I knelt by the fireplace. My knees burn with the effort. My legs have long since gone numb. I am waiting for Master. He said He would be but a few minutes, and yet the chime of the clock mocks the hour mark.
I am worried about him. I cannot help it. Master is extremely capable of taking care of himself. I would not wish my worst enemy to turn his ire, but I cannot help the slight stuttering of my heart as the clock hands tick.
My body is starting to bend. My posture is failing, my back bending forward weakly. I feel tired and weak, but I refuse to disobey Master. He ordered me to wait and wait I shall.
My eyes drift close thinking about Him. He has done so much for me. He let me see the light again. He touches me with kindness. He speaks to me as though I am a person. While I know it is an illusion, it is one I cling to desperately.
Anything is better than before. I will not disappoint Him. To do so only means I will be sent away…or worse, forgotten.
He had said only a few minutes and yet the time has passed, bringing back only anxiousness in return. I am trying to remind myself that I live by His time, not mine. But still, it is unlike him to be late. I know my Master and he is punctual, easily displeased when others are not.
I want to look for him. Even numb, my knee twitches as though to lift my weight. I lean back further onto my haunches. I know better. I am to stay where I am.
The fireplace is dimming now. My body is on fire, but the chill is rapidly cooling the sweat beaded on my skin. The embers mock me as the darkness falls. I do not like the darkness. I spent far too long submerged in it to ever again be comfortable.
I close my eyes. If I pretend the darkness is simply because my eyes are closed, I may yet survive this.
My mind starts drifting back to before Master owned me. Drifting back to the lessons of a madman and his monster.
“Stupid wench. How hard is it to please my friends? Your sobs do not make for a good fuck!” He threw me to the ground. I could barely get my barrings before his hand wrapped threw my hair and he dragged me across the cold cement. My eyes watered from the pain. I tried so hard to stay quiet, to not fuel his rage, but I couldn’t help the small sob that escaped.
He flipped me over, my outer thigh scraped from the pavement and my knees bruised from the force of falling on them. He pulled me to my feet, my arms limp at my sides. I knew better than to fight him.
I am to be punished.
Without a word, he finally lets my hair loose and sets about securing my wrists in the shackles hanging from the ceiling. They are secured high enough that I have to stay on my tip toes to remain standing. My body sways in the chains. He leaves my feet free because he knows I will move. At some point, I will try to shift the weight from my wrists. I know, as does He, that all that does is knock my center of balance and ends up wounding me more.
I close my eyes. This will not be pleasant. I have disgraced him, amongst his peers.
His fury has settled into silence. My skin has developed goosebumps. The hairs are standing on end. Why isn’t he doing anything?
Time passes slowly in the dark. I do not know how long I have been here. I can hear the scurrying of a mouse or two, but without light, it is hard to tell the time.
I suddenly feel the strike of a whip.
My body tenses in surprise. My eyes open but its hard to tell. The darkness is too oppressing.
The tears are falling heavy and my chest is heaving with sobs.
I am pulling at the shackles as hard as I can. I just want to run. My legs feel weak from how long I have been there.
My back is on fire. It drips with either blood or sweat. It makes the floor slick beneath me.
I’ve begged him to stop. I’ve apologized over and over again. I’ve promised to never shame him again. He stays silent.
The sobs have quieted now. I have no tears left and my voice is raw from screaming.
Three more in succession and all I can do is let out small gasps. I have no words, no tears, no fight left in me.
He unhooked me and my body dropped like lead.
His voice surrounds me when he does speak. “We will go until you can take this in silence. You will never shame me again with your incessant crying.”
I spent a week in the darkness. I earned my food and water only when I could keep from making sounds during his cruelty.
He alternated after that first session. He would strike several times and then stop. He would leave uneven lengths of space between his rounds. I was tired. I just wanted it to end.
And it did.
The moment he missed and took sight from my left eye.
The memories faded from my conscious as I came to awareness. My eyes blink rapidly, trying to push my horrific past from my mind.
I did not think I had fallen asleep, Sir. I feel a hand running through my hair and my eyes finally start to focus in on the soft glow of your bedroom. I wouldn’t have come in here without your permission Sir. I promise. That must mean you brought me in here.
Had I fallen asleep? I must have. Oh no.
I can feel my body tensing against you. Your hand stops caressing my locks.
My voice is shaking, and my words are barely above a whisper. “I’m sorry Master. I didn’t mean to, really I didn’t. I tried, I’m sorry.” My voice sticks in my throat and, for the first time since my sight was taken, I could feel the tears spill through my lashes. I couldn’t help it. I have disappointed you. “I-I…”
My head drops from your chest and I move swiftly from my position next to you, until I am kneeling on the bed in the same position I had been by the fireplace.
If I had been thinking clearly, I would recognize that I had both spoken out of turn and removed myself from your grasp. But everything is fairly fuzzy in my panic.
I see your hands reach for me, and then you are gently trying to pull me back to you. I tense. “Pet,” Your voice is firm with warning.
I have no desire to upset you further Sir. I take a deep breath and consciously relax my body, resisting minimally as you pull me into your lap. My shoulder leans against your chest and I feel the warmth of your hand as you urge my head to rest upon your shoulder.
“Why did you panic, pet? It is not like you to resist. You may speak freely.”
I take a deep breath and thank the Gods you have not made me meet your eyes. “I-I fell asleep Master. I remember waiting for you and now I am in here. You must have carried me Sir. I do not understand why you did not just leave me there. I apologize for failing you.” My voice wavers during the last sentence, but I have said what I must.
“No, pet, you did not.” My head turned up to meet your eyes. “I found you unconscious. Your body was burning with fever. It only broke a couple of hours ago. I had not expected you to wake at all tonight. Why did you not tell me?” You stare into my eyes, waiting patiently for me to gather my thoughts. I break eye contact and swallow harshly.
“I thought I would be okay Sir. You said you would be back in a few minutes, and I did not wish to worry you. My discomfort comes after You, Sir.”
“I had not expected to be gone so long. I received a call I had been waiting for.” Your fingers grip my chin and you bring my head back up to face you. “I thought we had agreed you would tell me these things?” You sound disappointed, Sir.
Now that is true pain.
“Yes, Sir. I just, I didn’t feel that bad. I was only a little sore. If I thought I was going to pass out, I would have told you.”
“We are going to have to work on your sense of worth. I want to know any discomfort you are feeling pet. For now, you will rest. Is that clear?”
“Yes Master.” You nodded that you heard me. I attempted to get up, but your hand on my chest had me stilling.
I swallowed, “Sir?”
“I said rest, pet. Tonight, you share with me.”
You stripped down and climbed in behind me. My body molded into yours.
Tomorrow, I am sure we will address the punishment for omitting too much when I told you I was fine. Just as I am sure that my scale of “fine,” may be redefined.
But, for tonight, I will curl up with you.
Maybe, now, I won’t fear the darkness.