Obedience vs. Understanding

My girl has the same set bedtime ritual; place clothes in laundry basket, remove make-up, wash face, brush teeth, crawl on her knees to the bed, have a chain padlocked onto her collar for the night...You know, normal bedtime stuff. Over the length of our relationship more and more rules have been brought into our ongoing dynamic. The rules started with small things, easy to … [Read more...]

Frame The Experience

A friend of mine and I were talking the other day. We were discussing the word "slut", it was a word that had been used to hurt her in the past, now it was a word she was claiming back. I was impressed by her strength and determination, while also being reminded that words can leave invisible wounds that we carry with us through daily life. The word slut had been used to … [Read more...]

Trust and Kink

We talk a great deal about consent in the kink community, as we should, however, I fear we sometimes do so at the the expense of other important aspects of a healthy kink relationship. In this article I want to go beyond consent and explore the role of trust in D/s dynamics. We are going to explore it from two perspectives, that of the responsibility of the Top to be … [Read more...]

Why My Girl Isn’t Allowed To Say “No”

I am sure we have all heard the sweaty, uber-dom declare; "True submissives I play with don't have safe-words." and "My partner isn't allowed to say no to me." followed by a grin which could only be described as unfortunate. I would argue that such an attitude is at best pointless posturing and at worst an indicator of dangerous abuse. So let us explore these two points, the … [Read more...]