Since we are Kink Weekly, we cover all facets of kink. One popular feature is vaginal and anal fisting. Technically, this does not necessarily fall into the category of BDSM; kinky vanilla couples do it. Still, as it does have both pain and pleasure aspects, it can be part of any D/s or S/m scene.
At the legendary Los Angeles dungeon, the Lair de Sade, I was asked the following question: “What is the best way for a newbie to fist his (or her) submissive?”
First of all, unless the bottom is a natural fistee – or has had prior fisting experience – don’t expect to do a complete fisting right off the bat. Before you begin, follow this pre-fisting checklist.
1. Cut and file your nails! This might seem evident, but you would be surprised at how many Tops forget this detail. Personally, if I were fisting my submissive for the very first time, I would get a professional manicure with clear nail polish (the old “Mafia Manicure”!) And ask the nail tech to cut your nails as short and smooth as possible. This applies to both males and females. If you are a Domme and want to fist your submissive, the long nails usually have got to go! Fashion and fisting, in this case, do not go well together — at least in the beginning.
2. Use latex gloves. When you fist, you can easily tear internal blood vessels. Cleanliness is next to Godliness in the world of fisting. Wash your hands before and after putting on the gloves with a liquid, antibacterial soap.
3. Don’t use any device that can hamper communication — like a ball gag. Make sure you have a safe word. And a safe signal just in case the submissive cannot get the words out.
4. An enema before an anal fisting is a good idea. But as enemas can wash out natural lubrication, make sure you use tons of lube. Speaking of lube…
Now it’s time to get out the industrial drum of lube. This is a matter of personal preference, as there are many on the market. Don’t be stingy with the lube; use tons of it. Work it inside the orifice to be fisted (that sounds so technical). OK – put it in the bottom’s pussy or asshole and then glob it all over your hand. Now, go slowly. Carefully dilate the opening. You can even use progressively larger dildos if that is your bent. But the key is to slowly dilate the orifice.
Getting past the knuckles is the tricky part. Relaxation is the key here. Make sure your fist-side manner is such that the fistee relaxes. Since trust adds to relaxation, you might find you need a few sessions to build up the relaxation/trust aspect of your play. When you finally get five fingers inside and go past the knuckles, it is time to carefully curl your fingers into a fist. This will occur somewhat automatically.
Now a word about anal fisting. How one can stretch the anus to take a fist baffles me, no matter how many times I have seen it done. Most times I have witnessed anal fisting (I have only been able to do it to a couple of my subs), it was done by a Top with small hands.
Thus, it is possible that even after assiduously following my advice – go slow, use lots of lube, relax the fistee, don’t expect to do it in one session, etc. – one might not have the hand size to anally fist a given submissive. Or the bottom just can’t take a fist. Either way, surely this is not for everyone.
In conclusion, you might say that everything I have outlined is rather obvious. But when it comes to the possibility of internal injury, being Captain Obvious is far better than being Major Fuckup!
After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.