Kink Weekly

BDSM articles ideas bondage erotica resource

Home » sexual safety

sexual safety

Discovering New Kinks Through Tantric Massage

By 2 Comments

bdsm leather submissive collar
via stock.adobe.com

There are many physical and psychological aspects of kinks that many wait years to discover. Exploring your boundaries safely and consensually is of the utmost importance. However, finding someone open and willing to engage in excitingly erotic activities isn’t easy.

This is where tantric massage has much to offer. So what is it, how can it be used to discover new kinks, and should you try it?

What Is Tantric Massage?

The art of Tantra is centuries old. Ancient civilisations have used Tantra as a form of physical and spiritual healing, and it quickly gained a resurgence in popularity throughout the 1960s on the wave of sexual liberation. An indulgent massage makes for excellent foreplay, but tantric massage’s additional yogic and meditative qualities are excellent for exploring the body, mind and soul. So how does this relate to kinks?

Can Tantric Massage Help You Discover New Kinks?

There are numerous ways tantric massage can open you to a world of pleasurable possibilities that are just waiting to be discovered.

Creating a Safe, Consensual Environment

Expertly trained massage therapists who are well-versed in the tantric arts are masters at creating a safe space where you can openly express your sexuality. While you might keep your wildest desires to yourself most of the time, you’ll find incredible liberation in sharing your most adventurous thoughts without judgement. 

Helping You Explore Your Body

Kinks don’t often provide a direct route to sexual gratification, they’re much more nuanced than overt sexual acts. Taking the time to discover erogenous zones of the body can develop your understanding of the body. You’ll learn more about the places you like to be touched, how you like to be touched and the kind of stimulation that different types of touch can provide.

Tapping into Your Deepest Desires

In place of judgement-free enjoyment, new sensations can unlock your deepest desires for gratification. From a BDSM perspective, massage works both ways, either as a form of domination — where the masseuse or masseur is in total control of the activity — or, as submission — where the masseuse or masseur is responsible for pleasuring the dominant party through touch. In any case, you’ll be able to experiment with your partner, engaging in both roles to learn what you like most.

Opening Your Mind to New Forms of Pleasure

Being pampered and pleased is highly erotic and provides a direct route to satisfaction. For many, being tantalised and teased is equally enthralling. As you learn more about what you like, you’ll discover more things you enjoy. 

The Most Common Kinks Associated with Tantric Massage

Tantric massage is great for BDSM beginners or those looking to discover new kinks. A huge number of opportunities for different kinks emerge from engaging in a professional, authentic tantric massage. Some of the most common kinks to emerge are:

  • Orgasm Control — You can discover denying, ruining, extending or postponing orgasms through the variation of touch with an expert tantric masseuse or masseur. It relies on maintaining a high level of sexual arousal before, during or after a climax, sometimes achieved through techniques like edging.
  • Domination/Subordination — Through massage, domination and subordination are a dynamic that can emerge between two people. One person takes on the dominant role as the leader or enforcer of the activity, while the other — the subordinate party — assumes more of a pleaser or servant role.
  • Voyeurism — If you’re part of a couple, you can experience a tantric as a voyeur, watching your partner be massaged, reverse the roles and allow your partner to watch you enjoy the rapturous pleasure provided by the masseuse or masseur.
  • Feet Fetishes — The magic of the tantric touch can inspire all kinds of new, wondrous pleasures. There is an abundance of nerve endings in the feet, which makes a foot fetish one to explore through massage.
  • Lingerie — When adorned by your partner or a masseuse, the lacy fabric of lingerie can get your heart racing. It can start a new kink for you as it indicates powerful erotic intent.
  • Role Play — This can be linked to dom/sub relationships, but it can also be unrelated. You can enjoy enacting a fictitious scene with your partner, masseuse or masseur. 

Whatever your reasons for trying tantric massage, you should approach the activity with an open mind. You’re bound to discover something you enjoy!

Should You Try a Tantric Massage?

Whether you’re at the beginning of your sexual exploration journey or looking for something that will add a new, highly erotic dimension to your sexual escapades, trying a tantric massage with a professional is highly recommended. This way, you’ll learn more about the practice’s physical, mental and spiritual aspects enabling you to find more exciting and daring delights to try in the future.

Rose Colette Aston is a highly experienced tantric practitioner and holistic massage therapist. Drawing on her years of experience and training, she writes informative articles on a wide range of topics related to Tantra, massage, and other holistic well-being practices.

The Pursuit Of Peak Sexuality

By 4 Comments

sexy submissive hair pulling toilet slut
via stock.adobe.com

A while back while looking for my ideal partner, I wrote a piece called “I did the math”. The writing  examined the notion that just on the basis of numbers, that there were at the time, about 1200 ideal  possible candidates for me just on Fetlife. Out of that writing, I found my perfect partner who was  literally “made for me”, or as she put it, my “…Fairy Godmother did an excellent job”.  

Now that we have been together for 3 years, and now that we are quite literally having mind blowing  sex every day, I thought I would examine a different question. That being related to our pursuit of peak  sexual experiences.  

This is much harder to quantify, in that there is no real data to reference, but by inference, let me try to  determine how many of us are in fact, engaged in regular mind-blowing sex approaching peak sexuality.  

First let’s define what mind-blowing sex is. For us, it is entirely a function of our kink dynamic and that  we are in a 24/7 TPE where, over the past three years, we have distilled our sexual encounters to about  45 minutes to an hour of scintillating hot sex every time. We like to think that we have created pure  hotness that is the distillation of a 3-years inquiry into what gets us off. Now we are a Sensual Sadist  and a Sensual Masochist living a 24/7 TPE lifestyle. She is my collared 3-hole slut. We have had sex  practically every day that started with and includes an intense spanking that leaves her ass bright red,  with her cane marks from the weekend showing up as highlights. Beyond that there are some other  aspects that make it hot. We are deeply engaged in hypnokink (more later) and she is being trained to  have a “mouthgasm”. In addition to both of us giving the other oral, there is also analingus in both  directions and there is a lot of ass fucking. In fact, when we finally get to climax, we feel as if we are  quite literally one creature. Think about the creatures in the movie “Avatar” that join electrically and  share the same brain. When we climax together, me fucking her ass hard after lighting it up and brining  her to orgasm with my mouth and finger, and after she has brought me close to climax with her tongue  on my ass and her one hand holding my balls tight while she strokes me with her other hand, the  electrical energy is palpable. It is as if we are in the Matrix.  

So that is the sex, but what happens after must be taken into account as well. We are both completely  used up and need a while to recover. We are both in a lingering trance state, her a subby trance and me  a Dommy trance out of that encounter. All we can do is hold hands and smile at each other. No words  are possible or relevant.  

So on to the examination.  

First, I make the assumption that only kinksters can actually have ridiculously hot sex. You might quibble  with this assertion, but for the sake of argument, accept it as what’s so. As a result, we can eliminate  everyone who is not a kinkster. According to a 2005 survey by Durex, 36% of Americans use kinky toys  during sex, vs the 65% of university students that dream about being tied up, that from a 1999 study.  

So, the current US population is around 330 million, which means that about 118.8 million are engaged in kink.  

The second point of elimination is the question of simultaneous orgasms. I am using this as a criterion  because for us, that single moment is the essence of pure hotness. According to a survey conducted by “Uncovering Intimacy”, they determined that only 4% of couples experience simultaneous orgasms every time.  

So that means that only 4,752,000 kinksters are experiencing multiple orgasms.  

In essence this means that only 1.44% of people in the US are having both kinky hot sex and multiple  orgasms. A rare group.  

With that established, the question as to what is occurring arises. Let’s examine the chemistry. Being  with my partner and seeing her kneel for me ‘…unleashes a flood of neurochemicals including  testosterone, oxytocin, dopamine, and norepinephrine that have the impact of amping up feelings of  tenderness and attraction. Meanwhile, serotonin levels drop, and deep in the reptilian brain, the  caudate nucleus, associated with hunting and prey, lights up. This creates a “Herculean mating urge” as  an impact of being drenched in chemical that bestow focus, stamina and vigor driven by the motivation engine of the brain’ (Fisher).  

We quite clearly devolve into our most base animal natures as we experience screaming simultaneous  orgasms. We are left joined and panting as we come back to earth.  

This is all very well, but how does it translate into reproducible practice for the average person? This is a  much harder question to answer because there are just so many variables to consider.  

First of all, I did a bunch of work for like 4 years really examining what it was I was seeking. At the same  time, I explored all aspects of my kink as a sadist. I was lucky enough to have an array of partners,  submissive women, who challenged me to explore myself fully. Then, when I was clear about what I  wanted, I began to search for whom I wanted to explore my sexuality with. When I found Lady Petra,  she was in her own inquiry, and she did a lot of personal searching and self-examination as she asessed  her own motivations for well over a year. At some point during that year, we implemented a daily  maintenance spanking routine, which had the impact of accelerating our inquiry, and creating a very hot  sexual scene that occurred daily out of that spanking. This was at the same time massively enjoyable on  one hand and on the other, Lady Petra was able to explore herself as a masochist. She did this by  examining her response to different implements and intensities. That inquiry revealed that with the  correct implement, the heavy flogger, and the correct delivery, hard rhythmic strokes for an extended  period of time, she began to experience intense arousal and even orgasm. On a daily basis we played  hard. I like to say that we have over 1,000 iterations of our inquiry so far.  

What was revealed to us in our inquiry was the key to our search for real intimacy. And it was not until  we were both willing to truly be vulnerable that we were ablet to experience that “Kundalini  Awakening”, and it was only after that, fully two years into our dynamic that this experience started to  occur in a very predictable way. Prior to that, the experience would occasionally occur, but in a more  random fashion even though we were having hot kinky sex every day.  

In part, our recent new sexual freedom is a function of our Anal April experience where Lady Petra was  in virtual chastity for a month, during which time we only had anal sex every day, for the month. That  experience opened up her relatedness to has ass as a sex organ.  

Add to that the Hypnokink we are employing as a way to begin our scenes, and you have the formula for  reachable nirvana level peak sexuality. 

For us it has been a multiyear pursuit and now, with experience, skills, honed kinks and complete trust  between us, the access we have to peak sexuality is very real. Our experience has been described by  practitioners of Tantra as quite remarkable and approaching a state of cosmic energy, here is what one  such educator, Mystic Chick, had to say:  

”When you get into the space you [are] in with Lady Petra during that passage, it became an  intertwining of energies. But then it evolved into it’s own living, energetic being. When you  come together in that way, you are creating a special type of magic. It feeds and inspires  others by contributing to the Collective Unconscious. This impacts other’s encounters on a  very subliminal level. This type of energetic play can be healing for yourselves and others  This is because when you two are sexually engaged in this manner, the chakras are open  and Shakti (kundalini) is flowing freely. Shakti is the creative force that puts you in touch  with cosmic energy (which may be why you described your encounter with LP as “alien”)…” 

To create this experience in an even more predictable manner, we recently began to practice Hypnokink as I mentioned.  

ECSTASY – noun  

– an overwhelming feeling of great happiness of joyful excitement “there was a look of ecstasy on  her face”  

– an emotional or religious frenzy or trance-like state, originally one involving an experience of  mystic self-transcendence  

– an overpowering emotion or exaltation: a state of sudden, intense feeling  

Origin:  

– First recorded in 1350–1400; Middle English extasie, from Middle French, from Medieval Latin  extasis, from Greek ékstasis “displacement, trance,” equivalent to ek- ec- + stásis stasis  

Synonym Study for Ecstasy  

– Ecstasy, rapture, transport, exaltation share a sense of being taken or moved out of one’s “self”  or one’s normal state and entering a state of intensified or heightened feeling. Ecstasy suggests  an intensification of emotion so powerful as to produce a trancelike dissociation from all but the  single overpowering feeling: an ecstasy of rage, grief, love. Rapture shares the power of ecstasy  but most often refers to an elevated sensation of bliss or delight, either carnal or spiritual: the  rapture of first love. Transport, somewhat less extreme than either ecstasy or rapture, implies a  strength of feeling that results in expression of some kind: They jumped up and down in a  transport of delight. Exaltation refers to a heady sense of personal well-being so powerful that  one is lifted above normal emotional levels and above normal people: wild exaltation at having  finally broken the record.  

This particular definition is the most accurate in describing our experience: 

– “Ecstasy suggests an intensification of emotion so powerful as to produce a trancelike  dissociation from all but the single overpowering feeling”  

As I noted earlier, we find exploring our kink akin to being in a hypnotic trance state. It’s true, there is  ritual and structure to our sceneing that creates a hypnotic context that we sink into and enjoy as if we  are in a trance state. We describe the experience of our scenes as if we have unlocked the Master Level  of the “game”. The sex is amazing, and quite far beyond what either of us thought sex was for all those years.  

Inside of the hypnosis context, we created the notion of a “mouthgasm”, which we defined as an orgasm  that occurs when we engage in deep throat oral sex. Now there is some uncertainty about if she would  have an orgasm in her mind caused by being throat fucked, or if she would have an orgasm in her pussy  as stimulated by being deeply throat fucked. School is not out on that one yet. The very idea itself was  designed to make her into a real 3-hole whore.  

To set up the scene, she began mouthgasm training by using an Hitachi Wand to bring herself to the  very edge of orgasm before I plunge my cock down her throat and only when my cock is all the way  down her throat does she allow herself to cum. That is by using the Hitachi through the orgasm.  

The intention is to gradually stop using the Hitachi as my cock entered her mouth to see if she will  orgasm with the stimulus of being deep throat fucked. At this stage of her training, she still needs the  stimulus of the Hitachi to achieve orgasm.  

Now we are onto Phase two. We are being guided in our exploration of kink hypnosis with the help of a friend who practices the art.  

The first step is to put her into an hypnotic trance and see where that goes.  

This means that I am getting used to hypnotizing her. And she is getting used to being hypnotized. The  skill I am developing at induction is gradually making it easier to hypnotize her. At the moment she is  being hypnotized to experience any touch by me to be Hitachi-like in the way she experiences it. We  started by coaching her to feel my fingertips “vibrating with the power of the Hitachi” as I stroke her neck, arms, back and breasts.  

Next, she is being coached to feel that same sense of vibration from my cock as it enters her throat and  finally she is being trained to cum with the trigger of deep throat penetration by my vibrating cock along  with a simultaneous verbal prompt.  

Over time she will come to accept that deep throat penetration as a trigger for orgasm, and we can begin to remove the Hitachi from the equation.  

Then she will be a 3-hole-whore in reality.  

She is already experiencing mind blowing sexual ecstasy. Her expanding self-expression as a sexual  creature has given her access to a new level of climactic pleasure.  

And its only the beginning of the journey.  

My point is that we are on an inquiry of exploring how far we can take our sexuality and we have had  the experience of regularly achieving this unexpected outcome that quite honestly approaches nirvana. 

While I cannot claim that we have indeed achieve Peak Sexuality, we are very happily well along the path.  

References:  

https://aeon.co/essays/tantric-sex-promises-healthy-bliss-what-does-the-science-say https://www.uncoveringintimacy.com/simultaneous-orgasm-survey-results/ 

You can access the coaching services offered by Lady Petra Playground by reaching out for an initial  conversation- LadyPetraPlaground@gmail.com  

SafferMaster and Lady Petra offer Kink Relationship Coaching with online, group, and personal coaching options.  

Lady Petra and SafferMaster also produce the Kinky cocktail Hour podcast available on all podcast  platforms and here: https://kinkycocktailhour.buzzsprout.com/  

What’s The Difference Between An Orgy and A Gang Bang?

By 2 Comments

bdsm leather submissive collar
via stock.adobe.com

Gang Bang – one person is the central focus with several others fucking that person.Most people think of one room, one chick (guest of honor), and a buncha dudes. But there are gangbang nights at venues, with numerous women in attendance. They hit one of the beds at varying times through the evening. Some of the men will participate in more than one group.Most people also think the center person must be surrounded by partners with all the hands and mouths working. Personally, I prefer the “train” method. One after the other, take a number and form a line.The woman picks her crew, hits a bed, has her fun, and they all leave the bed when they’re done. The sheet is changed and ready for another group. The same woman may pick another crew and go at it again, two or three times, or more.While the party may last four or five hours, I’ve not personally seen any group encounter last much more than twenty minutes, for some reason. 

Orgy — “Do people walk into an orgy expecting anyone can do anything to them or that they can do anything to anyone?”
I’ve never seen an orgy at which anyone could do anything they wanted to anyone else. Consent still matters and, as I said, the events I’ve been to have been mostly heterosexual affairs. Bisexual men and women may be in attendance, but I’ve not personally seen man on man, woman on woman action. Or a woman pegging a man.

Sidebar: I’m not saying it doesn’t happen. Just that I’ve not seen it at the parties I’ve attended. (I’ve been to three venues and countless individual parties in the last four out of five years. The scene was put on hold for the plague.) Some venues have multiple rooms. I can’t be everywhere at once.I don’t attend bisexual or lesbian events, and heterosexual men aren’t interested in seeing man on man action. If there’s bi-action to be had, the het-men want to see two women together. Single het-men are the largest demographic at the parties I’ve attended. Since they pay the most to get in, they are the ones funding the party and making the promoter rich. Women are usually free to get in. If women were charged to get in, few would attend. (It’s called Gender Pricing.)If women don’t attend, there’s no party. 

Consent & Rules — Just because you’re in the big bed with 10 people doesn’t mean everyone can touch, fuck, suck, and lick every body part that comes within reach. Check the rules of the party before you attend. If you still aren’t sure, contact the organizer. Everyone has to mind your manners and ASK if they can touch. If they can suck. If they can fuck. If they can lick. If a couple is already going at it, you have to ask if you can join in. Some parties have a rule not to approach if people are already engaged, to wait until they are done and have left the bed to ask the woman if she would like to play with you. If you ask and the answer is no, then you don’t do that thing. Nor do you ask again. The answer was no. There’s no badgering allowed. There may be two or three beds pushed together to make a large surface, but there are also usually beds off to the side for those who don’t want to be on the big bed. A couple might have their play apart from the group. There’s no rule that everyone at an orgy has to be playing on the same bed or together. An orgy could also be a bunch of couples playing on separate beds. The definitions say: “wild or drunken festivity or revelry, especially involving sex with multiple participants” or “indiscriminate sex”. If we are to strictly follow the definitions, none of the “orgies” I’ve been to have been orgies. Because not everyone is drunk, and it’s not really that wild. It’s all rather orderly and not all that indiscriminate. They’re remarkably vanilla, straightforward sex with very little or no kink or SM activity, even when the venue itself is SM positive.
Excerpt from: The upcoming book Questions Frequently Asked About BDSM


This week in kink: July 5, 2021

By 2 Comments

Learn about the spicy Locked Down sex position from The Sun!

Click below to find out more!

Discover the inner workings of a Domme and her sub!

Click below to read more from Lovin Malta!

‘Always Address Me As Mistress’: A Peek Into The Life Of A Professional Maltese Dominatrix And Her Sub

Uncover the police station turned fetish club with WalesOnline!

Click below to read more!

Have some kinky news to share? Tell us about any upcoming BDSM events, new products, dungeon openings / closings, kink in mainstream media, and anything else you think kinky folks might be interested to hear about. Send your tips through to kinkweekly@gmail.com, and it might just end up on next week’s “This Week in Kink.”

Most Common Fetish Requests – Cam Models Experience

By 2 Comments

sexy feet in fishnets
via stock.adobe.com

You’d be surprised at how many cam girls aren’t in it for the money. A lot of them actually appreciate the fact that people open up to them, and some of their viewers can talk to them about pretty much anything. That being said, some of the most popular webcam girls confirm they get a lot of the common and sometimes weird fetish requests.

People don’t really admit to their kinks and fetishes often, usually because of a fear of being judged, but being anonymous on the web does help them open up. Have you ever thought about revealing your kinks to a random stranger who has very likely heard of them, and maybe experienced them and knows what they’re like? Well, a lot of the viewers do exactly that, which is why we’re looking at some of the most common fetish requests, straight out of the cam girls’ mouth.

BDSM

This is arguably one of the most popular kinks out there, and yes, BDSM is definitely popular in the camming world, too. You’re looking at a power exchange which is extremely sexual, between the viewer and the model, and that gets a lot of people’s sex drive going. This is why you’ll come across a huge number of cam girls that focus on BDSM streams to keep their viewers happy.

Copyright: Unsplash | CC0 Public Domain

But it’s not just the number of cam girls that focus on BDSM, it’s the variety and quality, too. There are Dominatrixes that will keep you in check and make sure you’re obedient, for example, and you’ll be surprised at how good of a job they do, even though they’re not technically next to you. Cuckolding, ballbusting, nipple torture – you name it, they’ll be happy to do it for you.

Feet

Some people look at it as a joke, but for others, it’s incredibly serious. It’s another one of the world’s most popular kinks, so it shouldn’t come as a surprise that it’s on this list. When it comes to feet fetishes, viewers tend to enjoy a lot of different things. Some get turned on by toenails, others are keen on the soles, but they want cam girls to do quite a lot for them. And they usually get their wishes to come true – many cam girls love it, too. Of course, you’ll need to tip handsomely for that to happen, but if that’s your thing, you shouldn’t mind spending a few bucks.

Tights and Stockings

When it comes to clothing, stockings and tights are the top choice. For many viewers the model doesn’t even have to put on anything special – a regular pair of stockings goes a long way. However, cam models that want to go the extra mile will go for something like silk or lace stockings, or maybe even fishnets – they’ve been a kink for a while now. And there’s another reason why cam girls love them, they’re easy to put on or off, and a tip will get you a long way towards getting what you want. While arguably less popular, tights are a popular request, too.

If you’re an aspiring cam model, many seasoned ladies recommend that you also add a matching pair of panties and suspenders when you’re going for stockings. This takes people to a whole other level of crazy, and if done with the right audience, can lead to you making a hefty amount in tips.

Copyright: Unsplash | CC0 Public Domain

PVC, Rubber and Leather

These three are fairly different from one another, but they do have a thing in common – they’re all very, very tight, and have a mesmerizing effect on viewers. PVC and rubber are the slightly less popular option, because they come with a smell that people adore, but can’t really feel through the webcam. However, leather is a very, very in-demand thing, which is why a lot of models have a whole dresser of leather things like trousers, coats and jackets, and a tip will very likely make them open up that dresser and put something on.

The problem with these clothing items are that they’re very difficult to put on and off, so if you’re not in the mood for a tip, you could look up some of the cam girls that focus specifically on these kinks and fetishes – they’ll drive you crazy before you know it.  

Lead by untamable lust for pleasure I indulge in sex and different types of adult work. I am a former stripper and occasional cam model. When I don’t engage I write about my experience and hot stories. Life is short so I plan on staying wild for a little while!

Kink and Ethical Non-Monogamy

By 4 Comments

poly family, ethical non-monogamy
via stock.adobe.com

We have interviewed many polyamorous kinky individuals. We recently interviewed a kinkster who  shared her story with us about how she and her husband discovered that they are not sexually aligned.  Let’s call her “L” She is kinky and he just isn’t. They tried to incorporate kink into their lifestyle and while  she discovered that her sexuality is wrapped up in kink, he discovered that his is not. So how they dealt  with it, because they are life partners, was to venture into the world of polyamory, (what I like to call  “ethical non-monogamy”). They went poly.  

Polyamory means many (from English) loves (from the Latin “amore”). Polyamory, the word, is in much  more use in modern times, beginning in about 1988 and being much more prevalent and in use today.  The notion of many loves led to the more accurate descriptor, that being “Ethical Non-Monogamy”. The  ethics in play implies that there is agreement between the parties to have multiple partners. Not all non monogamy involves loving relationships, whereas polyamory implies that there are indeed multiple  loving relationships. In this case, our protagonist, L, and her husband B are in a polyamorous  relationship. L’s lover does not have a relationship with B and B’s lover does not have a relationship  (beyond friendship) with L. In polyamory, the partner’s partners are called “metamours.”  

L searched for and found a Dom with whom she developed a long-distance relationship, they met and  agreed to a D/s dynamic. She calls her Dom her “Sir”. She and he engage with daily communication,  tasks, etc, in an attempt to “normalize” the physical distance between them, while at the same time, her  husband, “B”, has found a local girlfriend and so they are now happily in this poly dynamic where she  gets her kink fix when she can, and he gets to explore his vanilla relationship with his girlfriend when he  can. It’s a very elegant solution. They love each other and they set out to create workability in their  relationship by creating an ethical non-monogamous solution, and they are both happier as a result.  

So, lets talk about this elegant solution to their relationship dynamic and all the ways it could have gone pear-shaped.  

First, when a couple discovers that they are not sexually compatible, its often the end of the  relationship. This couple did the adult thing. They talked. If polyamory is about anything, its about  communication. She had longings for kink and B did not, so he encouraged her to seek out a Dom and  she began that process online. They talked about what she discovered and what was pulling her toward  the kink dynamic and being confident in her love for him, he was able to say that he would be ok with  her scratching that kink itch with another man. Eventually, the time came for her to meet her Dom in  person. She realized that she had formed an emotional connection with him and she wanted to  experience herself as a sexual submissive. She craved it. They agreed to meet for a weekend in a central  location being that they live in different states.  

This is the point that most relationships that are attempting to open up simply fail. Most men cannot  stand the idea of their mate being sexually satisfied by another man. It has the potential of being very  emasculating. And yet, they agreed that she should indeed meet her Dom to see if this idea of  polyamory was or could be workable. It took a lot of courage on both of their parts to take this decision.  But their relationship was solid and the stepped into the wilderness. At this point, in the world of ethical  non-monogamy, what you have here is a 3-person conversation where there is agreement all around as  to what is important. The Dom was not willing to meet unless the marriage itself was stable and secure.  The marriage being stable and secure allowed the couple to have confidence in and certainty about their relationship as L went off to experience her first kink experience with this new Dom. They met for dinner  first and got to know each other in person beyond their phone calls, skype and chats. Only then did they  agree to play (in kink, scenes are called “play”) that she would submit to being used by him. They had  their first scene, and then she went back to her husband to debrief.  

This began a process of self-assessment for both him and her, and as L became more emotionally  involved with her Sir, talking on the phone every day, being tasked by him and so on, B began to feel  space developing, and by coincidence, he met a local woman with whom he had much in common and  with L’s agreement, B started to date his new gal, let’s call her “J”.  

So now you have a 4-way conversation that looks like this Sir-L- B – J. The secret to this polycule is that B  and L are in good communication, have a great relationship, and love each other as life partners. B and J  have a loving relationship that is going on 2 years now and Sir and L have a loving relationship that while  being long distance, allows Sir and L to explore kink to each of their personal satisfactions.  

The key to this dynamic is that L and B are deeply connected, in communication, and love each other as  life partners. This allows both B and L to explore sexuality and relationship outside of their committed  marriage in a true polyamorous manner that lives up to the idea of ethical non-monogamy.  

The secret to polyamory is communication. In a world where there is space between the couple,  polyamory is a path to relationship destruction. It’s only where there is no space and the couple speaks  openly and honestly about what they want and what’s missing that allows them to even discuss opening  their marriage and put polyamory on the table.  

Consider that there can be poly dynamics that do not involve sex. There are kink relationships that do  not involve sex either. In fact, among asexuals, polyamory is often the relationship model of choice with  many of the same challenges that sexual relationships have, especially where there is a partner who  wishes to have a sexual relationship. Polyamory is a natural and quite popular solution. In non-sexual  relationships, non-monogamy requires communication to the same extent as in sexual relationships.  

Where non-monogamy and kink intersect often is that there are multiple opportunities in play spaces  (pre-covid and soon to be post covid) where in a dungeon, a couple might invite an expert to play with a  partner. For example, sounding him while his partner watches. These are ethical non-monogamy  interludes that do not rise to the level of polyamory.  

All non-monogamy requires that precautions be taken to avoid transmission of STD’s when sex is  involved. Fluid bonding is a thing that really should be agreed to by all the parties. There should also be  a regular testing paradigm so everyone involved can be confident that they are not engaging in  excessively risky behavior. This is especially true in non-poly open relationships where sex is the point.  Swinging for example. Swinging is naturally an ethical-nonmonogamy construct and like much of  consensual play in kink, swinging can be risky and safety agreements should govern fluid bonding. This  goes for sharing of toys for instance and using clean condoms before sharing toys with a non-fluid  bonded partner.  

Kink and non-monogamy go together often. Ethical non-monogamy means that there are agreements in  place and that the ethics of non-monogamy are governed by those agreements. Can a couple exist  where one member of the couple is kinky and one is not? Absolutely. Can a couple exist where one  member of the couple wants to do things that are “hard limits” for her partner? Absolutely. Can a couple exist where one member is asexual and the other deeply kinky? Absolutely. All of these scenarios  can and do exist and they exist inside of agreements which in turn requires communication. It comes  down to this. If you do not ask for what you want, you will never know if your partner would agree. He  might, and if he does not, at least you are in communication and there is a chance you can negotiate to  an agreement. Kinksters are used to negotiation. That is the essence of the D/s dynamic. Having an  ethical non-monogamous relationship is a natural outcome of a conversation where you ask your  partner to do things to you that they are not comfortable with.  

As long as there is trust and love is present, anything is possible.  

SafferMaster and Lady Petra offer Kink Relationship Coaching with online, group, and  personal coaching options.  

You can access the coaching services offered by Lady Petra Playground by reaching  out for an initial conversation- LadyPetraPlaground@gmail.com  

The Patreon is also a way to sign up: https://www.patreon.com/LadyPetrasPlayground  

Lady Petra and SafferMaster also produce the Kinky cocktail Hour podcast available on all podcast platforms

Exploring Casual Sex While Being Demisexual

By 3 Comments

sexy women in lace on bed blindfolded
via stock.adobe.com

Sexuality is a broad spectrum. Everyone has different preferences regarding dating and being intimate with others, but some groups of people show certain common grounds. Many of them don’t necessarily feel the need to be labeled, but being part of a group can help us find our own voice for many of us. 

Labeling various aspects of our sexuality can help us identify our needs and desires and share them with the community. It allows us to find other people like ourselves. However, some preferences may be confusing even to people that define themselves as those. 

What exactly is demisexuality? Can demisexuals enjoy casual encounters? How to manage your physical craving without a long-term relationship? Here, you will find some information that will hopefully help you answer those questions. 

Demisexuality

Humans are sexual beings. The vast majority enjoys various kinds of sex, as it is no longer just a matter of procreation but a healthy way to relieve stress, have fun, experiment with new feelings, etc. While some can enjoy masturbation, their silicon wives, or random sex with strangers, not all people can and want to do those things. 

Demisexuality is one of the sexual orientations where people feel sexual attraction to someone only when they have an emotional bond with that person. At the same time, they can be gay, straight, pan, bi, and they may have any gender identity. 

Contrary to some beliefs, the bond demisexual people need to enjoy sexual encounters doesn’t need to be love or romance. For many of them, friendship will be more than enough. 

Right now, you may think, “but don’t many of us wait to have intimate relationships after we create some bond?” Yes, but for demi people, it’s not about choice. They don’t do it because they want to, but because they won’t feel sexual attraction until after they befriend someone. They are not simply people who decide to date someone before having sex. 

Casual Encounters

Seeing their friends hooking up in bars and having a good time with total strangers may be annoying for demi people. Most people need physical closeness from time to time, but some don’t want to engage in serious relationships. 

Being the only one who goes to a party with friends and goes back alone isn’t nice. You never have any wild, fun stories to tell in the morning, and you can feel like you are too picky and that your friends perceive you as a prude. Nevertheless, have you ever had casual sex that you enjoyed? If you didn’t have casual sex at all, do you want to?

If the answer is “no,” then you don’t have anything to feel weird about. Sex with strangers, especially after alcohol, can be really awkward, and lots of people lie that it was wonderful, just to feel better. You can always fulfill your physical needs in different ways. Doing it by yourself has many benefits, including getting to know your own body. 

Friends With Benefits

Friends with benefits is a fantastic way to have someone you can be close to with no strings attached. It is also a perfect arrangement for demis. Platonic friendship or love is also the connection that may allow demisexual people to have good sex without long-term relationships. 

If you don’t want to ruin your social circles, you can look up people on the Internet. There are sites designed especially for looking for friends with benefits, and putting your sexual preferences on your profile page can help you avoid people that want something different. 

Having a platonic sexual relationship will allow you to explore your sexual side without distractions and fights that usually couples have. You can try various things and techniques and see what you are into. 

However, there is a tricky part of the FwB relationship that people tend to forget. If you want it to work, you have to remember that you are not a couple. It can get really awkward if one person “catches” feelings and the other one doesn’t. You have to establish clear ground rules of the arrangement and follow them thoroughly. 

The Bottom Line

Demisexual people will indeed have a harder time finding relationships with no strings than others. However, in most cases, it can be done. There is no reason for demisexual people to be abstinent when dating is out of the question. You can have sex for any reason, from physical need to the mental need of closeness. It is important to take your time and find someone you will have a good time with, so you won’t end up hurt or in an uncomfortable situation. 

Remember that you don’t have to do things that make you feel awkward just because other people are doing this. You can take everything at your own pace. Embracing your sexuality can help you feel better and accept yourself just the way you are. 

Maze is a lifestyle writer, dominant in life, submissive in other activities. She participates in shibari workshops and works as a BDSM model for both workshops and photoshoots. Her writing focuses on positive sexuality, and her goal is to educate people on safe sex, kinks, and accepting your whole personality. Maze wants to see a world where no one will be frowned upon for expressing themselves or their hobbies.

His Luck With The Irish

By 2 Comments

dominant man and beautiful submissive in car
via stock.adobe.com

Albert had walked the coast of Innis free several times on family vacations. This was the first time he had done it alone. He parked the rental in the familiar parking lot along the road to Kerry. It was early, the grass was slick with dew and only few horse and carts were waiting for the tourists to experience riding in a trap. 

Even though it was early summer he wore stout hiking boots a pair of well-worn jeans and layers of T shirt sweatshirt and vest for the 5K hike along the water’s edge. His footfalls echoed on the pavement as he made his way towards the shoreline. Passing through the black wrought iron gate was like walking backwards in time. Flat grey stones on a heavy forest floor had been worn almost smooth from the hundreds of hikers that passed this way every day. Although it was a bright day the temperature under the canopy of deciduous trees was somewhat dimmer. The bird song and rustling of leaves in the wind we’re the only sounds in the world. Albert knew the road wasn’t that far away geographically but here now the modern world was a lifetime away. He traveled along at a fair pace passively observing the world around him. Until he came to a break in the shrubbery and Bush is that separated The Walking path from the water. There were a half dozen large stones in the water that one could hop out onto and get a better view of the entire Lake. Albert cautiously hopped out on the first stone checked its steadiness and continued out for three more. Taking a few pictures and fondly remembering skimming stones here when he was a kid. 

When he was back on the path he remembered playing in these Woods and wondering where the fairies lived. At one point he came to the edge of a large dip behind a group of trees it was covered in Moss and Ivy. it looked like the place he always imagined magical creatures lived . If he had never climbed the rock, he never would have known that there was something hidden below. He climbed the tree and sat on the big branch that overlooked the vale.

He cracked open a can of ale that he had purchased on his way this morning. He looked at his watch and thought beer for breakfast. Although the weather was fine, and the morning had come on he had heard no other hikers. Albert had the world to himself. A couple of times the light flickered through the trees and danced across his vision like fairy wings sparkling in the moonlight. Albert finished the ale convinced himself that the fairy tales were getting to him and continued his walk.  When he arrived at the Manor Lee house and gardens he figured out where all the tourists had gone. They all had driven straight to the attraction. Something his parents had never done when he was a kid. 

he found a lovely piece of grass between the house and the Lake where he could have a picnic. He said on his vest and laid out the sandwich fruit and cookies that he had picked up at the petrol station that morning. 

Kelly watched the lone picnicker with great interest it wasn’t very often that you saw single men at ancient homes on weekday mornings. She laughed herself as she watched him unpack his knapsack and layout his entire lunch. From where she was trimming hedges, she could see that he had not expected the sun to be hot. The back of his neck was bright red and very obviously sunburned. his here was soft curls that whispered the edge of his sunburnt skin. Kelly imagined holding an ice cube in her mouth as she soothed his sunburn and slowly undressed him. He was alone he didn’t seem to be in any particular hurry and she figured any fuck will do as a lunch break. She tossed her tools into her canvas bag and made her way over to the picnicker. 

She extended her hand and in the most beautiful Irish lilt said. “it seems you’ve got a wicked burn on the back of your neck. Did you not put sunblock on before you started your adventure this morning?” She had the sun at her back so as Albert looked up all he saw was a giant hand close to his face offered by a large dark figure. 

As he spoke, he felt the back of his neck and grimaced at the idea of how that was going to hurt tonight. “I walked along the water and was in the Woods most of the time, so I didn’t figure I’d need anything on.” He looked around the shadowy figure towards the main house Ann queried, “do you think they sell sunblock inside? I’m sure if they do it’ll cost me an arm and a leg.”

“I know for a fact that they do and yes, it is an arm and a leg as you say, but I have some I’ve been more than glad to share.”  

He arose from his lunch and extended his hand, “I’m Albert, from Canada.”

“Kelly, from backdown the road,” she said taking his hand and giggling as she spoke. They flirted mercilessly and chatted mindlessly for several minutes. It took some pretty heavy flirting for Albert  to notice the continuous touching of his arms and holding his attention before. He looked at her bag and realized it was a canvas tool box and that she was wearing jeans with deep Brown stains in the knees and polo shirt with the parks logo on it. Playing it safe Albert said, “oh you work here am I keeping you from anything?”

Kelly took the opening slid her hand into the crook of his elbow and said all I have to do this afternoon just show you a good time.” Responding to the innuendo in her tone Albert laughed and asked her if she wanted to get out of there. 

They gathered up their things and headed to the employee parking lot. Kelly offered to drive him back to his car or they could go do a little bit of sightseeing. Albert asked if she knew of any nice hikes they could go on. She thought for a moment. 

“Do you wanna do some of the sheep fields, and go hillwalking or do you want to see some really great waterfalls? “

“Take me to see your waterfalls.”

As they drove further away from where he had started this morning he noticed the number of tour buses that they now drove by. They had only driven for about 30 minutes when she pulled across the road and parked next to a River. 

“Make sure your boots are done up. We’re going to walk along this River up to a couple of sets of waterfalls and if you’re up for it the view from up above the second waterfall is pretty amazing. She opened the trunk of her car tossed in everything that had been in the back seat and changed her own shoes. She tossed an old blanket at him and asked him to put it into his knapsack. they made their way on to the path nodding in greeting tourists as they began to climb the narrow trail the Hill beyond the path was a field of sparsely planted trees with a bed of moss and ferns. Kelly was a few paces a head and looked back often to make sure he was still with her. 

“so do you figure that the fairies from ferns?” He asked trying to be funny, But failing miserably at it. she groaned and took his hand to drag him along the path a little quicker. 

“My God you are slow come on!” she dragged him and picked up the pace as they came to the first waterfall. They had great fun playing fashion shoot and taking pictures of one another like they had known each other forever. She stood close to him and touched his face asking if he wanted to keep going. He kissed her on the cheek and bowed his head granting her permission to take the lead. She stepped off the trail and walked diagonally through the Ferrier firm that he had just asked about. The climb was steep and required all of their energy. It was well afternoon as they emerged into a clearing and away from all the noises that had filled his head. 

She took the knapsack from his back and set up the blanket at the end of edge of the forest. Albert scanned the views trying to take in all the shades of green and stillness that he so rarely got to experience. When he turned around Kelly stood on the blanket completely naked. Not being one to look a gift horse in the mouth Albert smiled a stupid grin and began to undress. With awkward enthusiasm they approached each other and kissed for the first time. Albert was completely aroused at the sight of this woman naked and willing. 

He held her ponytail drawing her chin up as he worked his way down her body her skin smelled sun kissed and tasted a little salty. Making his way towards her treasure trail to a soft trimmed mound of ginger. He maneuvered himself to be able to caress, kiss and massage her inner thighs. Not touching her sacred centre until the first moan rose from her throat and her fingers knit their way through his curly locks. In short order her body responded as she tilted her pelvis grabbed his head and pressed her clitoris towards his mouth. She was wet in anticipation of what was to come. As he sucked her clitoris, he slid a single finger deep within allowing his other fingers to extend towards her ass. With a practiced hand he began to edge her towards an orgasm. Utterances of protest for standing were met with a second finger and more intense finger fucking. as her orgasm built she brought one leg over his shoulder and began to rock against his tongue until she gushed and her knees went weak. Wanting to torture her a little longer, He withdrew his fingers but continue to play with her ass as he blew cold air on her clitoris. She had no choice to lie down unless she wanted him to stop. As the second orgasm began to build with this variation on a theme she actually physically separated and beg to lie down.  

As she stepped back she realized just how well-endowed Albert was. Not only was he every bit of nine inches he had to be one of the thickest cocks she had ever seen. He was completely erect, and his engorged penis was a deep crimson. Kelly looked at him in surprise and said, “Oh my God that must hurt!” he laughed and replied, “it’s not a bad kind of hurt; however, if you want to give him some attention a little bit of relief I’d be cool with that or if you like you can call your fairy friends.” he laughed and flicked his head towards the forest as though expecting a group of winged fairies to come flying through the trees.

she sat on the blanket and pointed to the darkest part of the forest. “Call the King of the fairies and see what he’ll do for you.” 

“is there anything special I need to say?”

“No, but do be polite you don’t want to get dragged off just pleasured.” she leaned back on her elbows and tilted her head towards the forest as if to encourage him to talk to the fairies. Enjoying the silliness with this stranger he threw his arms in the air and with wild abandonment called the fairy King and asked to send out his best fucking fairies to take him away. 

Kelly laughed as the late afternoon sun warmed her skin. Albert joined her on the blanket where they continued to explore.  As they continued around the bases Kelly caressed and touched his penis with a sense of trepidation. Although she was completely engaged in their fun, she touched his cock like she was afraid of it. Feeling rather full of himself Albert asked her if she was afraid of his little friend. Her laugh was nervous and her smile broad as she commented about there being nothing little about his friend the two of them dissolved into laughter as he rolled onto his back and offered her free inspection. She moved herself to sit cross legged between his legs with his penis completely engorged and ready to be abused. He wasn’t sure if she didn’t know what to do or if she was shocked by the size so he decided to be amused and watch her Explorer her sensual self. While her attention was focused her touch was unpracticed. She kissed and licked the top of his penis like an ice cream cone. He ached for her to grab his balls and take her to the back of his throat. When she took the entire head and sucked on it as she worked the shaft with her hand he lost focus and went along for the ride. His eyes closed made sunspots in his eyes as he felt the sun prickle and dance across his chest well Kelly gingerly explored his response is to her attention. At several points Albert attempted to see if the giggles he heard were from Kelly or perhaps a lost hiker. Kelly moaned licked and sucked occasionally making eye contact if a grown or curse word escaped Albert mouth. Albert enjoyed the attention and maintained focus until she had withdrew her attentions. 

He opened his eyes to see Kelly holding a condom and asking, “would you care to fuck me?”

He took the condom from her and definitely applied the sheath. She mounted his cock and lowered herself about halfway she stayed there for what seemed like the longest time just squeezing the muscles and moving the smallest amount. She held in the squat position until Albert took her by the hips and pressed her into his groin. When she was completely filled with him she placed her hands on his shoulders and began to rotate ever so slowly purring and moaning as his throbbing cock initiated another orgasm as she rocked Albert imagined fairies settling in for an evening show. He closed his eyes and raised his hips to match her rhythm the build was slow but the sensation was one he wanted to hold on to. He could feel the sun dip below the trees as he rolled her onto her back in order to finish with a solid proper fucking.

With her legs wrapped firmly around his hips Albert varied his speed and timed his fucking until her nails dug into his shoulders and she froze at her climax. He didn’t stop moving completely he just softened the intensity and let her ride her wave of ecstasy. As she started to come down from her orgasm, he pounded her hard and fast bringing her to climax again before he came inside of her. The two cuddled together slipping into sleep almost immediately. 

When the sun had dipped completely behind the trees the chill in the air woke the lovers from their tender sleep. Afraid to lose their way in the darkness they dressed quickly said very little and made their way back down the hillside. 

They made small talk and used their phone flashlights to find their way back towards the trail. They called out to some lights they had seen ahead assuming it was other hikers. But the lights did not get brighter, and nobody called back. Albert noticed the rise and Ivy on the trees look very much like the area he had passed that morning, a fairy vale. As they approached the rustling leaves and birdsong were replaced with chittering and indiscernible voices. 

“It seems we found the fairies?” Albert’s voice was like an icy blast through warm summer evenings, It shattered the silence that had been with them since they awoke. Kelly put a finger to her lips and motioned for him to be quiet. 

“It’s too late to tell him to be quiet now we know he’s here,” a voice said. They looked around but could not see where the voice had come from. Before they could speak flicks of light on shiny wings fluttered in front of their faces. It seemed as though the fairies we’re real. 

Albert awoke hearing the brae of a horse. He was in the driver seat of his car dressed, his T shirt was gone, and a four-leaf Clover sat on his dashboard. It was early morning, had he dreamed the thing? He was to embarrassed to ask the people milling about what day it was. He started the car and drove away.

Kink Safety: Zoom & Telegram Precautions

By 2 Comments

handcuffs, sex on the bed
via stock.adobe.com

Even as some states are lifting lockdown restrictions, there are some digital aspects of the pandemic I hope stick around. Telegram has been an awesome way to connect my local community, and this time has spawned a web of chat rooms with a variety of subject focuses, as well as chats for various local groups to just talk about their day or discuss random kink topics.  Additionally, while there is no substitute for trying things in person, I have attended some truly excellent kink educational events via Zoom over the past year.  For classes ranging from consent and negotiations to first aid for BDSM, all the way to a class on face needles, the Zoom camera gave me access to a much better view of some of the up-close details I wasn’t often able to see when attending class in a dungeon.  Additionally, it has meant I could attend classes held in other communities with the click of a button, despite being hundreds of miles away. 

Unfortunately,  these new accounts and technological connections also give additional opportunities for kinksters to slip up and disclose more personal information than intended.  My goal is to help walk y’all through some small privacy precautions that will hopefully keep you from flashing full names to the kink world at large.

I often see newcomers join Telegram making a couple of key mistakes.  The first is using their name rather than choosing a screen name.  The “name” option is your display name, not the @tag people will use to search you.  If you plan to use it for vanilla purposes, you can choose something innocuous.  If not, I suggest disabling search functions so contacts in your phone who are already users of Telegram or who join later won’t run across your kinky self chatting up a storm. 

So here’s how.  Under settings, go to the “privacy and security” tab.  Under phone number, check “Nobody”  can see you and only people you add to Telegram as contacts can search you that way.  Under the main tab, turn off the function to sync contacts from your phone, as well as the one to suggest frequent contacts.  I also advise selecting the option to delete already synced contacts if it has done this without you realizing it.  For phones, you can edit your display name by clicking the three dots on an Android phone.  Choose a display name that isn’t your vanilla first and last name.  As an additional suggestion, consider listing your preferred pronouns.

For Zoom, prior to joining a meeting, make sure any identifying information you don’t want to share is edited first.  To change your display name from your full legal name, go to the “My Account” tab.  Click on “edit” and change your name.  IMPORTANT:  Don’t forget to change it back.  My family knows what I do for a living and wouldn’t blink an eye if I joined a chat as Christmas bunny, but if my fet name were 69slutpuddle69, I suspect my family might have something to say.  My employer might have even more to say. 

Alternatively, have a separate kink email address and Zoom account that you log into for kink events.  Again, don’t forget to log out, or just make sure not to click the check box asking if you want to stay logged in.  It requires thought and consideration to protect yourself digitally.  While mistakes can happen, it is important to be deliberate and careful if you want to avoid accidentally outing yourself.

When I host Zoom events for kinksters, I always watch the waiting room tab so that if someone forgets, I can edit their name for them to an innocuous first initial.  You can usually edit your own name during a Zoom meeting my clicking on the three options dots on the right hand corner of your own video screen, or through the participants window when it is pulled up.

Unfortunately, not everyone who hosts a meeting will have experience doing so, and the delay in response time means more minutes passing with your full name exposed to people you didn’t intend to share that with. 

Please, please, please take the time to learn how to be safer online, whether or not these digital mediums continue to flourish in the future.

Christmas bunny has been exploring kink since she was legal to do so. Her serious writing started in college, where she accidently got some of her papers published in educational journals. She has recently expanded her writing to include her kink journey. She began writing in the physical realm, but shed some of her inhibitions and began sharing those entries with others. She now keeps an active blog of her personal growth and her relationship with her Master / Daddy Dominant and writes helpful educational posts on a variety of subjects.

Sexualizing Your Dynamic

By 4 Comments

sexy female submissive getting blindfolded
via stock.adobe.com

From the time I was sexually active I was always surprised when I dated a girl who was as sexually active  and as horny as I was. I was raised in a home with a prude for a mother, and sex was never, ever  discussed. It was not as if sex was made to be bad or dirty, it just was never ever discussed. So, I grew  up very horny but not really aware of or clear about how girls saw, thought about or experienced sex.  My high school experience was mostly mashing with girls at parties. It was here that I had my first kiss  and felt up the breasts of one or two girls, and it wasn’t until I had almost graduated high school that I  had my first actual sexual encounters, close to 18 years of age. My early sex life was more of a hormone  driven desperate desire to ejaculate, than an exploration of sexuality. That only happened later.  

In college I got lots of pussy, and for the most part it was a continuation of my adolescence expressed as  20-year-old rookie vanilla sex. I had one secret weapon though. My older sister, who was nine years  older than me, once shared with me when I was perhaps 9 or 10 years old, that I “should always please  my lover before I please myself.” I didn’t really understand what she was on about, but even so, I took  that to heart and by and large, over time, I became adept at eating pussy and withholding my orgasm till  my lover climaxed. Then, in college, I dated my first serious girlfriend, Maryellen. She was a 25. I was 19.  She was very sexy and very sexual more than that, she was the first girl I dated that unabashedly  worshiped my cock. She loved sucking my cock, she took pictures of my erection on the beach, and she  really made me feel a little uncomfortable about how much she was into my cock. At the time, I was a  bit embarrassed about her obsession if I am honest. Looking back though, I can see how things might  have gone differently if I was more aware of my sexual power which only emerged for me later in life. I  went from girlfriend to girlfriend in college, until I eventually at 23, I dated, lived with and then married  my wife at age 26, and for those 3 years and the next 3 years our sex life was about the same as before –  uninspired vanilla sex. You might say that as regards my sex life, I had an almost certain predictable  future. Then at age 29 we started having kids and my sex life came to a sputtering halt. The future I was  living into changed entirely from boring and intermittent, to barely active at all as regards my sex life.  What this meant for me was that for about 20 years, I spent my nights lying in bed next to an otherwise  sexy blonde who was nursing and mothering her 4 kids, and who had no real interest in sex at all. I was  left to fantasize to porn magazines and movies I rented from Blue video, while I masturbated, imagining  a kinky submissive who loved sex as much as I did as my forever partner. It was the old Woody Allen  joke “the problem with my sex life is that it only involved one consenting adult.” I joke about it now, but  it really was painful. I suffered the loneliness that accidental celibacy produced for me. My “love  language” is “physical contact and genital sex.” Hers was “service”. We were as sexually compatible as  chalk and cheese are alike. Out of desperation, I found women from time to time to engage with  sexually, and through this process, I more or less interacted with my fantasy women “Submissive sluts  who worshiped my cock” by doing so. What made this difficult was that the women I encountered were  deeply sexual and so unlike my wife that I was ready to leave her time and time again. This was an  unsustainable condition. Naturally, my wife and I ended up getting divorced.  

After we separated, I set about deeply exploring my sexuality. And I found myself dating ever more kinky  women and I got to take a deep dive into my kinky fetishes. I found that I was into BDSM and I identified  naturally as a Top or Dom. I also found an outlet for me my sadistic nature in the world of sexuality. I  was genuinely surprised at the number of women I encountered who willingly and happily gave me their  consent. It was truly mind-blowing. 

I spent the next few years contemplating the women I was with, and what occurred for me was this. I  was searching for the “perfect partner” for me. I conjured up out of nothing the idea that I lived with a  collared submissive slut in 24/7 total power exchange. I created the possibility in my mind that such a partnership would result in a deeply loving and committed dynamic where we were sex forward and  kink forward and that she would choose me to be her Master gifting herself to me ongoingly, and that  inside of that dynamic, the intimacy that I had been missing my whole life would naturally occur.  

My intention was to collar my submissive slut and to live with her while as her full self-expression as a  completely sexualized 3-hole slut. What I mean by this is that without any effort, she authentically sees  herself as my imminently desirable, always available sexual creature who orgasms during impact play,  and has earth shattering, powerful orgasms, especially during anal play. I require her complete discipline  and devotion as a sexual creature and partner. I can happily report that Living with Lady Petra has been  and continues to be the fulfillment of this intention.  

The process of sexualizing my slut requires ongoing training and committed effort on my part to achieve  the desired outcome on a gradient. At the same time, my slut needs to be coachable, willing and  interested in being fully self-expressed in service to her Master as his owned and collared submissive  slut and masochist. In short, she belongs to me, and it is up to me to make sure that her service is  rewarded and encouraged. I am 100% responsible. At the same time, she is also 100% responsible for  creating the relationship on a daily basis. For example, she kneels for me in a perfect Nadu pose to  indicate that she is ready to be used. This is her choice.  

We had a conversation about sexualizing the dynamic on our podcast the Kinky Cocktail Hour – here is  an excerpt of that conversation:  

“SafferMaster:  

… that is what this podcast is about. Is this broader question of how do you sexualize a dynamic? And  this (wearing clit jewelry all day) is an example of how you sexualize a dynamic. What I mean by that is in  any relationship, sex can be something that happens between a couple regularly or intermittently and  life gets in the way in the middle. Right. And I can imagine certainly from my own experience, I imagine  from other people’s experience that oftentimes sex gets put to the side and in a dynamic where there’s  a power dynamic occurring of any sort or a D/s dynamic of any sort. The question is “how do you keep  the context of the dynamic sexual” and you, and I both believe in a healthy sexual context, we are in a  sex forward, kink forward dynamic, that was what we created, and in a healthy sexual dynamic, the  CONTEXT is sexual, it is not just the sex that is sexual.  

Lady Petra:  

Right, right. Oh, I mean, yes, there are all different things happening in a scene. However, I feel  throughout our scene-ing, it’s all sexualized. And I mean that because for me, if, if you’re flogging me,  I’m cumming.  

SafferMaster:  

Right. 

Lady Petra:  

And you’re usually stroking your cock and things like that. And when I’m caned, I’ve cum before and  then of course you in the way we do that as cane and then you fuck my ass, that kind of thing. And it  brings that context. So we just, we stay like really connected to that context all the time  

SafferMaster:  

In a scene.  

Lady Petra:  

Yes.  

SafferMaster:  

I’m arguing that there’s a broader context to our dynamic that’s sexualized.  

Lady Petra:  

Yeah. I agree. I agree with you.  

SafferMaster:  

And what I’m arguing is that there’s a way to keep the dynamic sexualized so that the sexual scenes are  [always] really exciting and hot and you don’t have … get up for them.  

Lady Petra:  

Well, I definitely think the way we foreplay.  

SafferMaster:  

yes, as an example,  

Lady Petra:  

All day long or two days ahead or whatever.  

SafferMaster:  

Yeah.  

Lady Petra:  

I think that’s a perfect example of creating, um, excitement and intensity and a readiness to in your head  versus not knowing what’s happening next. What there’s, this is one thing I noticed just based on the  dynamic we’ve created we’re sex forward. So we play all the time. 

SafferMaster:  

Yes.  

Lady Petra:  

You know, and, but we also have lives and work and stuff. So we tend to use the early part of our day to  wake up and to get going with our days. And there could be sexualization happening there, but that’s  kind of what’s happening. And then we save the latter part mid, mid to latter parts of our day as  sceneing.  

SafferMaster:  

Yeah.  

Lady Petra:  

You know, but in that whole day there’s sexualization. So if you think about it, you’re, you’re I get up  early before you, cause I need to go to the gym and I need to go do some stuff. And my work hours are a  lot earlier than yours. And so I get up and I do normal things, dynamic tasks, things, things that make me  responsible for myself wellbeing and for the households wellbeing, what have you. But then I send you a  picture of my marks,  

SafferMaster:  

Right  

Lady Petra:  

So that’s sexualizing, you know, you know what I’m saying? And lately we’ve added picture of my toes  and occasional add a picture of me kind of a fun, sexy type of picture with me right before we’ve even  been face-to-face in the morning.  

SafferMaster:  

Right.  

Lady Petra:  

And then, you know, of course we make time to be affectionate when we greet each other in the  morning, we don’t take that for granted that it just, who we are, you know? So we make sure to do that.  And then throughout the day, we’re both responsible for greetings and for acknowledgement in an  affectionate sexual way with one another,  

SafferMaster:  

right.  

Lady Petra: 

You also have given me tasks to do edging tasks or have explained when you go on your walk and I  prepare myself what you expect me to do to prepare,  

SafferMaster:  

right.  

Lady Petra:  

Uh, that may not be the normal thing we do. It would be additional stuff. Or if you have a specifics on  how you present yourself, you also then know there are times when you’re giving me freedom that you  don’t know what you’re going to come home to. You might come home to me appearing any way, any  which way, which is an excitement for you.  

SafferMaster:  

Sure.  

Lady Petra:  

You know, you going on your walk, knowing I’m getting prepared is sexualizing that time that you’re  away.  

SafferMaster:  

It’s very difficult to have a walk, try to listen to my book knowing that you are home getting prepared ..,  I’m going to get home to a horny slut, presenting herself to be used. It’s hot.  

Lady Petra:  

Yeah.”  

In this back and forth, you can see that my collared slut is all in. She is 100% committed to the dynamic.  She has been trained to present herself, she has been trained to cum with flogging and caning. She is a  trained ass whore. She does as instructed in order to please me sexually. For example, when she kneels  for her flogging, she arches her back and presents her ass and leans into the flogger. She may get 300 or 400 strokes and she is dripping wet with her juices running down her legs having experienced multiple  orgasms, and her ass is red hot after her flogging. Because I like fucking her red-hot ass, she likes having  her ass red hot for me to fuck. She is fully enrolled and registered into her role as my collared submissive  slut and all that that entails.  

Keeping the context sexualized had not only enhanced our relationship, but it has kept our dynamic healthy too. Take this text exchange last week  

Me: I think today would be a good day to wear your clit Jewelry  

LP: Thank you Sir 

Me: And while you are at it, use the Hitachi every 30 minutes on your swollen clit to make yourself cum 

LP: Yes Sir, thank you Sir  

She then sent me a message every 30 minutes to let me know she had completed the task she was  assigned. On occasion I went into the adjacent room to kiss her and fondle her breast while she  masturbated with the Hitachi. By the time I used her later that day , she was a “soupy mess” as she put it.  

Remember, I spent over 30 years in a relationship where there was no broader context to keep the  sexual aspect of our relationship present and alive, and now, I live in a D/s dynamic where the context is  fully sexualized all the time.  

She is a service slut, so part of what fills her cup is to serve. She is fastidious and committed to making  our home beautiful. She supports my cheffy nature by being my sous chef and by keeping the kitchen  clean. All of this “domestic activity” plays into her nature as a service sub and on top of that she is  deeply submissive to me and chooses me to submit to.  

My self-expression as her Dom includes a commitment to keeping the dynamic highly charged with  sexual energy. It is working out perfectly.  

When I look at how I spent the 30 years before I met her as compared to the time since I created this  dynamic with her, it is shocking to consider that this highly charged sexual dynamic was always within  my grasp, and at the same time, just out of reach the whole time. It was really the absence of a willing  partner to make it all come together.  

Today, my view is that sexualizing their dynamic is the most worthwhile step a couple can take to bring their dynamic fully into alignment.  

SafferMaster and Lady Petra offer Kink Relationship Coaching with online, group, and  personal coaching options.  

You can access the coaching services offered by Lady Petra Playground by reaching  out for an initial conversation- LadyPetraPlaground@gmail.com  

The Patreon is also a way to sign up: https://www.patreon.com/LadyPetrasPlayground  Lady Petra and SafferMaster also produce the Kinky cocktail Hour podcast available on  all podcast platforms