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anniebear Learns to be a Dominatrix

August 28, 2017 By anniebear 3 Comments

A few weeks ago I attended a full weekend, three-day group immersion course on how to become a Dominatrix. The instructors, DommeCraft founder, Simone Justice and co-teacher Mistress Damiana Chi are experienced professional/lifestyle Dominatrices. We could not have been in better hands. If you haven’t heard of DommeCraft, consider it the university level training course for those interested in learning the ins and outs of lifestyle and professional domination. The course includes handouts, homework, live demos, practice demos, feedback, and at the end a graduation with a certificate of completion. If there truly were a legalized, certification course for Domination then DommeCraft would be the leader in the industry.

Damiana Chi and Simone Justice, our instructors for the weekend.
Damiana Chi and Simone Justice, our instructors for the weekend.

I had a lot of nervous feelings in the days leading up to the course. I’ve mostly identified as a submissive and had always been such in my past and current relationships. In the last year or so I’ve been playing around with topping and dominating a few play partners, mostly women. The idea of going to learn from the pros was appealing to me because I thought it would help me gain more confidence and also develop my blossoming skills as a top. My expectations going into the course were completely blown out of the water! While I’d like to divulge every little detail, for the privacy of the other students and also the coursework, I will only cover some of the major highlights.

I arrived at the secret dungeon location on a Friday evening. There was one other attendee already there and we shyly exchanged hellos and a few questions. The dungeon space was amazing. It had everything you would need for a great scene; an open floor plan, high ceilings, bondage equipment and racks. My favorite was a suspended globe shaped cage, perfect for trapping someone inside to prod and tease! Damiana greeted us first and I was slightly intimidated but quickly realized she was an extremely warm and friendly person. In all there were six students. Simone arrived last, in a wheelchair. A sidenote, Simone had recently suffered a broken hip so I thought it was incredible for her to have such dedication and commitment to still come and lead the full weekend class. I’m sure it was extremely exhausting but you would never be able to tell that she had suffered such a terrible injury.

Mistress Simone Justice
Mistress Simone Justice

We quickly got down to business. Simone began the class with everyone introducing themselves. I was surprised at the variety of women in the class. Everyone came from a different background yet managed to have so much in common. It truly was a lovely group of women. Simone lead us through some exercises to familiarize ourselves with each other and to create good energy amongst one another. I’ve never worked in this manner before, but the exercises we did really worked! It made me feel both closer and eager to learn more about the other women. We then sat in a circle and received handouts on the first evening’s lessons. I won’t go into too many details due to the very personal nature of the work we did but suffice it to say it was revolutionary.

The next morning I arrived ready to rock! We dove headfirst into lessons on verbal domination with our partners. We were told that around noon, some demo submissive men would be arriving that we could practice our work on. I was expecting one or two submissives and we would take turns. I was delighted to see that there was more than one submissive per student in the class! This just goes to show the dedication and attention that Simone and Damiana give to providing the best tools in which we could learn. I was extremely nervous to work with actual in the flesh human beings. In the past, I have topped a handful of men and women, but this was an entirely new environment where I would be observed while at the same time practice the lessons. We were given the opportunity to take a submissive through a “preliminary” scene using verbal tactics only. I never realized how much I relied on physical touch. It was definitely a challenge as expressed by some of the other students as well.

We did a recap on how the scenes went and proceeded on to the next lessons. A lot of the specific information we learned is confidential, and only reserved for those in this line of study, however we continued the course with bondage cuffs, collars, leashes, and light impact implements and sensation play. We of course practiced all on our willing submissives, who I think delighted in all of us “baby dommes.” From personal experience, I’ve been a demo bottom before and it is a fun process watching someone discover and explore his or her domination.

Another unique aspect of this workshop was the use of “Goddess work.” I’m unfamiliar with this method, however many of the other students were well acquainted with their Goddesses and which ones they identify with, and requested inclusion of more Goddess elements. Simone changed the class to accommodate and brought in several Goddess statues as well for us to use. As a female Domme, it is important to be able to at least be open to tapping into those who have come before you and the energy derived from not only within but the Goddesses and those around you. I’m still working on grasping these concepts, but it was very powerful.

Day three commenced and was the final and most invigorating day. We observed both Damiana and Simone give full scene demonstrations which was so much fun! They acted as if there were no one else in the room and the intimacy between them and the submissives was incredible. Afterward we got hands on with the demo subs and did a rotation of different implements and domination techniques to try out. Damiana showed us some CBT (cock and ball torture) techniques which included tying up the penis and the balls and then delivering smacks or whatever type of play you wanted to do. I was pretty nervous about this particular technique as it looks super painful. I’ve also never been one to be too handy with rope so the concept never particularly appealed to me. But, I rolled up my sleeves and jumped right in when the time came to try it out! I am pleased to confess that I was able to master the CBT tie quite quickly! Perhaps I have a new calling, haha.

Day three wrapped up very quickly. I missed going to the graduation play party, but I heard it was a fantastic experience to bring together all that we had learned and try out our new skills in a party environment. It was incredible meeting so many wonderful women and also the very dedicated male submissives who assisted. Thank you to Simone and Damiana for a wonderful class. I’m also very eager to attend the “Dommes of DommeCraft” play party, September 2nd, which will have Dominas who have attended past DommeCraft weekend and daylong classes and private lessons with Simone. To join us write Damiana@DamianaChi to apply. Wish me luck!

To find out more about all of the classes offered go to here

Tagged With: class, Damiana Chi, dominatrix, dommecraft, education, Event, mentor, pro Domme, prodom, review, Simone Justice, teacher

Erotica: Teacher’s Pet, Slave Training 101

April 3, 2017 By Amanda Lee Leave a Comment

schoolgirl-cropped

Before I even met the teacher, he gave me 3 homework assignments. Having been a straight A student throughout college, I didn’t expect any less of my performance in the kinkster world.

Assignment One – he said that I could wear nothing I had worn with anyone else, the first time I met him. Not even a brand new item that was the same style as one I had previously worn. So I went out and got a new bra, G-string, garter belt, stockings, collar, and so forth.

Assignment Two – the teacher wanted a full report on everything I had learned from my previous mentor, the protocol I was taught to follow, and what I had liked and disliked. I prepared a ten page report, which he reviewed. He told me he was disappointed that there were several typos and a grammatical error or two. I was instructed to make corrections and bring a hard copy.

Assignment Three – was more of a punishment. The teacher told me not to masturbate or cum until we met. As usual, I broke this rule, and so he told me to fill a writing pad with “I will not cum without Sir’s permission.” I didn’t fill the writing pad. I mean, I do have to work. But I did fill many pages, which I was told to bring for his review. I was also told there would be consequences for being such a greedy slut and violating the rules.

As I began putting on the lingerie I had selected, I realized that everything but the top could be easily camouflaged with street clothes. So I asked the teacher if I could change into the top once I got there. He said ordinarily he would have no problem with that. But since I had been such a dirty whore who had to satisfy myself instead of obeying the rules, I could not. In fact, he wanted me to just come in the slutty clothes I planned to wear inside, so that everyone outside could see what a slut I was. And that’s what I did, although feeling self-conscious since it was still daylight when I arrived.

As soon as I came in I learned there were other rules to follow. One, I was to strip down to bra and panties whenever I entered the building, and leave the rest of my clothes at the front door. Two, I was not to go on the bed unless he told me to, or I asked (and got) his permission. Otherwise, I was to stay on the floor.

We talked for a bit, while he reviewed Assignment 3 and found it wanting, and then he told me to go upstairs to the classroom. Once we were there, he ordered me to take off everything but my garter belt, stockings, and heels and stand there while he looked me over. Then he told me to bend over and put my hands on the bed while he smacked me soundly and repeatedly for my insolence in not following his instructions. It hurt, but of course I knew better than to complain.

After that, he said he was going to review my report and see if I had corrected my previous mistakes. He laid down on the bed and told me to come up on my knees, with my head between his legs. Then he grabbed me by the hair and pushed my face down onto his stiff, hard cock, with instructions to suck while he read. I happily did so, glad for more practice of my deepthroating technique. He didn’t like it when I gagged and said I was coughing on him, so I totally focused on suppressing my gag reflex so as not to anger the teacher. I enjoyed sucking on that lovely cock, although when I went to hold it in my hand he told me to keep my hands on the bed and use my mouth alone. This increased the challenge, which turned me on even more. A side challenge was that I didn’t want to start cumming and squirt all over his bed. I knew that would be a problem. So I had the delightful torture of sucking on his big cock, without using my hands to assist, all the while not cumming from my excitement and pleasure.

The teacher was very systematic. Whenever he found a typo, a grammatical error (we differed on a few of these), or had a question, he would grab me up by my hair and pull my head up to face him. Once his concern was addressed, he would shove my head back down and tell me to suck on his left ball. Naturally I did as I was told, until the next time he pulled me up by the hair with a question or comment. Then he would shove my head back down with an order to suck on his right ball. We rotated like this for quite a while, and I was happy to see that he seemed to be enjoying it. I know I was. He was meticulously clean, and well endowed. I don’t know how I contained my own desire to cum (I usually don’t). But I didn’t want to face whatever other consequences he might have in store.

There were a few other lessons learned that night, which I will remember. When class was almost over, the teacher remarked that he saw on Fet that I was curious about triple penetration. He took the butt plug I brought and pushed it into my ass, then told me to fuck myself with my glass dildo, and stood over me face fucking me until he came. As he did he pulled out quickly so that he could spurt it all over my face, then put it back in my mouth so that I could hungrily swallow the rest. Right about this time I began to cum so intensely that it was like Niagara Falls. I was shuddering and cumming so much that even I was shocked. We both looked at it, amazed. Luckily, like the dedicated student that I am, I had planned ahead for this contingency and brought my Fascinator Throe, a waterproof blanket that absorbed the impressive amount of cum that squirted from me. The last thing I wanted to do was mess up the teacher’s classroom! And then class was over for the day.

Amanda Lee is a lusty and enthusiastic newcomer to the world of kink who identifies with the submissive/slave/bimbo roles. After a lifetime of vanilla sex, she began to explore her dark side on Fetlife just five months ago and never looked back. Starting with a mentor who exposed her rather quickly to many dynamics of the D/s and M/s relationships via Skype, she has moved on to real life adventures. In her professional life, she is a writer.

Tagged With: classroom, erotica, roleplay, student, teacher

Dexx Interviews Sea

January 3, 2017 By Desdemona 1 Comment

man in suit

Dexx: You’re a BDSM speaker and educator, submissive, and active participant in the Austin and DC BDSM communities. You’re proudly contributing to keeping Austin weird, so how is the scene out there?

Sea: Austin has a terrific scene. Lately I’ve spent more of my time in the DC area but I’ve been going back to Austin regularly enough where I’ve kept in touch with it. It has grown and expanded, so many things have happened. There’s something happening every night of the month so we’re grateful for that. I used to help keep it weird by arranging a fetish night and we’d have lots of fun with it. We’d come up with a skit and get all creative. It was like performance art-we felt that was a way to introduce BDSM to some people even outside of it. Performance art is a good medium to do that. So that was my contribution to keeping Austin weird. These days my contribution is more within the kink community. Occasionally I’ve done things like recently I was on a panel about sex and technology and I was representing BDSM. So if a BDSM question came up they would all turn to me and somebody asked what sounding was-all heads turned to me. So I proceed to demonstrate using a pen and a sprite bottle! But beyond that most of my participation has been just within the kink community

What are the notable dungeons or other facilities in Austin?

You know that’s one place where perhaps Austin doesn’t have as much as DC. So we have one place called The Community Place which is a house outside of the city limits so it’s more like a small town area. But that means we’ve got some privacy from the neighbors and that house exists simply to host events, parties, or if somebody wants to have a day of education. There are rooms that have play furniture. So it’s much like a commercial dungeon but it’s in a house. So we have that then there’s also a place called Austin Dungeon which is a location for professional domination but they also host parties. Those are the only two venues we have of that type. But still that’s good. That’s two more than what some of the other cities might have.

And so you spend a lot of time in DC as well. How’s the scene out there?

You know, people are kind of surprised when I say this, I myself was sort of surprised to come to this realization. But I think right now DC has the best scene in the country. And that’s because it has something happening every night of the month and other cities can claim that. It has four to five commercial play spaces of the type like Sanctuary LAX. There are some other cities that can also claim multiple play spaces. I think what really sets it apart is its got six or more weekend conventions a year and a multiple of them are major conventions with a thousand plus people. There are outdoor festivals where we take over an entire private retreat. That brings yet another dimension because now you have all these activities you can do outdoors. Attendees are creating their own events. So there’s a lot happening for people who are living there. I think the east coast corridor where the distance is smaller, that also adds to it because we have people coming in from different cities. And when I say the DC scene I mean the DC metro area nearby; so Baltimore is another major east coast city which is about thirty miles away from DC and the two scenes have a mutually beneficial relationship. People from both of them go to each other’s events. I think one thing that makes the DC area scene that active is that it has a big population pool. It has people who began to set it up years ago so it has had time to mature. There are various other things about it like a greater emphasis on safety and hygiene.

Are there some particular leaders or pioneers in the DC area that have helped push it to become such a great area for the kink scene?

I’m sure there are in general. I appreciate all the people who help make different scenes what they are. I think many cities that have a terrific scene, it usually comes down to a few people who are stepping up and making that effort and channeling everybody’s energies together. There are probably lots of people who deserve credit for this in DC but the first name that comes to mind is Jack McGeorge. He was the founder or one of the founders of Black Rose an organization that’s been around in DC for a while. It has a strong education focus, it used to host a large annual event and I think that some of the DC area groups formed as the DC scene grew and splintered, and some came originally from Black Rose.

How’s the community’s relationship with local government and law enforcement and I suppose combined DC areas?

I have not come across any incidents where there has been any trouble with law enforcement. I do know of one case where we host a happy hour/play party. It’s a happy hour where some play can occur because we pretty much have the entire space and then there are also play parties that happen there. Because that place is usually a bar there were some question of what’s ok what’s not and so the guy who runs that happy hour went to talk to the authorities and got a letter from them that said “hey this is ok” so if anything does happen or an inspector does come he’s got it laminated and he can pull it out. That makes me think the environment there is somewhat open and accepting to it.

There is some concern by participants in that area because there are different types of government security clearances and people to whom they apply are generally more cautious. There was some incident in the past which began to attract the press’s attention and there were some people who were worried about it. A pro domme said in an interview that her clients included people who rubbed elbows with Obama and people were worried that the press would start poking into kink events. I was somewhat new to the DC community at the time so I thought maybe they were overreacting. But sure enough as we were talking about the press at a happy hour; we sort of had a group discussion hey what does this mean for us. So this one guy is talking and we start talking about reporters and this one women gets up, hands him her card and walks out. Turns out she was a reporter. So it looks like they didn’t overreact, maybe I underestimated it a bit. That’s the one thing I can say in that regard, that incident happened but I have not come across any incidents with law enforcement.

That’s great! It seems like certain areas around the country have different issues they face so its good to hear that area is not one of them. I understand you had a pretty conservative upbringing, how did you find your way to BDSM?

I did have a conservative upbringing. I had been aware of my interests since early childhood. I remember liking the Cinderella story. I felt bad for Cinderella but I was kind of intrigued by her cruel stepmother and sisters who beat her and treated her like a servant. Those are my early signs of interest and you can imagine is makes some really interesting childhood games. Captured spy. My writing teachers probably scratched their heads a little but after reading my stories because there were always violent female characters in them. Then when I was older, I had this sense that there were others like me. I wasn’t sure of it but when I was about eleven, my brother, he’s a couple years older than me somehow found some porn magazines and you know how brothers are. He shared them with me. One of them had this special edition on BDSM and it blew my mind. It had everything, a glossary so that’s how I learned what the word fetish meant. It had stories, some hardcore stories, photos, personal ads, so I knew, yes, there are other people like me who are trying to find each other. I’m not a big consumer of porn but that made me interested in porn because I discovered I could find bits about BDSM in it. Eventually through that, through porn I found my way to the internet and eventually learned that there were things happening in my city. I was in Austin at the time and I thought I’d have to go to New York city for something like this. So I was delighted to learn that there was a munch just a few blocks from where I lived. Eventually made my way to a fetish night. It was my very first public event and it’s been great since.

Fantastic. I’ve found that BDSM can be thriving in the most unexpected places. You’ve coordinated and directed music for a number of fetish events, I’m interested to hear your thoughts about how the choice of music can influence a BDSM event or even a scene.

It started with, in the beginning I think my choices were affected by what music I had but in general my approach towards scene music is that I think a dark and sensual sound are appropriate for it. So we would pick things for shows based on the energy they had like if it was a scene where the intensity was increasing, or some type of torture I had a couple of go to songs that had that dark feeling to them. I’d go with a song that had a nice slow sexy sound to it for a scene that was more sensual. Those were some of the influences, and genres that I usually pick from are world fusion and what you might consider gothic industrial. Those are the things I go for the most.

Clearly you’re educated on a number of different topics and I found a few that you teach. Masochism is one you’re pretty well versed in. How would you describe the different types of masochists?

The type of masochism that we most commonly think of in the BDSM community is physical masochism where somebody enjoys physical pain. Then there is a parallel to that which is emotional masochism which somebody likes the parallel element of pain which is emotional. We call it emotional SM. That’s perhaps a loaded term for some people but I think that if we can understand why people like to play with physical pain we can understand why people like to play with emotional pain. Its less intuitive, more edgy, risky but people play with emotional SM, there’s nothing wrong with it, they’re not damaged. Somebody could perhaps be damaged who also plays with emotional SM but it’s not an equivalence. So we’ve got physical SM, we’ve got emotional SM, and then there’s a third type called status masochism. And by status masochism I mean somebody who gets gratification from taking a lesser or inferior status. So forms of that might be where somebody likes to be treated as less than human or like an object and just like in physical masochism you have different degrees of intensity from a bunny flogger to a single tail you can have different degrees of intensity in status masochism.

So, physical masochism, gratification from physical discomfort, emotional masochism, gratification from emotional discomfort, status masochism, gratification from taking a lesser status. Then that’s one dimension. Another dimension that is central to this I call masochist centric masochism. To give an example, let’s start with physical masochism. Somebody who likes to be single tailed because the endorphin rush, chemical flight-that’s what I’m calling a masochist-centric masochism–masochist-centric physical masochism to be complete. Now imagine somebody else who enjoys being single tailed or flogged not because they’re getting the endorphin rush but they’re getting off on the idea that the sadist wants to inflict this. That’s what I call sadist centric physical masochism. Some people say oh that’s like taking pain as a service? Not quite, somebody who’s into sadist centric physical masochism is getting off on the idea. You can imagine somebody that’s not into kink agreeing to accept some kind of pain to please their partner who’s a sadist, that’s taking pain as a service. Sadist centric masochism is getting aroused by the idea that the sadist wants to do this. So the three categories I’ve described, each of them has a masochist centric and sadist centric component so in total there are six types and they’re not mutually exclusive. The way that I think of it is if you imagine that we can rank each of those types of masochism from one to ten, that creates the overall masochistic profile for a masochist, it tells which types of masochism appeal to them.

Alright, so humiliation play for example might be one form of emotional masochism?

When we talk about that we need to talk about two broad types of humiliation, one is about emotional SM and that draws upon emotional masochism. Then the other element for humiliation play is to lower somebody, it is to say hey you’re beneath me or perhaps somebody wants to be shown that and that draws upon status masochism. So humiliation play can be to play with emotional masochism or status masochism. Or both.

And what is it about those types of play that can be so erotic?

I think that with status masochism the different reasons why people are drawn to this will vary across people. I think one powerful motivation is that its sexually arousing for people but its not just that. I think that we have different types of gratifications that add together to create to our response to something and so when we’re doing any kind of BDSM play, D/s play, humiliation play, it can be causing a sexual response, it can be having what you might call a spiritual response and by that I mean where somebody gets into an altered headspace that could be they feel perhaps a calm, its like they’re buzzed and I think that-and I lump those experiences with altered headspace into a spiritual experience. I think different reasons people enjoy this is they’re having different types of gratification coming together that are sexual, that are spiritual, social as in a way of connecting with somebody, feeling intimate. The overall result is they feel good, why they’re feeling good will vary across individuals. All those little things that make them feel good add together.

For any given person who really enjoys humiliation presumably there are still some aspects of humiliation that might be a bad experience for them. Have you encountered that yourself?

Absolutely, so I spoke briefly about two broad types of humiliation play, one of whom draws upon status masochism. I called that D/s humiliation, it’s more about being dominant and submissive rather than causing emotional pain. Another I can call SM humiliation which draws upon emotional SM. That is about causing emotional pain. So my experience lies more towards D/s humiliation and I think that in general more people are comfortable with D/s than SM and the lines that get crossed more commonly occur within the realms of SM humiliation. With D/s humiliation it’s a bit subjective about what’s humiliating and what’s not. I could go through an experience where somebody uses me as furniture. I’m not going to feel any emotional discomfort, I’m going to process that entirely as a mutual consensual expression of dominance and submission. Somebody else might feel that emotional burn doing the same thing feeling what you might associate with humiliation in the everyday world.

Lets talk about coming out about BDSM to people. How would you advise, if somebody was interested in taking that step to tell their friends or family or even their coworkers about it, what would you recommend as a way to do that?

I think that it depends a little bit on the person. Some conversations might be more sensitive than others so for instance telling a parent or a spouse might be more sensitive than perhaps telling a friend where there’s less consequence if the conversation doesn’t go well. If it is a sensitive conversation then other things matter. You want to be more careful about the timing and that they’re not distracted, that they’re in a good state of mind. Pick the right time and place. If it is an example of coming out to family and if you think you’ve got somebody in your family who would be open to it, a one on one conversation with them first would be better because now you’d have an ally versus a bunch of people.

If somebody does respond negatively, this ally can intervene perhaps on your behalf. Then there is conveying the human aspect of it. Saying to someone that the same way you feel happy when somebody loves you, or when somebody holds your hand…that’s how I feel when I do these things. So I want you to know I’m happy. I’m doing this because I’m happy. It’s not crazy, that’s where you can cite studies. It’s not very well understood or widely known but it is one aspect of human sexuality and there are lot of everyday, fully functional people that do this so there’s nothing wrong with it. There’s this great study that came out of Australia and you’ve probably seen all of these University of Sydney warnings that might be related to this study. But basically that study is good for the BDSM community because its conclusion is that people who are into BDSM are no more likely to have suffered abuse or commit abuse, that they are functional people. There’s no greater incidence of dysfunction within the BDSM community.

Would you say in recent years as awareness of BDSM has increased its become easier for people to come out about their kinks?

Absolutely. I like seeing BDSM in films and mainstream stories and videos and celebrities doing it because I think that helps the overall cause. I think there are two things that help; I think of it almost as a vaccination. When somebody is exposed to an idea perhaps from a movie it makes them better prepared for them to encounter a larger dose of it, like if a partner tells them “hey I’m into this” they’ve had that exposure. So I think that the general public being exposed to little doses of this makes it easier for us. And Fifty Shades of Gray gets a lot of criticism for the way it’s written and for the way the dynamic is. It’s not based on a consensual dynamic. It’s a story. Those points may very well be valid. I think still it has helped BDSM in the sense that its furthered that exposure. Michelle Obama was reading the book! So I think it’s also created a bit of an openness. Overall I think it’s helped the BDSM image.

Are you aware of cases where people have been “outted” non-voluntarily by others around them to their friends or family?

Yes, I’ve come across several cases of this happening, hearing people’s account of this happening and the first one that comes to mind is that there is a guy named Sean Gray. He wrote a journal entry about it so this information is openly available. He was at this event called Exxxotica in Dallas which is a general adult sexuality event, a porn event. He is a very accomplished rigger and he was doing rope demos and somebody came and asked hey can I take your photo and he said he preferred not to be photographed. The guy took the photo anyway and it got published in one of the Dallas publications. Shortly after that he got let go from work. But that’s one example. Certainly people he didn’t intend for this information to reach found out about it.

So last subject, one of the topics you talk about is if a partner asks somebody to dominate them, they express that they are submissive and perhaps that person hasn’t encountered that before, what should they do and where do they start?

We can talk about that at two levels, when I do that as a class, I take some of the models for submission and explain it–like the different types of masochism. Telling them that there are different ways people do this. There’s no one way. So if you’re going to be taking on a dominant role, one important step is to figure out how you’re partner is wired and not to go by the stereotype and make assumptions. Uncover, dig deep, have those talks to figure out your partner. Then the other is that if somebody is doing this for their partner they have to find a way to make it fun for themselves otherwise there can be resentment and burn-out that serves neither person. Talking to their partner, perhaps other people. If somebody is new I would encourage them to join some discussion forums where they can asks questions. Those types of discussions whether with your partner or others can also help you understand why this type of play is important to the other person and shift some paradigms.

Generally hitting somebody we may regard as a hostile, unfriendly act so one point to try to convey to people is it’s not the act but the context around it that matters. The example I usually give is if you imagine a man goes and smacks this other man on the head usually that’s going to lead to violence but if I tell you the context is a football field and they’re wearing the same jersey and the guy that hit the other guy was congratulating him for making a big play then the context is now different. It’s a positive act. So similarly the context, the intention is one of good will. So what might otherwise be a hostile act may become a positive act.

Many people in the BDSM community have stories of trying to help get a vanilla partner interested in kink and many of those are ultimately unsuccessful, are you aware of cases where kinky people have been successful at getting an otherwise vanilla person interested in their kink?

You have many cases. And I think that there are different reasons for that. One is that I think an interest in BDSM also falls on a continuum. There are some people that must have it. Some people are take it or leave it. If somebody has a partner who is a take it or leave it type then that is one way it can work. Earlier I talked about how we have different types of gratification: sexual, spiritual, social gratification. So engaging in BDSM can be gratifying for someone. Say we have someone who is not wired for BDSM but doing things we do in BDSM can be gratifying for them in a social or spiritual sense. It’s intimate so they could be accustomed or begin to enjoy it for these reasons. And another way is, it kind of goes along the question of the continuum, it’s related to that. The percent of the population that’s part of organized kink is small. So when I looked at these numbers about two years ago it was less than half of one percent of the US population which was on Fetlife and I think the percent of the population that’s into kink, there are different studies that give different numbers and I think it’s also affected by what is considered the criteria for someone who is into kink. So something like scratching or biting, I think the numbers could be up to 50% but if you look at someone who responds to books like Story of O, that percentage from one study I recall is about 12% in women and 20% in men. So the point is there are a lot more people out in the world who are into this than those who come to the organized kink community. So somebody approaching a seemingly vanilla partner saying “hey what do you think about this,” does have some room for success based on these two points I’ve made. One they might be into it but haven’t actively explored it or they might like it for non sexual reasons. It can happen but still that’s one in five if you go with the 20% so your odds of that happening is not great. Greater odds are four out of five that they are not into BDSM.

Sea has attended events across BDSM, Leather, and Fetish communities for 16 years. He presents at BDSM events nationally with an emphasis on communication and psychology, especially submissives’ psychology.

He serves on Advisory Board for weekend conventions DomCon Los Angeles and DomCon Atlanta. His projects include writing a BDSM column for website fearlesspress.com, speaking at college human sexuality class, visiting vanilla forums to take a tactful stand for BDSM, and providing information to those seeking out BDSM. His past contributions include chairing the Austin chapter of TNG BDSM group for four years. You can learn more about Sea here.

Tagged With: education, masochist, sea, submissive, submissive sea, teacher

Dexx Interviews Hudsy Hawn

December 19, 2016 By Desdemona 2 Comments

hudsy hawn

Dexx: You seem to have your hand in quite a lot of different projects and activities in the kink world. You have the Stockroom University and you’re well known for various TV appearances. I’d like to explore how you got into all of this kinky stuff in the first place. When did you first realize that you were kinky?

Hudsy Hawn: I had no idea until I was getting a divorce and I met a Dom by accident on Craigslist. Up until that point, I hadn’t explored it at all except maybe a “who’s your daddy” spanking during vanilla sex. But I had no idea- I’d never even thought about BDSM. I’d seen those pictures of men in chaps or the woman in a comedy movie holding a whip but that was the extent of it. But then I met a man in the middle of the night, literally in the middle of the night at 1am in 2005. And I thought I was going over for a booty call and instead I was ordered to my knees. I crawled around on the floor and drank red wine out of a bowl and my love of kink was born.

That’s great. Did you have some hesitancy at the time or did you just kind of say, “Wow this is fantastic, this is for me!”

I think because I was suffering through a divorce and feeling very lonely, I was kind of acting out with my choices. Looking back I could have been a little more careful. Who I am now, I’m a lot more careful but I think that back then, that’s how it had to happen for me. The element of surprise knocking me over into this world of excitement I never knew about and lucky for me, it was someone who was sane enough to have not turned me off of to it forever.

So now it seems like it’s become a pretty big part of your life. Do you do other stuff as well or is it all kink?

(laughs)Well I had childhood plans to be a singer but then I kind of fell into this world ten years ago. I love it so much because for me its like therapy. It’s a little bit like figuring out what makes someone tick and how you can best get along with your partner through the acts of BDSM and roleplay. Before this I was a hotel supervisor, a special events planner, a cover band singer and musical theatre performer so I’ve kind of taken all of those vanilla jobs and fused them into my high profile BDSM career. I curate events and classes here at The Stockroom Hall. I still love to perform onstage; I enjoy taking my vast knowledge of modern music and creating new outside the box versions of popular tunes. My autobiographical show The Mermaid Diaries: Beneath the Covers is all about my journey from vanilla to kink. I use my own original music and well known covers to tell my story in a way that’s outlandish and different, with a dose of BDSM. I find a way to blend all of my lives and jobs together, if that makes sense.

mermaid diaries

You used to work at The Dominion as a Pro Domme so I’m curious about how you first got into doing that, working on the Pro side?

Once I discovered BDSM, I started going to the clubs and at the clubs I met people, some who were pro and lifestyle and I thought why don’t I try being a pro submissive? I love being submissive so I went in and interviewed and they hired me and that already was five years into my kink journey, back in 2010. I found that I loved it and I loved being around the other women and I loved meeting all of the different people and the clients that were into it. I had a lot of mentors there that helped create who I am today. While I was there I became a switch and discovered that in my personal life I prefer being a switch but now that I’m a grown woman, being a Pro Domme is better for me personally and professionally.

When you were first starting out as a Pro was there a training program to teach you how to be a pro submissive or a Pro Domme or did you have a particular person who mentored you to teach you those skills?

Well, The Dominion or any Dungeon/House is a great place for people to go work and learn BDSM skills. If you want to go learn about protocols and behaviors its best to find a personal mentor and that could be at a dungeon where people work or it could be a personal relationship or a friendship or more. I have been lucky enough to have mentored with a lot of great people. Lady Hillary, Mistresses Snow Mercy and Nikki Rouge, RevMel and many others have taught me a lot about how to be FemDom but then all the relationships I’ve had, men that I’ve been a submissive to or fetish family members I’ve been close to… The Dominion’s Resident Male Dom, Sir Rucifer is also my dearest brother, I love him to death and he’s taught me a lot. My exes have also taught me about what does and doesn’t work in a D/s dynamic. The local community has mentored me more than any one person or place.

Is there much cross over between the people that are paying clients say like at The Dominion and the fetish scene in terms of events like munches, classes, and play parties? Is it the same people or is it distinct crowds?

I find that in my experience people that pay for sessions are people that are private and so you won’t see them out at the clubs whereas the people at the clubs tend to be people who are already together as a couple or are all friends and so to me its been a separate energy. Separate clientele. There’s the clients who pay for it and they keep their life private from everyone, then there’s the people who actually don’t pay for it and just go to the clubs and play with each other. Because they can. That’s not to say that people that pay for sessions are always private, some people are completely out there. I’ll have people come in that do a session with me but I also see them at a Fetish Ball. I’ll say a large percentage is people that don’t take it anywhere else.

Switching over to talking about Stockroom University,what is the Stockroom University all about?

Every Saturday afternoon The Stockroom University is about helping bring kink education to the vanilla mainstream person who is curious and ready to take it to the next level. We want to offer direction in a safe, sane, and consensual way. We try to cater to all class topics and requests and desires, whether it be beginners who want to know how to get started, or to people who have been doing it a while who really want to learn a different angle on what they love. We also provide our space for a lot of sex positive evening events. We have sex educators come in and do their own private events, we’ve had burlesque events, and put on shows. I did my autobiographical show here. With upcoming seminars and fetish film festivals underway, the sky is the limit.

So there are a lot of first timers or beginners coming into the classes?

Sure, I’m seeing a lot of new faces in the year I’ve been here and that makes me really happy because I see that what we’re doing is creating sex positive support and making a difference. People have a safe place to go and then afterwards they get a discount in our Syren Boutique store. So they can actually take what they learned and go buy something and enjoy themselves that same night.

So what kind of topics have you covered so far?

Oh, so many; animal play, shibari, protocols and positions, various panels, (FemDomme,male submissives…) We’ve had transgender panels, love of latex classes, leather and boot blacking instruction, and even instructionals on fisting and rough sex. We always give a disclaimer at the beginnings of these types of classes for obvious reasons. We want to make sure people understand what will be shared before class starts so we have their consent and understanding of content.

So who are you typically pulling in to teach these kinds of classes? Is it people from Los Angeles or all around the country?

We have people from all over. We have repeat educators like Sunny Megatron and Ken Melvoin-Berg who are from the Showtime show Sex with Sunny Megatron. They come in a couple times a year and do amazing classes. Last time they were here they did an edge play class. They’re going to be doing a Halloween class on Hilarious Humiliation. Midori comes in a couple times a year as well. She will be here tomorrow with a class on Rope Dominance. We have a lot of local names in the community like Orpheus Black, Snow Mercy, Danarama, Sir Nik Satanas, Nikki Nefarious and many more. We even had some BDSM erotica authors come in and they did a panel and sold their books, but I’m also open to new instructors contacting me and if their experience and course is right for us, we’d love to have them. We’re open to meeting new people, it’s just a matter of if they have they taught before, and can I see a history of their career so that I make sure I’m protecting our students and our curriculum integrity.

The Stockroom seems to be a pillar of the BDSM community here in LA but I guess the whole country as it seems to be the main supplier of toys.

I’ve heard Our CEO and Founder Joel Tucker tell the story himself how about almost thirty years ago he was a young college kid wanting to be able to flog his girlfriend at the time but he couldn’t afford the expensive toys the local stores were selling. He was like, “Why don’t I do this myself?” He found the materials and he started making product in his apartment and he became so successful, taking mail orders and creating his own catalogue. JT’s Stockroom eventually became The Stockroom and we are still the first original and most successful internet source for Adult Toys.

You touched on this earlier , but have you noticed and increase in BDSM since the Fifty Shades movie came out earlier this year?

Definitely. I’ve noticed a change, an improvement in interest and I’ve noticed that people that come in are people that I haven’t met in the scene, and its even older couples which makes me very happy because I see that they are invigorating their relationships with this. I’ll ask what brought them to this and they’ll say my wife liked the book or I saw the movie and wanted to check out some toys and I was very happy to see that you had some classes because after I buy the toys its like “what do I do with this?!” It’s great to have that option for them.

That’s fantastic! So would you say generally speaking, BDSM is becoming more accepted within society as a result?

I think the books and films on BDSM have helped tremendously and I appreciate that. And I think that it’s just going to get better. I know that the Fifty Shades trilogy is going to milk it a little bit longer and by then I think there will be even more stories coming out about it which will be very supportive. I think the stigma that happens that some in the community dislike is that we’re hurting ourselves or that it’s not consensual or that we had something happen in to us in our childhood. For me there’s nothing like that. It was always just about realizing BDSM helped me connect with my partner. And I liked that and it forced me to focus on things because a lot of times people will be doing missionary and they’ll be looking over your shoulder. You don’t know if it feels good or if they’re into it or if they’re thinking about something else and with BDSM you are forced to connect. Some of the sexiest roleplay I’ve done is just my partner and I staring at each other and we don’t touch each other. You know, it taps into that mental telepathy or something and I think that’s great. That’s definitely something that you need in a good scene.

So The Try Guys video, its had over 3 million views now. It seems like that was a fun project to be involved in.

Yea, its been great! My good friend Steven Aleck asked me to do it. He produced a lot of the Buzzfeed videos. They called me in and he said we just want you to show us the ropes so to speak and I asked, well is this going to be lighthearted or are you just going to make fun of it? Because if you’re going to make fun of it, then I don’t want to make fun of what I love. They said no and I watched their videos and they do everything very respectfully and what makes them so successful is they’re these average guys trying something that isn’t average and allowing the viewer to experience it safely from their computer. That’s why they’re a huge hit. That’s why that video is doing really well. And I don’t read the comments but I think that it’s only helping to have a light hearted attitude about it. They were great fun, it was a really short shoot, and we got to feature some of The Stockroom’s gear. They were also using Love Honey gear, which is the official Fifty Shades of Gray toy. So I was kind of taking turns with both of the different designs and it was a lot of fun.

And you’ve been involved in some other vanilla TV projects like Storage Wars and have you ever any negative reactions from people about BDSM while you’ve been working with people from outside of the kink community?

No, I mean I’ve worked for some very mainstream vanilla companies and I’ve even worked at the happiest place on earth and they all knew about it; my immediate colleagues knew about it. They all thought it was hilarious and would ask me questions and I could see them logging information for later. And I haven’t had any negativity but I think I’ve always just been so open about who I am even before kink that everyone in my life is just used to it. So they just go “Oh that’s just her. Doing that thing again.” I have had some people hint that they preferred it when I was just a singer and I’m like, why not put my kink story into my singing? I think that makes me more interesting. You know that old song from Gypsy, “You gotta get a gimmick” (if you wanna get ahead?) You know kink is an accidental gimmick to my singing career that’s happened so I enjoy using that for all it’s worth. Both are a part of me.

I saw your stage show at at DomCon, it was great and clearly you’re a talented singer and performer. Did you have some prior experience doing theatrical stuff or other stage background?

I started in high school doing musical theater. I did it in college as well. And then the cover band business kind of fell into my lap by accident. So the reason I kind of call the show Beneath the Covers is because I was a cover band singer for fifteen years so I know hundreds of songs in my head and I love taking them and tweaking them and that’s why I use them in the show. That was my bread and butter for years.

Being so well known in the community do find that when you go out and just want to do a play session at a play party that you get mauled with people that all want to say hello?

If only it was that exciting! That picture is very complimentary but that doesn’t really happen. I think the reason it seems that way is because I’ve done some internet and television and being in the right place at the right time. There are so many well known Dom/Domme’s that have done much more than I have that I deeply respect. I just happened to hit at the right moment when BDSM became a mainstream big deal, so I’ve had some success because of that. When I’m out and about I have had some people say hello to me. They know me from Storage Wars or Try Guys or The Real Fifty Shades of Grey. But I’m still just that quiet little girl from Alaska.

And do you have any words of advice for anyone young who wants to get more involved in BDSM or just starting out in the scene as an adult?

I’m considering a way to do something to help y­­­­­­­­­­outh because I’ve had some sex educators and psychologists come to me and tell me that they’re actually doing counseling with high schoolers and their parents about how these kids are playing in private with each other. The parents would rather they speak to a psychologist in that field or someone like me who has an educational series where we can help todays youth understand what this all means and how to do it safely. BDSM books and movies have so many fans now, people like thirteen are finding this online and doing this. And I’m not saying that BDSM is wrong, but whatever happened to being a kid? I think that it’s very important that if anyone wants to get involved whether it’s a teenster or an adult, do your homework, do your research. Don’t just go online and meet up with somebody. I did that and I’ll tell you what, he was sexy at first, but he was completely unskilled and he injured me more than once. And yes, if it weren’t for him I wouldn’t be sitting here talking to you so I’m thankful for my history but I wish my first experience had been with someone who knew what they were doing and had experience dealing with someone elses well being. The best thing any newbie can do is be careful and read books like SM 101 and be a part of different educational series where you learn about safety and consent and not about just getting out there. Education is very important.

Hudsy Hawn is the Head Mistress of Special Events for Stockroom curating classes for Stockroom University and outreach programs for the Los Angeles area. You can read more about Hudsy and contact her here.

Tagged With: bdsm, Classes, comingout, dominant, dominatrix, education, Journey, teacher

The Outsider

September 13, 2016 By Jenn Masri 1 Comment

red leather

Large green fields. A huge bonfire. Adults and children playing, talking, eating, laughing. I say a few pleasantries to a few of the moms I know then focus on the needs of my children. Once they have had their fill of hot dogs, deviled eggs, and s’mores – they leave me to go play with their friends.

I sit off to the side, writing these words in my Hello Kitty notebook (which they probably assume I stole from my daughter). I wonder what the other parents are thinking of my behavior. Do they even notice me? Probably not. They’re busy reminiscing over the school year and discussing their family plans for the summer. It’s early evening so there are moms and dads here – whole family units. Every time I attend a school event I feel the same way.

Like an outsider.

There are a couple of reasons for this. One, I am in the minority of single parents. In fact I haven’t met any others in the 5 years we’ve lived here – even though I’m sure they exist. Maybe I haven’t met them because they avoid these things. In any case, that’s the less significant reason. The other is that I’m different. I doubt many of them would relate to my job, my friends, my lifestyle. There have been two other moms I became friends with and trusted enough to tell. As chances would have it they both moved away last year.

You may be wondering why I’m not as open with other school parents when I’m “out” to everyone else in my life – friends, colleagues and family. Well. No matter how kinky you are or how involved in the scene you are – you always have vanilla aspects to your life. For me, the biggest one is my kids. The last thing I want is for parents to worry about having my kids for play dates or (gasp!) sending their kids to me. They may talk, gossip, doubt, worry, etc. because they don’t understand that kink and my kids don’t mix. My children know nothing about the scene or my preferred relationship dynamics. However, ignorance and misunderstanding can often lead to fear. I don’t want my “being out” with other parents to effect them.

I’m not ashamed of who I am or how I live my life and I don’t hesitate to talk to people about my life. Yet there’s a line between it effecting me and handling it – and it affecting my kids in any negative way.

So here I sit, on the sidelines. Honestly, I’m ok with that. I have plenty of friends and acquaintances I can talk to. To everyone here I’m a single mom and psychotherapist. I’m proud of those parts of me too.

So after I wrote this far and put my notebook away I decided to walk over to the food table and eat more grapes. One of the dads approached me and we started having a friendly conversation about this and that. At one point he asked me about what I do for a living. I initially gave him my stock “vanilla” answer and said I was a marriage and family therapist. I’m not sure what it was about him, but my gut told me it would be ok to at least put out the tidbit that “I also teach”. He, of course, followed up with asking me what I teach. I explained that it’s not something I usually bring up around the “school parent crowd”, however, he encouraged me.

After I told him I teach BDSM 101 classes it turned into a lively conversation – including many questions from him – and I felt no judgement. In fact, it turned out he had dated someone years before who was into the power exchange idea but he found it wasn’t for him. We continued to talk for some time and it was nice (although slightly nerve wracking) to discuss this side of my life in that setting. It was a good reminder that you never know what someone’s history holds or how open minded they may be!

Fast forward a couple months later and I am at a birthday party for one of my son’s classmates. I end up sitting with another mom in the shade while all the kids were involved in an organized party game out in the field of the park we were at. The subject of work came up and I ended up “outing” myself to her as well. I suppose I’m on a roll! She was very cool about it, asked questions, etc. I explained that it’s not something I usually throw out there to other parents due to my concern over being judged as a parent, etc. She was very supportive and even friended me on Facebook.

Moral of the story – sometimes we make a mountain out of a mole hill. If either of these parents had made an issue of it then I would have to deal with that. But they didn’t! I will continue to operate as I have in terms of not making it something I put out there right away, however, if it comes up naturally I won’t be as afraid to let the information “out”. Pun intended.

Jennifer Masri is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, specializing in Alternative Lifestyles for individual and relationship issues. She also teaches the BDSM 101 class series at Sanctuary LAX in Los Angeles every Monday evening. Read more about Jennifer here: http://www.akinkshrink.com/.

Tagged With: bdsm, comingout, shame, teacher, therapy

Dexx Interviews Master Gabriel

November 9, 2015 By Desdemona 1 Comment

master gabriel

Dexx: You’re the creator of the Gentleman In Charge event, you teach the BDSM 201 class series, and you create leather products under the Ravynblood Leather brand. For many you’re also known as the voice of DomCon in LA and Atlanta. So, I guess if you go back a little ways, how did you first find yourself coming into the BDSM community?

Master Gabriel: Well, actually I first stepped foot into the Sanctuary in Reseda. A friend of mine at the time had seen some of the leatherwork that I’d done. We thought perhaps we could get something going and he suggested possibly going to talk to Mistress Cyan and see what she thought of the leather goods and see if it might be a worthwhile venture to try out. So that was my first step in and that was some many years ago, probably a good eight to ten years ago. Of course before then I was playing behind closed doors and didn’t even know there was an actual community at that point in time. So that was my first introduction into the actual community of BDSM.

So you have a degree in psychology I believe?

I do.

And do you think that that has helped you in terms of understanding the roles in BDSM and finding your own role that you like and educating others in terms of the different aspects of BDSM?

I wish it helped me more often than I thought because it really does but when you get up close and personal for some reason what you know about psychology just goes out the door. But in general, yes it helps me understand the roles a little bit better. It helped me to kind of understand the inner workings of the community as a whole, not necessarily as helpful up close and personal because as I mentioned typically when you get into a relationship with somebody it’s –there’s so much passion and so much energy going on you don’t really pay attention to those fine details.

Right –so the Gentleman In Charge (GIC) event seems to have become quite popular at Sanctuary. What lead you to creating that?

Actually, this is the brainchild of Mistress Cyan. She brought me in on it in order to start it up and run it. I had been mentoring under her and she thought I’d be a good fit for running it. Of course, then the only thing that we had in mind was creating a male Dom/female sub evening. At that point in time WICK, which is Women In Charge of Kink had been running with some relative success for about a year or so and she wanted to make sure there was a male Dom/femsub side to it as well. So we hit the ground running and took the reigns and its been going ever since.

So how is GIC different form other play parties?

It’s way different than other play parties. It’s specifically male Dominant/female sub, there’re not that many male Dom/femsub specific clubs in southern California so there’s not really much to choose from in that regard. In particular, from the get go our team understand that this meant for male Doms and female subs but we felt it needed to be a safe place for the female subs to come to. Otherwise it’s just any old meat market and we didn’t want that. We wanted to make sure it was a safe place for new people and people who are long term in the scene as a fem sub to be there without fear of having to do whatever any dominant that approaches them says. Which is partly why we utilize the red ribbon system where you can pin on a red ribbon if you’re interested in talking about potential play. It leaves that particular bit of control in the women’s hands, that way they can at least show if they’re interested in talking or if they’re just there to spectate.

Do you think that’s been an issue at other male Dom/femsub play parties in the past- that they can be quite intimidating for the females because its sort of open season for the males to think they can do as they please?

I think there’s a sense that that might be the case. Whether that’s what actually goes on in those clubs or not is dependent highly on the individual clubs. But I think that the intimidation is there and to make it open and make it well known that our interest is to make sure its not that kind of a night, not that kind of a club, I think that’s what’s important.

And it’s billed as a high protocol event. What does that entail?

Well for GIC specifically we bill it as high protocol simply because we make sure the gentlemen are there as gentlemen. We enforce a dress code both for the men and women just to make sure that the evening is more classy or make sure that its seen that way. As far as protocol in general, we really leave that open to the specific dynamic you come in with. Also if you come in with your own lady and you have your own protocol we make room for that. But certainly the feel is there. We want to make sure that gentlemanly Dom is the overall energy of the evening and that lends itself to the specific dynamics.

Great-would you recommend that as an event for people who are brand new to the scene?

Most definitely. Every month we get a ton of new people that are coming in there. Several people will send new people that they learn of and talk to in the scene, specifically because of the kind of night it is. It’s not the meat market type of event, you do have the availability to say whether or not you’re just there to watch or if you actually want to interact or not. The gentlemen that are there on average do act like gentlemen. We do make sure we have both male and female dungeon monitors. That way the females that are there do have somebody they can go to. They don’t feel like its just male run. So its very much well structured for that. Also on the flip side of this, at the beginning of the evening we have our discussions. That ranges from anything from negotiations to dynamics we’ll bring guest speakers and that runs for a good half hour or so at the beginning for education for the entire community. I leave that open as an interactive discussion on purpose because we want to make sure we get everybody there interacting. Its not there to be just somebody up there talking and lecturing. We want to make sure everybody participates including the new people. A lot of new people have questions that they really don’t feel as if they can ask at someplace like a class. That’s the place to do it.

In your 201 class series, you cover some advanced topics. Some of them involve dynamics and psychology of D/s relationships others touching on some areas some people consider to be edge play like needles knives and fire play. How did you come to learn those skills?

I learned directly from my mentor Mistress Cyan. Others were 101 training that were taken throughout the year, some is cross over from things that I’d learned such as martial arts. I’ve been drawing from Boy Scouts, personal exploration. So it’s from there and a lot of it is a mixture of all of thee above.

Do you think that people that enjoy BDSM tend to gravitate towards more edge and advanced play over time or do you think some people are more content to stick to the more conventional play like spanking, floggers and power exchange?

No, I really think a lot of them gravitate more towards the conventional play like flogging and power exchange. Not everybody is into edge and that’s perfectly fine. Everybody has different styles of play. The vast majority is conventional.

Do you ever have people that attend some of the classes and find themselves getting a bit squeamish?

I haven’t come across that yet. Usually I make it pretty well known what is generally going to happen in those classes. For the most I think people know ahead of time what to expect. So I haven’t come across anybody who has become squeamish yet- or at least not that they’ve told me.

And do you know of anybody yourself that has suffered unintended injuries trying out some edgier things? Perhaps not as a result of your class but just in general in the scene?

I haven’t seen too much in the way of it. Now there have been instances in the past that I’ve heard of and you know its kind of like rock climbing, you know that there are dangers that are involved in it. So there is the possibility for potential problems. I haven’t had the experience of having too much of that happening. You usually hear a whole lot about it but in my experience its better to be well prepared for something even if its not going to happen. The possibility of it makes it a necessity to be prepared for it

Do you have any advice for people who are curious about trying out some of those things but they live somewhere where it’s harder to find classes about those topics?

Well, I would go on the online classes, read obviously, there are a lot of books even on edge play. There’s a book called Play Piercing, that’s specifically on needles. Jay Wiseman has written several books on topics including knife play. There’s plenty of literature out there these days that are open and available for it

Your submissive birdy also seems to teach quite a few classes. More of the submissive oriented ones. You two seem to be a pretty good match in terms of you both being quite well known figures now as BDSM educators.

The whole House has been doing quite well with the classes and such, we have the Submissive Training Series that birdy has done. Prior to that we had the Submissive Bootcamp earlier in the year. Starr, my other submissive will be doing the next submissive bootcamp in the coming year. Of course there’s GIC and BDSM 201 but also the SoCal Poly Support Group that birdy runs. We do various conventions and such, we even have LA Next Gen which is run by Mister Gear which is also a member of the house. I have several fingers in several pies.

So that’s your House Ravynblood your talking about? Tell me more about that.

That’s my household. I’m the head of house. Ultimately it’s a group of like-minded thinkers. We’ve gotten together over the last few years or so. We’ve grown to be much larger than I ever expected it would actually be. It started up a little over a year ago, about a year and half at this point. And the first members of course were myself and Mister Gear. Vee came in the mix shortly after that. Ultimately, there’s a protocol guide, a household guide that we all follow and our major creed over the household is “to love, to honor, to respect” and we do try to get out in the community and make sure we’re teaching and putting that energy back into the community that we love.

I’m sure people often ask if you all live together?

It’s not a physical household in that we all live in the same house. It’s a household in that we all are like-minded and connected by the protocol. Together at one point in time or another, they’ve all served under the household. So the household is really what we conglomerate under. So when we put out the SoCal Poly Support Group, when we put out the upcoming Dom Training series all of that is under the household. And we all help each other to make it work.

Within the household, you mentioned you’re the head of the household. Are there other defined roles or statuses that people have?

In general yes. There are other dominants in the house. In fact Mister Gear just gained a dominant status. So in relation to say the structure of it you would come into the house, there is a period of time where you are evaluated. Then at that point in time if we feel that both ends are a match then you are welcomed in the household but at that point you are not given a title at all. You have to undergo what we call standards; standardized sections of information-some of them are discussions, some of them are projects. You do have to finish those in order to update your status in the household. Whether that’s submissive or dominant we also have “compeer” which is kind of a switch type of position. Those are various positions in the house. So really in regards to dominant and submissive, they’re pretty much on the same level across the board it’s simply a matter of dynamic rather than position.

How could somebody join the household if they were interested in that?

Well that’s all in our protocol guidebook which of course you would not have seen but as far as our protocol goes in regards to becoming a part of the household –the house as a whole will look at that and see if we’d like to entertain putting that person through a period of evaluation. Of course as the head of house I have the final say so regardless of what the house votes I am the final say on it. After you’ve been brought in for evaluation-there’s three to six months of evaluation where both the house is kind of evaluating that person as well as giving that person a chance to feel out the house and make sure it’s the right fit in both directions. Because if it’s not something you end up feeling that you want after a six month period of time then it’s probably not for you. It’s probably not something that you would be very invested in and that’s ok.

And have there been people who have either been turned down or have decided not to pursue that?

It hasn’t happened yet. But it might happen; I don’t now what the future holds. Obviously the future held a lot more people in the household than I expected to begin with.

Just generally do you have advice for somebody who’s new to BDSM that wants to be dominant?

Actually, I’ll be starting up a Dominant Training series at the beginning of the year. That spun off of the current BDSM 201 that I’ve got. In general, really it can be online classes, YouTube has plenty of things on there that you can gleam from. Read. I can’t emphasize that enough even if its audio books. There are tons of things on audio right now that are kink and BDSM related. Of course you can start off with the book BDSM 101 its for beginners in general. I highly suggest especially as a dominant to seek outside of that as well. There’s a fantastic book called Nudge. It has nothing to do with the scene what so ever but is on the mental devices that we as humans have that alter our decisions. There’s also another book, Mistakes Were Made But Not By Me and it’s all about deception. And that in itself changed my entire perception on how to discipline myself and discipline in general and kind of utilizing that for discipline and behavior modification for others. And of course there’s also podcasts. There’s the Fearless Submissive podcast, the TED radio hour -you’ll learn about both sides of the slash.

As a dominant you don’t want to limit yourself to just learning about being a dominant. Learn about the submissive side. Understand who it is your working with. What it is that your working with in general? What they’re going to see from their angle. And then think outside the box. Once you know the basics, once you have the basic skills the basic idea of what it is to be a dominant, work outside of that. Draw from what you now. You’ve been in marital arts? Fantastic you can draw from that. I can’t tell you how many things that I have in my protocol that I’ve drawn from my martial arts background. Boy Scouts, I’m an eagle scout, I’ve drawn tons of information from it. Most of the things that are in my household’s standards are drawn from Boy Scouts. You have skills, hobbies, do you know how to boot shine can you learn how to boot shine, can you learn just general skill over all that you can utilize in the scene? There’s tons of information out there that really has nothing to do with the scene in general but can be applied.

It seems like there are quite a few classes around for many of the technical skills involved in being a dominant whether its tying rope or impact but not that many in terms of actually the dominant mindset and your confidence and body language and perhaps inspiring submission in somebody who wants to take on that role. So, do you have advice for how people can get into that mindset a bit more and develop themselves?

Posture and breathing. Posture and breathing are two huge things that can help you get into that mindset. Far to often we slouch throughout the day and by the simple act of straightening your back and bringing your shoulders even has an immense impact. When I first started training Mister Gear for his dominance, that was the first step that we took, to straighten out his posture. Now that doesn’t mean you have to walk around like that all of the time but it changes the way that you look at things, it changes the way that you see things. It changes how you feel about yourself. And that in turn changes how you act and how you act towards others. Now you’d be surprised that by doing that simple little act how much more dominant you feel and again breathing; one thing that I have several in my household working on right now again drawing from martial arts, its called “One Conscious Breath,” and that’s the simple act of drawing in a breath and letting back out and not just breathing but focusing only and solely on nothing else but that breath. It lends such a clarity and peace of mind, it helps to refocus and again those little things, those simple little acts can change how you are change your dominance drastically.

It sounds like you’ve drawn quite a lot from martial arts which you’ve done. Which martial arts have you done and how long have you been doing those for?

The martial arts that I was in, I haven’t done it for a few years now was called Mugei Mumei no Jitsu-which roughly translates to “no art no hand.” And ultimately it was a bit unconventional I’d have to say. I learned quite a different smattering of things. It’s a combination art and really was kind of built from various martial arts so was drawn from ju-jitsu and kenjitsu and several others to kind of a melting pot into a different art all together. But between that and as you mentioned before the psychology background it really changes how you look at things, that how things don’t necessarily need to be exactly what they are presented as….you can do so much more.

Do you think that at some point, BDSM could benefit from having some kind of standardized training progression system particularly for dominants where you can measure progression similar to how you have in martial arts?

I think it could benefit greatly from standardization. Not necessarily that is needs to all be the same. The reason for standards in my household is not because that’s the end all be all of what you need to know. The standards are simply only basic to take care of somebody who might be dropping, how to recognize drop, things that really even basic players should really learn and know. And what that does for me as the head of household, it gives me a peace of mind that any member of my household can be anywhere at any time and I don’t have to be there. I know they know the basics, I know they know what they’re doing in those particular realms. Now that doesn’t mean that they are the best at flogging, that doesn’t mean that they’re the best at anything, that just means they know their basics. They know their basic skills. Now really everybody actually should know how to bandage a wound. Most people don’t even have a first aid kit in their bag.

So what attributes define a great dominant?

I’ve met so many great dominants. I will say a sense of patience and the ability to step away from a situation, to look at it from the big picture. I think that really is a factor that you see across the board. Most great dominants that you see in the scene they have that uncanny ability to step away and not let something rile them up even though by all rights could, to be able to step back and take a look at the big picture and act accordingly to respond rather than react to the situation.

You produce leather products under the RavynBlood Leather brand. How long have you been working leather for?

Well I’ve been working leather for-well my first job at Candy was way back when in 1996 and then I think I was fiddling with leather for a few years before that. So for a long long time. Learned a lot of tricks over the years. But I do currently run Ravynblood Leather. I normally have a booth out at DomCon LA. Occasionally here and there I will have a booth out at Sanctuary Marketplace coming up at the end of November. That’s really the only places that you’ll see it these days. I’ve really shifted focus. I like to keep my leather fun and doing it all the time for a full time business just isn’t fun so I like to do it here and there so that way I can experiment with things, play with it a little bit more and have some fun.

What’s involved for a layman who doesn’t know anything about leather working. What’s involved in turning the materials you source into a product like a collar?

Something like a collar-well you’re talking about straight edging and strap cutting it which basically means you’re cutting out the strip itself from a hide because they haven’t perfected the art of growing cows in squares yet. So they kind of come in wonky shapes. And for those who are in the know of leather, there are certain areas you really want to avoid on a cowhide. That’s something that only a person who’s been working with leather for years would know. You definitely want to bevel those edges, make sure its not scratchy on the skin. You can do any kind of design you want to do on it. If you’re savvy with tools, you can actually tool in it. These days most times you’ll see rings, so now you’ll have to punch holes for those small pieces, rivet off the pieces of leather, rivet up the buckle and finish it up. A little bit more work than a cut in paste (laughs)

(Laughs) And where did the name RavynBlood come from?

I don’t get asked that question too often. Actually that came from my family background. In my family we have quite a bit of native heritage. And the one native heritage that we managed to get the most information about in our tree, actually their primary motive for their tribe plan, was the raven. In that particular group, the raven was the only creature in the universe that was capable of keeping one foot firmly in the mainland, what we see and what we know, and one foot in the other world. It was the only creature able to go back and forth like that. So, I actually have native blood of the raven, hence RavynBlood. Initially that was just for the leather booth, and as things went that name stuck to me and kind of became part of my name over all and hence the household name was spawned under that name.

I hear you’re writing a book? How’s that coming along?

I actually am now writing two books. I’m writing a book in regards to household structure and how to build households. And that’s drawing from my experience as well as drawing from other experiences from other dominants that I personally know in the scene. I’m kind of combining all of those together a little bit to give people a better understanding of how these things come about and how to do it themselves. Parts of that have spun off into the gentleman dominant and there will be a whole other book following up with that.

That’s great, I look forward to when those two come out. Do you have a timeframe for them?

I’m hoping they’ll be out by the end of next year. I’ve got the first rough draft partly done already for the household book. That’ll be the first to come out. Hopefully the following year I’ll have the secondary book-The Gentleman Dom.

Master Gabriel is the Head of Household with House RavynBlood. He produces Gentlemen in Charge and Sanctuary Marketplace at Sanctuary LAX, is the Lead Educator of the BDSM 201 Education Series, and “the voice of DomCon LA.” You can view his Ravynblood Leather goods here.

Tagged With: Classes, Dexx, dominant, dynamic, Journey, leather, Los Angeles, Maledom, master, slave, submission, submissive, teacher, toys

BDSM Scene Ideas: Teacher/student Roleplay

October 5, 2015 By anniebear 4 Comments

Madison punished by teacher – images used with permission

Teacher / student roleplay is one of the most popular and enduring scenes among kinksters, and something I definitely recommend you try out! In this article, I’m going to cover Teacher/student roleplay and share some fun tips and tricks for an enjoyable scene. I write this with the caveat that a) not everyone is interested in roleplay b) these are simply guidelines – you can of course (and should) modify and expand on this to suit your (and your play partner’s) limits and preferences.

This post contains affiliate links. For more info, see our disclosures here.

My Dominant and I often engage in light roleplay. We dance in and out of our “play” roles throughout the scene, keeping it lighthearted and exciting while still preserving the power exchange. As of late, and in keeping with our dynamic, we’ve specifically been experimenting with a classic Teacher/student role play. We had a great scene at Threshold (Los Angeles) recently, making use of their fantastic classroom-style playroom – pictured above. If you happen to live in a less “saturated” area in terms of clubs, you can easily set the stage for your own classroom either in the dining room or your home office. Keep in mind, the aesthetics of the play space are less important if you are able to use your imagination and fully immerse yourself into the mental aspect of the roleplay, which is arguably the most important part of any scene.

Dressing the part of your role is fun too. There are a ton of options for school girl and boy outfits. Looking the part of the Teacher is as easy as a business suit or pencil skirt. The Teacher can start the roleplay days in advance by giving a homework assignment. This can be as easy as some rudimentary math problems or something tailored to be more personal like an essay question. This will be a great tool to bring back into the actual play scene. You could also plan it far enough in advance that your student has forgotten about it by the time the scene comes around.

Sabrina does not care for teacher’s punishments

The actual scene provides a myriad of creative opportunities. You’ll want to have your Teacher tools on hand such as a ruler, a birch cane or switch, notebooks, sharpie markers, hard back books (for impact play), a chalkboard or whiteboard if you’ve got it, and any other fun, non-school room accessories you may find useful.

To begin, the Teacher will want to assert their dominant role by conversing with the student about their behavior thus far. You can also discuss homework and give the assignment a once over to see if it’s satisfactory. It actually doesn’t matter if the student did well or not, they’ll still benefit from some punishment, of course!

At this point, you can really get your creative juices flowing (no pun intended 😉 My Teacher challenged me throughout our scene with verbal commands and tasks. Below are series of “field tested” ideas and scene-spirations you can use in your own scene.

Spanking is a natural fit in teacher/student scenes

-For being late and losing my homework, I was paddled with a brand new metal paddle with a heart cut out
-When my bratty side came out and I talked back, I had to write, “I must never be a brat” on the chalkboard twelve times while also reciting it aloud and simultaneously being caned.
-Teacher challenged me to a Ping-Pong game on the teacher’s desk. Every time I lost I of course was punished. At one point he claimed I lost a point. I challenged him and my Dom checked in with some of our scene spectators for an official ruling on the matter. I was victorious!
-My victory was short lived when I was asked a series of questions on varying subjects including geography, math, and a few random ones thrown in between. I think I was more disappointed in myself than Teacher was disappointed in me for the lack of knowledge I possessed. Geography class was a long time ago… how was I supposed to know Vancouver isn’t the capital of Canada?
-Naturally, there were plenty of spankings doled out.
-Pencils, rulers, and books can all be turned into toys. Corner time, detention and dunce caps are all possibilities too, depending on the preferences of the participants!
-I thoroughly enjoyed the people watching the scene, stopping by to view my humiliation. Even if you are in a public dungeon without a classroom, you can still claim your own space and enjoy those stopping by to watch, if that is something in which you’re interested.

To conclude the scene, the Teacher must deliver a final grade for the quarter. The Teacher cut my panties off and wrote in sharpie across my pelvic bone; “B-, Must Try Harder.” I was not too upset, having never been an A+ student in my life.

Stay tuned for future posts on “scene-spirations.” This will be a semi-recurring topic. Have you done a Teacher/student roleplay before? Let us know your own tips, twists, and scene ideas in the comments section below. Happy teaching!

Writer, model, babygirl, submissive. After trying vanilla relationships one time too many, anniebear finally realized her submissive desires and discovered the BDSM community. When not writing for Kink Weekly, she enjoys spankings and being tied with rope.

 

This guy annoyed his teacher one time too many

Tagged With: cane, club, Los Angeles, roleplay, scene, schoolgirl, student, teacher, threshold

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