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Simple Ideas for Playing with Male Bottoms

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mistress dominating male slave on leash
via stock.adobe.com

Creativity is one of the most important attributes I’ve seen common among sadists.

A checklist is great, but it doesn’t tell you how to actually DO things. When you’re new, the how of doing things is very important. First and foremost, the bottom and I go over my toy kit and *theirs*. We both agree on and set out items we want to use. One of the bottoms I play with sets out his items and understands that I will use what I choose to use.

What to do and how to do it:

Using the Leash for things OTHER than leading him around — The loop end of a leash can be used as very simple cock bondage, especially once he’s hard. Give it a tug whenever you want. A fabric leash can be pulled up a few inches and put into his mouth.

Tie the dick up with rope and attach a chain leash from collar to cock. Tap on the chain with a hard cane or wooden spoon. Slide a cane up and down it to send vibrations through the chain. Pull the chain up and to the side to position the cock however you want to move it out of the way when whipping the thighs with a quirt.

Wartenberg Wheels — I’ve found I’m very good with wartenberg wheels. Most people might use them for a few seconds and move on to something else. I turn them into a half hour scene in and of themselves.  I run those things all over the body. Up and down the undersides of his arms (including armpits), over the shoulders, around the neck, down his sides, around his back/thighs/buttocks, and eventually over his cock and balls, down the inner thighs. Everywhere I can reach. I almost always use one in each hand, mirroring each other as they roll, and going into the more sensitive areas after he’s been warmed up for a few minutes.

If he likes clamps on the nipples, I’ll attach them after ten or fifteen minutes and run the wheels around his pectorals. 

Clamps with weights — I do this very gently. Just buy 2oz, 4 oz (etc) sinkers from a tackle shop and S hooks to put on them. They hook very easily over clover clamps or the finger loops of forceps style clamps. Some like to have the clamps tapped. Gentle is enough. Minute increases in pain can be HUGE on the receiving end. People watching don’t think I’m doing much, but the bottom is all but dancing on his toes for me.

Clothespins can go anywhere on the body that you can pull up a pinch of skin. You don’t need to smack them off. I don’t do that unless it’s a special request of the bottom. Line up along the pectorals on both sides of the areola, leaving the nipples free. Tug, twist, tap to your heart’s content. Tap with the handle of a wooden spoon. Tease the nipples. Play them like a xylophone. lol When you take them off, the pec is then hyper-sensitive to do all those other things I mentioned.

Ball Gags – I don’t usually use them, as I want very clear communication during play. However, if a guy is making facial expressions I don’t care for, wagging his tongue out, or saying words I don’t want to hear, I will pick up his ball gag and plop it into his mouth. There’s no need to engage the buckle. I expect he understands that he’s to keep it in his mouth until I remove it.

Finger Nubbies – Anyone who’s worked in an office with lots of paper has seen little rubber finger tips for friction when sorting through paper. They are fantastic sensation toys, and don’t cost a lot. Put one on an index finger and thumb and you have a new way to tease and pinch.

Extra Hands – When I’ve got a guy cuffed to the X, I at once have an extra pair of hands to hold things for me. I’ll give him a flogger to hold until I need it, or the wartenberg wheels. It makes for a humorous visual for the people watching, and keeps him present. He can’t go completely into his own head because he has to keep enough focus to hold onto the object.

Cock and ball torture — Quantify what he means by CBT. Saying he doesn’t like it doesn’t explain what he doesn’t like. What is it that he doesn’t like? Grabbing and twisting? Okay. Don’t twist his dick.  It’s as simple as that.

Pelvic Caning — Every dude who has agreed to have his cock/pelvic region caned has liked what I do. I don’t need to hit hard to get reactions…and those reactions are fairly obvious. I’ve not caned one to ejaculation yet, but a couple have gotten close. Mild tap tap tapping up and down the length of a flaccid cock quickly leads to an erection. I have a black cane that is fairly stiff but still a bit flexible. It bounces off the surface and isn’t as brutal as my fiberglass rods. I use a short motion with my hand, aiming for the surface and without follow-through. Don’t swing like you’re chopping down a tree. You’re not going for maximum impact, but surface sting and thud. He’s going to have bruising and will need to piss in the coming days, so less is more.

I whap a little harder on the meat of the area just above the cock. Front of the thighs, including the penis as it hangs, and you may find him leaning back to assist in getting the angle and strike zone he likes best. 

I like to include the inner thighs as well, and the scrotum. Front or back doesn’t make much difference to me. Moderate whapping back and forth from thigh to thigh, zinging across the very bottom of the scrotum in the process, has been a favorite with the men. It gives them the sting and burn of an inner thigh caning with the surprise impact to the balls in both directions. 

Don’t be too relentless, however. Five or six up strokes up high, then move the cane down or move to a different area entirely.

If the back is facing you — I’ve told each of them that if they stick it out, I’m gonna hit it. Every man at once angled himself to better present his balls. You can strike across both thighs and the scrotum at the same time. Again, don’t swing like you’re chopping down a tree. You don’t want to rupture a testicle.

Managing the Bottom – One of the most important aspects of play is knowing when to back off a moment and let the bottom catch his breath. You can’t go intense intense intense every second. Varying sensations between mild and intense, back to mild, up to moderate, down to mild, up to intense creates a rollercoaster ride of pleasures. Know when to pause for a moment and give him (and yourself) a drink. A scene including everything from above will easily last an hour or more. Pause two or three times for a drink and a breath. I always stop before they’re completely spent. Leave them wanting more rather than regretting going one minute too long.

Station Clean Up — I don’t play in private, so this is all happening at a party. One of us wipes down the station he was attached to. If he’s got some wits about him, he does it. If he’s too zonked, I do it. I clean and put away my stuff while he cleans and puts away his stuff, or puts away his stuff for later cleaning. Whatever. It’s his kit. 

What about aftercare??? – I know, right? I totally worked hard. I deserve some after care. First, I’m going to sit and watch him attempt to put his clothes on. It’s most entertaining and satisfying, watching a grown man rendered down to a puddle of endorphic goo, incapable of dressing himself. It’s the best part.

Then I’ll tell him to give me a shoulder and arm massage. If we’re at a sex/SM combo party, I’ll go get laid with some other guy. I don’t have sex with the bottoms I play with.

I’ll follow up with Tylenol through the next day, and a nice warm shower, to ease sore muscles.

The bottom will do whatever it is that he does after he gets home. I’m sure masturbation will be part of his routine, but I could be wrong. I won’t be there for any of it.

What other people choose to do when they are finished is between them.

TylerRose. is known as Dame Tyler in the NYC public SM/Fetish scene. She is an award-winning author who has written three “lifestyle”, four cartoon, and over 25 fiction books.

Read her books on her Amazon page — https://www.amazon.com/TylerRose./e/B00HCPLSP2

You can also find more of her OP/ED work in Fetlife: https://fetlife.com/users/305828
Twitter — https://twitter.com/DameTyler or @DameTyler
FB Fan Page — https://www.facebook.com/TylerRoseGethis/

She enjoys crocheting and baking, and will no doubt die with a thesaurus open on her thigh.

The Male Chastity Conundrum

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male chastity cock cage
Male chastity cock cage

 I hope you have been enjoying Rika’s Lair, my monthly column dedicated to thoughts and experiences regarding power dynamics in Service-Oriented D/s relationships. Look up “Ms. Rika” in the search box for links to all of my articles in KinkWeekly! 

There’s this thing about male chastity cages: By their nature, they work when you DON’T do anything. The whole idea of chastity cages is that you put them on your subject and, until you decide to take them off, they do not get to have sexual pleasure. It seems simple: You just have to lock it on. However, it turns out, in practice, there’s a quite a bit more to it than that. 

The issue is, when he’s in that cage, his attention is on that cage at all times. Obviously, you expect him to have feelings of enduring something, suffering for you (in theory at least), and of sacrificing a very basic freedom. However, the device impacts him in many other ways besides limiting orgasms and erections. The device has weight and compression on his penis. It forces him to sit to urinate, changes the look of his clothing, often chafes a little, changes his gait, makes it different for him to clean, makes him self-conscious and aware of what’s visible to the outside world, makes it difficult for him to sit comfortably for long periods of time, and changes his sleeping habits. In short, he is physically aware of it – all day and all night. 

For the dominant, you close the lock and start the rest of your day. Nothing is making you aware that he’s suffering. Nothing is changing your daily routine. You have no constant reminders. For you, nothing changes – except for the few times in the week when sex is on the table (or in the bed!). 

And that’s part of the allure of the chastity fantasy: The slave suffers while the keyholder blithely goes about their day. All the freedom belongs to the keyholder; all the suffering/frustration to the locked. However, that’s just the fantasy. The reality is usually quite different. 

In reality, subs want to know that they’re not alone in their dynamic. They need to feel the dominant’s intent; to feel that what is being done to them, is being done TO them – and that the dominant is the one DOING it. They don’t just want to be limited; they want to know that the dominant is deliberately limiting them. 

The problem is, the sub constantly feels the “burden” of the device and is actively thinking about it at all times, but the dominant isn’t. This creates a disconnect – the threat to the sub is very real; that their submission is all in their head – and that the dominant is unaware of the extent of what the sub is going through. The sub wants the dominant to recognize the power the device has and to OPENLY LEVERAGE the helplessness that the sub feels. They want this – all the time, because they are reminded of it – all the time, and they’re thinking about it – ALL THE TIME. Since the dominant isn’t physically reminded, and isn’t being interrupted all day long, they may seem unaware of the extent of the sub’s predicament. 

Many men respond to this by “sharing” how they feel, especially when not asked. They feel the need to emphasize and highlight their frustration – both verbally and physically. They overtly show the desperation that they’re feeling – and sometimes act in “over-the-top slavish fashion”, in an attempt to demonstrate the “benefits” to the dominant of keeping them in chastity. They attempt to encourage the dominant to show recognition of their plight by acting on that advantage, and to do things like tease the sub to “make the frustration worse”. They need the dominant to demonstrate how much they enjoy his suffering and captivity.

Sometimes (and unfortunately, often), they will even act up in an attempt to have the dominant react by punishing them, usually hoping that the dominant will use the device to increase their frustration (e.g., a punishment of another week in chastity!) Worse, if the dominant doesn’t react, subs often gets angry or melancholy, and in particularly bad situations, openly challenge the dominant’s abilities. 

The end result of all of this demand, is pressure on the dominant: Pressure to play the game; to give the sub what he perceives he should be receiving; to try to think about what the submissive is feeling as often as he is thinking about it. As I explained above, there is no natural driver for the keyholder to be as aware of the device as the wearer, so trying to be equally focused is simply not a realistic expectation. Trying to keep the sub’s condition in the front of your mind is a tall-order for someone who is supposedly the object of the submission and a lot of burden for the partner who is supposedly being served. Worse, when that pressure builds up on a dominant, no matter how confident they are, it’s too easy to interpret it as a lapse of their own abilities. All of which serves to undermine the integrity of the dynamic. 

I find that it helps to be aware of the disconnect and the way it presents. I find that knowing about the dichotomy of focus that chastity brings to the partnership, helps dominants to readily recognize the pressure their submissive is putting on them – so that they can deal with it in a more confident manner. 

Once you’ve recognized the pressure for what it is, you can decide how you want to react to it. When it happens to me (and it does for things, not only chastity related), the first thing I do is a little introspection to try to determine if the sub is just being needy, or if I actually have been a little distracted. 

If he’s being needy or just over-focused on the device, I generally tell him so, and tell him to get it under control. There is no “…or else” clause in this statement, because punishing him in response to neediness will reward manipulative behavior. Rather, I just insist on his adjustment. If he fails to do so, I’ll likely take him out of the device indefinitely. I’m not going to play the game if he’s not going to provide the self-discipline I demand. He will usually respond well, as he also understands the disconnect and knows by the other things I do (see CERAF in my books), that I am active and committed to our dynamic. 

On the other hand, if I feel that I may have been depriving him a bit of recognition, or have been neglecting him a bit, then perhaps a few “simple gifts” (read “Uniquely Rika” and “Uniquely Us” for a deeper discussion of simple gifts!) are in order, just to let him know I’m actively involved in the dynamic – and that I have put him in chastity for my own reasons. 

While controlling a sub’s orgasm is a common desire of dominants, the use of a device to do so is more often the sub’s desire. For many of the reasons above, using physical devices to force a sub to be chaste – is a fantasy more enjoyed by the wearer – and may be more of a burden for the keyholder. In many dynamics, including mine, putting a submissive into a chastity device is either a treat of sorts, or a shared symbolic gesture. It doesn’t define submission – or create it – but rather, is one of many ways to formalize a concept. I make my opinion well known to my subs: When the symbol becomes more important to the sub than the submission, it’s time to do away with the symbol! I’m willing to be aware of the disconnect, but I’m not willing to give up MY freedom for it. 

male chastity cock cage
male chastity cock cage

Ms. Rika is a lifestyle dominant, educator, and author; living in the suburbs of NYC with her husband/slave. She has written several popular books on her approach to adding Dominant-Centric, Service-Oriented D/s to relationships. You can find her books (in both print and eBook formats) at Lulu.com (http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/msrika), or at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, the iStore, Books-A- Million, Kobo.com, or anywhere books are sold. Search for “Ms. Rika”. Write to me at Ms_Rika@hotmail.com

Under Lock And Key

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Photographer: Matthias Wallmeier
Model: Miss Fetilicious

“The putting on of a chastity belt, by a partner, is an indication of the dominance by the “keyholder” over the wearer’s sexual activities. By accepting the chastity belt, the wearer accepts surrender of control over their sexual behavior to a partner, who may grant permission to the wearer to engage in sexual activity by removing the belt. The dominant may decide when, where, how, how often, and even if, the submissive is allowed sexual release.”

The first time I brought up a locked cage to my husband, his initial reaction was, “Fuck no.” That is to be expected. After all, a chastity device requires that his precious penis be behind a cage, thus preventing full erections, and the ability for him to masturbate.  In my opinion, the act of chastity is the ultimate power exchange because it requires the dominate to control the submissive’s ability to orgasm.

To be perfectly honest, it was the control part that excited me, long before I realized that I was a Domme. In this article, I want to give readers practical advice on how to find the perfect cage, and different ways to safely and effectively use it in everyday life.  

First, let’s get really clear about what a cock cage is. Contrary to popular belief, it is not a torture device. Your man should not be in pain, unless pain is a kink that is agreed upon beforehand by all parties, in which case, they do make cock cages that range in discomfort. Pain is a hard limit for us. With this being said, we have gone through several different cages before we found the perfect one.

The first cage we used was plastic; we have found that a metal cage is the best for us. It doesn’t have any potential sharp edges. We have also found that the metal cages are more durable.  The cage should be tight and secure so the sub feels totally powerless. Because finding the right fit can sometimes be tricky, it might take a few cages to find the right one. Following instructions on measuring is imperative. The ring of the cage is the most important to get right. The ring slips under the testicles and secures the actual cage. So, too big or too small will either cause too much discomfort, or be too loose, and not retrain the penis. Before purchasing a cage, make sure you measure correctly and understand that all brands are a little different. Again, it may take a few tries to find the right one.

When it will be worn,  for how long, and where the key is going to be kept are all things that should be discussed and consented to ahead of time.

When my husband consented to wearing a cage, it was exciting. Having complete and total control over his penis was not something I took lightly.

Most subs wear the cock cage because they consent to give up total control of their ability to touch their penis. In my opinion, it is the ultimate passing of power, and the Domme should take it very seriously. The cock cage usually comes with a lock, and two keys. I advise that one key be placed somewhere that both the Domme and sub agree on. The other key can be worn by the Domme or hidden.

There are many different uses for the cock cage. It can be worn during sex. There have been several times I have had sex with my slave and made him wear a strap-on. I have made him wear the cage to work, sometimes combined with lace panties.  The point is to humiliate, and emasculate him. Again, all of the above limits were consented to beforehand.

It is up to you how long and how often the sub wears the cock cage-as long as he is safe and continues to relinquish control. It is my advice to have fun with it.

You can have him wear it to work and spend the day sending him naughty pictures. Or have him watch porn with you while wearing it all the while taunting him and making him beg for you to release his cage.

I always allow him to take the cage off at night because he finds it very uncomfortable to sleep in. There are people that wear the cock cage 24/7 and only take it off when instructed. If you find that your sub is into that, make sure that he is super comfortable in his cage. Keep in mind that the male penis has many erections during the night, most of which are not sexual. erections, and when in a tight cage can cut off blood flow and be very painful.

Like everything, this type of kink takes research, patience, and practice.

What is it?

Why wear it?

Different types of cages?

Different ways to use it?

When you can answer these questions thoroughly and accurately, then you are ready to begin looking at cages. However, before use a further conversation is required to hash out all limits that are on and off the table.

About the Author

Katie is a 34 year old writer and adult performer. As far as kink goes she considers herself a Domme  She likes to write about pegging and CEI since these are both her fetishes.

https://www.patreon.com/KRerotica << This is where you can find her erotica