bdsm

The touch that triggers panic

July 12, 2020 By Christmas Bunny 2 Comments

choke neck squeeze of submissive woman by dom — via stock.adobe.com

I have a trigger. I hate using that word, since it brings to mind the watered-down version of today’s culture, which seems to mean I got uncomfortable or had my feelings hurt.

No.

I mean the word as it meant to be used. A series of specific physical stimuli can create a panic response in me, to the point of a legitimate panic attack. We discovered it by accident, as one often does with this sort of thing.

I’ve had an issue with having my neck touched for a very long time. In fact, it is solidly on my hard limit list. It was from a bad experience 10+ years ago. Not long after that, I had a partner come up behind me and loop an arm around my neck and he found himself dangling across my back, the only thing keeping him from a judo throw and a potential back injury was that my blind response no longer had hold of me once the pressure on my neck was gone. Not so when combined with other sensations. Better to just not provoke my body’s fight response.

Early on with my current partner, I informed him of my issue. We made the decision together to attempt to soften the aversion I held for that touch.

I want to be really clear for a moment. None of what we attempted or accomplished was with the assistance of a counselor or therapist, and other than a basic idea of the concept of immersion therapy, and have little to no actual educational basis for our actions. We were lucky to find some modicum of success. Not everyone who attempts to overcome their own stuff will have the same result. Hell, perhaps no one else will. I cannot speak for anyone else.

We began slowly. Over an extended period of time – days, not hours, he touched my collarbone non-threateningly for just a moment. The next time it was a moment longer. Once I gained some comfort with that action, we moved his hand slightly and repeated the process. After concerted effort, we succeeded in him being able to rest his hand upon my neck fully. After additional time had passed we were able to explore some mild breath play.

The trouble came when it combined with other sensations which could potentially be interpreted as negative. The first time it happened I was not in a position to communicate effectively regarding my distress. Having no idea I had a hidden landmine, we tripped it and I discovered what a panic attack was.

Well. After a little distance and some self-analysis, I decided it was a combination of sensations which pushed me over the edge. Having newly recognized and super fun trauma to overcome in the context of our D/s dynamic meant there were times we were going to work on it when it killed any sexual enjoyment I had been experiencing. It was like a light switch, and where once the light shone warmly, the moment effectively flipped the switch to anxiety and a desire to flee.

But we continued. We set up an emergency signal to indicate emotional anxiety during times when I couldn’t speak the words. We added those individual elements back into our sexual repertoire, albeit individually and in small increments. As we worked on those things separately, over time, we we able to get to the point of recombining them. It took possibly a year or so by my estimation, clearly not a quick process or one without risk of explosion.

I celebrated mightily the day we were able to do those things again. I don’t remember how – perhaps I sang some Queen and took a lap. It wasn’t so much that I enjoyed the experience as it was the triumph of regaining the ability to do them without falling apart. Most of my enjoyment came from that victory rather than from the ability to take pleasure in the act itself. I hoped in time that would change and I would have my freedom from those chains.

Of course it did, just not as I hoped. It was one thing to say the words that this would always be with me, a completely different thing to actually understand the magnitude of them. We went through a period of time when the things which had comprised that emotional land mine were less present for us. We avoided touching my throat because I got sick and it was swollen. It just fell away a bit. Somewhere along the way I backslid. I lost some of the progress I’d made, and things we’d been able to do six months ago bring anxiety and the first rushes of panic again. It was a hard realization that this really will be with me forever, in some sense.

I celebrate that I made progress in this battle, and I will overcome again. I don’t have to think about it the way it stole my thoughts before, since it only rears up on occasion anymore. I hope some day it will lie dormant, an emotional cancer finally eliminated by radiation.

Whether I get there or not, I will continue to fight for myself and my mental well-being, and I will continue to encourage others to find the paths they need in order to face their own landmines with courage. In solidarity, we can all become better versions of ourselves, one day at a time, whatever the method of achievement may be.

About the Author

Christmas bunny has been exploring kink since she was legal to do so. Her serious writing started in college, where she accidently got some of her papers published in educational journals. She has recently expanded her writing to include her kink journey. She began writing in the physical realm, but shed some of her inhibitions and began sharing those entries with others. She now keeps an active blog of her personal growth and her relationship with her Master / Daddy Dominant and writes helpful educational posts on a variety of subjects.

No play parties in our quarantine

July 12, 2020 By PirateStan 3 Comments

So, life has been interesting since we entered the world of quarantine in late March 2020. From a broader perspective, we have indeed “flattened the curve” and life is beginning to open up again. But even as we prepare to move forward into a confusing future, observations on what we went through continue to fill my brain.

Because it’s been even more interesting for us kinksters.

For my own part, my girl and I have been “trapped” at home together, both of us telecommuting for our jobs. So it’s been a win-win for us; lots of time together with the person we love to spend time with as we save money not driving to the office and buying lunch, etc. even as we continue to receive our full paychecks.

But it’s also been sad, as we haven’t seen any of our kinky friends literally for months. We’d inevitably hit at least one event a month, either a munch of party, often both, but all of those have been suspended. Sure there’ve been some virtual events, but they lack the je ne sais quoi of a real, in person meetup.

We’ve “quaranteamed” with some few very, very close friends, and that’s certainly kept us from going entirely crazy. But we also very much enjoy and appreciate the energy one gets from meeting and interacting with people in a public space. Meeting new, like-minded people can be fun. And we first met our very, very close friends in just such an environment; it’s not as if they can be dismissed entirely.

Meanwhile, I know plenty of people who aren’t in long-term, monogamous relationships, who didn’t even have regular play partners, who “played the field” as it were. And that’s totally cool. Except that, under the “shutdown” reality, life seriously sucked.

The places and events where they used to hook up were suddenly gone. And the people they might regularly casually play with were suddenly, understandably, unavailable. Responsible adults who might otherwise be engaging in mutually enjoyable intimate activities found themselves out in the cold, at home and alone.

Certainly, I have several single friends who’ve managed to successfully “quaranteam” with a very select household. And I’ve been pleased to see that their irregular get-togethers have been both safe and satisfying. One friend in particular has purchased a rather elaborate motorcycle, and her household engages in regular rides in local, isolated environs (I’m actually rather jealous… she seems to be having a great deal of fun).

But then there are the friends (extremely peripherial ones) who’re engaging in out-and-out inappropriate activity.

They’re had play parties, open to what they consider a “select” group, but which are essentially open (we were invited and chose not to attend). Others have announced, through less-than-public channels, out-and-out orgies.

None of these activities seem anywhere near responsible given the current pandemic crisis. Indeed, they would appear to be quite the opposite.

A great many of these individuals are young, under 35, so they’re part of a typically low risk community. Hell, unless you’re immunocompromised for some reason, or over 70, you’re probably low risk regardless. By some estimates, 95% of people who catch COVID 19 will get a mild form of the illness.

But if you’re in that 5%, well, best have your advanced directive in order. This is a lottery you don’t want to play.

As things are opening back up, none of the groups I’m familiar with locally have any events planned. Of course, the underground groups are rejoicing, feeling vindicated. Not that I’ve heard of anyone in particular getting sick. Not that I necessarily would have.

Meanwhile, my girl and I are electing to continue to stay home. We’re happy together and don’t see any reason to take unnecessary risks.

What has your experience been during the recent pandemic crisis?

About the Author

PirateStan has been involved in his local BDSM community since 2007, after having had a lifelong inclination towards it. He currently lives a contented life in Southeastern Virginia with his girl, zeirah, while working by day for a Major Metropolitan Publication.

Sexual protection & latex allergies

July 12, 2020 By Baadmaster 2 Comments

submissive holding condom in leather and collar — via stock.adobe.com

Since I have been pretty much bottled up during the COVID19 pandemic, I have not gone to my usual haunts to discuss questions. So I have been going through my email bag to find oddball questions to hold our interest until the dungeons go back in real time. So here goes:

Reader: My purring kitty is sore and swollen after sex. How can I have protected sex without letting my latex allergy interfere with my play time? Help!

The first question I would ask is why, specifically, you are using condoms? Are you in a monogamous (or polyamorous kept within the partners) relationship and are using it solely for birth control? Or are you using them to protect yourself from STD’s? Or is it some combination of both?

If you are using it exclusively for birth control, then there are many other condom materials available other than latex. Lambskin or any of the natural “skin” condoms, although ineffective against many virus-based STD’s, are a very effective barrier against sperm. Polyurethane is also another non-latex condom material — but if you are using it for birth control you must be aware that they break rather easily. K eep in mind,, if you are using condoms primarily for birth control, there are many other ways to go besides condoms. The birth control pill, the Depo Provera shot, female condoms, sponges, the birth control patch are all ways to prevent pregnancy that will avoid any latex allergy. Furthermore, many who use condoms for birth control employ condoms with spermicidal lubricant pre-applied to them. This might be the source of your allergy, not the latex. More about finding out exactly what your allergy is later on.

If you are using condoms for protection against STD’s, then your options are narrower. Polyurethane condoms work but break rather easily. Latex condoms not only protects against STD’s, but also are quite tear resistant. Even the most “sensitive” latex condoms break less often than polyurethane. Thus, latex is the condom of choice when worn for disease prevention.

The symptom you report, “My purring kitty is sore and swollen after sex,” could be caused by many other things besides the latex condoms you use. When one has an allergy, a doctor generally runs tests to determine exactly what the allergy is. One can never assume what the cause is. In your case, the problem can be anything sexual. Big Bruno for one. Or having rough sex with Big Bruno. Or having sex without proper lubrication. Or overly long sex sessions. Any typical rapper could be the culprit. (“I’ll sex you all night long ‘til you can’t walk no more!”) Taking all these possibilities into account, and factoring in the fact that latex allergies are rare except in diabetics, I think that you should test to see if, in fact, you are allergic to latex.

Now this is going to sound more like an answer for a Sex Advisor column than a Ask Baadmaster reply, but what I would do (sly grin), is take a dildo that you know you are not allergic to and put different condoms on it. Use ones with lubrication and those without. Use different brands. Try those with ribs, which can irritate you. Maybe have your partner involved in in your search and call this “research.” Be semi-scientific and take notes of your reaction to each type of condom. (Can you get college credit for this? Maybe not, but a government grant is definitely possible.) Try every combination and you just might find that you are not, in fact, allergic to latex – that there is some other factor involved. Or you might find a condom that causes a small amount of irritation that you can deal with.

There are literally hundreds of types of condoms currently being manufactured. Colored ones, flavored ones, ribbed ones, lubricated ones, large ones and super-large ones. (Condoms come in large, extra large and magnum sizes so that no one ever has to ask for a “small” condom!) Odds are, after you try out a significant number of them, you will find ones that produce either no reaction or a relatively insignificant one.

Disclaimer: this article should not be considered as medical advice. The author is not a medical professional, and any decisions regarding allergies, or the use of sexual protection should be based on the advice of a physician.

About the Author

After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.

This week in kink: July 12, 2020

July 12, 2020 By Dexx 2 Comments

What exactly is a Femdom? This article on Daily Dot dives deep into the what & why of it all:

What’s a femdom? Inside the world of female domination

What happens when a woman breaks up with her boyfriend, and finally decides to explore the world of being dominated that she has always fantasized about? Check out this article on Mama Mia, where the author tells us all about her experience with the five dominant men she met through FetLife:

Just when you though Animal Crossing was annoyingly vanilla and devoid of kinky fun… A dominatrix is offering virtual humiliation, and accepting bells as payment. What will Tom Nook think about that? Read more at Pink News:

The Netflix movie “365 days” has generated some serious backlash. It features kidnapping and sexual abuse in a light that seems to in some way condone it. And people are not happy. Its not really about BDSM as such (because its non-consensual abuse, which is very difference), but some people are bound to get the two mixed up and drag BDSM into the conversation. Check out the article on Stardust:

Have some kinky news to share? Tell us about any upcoming BDSM events, new products, dungeon openings / closings, collarings, kink in mainstream media, and anything else you think kinky folks might be interested to hear about. Send your tips through to kinkweekly@gmail.com, and it might just end up on next week’s “This Week in Kink.”

Feelings in Poly & BDSM

July 5, 2020 By Christmas Bunny 2 Comments

submissive poly woman is looks sad while experiencing some feelings — via stock.adobe.com

Feelings are a funny thing.

Sometimes we have them and aren’t really sure why, or can’t put it into words. It can take some introspection to thoughtfully realize a root cause and then some work to find the right words to express those feels in a way that doesn’t assign blame to another.

Let’s all say it together: “Feelings aren’t right or wrong, good or bad. Feelings just are. The part that really matters is how we each choose to respond to those feelings, since that’s the only part we can truly control.”

It’s true, though, as much as it may sound like a platitude. I think of it more like my mantra. When I have unexpected or confusing feelings, I remind myself that they are an automatic response to a set of stimuli rather than something I can control. In my case, often the response is initially rooted in my abandonment issues. Any time they have an opportunity to rear their heads, they generally take it, and quite gleefully, I’d suspect, if they could.

*You aren’t good enough,* they whisper. *You’ll never be good enough.* *He’s going to leave you, the only question is when, not if.*

They have a litany of my flaws, which they collect on a scroll and delight in reading to me at random moments. They try to push me to run as a first response to any sign that someone is displeased with me, or that conflict is imminent. They will take hiding as a second choice when I push back against running, which has meant Santa has once or twice found me curled up in a corner or tucked in a nook in the closet.

But how do I handle unknown things? Particularly when I’ve spent a day and a half both actively trying to ascertain the root of said feelings and also quietly avoiding thinking by loudly singing along with the Dave Matthews Band station on iHeartRadio while cutting deliciously supple bullhide at my work station.

I find emotion a hindrance when attempting to find the root of feelings. Being emotional has never given me a boost when it comes to attempting rational thought. The first thing I have to do is set them aside, as clinically as possible. Yes, I can still feel them if I allow myself to dwell, but that isn’t a helpful exercise. Rather, I need to be able to form them into a lump and examine them from the outside in order to work my way to their core.

Let’s take a simple but real scenario and break it down. It’s one that happened recently and required a lot of dissection for me to understand it. My partner was unable to make plans with his other partner because of a statewide shutdown, so she made arrangements to spend time with him at our shared residence. I was happy to see her when she arrived, lingered downstairs for a popsicle, then wandered to my workroom to avoid intruding on their time together. Except I realized I had left my phone charging in the room they were in, and me barging in to get it might very well ruin an intimate moment at that point. So I dug out my laptop, messaged my partner there (since he’d be unlikely to be looking at his phone during any fun stuff), and asked that when he had a moment, could he toss my phone out.

Whew! Awkwardness averted. About half an hour later, he popped out with my phone, gave me a kiss, and returned to the room. I had been totally fine the entire time.

Then he shut the door behind him. My stomach twisted into a knot and I felt sick. Why on earth was I upset? It wasn’t at all rational. I wasn’t jealous of their time together. I knew I needed to poke at it, but in the moment was exactly the worst time to attempt to do so. Knowing I was emotional, but unsure why, I held my tongue. I continued to work and listen to music, deciding there would be time.

After a time, the door opened and I was invited to come hang with them for a while, so I gave them space on the couch and pulled up a spot on the bed that wasn’t between them. We had a lovely rest of the afternoon, just chatting and enjoying one another’s company. I waited to share my feelings with my partner until after the visit, not wanting to create a dark cloud over their limited time together.

I explained that I’d had some feelings. I also stated that the feeling didn’t seem, on the surface, to be jealousy, but that I’d need some time to poke at it before I was really sure what the root was. I planned to reach out to her once I had worked through it, so I wasn’t coming at her from a place of emotion, but just keeping lines of communication open so there would be no falsehood between us, either as friends or as metamours.

Over the next two days I poked at that strange emotion I’d experienced. Was I wrong? Could it be jealousy? I examined it carefully before again discarding that conclusion. Jealous is a fear of loss, and that wasn’t an accurate assessment of my feeling in that moment. I spent some time journaling for myself in an attempt to understand. It was something about that door. That was the moment.

I explored that some more. Why would a door closing bother me so? Well, past experience has taught me about slamming doors. I thought back upon my relationship with my partner. Had there been a door slammed between us before? I couldn’t recall even one. In fact, pursing that thought process, I couldn’t recall any door other than one for a bathroom which had been closed between us for anything other than work or necessity. Even when we’ve had other partners, often the relationships intertwined in ways that would mean even when a door was closed, it could still be opened at any time. This was the first moment I could recall when I was not welcomed into a room with him, and in fact, actively shut out.

New things can be difficult. However, understanding myself and my response was important, rather than becoming emotional and creating pain for him or his other partner. I took the time to explore my feelings without needing to resolve them immediately. For this particular example, the only real resolution was for me to understand myself. I wasn’t seeking a change in his behavior, I just needed him to be aware that I had discovered something about myself. Once I’d figured it out, we discussed it again, and I told him how I felt. He gave me some affection, and the incident was over.

I addressed it with her afterwards, explaining that I’d had the feeling, and wanted her to know, but that it didn’t require any action on her part. Submissives can sometimes be fixers, though, and she offered some compromise solutions that I knew would actually make her uncomfortable. It was sweet, but I declined and reiterated that no action was necessary, but that I believe hiding things like these moments from partners, and even peripheral partners, such as my meta, is practicing dishonesty. Those things can eat away at us, and become larger and more out of control the more we push them aside.

Feelings aren’t good or bad. They just are. Spend some time with yourself when you’ve experienced a strong emotion and do the work to understand why you respond the way you do. It is important we have healthy responses to the way we handle possible conflict in our kink relationships.

About the Author

The Inking

July 5, 2020 By Christmas Bunny 3 Comments

submissive woman gets tattoo on ribs — via stock.adobe.com

She could feel the nerves set in the moment her eyes opened.

Yes, He owns me, she told herself. Yes, He has married me as part of His claiming. Yes, He has had this body pierced because it pleases Him.

But she had always felt that ink was different. Legal contracts can be dissolved, albeit with some difficulty. Piercings can grow in. Tattoo removal is a lot more challenging.

So as permanent as those things are, she had both longed for and dreaded ink since He claimed her.

Yes, there was a sense of dread. Will this ink be bad luck? Am I etching what could become a painful daily reminder of loss onto my skin? What if He changes His mind? She questioned herself unmercifully.

People do that, after all. Leave.

So up until the moment the ink touched her skin, there was a sense that there was time to turn back. There was time to ask Him four more times if He is sure He wants her forever before we arrived at the deserted shop for the appointment.

He didn’t disappoint her, though. He reassured her like it was His profession. In a way, perhaps it is.

Warm thumb brushing across her knuckles, He drew her hand to His lips. The exhale of breath contained the quietest words, the weight of Atlas in their echo.

Mine. Forever.

All that in a breath.

Inside, she had to pee four times while He and the artist finalized the design and put the stencil on twice. She knew it was just nerves and wished she’d had something to calm them, but nothing that would have helped would have been good for the process of inking.

Because of health issues, the ink was just for her. I carry this art for both of us, he had said. It is a weighty thought.

She tucked one hand into the small of her back, feeling the texture beneath her fingers as thoughts raced. There is still plenty of time to change my mind. The thought comforted her.

Suddenly, breasts bared to the empty room, the needle was on her skin. Her exhale was shaky as she groped for purchase with her free hand, finding Him beneath her palm. He lovingly lifted the hand and entwined her fingers with His own.

For the next hour, her eyes seldom left His face. There were moments of conversation she tried to focus on, but she was mostly far away. She found her happy place until the artist reached her floating ribs, and her vision swam a little as the pain that had been humming along at endorphin-triggering levels suddenly spiked.

“Just breathe normally,” she heard in her ear. Then a few minutes later, “Are you going pass out?”

He laughed. He knew her pain face well. “She’s fine,” He responded, her glazed eyes meeting His. The artist, understanding the collar, smiled and continued.

Her eyes roamed His face. His lips whispered for her, but she struggled to make sense of them.

Good girl and then Mine a few minutes later. Something in His proprietous gaze made her suspect the next sex they had would be full of rough hair pulling and urgent biting, ankles held captive so He could see His new mark.

A pause came in the buzzing, and something cold touching her skin. She mositened her lips. “Are you done?” she asked.

The artist laughed. “Men don’t generally like it when you ask that,” he responded.

The buzzing began again, catching the tender spots he wasn’t pleased with. After cleaning, he gently pressed a bandage to her skin and she absently slid her soft shirt over her head, piercings obvious in its thin, draped fabric.

He took care of the details as she floated along, awash in the endorphins that made the hour bearable.

They got in the car. “Show me,” He commanded.

She lifted her shirt obediently.

He made a sound close to growling. He crushed her mouth to His, rough in His passion. Mine, she heard again, only this time she felt it between her breasts and tasted it on His lips.

How To Grow A Bonsai Human

July 5, 2020 By Will Hunt 2 Comments

bonsai woman submissive in glass cage — via stock.adobe.com

One of the hottest things about being a top in a D/s dynamic is the moulding, shaping and training of another person in line with your will. Some young tops might come to a D/s relationship with an idea already in place of a perfect sub, a delicate pet who will never answer back, a slut who shall live to satisfy, or perhaps a submissive maid to follow all orders without hesitation. The young top has created an idea of what they think they want. This idea is more often informed by a diet of fantasy than the reality of each person being a fully formed individual with needs and wants of their own.

We need to approach prospective partners with an open mind. We need to see them for who they are as well as who they could be, not what we want to pretend they are or could be.

You have to be honest with yourself about what you need in a submissive partner. That self exploration of need has to take place before you start expecting anyone to live up to what you have imagined. We must know the difference between what we need from a partner, what we want in a relationship and what is pure fantasy. Need is that which we must have to be satisfied in a relationship, want is that which makes a relationship fun and fantasy are those things that we can indulge in at times.

The art and philosophy of Bonsai

In a D/s relationship we don’t have to find a 100% perfect fit (in fact I don’t think you could find that in any relationship), because we have the option of training a person. However, there is only so far out of someone’s normal course that you can take a person without risking breaking them. Think of it like shaping a branch on a bonsai tree, the bend must happen slowly along its length, wired into place and then allowed to grow into the shape. Trying to twist a branch 120 degrees at the trunk will only damage the branch, and maybe even cause it to snap. Patience is a must! Find a person who is at least parallel enough to your desires that you can tend them, grow them into your shape and know that it is a shape they will enjoy. If someone’s desire is to be in a DLG relationship, but you want someone who will be kept like a pet then you have a sharp divergence at the very beginning of the relationship. Perhaps over time the two of you will be able to grow together, but it is going to take a lot of time, communication and trust.

Once a D/s relationship has begun to grow we have to tend it, to help it take the shape we have planned for it. The thing to always remember is that the two of you are on the same team. The top might be setting the destination and driving the car, but you are both on the journey and want to get to the destination together.

Trust is about more than just your submissive partner trusting you to have their best interests at heart. It is the trust that you will keep your word, that they will receive the reward or punishment you say. That you won’t forget their limit, or fantasy. Sometimes it is the trust that the top is doing something because they genuinely enjoy it. There is no need to ask me if it was good for me, I wouldn’t be doing it if it wasn’t.

Pen to paper

There is a great deal of information to remember, and a great deal of value in the small things, especially at the beginning of a relationship. One of my top tips is to keep notes. I still do to this day, I call it my dossier. Often it will start with a yes/no/maybe list, followed by a record of any comments or experiences I believe might be of value. No one has a perfect memory so write things down, review them later. Do not be afraid of asking direct questions, ask them about their fantasies. Things they have always wanted to do but have never done. What you are looking for here is commonality of interest. Do they look for the release of not being responsible, do they have guilt over their desires and want to be forced to do something they will enjoy? All of this information will build up into an invaluable record for you.

My partner knows that I keep a written record, she finds it both comforting and concerning. Comforting because it is such a clear indication of the care I take and the seriousness with which I treat the growth of our relationship. Concerning because she knows I won’t ever forget anything, good or bad.

Don’t say it, do it!

If you say you will do something, as a reward, or consequence, they must believe it and you must mean it. If you fail to follow through then you are simply proving that you are a fantasist. Your threats cannot be believed, your promises are undelivered, everything you say is called into doubt.

In the early stages it is extremely important that you prove that you mean what you say. Make sure to carry through on threats as much as you will fulfil fantasies that they never thought they would have fulfilled. If you threaten to pull over and make them walk home then be prepared to do it.

The difference between punishment and play must be clear at all times. Punishments are very straight forward 100 blows for any infraction that I judge worthy of a punishment. She must also recognise and accept the punishment and the reason for it.

If you are playing then make sure they know it is because you are enjoying it. I will often remind my partner that I am hitting her because I enjoy it, she isn’t bad and she doesn’t deserve it. I can own my sadism, I don’t need to pretend it is my partner’s responsibility.

If you are declaring that you can provide the solid foundation for someone else to build upon then you must be that solid foundation, in all ways. We must know ourselves and be entirely true in our will. Any doubts in our mind, or theirs, will echo over and over.

We have ways of making you talk

Communication, communication and more communication. The Top must create the safe space for communication, but in return the bottom must be communicative. We are willing to take on all the responsibility for their care and development but we need as accurate information as possible from them in return. In a D/s dynamic we are both vulnerable in deeply personal ways. We ask our partners to trust us, and we must trust them in return.

We need them to tell us they like something, to be brave enough to admit a desire or dislike. All we need is that pure data once, and after that we can be the brute who forces them, the pervert who makes them bow to our desires. That is why we must trust them, to tell us the truth so we can take the power from them safely.

Her obligation is to me, and only in exceptional circumstances to others. I do not wish to degrade that which attracted me to her in the first place. I would never want to break someone. Build them, grow them, shape them, yes, but break them, degrade them, hurt them, no.

I find it deeply erotic to have control over another person but that means I want someone who gives up that control to me, reveals their darkest fantasies, shares their vulnerabilities. I want her wild and full of confidence, but with the click of my fingers I want her to obey. I want an obedient pet, not a broken victim.

Dealing with health issues during the Plague

July 5, 2020 By Dame TylerRose. 2 Comments

submissive woman getting medical treatment.jpeg — via stock.adobe.com

I received an email today, from someone I’m friendly with in my local scene. It touched me in an unexpected way, and has compelled me to share some very intimate details of my current life.

Right when the plague was starting, I embarked on something of a medical odyssey.

I’d been bleeding vaginally for several months. Basically a period that wouldn’t end. I decided it was time to do something about it. (If this happens to you, don’t wait more than three weeks. Seriously.)

I endured a uterine biopsy that was inconclusive, because reasons I won’t bore or gross you out with. It has been continuing for three months with the taking of a daily megestrol tablet, and waiting. June 1st, tomorrow as I type this, I will endure a second uterine biopsy. It required a sonogram the Friday before.

I’m not really keen on doctors. In fact, I despise the entire medical establishment. I’m pushing through the best I can, knowing my rights as a patient and advocating for myself. I’m not the typical “submissive, do what I’m told” patient. I study things. I research things. I question things. I know things. It surprises them when I use medical terminology as easily as they do. They don’t know what to say when I tell them they’re bullshitting me. (a couple ibuprofen “significantly” reduces the discomfort of the biopsy…mhhm who the fuck you think you’re lying to?)

While the gynecologist isn’t usually a place for sick people, I’m not keen to sit in a waiting room time after time, for an hour or more. But I’m doing it. I have to if I’m going to have the procedure. I want to know if I have cancer.

If I have cancer of the uterus, I will have to have a hysterectomy. Possibly while the plague is still raging. I’m not very keen on that either; but I’m willing to face it. I’ve wanted a hysterectomy since I was 13 years old, my periods are so excruciatingly painful.

Why am I telling you this?

Because there’s someone out there who desperately needs to go to the dentist but is afraid they’ll catch the plague. Please. If you’re in pain, make that appointment for diagnosis. Make and keep the appointments to fix the issue.

If you’ve been putting off your yearly gyno exam, please make an appointment and go. Better to go and get a negative or an early indicator than not go and next year find out you have cancer.

If you’re putting off your yearly mammo, make the appointment and go.

Don’t let the plague stop you from maintaining your health.

This will end, and there are people out there who want to see you when it does.

DTR.

This week in kink: July 5, 2020

July 5, 2020 By Dexx 2 Comments

Interested in cock and ball torture? This article on Vice goes deep into the people who are into it, and why they love it.

Think phone sex is a relic of a bygone era from before sexting, video chat and Covid? Think again, and brush up on the ins and outs with this article on The Cut.

Ever wonder what the difference is between kink and fetish? Check out one writer’s take on it, on LatestLY.

Video: 50 Shades of Grey vs. Real BDSM

July 5, 2020 By SupDaily06 2 Comments

In this week’s featured video, SupDaily06 talks about the difference between “50 Shades of Grey BDSM” and real BDSM.

Mistress Kit on The impact of COVID on Pro DommesI've written a piece on Medium concerning just this topic Check it out for a giggle Mistress Kit On Medium...
eve minax on The impact of COVID on Pro DommesDamn, rewriting a long comment that posted than disappeared wherein I basically said that although it is a good article,...
Eve Minax on The impact of COVID on Pro DommesGreat article, and I would've also appreciated a bit more analysis around the different types of Domme business models and...

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