The “Kinkweekly Launch Party,” with Lovely Fate last Saturday night, was a terrific expression of what a great BDSM play party should be. A very cool crowd, great bondage and fire scenes and excellent food served by scantily clad submissive hostesses, all guaranteed a good time – even for me, being solo, as my submissive seriously sprained her ankle earlier in the day. (The wages of “slutification” – insisting she wear heels around the house!)
Sometimes certain aspects of BDSM slip through the cracks and don’t get discussed very often. How Dom/mes dress for parties is one of these topics. (I will not cover dressing for submissives as they often dress to please their Dom/mes, so a guidebook on this topic is essentially pointless.) So, let’s see if we can come up with some concepts for scene attire that will add a dash of style and even power to your next scenes.
First of all, we must admit that black is the color of choice in the world of Dominance. In this regard, there is little debate. Black is a power color. In most human endeavors, there is a sort of social Darwinism that creeps into our activities. If black did not add an air of Dominance to any Dom/me who wears it, it would not be the ubiquitous color choice in every dungeon party. At Lovely Fate, it appears that even the Dommes chose the color black overwhelmingly. Even though the “New Guard” is dressing more color-casual, black is still the easiest option.
Let’s get a bit controversial in our next proposal. The way we seem to be genetically programmed, height appears to factor into the perception of Dominance. Surely, it is only part of the equation. There are many short Dom/mes, just as there are countless tall submissives. Yet, all things being equal, height never hurts in the world of Dominance. The Dominas have, for the most part, figured this out. At the party, even six foot tall Dommes (and there were plenty of them) were still wearing the highest heels imaginable. Obviously, they understand the power of height. Although Prince-type boots are not the rage now, I suggest that most under-six feet Doms give boots a try. They are a user friendly and fashion sensible way to add a little height to your arsenal. Being of average height, I really like the extra few inches cowboy boots afford me. Going from 5’9” to 5’11” might not seem like a lot – but it does unconsciously add to my sense of Dominance. Hey, if it works for the Dommes, why not me? No matter what your height, give boots a try. At the very least, you won’t feel like you’re at the office!
Now, on to leather. Leather has been an integral part of the BDSM community pretty much since day one. We have discussed the history of the “Old Guard Leather Societies” often on kinkweekly.com. The key word here is “leather.” Much like the role of height in the perception of Dominance, there seems to be a primeval, ingrained power feel to leather. Surely, it is, at the very least, a way to distinguish us from our daily work garb which, unless you race Harleys, rarely includes leather. Thus, if you don’t already have some leather in your wardrobe, it might be time to get some. And Latex for the Dommes is always hot – both literally and sexually!
All the previous suggestions pale in comparison to this one: dress the way that makes you feel most confident. If you don’t feel confident in leather, don’t wear it just because it looks “Dominant.” If a wife beater and camos make you feel “super-Domly,” then ignore everything that has been suggested before this paragraph. But the key is that it must internally bolster your self esteem; how others perceive you will reflect your inner perception of yourself. As the title of this article says, “Dress to express!” If this seems obvious, so be it. Some of the best tips I ever been given were pretty obvious. It is just that I didn’t see them!
After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.