Creativity is one of the most important attributes I’ve seen common among sadists.
A checklist is great, but it doesn’t tell you how to actually DO things. When you’re new, the how of doing things is very important. First and foremost, the bottom and I go over my toy kit and *theirs*. We both agree on and set out items we want to use. One of the bottoms I play with sets out his items and understands that I will use what I choose to use.
What to do and how to do it:
Using the Leash for things OTHER than leading him around — The loop end of a leash can be used as very simple cock bondage, especially once he’s hard. Give it a tug whenever you want. A fabric leash can be pulled up a few inches and put into his mouth.
Tie the dick up with rope and attach a chain leash from collar to cock. Tap on the chain with a hard cane or wooden spoon. Slide a cane up and down it to send vibrations through the chain. Pull the chain up and to the side to position the cock however you want to move it out of the way when whipping the thighs with a quirt.
Wartenberg Wheels — I’ve found I’m very good with wartenberg wheels. Most people might use them for a few seconds and move on to something else. I turn them into a half hour scene in and of themselves. I run those things all over the body. Up and down the undersides of his arms (including armpits), over the shoulders, around the neck, down his sides, around his back/thighs/buttocks, and eventually over his cock and balls, down the inner thighs. Everywhere I can reach. I almost always use one in each hand, mirroring each other as they roll, and going into the more sensitive areas after he’s been warmed up for a few minutes.
If he likes clamps on the nipples, I’ll attach them after ten or fifteen minutes and run the wheels around his pectorals.
Clamps with weights — I do this very gently. Just buy 2oz, 4 oz (etc) sinkers from a tackle shop and S hooks to put on them. They hook very easily over clover clamps or the finger loops of forceps style clamps. Some like to have the clamps tapped. Gentle is enough. Minute increases in pain can be HUGE on the receiving end. People watching don’t think I’m doing much, but the bottom is all but dancing on his toes for me.
Clothespins can go anywhere on the body that you can pull up a pinch of skin. You don’t need to smack them off. I don’t do that unless it’s a special request of the bottom. Line up along the pectorals on both sides of the areola, leaving the nipples free. Tug, twist, tap to your heart’s content. Tap with the handle of a wooden spoon. Tease the nipples. Play them like a xylophone. lol When you take them off, the pec is then hyper-sensitive to do all those other things I mentioned.
Ball Gags – I don’t usually use them, as I want very clear communication during play. However, if a guy is making facial expressions I don’t care for, wagging his tongue out, or saying words I don’t want to hear, I will pick up his ball gag and plop it into his mouth. There’s no need to engage the buckle. I expect he understands that he’s to keep it in his mouth until I remove it.
Finger Nubbies – Anyone who’s worked in an office with lots of paper has seen little rubber finger tips for friction when sorting through paper. They are fantastic sensation toys, and don’t cost a lot. Put one on an index finger and thumb and you have a new way to tease and pinch.
Extra Hands – When I’ve got a guy cuffed to the X, I at once have an extra pair of hands to hold things for me. I’ll give him a flogger to hold until I need it, or the wartenberg wheels. It makes for a humorous visual for the people watching, and keeps him present. He can’t go completely into his own head because he has to keep enough focus to hold onto the object.
Cock and ball torture — Quantify what he means by CBT. Saying he doesn’t like it doesn’t explain what he doesn’t like. What is it that he doesn’t like? Grabbing and twisting? Okay. Don’t twist his dick. It’s as simple as that.
Pelvic Caning — Every dude who has agreed to have his cock/pelvic region caned has liked what I do. I don’t need to hit hard to get reactions…and those reactions are fairly obvious. I’ve not caned one to ejaculation yet, but a couple have gotten close. Mild tap tap tapping up and down the length of a flaccid cock quickly leads to an erection. I have a black cane that is fairly stiff but still a bit flexible. It bounces off the surface and isn’t as brutal as my fiberglass rods. I use a short motion with my hand, aiming for the surface and without follow-through. Don’t swing like you’re chopping down a tree. You’re not going for maximum impact, but surface sting and thud. He’s going to have bruising and will need to piss in the coming days, so less is more.
I whap a little harder on the meat of the area just above the cock. Front of the thighs, including the penis as it hangs, and you may find him leaning back to assist in getting the angle and strike zone he likes best.
I like to include the inner thighs as well, and the scrotum. Front or back doesn’t make much difference to me. Moderate whapping back and forth from thigh to thigh, zinging across the very bottom of the scrotum in the process, has been a favorite with the men. It gives them the sting and burn of an inner thigh caning with the surprise impact to the balls in both directions.
Don’t be too relentless, however. Five or six up strokes up high, then move the cane down or move to a different area entirely.
If the back is facing you — I’ve told each of them that if they stick it out, I’m gonna hit it. Every man at once angled himself to better present his balls. You can strike across both thighs and the scrotum at the same time. Again, don’t swing like you’re chopping down a tree. You don’t want to rupture a testicle.
Managing the Bottom – One of the most important aspects of play is knowing when to back off a moment and let the bottom catch his breath. You can’t go intense intense intense every second. Varying sensations between mild and intense, back to mild, up to moderate, down to mild, up to intense creates a rollercoaster ride of pleasures. Know when to pause for a moment and give him (and yourself) a drink. A scene including everything from above will easily last an hour or more. Pause two or three times for a drink and a breath. I always stop before they’re completely spent. Leave them wanting more rather than regretting going one minute too long.
Station Clean Up — I don’t play in private, so this is all happening at a party. One of us wipes down the station he was attached to. If he’s got some wits about him, he does it. If he’s too zonked, I do it. I clean and put away my stuff while he cleans and puts away his stuff, or puts away his stuff for later cleaning. Whatever. It’s his kit.
What about aftercare??? – I know, right? I totally worked hard. I deserve some after care. First, I’m going to sit and watch him attempt to put his clothes on. It’s most entertaining and satisfying, watching a grown man rendered down to a puddle of endorphic goo, incapable of dressing himself. It’s the best part.
Then I’ll tell him to give me a shoulder and arm massage. If we’re at a sex/SM combo party, I’ll go get laid with some other guy. I don’t have sex with the bottoms I play with.
I’ll follow up with Tylenol through the next day, and a nice warm shower, to ease sore muscles.
The bottom will do whatever it is that he does after he gets home. I’m sure masturbation will be part of his routine, but I could be wrong. I won’t be there for any of it.
What other people choose to do when they are finished is between them.
TylerRose. is known as Dame Tyler in the NYC public SM/Fetish scene. She is an award-winning author who has written three “lifestyle”, four cartoon, and over 25 fiction books.
Read her books on her Amazon page — https://www.amazon.com/TylerRose./e/B00HCPLSP2
You can also find more of her OP/ED work in Fetlife: https://fetlife.com/users/305828
Twitter — https://twitter.com/DameTyler or @DameTyler
FB Fan Page — https://www.facebook.com/TylerRoseGethis/
She enjoys crocheting and baking, and will no doubt die with a thesaurus open on her thigh.
love the categories here
Why don’t you give aftercare to your subs (from what I am reading)? I thought that is often essential. Do you only play with those who do not need it? Just curious, since you often hear it discussed.
Dame TylerRose. says
It’s only essential for those who think it’s essential.
Every person I play with is told before we do a single thing “There won’t be any aftercare.” They have the opportunity to walk away. Not one ever has. So it’s not nearly as essential as people online make it out to be.
If they need a band aid put on in a place they can’t reach, sure. I’ll put a band aid on. That’s it.
Most times people talk aftercare, it comes down to cuddling. I’m not a cuddler. I’m certainly not going to be cuddling with someone I met twenty minutes earlier at the SM party. It’s not happening.
If they need that, they need to bring a friend to provide that for them or they need to walk away from me and get play from someone else. As I said…no one has walked away from me..
I’m certainly not going to do anything to ruin their endorphin high. I worked too hard to get them there. It’ll happen naturally soon enough. Most of the time, they get more play from someone else, so their head is just fine.
I only play with people who can take care of themselves because I’m not going to be home with them the next day. That’s when they will have to eat, drink, and function all by themselves.
We played at a party. We’re not in a relationship. If they want someone who will fawn over them for the next week, they need to get a boyfriend or a girlfriend.
I’m a sadist, not their mommy.
Dame TylerRose. says
I feel a need to add another aspect that is almost never discussed.
When my bottoms leave my side, they are FLYING. They are elated. Ecstatic.
They are in the greatest mood of their life and can’t wait to have it done to them again.
There seems to be this idea that when play is done, everyone is always crying and a miserable heap of mess. I’ve never once had a bottom end up like that.
My entire purpose is to uplift my bottom so they are having the greatest time of their life. I’ve driven their cares away for as long as it lasts.
For me, the entire point of BDSM is to feel better about one’s self. To have the dark clouds of negative energies beaten away, leaving behind a glorious calm that will (hopefully) last several days.
Not end up a heap of misery, self-pity, and depression.