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Kinky Sex vs. BDSM

October 24, 2020 By Baadmaster 2 Comments

male dom having a conversation with his female submissive
via stock.adobe.com

With so many couples bored indoors because of the pandemic, many are looking to add some spice to their life other than watching the latest Zombiefest on AMC.  I have gotten many questions similar to the following one, so I figured it is time to give some friendly advice on the matter.  So here it is:

Reader: My partner and I have played with kinky sex, but what do we have to do to take that to BDSM?  What are the differences?

Many people, including me, came to this lifestyle after experimenting with kinky sex and then wanting to take the leap into BDSM.  This is to be expected; if you experiment in one area of play – sex – why not try out other arenas?  This step is not a big one in and of itself.  As the old Chinese proverb states, a journey of a million miles begins with just a single step.  For many kinksters, that first stride may have already been taken – a little spanky-spank!  If you are already a sexual adventurer (or adventuress), chances are you have done at least a little spanking.  And, if you haven’t, you should make spanking that first step.  For one thing, you already have the spanking implement of choice readily available — your hand.  No trips to the BDSM store needed.  No instructions necessary.  Just beat and eat!  (Groan….)

Each step you take brings you closer to integrating BDSM into your “kinky sex and play” journey.  For example, if you find spanking is adding excitement to your kinky sex sessions – then just “follow the yellow brick road.”  This road leads to an array of toys that will add even more spice and variety to your spanking scenes.  Learning to use a flogger, a paddle, a cane or any number of implements is not difficult to do.  Buy a flogger.  Buy a riding crop.  Buy a paddle.  These items can be ordered online, won’t bankrupt you and are easy to master.  Just settle on a safe word and play.  

Start gently and hit harder over time and let the safe word be your guide.  This is not rocket science.  It is a stepwise entry into a lifestyle that will dovetail seamlessly and effortlessly into your kinky sex world.  These first steps alone – hand spanking, flogging, caning, paddling, cropping — can keep you entertained for years.  (Hopefully the corona virus will be gone by then!)  If you want to take it further, or if spanking is not your cup of tea, entry into many other forms of BDSM play is as easy as A.B.C.

Step A.  Just find those pictures on the Internet (kinkweekly.com, fetlife.com and youtube.com are great sources) that turn you on.  Your body will tell you what gets you hot; no need to think too much!  For example, if bondage pictures excite you, add immobilization to your spanking sessions.  Just buy some rope (the Home Depot is open) and tie your submissive’s wrists to the bedposts, and voila — instant bondage!  If you are not a natural at using rope, then use leather wrist/ankle cuffs and a bunch of metal karibeeners to get the job done.  (Karibeeners are those spring-loaded aluminum locking links that are used for mountain climbing; easy on, easy off.  I used them recently (until the dungeons closed) for many of my bondage scenes.  Once the bottom is immobilized then go to step B.

Step B.  Emulate the techniques used in the photos/videos that get you hot.  If putting nipple clamps on the breasts of the bound submissive does it for you, nipple clamps it is.  If the submissive is blindfolded, use a blindfold.  If the bottom is wearing a ball gag, then use a ball gag.  (In this particular case, agree on a safe signal.)  Which leads to C.

Step C.  Use your imagination.   Be inventive in your BDSM play.  Experiment.  As long as you are playing safely, you are playing correctly. 

Step D.  Add D/s play into your repertoire. This is easy – especially if one in Dominant and the other is submissive. Obedience and punishment are the basis of this interaction.   

As to the differences between BDSM and kinky sex, I haven’t a clue.  Remember, you can have a BDSM session without any sex at all – kinky or otherwise.  Or, you can combine them.  Or, you can even mix vanilla sex and kinky BDSM.  Any and all combinations are possible.  You might say that kinky sex and BDSM are like that steakhouse chain’s slogan, “No rules, just right!”


After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.

Tagged With: bdsm, communication, fetish, kink, kinky sex, negotiation

This week in kink: June 11, 2018

June 11, 2018 By Desdemona 4 Comments

hooper-crypto-120Dirk Hooper Professional Photography-http://www.dirkhooper.com/

Be sure to check out Dirk Hooper’s amazing photography in this week’s issue!


About Dirk Hooper

Dirk Hooper is an award-winning fetish photographer, professional writer, audiobook narrator, podcasting producer and host, journalist for the fetish community, BDSM mentor, and adult personal branding and marketing consultant for Sexy Networking.

 Dirk Hooper won Best Fetish Photographer at the 2017 Fetish Awards in St. Petersburg Florida. As a fine-art fetish photographer, Hooper’s work has been exhibited in England, the Netherlands, Belgium, China and all over the United States.  His work is part of the permanent collections of the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University and the Leather Archives and Museum in Chicago, Illinois. Dirk Hooper’s work has been published in magazines like Skin Two, Von Gutenberg, Fet Erotica and Sinical Magazine.  His work was published in the German hardcover art book “Fetish Fantasies: The Best of International Fetish Photography.” He has done professional photography for bands, books, posters and the adult film industry.  Hooper co-founded the alternative modeling site Toxic Goddess.  He offers his photography services for portraits and commercial projects.

 Hooper’s articles have recently been published at Business Insider, Inc. Magazine, HuffPost, Slate Magazine, The Sporting News, MSN Sport, and Quartz. He has won the Quora Top Writer award for the past two years. He has also been published as a comic writer, a poet, and performed numerous copywriting assignments for professional and private clients. He is currently working on an erotic novel and a non-fiction book about social networking.

Dirk Hooper is the Host and Executive Producer of “The Fetish Show.”  He has also recently launched a new podcast about success and inspiration titled, “The Dirk Side.” Hooper has been podcasting since 2005 and has produced hundreds of hours of shows over several networks. His first audiobook narration was for the Suzanne Steele novel “Glazov.”

  Dirk Hooper does journalism for the BDSM and fetish community through The Fetish Show News, FETISHWEEK articles, the Daily Fetish Chronicle and freelance writing.  Hooper’s award-winning website, http://www.DirkHooper.com features a gallery of his work, informational articles and is the home of “FETISHWEEK.”

 Hooper’s inspiration for his work is an extension of his interests and experience in the BDSM and fetish community.  He is a BDSM mentor and has helped guide or train both dominants and submissives.

 Hooper works as a consultant on personal branding, social networking, SEO, copywriting, design and marketing through his Sexy Networking business at http://SexyNetworking.com.


hooper-convince-102Dirk Hooper Professional Photography-http://www.DirkHooper.com

Learn how to be an ally to the Sex Work Community during these difficult times

Click here to learn how you can help


hooper-crux-104Dirk Hooper Professional Photography-http://www.DirkHooper.com

 Kinky sex can dramatically improve your life

Click here to find out more


hooper-vermilion-104Dirk Hooper Professional Photography-http://www.DirkHooper.com

Leonne Zeegers becomes the first gender-neutral Dutch citizen

Click here to read more


hooper-hardcoreh-105Dirk Hooper Professional Photography-http://www.DirkHooper.com

Bondage equipment for your dolls can now be purchased on Etsy. You can now make your own Dominatrix Barbie!

Click here to learn more


hooper-filament-121Dirk Hooper Professional Photography-http://www.DirkHooper.com

New to kink? Not new but want to brush up on skills or just enjoy a play party with fresh energy?  CLUB AWAKENING is what you’re looking for!

Club Awakening is a party that was designed for newbies in the BDSM scene.  It’s been a monthly party since March 2016 at Sanctuary LAX. This party includes 4 set tasting booths plus one surprise booth each month.  The set booths are hands on play (spanking, face slapping, etc), crops/canes/paddles, flogging, and rope. You can either feel what these things feel like as a bottom or learn how to do these things as a Top – or both!  We even have several volunteer practice bottoms to lend a helping hand (aka butt) so you can practice even without a play partner. Other volunteers float the venue to answer questions and help point you in the right direction.

There are also 2-3 vendors and a midnight raffle – with multiple prizes to win!  We provide a coat and bag check for a nominal fee as well as a fun photo booth where you can get pics taken of you and your friends to commemorate the night!

You can get DISCOUNTED pre-sale tickets or pay at the door! (see below for links)

About the venue:

Sanctuary Studios LAX is proud to have been named “Best Dungeon in Los Angeles” by TimeOut Magazine – February 2016

Sanctuary LAX is a Los Angeles dungeon located within close proximity to LAX. It features a state of the art, air-conditioned facility completely rebuilt from the ground up under the direction of Mistress Cyan. Formerly known as Passive Arts, Sanctuary Studios LAX is the largest Dungeon in Los Angeles with more than 7000 sq ft. and a 1500 sq. ft. main room. The location features many rooms (both large and more intimate), high ceilings, and a large variety of dungeon furniture.  It is complete with an outdoor smoking patio and a stage in the main room with plenty of seating.

Facebook event page: https://www.facebook.com/events/617624521917307/

Fetlife Club Awakening Group page: https://fetlife.com/groups/138431

Fetlife event page: https://fetlife.com/events/670384

Pre-sale DISCOUNTED TICKETS: https://awakeningjune2018.eventbrite.com


Have some kinky news to share? Tell us about any upcoming BDSM events, new products, dungeon openings / closings, collarings, kink in mainstream media, and anything else you think kinky folks might be interested to hear about. Send your tips through to kinkweekly@gmail.com, and it might just end up on next week’s “This Week in Kink”

Tagged With: Club Awakening, Dirk Hooper, dom, gender, jenn masri, kinky sex, power exchange, sanctuary, Sex Work Community, sex workers, sub

This week in kink, May 14, 2018

May 14, 2018 By Desdemona 3 Comments

question-2736480_1280

The difference between assault and kinky sex and how it relates to the Schneiderman case. Click here to read more.


bondage-2294243_640

Meet “Mistress Alexa- the robot Dominatrix. Click here to find out more.


woman-2696408_640

New York sex cult’s leader states that branding was consensual. Click here to continue reading.


Portrait abaout a beatiful woman who showing money

The ins and outs of Financial Domination. Click here to read more.


Have some kinky news to share? Tell us about any upcoming BDSM events, new products, dungeon openings / closings, collarings, kink in mainstream media, and anything else you think kinky folks might be interested to hear about. Send your tips through to news@kinkweekly.com, and it might just end up on next week’s “This Week in Kink”

Tagged With: assault, branding, consent, dominatrix, financial domination, kinky sex

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