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Home » Pride

Pride

This week in kink: June 7, 2021

June 4, 2021 By Desdemona 2 Comments

Check out this controversial article on why BDSM and kink should not be included in Pride.

Do you agree or disagree?

Click below to find out more from Independent!


Into orgasm denial? Orgasm control?

Consensually “forcing” an orgasm?

Want to learn more about this type of play?

Then, click below to read more from Women’s Health!


Don’t miss this riveting article on Tantric Sex from Huff Post!

Click below to learn more!


Have some kinky news to share? Tell us about any upcoming BDSM events, new products, dungeon openings / closings, kink in mainstream media, and anything else you think kinky folks might be interested to hear about. Send your tips through to kinkweekly@gmail.com, and it might just end up on next week’s “This Week in Kink.”

Tagged With: bdsm, female orgasm, fetish, kink, LGBTQ, orgasm, orgasm control, power exchange, Pride, sex, tantric sex

The Skinny On The Hanky Code

August 30, 2020 By Joji Sada 6 Comments

hanky code, lgbt
via stock.adobe.com

Early last year, I was given the opportunity to “fly my colors” for the first time.  Meaning, Master walked me through how to properly fold my two bandanas, so they would lay comfortably against my jeans, to express my interests to the other 1800 people in attendance at a kink convention.

Wearing colors had never crossed my mind.  Do not misunderstand, I wear my pride with my patches and my pins.  I am proud of my positions, as both a submissive and a Daddy.

But, the Bandana Code, also known as the Hanky Code, had become a relic of our past by the time I was in the scene.  It was used predominantly in the 1970’s and early 1980’s.  From talking to others in my local community, it is scene occasionally nowadays but is most often used more as a party theme.

I do wish it were still part of our community today.  I have hearing loss in both my ears.  I have lost around 30% of my hearing on each side.  I also struggle with hearing certain tones.  This means that during parties, my partners use hand signals for check-ins.  Since I cannot hear them properly, and they may be facing away from me, we built a rudimentary set of four signals to express our current state of mind.  When trying to mingle with others, I find it very hard to be able to talk to them, and hear their answer, which makes pick up play difficult.

Flagging, or hankies, were not used during play.  However, they were used to express what you were looking for at that time.  You could look out across a sea of people, and hone in on who was into what, and what role they were. 

It was known to have been used in Canada, Europe, and the United States.  It was used in the gay Leather community but has since been opened to all genders and sexualities.  Back then, hankies were used to denote a sexual fetish, what kind of sex they wanted, and whether they were a Top or a bottom.

Left side flagging indicates a Top.  Right side indicates bottom.

Keys were a predecessor of hankies.  The Left/Right indications were still the same.  Finding that out was amusing.  Especially since I have, and probably always will, hook my keys to my right belt loop.  Who knows that invitations I would have been subtly sending out if the key code was still actively used today?

Maybe I am impractical, but I wondered what happened if you had multiple interests.  At that point, it feels like I would have a rainbow hanging out of my pocket to express it all.  It was clarified, through a whole lot of laughter by Master, that you typically picked one or two colors and may swap them out depending on what was desired that night.

He expressed that he always wore his black hankie, since he is a Sadist above all else.  His secondary color changed as needed.

The colors have been added to over the years.  I’m going to include the basics from Larry Townsend’s 1983 Leatherman Handbook II.  If it spikes your curiosity, google Hanky Code colors and watch the lists grow exponentially.

Black- S/M

Dark Blue- Anal Sex

Light Blue– Oral Sex

Brown– Scat

Green– Hustler/Prostitution

Grey– Bondage

Orange– Anything Goes

Purple– Piercing

Red– Fisting

Yellow– Watersports

*As notated, the giver and the receiver were determined based on the side you put your Hanky/bandana on. 

I have never been the most outgoing individual.  I am unsure if I ever would have been brave enough to wear orange.  Then again, I believe it probably led to some unforgettable times between individuals.

We may never see a resurgence of the Hanky code, it would be nice to have an easier way to find my people when I am faced with the loud, rambunctious environments that surround both parties and kink conventions.Attachments area


My name is Joji.  I am 29 years old currently and I have been in and around the kink community about 15 years.I am a collared submissive to Magick42.  I am also a Daddy to a wonderful babygirl, and have been for more than three years now and I find it very fulfilling.  I am being mentored in and being taught electroplay.  I am a masochist at heart and thoroughly love impact play, especially caning.  I enjoy reading anything I can get my hands on and am a die hard Harry Potter and Doctor Who fan.  I am also the secretary for a group in Idaho called Moscow S.P.A.R.K.E (Simply Providing Another Route to Kink Education).  It is our mission to teach safe practices to those new to the community and give them a safe haven to ask questions and learn without judgement.  We accept all kinks and all we ask in return is respect between all our members.

Tagged With: bdsm, gay, hanky code, lesbian, lgbt, Pride, sex, trans

This week in kink: July 30, 2018

July 30, 2018 By Desdemona 3 Comments

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New to kink? Not new but want to brush up on skills or just enjoy a play party with fresh energy?  CLUB AWAKENING is what you’re looking for!  Now in the INLAND EMPIRE!!

Club Awakening is a party that was designed for newbies in the BDSM scene.  It’s been a monthly party since March 2016 at Sanctuary LAX.  Now it is happening at the NEW Sanctuary IE location!  This party includes 4 set tasting booths plus one surprise booth.  The set booths are hands on play (spanking, face slapping, etc), crops/canes/paddles, flogging, and rope.  You can either feel what these things feel like as a bottom or learn how to do these things as a Top – or both!  We even have several volunteer practice bottoms to lend a helping hand (aka butt) so you can practice even without a play partner.  Other volunteers float the venue to answer questions and help point you in the right direction.

There is also a vendor and a midnight raffle!  We provide a fun photo booth where you can get pics taken of you and your friends to commemorate the night!

You can get DISCOUNTED pre-sale tickets or pay at the door! (see below for links)

About the venue:

Sanctuary IE is a BRAND NEW location for Sanctuary Studios! The 4,000+ sq ft Sanctuary IE becomes the newest edition to the Sanctuary family and legacy. Both locations are dedicated to serving the community with a place for classes and workshops, parties and social events, and as a studio for personal and professional rentals for independent Dominas, photographers and videographers looking for a safe, private location.

Sanctuary IE is a San Bernadino county based dungeon located in Upland, CA. It features a spacious back area outside for plenty of socializing and smoking area.  The location features many rooms (both large and more intimate), high ceilings, and a large variety of dungeon furniture.  It is complete with a stage in the main room with plenty of seating.

 Facebook event page: https://www.facebook.com/events/238095393672604/

Fetlife Club Awakening IE Group page: https://fetlife.com/groups/173091

Fetlife event page: https://fetlife.com/events/688476

Pre-sale DISCOUNTED TICKETS: https://IEAwakeningAug2018.eventbrite.com


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It seems the world bit by bit is becoming a more accepting and progressive place. Recently, a court in Lebanon ruled that consensual same-sex relations are not illegal

Click here to read more


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Amsterdam’s world-famous Pride Canal Parade is right around the corner

Click here to check it out


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Don’t miss the new movie Compulsion. Critics say that this makes for a much better BDSM film than 50 shades

Click here to find out more


Have some kinky news to share? Tell us about any upcoming BDSM events, new products, dungeon openings / closings, collarings, kink in mainstream media, and anything else you think kinky folks might be interested to hear about. Send your tips through to kinkweekly@gmail.com, and it might just end up on next week’s “This Week in Kink.”

Tagged With: bdsm, Club Awakening, Compulsion, consent, fetish, jenn masri, kink, LGBTQ, Pride

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