My partner can be a bit of a brat. She talks back, gives grief, teases, pokes, but only to her friends, and certainly not with me. Oh no! She certainly isn’t a brat with me. She has learnt not to do that.
Some of our kinky friends will look plaintively at me when she is ripping them a new one, seeking some sort of dominant solidarity, imploring me to make her stop, others will even give me the open mouthed gasp of indignation and shock that I would let my girl treat them so rudely. Unfortunately they almost inevitably get the same response, her submission to me does not make her a doormat for every top. Especially as I know that with a single word, a look, or a click of my fingers, she will rush over, eyes down and do whatever she is told.
While at a casual social event with friends she might be laughing and teasing, the opposite is quite the case at an event with standing protocols. She will be polite, obedient and desperate to please. It is because I know this, and I know the power of our dynamic that I don’t need to prove it to everyone around us by stopping her from having fun in every situation to make a point.
D/s dynamics have an inherent power imbalance. This intentional mismatch of control can vary wildly dependent on the individuals involved. For some the relationship exists within a very confined space or time. Perhaps you only call her Mistress in the bedroom, or maybe only when you have put aside some special time for the two (or more) of you. For some this power imbalance goes on to underpin their relationship where they may find it helps them find a depth of trust and care they would otherwise not have.
Obligations of ownership
I have a guiding principle when it comes to my thoughts on intense D/s and that is simply that I take very good care of my property. If I like something enough to want to own it, to put it on display, to keep it in my house, then I shall certainly take care of it. I also expect other people to respect my property.
My partner and I find our relationship has deepened as our dynamic has deepened. Within the extremes of our consensual inequality we have reached a point of ownership. This level of control also carries with it the obligations of ownership. As her power has reduced in our relationship so has my responsibility grown.
We both derive a great deal of satisfaction from this state of affairs. I enjoy, and even derive comfort from, being able to control my environment in a range of ways. My partner finds being able to just focus on following instructions and obeying helps her to relax and feel safe. These are just a few of the reasons that we find the owner and property dynamic works well for us.
There is also a very physical side to this concept of ownership. My partner is not allowed to make any long lasting change to her body or appearance without my permission, from tattoos to hair dye. Part of the imbalance of the relationship is that the opposite is not even considered, I don’t think it would ever occur to her to even suggest it. This physical ownership extends beyond just this restriction of her autonomy and into the realms of my practical dominion over her appearance. I may change her appearance, restrict her clothing choices, tattoo her, pierce her, etc…
The most extreme of these touched upon are probably tattoos or piercings. She already bares what she loving refers to as my mark, or brand, upon her thigh. In a few weeks time as a birthday present to myself, I am getting her (or should I say me) a vertical clitoral hood (VCH) piercing.
Starting to look serious
Does this sound extreme? Perhaps that is because it is and as such we take things seriously. My partner and I have discussed each of these evolving aspects of our relationship before taking things further. We have very active lines of communication with regular opportunities to raise any concerns either of us might have.
This has not come out of the blue either. It is a piercing she has been interested in for a while, but has never had the drive to actually make happen. I decided to take the control away from her and tell her I was going to get it done because I wanted to decorate her body. It was no longer her choice, or responsibility. This could only happen because over time she has learnt that she can trust me to take on that responsibility and give all factors due consideration.
Private lives in public
This is part of our relationship that we do not share with others. While we might play, perform or tie with others, the dynamic D/s ownership that underpins our relationship is just for us. Her submission to me in the form of such extreme ownership is very special to me, as such I would have very strong issues with anyone who would presume to engage her in this manner without my explicit consent.
Consider for a moment how it would feel if some stranger decided to impose their authority into your dynamic. Let us imagine for a moment that you have a set number of rules for your partner, things they are allowed and not allowed to do. The two of you have discussed each of the rules in advance of implementing them. You have agreed what is reasonable, what makes you both happy and how it will affect your relationship.
Now imagine you and your partner are at a play event. You are happily enjoying your dynamic and they are following all your rules, but then a stranger walks into the middle of your dynamic and declares there are a set of rules your bottom should also be following. These rules have not been discussed with your bottom, or with you. Do you try to ignore them, while they continue to shout at you about what your partner should and shouldn’t be doing? How long would you tolerate this behavior before looking for a dungeon monitor and having this blowhard thrown out?
Don’t touch my stuff
My feelings of ownership are simple, my girl belongs to me, no one else gets to tell her how to live, what to wear, or how to look. This is something we both refer to in a lighthearted manner as consensual chauvinism. No one else should be able to insert themselves into this dynamic without being actively invited into it.
In the same way that I would be enraged if a stranger interrupted a scene to give their opinion on how my partner should be behaving, I am genuinely angered by anything that restricts her freedoms without my permission. If she doesn’t even have the freedom to start with then she has less to sacrifice to me. How could I be happy with her non-consensual sacrifice of a freedom to a stranger?
When my partners rights, freedoms and opportunities are restricted by laws set by strangers our dynamic is violated. If my partner does not have full reproductive rights then my control over her has been limited, if my partner cannot earn as much as a male colleague then my financial dominance over her is damaged. If anyone, in any situation, exercises control over my property without my consent then it should not be surprising when I ask them to leave.
It is the freedoms she sacrifices to me that I value so greatly. I can enjoy exercising control over her, objectifying her, shaping her, and she can enjoy having that done to her, but only because we have both actively consented to this. Neither of us can enjoy the faceless repression of her rights, nor should we have to. My love for my partner, my property, does not have space in it for the uninvited inclusion of someone else’s rules.
I support my partner and her ongoing battle against institutional and societal repression. Only when she is truly free, equal and liberated can I full exercise my control in our consensual relationship to take those things away from her. After all, she is my property.
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