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Being Dominant and Being A Dominant-Worlds Apart

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There have been a rash of questions on our educational sites lately similar to the following, “Can a guy become dominant if it doesn’t naturally come to them?”

It’s a good question but needs more context. Too often we see people confusing the difference between a Top (the dominant role during a scene) and being a Dominant, the head of a power exchange relationship. Through conversation, we often find what they mean, is being a Top.

I wrote about this difference some time ago in a shorter article addressing the difference. In it I wrote this short piece and asked the readers to comment and react:

“Just because my personality is dominant, does not make me a Dominant.

Just because I have self-discipline and a dominant personality, does not mean I am a Dominant, or would even be a good one.

Just because I have a submissive, does not mean I am a Dominant.

All of these things are pieces and parts brought together by will, intelligence, need, diligence, consistency, integrity, self-motivation, selflessness and selfishness, and the ability to bond deeply with another person through the development of trust and the vulnerability of emotional connection. Using all of the aforementioned to develop a skill set which enables a person to show they are able to take on the committed role and can be trusted. Giving the submissive an opportunity to be as the title implies.

It is a web of factors which takes time, patience, practice, and guidance to form a larger whole.

Anyone can call themselves anything, but until they realize it is much more than any one or two things culminating in being a Dominant, they will only ever be dominant. There is a difference.”

All Hell Broke Loose

As you can imagine, there were some very strong opinions which came out of this conversation. Everything from dominants are born not made, dominants can be made even if they never leaned that way before etc. etc. It seemed like everyone had an opinion as to how someone inclined becomes properly a Dominant.

Lacking was discussion on what might actually contribute to someone being a successful dominant. Out of the hundred or so replies there were exactly zero about a dominant’s make up, only argument about what was properly a Dominant or not. It was at the very least disheartening. 

It was then I determined to write about what, in my opinion, really contributed to being a Dominant, not merely dominance. It wound up being 14 articles, with the Dominant’s Creed as its basis to give readers a baseline to follow. Some of that I am regurgitating here in this piece.

At the Center

I think nothing happens in this lifestyle which does not include the core of a person. Who they are underneath it all. Stripping away the façade of titles, costumes, toys, and the persona they may put on for others. In the end, whether they have a chance to be successful rests with them being a good person or not. Nothing more complicated than that. Regardless of the type of dynamic there are some commonalities which allow us to be that which we seek in kink.

Integrity and honesty, empathy and compassion, maturity and thoughtfulness, self-confidence and self-awareness, internal drive and motivation are among the many traits combined into a successful cocktail which enables others to see us as a potential Dominant. Because without a sub-type who wants our dominance, what good is it. First, they need to say yes.

Without that initial spark to which they are attracted in that submissive way, we are a rowboat without paddles.

If we happen to fake the funk and get someone to accept us and we are not a good person? Eventually it is going to melt down. People will get hurt emotionally, and possibly physically. The relationship will end simply because we have not taken the time to work on ourselves and become prepared to be that Dominant. 

Sure there are plenty of submissives out there who could spell disaster for us because they may not be a good person. However, we are not in control of them, only ourselves. There is not point in duping someone, or waiting till after a relationship is established to get ourselves squared away.

So We Find a Submissive

Great, now what? As I stated in the first portion of this article there is so much more than just being in that relationship. It takes effort and commitment. A whole lot more talking going on than playing, or at least there should be in my opinion. How can we be an effective Dominant to someone if we do not know them well?

I am not just talking about what they do for work, or if they have kids, or the hobbies they like. We need to dig deep into who this person is and why they are who they are. And they us. At a brutal level of honesty. This is going to be the lever that allows us to appreciate them as a person. Be accepting of the bad, not just the good. To see past the front we all put up in a new relationship because we all want to put our best foot forward.

This willingness to learn our partner in an emotionally intimate way speaks of our ability to be empathic and compassionate. Two of our greatest and most used tools as Dominants. They council us to listen more than speak, to ask probing questions, and to really hear and understand our partner. Without this, we step on many more landmines than necessary. 

No, Simply Demanding it Does Not Mean You’ll Get It

Even if we are a good person and have managed to find a submissive who is committed to us, we cannot be jerks about it, if we want it to last. Way back when dirt was invented and I was a new dominant, I thought that was the way it was supposed to work. I quickly found out otherwise to my shame and embarrassment. 

There is a duty of care and responsibility which comes with being a Dominant. That we first are looking out for the best interest of our submissive. Even as a Master, we have to be careful of this, even more so as a committed slave is less likely to come to their own defense in many cases, unless the situation is dire. This is not possible without having developed a deep understanding of our sub-type.

They are placing their trust in us to lead them in a way which not only fulfills our desires but helps them grow and fulfills theirs. If all we are is a machine which compels compliance without thought to the impact on our charge, the chances of the dynamic lasting long or very small.

Creating a Gravitational Pull

The moon stays in orbit around Earth because of the gravity it exerts. Similarly, being that good person at our core helps us create an emotional gravity which captures our submissive and keeps them in our orbit. It allows them to open up to us, in turn, freeing us to be that Dominant they desire. I say freeing because without that pull, everything becomes a struggle where we are having to work to keep them enthralled and interested.

The dynamic becomes work, like the kind we do not appreciate so much. Not to be confused with the effort it takes to maintain a healthy relationship.

It also frees our submissive to be accepting of our dominance. They can begin to and continue to trust us because they have learned we are a person worth trusting. Sure we have to do much more than just be a good and decent person. But it is a beginning worth striving for, and one which becomes foundational for a long-term commitment.  

The Goal

I think most of us want to have that stability in our relationships, even if they are not romantic. The purpose driven commitment to and of another person bringing a constant into our universe to look forward to, cherish, and rely upon in good times and bad. 

Is not this the hub on which all else turns? Our ability to maintain a healthy relationship with another person? To do that, to build that, we need to work on ourselves first. 

Realizing to become a Dominant, we must master ourselves first. If we do not, we will only ever be dominant.


If you are interested in the Dominant’s Creed articles I mentioned earlier in this writing visit this link to my page on FetLife – TAC_1’s Writings | FetLife

BDSM And Personal Discovery

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Some of us, one could argue both the lucky and the unlucky ones, knew we wanted something other than the vanilla heteronormative relationships that society in the 80’s and 90’s tried to condition is to want. Lucky because it is easier to find something when you know you’re looking for it; unlucky because you’d be surprised how many people want nothing to do with someone questioning and experimenting with their own sexuality. Perhaps my experiences would have been different today, but I can only embrace that which is mine and move forward with that knowlege.

Had I desired that vanilla heteronormativity, I’d have had lots of opportunities to figure myself out in middle and high school. Unfortunately, instead my late middle school and high school years are a jumble of memories of cuddling with females and being too afraid to take that next step for fear of rejection, and dark porn, clearly staged, badly acted, and a foundation for some sexual imprinting. For those of use who want bondage or any kind of same sex relationships, we don’t have those same opportunities to explore. That’s why the jokes about lesbians not knowing if they are being hit on and awkward bisexuals exist. We lack that early practice and have to stumble through the finding ourselves part while trying to have adult relationships. That’s a lot of pressure all at once.

The same goes for kink. We don’t have shibari opportunities in high school to figure out what works for us. So we all just do the best that we can and figure things out along the way as we figure them out. We are all on our own timelines. Some of us don’t discover that the things we like are not “normal” until someone slaps us in the face with that information. Maybe literally, who knows?

So what does that mean for the questing adult who has tripped over kink rather than sought it out? I have wondered lately how to explain what we do to someone without the foundation I assume people have when they seek us out. I suppose I would start this way:

Kink is many things to many people. It is not up to me to decide how an individual defines that for themself. It is not for me to judge provided the desired activity is consented to by and with a human of legal age who is capable of giving consent, and does not have the purpose of doing lasting harm, rather than fleeting hurt.

I would tell them kink can absolutely be sexual, but that it doesn’t have to be. Sure, threesomes are probably classified in there somewhere as kink, but when the umbrella encompasses so much variety and many different viewpoints, often times sex can take a backseat to pain, even if that pain has sexual connotations or elements to the people engaging in its practice.

I would tell them to find something that appeals to them, and then to seek out more information. Read books, browse fet, find local people and have conversations. Though it can be difficult, try not to find us scary or intimidating. We’re just normal people who happen to have bonded over a common interest. With some it’s video games or comic books, sports, or food. With us, we bond over kink. It’s easy enough to fit right in.

Above all, I would tell them to ask questions. It’s okay not to know everything. Our honesty is our strength. Everyone won’t know everything., and it is okay not to know this.

Most of all, I would suggest finding someone trustworthy to show them the rules. We see consent very differently from the whole of mainstream society. Sadly. It shouldn’t be different, yet the kink community’s views on consent are so much more empowering than the old rules I was raised with. Even with those differences, missteps are easy. Having a guide can make a huge difference.

Be open to new experience. Every day is a gift when we accept what is coming.

The Power Of Choice In Power Exchange

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Submission is a choice.  Every aspect of the power we hand over to another individual is a daisy chain of choices.  I have always been transparent about the struggles I had in learning how to make those choices.

I chose to offer Him my submission and He rejected me.

I chose to offer it a second time and He took me under consideration.

I chose when to kneel.  I chose when to call Him Sir and once again when to call Him Master. I chose when to crawl.  

And I chose when to finally let go.

As I write this, I understand that to the naked eye, it seems as though I had all the power.  And we all know how I feel about that saying.  

What I am trying to do is highlight the slow decent into complete acceptance.  He has a considerable amount of patience.  He pushed me by setting His expectations a notch higher than I thought I could achieve. 

Every. Single. Time.

By turning me down, He verified I had an honest desire to serve Him and the determination to address things that make me uncomfortable.

By letting me kneel at my pace, He could see that understanding dawn in my eyes when I finally accepted the desires I spoke about.

By allowing me to choose how to address Him, He guaranteed my service was sincere and natural.

By waiting for me to crawl, He watched me finally comprehend that my discomfort is secondary to His pleasure.

In a profoundly silent style, He taught me how to sink into my submission and wrap it around me like a warm cloak of spirituality.

Each of these led to my final choice: to offer Him a Total Power Exchange.  He would (and does) own my body, my mind, and my soul.  At this point in O/our dynamic, my limits are His limits.  

Now, the reason I am laying this out, is because you need to understand the building blocks of our dynamic before I tell you the final step of His “training” process.

Once I reached the point of complete acceptance, He pointed out the most important part of what I had learned.  I had learned to anticipate His needs, and, by default, my own.  During my efforts to figure out my own wants and needs, I had started subconsciously seeking his approval.  I had, without realizing it, had taken the service aspect to heart.  My happiness came from my ability to make His life easier.  It was (and still is) my mission to recognize and provide everything He desires without Him ever saying a word.

Only once I reached the point of anticipating His thoughts (as much as submissive can anticipate the thoughts of a Sadist) were we able to delve into O/our favorite part of BDSM.

Now the fun part.

I am going to ask you to define Mental Bondage.

I know, without ever hearing the answers, that each of you gave me a different definition.

Here’s why:

If you type Mental Bondage into Google (without any other code words), you will get two types of answers.  The first is religious.  They refer to mental bondage as the inability to see, feel, or understand the spirit of God. The second is a warning against domestic abuse.  Mental bondage, in that capacity, refers to the inability to break the cycle of abuse and recognize the trauma being experienced.

If those aren’t vastly different ends of the spectrum, I don’t know what is.

If you change your search to “BDSM Mental Bondage,” the answers move to kink related themes. 

1) The first answer is sexual hypnosis.  Sexual Hypnosis, also called Erotic Hypnosis, is the use of hypnosis to elicit a particular set of sexual or sensual responses.  It can be used to force orgasms, increase sensitivity to touch, or implement trigger words that can sink someone into sub space.  While it is not my kink (mostly because attempted hypnosis just triggers my narcolepsy), I did take a class on it at one time out of curiosity.  For those who can use hypnosis in (or as) their kink, it is amazing to see the sensuality of it.  I have a friend who partakes, and she keeps her trigger word private because it will turn her extremely primal.  I was able to watch her play with Master one time where she wanted to have her word used in conjunction with electricity.  It was…quite the scene.

2) The second answer you will see is a reference to positional training.  This most often references the Gorean slave positions or submissive training poses.  I make the distinction between these because while some of the poses overlap, they are two separate sets of positions and commands to learn.  There are three common languages used to give the commands.  The first is English, and most commonly coincides with submissive training poses.  The second is German, akin to the same words used to train dogs (and I may or may not have managed to surprise Master when I responded to them).  I have seen this one used in more High Protocol settings, and more often used with slaves.  The last is the common tongue of Gor.  These are the terms (and definitions) outlined in the Gor Series (written by John Norman).  These books are the foundations of the Gorean lifestyle.

The reason positional training falls under Mental Bondage is because the learning of these positions becomes second nature to the submissive and often can sink them into a particular mindset, depending on the position used.  This is especially true with the Gorean positions.  For example, the position “Bracelets” is used to put slave bracelets on so the slave may be chained.  “Leasha (Leash)” is the position used to attach a leash to the slave.  

If you have been in either of those positions (formally or just in play), they are vastly different mindsets.

3) The third most common answer revolves around 24/7 dynamics.  It is the commitment of a submissive to the rules laid out by their Dominant.  Think about it.  Do your rules dictate what you eat, what you wear, or what you can say?  Are you required to answer questions with a particular honorific or in a certain way?  

All of these are forms of mental bondage.  You are bound to a strict set of expectation that you are only released from at your Dominant’s discretion.  It is an invisible version of bondage.  It is much like being bound with rope and only being freed once your Dominant desires it.

While there are quite a few other definitions, the ones listed above are the most commonly agreed upon within the vast online BDSM community.

Then there is U/us.

While we do use aspects of the previous mentioned definitions, we have developed O/our own version of Mental Bondage.

Mental Bondage, in my experience, is the adherence to protocols, orders, and positions that have only been anticipated (and never verbally directed) with the expectation of correction if the submissive is wrong.

Sounds scary, huh?

To me, it sounds deliciously fearsome.  Which is why Mental Bondage is my kink.

O/our version of Mental Bondage does have a component of Consensual Non-Consent (CNC).  The expectations laid upon me change each time we play. As mentioned, many times before, I do not know what is going to happen until it happens.  

One example of Mental Bondage is “the waiting game.”

When Master has decided it is time to scene, I am sent down to my room to wait for Him.  He never states how I am to wait.  The only consistent is the fact that I kneel.  Sometimes I am naked and other times I am dressed.  Sometimes I am in Nadu pose.  Other times I kneel at the edge of the bed, my forehead to the mattress, my arms extended out above my head.  The pose depends on what I have anticipated He wants me to do.  

Unfortunately for me, W/we like to combine Mental Fuckery and Mental Bondage, so I am only right about 20% of the time.

Another one of Master’s favorite expressions of mental bondage occurs during impact play.  Sadomasochism is a heavy part of our play.  This means that we play for short amounts of time at a high intensity with little warm-up or cool down.  I have been bucked off a spanking bench and a barrel from the force of the impact.  

Do you know what happens when I break position?

I pick myself up and move back into position.  He never breaks posture, nor does He speak.  He knows that once I am in a position, I will hold it until His direction changes.  He expects me to hold myself in a way where He can reach as much of my body as physically possible.  

While He refuses to admit to me that He enjoys watching me struggle, I can see it clearly on His face.  Watching my legs tremble beneath me, hearing me sob as I try to continually hold my body against the force of impact, and ultimately watching me collapse brings a sinister grin to His face.

Rope has been used only one time during the length of O/our dynamic.  Metal cuffs have been used three times, and I can count the number of times my leather cuffs have been used on one hand.  Outside of those instances, all of the bondage I am subjected to is mental.

In my experience, Mental Bondage brings me a sense of accomplishment.  Knowing that I am pushing my body to the edge to hold a position for longer periods of time, simply because He wants me to, is rewarding.  

It also gives me a focus point.  Master does not like to keep the same rhythm during play.  Doing so would allow me to push out the pain.  He wants me to feel it, to experience it in the moment, and to push through it.  Repetitive motion, like a flogging, can allow a submissive to sink into a meditative state to push their pain threshold.  He expects me to push through it through an active choice to continue (through the withholding of my safeword).

I have the choice to put myself back into position.

I have the choice to stop experiencing the pain and the pleasure.

I even have the choice to break the invisible hold of mental bondage by using my safeword.

After all, there is nothing physically stopping me.

It is my honor as a submissive that bound me to Master.  It is my desire to serve and please Him.  It comes down to the moment I gave Him power over me.  

The moment I gave Him my power to choose.

Identifying as a Submissive: What does that mean?

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I hope you have been enjoying Rika’s Lair, my monthly column dedicated to thoughts and experiences  regarding power dynamics in Service-Oriented D/s relationships. Look up “Ms. Rika” in the search box  for links to all my articles in KinkWeekly!  

This afternoon, I had a good discussion (online) with one of my readers, who was challenging the notion  that the definition of submission must come from the dominant. In his challenge, he stated that this  statement excludes people who self-identify as submissives who do not have a dominant to serve. As far  as the discussion goes, I stand firmly with my statement – however, his point got me thinking about  “self-identification” as a submissive and what that really means. 

The process of self-identification is an important part of today’s gender and sexuality discussions. It is an  effective tool to break through predefined constructs and to open the door to more open thinking. I do,  however, feel it’s rapidly becoming overused, particularly when it’s applied in ways that go beyond the  gender discussion. You can identify as a lot of things…but sometimes calling yourself something doesn’t really make you that. 

In BDSM and D/s circles, people self-identify a lot. You have people who declare their preferences by  labeling themselves. Words like “dominant”, “submissive”, “fetishist”, etc., are thrown about without  real definition. Even the words “Submission” and “Dominance” can mean different things to different people, so calling oneself a “Dominant” or “Submissive” only has meaning when we understand what  dominance and submission mean to that person. Having a “fetish” actually has a dictionary definition,  

but modern usage has thrown away the clinical meaning in favor of “This REALLY makes me hot!”. Since  there is no credentialing system, people are free to declare themselves “Dominant of the world” and no  one can really argue. In reality, the labels are meaningless – but they bring a sense of belonging and  inclusion to folks, so why not? 

Getting back to the basis of the discussion, how can you define submission without a dominant?  

I searched for an analogy to support my point and I arrived at a reasonable one: A man who REALLY  enjoys cooking and feels he’s good at it, decides to self-identify as “A Chef”. Let’s say he only cooks for  himself at this point. In my mind, this self-identification is closely analogous to the man who really likes  the idea of submitting and calls himself “A Submissive” – although a submissive doesn’t submit to himself. 

My self-identified “Chef” doesn’t have anyone to cook for at this point. Can he really be a chef? Would  you hire him to cook for you? 

My assertion is that self-identifying as a Chef is a statement of your passion. It’s your preference and  “identity” and it means that you want to cook. I further assert, however, that when this person is hired  to cook for someone, the recipesthat are needed are subject to the tastes and preferences of the  person. What KIND of chef does that person need / prefer: a meat chef; a fish chef; a pastry chef; a sauce chef? Until you know what type of chef is desired – or what type of recipes the person for whom  you are cooking prefers, you can’t define the content of the food that will satisfy them. You might be a  “chef”, but you don’t know what you’re cooking until you know what’s ordered!

Self-identifying as a submissive is all well and good as a statement of preference and identity…but until  you have someone to submit to, you can’t define submission. Submission, since it’s tied to what you are  doing for another person, requires that other person to be there. You can’t submit to nothing.  Submission must be received as submissionto be realized. If you doubt that, ask the myriad of folks who  are frustrated trying to submit to a partner who won’t accept their efforts from a position of dominance or who are unfulfilled with “stealth-submission” because the meaning is missing without reception. Can  you identify as a submissive without submitting to anyone? I suppose you can, but there isn’t really any definition in that label. 

In fact, trying to define it without a partner can be detrimental. I have met a lot of folks who try to  define submission without consideration for a specific partner. They have preconceived notions of what  submission is and what dominance looks like. They create their own challenges by doing this. Very often,  they talk about “finding compatibility” (usually in the context of NOT being able to find a compatible  partner), which is really a colloquialism for “trying to find someone who has defined submission the  same way that they did”, which, if you really think about it, is basically confirming that the dominant is  the one setting the definition of submission, it’s just that they happen to want the same! 

BTW: These are often the same folks who accuse their partners of not being “dominant enough”… or … “not knowing how to dominate” or “needing training in how to dominate” or any number of other  inappropriate attacks. Don’t be that guy. 

There is also the notion that someone will be a good submissive because they are “experienced”. What  does that mean in the context of a new dominant; with new preferences, tastes, and desires? I’d buy  into it if they said, “I’ll make a good submissive because I have experience adapting to how people  define submission to them. My skill is learning and adapting.” THAT statement, I’d believe. But thinking  that they’d be a good submissive for dominant ‘B’ because they served dominant ‘A’ doesn’t fly. 

So, self-identification as a submissive is fine. Identity is important and preferences are important. If the  label means something to you, use it. However, defining submission without a dominant to serve is  folly. If your goal is to serve your dominant, you need to allow that dominant to define what serves  them. Then you know what “dish” is required of you and you can work to deliver that. 

 Ms. Rika is a lifestyle dominant, educator, and author; living in the suburbs of NYC with her  husband/slave. She has written several popular books on her approach to adding Dominant-Centric,  Service-Oriented D/s to relationships. You can find her books (in both print and eBook formats) at  Lulu.com (http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/msrika), or at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, the iStore, Books-A Million, Kobo.com, or anywhere books are sold. Search for “Ms. Rika”. Write to me at  Ms_Rika@hotmail.com

Submit To The Person

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I hope you have been enjoying Rika’s Lair, my monthly column dedicated to thoughts and experiences regarding power dynamics in Service-Oriented D/s relationships. Look up “Ms. Rika” in the search box for links to all my articles in KinkWeekly!  

Today, I’m thinking about a tendency among many submissives, to think of a dominant as the entire person, rather than as a dynamic in a relationship with a person. You’ll hear them say, “I’m looking for ‘A  Dominant’”, “Why can’t I find more ‘Dominants’?”, “I’m A Submissive, I need A Dominant”. It is as if the  person is defined solely by their preference when it comes to power dynamics. The notion is that ‘A  Dominant’ is what a person is…when, in reality, a person ‘is’ a lot of things – including being a dominant in their relationships. 

From my perspective as a dominant woman, I see this predominantly from male submissives (but it is  certainly not limited to a specific gender). Very often, they approach women, looking for ‘A Dominant’ without any consideration for who the woman really is. Worse, they have often already defined what ‘A  Dominant’ is, and are looking for it, exclusively. The ‘Dominant’ is viewed as a collective object – predictable based solely on their preference for “dominance” – and consistent from person to person  (as long as they “know how to dominate”). Any dominant will do, because they are believed to be interchangeable. Of course, since that’s not true, this often can create serious issues with the relationship. 

This viewpoint manifests itself in several common ways: Many submissives have a predetermined view  of what ‘a dominant’ does; how they act; their attitude; their dress – and don’t see a person as dominant  unless they meet those criteria. Or, they may discover that they don’t have compatibility with a  dominant from a relationship perspective, even though they’ve had compatibility in kink. Or, they may  not recognize dominance, if it doesn’t match the femininely-styled masculine image of a dominant. 

I’ve discussed this last point before; the notion that dominance equatesto masculinity – and therefore,  female dominance is thought of as a femininely-stylized imitation of masculinity. In my previous articles,  I’ve pointed out that the porn-imagery of the female dominant shows women as ‘penetrators’ with  strap-ons, in biker leathers (stylized), and having the heels of their boots (stylized jack boots) sucked  ‘like a cock’. The notion that someone who doesn’t prefer traditionally masculine qualities (e.g.,  aggression, anger, micro-management, competitiveness, desire to overpower, etc.) is not ‘allowed’ in  that imagery of dominance. 

Relationships are a complex collection of traits, personalities, and dynamics. Power dynamics are just  one of many dynamics that may exist in a relationship. The person who is the dominant has many other  facets totheir personalities – most having absolutely nothing to do with power dynamics. If you enter a  relationship with a person, solely based on one dynamic or attribute, you are destined to encounter  problems and potentially dissolution of the relationship. For example, people who have entered  relationships because “the sex was so good”, have experienced the same types of issues. Folks doing the  same for power dynamics likely are headed for similar negative outcomes. 

The key here, is to submit to the person, not to their role in a dynamic. If you’re thinking something  longer-termed than sharing a scenario, dedicating yourself in service to someone is a serious  commitment. There needs to be something about that PERSON that makes you want to submit to them. 

Something more than their gender and that they identify as dominant. You are submitting to the entire  person, who they are, not just what role they prefer to play. You must get to know who they are to be  able to establish a relationship based on more than power dynamics. Only then can you customize your  submission to mold and serve the full person.  

The next time you feel like engaging with someone who identifies as ‘dominant’, try to identify what it is  about that unique person that is drawing you to serve them. If it’s nothing more than their gender and  preference for dominance, slow down, get to know who they really are, and then THEN make the decision to submit! 

Ms. Rika is a lifestyle dominant, educator, and author; living in the suburbs of NYC with her  husband/slave. She has written several popular books on her approach to adding Dominant-Centric,  Service-Oriented D/s to relationships. You can find her books (in both print and eBook formats) at  Lulu.com (http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/msrika), or at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, the iStore, Books-A Million, Kobo.com, or anywhere books are sold. Search for “Ms. Rika”. Write to me at  Ms_Rika@hotmail.com

This week in kink: July 5, 2021

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Learn about the spicy Locked Down sex position from The Sun!

Click below to find out more!

The Locked Down sex position promises to help you hit the G-spot every time
AS the end of lockdown approaches, Brits will be flocking outside to meet and mingle and maybe get a little frisky. Ann Summers has created a new sex position for people to celebrate the end of loc…
The Sun

Discover the inner workings of a Domme and her sub!

Click below to read more from Lovin Malta!

‘Always Address Me As Mistress’: A Peek Into The Life Of A Professional Maltese Dominatrix And Her Sub

Uncover the police station turned fetish club with WalesOnline!

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Police station turned fetish club sold for almost half a million
The Clink on Alexandra Road in Newport caused a local scandal with its outrageous goings-on
WalesOnline | Nathan Bevan

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