Sexuality is a broad spectrum. Everyone has different preferences regarding dating and being intimate with others, but some groups of people show certain common grounds. Many of them don’t necessarily feel the need to be labeled, but being part of a group can help us find our own voice for many of us.
Labeling various aspects of our sexuality can help us identify our needs and desires and share them with the community. It allows us to find other people like ourselves. However, some preferences may be confusing even to people that define themselves as those.
What exactly is demisexuality? Can demisexuals enjoy casual encounters? How to manage your physical craving without a long-term relationship? Here, you will find some information that will hopefully help you answer those questions.
Humans are sexual beings. The vast majority enjoys various kinds of sex, as it is no longer just a matter of procreation but a healthy way to relieve stress, have fun, experiment with new feelings, etc. While some can enjoy masturbation, their silicon wives, or random sex with strangers, not all people can and want to do those things.
Demisexuality is one of the sexual orientations where people feel sexual attraction to someone only when they have an emotional bond with that person. At the same time, they can be gay, straight, pan, bi, and they may have any gender identity.
Contrary to some beliefs, the bond demisexual people need to enjoy sexual encounters doesn’t need to be love or romance. For many of them, friendship will be more than enough.
Right now, you may think, “but don’t many of us wait to have intimate relationships after we create some bond?” Yes, but for demi people, it’s not about choice. They don’t do it because they want to, but because they won’t feel sexual attraction until after they befriend someone. They are not simply people who decide to date someone before having sex.
Seeing their friends hooking up in bars and having a good time with total strangers may be annoying for demi people. Most people need physical closeness from time to time, but some don’t want to engage in serious relationships.
Being the only one who goes to a party with friends and goes back alone isn’t nice. You never have any wild, fun stories to tell in the morning, and you can feel like you are too picky and that your friends perceive you as a prude. Nevertheless, have you ever had casual sex that you enjoyed? If you didn’t have casual sex at all, do you want to?
If the answer is “no,” then you don’t have anything to feel weird about. Sex with strangers, especially after alcohol, can be really awkward, and lots of people lie that it was wonderful, just to feel better. You can always fulfill your physical needs in different ways. Doing it by yourself has many benefits, including getting to know your own body.
Friends With Benefits
Friends with benefits is a fantastic way to have someone you can be close to with no strings attached. It is also a perfect arrangement for demis. Platonic friendship or love is also the connection that may allow demisexual people to have good sex without long-term relationships.
If you don’t want to ruin your social circles, you can look up people on the Internet. There are sites designed especially for looking for friends with benefits, and putting your sexual preferences on your profile page can help you avoid people that want something different.
Having a platonic sexual relationship will allow you to explore your sexual side without distractions and fights that usually couples have. You can try various things and techniques and see what you are into.
However, there is a tricky part of the FwB relationship that people tend to forget. If you want it to work, you have to remember that you are not a couple. It can get really awkward if one person “catches” feelings and the other one doesn’t. You have to establish clear ground rules of the arrangement and follow them thoroughly.
The Bottom Line
Demisexual people will indeed have a harder time finding relationships with no strings than others. However, in most cases, it can be done. There is no reason for demisexual people to be abstinent when dating is out of the question. You can have sex for any reason, from physical need to the mental need of closeness. It is important to take your time and find someone you will have a good time with, so you won’t end up hurt or in an uncomfortable situation.
Remember that you don’t have to do things that make you feel awkward just because other people are doing this. You can take everything at your own pace. Embracing your sexuality can help you feel better and accept yourself just the way you are.
Maze is a lifestyle writer, dominant in life, submissive in other activities. She participates in shibari workshops and works as a BDSM model for both workshops and photoshoots. Her writing focuses on positive sexuality, and her goal is to educate people on safe sex, kinks, and accepting your whole personality. Maze wants to see a world where no one will be frowned upon for expressing themselves or their hobbies.
It’s good to read something about asexuality spectrum. Waiting for more!
Would love to read something on kink and asexuality or poly and asexuality
Super interesting topic! More of this please!