With the debut of the second “Fifty Shades” movie (which I have seen), one classic, and most fun, aspect of BDSM has been overlooked – training a slave.
Although in previous articles I have stated that one usually cannot change human nature – or turn a Dominant personality into a submissive – part of the excitement of BDSM is training a submissive how to best please his/her Dom/me within trainable limits. And training usually encompasses both mental and physical punishments. In this article, I will concentrate on mental punishment.
The “Fifty Shades” series seems to advocate unending negotiation. “I want to change the terms of our agreement,” or some similar demand, seems to appear every fifteen minutes. This is not BDSM, this is your typical vanilla perpetual tug of war that many of us came here to escape. So even if you are a millennial with a more casual view of BDSM, you might find that the classic “training” is inherently exciting and not just some Old Guard blather. So, if you wish to participate in “training,” read on!
If you are punishing a slave, explain what the submissive is being punished for. This is essential. “You’ve been a bad slave” is too general – unless it is in a role play situation. I would also give the submissive a chance (if he/she so desires) to explain why he/she thinks the punishment is unwarranted. Most likely, this will turn into a brief excuse session. But keep an open mind. If you, as the Dominant, are mistaken or you misinterpreted the infraction, be big enough to admit it. You will grow in stature in the submissive’s eyes.
There are some Dom/mes who use the lecture as a punishment in and of itself. Some submissives respond strongly to disapproval. If a lecture works — and that is all that is needed — by all means use that as your primary tool of discipline.
Requiring your submissive to hand write a given phrase – such as “I will not disrespect Master in public” — a hundred times (or more) also works wonders. I know a Dominant who required his submissive to write “I will not answer Master’s business phone” five hundred times. Since he did not specify “hand written,” she used the copy button on her computer. So make sure you specify “hand written.” (A clever sub was she!)
Another old school punishment is the classic “dunce cap” routine. There are innumerable variations on it. Standing in the corner for a given period of time – an hour or two, for example – is one version. Making the submissive literally wear a home made “dunce cap” (make the sub make it) is not only humiliating, it also borders on the totally devious. Use this latter one with care since humiliation is not to be used for every submissive’s discipline. If humiliation is a hard limit, don’t go there. Even for discipline.
Isolation is another mental punishment. Making the submissive stay in a small room or closet with no link to the outside world for a couple of hours can be maddening. And one a submissive might not ever wish to repeat. But make sure the submissive cannot sleep though it. Standing up can make sleep all but impossible.
A less severe form of isolation – especially in the information age – is suspending the slave’s computer, email or smart phone privileges. This is one form of isolation that is quite effective as a punishment if you have a live-in slave.
Complete sensory deprivation for a period of time is yet another variation on this isolation theme. Ball gagged, blindfolded in a dark room – add sleep deprivation (wake the sub/slave from time to time) and you have a totally diabolical punishment. Use with care.
If your slave is trained for housework, then punishments such as re-folding towels that were done sloppily or being made to eat off dirty dishes that were improperly cleaned are widely used. The “let the punishment fit the crime” imperative is a wise one to follow.
Just keep in mind that even mental punishments can have their dangers. To repeat, never use a hard limit as a punishment. But if you use your imagination and maintain a sense of what is fair, the use of mental punishment to train a submissive or slave can be as effective as physical ones.
Finally, no matter what punishments you have used, do not forget aftercare. A punishment session can be exhausting for the submissive, both physically and emotionally. Thus the same procedures for post-scene aftercare apply for punishment sessions as well.
After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.