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Simple Mummification Fun!

November 10, 2021 By PirateStan Leave a Comment

blonde sexy Domme with male submissive in straitjacket
via stock.adobe.com

This is the simplest, quick & dirty mummification you can probably do. You’ll need three things:

1. Pantyhose, sized for the person getting wrapped up. A bit bigger is fine.

2. Duct tape; Dollar store type is fine, or the more inexpensive type from Lowes, Wal Mart, etc. More is better, so think 3-5 rolls. Get one roll of decent stuff, but not Gorilla Tape; it’s too thick.

3. Safety shears; the ones on Amazon are a bit pricey (you can find them at kink events for less than $5) but certainly will work fine. You MUST have safety shears. Do not plan to cut the person loose with a knife or regular scissors, as it can be VERY dangerous.

Start by putting a hole in the crotch of the pantyhose. Have the bindee put their arms in the legs and pull it on like a shirt, then tug it down as far as they can over their boobs/chest, to the abdomen.

Have them fold their arms over their boobs/chest, towards their shoulders, so that it’s most comfortable.

Now start wrapping with duct tape. There is no one way to wrap. Start with horizontal wraps, but use vertical, diagonal, whatever works. Minimize contact between duct tape and skin.

Think multiple layers. The first layer will be wrinkly and creased. But with subsequent layers you can think more aesthetically. On your third layer, use the good duct tape and don’t so much wrap as cover aesthetically unpleasing areas, making it look nice and smooth (of course, if you’re simply doing this as bondage for bondage’s sake, aesthetics give way to practicality, so you can likely do fewer layers).

When you’re done you have a sort of duct tape straitjacket. It’s my experience that someone can stay this way for hours.

When it comes time to release them, simply cut along the back with safety shears, and they’ll be free almost immediately.

You can also add in “boob windows”, although be REALLY careful you don’t cut the person. With some people you can work these into the duct tape wrapping, leaving the boob/nipple area free of duct tape, making it an easy matter to cut the pantyhose away.

Of course, the best advantage here is that the bindee is unencumbered from the waist down, which can lead to all sorts of adventures.

Have fun.

Tagged With: bdsm play, bdsm relationship, bdsm scene, bondage, dominant, mummification, submissive

Outdoor Play

November 4, 2021 By Baadmaster 2 Comments

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There are two major events that concern all of us:  the first is the Covid situation.  I pledged to stop writing about it and, to a great extent, I have kept my promise and ignored it. Which leaves the other major determinant in all our lives – the weather. 

In much of the country, there are four seasons – two of which tend to keep us indoors.  Add into that the “I promised not to mention” situation and we have become, for a greater part of the year, a nation of hermits. Thus, when I stumbled upon the following question, it seemed to be perfectly timed to the appearance of magnificent weather here in SoCal.

For those of you who follow my work, you will notice there is an overlap with a previous piece on abduction scenes.  The dangers – and the excitement –  of outdoor sex and play can be awesome.  So, with that in mind, let’s go to the question! 

Reader: With the weather being nice out, thoughts of outdoor play are on my mind. Can you give some advice on things to be watchful for? Of course… you can’t have only warnings/dangers, or your readership would boo and hiss. So, can you cover both aspects of outdoor play!

In our abduction article, we covered the dangers of outdoor BDSM play – and added a bunch of suggestions that should keep you safe and not wind up in jail. Since you are not talking about an abduction scene per se, I am going to suggest that you take D/s, as opposed to BDSM, outdoors. It is a lot safer than BDSM – after all you cannot get arrested for calling your Master “Master” at an amusement park.

What I propose is that you add some protocols that you can perform outdoors – protocols you would never bother with indoors during winter. If you are a medium protocol Dom like me, you can add some higher protocols that can be performed outside. Let’s say you are at the beach. A few months ago, you might have shivered in the windy sand. But, here in the warm outdoors, why not have your submissive serve you? Let him/her get all your food and beverages. He/she can even sneak in some nifty serving rituals. I guarantee you, no one will notice it. The great outdoors is also a good place to slip in some high protocol D/s like foot worship.

There are some great sex toys that work well in a D/s context. A wireless, remote controlled vibrator or butt plug might be edgy, but you only live twice, Mr. Bond. (The newest Bond is terrible, BTW).  Having your female submissive hike in the woods with a vibrating toy inside her, controlled by you, gives new meaning to “exploring.” Again, short of a cavity search, this is your own private secret!

Discipline can be accomplished outdoors a lot easier than indoors. If your submissive is deserving of punishment, why not give him/her a difficult outdoor task rather than the typical indoor spanking? A one-mile run should be more than enough to discourage the miscreant from repeating his/her indiscretion. You can take it one step further with an outdoor humiliation scene. Making your sub wear a baby pacifier at the park might just be the kind of degradation that will keep your sub from misbehaving. The beauty of it is that, to the vanilla public at large, it appears to be nothing more than a bit of summer madness.

There are also great summer destinations that are, unintentionally, scene friendly. I loved to go to Las Vegas with my slave. In the words of the old ad campaign, “What goes on in Vegas stays in Vegas.” Basically anything short of public sex will go unnoticed here – not because it is a libertine city (prostitution is, amazingly, illegal in Las Vegas) –  but rather a crowded one.  If you insist your slave opens doors for you, go for it. No one will raise an eyebrow. (Whether the sub opens doors for the Dom/me or vice versa is open to debate; I think it is the Dom/me’s decision.) Walk two steps behind your Master, head bowed – no one will make a comment. If you want your sub or slave to always address you as “Master,” even in a restaurant, no one here will give it a second thought. Walk through the casinos with a flogger attached to your belt, dungeon style, and you probably won’t ruffle a feather. Short of crawling behind your Master or Mistress, anything D/s goes. Even collar and leash will likely go unnoticed and unchallenged.

Many other vacation destinations, by their very nature, are somewhat scene friendly. Not by design; it just works out that way. Because they attract people whose aim is to have fun, most will give you a lot of room to play.  Additionally, much of our lifestyle has become mainstream.  So if your intention is to shock – slut writing on your slave is one way to shock many civilians – you have some extra work to do to avoid creating an angry crowd, especially with a female slave. You might also avoid the word “slave” in conservative – and even liberal – enclaves. Social rules change quickly.  Most important, be considerate. If there are kids around, be circumspect or take your play out of their range. 

I remember once, on South Beach in Miami, I was lightly spanking my submissive on the beach.  A couple passed by, stopped and watched. After a while, the female said, “Oooh, that looks like fun!” And it was!


After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.

Tagged With: bdsm, bdsm community, bdsm play, bdsm relationship, bdsm scene, fetish, kink

This week in kink: November 8, 2021

November 4, 2021 By Desdemona 2 Comments

New to the scene?

Then, check out this awesome article on things to be mindful of when trying out BDSM from NewsOnDot!


Don’t miss this extensive list of fetishes and kinks from Glamour!

Click below to read more!


Want to dive deeper into your erotic desires?

Then, click below to learn more about the Erotic Blueprint Quiz from Distractify!


Have some kinky news to share? Tell us about any upcoming BDSM events, new products, dungeon openings / closings, kink in mainstream media, and anything else you think kinky folks might be interested to hear about. Send your tips through to kinkweekly@gmail.com, and it might just end up on next week’s “This Week in Kink.”

Tagged With: bdsm, bdsm community, bdsm play, bdsm relationship, bdsm safety, bdsm scene, fetish, kink

Video: How To Stay Safe While Exploring BDSM And Meeting People

November 4, 2021 By Evie Lupine 2 Comments

It’s so important to be safe when playing!

Click below to learn useful BDSM safety tips from the amazing Evie!

How to Stay Safe While Exploring BDSM & Meeting People!

Tagged With: bdsm community, bdsm play, bdsm safety, bdsm scene, consensual, consent, negotiation, safety

Taking Impact Beyond 101

October 27, 2021 By Christmas Bunny 2 Comments

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via stock.adobe.com

One of the photographs of the human body with colors blocked out all over it has been making the rounds among my local community again.  It suggests that it can specify safe zones for impact.

While a couple of assumptions must be made to make those charts accurate, such as assuming first a lightweight flogger is the only impact implement being used, as well as assuming every body responds the same way to that stimuli, I get that all of the people who have made them probably have the noble intentions of educating newcomers.  Unfortunately for their good intentions, I strongly disagree with the concept of a chart on principle.

For starters, let’s just talk about a body part I universally saw as “green,” or totally safe for impact, on the many charts Google fetched me:  the forearm.  Sure, it’s a “green” zone if we’re talking lightweight flogger, but what if we up the weight of that flogger to around four pounds and make it out of bullhide?  Are you still as comfortable calling that a definite “green” zone?  What if we stop assuming floggers at all and swap out for a bat?  After all, those charts just specify impact safe zones, not the tool being used.  We still good to go for an impact session with a bat on a forearm?

Immediately, we all see the weaknesses of trying to set a universal standard of what is okay for a given implement without taking the time to learn it specifically.  Instead of trying to create a chart for everything, I’d much rather see us treat impact with the seriousness it deserves, as it can absolutely be edge play.

Start with questions.

What are the characteristics of my particular tool?  Does it have heft or is it light?  Is it rigid or flexible?  A very lightweight and flexible tool, such as a small flogger, is unlikely to be problematic for use as you explore a body with it.  Moving up from the buttocks and thighs, other than kidneys and face, there aren’t many places that will be off limits, particularly when using it lightly.  In contrast, even a small rigid tool, such as a mallet-type implement, could be dangerous if used on the spinal column, over the shoulder blades, or on other areas where bones connect or are closer to the surface:  knees, elbows, shoulder blades, even hipbones.  

If it wraps a torso, leg, or other body part, will it speed up and create a secondary impact point of greater intensity? Anything with flex has the potential to create a “wrapping” effect as it turns a corner around the body.  The speed of the implement is greatly impacted by that motion.  Some people stand on a principle that one should never wrap when using such implements.  Other Sadists I know use that technique to make sure they get some chest or breast hits in even if working from behind.  It is definitely a more advanced skill, and one that should be practiced on a pillow or other target prior to attempting it on a partner.

Is my tool going to spread the impact over a larger area, or will it be concentrated on a focused point?  Concentrated impact is often going to result in stingy sensation.  Whips, canes, and dragon tails are excellent examples of those types of implements.  In contrast, a large padded bat is going to spread out that force.  The larger the area of impact is, the less precision there can truly be.  You are going to hit across a larger area simply due to the nature of the object.  If you are impacting a spot the size of a dime, you’re going to have an easier time making sure you focus on specific spots.  Make sure to evaluate each one for its potential to damage if used on the ass, the thighs, or the upper shoulders individually.  Two similar bats can be constructed differently, create different impact, and thus need different considerations during use.

There is no “one way fits all” in kink.  Impact is no different than the larger framework.  We have to find tools which work for us, and in doing so, we have to make analytical decisions about what will be safe to attempt when using those tools.  Please discuss all risks with your partners prior to beginning, and know that mistakes can happen regardless of being informed about risk.  Please communicate and be conscious of limits with each person you may try impact with. Safety is imperative.

Tagged With: aftercare, bdsm, bdsm play, bdsm relationship, bdsm scene, dominant, fetish, impact play, kink, power exchange dynamic, submissive

Temperature Play vs. Chemical Play

October 27, 2021 By Joji Sada 3 Comments

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via stock.adobe.com

More than once, I have talked about definitions.  I have learned over the years that compatible definitions prevent miscommunication.  

It wasn’t until recently that I came to understand my definition of temperature play was not the same as the broader community.  To me, temperature play is any type of play that brings intentional hot or cold sensation to the skin.  In my experiences with temperature play, I have had wax, ice, anbesol, capsaicin cream, and icy hot used.  

For perspective, I need to express how sensitive my skin is.  I have three conditions that affect me the most.  

Cold Urticaria is an allergy to cold.  It causes intense itchiness, hives, and swelling of the skin that was exposed.  A cold glass (such as a drink with ice in it) can cause my hands to swell if held for more than 2 or 3 minutes.

Cholinergic Urticaria is an allergy to heat.  It causes intense itchiness and hives.  I rarely swell from the heat, but it happens occasionally.  I wear driving gloves in the summer to allow me to touch my steering wheel to drive to work.  A hot cup of cocoa or a hot plate of dinner are often too much to touch my bare skin.

Dermatographia (Skin writing disease) is a sensitivity of the skin that causes any kind of surface scratch (meaning no skin is broken) to turn into welts or hives.  Something as simple as nails across my skin can welt for a couple of hours and look like I was in a fight.

All three of these are treated with antihistamines like Benadryl.  I am allergic to those.

As I am sure you can imagine, my kink looks different than yours.  I know which sensations affect me more than others and Master will decide how we play depending on the condition of my body at the time.  Ice is the hardest for me to play with.  So, we do not often use it.  Cold is the second hardest since it takes me hours to warm back up.  We play with that more often (such as having the playroom cooled with a fan or AC).  It tends to intensify the sensations of impact without cold implements touching my skin.  

Now that I have expressed how sensitive my skin is, let me explain that I am allergic to most chemicals.  I have a specific body soap, shampoo, and laundry detergent I can use.  I often break into hives just by touching everyday objects that have minimal residue from other people.  

If you can hear the frustrations of testing the waters of temperature play over the years, then I am sure you are snickering at my misfortune.  Now, we simply shrug off the physical representations (like hives) and Master pays more attention to my body language and verbal communication.


Whew.

That was a lot of physical limitations to cover, wasn’t it?  Are you wondering how I function?  Don’t worry, some days I do too.

Master and I enjoy pushing ourselves.  Which, in turn, means people believe we play risky.  If you watch us scene, I often finish with excessive welting.  I refuse to allow my skin to prevent my ability to explore different types of play.

So, back to where this conversation started.

Temperature play.

Since my skin has such unique reactions to everyday items, I have always counted temperature play as anything that affects my skin.  Things like icy hot, which burn me, fall under “hot” sensations.  Things like anbesol, which can turn your nerve endings to ice when combines with a fan, fall under “cold” sensations.

I got into a debate with someone about my definitions.  “Because,” they said, “you are advocating for chemical play, not temperature play.”

Well, I had honestly never thought about it.  

But I had to ask myself one major question, “does definition matter?”

Between Master and I, this new categorization did not matter.  Why?  Because He and I are aware of my medical issues, and we adjust accordingly.  I am physically affected by both chemical and natural compounds.  So, what we call it isn’t that important as long as we play safely.

However, my definition does matter in regard to the education I provide to the local community. Temperature play and chemical play has different safety measures that should be considered.  

So, I am going to share with you some of the differences I have learned.

Firstly, both types of play fall under an umbrella term: Sensation Play.

Sensation play is basically any type of play that is intentionally meant to push the sensory limits of an individual.  This can include soft touches (like feathers), hot and cold sensations (such as the use of fire, ice, or wax), sharp touches (like pinwheels or needles), varying textures (like sandpaper), or the removal of one sensation to enhance other sensations (such as blindfolds or noise cancelling headphones).

If we are being honest, I would say 75% of play can fall under this umbrella.  So, the key is that Sensation Play is about intent.

Then we have Temperature and Chemical play.

Temperature play is the use of naturally occurring items (like ice) that cause the body temperature to rise or fall.  This can be an entire body experience (such as playing outside in inclement weather) or localized to singular spots on the body.

It has been specified to me, by a couple of people, that I am no longer allowed to consider urine/water sports as temperature play.  It, apparently, requires its own negotiation and classification.

It is generally expected that the temperature changes need to happen on bare skin, but I am not opposed to the idea that playing naked in 20-degree weather or playing fully dressed in a sweat suit in the summer, falls under this category.

**Please beware of the hazards of heat stroke and/or hypothermia if attempting the aforementioned ideas**


For the following discussion, please understand that I do not advocate the attempt of this type of play, nor do I advocate the use of any of the chemicals listed, on anyone beyond myself. I use the acronym P.R.I.C.K (Personal Risk, Informed Consensual Kink).  You are all adults.  What you do with your partner and/or with your body is your responsibility.

Chemical Play is the use of chemicals to produce a specific reaction or sensation on the body.  The most common items are tabasco, icy hot, rubbing alcohol, peppermint/spearmint, and ginger.

The most fascinating aspect, to me, is that many of these items fall under more than one type of play.  

  • Rubbing alcohol, for example, can be lit (by either a source of fire or electricity) and now you may be taking part in fire and/or electrical play.  
  • Ginger oil would fall under chemical play due to its reactions with the excretions of the body.  But ginger root, which causes similar reactions, falls under food play.
  • Tabasco creates a similar burning that icy hot does.  However, because it is edible, it also falls under food play.
  • Peppermint/Spearmint can cause cooling, burning, or numbing sensations.  They can increase sensitivity in the mouth and genitals.  The sensation can come from chemical sources (such as mouthwash), natural food items (such as mints, gum, candy), or artificial chemical means (such as anbesol—which does not taste like peppermint but creates the same sensations).
  • By definition, wax is also a type of chemical play.  However, it is generally considered its own entity.

*Regardless of the type of chemical play you may decide to play in, I recommend testing your reaction on a small, generally non-sensitive patch of skin first.  The forearm or leg are a great place to start…before deciding to use it as lube.


Whether you want to delve into temperature play, chemical play, or any other type of play that crosses over, the most important advice I can give is to know your partner.  Beyond their limits, know their reactions.

Master and I are aware that many of the items we use will cause a reaction on my skin.  Hives are something that we most often just brush aside.  He knows to look for a reaction like dizziness or excessive lethargy to signify a more substantial reaction that may need medical intervention.

However, if anyone else is on his table, and he sees hives or welts (beyond the expected results of the type of play), he will call the scene and move into aftercare/medical mode.  

It is always important to include allergies when you negotiate.  As I mentioned above, hives are often treated with medications like Benadryl.  Benadryl, if given to me, causes seizures. I would rather deal with the hives and the itchiness than the seizures.  

My restrictions make me extremely cautious regarding pick-up play.  My style of negotiation (blanket consent) does not give me the personal freedom of experimenting with anyone outside of Master (or anyone Master chooses). These are my choices.

But, that does not mean you cannot experiment.  If you have medical issues, you need to remember a couple important points.

  1. Advocate for yourself.  Do not compromise your health.  Know your allergies, your reactions, your cures.  
  2. Medications taken and allergies (to medication or otherwise) should always be disclosed to your partner.
  3. Keep your emergency contact information within reach.  On the off chance that you become non-responsive, your play partner should know who to contact, whether 911 is necessary or not.
  4. Respect the preferences of your potential partner.  If they do not feel comfortable having a scene with someone with medical restrictions, respect that.  Patience is difficult, but your safety is worth it.
  5. Allow yourself to work within your limits for pick-up play.  I recommend pushing limits with a more permanent partner or one intimately familiar with your restrictions.

And, above all, know your partner’s definitions.


My name is Joji.  I am 29 years old currently and I have been in and around the kink community about 15 years.I am a collared submissive to Magick42.  I am also a Daddy to a wonderful babygirl, and have been for more than three years now and I find it very fulfilling.  I am being mentored in and being taught electroplay.  I am a masochist at heart and thoroughly love impact play, especially caning.  I enjoy reading anything I can get my hands on and am a die hard Harry Potter and Doctor Who fan.  I am also the secretary for a group in Idaho called Moscow S.P.A.R.K.E (Simply Providing Another Route to Kink Education).  It is our mission to teach safe practices to those new to the community and give them a safe haven to ask questions and learn without judgement.  We accept all kinks and all we ask in return is respect between all our members.

Tagged With: bdsm, bdsm community, bdsm medical play, bdsm play, bdsm relationship, bdsm scene, dominant, fetish, kink, submissive, temperature play

Video: Halloween Scene Ideas For Pets and Littles

October 20, 2021 By Evie Lupine 2 Comments

Get into the spooky, kinky spirit with Evie!

Click below to get some awesome Halloween scene ideas!

Halloween BDSM Scene Ideas (for littles and pets!)🧡🖤💜

Tagged With: bdsm, bdsm play, bdsm relationship, bdsm scene, dominant, fetish, kink, littles, pets, submissive

What Is Aftercare?

October 13, 2021 By Christmas Bunny 2 Comments

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As more and more new people join the Kink Community on the edges and middle of the pandemic, the more I realize how little knowledge some are stepping into this world with.  I recently wrote about pain processing in kink.  Today, I want to briefly discuss the aftermath of a scene.

When we say the word scene, generally we are talking about an agreed-upon period of time between two or more people, wherein they perform some negotiated kink experience.  It may be impact, it may be needles, or humiliation, or any one of a number of kinks that people share.

As I discussed in my post on pain, the body of the receiver in this event is likely experiencing some chemical side effects, brought to them courtesy of their brain.  Adrenaline and endorphins are a potent cocktail.  When the activities we engage in trigger those chemical responses, it can be a heady experience.  Often, the person who has experienced them will be slightly euphoric or “spacey” afterwards.  Some people refer to “subspace,” but I prefer more scientific explanations of what is happening.

Because that can be a sensation that feels different for different people, some find it disorienting.  Others feel “loopy” or giggly.  Some will need to come out of that headspace gradually, while others prefer a more abrupt return to reality.  The period of time after the scene has ended is often called aftercare.

Aftercare looks different based on who you ask.  Some people want a blanket and cuddles, some want a stuffie and chocolate.   I want a high five and to be told I was a good girl.  Some take an hour to gradually ease out of that headspace, others want to giggle away in a group of friends.  In some cases, people may prefer that aftercare be administered by someone they didn’t scene with, such as a friend or relationship partner.  It is important to include negotiations for the kind of aftercare you need when you are discussing a scene with a potential partner.

If you don’t know what you need for aftercare because you are newer to this, it may be a part of your journey which requires experimentation.  Ask yourself following a scene what would bring you comfort.  Prepare for many scenarios, such as bringing a favorite comfortable item of clothing to change into, an emotional attachment object, a protein bar, or a sugary snack you enjoy in order to give yourself options when the time comes.

If you are a more experienced kinkster and know that you’ll be having a scene with less experienced players, perhaps consider packing an emergency aftercare bag with some basics in it, in case it is something they aren’t familiar with, or don’t know yet what they need.  It isn’t a terrible idea to have things on hand that help others.  That’s part of why I always carry a mini first aid kit with me to the dungeon, despite it having three available.  My band-aids are cuter.

Please remember, even though there are tops who will hand you off to someone else for aftercare because it isn’t their thing, the important part is finding healthy ways to transition yourself back to life as the chemicals leave the body – and keep these things in mind for the possible drop following after the chemicals break down even further.   What you need is what you need during this process.

Knowledge is power, and by understanding what we need on our kink journeys, we give ourselves an amazing gift.

Tagged With: aftercare, bdsm, bdsm play, bdsm relationship, bdsm scene, dominant, fetish, impact play, kink, power exchange, self-care, submissive

How “Total” Power Exchange Is Manifested

October 13, 2021 By Dame TylerRose. 2 Comments

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There’s been a lot of yammering about the “total” part of total power exchange, and a lot of “whatabout” ism as people try to prove that total isn’t total at all.

People seem to think that the “total” in TPE means the dom is making every single decision every single minute of the day, and those decisions are all about the extremes of life and death matters. They seem to think decisions made must be to the detriment of the sub/slave half of the dynamic.

What they fail to see is that it also means the sub/slave is doing what the dom wants without having to constantly ask for a decision or be threatened with punishment. TPE requires obedience on the part of the sub/slave. If the sub/slave won’t obey, there is no power exchange. Disobedience/noncompliance is keeping control. Obedience/compliance gives control.

The dom/master/owner gives the rules and the sub/slave/property obeys them. That’s the power. It’s not about the teeniest little thing being dictated. It’s about doing things how the dom wants them to be without pitching a bitch about it every single time. It’s knowing “this” is what they want…and fulfilling their wishes.

You know he doesn’t like rye bread. So you don’t make his lunch with rye bread. Do you have to be told a thousand times that he doesn’t like rye bread? No. He told you once and you remember. You can buy it for yourself if you want, unless he decrees he doesn’t want it in the house. If he doesn’t want it in the house, don’t fucking buy it.

THAT is the T in TPE.

EW decided once that I was not to address anyone by any title. His decision was final. I abided by that decision regardless who didn’t like it. When there came a time that someone had earned my respect (Lon_RM, who I have come to regard as the father I wish I’d had) that I wanted to use the title in his name (MasterLon, at that point), I went to EW and explained. He agreed and the exception was made. The rule was NOT changed for anyone else.

It was EW’s decision to make the exception. There was another time when I had asked for an exception and he’d said no. I abided by that decision, whether I liked it or not. That is total power.

I asked EW to flog me long enough that I naturally fell asleep. He refused. I had to abide by that decision, because he would never relent and I was not to ask again. I had nothing to say about his decision. I was not given the luxury of an opinion on the matter. That is total power.

There was a night he’d forgotten his keys. He was already in Manhattan and did not have the time to travel half an hour back home and half an hour into work again. I had a full plate of food in front of me. A delicious corned beef supper. I had to put that supper in the fridge, get my shoes on, and take him his keys. There was no option for me to say “after I eat”. It had to be now because Master needed it NOW. There wasn’t a single second of complaint about it from me. This was my job as his sub: To do as he required. Period. He had that total power to command. An hour and a half later (because waiting for trains and walking blocks through neighborhood), I was back home and finally able to eat my supper at 9 o’clock at night.

Having “total” power also means having discretion over when to exert their will and when not to.

He knew he could insert his own ideas into my books. He could use that power if he wanted. He chose never to tell me what to write or how. He felt it would not be appropriate. That is discretion.

He could have told me what kinds of leather goods to make. He could have told me never to use skulls or upside down crosses if he wanted. He chose never to tell me what to make or how to make it. That is discretion. He did, however, greatly enjoy prototype day, and some of my innovations. He particularly liked the 3-sided, meatier handles.

He could have bent me over and fucked me during the most painful days of my period if he wanted. He chose mercy, and would sometimes jerk off onto my tits instead. All I had to do was kneel or sit there and hold my tits up. He chose not to cause me more pain and discomfort. He chose discretion.

There was a time we discussed a piercing or tattoo to mark me as his. Then he worked a season with the Freak Show from Coney Island hanging in Blood Manor. He came home one morning and declared that he would never get me pierced or tattooed. Ever. Didn’t matter if I wanted the piercing or tattoo. He had decided, and the matter was at his discretion in the first place. When the time came that I wanted a simple tattoo as research for a book, he allowed it because it was for my own reasons and not something marking me as his. When I asked, months later, if I could get it finished, he said no. I did not sneak out behind his back to get the tattoo finished. Because total power exchange.

He chose to allow me to learn to top others. He could have put a stop to it at any time. In the last couple years of our relationship, he let me go to spanking parties and receive. But there were rules for both. I could not touch the genitals of anyone. No one could touch my genitals. There was no kissing. No mouths touched me and my mouth touched no one. This was completely within his power to permit or refuse at any time, any party. Even if I was about to walk out the door, he could have told me to stay home and I would have had to obey. Because total…and at his discretion.

I didn’t ever intentionally disobey him on trivial things or for trivial reasons. He knew anything I did that was contrary to what he might have wanted was a “rock/hard place” moment and I made the best decision I could…in good faith.

Not once was his “power” diminished by any of his decisions. He chose when how to use his authority and exert himself…and chose when not. He made what he felt was the correct decision in the moment.

And I didn’t turn every decision into a battle in order to have my way. Pissing and moaning over every decision, undermining every decision or overriding them and doing whatever the fuck I wanted, would have undermined the entire TPE dynamic. It would not have been “total”.

TPE meant he decided and I abided. Period.


TylerRose. is known as Dame Tyler in the NYC public SM/Fetish scene. She is an award-winning author who has written four “lifestyle”, four cartoon, and twenty eight fiction books. She’s been doing this bdsm stuff for 34 years and lived TPE relationships for 31 years.

Read her books on her Amazon page — https://www.amazon.com/TylerRose./e/B00HCPLSP2

You can also find more of her OP/ED work in Fetlife: https://fetlife.com/users/305828

She enjoys crocheting, diamond painting, and baking, and will no doubt die with a thesaurus open on her thigh.

Tagged With: bdsm, bdsm community, bdsm play, bdsm relationship, bdsm scene, dominant, fetish, kink, power dynamic, power exchange, submisison, submissive headspace

This week in kink: October 18, 2021

October 13, 2021 By Desdemona 2 Comments

Want to learn more about what it means to bottom?

Then, check out this riveting article from Refinery29!


Learn about the Uk’s oldest Pro Domme, Mistress Sofia from DailyStar!

Click below to find out more!


AnnaLynne McCord talks about how she uses BDSM to cope with childhood trauma.

Click below to read more from ET Canada!

AnnaLynne McCord Opens Up About Using BDSM To Cope With Her Childhood Trauma

Have some kinky news to share? Tell us about any upcoming BDSM events, new products, dungeon openings / closings, kink in mainstream media, and anything else you think kinky folks might be interested to hear about. Send your tips through to kinkweekly@gmail.com, and it might just end up on next week’s “This Week in Kink.”

Tagged With: bdsm, bdsm community, bdsm play, bdsm scene, bottom, femdom, fetish, kink, pro Domme, queer, Sex Work Community, sexual fantasy, Top

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