In The Kinky Closet

Yes Mistress!

I am fortunate enough to know some truly wonderful dominatrices…AS FRIENDS!!! (Let us make that clear before you let your imagination run away with you.) I sometimes feel that these individuals represent a neglected field of outreach for our community, that of fantasy exploration. Many of us are lucky enough to be able to explore our kinks and fetishes with friends and at events. However there are many kinksters who cannot explore and express this part of their personality for a range of reasons, family, work, self-confidence, etc…

Those isolated members of the kink community still need an outlet for their sexual identity.

The dominatrix provides a safe, private haven for self exploration, for fulfilment of an emotional need in a place of acceptance. Perhaps there is something the rest of us can all do for those who are still in the fetish closet?

You can look but don’t touch.

There has been a debate recently regarding kink representation at Pride events. Does it have a place? It absolutely does, with provisos; lewd public acts, public sadism and nudity is not needed to express kink publicly, and can be genuinely inappropriate. Given that consideration Pride is still about being provocative, challenging how we define love and what role society has in an individual’s relationships. Pride does not ask what is acceptable. It shouts this is love, this is okay and it doesn’t need your approval.

There is a huge amount we can learn from the journey our friends in the LGBTQ community have been on. Very much thanks to them we now have advantages that they did not when they began their emergence into social consciousness. The groundwork for alternative art has already been laid, fashion actively searches gay and fetish styles for inspiration and the internet gives us access to a geographically unbound community.

We are extraordinarily fortunate to have a connected community. We are able to find those who share our general BDSM interests, and to even find those niches within those. Do you like D/s? Great! Do you like Puppy/trainer D/s? Great! Do you like gay leather puppy/trainer D/s? Great! You even get your own float at pride, more forums than you can handle and probably a dedicated munch!

Do you like what you see?

Kink being seen, being celebrated and becoming somewhat normalised has changed how people are able to identify their interests. Historically kink may have always been the itching in the back of your skull which you could never scratch. You may not have ever known anyone else in the whole world had the same itch, and you would have lived your entire life without ever getting to scratch it. The loneliness of being kink isolated is something we should all try to break.

Kink is not for everyone, for many people seeing something kinky will only ever inspire a type of carnival interest. However, for some people it can be the first stirrings of an answer to a question that has been with them their whole adult lives.

It is up to each of us to decide how public we can be with our kink and the type of role we want to take on in the normalization of our lifestyle.

Some of us can live our kink day to day, be public, be known, show our faces and happily present an open face to the non-kink world. Even going so far as to become an active resource for those looking to learn more.

Others might be able to be part of the community but keep it quiet, attend events but dodge the cameras.

Some of us might not be able to be active with our kink. It forms a secret part of our lives. If that is the case yet you are reading this then I am glad, and don’t forget to use incognito mode! Even if you cannot enact your kink and join us in ours we are still your community.

How about something special?

One of my favourite phrases is “Don’t kink shame me!” I have heard it used consistently in a joking way by kinksters and vanilla people alike. Some might worry that it mocks those who have kinks, but I rather take it as a positive. It begins to normalise that everyone has kinks, of varying degrees. I want people to laugh about ridiculously over the top claims of kink shaming, because at the same time it projects the idea that everyone has kinks, and that is normal.

Being publicly visible is something we do for all those people who cannot be seen. We shout so they can hear us. We don’t need them to do anything, we just want them to know they are not alone, they are loved, and they are valid.

The challenges we face today are less than we have, but there are still members of our community that are more vulnerable than others. If we can help each other we should, but if we cannot then that is okay, protect yourself, be safe, we shall always try to have a community here for you.

Supporting our kink venues, attending local munches, discussing our kinks, these are all ways that we help this community stay strong and make it easier for others to embrace it. The simple act of being demands acceptance.

About the Author

Will Hunt has been involved in the UK kink scene for the last 10 years; running clubs, teaching workshops, performing and generally encouraging naughty behavior wherever possible.
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