more. Slut licked her lips while gazing at Master’s manhood, and brought her hands between her legs, stroking up her thighs to the seat of her lacy red panties, which had a growing wet spot from her arousal.

She turned away from Master as she bent over at her waist, putting her exquisite ass directly in line with Master’s sight. She locked eyes with him as she sensually pulled her panties down, revealing her sex to Master, but it was to the bound man that she spoke to.

“I am so wet, so tight, so ready. I want to be filled by that cock. I want to feel it pounding into me. Pin me to the bed, hurt me, just fuck me. Fuck me as hard as you can. I want to be bruised. I want to be hurt. I want to be claimed. I want that thickness filling me, thrusting in and out of my wet pussy.” Slut’s eyes remained focused on him, and for just a moment, he could imagine she was still his pet, that the offer she was making was for him. But then he saw the look of dismissal in her eyes, and he realized how fully he had lost her.

She stood back up, and for a moment, he could see her pussy – the pussy he had longed for, and craved. She was trimmed short, fine brown hairs not quite obscuring the sight of her lips, which were engorged with her arousal. She turned away from him, back to Master, and walked over to him. “May I ride you, Master?” she asked as she looked down to see his now fully erect cock. He could not help but notice that Master’s cock was not much larger than his own would be were it not stuck inside the cage. He might be slightly thicker, but Master’s cock was somewhat longer.

“Of course, Slut,” Master said. “Impale that cunt on me. Ride me until you cum. Make me fill that cunt with my sperm.”

He couldn’t see her face from this angle, but he could see that she nodded and when she she straddled Master, throwing one leg over him as she centered herself on him. She ground herself back and forth on Master’s cock, and he recalled the times she had teased him with her pussy. Hot, wet tears spilled from his eyes, burning their way down his cheeks as he realized that those pleasures from her were gone, his no longer, but given to another. Slut raised her ass in the air, and he could see how wet she was as she aimed Master’s cock between her nether lips.

“Fuck me, Master,” she said as she sank down on Master’s cock, a loud moan coming from her lips.

He could only watch as she rode up and down Master’s manhood, groaning with pleasure each time he bottomed out. She rode him slowly, but hard, making use of every inch of Master’s pleasure. He still could still not see her face, but the sounds she made told him all he needed to know about the way Master was making her feel. Worse, however, was that he could see Master’s face, and between his own memories and those expressions, he knew exactly how wonderful Master must have felt with her on top of him.

How long it lasted, he could never say. It could have been as little as five minutes. It felt like he was watching them for eternity, trapped in a private hell of his own making. But it ended as it had to. Their tempo increased, the sounds of pleasure from them both built. Master grabbed Slut by the hips, guiding her as she rode him, taking control, taking charge, and as soon as he did, her sounds of pleasure intensified.

“That’s it. Fuck me. Fuck me, Master. Fill me. Own me. Fucking do it!” she screamed as she brought herself down to meet Master’s thrusts.

“Yeah, take it, take it, take it!” Master groaned. “You’re mine. My Slut. My cum-dumpster. My toy. I’m… never letting go… of you. Here. It. CUMS!”

Master’s hips rose high, pushing Slut into the air. From his viewpoint, he could perfectly see Master’s balls contracting, and he knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that Slut’s cunt was being filled with Master’s cum.

They both collapsed, and he had a perfect vantage to see where their bodies were merged together. As Master’s cock began to soften, he slipped out of her, and he could only watch as the thick mixture of their cum, white and creamy, began to drip out of Slut’s well-fucked cunt.

“Next time, I want you to take my ass, Master,” he heard her say as she lay on top of her new owner.

“Absolutely. I want all of you, Slut. But what do we do about him?”

“He’s seen all I needed him to see. I’ll get him out of here.”

She once more rose from the bed, and walked towards him, glorious in her nudity. She had been well-used, and the pleasure on her face was unmistakable. It was equally unmistakable that it had not been him who had pleasured her.

Moving behind him she pulled the vibrator out of his ass, roughly, with no care for his comfort. His asshole ached where it had filled him. She then came back around, producing a key from the table that had been just out of his sight, and she undid the contraption containing his cock. The ache in his balls was immense, but the pain was enough that he doubted he would be able to get hard again anytime soon.

She didn’t look at him as she undid the restraints at his ankles or as she worked on his wrists.

“Your clothing is in the other room. Your car keys are there as well. I want you to leave. I don’t want you to ever contact me again. This was the end. I’m his now.”

Her voice remained cool and distant, and that hurt more than everything he had witnessed.

“I understand,” he answered as tears continued to flow down his face.

Unbound, he turned away from her mutely and went to the living room. He gathered his clothing and dressed, wincing as he pulled his underwear up over his abused cock. He found his phone and wallet where he had left them, although he noticed that the contacts section of his phone had been opened. Her number had been deleted. Completely defeated, he slid phone and wallet into his jean pockets, and reached for his keys. When he turned back to the direction of the door, he was surprised to see her still standing there, now wearing a loose coat over her nakedness. Although it covered her breasts and obscured his view of her sex, somehow it made her far sexier in his eyes. It was not the worst image he could have burned into his mind as his final view of her.

He made his way to the door, doing his best not to look back. He exited, not bothering to close the door behind him as he started to walk to his car, preparing for the very long drive back to his home city. As he unlocked the door and got in his car, he thought he heard her voice quietly saying one last thing before she closed the door.

“Drive safe, Sir.”

He sat down, hands on the wheel. He lowered his head and began to sob.

About the Author

Broken Unicorn has been a writer since he was a child, starting off writing decidedly non-erotic stories about superheroes. As he got older, he started writing erotica about superheroes, before eventually discovering his kinky side and writing about people who could live in the real world. He lives in the midwest, and is happy to live in a very full house that includes four humans and two dogs. He can be found under the profile Broken_Unicorn https://fetlife.com/users/8765084

Hard Limits

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One of the most exciting things about BDSM is “pushing limits.” I have written articles here on kinkweekly.com regarding boredom – that even BDSM can get boring. But “pushing limits” seems to be a wonderful anti-boredom prescription.

In many D/s relationships, what was once a hard limit often becomes a favorite activity. D/s relationships are fluid, not static, interactions. But a Master/Mistress should not take on a submissive who states that monogamy is a hard limit and assume that he can change her/him at his/her whim. In this case the Dom/me is no better than the clowns on Jerry Springer who spring some mondo-bizarro fetish on unsuspecting wifey and say, “this is what I really want.”  If your Dominant agreed to be with you fully aware of your hard limit, then he should not insist you to do it — at least not until you change your views. And herein I propose a system to expand hard limits elegantly.

I can not over emphasize how important negotiations are when you start a Master/slave or Dom/me/sub relationship.  Serious misunderstandings can result from sloppy – or worse, a lack of — negotiations. But assuming you clearly delineate what the hard limits are, one should employ this concept that I have used quite successfully.

When you start a D/s relationship, write down all hard limits – no matter how crazy they may seem. Include everything from golden showers to cock cages and everything in between. Make your list as complete as you can. You can compose your list from this master list:

Abandonment

Acrophobia – being aroused from heights.

Acrotomophilia – being aroused by amputees.

Agalmatophilia – being aroused by statues.

Ass worship

Barosmia – being aroused by smells.

Being recorded

Body parts (including surgically altered)

Boot worship

Branding

Brown showers

Catheterization

Chamber pots

Cock cages

Cock rings

Corsets

Cross-dressing

Dirty sex (literal) – sexual activity in and around dirt, mud, or oil.

Douching

Enemas

Erotic dancing

Exhibitionism

Fear play

Feathers/fur

Foot worship

Gang bangs

Golden showers

Gun play

High heel worship

Humiliation

Infantilism

Latex

Leather

Lingerie

Medical instruments

Needles

Pegging

Piercing (temporary and permanent)

Posing

Prostitution (role play)

Prostitution (real)

Public exposure

PVC

Recording scenes

Rituals

Scat

Sensory deprivation

Shaving

Skinny-dipping

Spandex

Speculums (anal)

Speculums (vaginal)

Spitting

Swallowing semen

Taking erotic photos

Tasting yourself

Tattoos

Tickling

Uniforms

Voyeurism

Wearing fluids

Wrestling     

Now here is the key: every month of so, go over your “hard limit list” and see if you are curious about expanding some hard limits. What was once a hard limit might now be a soft one. The key, as I see it, is to look at hard limits as not being written in stone. It is a flexible list where there might be room for experimentation. If you examine them in a timely manner, you will be able to expand your BDSM repertoire without “stepping on toes.” (Or “stepping on toes” as an activity!)

For example, many people list needle play as a hard limit.  As the relationship evolves, the slave might be more receptive to a needle play demand.  The Master/Mistress should often talk about all hard limits as the relationship grows. Then he/she will know when the time is right. But changing hard limits cannot be as inelegant as saying “do it because I am the Dom/me.”  This might work for a few couples, but more often than not it is a prescription for disaster.

Pushing a slave’s limits is an exciting part of any D/s relationship. And taking a “hard limit” and converting it into a soft limit can be thrilling – if done right!

About the Author

After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.

Mechanical Milking

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There are many ways to skin a cat but please don’t. I love these little furry animals and hate any kind of cruelty to animals. My point, there are many ways to milk a male too. In this article I am going to focus on mechanical milking or masturbation by machine. Hands free wanking at its best! Yes folks, believe it or not, there are specially adapted contraptions designed to milk your ‘old chap’ that are available on the market today and I have had them all.

My Dairy, also known as Mistress Jane’s Male Milking Facility- which is based in the Berkshire countryside in the UK-houses some of the most sophisticated machines available on today’s market. If it milks cock, I’ve either have one or have owned one at some point. We all know how you guys fantasise about having your balls milked dry. Well, it’s not quite so far fetched as you might have thought.

Who is suited for this type of play?

Basically this type of scenes, scenario, or session will suit any level of experience from a complete newbie to the most experienced kinkster. These machines do not hurt you unless used incorrectly. They merely offer an alternative way to pleasure. However, for guys with a really tight foreskin, machine milking might not be suitable since it could possibly force your foreskin back. Furthermore, these machines work better on a fully erect penis. The Serious Kit and The Robojac are the two machines I turn to when the penis is only semi erect.

I really enjoy mechanical milking scenes. Not only do they give me chance to stimulate my sub in different ways, but it also adds a certain distance, aspect of humiliation, and more loss of control for the receiver. It can add a different dimension to a scene as well.

I also really enjoy edging, orgasm denial, ruined orgasms and post orgasm torment. Although better done by hand, it is also possible to play these games by machine. Tie my sub down and off we go, edging, denying, more edging and so on until I eventually allow them the release they crave only to ruin it, and in some cases, not all, treat them to a spell of Post Orgasm Torment and watch them squirm. It really is pure bliss! One of my collared subs has aptly named my method of Post Orgasm Torment, ‘The Hand Of Evil’.

For me, the more bizarre the scene the better. When I say bizarre I am referring to the way in which I have my subject positioned and /or dressed. I enjoy dressing my subs as a bizarre rubber toy and suspending them in unusual positions whilst I milk them by machine. But that isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. Besides, some older gents aren’t fit enough to be tied and suspended. So, I tend to lay these men on my Gynae chair, which is in my specially adapted white room.

I often get asked “Can you milk me dry?” or “Can you milk me over and over?”. This is a hard one (if you will excuse the pun). Each individual’s capabilities differ so much from the next. I always ask any prospective clients to try a little homework before committing to a milking session, especially if they are unsure of the amount of times they can cum. I ask them to edge themselves for as long as they can without cuming. Then on a different day to masturbate and cum as many times as possible in the session duration time they have requested. This information helps a great deal as it gives me foresight in planning their edging or milking session.

Often in older men it’s just once, but there are occasions when they surprise me and themselves by cuming twice. Younger clients can manage 3, 4, 5 times. The record to date is seven times in three hours.

Have you ever heard that old saying ‘Don’t write checks your body can’t cash.’ Well, that is applicable when it comes to male milking or should I say multiple milkings. You need to set a target you are capable of achieving. Set it and I will push you to your limits and see if with the right stimuli we can’t squeeze another one out from you.

An introductory to the Machines.

In my specially adapted Berkshire Dairy Male Milking Facility you can expect to find a stark white room, not unlike a medical room at a doctor’s office or hospital, equipped with all the finest toys and machines to drain your balls dry! Let me start with the milking machine of all milking machines.

The Serious Kit system. Based around an iconic American Milking Machine, which has been modified to hold receivers known as STP’s, which are internally lined in a soft rubber and used to house your cock. The STP’s (Standard Pulsating Tube) are uniquely designed on a wet system to keep everything well lubricated and slippery. Once the machine is switched on the STP is sucked into place. The rubber inner liner sucks and pulsates, giving a very stimulating sensation. I wouldn’t say that this machine is designed for a quick fix cum; it’s designed to ‘hold you on the edge’ and therefore, is great for extended play and prolonged milking. It looks the business too and guys who love edging really enjoy this wonderful piece of engineering, which incidentally is made in the UK. http://seriouskit.com/site1/Milking_Machines.html

Moving on to the Venus 2000. A masturbation machine. Its stroke speed and stroke length can be controlled as it strokes your manhood. It works on a diaphragm, which pushes air in and sucks it out from within the inner rubber sleeve. I have a specially adapted v2 cradle that houses the Venus receiver, which sits on your groin while the v2 goes to work on you. As long as the operator can read the signs, they can have you balancing on the edge of an almighty orgasm in no time at all. https://venusformen.com/

The Tremblr works on the same principles as the Venus 2000. The receivers slightly differ from the v2 in that they are black and heavier and slightly more cumbersome. The inner sleeve is made of a thicker rubber, which is also ribbed, and can give you a

wonderful sensation as it slides up and down your lubricated cock. Hands free masturbation at it best! Also built in the UK. http://f-machine.com/index.php/tremblr-detail

The Robojac…..This works really well for guys with ED. It operates by creating an alternate air suction and pressure to move a smooth pliant receiver up and down the penis. The Robojac doesn’t have an inner sleeve like the other machines, so it makes it less fussy. http://www.funwaysmarketing.com/PRODUCTS/rjstandard.htm

All of these machines can be adjusted to pump faster and/or suck harder.

So, you find out you can only cum once, but want a two hour session? That is totally acceptable. I can prolong your milking for however long is needed. This is where edging and orgasm denial come into play; the longer it goes on, the more intense the orgasm.

Just milking? So while you are lying back, machine pulsating up and down your shaft, what else can you experience? Quite a lot actually. Depending on whether you like other forms of play, I can incorporate all sorts while you are being milked. A nice prostate massage is always a good way of stimulating willing men. Nipple play, lite stroking, or for the more demanding patient, nipple suction or clamps, maybe even estim. Some may like to feel the prickling sensation of the violet wand all over their anatomy. Others may like to be hooded or gagged or both or dressed head to toe in rubber. Just imagine! The possibilities are endless.

About the Author

I am Mistress Jane. Based in the Royal county of Berkshire in the UK, and I have worked as a pro Domme for the past ten years. Fascinated by the alternative, the weird, and wonderful-which is what probably led me on this curious path in the first place. First and foremost, I am a service provider. I take pride in my work and the services I offer. I strive to give my clients a fulfilling and satisfying experience. I am a Mistress that likes to fulfill the dreams and fantasies of men. Frown on that you might, but face it, who’s paying!?

I speak what I find, and if life has taught me one thing it’s be yourself, don’t bullshit, or try and be something you ain’t.

I play safe and sane with a smile on my face. I enjoy what I do and welcome like-minded souls.  I offer you a sanctuary to explore your desires. My stage is yours and I am ready to direct your play.

uk Mistress Jane   http://www.mistress-jane.