Are you an s-type?
Do you enjoy bottoming?
Do you want to know more about slave positions?
Then, click below to learn more about the joys of crawling from Kinky Assignments!
BDSM articles ideas bondage erotica resource
Are you an s-type?
Do you enjoy bottoming?
Do you want to know more about slave positions?
Then, click below to learn more about the joys of crawling from Kinky Assignments!
Over the years, sexting and cybersex have definitively become a thing, as they offer a sense of anonymity otherwise not found in a face-to-face conversation. This allows people to open up faster, enhancing the feeling of emotional closeness to the person they’re interacting with, and strengthening the mental bond to the other person. This bond can be a very real thing to the one who feels it.
It can be difficult to find kink-related social events outside of the internet. If you’re into anything considered socially taboo, or something not discussed in polite society, you might find it rather difficult to bring up kink-related things, or your involvement in them, over a drink with a near-stranger. On the internet, however, you can explore whatever you feel society wouldn’t otherwise allow.
Because of these factors, online BDSM relationships are starting to become a common, as they can allow one to experiment with what they may believe their place in this lifestyle, or explore their sexual psyche, with very low physical risk. It’s not difficult to download an app, or go to website and find someone to eventually establish and explore a temporary, or longer term relationship.
A lot of people enter online BDSM dynamics because they live in a community where the BDSM lifestyle has little to no presence. Some people do so because they are in real-life relationships with a vanilla partner that has no inclination of, or interest in, wanting to explore BDSM in any shape or form at all. Some use an online D/s relationship to learn more about Dominance and submission, to see if it’s something that they may be interested in, before getting real-life experience. This isn’t always a good idea, if you don’t make your intentions known before starting, or at the beginning of, the relationship.
Honestly speaking, as long as the Dominant or submissive is fully honest with all of their partners, these types of relationships can be quite successful.
And finally, there are people that enter online BDSM relationships because they’re predators, or just fucking creepy, and want to see what they can get away with before someone calls them on their bullshit. Buuuut I’m trying to stay positive with this article, so… Let’s move on.
Most online BDSM relationships start out being primarily about mental exploration, without the intimacy of physical contact. For a sustainable relationship, it’s about knowing each other, and developing the trust to explore things within the dynamic.
Power exchange relationships require a lot of focus and attention by both parties, being a process of continual negotiation and adaptation. The Dominant can maintain a feeling of submission, using certain rituals, rules, and the like. The submissive can do their part via dedication and obedience. As in any relationship, imagination, creativity and attention become extremely important here.
A Dominant or submissive who neglects their partner simply because they’re in an online dynamic or long-distance relationship, will find themselves without said partner.
Here are a couple of things to keep in mind:
· As the mental space in an online dynamic can be an intense thing, there may (read: WILL) be times where you find yourself doubting your relationship. Because of this, you may find yourself wondering things like ‘how real is my partner?’ or ‘how serious am I in my relationship versus my partner?’
· It can be difficult to shift between your online dynamic and real-file, which can take a toll on you. At the extreme end, it could start to feel like dissociation, where you find yourself feeling like you’re mentally breaking away from your partner. But even if it doesn’t become extremely difficult, it can still feel draining to regularly switch mental states.
With these things said, if you start feeling off at all, you should definitely discuss it with your partner.
Earlier I mentioned that there are people that enter online BDSM relationships because they’re just fucking creepy. This is definitely something you want to pay attention to, as you will no doubt attract an absolute onslaught of fake, or wannabe Dominants — especially if you’re newer to this lifestyle. Keep your wits about you, as submissive frenzy is a very real thing, and can land you in a dynamic you’d rather not be in.
In case you were wondering, yes, Dominants can come across fake submissives as well, but it happens far less than it does submissives. In most cases, these so-called submissives are simply kinky people that want to experience just that, kink. They’ve typically no desire to be a submissive, and will prove to be a total waste of your efforts.
To continue, online BDSM relationships can present their own unique sets of challenges — and dangers. While these dangers may be more mental than physical, it doesn’t make them any less risky.
For example:
· How would submissive rebound, also known as sub-drop, be handled online?
· How would anything disciplinary be handled online?
· Do you really know anything about your online partner at all?
Knowing their family history and other intimate information isn’t really an immediately important thing (it can be over time, if your relationship progresses in that direction). However, knowing certain things about their past relationships, the length of time they’ve been part of this lifestyle, knowledge-base etc.
· Is your online dynamic simply a form of escape from your everyday life, or does the relationship have more meaning than that?
· Could your partner potentially have mental health issues?
If so, is it something you can be supportive of, or is it something potentially dangerous to you?
From what I’ve found over the years, a lot of the people who would rather be in an online BDSM dynamic either don’t have access to public spaces or communities, or have had identity issues in regards to self and social acceptance, leaving no other choice for them except to explore these parts of their identities online.
Online relationships can be intense, and becoming highly connected to someone who’s not physically there is a very real thing. However, when conflict happens, the stability of that connection begins to fall apart. It can suddenly seem to switch off, like a light, and everything can begin to feel like hard work, with the technological tools we initially thought so efficient, appearing to become rather ineffective. All the rituals and daily protocols that have been established over time can quickly be broken.
Hopefully this will never happen to you, but if/when it does, it’s important that you have a support system you can rely on. Online relationships can start fast and end even faster. This, of course, can be applied to any online relationship. But online BDSM dynamics can be a particularly intense, and the tough times can be very tough for some.
Now, you might be able to cope with this alone, but it’ll always be a lot easier if you have support. Friends who can listen to, and comfort you, are always going to be the best support. However, if your BDSM relationship is something that you don’t share with your friends, then it might help to have an online community to defer to. FetLife is a good place to start, as the site has groups you can join, and there are groups on Facebook that you can join as well.
Whatever you decide to do, be sure to have someone to talk to in place. Don’t ever isolate yourself — it’s not a good idea.
An online relationship can indeed feel very real, in my experience. Online interactions deal directly with the mind, and because of this, one can create a mental and emotional bond much faster online. This can also happen with newer submissives that are experiencing submissive frenzy.
But, it’s an important thing to keep the fantasy part of online interactions separated from real life. It can be quite easy to get lost in the fantasy that is invariably part of online BDSM dynamics. It’s equally easy (and dangerous) to believe that everything that happens during online sexting or scenes, are an exact replica of what would happen in real life.
For example, just because you’re willing to kneel in an online dynamic, doesn’t mean you can do it in real life. Or just because someone typed that they flogged you, doesn’t mean they’ve the knowledge or experience to actually do it in real life. Anyone can put on a facade of ability, in real life or in an online dynamic. But until it’s actually proven in person, it’s nothing more than that — a facade.
If you have little or no experience with aspects of BDSM in real life, then it’d be rather difficult to discuss how you might react to something. This lack of experience should be made known to your partner. By hiding your lack of experience, you’re setting up both yourself and your partner for some serious hurt. Being yourself, and not creating a fake world or background, is an absolute necessity to make an online BDSM dynamic work.
As in any relationship, online BDSM dynamics require an active imagination, commitment, honesty, and time from everyone involved. With a bit of effort, an online BDSM dynamic can be a rewarding and enjoyable experience. Keeping these things firmly in mind will make the aforementioned rewards and enjoyment even greater.
Rajan Dominari is an educator, consultant, and author on the subject of BDSM and other relationships. He is the founder of Dominant Desires, a website that focuses primarily on BDSM education and advice, and the author of Welcome to the Darkside: A BDSM Primer.
I hope you have been enjoying Rika’s Lair, my monthly column dedicated to thoughts and experiences regarding power dynamics in Service-Oriented D/s relationships. Look up “Ms. Rika” in the search box for links to all of my articles in KinkWeekly!
This entry, I’d like to share some thoughts from a FetLife conversation that revolved around the notion that submissives “Enjoy” punishment, pain, and denial…and the question of how they deal with doing something they don’t really enjoy.
I brought up the point that I’ve shared here in previous columns in Kinkweekly: That feeling compelled to do (or endure) something you normally wouldn’t, forces the submissive to rationalize why they are allowing it (or going along with it) …and that the popular rationalization is that they are out of control and under the command of their partner – that they are “Forced” to accept the discomfort. This serves to build the façade of power that allows both partners to obfuscate the reality of consent and enjoy their dynamic despite the continued existence of free-will.
I’ve used this point to argue why punishment isn’t actually the most effective tool in changing behavior in submissives, since, although the submissive might dislike the punishment itself, they crave the concept that their partner has the authority to punish them. The more distasteful the punishment, the greater the perceived authority of the dominant, the more ‘enjoyment’ for the submissive. Obviously counter-productive to actual behavior modification.
During the conversation, one friend, who goes by the auspicious username of 000-298-237 (his friends call him ‘7’…jk ) posted an interesting point of view regarding the use of the word ‘enjoyment’. With his permission, I’m quoting him here:
“Enjoy” has become a difficult word over the years. There is a great deal that goes on, no matter the relationship or the context, that isn’t “enjoyable”. I still do things.
I have pursued the craft of blacksmithing for more than two decades now. There is a saying “Blacksmithing without burns is like expecting to swim without getting wet.” I’ve had my share of burns, thankfully, through care and luck I’ve not had any that required serious medical attention. I did reach the place where I let the burn sizzle so as to not spoil the weld. (It’s not masochism in such circumstances, trust me.) I haven’t stopped my smithing due to burns. I do not enjoy burns. Particularly the ones on the inside of the hand where there is no nursing them if the work needs to continue. I still don’t stop smithing.
About the same time, I came to hear “swimming without getting wet” I was in about my third year of chastity with a full belt. (A Goenthals for the curious.) That’s when “enjoy” started becoming an awkward word. “You must really enjoy chastity to be in that belt so much.” Most were surprised to hear me say “no”. And later, “‘Enjoy’ has nothing to do with it, but it’s not a hair shirt, either.” The side that gets little press about such things is the work of it. It wasn’t discomfort or denial. Even if it had become easy routine, the level of maintenance of belt and body requires dedication and effort. I’d explain this.
“But if you don’t enjoy it, why do you do it?” My reasons were several, and several were my own. It was not completely the whim and insistence of a Superior, and even when it was it wasn’t about what either of us “enjoyed”. Most of my specific reasons I don’t care to share here. Really, the specific reasons aren’t germaine.
“I appreciate it.”
Changing one word makes a world of difference, at least for me. My world has a lot of joy in it. My relationships have had a great deal of joy too. Sometimes the greatest joy has come when there was the least to be enjoyed. Maybe it’s age, but even younger I was little moved to do something simply because I might enjoy it. That’s for decisions like “I think I’ll pick up a candy bar when I stop for gas and milk. I’ll enjoy the ride home a little more with a candy bar to munch on.”
There’s much I don’t enjoy in service or submission. There’s much I don’t enjoy about being a father, or when I was a husband, or sub, or slave, or employee, or employer. I’ve appreciated and more than appreciated all of that. My love and appreciation has not diminished when dealing with dirty diapers or the considerably greater quantities of manure a horse can produce. I can’t say I’ve enjoyed the blood or vomitus or any of the several other less than pleasant substances and experiences of tending to people who are ill. I still do it. And I appreciate them, and the relationship, and the circumstances and environment and more. I’m profoundly grateful for them.
Joy does not mean enjoy.
I love this last phrase, “Joy does not mean enjoy”. In a nutshell, this is it. We can like the fact that we do things, even though we don’t like the things we’re doing. The price we pay for joy often comes at the cost of ‘enjoy’. Submissives derive pleasure from unpleasurable things…it’s not a paradox…it’s a fact of natural human life. We all have experienced this.
At the end of the day, power dynamics are just extensions of our other natural desires. There isn’t anything unique or puzzling about sacrifice for devotion and caring. We can find pleasure in enduring the unpleasurable. “Love hurts”.
I found this an interesting perspective and wanted to share it with you. I Hope you find it thought-provoking as well!
Ms. Rika is a lifestyle dominant, educator, and author; living in the suburbs of NYC with her husband/slave. She has written several popular books on her approach to adding Dominant-Centric, Service-Oriented D/s to relationships. You can find her books (in both print and eBook formats) at Lulu.com (http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/msrika), or at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, the iStore, Books-A Million, Kobo.com, or anywhere books are sold. Search for “Ms. Rika”.
Picture this; you have just finished a date with the person that you just started seeing and are about to be intimate for the first time. You are super excited because things have been going extremely well between the two of you. They have the qualities that you have been searching for in a partner and you are starting to feel confident that perhaps they will be someone who will remain in your life long term. You cannot wait to move the relationship from a romantic space to an intimate one and then you are hit with it; your kinks are not compatible. Perhaps you are a submissive and were hoping that their dominant traits would continue into the bedroom or maybe you are a Sadist and they have an aversion to pain. What does this fundamental incompatibility mean for your future with this person? Is it possible to make things work?
Kink incompatibility can be incredibly frustrating to discover when already invested in a person emotionally. Often, we create a vision for what our intimate life will look like with our partner/s and when that expectation does not become a reality, it can send us into a tailspin, doubting the very relationship that we have grown to love. The question remains; can a relationship work between two people whose kinks are fundamentally different? The short answer is yes. However, in order for the needs of both (or more) partners to be met, there will be work to do.
First and foremost, it is important to discover not only what kinks your partner may have, but what it is about those kinks that is appealing to them. For example, if your partner identifies as a submissive, it may be helpful to ask what type of submissive they are. What do they gain from their submission and what accompanies it? Often, our kink identities are complex and to begin working through the incompatibilities, it is important that all aspects of one’s identity are discussed. Once these topics are covered, we may be able to use some of this information in later stages.
Understanding why someone has the kink they do can also be immensely helpful in the discovery process. For example, if one partner is interested in cucking but the other is not, deeply understanding what it is about the cuck fantasy can be very helpful. If they enjoy the humiliation the most, can that be integrated into the relationship without bringing in an additional person? What sort of things have humiliated them in the past? Can roleplay be enough to satisfy the need for humiliation? These types of questions are what can get us to discover the depths of our partners’ kinks and we can use that to adjust to meet their needs.
Next, it can be helpful to understand how much someone is married to their specific kink role. Are they willing to try out new roles? Are they comfortable using toys or equipment that they never considered? This is where limits come into play. Sitting down and discussing what someone may or may not be willing to try can be an excellent way to discover new kinks. This can also happen by watching porn together, reading erotica, checking out online forums where kinks are discussed and more. Creativity is key when trying to find the balance between two kink identities that do not seem to fit together.
Couples may also want to consider how they define their relationship structure and agreement. Often, the topic of whether or not a couple will be monogamous is not even discussed, as monogamy is the societal standard that frequently dictates how relationships will look. This does not need to be the case. Each couple has the ability to determine how the structure of their relationship will exist and sometimes, being open (whether monogamish, polyamorous, or otherwise) can allow for more needs to be met. Keep in mind, this does not need to be in a sexual way! If one partner is a Sadist who craves spanking play, they may be able to find themselves a spanking partner who only exists in that play space and does not involve any sex whatsoever. This can take pressure off of the partner who has no interest in that type of play and allow the other partner to have the need met that is not being satisfied in the relationship. This type of additional partner works well when one partner has an interest and the other does not. However, what happens when both parties identify as the same role?
For this issue, integrating additional individuals may also be of help. For example, if both partners in a relationship are submissive, it may be possible for them to find a third Dominant partner who uses their power to Dom partner A into topping partner B or vice versa. This can allow for the intercourse to remain between the couple but also allow for the dynamic to be at play. Both partners will be in a submissive role and the third party may derive pleasure from their participation. Keep in mind, all parties involved must consent to absolutely everything!
Lastly, when all other options seem to have been exhausted, it may be time to check in with a professional. Couples counseling, with a kink specialized therapist, can be incredibly helpful for couples struggling to get on the same page about their erotic lives. There is no shame in seeking additional support and a kink specialized therapist will likely have worked with this issue before.
Overall, kink incompatibility is certainly a tough issue to work through but it does not mean that a relationship is doomed to fail. Like so many other things that come up in relationships, this takes work, patience and understanding. With communication, creativity and respect, we can create relationships where needs are met and all folks are satisfied!
Elyssa Helfer is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist specializing in the Kink and Alternative Lifestyle community. She is a writer, lecturer and advocate for sexual empowerment and sexual freedom. She has a private practice in Los Angeles, CA and is dedicated to shifting the narrative about both the mental health and Kink community.
By eve 2 Comments
***All works of erotica are fictional. We never condone anything that is not safe and consensual.
A box was at the top of the stairs for cell phones, house rules. Each participant had signed a contract for tonight’s session. A faint smell of incense meets everyone as they make their way into the transformed basement. The only light is from a strand of Christmas lights stapled across an exposed beam. Oversized pillows and rugs covered the floor in front of a brown plush couch, which has seen better days. A padded sawhorse with straps and St. Andrews cross featured in the middle of the room. Speakers hidden behind draped fabric played 80’s hairband music. The music clashed with the vibe. It should have been sitars and ethereal voice drawing the participants into the Arabian night fantasy. Tonight, I was the watcher. A group of t-shirt and bare-chested men were making conversation on the far side of the staircase. The music quieted, a voice from upstairs called, “draw near, the auction will begin.” Each stair has a set of bare feet and legs.
The robed herald leads the line of slaves to the center of the room. The men on the far side fell in behind and immediately began to handle and inspect what was on offer. Each slave wore only a collar with a card hanging from it. The hard limits for each slave were stated on the label. The first beast on offer was male; his loose black curls covered his eyes. His mouth had been painted bright pink. It shimmered from the cheap gloss that had been used to begin his humiliation. A small pink ribbon encased his balls and accentuated his semi-erect cock. A Dom, bare-chested wearing cowboy boots and a pair of pressed jeans, ran his hand from the nape of curls to the slave’s full round ass. He sniffed closely and called to his compatriots, “boys, I smell fresh meat.” The bawdy laughter of the Masters’ filled the room with an eerie sense of the satisfaction they would take in those on offer tonight.
“What’s this useless Fuckwad afraid of?” he asked indifferently, smacking the slave’s ass, leaving a handprint on the soft pink flesh. The slave didn’t make a sound or make eye contact with the handler who held his collar.
“Oh, I think this will please you, Sir, no feet, that’s it.” With that, two other Doms approach and inspect the slave. One forces its’ mouth open and sticks two fingers to the back of the slave’s throat. He looks at the other Dom and says, “yeah, he’d do,” He presses down on the sex-slave’s head, forcing him to his knees. The Dom lines his leather-clad crotch with Fuckwad’s face.
LeatherD taps the handler on the shoulder, “let’s get started. This one amuses me.” The three men step back and wait for the auction to begin. “Tonight, is for real money. It all goes to a local charity. There is a minimum of 300.00 per slave but no maximum.”
I open my book and record the pen name (fuckwad) for the first. Bidding starts with 300.00 and goes up to $20.00 between the three men until they reach 500.00. A 500, the handler uses a crop and smacks the thighs and stomach of Fuckwad. “Gentleman, this one wants to be used hard and made very wet” He laughs at his own pun. Leather-clad Dom takes the bait, he approaches Fuckwad and roughly opens his mouth.
“$700.00.”
The other Doms raise their hands in surrender.
“Sold for tonight only, Fuckwad to LeatherD.” I record the amount in my book.
LeatherD clips a lead onto Fuckwad’s collar and yanks him towards his table. Slave followed, all eyes in the room turned to watch. The sex-toy is now fully erect, and precum glistens on the head. LeatherD smacks the member and warns the useless fucker that he will regret cummings without permission or giving his money’s worth.
“Yes, sir,” seeps from his lips. With lightning speed, LeatherD had a hand full of curls and forced his slave to his knees. “Don’t speak! Every time you do something without permission, it’s five with the flogger. Nod if you understand. Your safe work is can-opener.” Master delivers three tight smacks to the slave’s cheek. “I don’t like to repeat myself,” he continues to smack the other cheek as the slave nods.
Fuckwad’s cheeks were flushed from the smacks, he nodded, and a grin came across his face. I waited for the smirk to turn into a saucy comeback, but he stayed silent. LeatherD removed the ribbon with a deft hand and put a silicone cock ring around his play toy’s balls. Fuckwad stood ready for inspection, his fingered interlaced behind his head. Leather D had put wrist cuffs on his slave after he had inspected for cuts and bruises. “Safe, sane, and consensual,” he said, and he cracked a crop across his slave’s thigh.
“Ow!” shot out of Fuckwad’s mouth, and his eyes bulged the second he realized he had made a sound.
Without breaking stride, Master quipped, “that’s five slave- do keep track.” Fuckwad nodded but didn’t make a sound.
I could see him trying to look through his curls and keep his head bowed. Master for the night took inventory and continue to size him up. LeatherD tweaked the toy’s nipples, slapped his cock, and grumbled insults. All the while, the rest of the room continued with their inspection of the other slaves. Leather D held a flogger and nipped at the toy, flicking and barely making contact. Master soothed the awakened flesh with his large, calloused hands, grabbing and squeezing Fuckwad’s ass. Master circled like a shark dizzying its prey.
“You were fucking looking at me, you piss ass, don’t you dare look at me. You are a goddam waste of flesh. Your father would have been better off wanking off into the harbor, rather than your useless mother.” He spits in the slave’s face.
LeatherD turned his back on the room and inspected the items he had prepared for the evening. He pulled a deep red flogger. It must have had 100 falls; it was stunning. Extending his arms, the fall draped over on forearm. He displayed the flogger, holding it up, so close Fucktard automatically turned away. “That’s another 5 -you pussy,” Master drew back and walked behind. “Count bitch, what is your safeword?
“Can-opener” was clear as a bell, a sign Fuckwad was delighted to have Master punish him. Master did a final inspection of his toy’s thighs, ass, and back. He murmured something in approval. The first lash was met with little more than a murmur and the count of one. Fuckwad stood unrestrained hands clasped in front of him, feet shoulder-width apart. The next four were delivered in quick succession from thighs, ass, and back. He hesitated only to hear the count. On the third lash, Fuckwad wavered on the count as he fought to keep his position against the force. Master said, “that hesitation gets a do-over; let’s try that again, slut.” This lash had full force behind it. Leaving stripes across Fuckwad’s back.
“Three,” he blurted out and bit down on his lower lip. The strikes to the ass were the hardest from the sound and the resolve of Fucktwad’s tone. The final strike was not hard but airy, making contact between the shoulder blades and dragging the falls softly down the slave’s back. The flesh was crimson with streaks. Master rubbed and soothed the flesh as he walked Fuckwad towards his table, “good slave, hands on the table.”
Master removed the cock ring, and Fuckwasd shuttered as he held his load. He took a vibrating prostate stimulator, applied lubricant to the tip, and cut a length of bondage tape. Fuckwad was moved to the far side of the stairs, where the light was lower, and the others would have to consciously shift to continue to watch the session play out. Master clipped the cuff to a nylon strap that had been wrapped around the exposed crossbeam. Fuckwad was no longer able to stand flatfooted. He was upon his toes and fighting to keep balanced. Master spread his toy’s ass check and slowly inserted the anal stimulator. A groan of pleasure rose from his slave. A piece of bonding tape kept it in place. The slave’s cock was red and engorged from the stimulation. Master’s finger flicked the tip, after the fourth or fifth flick, his slave winced. Long firm strokes were met with breathless moans. Smack, “I didn’t give you permission to speak. Now you wait.”
LeatherD leaned against the table and unzipped his pants. His erect cock released and ready, “look at me, slave,” he held his toy’s eye and began to stroke. The slave’s cock seeped and jumped with excitement. Master circled Fuckwad and tapped the anal probe quickly. He held his slave to his chest. It was too much to endure. “Please let me cum?”
“Not yet,” Master held his slave tighter and increased the intensity.
“Oh, Oh, Ogh, please, Master?” the speech was practiced. Tethered to the ceiling on his toes, he opened his legs and held his load on the edge of ecstasy.
“You cum after I do.” He ripped the bondage tap away and removed the simulator. Master stood behind the slave and penetrated him. The slave threw his head back in pleasure. LeatherD was tall and tucked himself in under the restrained fuck toy. Bringing his slave to the edge again, removed himself and released the slave. Without prompting Fuckwad was on his knees, hands behind his back, sweat running down his body, and his master’s cock was in his mouth. The face fucking was relentless, Fuckwad gagged and drooled, taking his Master deep. Leather D lost control, just for a moment. I caught the look of pleasure as he watched the slave bring him to climax. He came in the slave’s mouth, and the cum dripped off his chin. He made no effort to clean his face.
“Bring me the horse, I will finish you off hard, and you will be grateful.” Leather D used a towel and zipped his pants back up. He stepped into a dildo harness with a nine-inch bright orange cheetoh of a cock. It was the funniest thing I had ever seen.
Fuckwad lifted and carried the awkward piece of furniture, avoiding contact with his cock, which was still hard but slightly less engorged. “You ready to cum, my boy?” he said with a smile. He strapped his slave down lengthwise. Fuckwad’s cock pressing against the edge of the horse, I’m guessing he wished for a glory hole right about now. Fuckwad’s new position drew the attention of another Dom.
He stood in front of Fuckwad, “may I use the front end? He seems talented?”
LeatherD laughed and slapped slave’s ass hard, “he is a good cocksucker, useless as a man, good fuck toy, though. Use that end at your leisure.”
With a condom clad member, Leather D pound Fuckwad, letting him moan and writhe to his heart’s content. He struggled with the desire to curl in on himself as Leather D rode him because his mouth was full of a relatively thick and short penis. He gagged as the cock was forced to the back of his throat.
“Do that again. He gave a little extra to me when you did that,” he said to the guest. His slave’s eyes watered, and he gagged on the short cock as he felt his release. His cock twitched so fervently it hit the horse as he came. Every nerve was stimulated. He was electric with the awakening his body was going through. You could see it. After he came, you could see the energy leave him. He was spent. LeatherD finished, and the other Dom walked away as he came on Fuckwad’s face. He nodded at his fellow Dom in thanks. LeatherD released Fuckwad and wrapped him in a warm blanket.
“You served me well, have some fruit from the tray, and you can sit at my feet.”
They joined the group and watched the proceeding in the other part of the dungeon.
By Dexx 2 Comments
Don’t miss the story of Mom turned Domme from the Daily Star!
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Don’t miss this riveting article about how BDSM can have therapeutic benefits from Big Think!
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Celebrity Insider touches on the Marilyn Manson abuse allegations and differentiates between BDSM and abuse.
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Have some kinky news to share? Tell us about any upcoming BDSM events, new products, dungeon openings / closings, kink in mainstream media, and anything else you think kinky folks might be interested to hear about. Send your tips through to kinkweekly@gmail.com, and it might just end up on next week’s “This Week in Kink.”
Into bondage?
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Then, check out this week’s awesome video that outlines the six sexiest bondage scenes from film and TV!
This is a question that is self-explanatory. So here it is:
Reader: Orgasm control and denial are topics of interest for me. I’ve heard lots of good things, but also that it can cause negative side effects. What do you think? Any tips?
First things first. Can denial produce negative effects? Many old wives’ tales suggest this to be true. Some claimed that too much sex is bad; others said that denial is the road to ruination. In the Reefer Madness era, believe it or not, there were even ones that said you would go blind if you masturbated excessively. Yet the worst that happened to me is that I wear contact lenses. Negative effects from orgasm control are a similar urban sex legend. Sexual denial usually produces no negative effects — other than causing fewer orgasms in your life. Albeit bigger ones!
The purpose of orgasm manipulation is basically to make for better, bigger more intense orgasms. (Sounds like a late night TV advertisement for the Orgasmotron – but wait, there’s more!) Most of us practice a form of orgasm control even in the vanilla sex world. — most men delay orgasm for as long as possible to increase mutual pleasure. But in BDSM, we have raised this to an art form. Let’s look at the two major classes of devices used in orgasm control – the “chastity belt” and the “cock cage”.
Since many things old become new, the chastity belt for females is making a comeback. As we become a more egalitarian society, it was only natural to expect chastity devices to be equally available to all sexes. Or to put it into Mad Men advertising language, “Chastity devices ain’t just for men anymore.” The effect of a chastity belt worn by a submissive – both from a role play point of view and a control perspective – can be awesome. Recently, lightweight plastic/composite belts have replaced the old bulky leather/metal ones; these high-tech belts are not the heavy locked affairs of Elizabethan times. These modern versions are a unique (although expensive) way for a Dominant to establish the ultimate in orgasmic and sexual control.
The cock cage too has felt the advancement of technology in its development. From the early plastic versions (the CB 2000) to the modern stainless alloy types, just like face-masks, they are available in a myriad of designs. (Once this pandemic is over, you can use your spare face-masks for BDSM play!) But whether used for pleasure or punishment – or anything in between – ultimately the aim of such devices is to make your play more exciting.
There is no doubt that sexual denial can increase horniness. (Just go to a singles bar on a Friday right after work.) But if you practice sexual denial on purpose, you can increase the anticipation and raise the sexual excitement to a fevered pitch. “Don’t masturbate (or have sex) until I see you next week” is a popular Dominant’s technique that can turn the submissive into a horny, sex-crazed obsessive by the time they see each other.
Another technique of orgasm control is that of bringing a submissive to the brink of climax over and over again. Whether ending in a “ruined orgasm” or a “super orgasm,” this “tease and denial” technique can be done over a period of hours (or days…WOW!) and can be excruciatingly exciting. Coupling BDSM play with “tease and denial” in a s scene a great way to produce explosive orgasms.
There is one area I have left to last – the legendary training of a submissive to “cum on command.” This has an almost mythic quality to it; it appears to be the ultimate Dominant achievement. I have heard tales of a Master being able to order his slave to cum via telephone and the slave doing so without even touching herself. I personally have never witnessed this; nor have I ever achieved this feat.
What I have done is to train a submissive to become extremely sexually excited via a voice command. The training technique I use is to deny orgasm over a period of time, thus building a heightened state of arousal. Then you link your voice command to this excited state – by stating your command at the time of highest sexual arousal. This conditioned response training is one way to get closest to making the submissive “cum on command.” And maybe, using this technique over a period of time, it can actually be accomplished.
As with all my suggestions, they are just that – suggestions. So let me know your experiences. Good luck!
After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.
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Be sure to check out PV Chat, a movie about a gambler who falls in love with a Dominatrix.
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Daily news explains that France wants to set the age of consent to 15.
This would legalize folks 18+ being able to sexually engage with minors 15 and over.
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CNN shares that Utah refused to pass a bill that would require consent be taught in sex education classes.
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Being a kinkster is as unique as a random dot on a page. What do I mean by that? If you think of the world of kink as represented by a sheet of paper. On one axis you have the range of fetishes and on the other axis you have the range of intensities. If I look at my world of kink, the fetishes I am into and you look at the intensity level of my kink life, you will be able to put a coin about the size of a silver dollar over my preferences somewhere on the page.
Take protocols. In simple terms, a protocol is defined as “a system of rules that explain the correct conduct and procedures to be followed in formal situations” I am not motivated to have my submissive do tasks for the sake of doing tasks. And at the same time, our life, in a 24/7 TPE dynamic, we have a number of protocols in our life. Some are simple, for example, when my submissive goes off to work, she wears a butt plug as a way of keeping me with her, and she is required to send me a good morning message with a picture of her ass, butt plug inserted. This is especially true for us after marking her, she is required to send me pictures of her marks every day. That is a protocol. Something I have asked her to do for me as a matter of routine. I never have to ask her to send me a picture of her marks, our protocol is that she just does so after being marked as a matter of protocol. And she sends me a message via WeMinder (which I will talk more about in a minute) that she completed her task or duty.
There are other Dom’s who have similar but different protocols that they have designed for their preferred lifestyle. I interviewed a Dom who has his sub wash him in the shower and then she kneels with his towel presented to him as he steps out of the shower. It is a simple gesture of submission, and similarly to my sub, his sub does so as a matter of protocol without being asked.
Some dynamics are extremely high protocol. To the point that the sub has to have permission to do anything, including go to the bathroom. The degree of how intense the protocol dynamics are depend on the needs of the partners and they must determine what works for them.
Even though my submissive is collared, and even though this is TPE and a 24/7 dynamic, we actually have numerous protocols that we have chosen to live with. Before I say more about that, I want to talk about an app called WeMinder. This is an app that we use to track the protocols we have in play. We interviewed Mako, the developer of the app on our podcast, Kinky Cocktail Hour, that you can listen to here: https://www.buzzsprout.com/962578/episodes/6206590.
Using this app, my submissive logs her tasks and chores as she completes them, and it allows me to offer her feedback from praise to scolding, and even punishment. She can also share her mood with me at any time and know instantly that I am aware of how she is feeling. It’s a fantastic app for D/s couples who are protocol oriented. You can get the app by visiting weminder.app and I recommend it highly and it’s very reasonably priced.
When we engage in what we call “High Protocol” days, my submissive prepares for use the way she normally does, she is a three hole slut and she is fully prepared for a prolonged scene. When she kneels for me, which is how she presents herself to be used, she offers up a cane for marking. Normally she offers me her leash to attach to her collar, but in high protocol days, she gets chained with a heavy chain before she is used and marked. During high protocol days, she is limited to being on all fours during play and she is required to ask for cane strokes after her initial marking.
Her tasks and chores are both designed to fulfill on her role as a service slut on one hand and on her sexual submission inside of a sex forward, kink forward dynamic. Our daily maintenance spanking scene is a protocol. When I get into bed in the evening, she puts her head on my chest and cups my balls while we talk about our day and the final act of our dynamic that lives in the world of protocol is that when it’s time, she rolls over and we spoon and I take hold her breast, holding her close as we fall asleep. My point is that start to finish, our days are filled with protocols. We divide the protocols into two broad categories: Tasks and Chores. Tasks are things I might randomly task her with doing and that might be as different as having her masturbate with the Hitachi every 30 minutes, or to do certain routine things for me such as sending me a picture of her marks. Chores related to her duties around the house.
Protocols live in the world of agreements. On one hand they are designed to give structure to the dynamic and on the other, they are a natural evolution of a power exchange. My preference is to have the protocols occur because they fulfill her desires, so to implement a new protocol, we talk about it first, and I enroll her in the possibility that the protocol creates and then she does what I have requested but she does so because it is what she wants to do.
There is a very wide range of protocol implementation strategies in kink. It can be a very minor part of your dynamic if that is what you prefer, or it can be the entirety of your dynamic if that is what you prefer. I am going to make the observation that even in vanilla relationships there are protocols. For instance when I was married, my ex-wife used to bring me coffee on a Sunday morning while I watched soccer in bed. I came to expect this and it occurred routinely for years. I never asked her to do this, she just started doing this small thing for me that made our lives more manageable. The way that that small act occurred was that it was a loving action that made me feel appreciated even for just that moment. It was indeed a protocol that existed during my vanilla marriage. My point is that spoken or unspoken we operate with protocols all around us, the difference is that in a kink context, communication is the key difference. A protocol is an agreement to do x or y, which requires that the Dom and sub are in communication.
Being in a dynamic is a power exchange. The sub surrenders his or her power to their Dom and then it is up to the Dom to exercise that power appropriately. The sub wants to please. It is through protocols that the Dom communicates to the sub what is expected and required for that behavior to land as “pleasing” to the Dom. The sub knows where they stand. They know what is needed and expected. If they are committed to the dynamic, then they will fulfill the protocols. If there is space or distance and the protocols start to break down, then it gives the Dom something to address to get at the root of the upset.
I keep making this point: our kink is really communication. We talk about our dynamic almost every day. We plan, revisit, debrief, dream, vision share, and so on. The reason our protocols are in place is because we have made a series of agreements around our dynamic.
A good place to start is to sit down facing each other and do this drill. One partner asks the other partner what they want done to them and then asks what they want to do to you, and then switch roles. Take notes and then use those notes to talk about each of those ideas and make agreements about those that make sense to you to implement into your dynamic.
A D/s power exchange works best for all concerned when the communication is clean. We have a commitment to each other to allow no space between us. We are each responsible for keeping that structure in our dynamic and we have found, as will you, that the use of protocols keeps the dynamic humming along.
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