Hall of Frames: Hallway Rear [Self-Portrait by Domina Mara]
For a long time I felt there was part of me that was unfulfilled. I knew that my thoughts and desires were different than the mainstream. I knew what I craved, but felt so alone in it. To help me gain some insight, I started doing research to learn more about fetishes and kink. After a while, I stumbled across Fetlife.
To join the site you first need to create a profile. While it’s tempting to rush through things and get to the “good stuff,” taking your time with your profile is essential because it represents you. It gives others a first impression of who you are, why you’re on Fetlife, and what you hope (if anything) to get out of it.
To me, the About Me section is the most essential part of a Fetlife profile. Here are some tips regarding this section that I have found useful.
Setting Up Your Profile- The About Me Section
Here are some things to think about as you write the “about me” portion of your profile:
Although I’d love to say that everyone has the best of intentions in life that simply isn’t true. Safety and protection of your personal information needs to be considered. For instance;
- Don’t include contact information like phone numbers, your address, or email on your profile -remember your profile can be publicly viewed by other members! (I know this seems obvious, but I’ve seen it)
- Don’t use your real name for your username or share your real name or the names of family members
- Don’t share other ways people can contact you off of Fetlife
- If you’ve set your location to Antarctica because you don’t want others to know your exact location, then don’t join groups that have your city or state listed either i.e. The California Kinksters Group
- I would also advise that you don’t share your occupation, especially if you are in public service
What would you like people to know about you?
- Describe your personality: are you outgoing or more introverted? Kind-hearted? Super smart? Have a great sense of humour?
- Describe a bit about who you are. I did this by dividing it into two sections, “Kinky Me” and “Vanilla Me”. In the “Kinky Me” section, I describe who I am as a submissive and things I enjoy. In “Vanilla Me,” I share mostly interests and hobbies. As someone new you could talk about what you’ve learned about yourself so far and/or mention that you’re simply exploring who you are.
- If you’re currently in an established dynamic/relationship and have preferences for how you are contacted and how people interact with you, the “About Me” is a great place to share that information i.e. “I am currently owned and collared. All messages must be directed to my Dominant.”
- I prefer to keep my friends list small. Partly because I have pictures of my face set to friends only. I also like to keep my home feed something I can manage so I can see and enjoy what my friends have posted. It’s important to me to have developed a bit of a friendship through meeting at munches or through interactions on Fetlife before I add anyone. Because this matters to me, I also take the time to mention this on my profile. This way I don’t get a ton of unwanted friend requests, and if someone sends me one without previous contact, I know they haven’t taken the time to read my profile. The amount of friends you’d like is of course up to you and how you want to experience Fetlife.
Why did you come to Fetlife?
- Although Fetlife is not set up as a dating website, many people meet and connect with potential partners as well.
- Think about your reasons for joining and whether you want to share them. It’s helpful for others who are looking for a potential partner to see if you are as well or just focused on friends and events.
- You’ll find by sharing what you hope for upfront, it’ll help you avoid some unwanted messages.
Odds and Ends
Other things I’ve seen included on profiles
- Favourite quotes and writers
- Websites or other places members write and share their kinky selves
- Favourite music and song lyrics
- Bucket lists- a kinky “want to” try list
- Shortcuts to favourite writings or pictures they’ve posted
- Be positive. Often, I see profiles with a huge list of rules for contact. While it’s proactive to state what you are open to, long lists of “do nots” may give a negative impression and discourage others from reaching out. (unless that’s your intent)
- Leave space between paragraphs and information. Format your “About Me”. Long blocks of text can be overwhelming to the reader as well as challenging to read.
- Think about how long you want your profile to be. If people need to read a small novel they are less likely to take the time to read it
- Resist the temptation to write “I don’t know what to say, just ask,” Investing time into writing your profile leads to a better understanding of “you” and a more fulfilling time on Fetlife overall (at least that’s been my experience)
- Think of it as a FAQ-What are people mostly likely to ask you?
- Remember that nothing is set in stone. You have the ongoing ability to change a lot about your profile including the about me section. As you change on your journey, what you want to include on your profile will too
As they say on Fetlife, “Happy Perving!”
About the Author
GlassMenagerie has a love and fascination with the written word, and the way it has the power to elicit different feelings in the reader, especially desire.
The last year has been one of self-discovery as she stumbled upon the world of kink, and found the very things she had been craving down in her core, at last, began to make sense.
Writing most often about her journey as a submissive (identifying as a Babygirl and Little), she enjoys sharing her erotic fiction and poetry on Fetlife. Her work is sometimes a reflection of her past experiences or just her kinky mind running wild.
How did I miss this?!?!
Really a solid “how to” for profiles on Fetlife!
Very well written, have tried to be interesting on my profile. I also think it does ‘t hurt to express thanks to the reader.
Thanks very much 🙂
J Walker says
Excellent article, thanks. I took the liberty of quoting it here:
And thanks to the blog for advertising on Fetlife, we’re grateful! 😉
Thanks for your comment. I’m glad you found it helpful 🙂
FetLife is like the wild wild west of kink
Rough terrain for a new person for sure! Thanks for reading 🙂
Lucy Bleu says
Fantastic piece, well thought out with great information!
Thank you. I’m hoping it will help others. I was lost when I first joined Fetlife.
Nice tips, I’m going to share it with a couple of new guys.
Thank you. I hope it will be helpful.
❤ Great tips!
Thank so much 🙂