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Curios about Electric Play?
Want to know more about playing safely?
Never heard of Electric Play?
Then, be sure to check out this informative video brought to us by Depraved Eros! This week he tackles everything Electric Play and teachers viewers how to perform this type of play consensually, ethically, and safely.
Click below to find out more!
Most things including The Porn Industry have been altered due to the Covid-19 Crisis.
This week, New Statesman gives us the skinny on the rise of OnlyFans during the pandemic and what that means on a grander level.
Click below to find out more!
Dutch News reports that all non-consensual sexual acts will now be considered rape.
In our opinion this is great news because rape and/or molestation can be so much more than violent sexual acts and/or attempts. Rape and molestation truly come down to non-consensual sexual behavior.
This is definitely a step in the right direction. Click below to find out more!
For so many BDSM can help with PTSD, anxiety, OCD, etc.
This week, Huff Post brings us a story about how Kate O’Kelly used BDSM to take control of her life after her assault.
Click below to learn more about this powerful story!
Have some kinky news to share? Tell us about any upcoming BDSM events, new products, dungeon openings / closings, kink in mainstream media, and anything else you think kinky folks might be interested to hear about. Send your tips through to kinkweekly@gmail.com, and it might just end up on next week’s “This Week in Kink.”
The pandemic has affetced so many businesses, events, and local hang outs.
With this being said, more queer and alt places are being forced to close and/or adjust their operating protocols.
Click below to read a riveting article on this matter brought to us by Reader!
Sadly, being a kinkster hasn’t been widely accepted yet. Many still remain igorant to how much kink and BDSM is rooted in consent, communication, and honoring boundaries.
Jerry Falwell Jr. was forced to resign recently from his leadership role at Liberty University due to kink-shaming.
Click below to find out more from Progressive Secular Humanist!
Foot fetishes are booming in India’s virtual spaces.
Sex workers post foot pictures and conduct live streaming foot shows for clients.
Into foot fetishes? Curious about them?
Then definitely check out this interesting article from ThePrint!
Have some kinky news to share? Tell us about any upcoming BDSM events, new products, dungeon openings / closings, kink in mainstream media, and anything else you think kinky folks might be interested to hear about. Send your tips through to kinkweekly@gmail.com, and it might just end up on next week’s “This Week in Kink.”
This article is for all you fellow sadists out there. All of us who love to cause pain to others. Who bite our lip as we watch someone’s toes curl, face wince, tears run. Those of us who enjoy the screaming, begging and moaning of our partners.
This article is for all you fellow sadists who carefully plan your scenes. Who learn our partner’s limits and play just on the right side of them. Those of us who like to scare people when we haven’t even touched them…yet!
But above all this article is for you fellow sadists who have doubts, insecurities. Who have wondered if there was something wrong with us because of what we enjoy. Those of us who have questioned ourselves and if our kinks are okay.
Most of us learnt what sadism was long before we learnt about kink, and we learnt sadism was a negative thing; sadism is cruel, wicked, hateful even. To be a sadist is to derive sexual pleasure from the pain, suffering and humiliation of others. Most of us are raised to understand that to do any of these things to another person is a bad thing, and can only ever be a bad thing. There was no provision made for the possibility of a sexual, consensual connotation to sadism when we were learning about right and wrong.
Throughout our lives we develop our sexual identity: new kinks grow, old kinks fade, we lust for more types of play, we relax into roles, but rarely are we static in our kink identity.
I began exploring my kinks in my early 20’s. At first, as with most people, it was all about exploring, discovering what I enjoyed, and what various partners also enjoyed. Often there were just two of us involved. Two consenting adults exploring mentally and physically what we could derive pleasure from. This was relatively straightforward. I enjoyed tying people up, so I found people who enjoyed being tied up, simple!
Bondage seemed simple, I would restrain someone in some way, and then do something pleasurable to them. However, it then became complicated by those partners who wanted pain mixed with their pleasure. What made it even more difficult was the fact that I found myself enjoying causing that pain!
Suddenly I discovered that when I was causing someone pain a third person entered the room.
I discovered this third person quite by accident while exploring my sadism. I would be playing with someone, we would be exploring an element of sadism and often they would be asking for more. I would be wanting to do more, but then the third person would butt in and throw questions at me!
“Are you sure she is actually enjoying it?”
“What if you hit too hard, or in the wrong place?”
“Is it really okay to enjoy this?”
“Should she be enjoying this, maybe there is something wrong with her and I am taking advantage?”
This third person gave voice to all the insecurities of someone new to the responsibilities of being a top. It was the voice of someone who had not been educated about the nuances of consent. It was the voice of my other self, the one that doubted me and even judged me.
At first I was angered by these intrusions. They interrupted my flow, made me second guess not just myself but also my partners. I wanted to ignore it, but the more I tried to ignore it the louder this third person got.
After ignoring it didn’t work I realised I had to engage with it and that is when I learnt the most important lesson: This voice can work for us, or against us.
We do want to approach sadism gently, for our sake and for the sake of others. When we first start to walk we are prone to falling over, it is the gate at the stairs, the hand that catches us, the sofa we cling on to, all of these are the things that stop us from hurting ourselves too much when we first start. We take things slowly because we are made to, we don’t know any better yet.
That voice, that third person, is a caring voice, it is encouraging us to stay safe, and by extension keep safe those who we are with. We do not need to treat it as an antagonist but there comes a time when we do have to be firm with it.
There is a time when we can walk, run, dance and the stair gate is now just in our way, the hand that once caught us is holding us back. We need to be able to turn to that third person and recognise that it has helped us, it has kept us from hurting ourselves, but in a firm voice we have to declare that we have outgrown it.
We can only be comfortable with who we are when we are able to reconcile with that voice, to tame it and take it inside. Let it become caution, not doubt, let it be experience, not questioning.
Grow with your third voice, learn from it, but also take control of it.
Sadism is not bad, hurting people is not bad, causing someone to scream is not bad, when we do it with fellow consenting adults! That is the mantra that eventually tamed my third voice. Everytime the old questions would come up I could now answer them.
“Are you sure she is actually enjoying it?”
Yes. I trust the person I am playing with, I trust that they have told me the truth. I know we went through her Yes/No/Maybe list.
“What if you hit too hard, or in the wrong place?”
Then I will apologise, I will make sure she is okay and I will try to be more careful. I will also practice more so that I don’t make the same mistake.
“Is it really okay to enjoy this?”
Yes. I am an adult playing with another adult. My responsibility is to us, and only us. I don’t need to justify what I enjoy to any outside element.
“Should she be enjoying this, maybe there is something wrong with her and I am taking advantage?”
No, I am not taking advantage. We have sought each other out because of a common interest and the fact that we reflect each other’s kinks.
I had to learn the answers to these questions and practice answering them every time they came up. Until the third person piped up less often, and finally not at all.
Satisfying that third person is what can let us focus on what is really important when being a sadist; the two people in the scene, you and your partner. Those questions are no longer a distraction, we know the answers and give them before the voice can even ask. The questions have become part of the mental checklist of care that we run through proactively before a scene.
We don’t fight the voice, rather we find what is valuable in it and make it a positive thing for us and our partners.
I am now grateful for the voice that expressed all those concerns. In fact I would be more concerned if I didn’t have them at the beginning. The fact that I had those doubts, those worries, reassures me if I ever think that having morals, caring about people, wanting good things for others, is incompatible with being a sadist.
I do not need to be perfect to be a good sadist, and I don’t need to be perfect to be a good person. I am imperfect and have lots to learn, but I have learnt that I can be a sadist and a good person.
So back to you my fellow sadists, you are good people who do “bad” things with others, and they love us for it. Be “bad, be “cruel”, be “wicked” and then give your play partner a great big hug after and feel good about it.
Will Hunt has been involved in the UK kink scene for the last 10 years; running clubs, teaching workshops, performing and generally encouraging naughty behavior wherever possible.
https://fetlife.com/users/2976273
Need to spice up your relationship?
Curious about Shibari?
Has the pandemic brought to light that you need new ways to connect?
This has proven true for a lot of couples during these uncertain times.
With this being said, The Shibari Academy has brought couples closer together as it teaches people how to engage in Shibari safetly.
Click below to read more from PRNewswire!
Aftercare is often only thought of when engaging in BDSM and/or kink-related activities.
However, many people that engage in the more vanilla sexual actitivies may want and/or need aftercare as well.
Click below to learn more about this potentially essential aspect of sex from Well + Good!
Domme recently brings sub on leash into LA market.
This became somewhat viral and a discussion on consent/whether it is appropriate to bring your kinks into public without the public’s consent ensued.
Decide for yourself by reading this interesting article from VICE!
Have some kinky news to share? Tell us about any upcoming BDSM events, new products, dungeon openings / closings, kink in mainstream media, and anything else you think kinky folks might be interested to hear about. Send your tips through to kinkweekly@gmail.com, and it might just end up on next week’s “This Week in Kink.”
Don’t miss the riveting story of how Ms. Vivienne became a dominatrix.
She gets real and personal when sharing her story. Furthermore, she explains her view of sex work and how it has changed her life for the better.
Click below to read more from The Independent!
Curous to learn the top five sexual fantasies amidst the general public?
Articles like this can help us see that we aren’t as “demented” as we may think we are, and that we aren’t as alone as we may think we are either.
Click below to learn more from News Patrolling!
Upscale, NY, sex club decides to have a Black Death-themed Halloween party.
We, here at Kink Weekly, know that everyone has their own comfortability regarding quaratine practices.
Decide for youself about this party by reading Oli Coleman’s article!
https://pagesix.com/2020/10/12/upscale-sex-club-snctm-plots-black-death-themed-halloween-party/
Have some kinky news to share? Tell us about any upcoming BDSM events, new products, dungeon openings / closings, kink in mainstream media, and anything else you think kinky folks might be interested to hear about. Send your tips through to kinkweekly@gmail.com, and it might just end up on next week’s “This Week in Kink.”
New to the scene?
Not sure how to start your kink journey?
Need some help establishing boundaries?
Then, tune in for this informative video by the fabulous Evie Lupine!
Don’t be afraid to dive in today! Safe, sane, consensual for the win!
Contrary to popular belief, being a submissive is quite liberating and empowering. I’m a natural sub myself — I find it oddly invigorating to give away control of my body to a tyrannical dominant. As such, I enjoy being told or sometimes forced to do stuff in the bedroom and getting spanked occasionally for my indiscretions.
At first I thought it was weird that I was comfortable with pain, humiliation, and being generally pushed around in the bedroom. After a deep search on the internet, I met an entire community of individuals that fancied BDSM as much as I did.
After lengthy research, it was clear that submission is a legitimate fetish worth exploring. This realization further fuelled my curiosity; I needed to learn more and perhaps get in touch with this new side of myself. The internet is a great place to start, as there are a lot of resources on the subject.
Some portray submission as some kind of lame fetish that only appeals to the weak. Note that a lot of the information you’re likely to come across is people’s personal opinion on the subject. Look for something positive, testimonies of other subs living the dream. I found plenty of those myself, and they helped fashion the submissive I am today.
Every submissive gets to decide the limits they are willing to go to. There’s always a safe word for when things get a little out of hand. Not even your master can ignore the safe word. It is a signal that they are going past your breaking point and they should stop. A dom that ignores the safe word is a sex criminal, an abuser that should never be a dom.
Moving on, my little research got me hooked. I attended a couple of porn conventions, took my first trip to popular sex and fetish clubs, and in no time I was speaking the language of submission. This was still not enough. I needed to belong, and practice seemed like the next logical move. I met a guy at one of the joints I frequented who eventually showed me the ropes.
Of course, we went out for a couple of weeks before my first rodeo. I trusted him. He knew I was a novice that hopelessly wanted in. He promised to go easy on me, and that’s exactly what he did. My first session was still intense, but nothing I wasn’t expecting. I went home with bruised butt cheeks that evening, and I was proud of myself. I had finally done it, and from that moment it was clear to me that was exactly what I wanted for myself.
Our D/s relationship went on for a couple of months during which I continued learning. I tried dominating a couple of times, but it just wasn’t my thing. My sense of authority never intimidated anyone. Submission turned me on and I was going to stick to my lane.
During my late-night visits to the dark corners of the internet, I learned that I could actually make money off submission. I was still in college and the idea of earning some extra bucks in my free time seemed enticing. For me, this was literally getting paid to have fun!
I applied to work at one of the dungeons my then-boyfriend had introduced me to. I was a regular, so it wasn’t hard getting in. To the uninitiated — remember Christian Grey’s playroom in the legendary Fifty Shades of Grey where Anastasia had to learn submission? Well, that is a private sex dungeon. It is typically a room with all the toys for doms and subs to engage in their kinks safely.
A dungeon has all the basic furniture and tools for bondage, like spanking benches, whips, and beds equipped with cuffs among other relevant toys. In my case, I worked at a commercial sex dungeon where we played pretend for paying clients. I was there for about six months before I considered exploring other avenues that would reward my services handsomely. I found dozens of other lucrative gigs for subs, some that I am going to discuss in this article.
It’s been a couple of years since I made my debut as a professional submissive, and I can assure you that it never feels like work. I guess the cliché ‘do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life’ is true after all! What you need to understand, however, is that not everyone is cut out for this line of work. Sorry, but you can’t fake it till you make it around here.
Everything should come naturally to you — you should never struggle with the thought of relinquishing control to someone else. You need to be discerning, have an open mind, and be a sucker for intimacy — a hopeless romantic if you will!
If you believe that you are a good submissive, then you might as well get paid for it.
Here are five ways you can make money as a submissive:
I can personally relate to this gig given it was my first job as a submissive. There’s always a dungeon hiring somewhere. The rates vary from one dungeon to another, but clients always pay hourly rates. There are strict ground rules doms have to adhere to in a public dungeon. It is always scary to work with strangers, but the thought that the dungeon is a controlled environment offers some sort of relief.
The good thing about being a submissive at a commercial dungeon is the guarantee of getting clients. The dungeon does the marketing on your behalf, and you only have to show up to work. If you like a routine job, working at a dungeon can be the perfect fit. Don’t worry about experience; some dungeons are willing to train newbies upon hiring.
My busy schedule at the dungeon and school took a toll on my relationship eventually. After I parted ways with my boyfriend, I ventured into freelancing. I had the experience, plus I was now more tolerable to things I never thought I’d be comfortable with.
My first clients as a freelancer were some of my regulars from the dungeon. They invited me to their private dungeons and paid me hourly. I was making more money as a freelancer compared to when I worked at the dungeon. It was also easier to meet new friends, doms, and other subs that way.
I even had my first threesomes — both FFM and MMF — as a freelance submissive. I determined my own rates, working hours, and where I wanted to work from. All I needed to make more money was to put in more hours and sometimes charge special rates for certain acts.
Being my own boss was great, but it had its challenges too. It meant that I was now in charge of my own safety. I made sure I met a new client at a neutral public place first before doing anything. Even then, I would text a friend their phone number and address just in case I ended up in a real dungeon. But the scariest of all was working with an amateur. Inexperienced doms can be reckless and even seriously hurt you. It’s always important to find out if they are amateurs so you know how to handle them.
Like webcam models, subs can also set up online profiles and thrill a live audience with D/s shows. You can create your own site, market your services to prospective clients, or work for an existing camming platform.
The good thing about the latter arrangement is that the site does the marketing on your behalf, and in return you get to split the proceeds from your live shows. Again, payment varies from hourly rates to gifts and donations from clients. Doing live stream shows is safer and helps you reach a wider audience.
Yes, that’s actually a thing! A phone sex operator doesn’t have to do much considering no one is looking. You’ll need a sultry voice and an understanding of the lingo. Creativity is not optional at all since you’ll be depending on it to keep the sessions lively. You have to be one hell of a performer to pull off an erotic phone sex session.
You’ll be taking commands like you are in a real-life dungeon. When they spank you, act hurt. Scream; beg them to go easy on you — make your dom feel like they have total control. Keep them on the phone for a long time, and you’ll make good money.
You can market yourself as a professional submissive offering escort services. Some doms prefer private sessions at their place or hotels rather than visiting public dungeons. You can begin by joining an escort agency; split your spoils with them while you gain experience and make a name for yourself.
As you might have noticed, I enjoy working as a freelance submissive. The freedom to create my own schedule; choose my clients, venue, and set the rates is everything I ever wanted since I set foot in the game. I have encountered all kinds of clients over the years and participated in fulfilling some of the weirdest BDSM fantasies imaginable.
Before anything, most doms like to know your limits. They’ll ask you beforehand about the things they should never try on you, and those you are dying to experience. That way the session can be mutually enjoyable.
I once met this client that wanted me to indulge his scat fetish in a D/s play. He was willing to double my regular fee; unfortunately I wasn’t comfortable with it so we parted ways. But one experience I fondly remember is this couple that booked me for a threesome in my first months as a freelance sub. We met for dinner to discuss the terms before heading to their place.
They had a dungeon right next to their bedroom (I found it cute; it meant I was dealing with experts). One could tell an expert from how they flogged you. The husband was doing the whipping in this case, and he did it with expert precision. They tied my hands and ankles, and the wife was going down on me neutralizing every ounce of pain the whip brought.
This particular session really pushed my limits. It involved melting candles, knives, hair pulling, spanking, verbal humiliation among several other kinks I hadn’t tried before. I gave them one hell of a show, and they never disappointed either. We set up another meeting, and we’ve been close ever since.
Freelancing has been more profitable compared to any of my previous gigs. For a while now I think I’m stagnating in terms of earnings. I’ve been relying on my regulars and a few referrals, and I believe it’s time I begin marketing my services aggressively. For starters, I’m setting up a website to advertise what I do. I’ll recruit a few other subs, market them and earn a commission from every client I hook them up with. My prospect list is going to surge, which means more money. If this goes well, I may even resign gracefully and earn from my recruits like a boss.
As you’ve learned, there’s always an avenue for a submissive to make money. Working at a dungeon opened my eyes to new opportunities. It gave me the exposure I much needed to try out new ventures.
Live stream shows can be exciting and profitable, especially if you land a generous audience. There’s stiff competition in live streaming, so your unique performance will set you apart.
Working as a sex phone operator is the easiest gig for a submissive. You only need a convincing voice to stay in business. It is also safe since there is no physical interaction.
An escort on the other hand can make more money than a phone sex operator and a submissive at the dungeon. However, this job comes with certain obvious safety risks involving dealing with strangers. If you find ways to mitigate those risks, working as an escort can be the best gig you’ll ever have as a submissive.
I’ve tried nearly all of these jobs, but I’ve been more inclined to work as a freelance submissive after making a name for myself in the dungeon.
Experience is crucial if you want to make good money as a submissive. Inexperience can be a turn off for some clients, although others might be attracted to the innocence that comes with it. Before diving to the deep end of freelancing, I suggest you get a job in a controlled environment as I did with the dungeon gig. Start with light bondage as your tolerance for pain and curiosity to try more advanced moves grow.
My name is Marina and I’m an adult writer with a background in digital marketing. Being a woman in the adult business world I also thrive to help people make it within this industry since it can be so competitive. I write about fetishes, different adult businesses and all kinds of tips & tricks that could help someone take a step forward.
With the corona virus still hanging around like a psychotic relative with a gun, we cannot ignore it. With all the dungeons closed, with contact risky and with Mistress Cyan sponsoring Virtual Dungeons, many of the questions that I have answered recently came from a pile of questions I kept around for just such an emergency. But the following query was one I received a couple of weeks ago.
“What would you do if you’d been with your SO for many years and recently found that your BDSM needs were developing and your SO’s weren’t? How would you resolve a growing apparent incompatibility? How do you take someone on a journey with you when they are resistant or uninterested? How do you stay with the one you love despite those dilemmas?”
It is a cliché in every advice column to say, “the key to a successful relationship is communication.” I guess it is a cliché because it is so true. But your dilemma will not be resolved simply by discussing your needs. BDSM isn’t Dr. Full-Of-It’s simple answers for complex questions. (Is he still around?) Oft times, in vanilla relationships, you can just say, “I need oral sex a little more” and voila! The other partner replies, “I will do that if you do this (such as dress sexier, etc.)” This might not solve the deeper problems in the relationship, but it can be a quick fix for the sex aspects. BDSM problems, on the other hand, are not so easy to repair.
In your situation, it appears the actual relationship/love part is solid, but the play aspects are falling apart. And play is very important in a BDSM relationship. You might say it is the basis of it. So, what to do?
Your strategy would depend on the answer to one big question. How much does your partner know about your BDSM needs? Does he/she participate with you? And are you overreacting and getting all bent out of shape because your partner lost interest in BDSM because of the pandemic?
If your partner is totally in the dark about the true depth of your BDSM needs, you must determine whether you wish to risk wrecking a good long-term relationship to disclose them. If they are very strong in your case, I suggest you take a risk. More than likely, you will succumb to these urges somewhere down the road, so why not address the problem as soon as possible. Procrastination solves nothing. But more about that later. (“We will be right back!”) I would simply tell your partner that you have very deep BDSM desires and explain exactly what they are in the most enticing way. And don’t be afraid to state them loud and clear. Explain what you really, really, really want, what turns you on. You have been with this person for many years, so chances are you discuss more than the weather in Topeka. If you are lucky – very lucky – and explain “home dungeon” BDSM play in an exciting way, you just might strike gold. Also make sure that your SO (Significant Other? Social Outcast? LOL) is just going through this disinterest phase as a result of the pandemic.
If, however, he/she either is aware of your BDSM needs – even to the point of partaking in them – a different strategy is needed. If one of you keeps a BDSM diary, look for points of intersection. See what BDSM play turns the two of you on, and make sure to point it out. You might be surprised how much play you both want to experience together.
If you are the Top, then it will be easy to redirect your play toward your partner’s area of interests. This is not to say, let the bottom totally control the direction of the relationship. It is to say, let the bottom have some fun! You will find the bottom is more responsive to activities that you prefer when there is a mix of activities he/she likes too.
If you are the submissive, your relationship – no matter what the protocol – should allow you to voice your opinions freely. State your needs to your Top, and explain that you need more of certain BDSM activities. Be clever and select play that both of you enjoy. A diary is a great device for discovering what interests you and your partner share. It is easy to get “more” when the “more” is fun!
Of course, if your partner simply has absolutely lost interest in BDSM,for whatever reason, and you love it, I really cannot help you there. But it is better to find this out sooner than later.
I would bet it is a temporary situation caused by this pandemic. I haven’t gone to a dungeon since this craziness started. I have tried to both answer your question and suggest that your problems are caused by this virus. These are insane times and it would be a shame if your relationship got destroyed by this microbe. Hasn’t it done enough damage? My assumption could be wrong; but if I am right you will look at your problem in a different light.
These times are trying enough without having to deal with the relationship problems that the virus is causing.
After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.
Ah, to discover the kink community after living a vanilla life. What an exciting and potentially nerve-wracking time in your life. When we look at kink development, many kinksters will say that there were signs of kinkhood early in adolescence, some even in childhood. While at that young age, there were not words to understand it, many folks had a preoccupation with pain or various objects more so than that of their peers. It was those early interests that flourished and eventually turned into formal and understandable kinks. While many folks have felt their kinkiness throughout most of their lives, there are plenty of individuals who discover this new version of themselves in later adulthood, whether intentionally or by accident.
Stepping into the kink world can be scary. It is easy to feel like everyone knows what they’re doing, and you are the odd person out. The amazing thing about kink is that there is always room to grow, even for the most experienced players. So much of kink is about evolving and transforming and pushing past what we all think is even possible. Several things are essential to remember when beginning this journey, and I am hoping to give you some helpful tips to guide you on your way.
Take Your Time
Patience may be hard to come by when you are engaging in something brand new. It can be even more challenging when this brand new thing provides pleasure in a way that has not been experienced before. While the desire to jump headfirst into the kinky pool may be overwhelming, it can be beneficial to take your time as you navigate this new way of life. Slowing down and pacing yourself can actually be quite helpful in the long run. When experiencing play for the first time, you may want to spend time processing the experience so that you can get a more firm understanding of what it is you actually want in this kinky world. The exciting thing about kink, and really sex in general, is that exploration can occur throughout our lifetime. Remember hearing about the outbreaks of STIs in retirement homes? While this may not be something to strive towards (as safety and health are essential), it shows us that sexual exploration can truly last our entire lives. So, take your time and enjoy the journey because there will always be a new destination when it comes to kink.
Consent is everything
I cannot stress enough that consent is everything. If there is ever a time that you are approached in the community by someone who wants to play without any negotiation, I highly encourage you to decline. Consent is what allows for mitigation of risk, so while risk will not be entirely off the table with proper negotiation, unwanted harm will certainly be less likely to occur. One of the pillars of kink play is consent, so it is incredibly important that the idea of consent gets woven into your mind from the beginning.
You are not alone
If you are new to kink, it can be very common to feel immense anxiety mixed in with your excitement. It is easy to feel like everyone else is more experienced or that you do not know what you are doing. While it may be the case that there are kinksters who are well versed in their practice, there are always newcomers who are starting from scratch. You are not alone in your kink journey. Every person who you look up to in this world started precisely where you are. Kink practice is just that, a practice. It takes time and effort to be able to perfect a technique or be able to execute a new action that has not been done before. Kink is about the ongoing journey of learning. The beauty of this community of practicing kink is that you will always have room to continue to grow and evolve. If you can put in the time to getting to know members of the community, you will quickly learn that you are not in this alone.
Don’t be afraid to ask for guidance
Kink can be confusing, complicated, scary, and even risky. Any new experience can bring up feelings of nervousness, and one of the best ways to work through that is to ask for help. Many professionals in the field can assist you in this process. From therapists who are experts in kink (like me!) to professional Dom/subs/etc., to other members of the community, there is often room for guidance. Fortunately, technology allows us to connect with kinksters from all over the world, so even if you are not in a particularly kinky town, you may be able to establish online relationships that can assist you on your journey.
This is an exciting time in your life. In fact, this is the beginning of a journey that can transform how you explore your identity. By taking things slow, remembering that consent is key, asking for help, and finding community, you will likely increase your chances of having a positive experience in this fun and exciting world. Dipping your toes into the kinky pool may be a little bit startling at first, but as you slowly continue to enter, you will find yourself much more comfortable and soon fully immersed in the world of kink.
Elyssa Rice is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist specializing in the Kink and Alternative Lifestyle community. She is a writer, lecturer and advocate for sexual empowerment and sexual freedom. She has a private practice in Los Angeles, CA and is dedicated to shifting the narrative about both the mental health and Kink community.
