Kink Weekly

BDSM articles ideas bondage erotica resource

You are here: Home / Archives for LGBTQ

LGBTQ

How To Craft A Successful Feminization Scene

By 2 Comments

Reader: My submissive is a part-time drag queen. We’re interested in trying a multi-day feminization scene. I’m not certain of techniques to keep it going for such a long time without the scene becoming boring. Can you spare any advice, tips, or information?

Since this is a multi-day scene you are attempting, I feel there are safety issues as well as boredom ones here. After all, a multi-day scene is unusual enough to be exciting in and of itself! So, let’s talk about safety.
Now without being privy to your actual game plan – and the specifics of your relationship – much of this advice will be laid out in general terms. That said, let’s examine the safety issues. (I think by now I can skip the sterilization admonitions that come with this pandemic; they have been covered ad-infinitum).

In your scene, safety concerns are less the physical ones than the emotional or psychological ones. Obviously, you should both agree on a safe word and a safe signal. But the presence of a safe word/signal, in this type of scene, does not by itself guarantee safety. That is because it is not the physical aspects of forced feminization scenes that are the most dangerous. For most players, these scenes present few physical dangers (excepting cock & ball torture and such — which might or might not be part of your scene). Despite the lack of true physical danger, forced feminization scenes can be very, very, very (notice the multiple “very’s”!) intense. They, by their very nature, enter into areas that can be psychically sensitive.

In your case, you are about to embark on a multi-day scene. When doing a scene over such an extended time frame, you can wander into areas that you might not ordinarily enter into – both good and bad. The bad aspects can be traced to the fact that psychic reactions can run deeper here than in your typical one or two hour scene. Oft times “forced feminization” scenes bring up gender identity and humiliation issues that are usually self-limiting in a shorter scene.

One thing working in your favor is that your submissive already is a part time drag queen. Thus, “forced feminization” is something, I am sure, he has already fantasized about. But, you must be totally aware of how far he wants you to take it and what his limits are. Does he have true transgender needs that a long scene of this nature might have an effect on? Transgender issues are not to be toyed with. These are serious, and very delicate, aspects of the human psyche.

You should also grasp the scope of the scene so as to stop it — even without a safe word being uttered. If you see that your submissive is having problems within the scene, you must be sensitive enough to go slow, alter it or stop it on your own.

You must really have a deep understanding of your submissive before you get into areas where gender identity is played with. As the Top, you must not cross those boundaries that can cause psychic damage to your submissive. A short one-hour play scene is one thing. A multi-day scene is another thing entirely.

A long scene of extreme duration has a totally different dynamic than your average short scene. Let me give you a real life example. A slave I know had no trouble being caged for a few hours. But when her Master wanted to cage her for three days, she refused to partake – even at risk of their relationship. (In fact, this incident destroyed it.) Long time frames radically alter the actual act itself.

In your case, since this is a first-time scene for you, you must be acutely aware of the multi-day aspects of it. If you are diligent about keeping control over your scene at all times, understand your submissive very well and grasp the danger inherent in your scene, you will be able to have an awesome experience.

After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.

The Joy Of Bondage

By 2 Comments

hot lesbians kissing shibari suspended
via stock.adobe.com

At this point in my life I’ve had the privilige of tying up, literally, dozens of gals (which is dozens more that I ever considered binding in my wildest dreams). I’ve bound young gals, old gals, thin gals, large gals, white gals, black gals, and pretty much every other type in between. I’ve tied flexi-gals who seemed capable of managing any sort of crazy pretzel tie you could conceive of, without flinchin; as well as gals with physical limitations such that they had to have their hands practically at their sides and could barely put their ankles together, and were still in pain.

Yes, I’ve bound lots of very different gals, but the one thing almost all of them had in common was the sheer joy and pleasure they took in being physically restrained in a consensual manner. And, inevitably, the more securely and tightly they were bound, the more they seemed to enjoy it.

Their faces light up in a huge grin, a primal joy and pleasure evident even if they’re wearing a gag. Alternately they fall into a blissful state of subspace, their faces neutral and slack as they find themselves face to face with something they never dreamed of experiencing.

It’s a high for them, but also one for me. Most guys only fantasize about bringing a gal to such a blissful state, and entirely too many gals fake that for the guy’s benefit. But when a gal gets tied, all artifice is removed, and a primal pleasure is brought to the fore, one that simply has to be experienced to be understood.

Certainly, I’ve tied more than one curious gal who wound up not finding the experience terribly enjoyable. Not every gal is craving bondage, whether they know it or not. Life’s menus comes in entirely too many varities to waste time indulging in something you don’t particularly care for.

As for the ones who do enjoy it, well I am at a loss. Perhaps it’s the thrill of the unknown, the rollercoaster which seems to send you plummeting to your death before pulling you suddenly out, that knowledge that you’re safe even as you crave that experience of utter helplessness. 

As for myself, I’d spent entirely too many years in the vanilla dating scene, happy to merely find a gal who would *tolerate* being tied up, let alone one who’d love being tied as much as I enjoyed tying. Before the Internet was a thing, and if you lived in anything smaller than a big city, searching out bondage-inclined gals was a virtual impossibility (as was the opposite, I’m sure).

Of course, bondage has a rather wide appeal. Witness the number of kids who tie each other up, or check YouTube for all of the “bondage challenge” videos from people who otherwise consider themselves vanilla in the bedroom. Myself, I’ve bound a number of “bondage curious” gals who, after less than a half-dozen sessions, stopped enjoying the experience and moved on. One in particular, who I’m still in contact with 20 years later, jokes about it. Although, at the time, she certainly enjoyed it, having one of those expressions on her face.

As for my own girl, well, she’d been bondage curious her entire life, and had been tied up in a very limited fashion only very rarely. The first time we were together I tied her up in what I consider my “full monty” which anyone who’s experienced will tell you is an extremely tight and restrictive bondage. For her, it was a revelation, something she couldn’t wait to have more of. It was one of many things which cemented our relationship.

I take photos and video of her all the time, and my major complaint is that she looks too happy in most of them. She’s not a terrible actress, but needs to be coaxed to be either scared or angry in her secure bondage. She’s simply enjoying it too much. 

The key is, some people love to bind, and some love to be bound. Indulge yourselves and enjoy life. There’s too much making us miserable that we shouldn’t take pleasure where we can.

PirateStan has been involved in his local BDSM community since 2007, after having had a lifelong inclination towards it. He currently lives a contented life in Southeastern Virginia with his girl, zeirah, while working by day for a Major Metropolitan Publication. 

Video: What BDSM Can Teach Us About Explicit Consent In The Workplace

By 2 Comments

What can BDSM teach us about explicit consent in the workplace? | Megan Bloomer | TEDxSanJuanIsland

Don’t miss Megan Bloomer’s insightful lecture on how kink negotiation techniques can be used to gain a better understanding of consent and the art of saying “No” at work.

Despite BDSM still being heavily stigmatized, Megan shows the important values that the Kink Community can bring to all areas of life including the workplace.

Consent is sexy! This video is a must watch!

This week in kink: October 1, 2018

By 2 Comments

Check out these awesome items that will help turn your bedroom into your own dungeon!

Click here to view more

Consensual same sex relations now legal in Trinidad and Tobago

Click here to read more

American Horror Story touches on BDSM and torture

Click here to find out more

Want to know more about corsets and waist trainers?

Click here to read more

Have some kinky news to share? Tell us about any upcoming BDSM events, new products, dungeon openings / closings, collarings, kink in mainstream media, and anything else you think kinky folks might be interested to hear about. Send your tips through to kinkweekly@gmail.com, and it might just end up on next week’s “This Week in Kink.”

Your How-to Guide to Playing with a Disabled Kinkster

By 5 Comments

More people living with chronic pain, illness, and disabilities are getting into kink and BDSM. There are so many reasons, ranging from relieving pain to owning our bodies to fun. The Centers for Disease Control (CDC) estimates that half of all adult Americans have one or more chronic illnesses which could be disabling.

With so many people using kink with health issues, it’s important to be aware of the best practices for playing with people like me.

Please note: throughout this article, I use identity-first language (e.g., disabled people). It is preferred by most disabled people over person-first language (e.g., person with a disability). Make sure you check with people you’re playing with on language they prefer to be identified by.

Don’t treat us like Inspiration Porn

“Wait,” you might be saying, “I like porn!” Inspiration porn is a little different, and definitely not as fun.

Coined by the late Stella Young in 2012, it describes the idea that disabled people are here to inspire you – to tell you your life isn’t that bad because you can still do XYZ. It looks like that picture of two amputees running in prosthetics, one young and one older, with the tagline saying something about the only disability in life is a bad attitude. You’re supposed to feel better about engaging with these kinds of post because, however bad your day was, at least you’re not ‘them.’ You’re made to feel you can deal with problems you’re facing because it could always be worse.

As Stella Young said in her Ted talk, “I am not here to inspire you. I’m not here to be your one disabled friend.”

If we run into each other in a play space, I’m there for one reason – to get my ass beat, not to inspire you to walk more.

Drop your ableism at the door

Diving into Twenty Questions about disability right when you meet someone is not okay. We deal with that all the time. It’s an exhausting feat of emotional labor that we don’t often consent to doing for others – especially if we don’t know you well (or at all).

Ableism is discrimination against disabled or chronically ill people. Some people use disableism as well. In either case, the assumption is that being able-bodied and able-minded is the norm. Anything outside of that isn’t ‘okay’ or may need to be fixed. A lot of ableism exists in the assumptions about how disabled people live our lives. Comments from people in passing like “Oh, bless your heart – I’m glad you’re getting out of the house. If I were stuck in a wheelchair, I’d probably kill myself!” happen all the time. Sadly, this is a comment a friend received from a stranger at the zoo as I write this.

The idea that people are ‘stuck’ in wheelchairs is already a problem. Wheelchairs and other assistive devices like canes, walkers, and rollators give us more ability to be independent. The only time they become a burden is when an abled person decides they are.

In a kink setting, humiliation might be consensual and fun. Someone dropping an ableist slur during snuggle time and after care isn’t (unless otherwise consented to). I definitely suggest updating terms that you use and switching out ableist words and phrases for better ones.

That includes updating your kink terms, too. An old tenet of kink is that it must be SSC – Safe, Sane, and Consensual. Unfortunately, that leaves out many of us who have mental health issues or for whom kink can never be safe. RACK – Risk-Aware Consensual Kink – is a better term, especially because it doesn’t have those same ableist tones as SSC.

Note: This does not mean you should correct a disabled person on words we use to identify ourselves. Many of us are working to reclaim slurs that were once used against us. I’ll proudly call myself a cripple or other disability slurs. That doesn’t automatically mean I would be down with you using that language towards me. When in doubt, check-in with us.

Don’t use kid gloves, either

Often, when people think of disabled peeps, they consider us children. We’re not seen as being sexual and sure as hell not seen as kinky. I have to tell y’all, though: I have sex. I love sex. I love impact play. These are things that are as much a part of my identity as being disabled or queer or genderfluid are.

If we’re playing and you’re supposed to flog me, flog me the same way you’d flog an abled person. Don’t treat me as anything less than the grown sexy adult I am. Don’t be afraid you’re going to hurt me – we’ve already talked during the negotiation process about how I’ll stop the scene.

To be honest, many chronic pain patients like me wind up having a top tap out or suggest to end play before we do. We might just be the best bottoms… which is totally not biased at all (kind of joking here..maybe).

Be mindful of accessibility needs

Many kink play spaces are not accessible.

Accessibility is different for each person. What I need isn’t what another person needs. Hell, what I need one day isn’t what I need the next day. People’s needs can range from needing a ramp and elevator to avoiding florescent lighting to needing a fragrance-free space and more.

If you’re inviting someone to a space to play, ask them what their accessibility needs are and see if the place you want to go matches up.

Take advantage of the negotiation process

Negotiating a play scene is one of my favorite things to do. It is automatically set up for us to talk about any extra needs or concerns I may have going into a scene. I can share my filled out yes/no/maybe list. Then, I can tell people what words I don’t want used, what it looks like when my PTSD is triggered, and what parts of my body are no-go zones that day.

I can also talk about what to do in case there’s an emergency with my health during play and even guide my play partner(s) through that process. Emergency meds are always nearby, just in case, along with a card that shares medical information.

Use multiple safe words for different things

Safe words are one of the things that the kink world is known for. Most people can name the street light version where red is stop, yellow is slow down, etc. A good chunk of people even know that safe words can be other random words like pineapple or dinosaur.

What many people don’t know is that we can layer these safe words or even use them in everyday conversation.

My husband and I have had to work around difficulties I have communicating about pain, fatigue, mental health, and more. Some of our words are easily identified, like ‘bummed’ or ‘bummy day’ for having an uptick in our depression symptoms. Others are things that usually take a while to explain.

For energy, the idea of spoons or spell slots can be helpful. Gamers might recognize spell slots from video games or Dungeons & Dragons. The idea behind either of these terms is that everyone can only do so much before they have to rest. The problem is that many disabled people don’t get the same number of energy units that others get throughout the day. It’s incredibly nice to have a term we can use that allows us to quantify how completely and utterly exhausted we are. For pain, I always use the comparative pain scale. I find it much more descriptive than the ones we may see in an exam room. For PTSD, I’ll usually just say I’m having a PTSD moment or that I’m triggered.

Consider having codes for these things. Codes for bathroom breaks are a great idea, too.

It’s also important to consider a code move/action  in case your partner goes non-verbal or your play removes the ability to speak. At my dentist – yes, my actual dentist – our code move is for me to lift my left hand. It gives me the ability to fidget with my right hand as much as I need to.

Alter play

You may need to alter things you’d normally do to make them more accessible to your play partner.

If your partner can’t stand long, using a St. Andrew’s Cross while you flog them for an hour isn’t going to work well. Instead, set up pillows on a flat space like a bed for them to lay on their stomach on. That way, you can still access their back while they’re in a comfortable space.

If you have sex furniture from companies like Liberator or Intimate Rider, they can definitely help with positioning. Toys used may need some adaptations or changes, too. Playing with electricity, for example, is a bad idea for people with cardiac or gastric pacemakers.

Talk with your partner about what might work best for them. Personally, I’d probably be happy to stand against a cross for an hour… but I’d also heavily pay for it. Sometimes, that’s both fun and fine. If I have to do anything the next day, though, it can become a problem. I highly recommend not only considering your current health and mental issues, but also your schedule for the days that follow.

Problem solving these issues together can help you and your play partner become closer. It will also help them trust you more, and we all know trust is incredibly important in kink relationships. Honestly, supportive problem solving around my health issues is something that would turn me on.

Communicate!

Honestly, you should know this is important already. It’s vital in every situation to keep things consensual and as safe as possible. Again, it’s imperative to use those safe words and movements you set up ahead of time. I recommend setting up breaks during play for bathroom visits, taking necessary, prescribed medications, to hydrate, and to check-in.

Aftercare

I’m going to be honest – aftercare may look a lot different than normal.

You may need to help us get dressed or back into a wheelchair. You might need to get us secured into leg braces. You might have to help with bathroom stuff. We may need some care in the next few days that isn’t just a text or call.

Aftercare is going to look different depending on what your play partner’s needs are. Make sure that you cover potential aftercare ideas during the negotiation process.

Create a feedback loop

If you’ve played with someone, part of  aftercare should be giving feedback. While most people think about this purely in regards to  sex, it can be integral to play pals, too. Set up a time a few days after play to talk about your session. Ideally, this would be in-person and in a relatively sober, non-play space. Use non-violent communication techniques such as using ‘I’ statements. Furthermore, honest communication and receiving and giving feedback is essential for all players, not just for those that who identify as disabled.

Takeaway

Playing with someone with a disability or chronic illness might not be the same as playing with an abled person. As always, it’s important to communicate clearly and be aware of risks. You may just find the perfect person to play with in ways you never imagined.

Resources

Chronic Sex

Disability After Dark

SexAbled

Ready Sexy Able

CSPH Resources on Sex & Disability

Scarleteen

The Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability: For All of Us Who Live with Disabilities, Chronic Pain, and Illness

About the Author

Kirsten Schultz is a sex educator and writer. Through their work as a queer disability activist, they have earned a reputation for tearing down barriers while mindfully causing constructive trouble. They know how hard it can be to live a full life while dealing with health issues, so that’s why they work most closely with people living with chronic illness or disability, helping them to rediscover their lives after diagnosis.
Kirsten has worked with organizations all around the world, including Healthline, Pfizer, and the Arthritis Foundation. In addition, their work has been featured in articles from publications such as US News, Broadly, HelloFlo, Bustle, and Everyday Health.
Kirsten holds an MS in Healthcare Administration from Utica College. You can learn more about them and their work at chronicsex.org and on Twitter @chronicsexchat.
Links:
www.chronicsex.org – Chronic Sex
kirstenschultz.org – writing site
facebook.com/chronicallysexy – Chronic Sex on Facebook
twitter.com/chronicsexchat – Chronic Sex on Twitter
instagram.com/chronic_self_love – Chronic Sex on Instagram
pinterest.com/chronicsex – Chronic Sex on Pinterest

This week in kink: September 24, 2018

By 2 Comments

Dominatrix Kristina Rodriguez shares her journey and how it has positively affected her life and motherhood

Click here to read more

Check out these Dominatrix-style outfits worn on the NYC runway!

Click here to see more

A recent study found that sexual violence and other non-consensual behaviors are increasing due to porn

Click here to find out more

Don’t miss the new film The Breeding and how it relates to BDSM, race, and The LGBTQ Community

Click here to learn more

Have some kinky news to share? Tell us about any upcoming BDSM events, new products, dungeon openings / closings, collarings, kink in mainstream media, and anything else you think kinky folks might be interested to hear about. Send your tips through to kinkweekly@gmail.com, and it might just end up on next week’s “This Week in Kink.”

This week in kink: July 30, 2018

By 3 Comments

20170707_1611521

New to kink? Not new but want to brush up on skills or just enjoy a play party with fresh energy?  CLUB AWAKENING is what you’re looking for!  Now in the INLAND EMPIRE!!

Club Awakening is a party that was designed for newbies in the BDSM scene.  It’s been a monthly party since March 2016 at Sanctuary LAX.  Now it is happening at the NEW Sanctuary IE location!  This party includes 4 set tasting booths plus one surprise booth.  The set booths are hands on play (spanking, face slapping, etc), crops/canes/paddles, flogging, and rope.  You can either feel what these things feel like as a bottom or learn how to do these things as a Top – or both!  We even have several volunteer practice bottoms to lend a helping hand (aka butt) so you can practice even without a play partner.  Other volunteers float the venue to answer questions and help point you in the right direction.

There is also a vendor and a midnight raffle!  We provide a fun photo booth where you can get pics taken of you and your friends to commemorate the night!

You can get DISCOUNTED pre-sale tickets or pay at the door! (see below for links)

About the venue:

Sanctuary IE is a BRAND NEW location for Sanctuary Studios! The 4,000+ sq ft Sanctuary IE becomes the newest edition to the Sanctuary family and legacy. Both locations are dedicated to serving the community with a place for classes and workshops, parties and social events, and as a studio for personal and professional rentals for independent Dominas, photographers and videographers looking for a safe, private location.

Sanctuary IE is a San Bernadino county based dungeon located in Upland, CA. It features a spacious back area outside for plenty of socializing and smoking area.  The location features many rooms (both large and more intimate), high ceilings, and a large variety of dungeon furniture.  It is complete with a stage in the main room with plenty of seating.

 Facebook event page: https://www.facebook.com/events/238095393672604/

Fetlife Club Awakening IE Group page: https://fetlife.com/groups/173091

Fetlife event page: https://fetlife.com/events/688476

Pre-sale DISCOUNTED TICKETS: https://IEAwakeningAug2018.eventbrite.com

shibari-screenshot

It seems the world bit by bit is becoming a more accepting and progressive place. Recently, a court in Lebanon ruled that consensual same-sex relations are not illegal

Click here to read more

mp-03

Amsterdam’s world-famous Pride Canal Parade is right around the corner

Click here to check it out

handcuffs-2086352_1280

Don’t miss the new movie Compulsion. Critics say that this makes for a much better BDSM film than 50 shades

Click here to find out more

Have some kinky news to share? Tell us about any upcoming BDSM events, new products, dungeon openings / closings, collarings, kink in mainstream media, and anything else you think kinky folks might be interested to hear about. Send your tips through to kinkweekly@gmail.com, and it might just end up on next week’s “This Week in Kink.”

Interview with Michelle from the Pleasure Chest

By 3 Comments

image1-1

Can you tell us a little about how the Pleasure Chest got its start?

The Pleasure Chest started in 1971 in New York, at the height of the sexual revolution. Founders Duane Colglazier and Bill Rifkin started out selling waterbeds, but found unexpected success in selling erotic novelties like mood lighting, cock rings, and handcuffs. They decided to turn the store into a full-fledged sex shop.

The company’s first location in the West Village in 1971, challenged convention by refusing to block out the store windows with XXX, which was standard for any store with adult material. Its founders aimed to create a department store feel. This simple principle continues to guide and set the Pleasure Chest apart today, now under the leadership of Duane’s nephew Brian Robinson.

What is your job title for the Pleasure Chest? How did you begin working there? What is your background concerning the Adult/Fetish Industry?

Currently I am a Sex Specialist and Sex Educator. The road here starts with me (as a Theater Education major at the University of Puerto Rico: Rio Piedras) putting myself through college working in the adult industry as an exotic dancer and nude model. About three years later, I moved to Miami and eventually transitioned into doing burlesque and teaching pole dance fitness. Upon relocating to California five years ago, I returned to stripping after a break up that left me broke and almost homeless. A burlesque performer I was dating at the time suggested I apply at The Pleasure Chest since I was looking for something with more regular hours. I interviewed and got the job, knowing that becoming a Sex Educator was my primary goal.

What do you love the most about working there?

I love having the opportunity to help people find the tools they need to better love themselves and each other. I love empowering people to feel comfortable in their sexual experimentation, exploration, and expression of themselves. Redirecting sex negatives attitudes and teaching people about consent is very rewarding for me as well.

In your opinion, what would you say are the company’s core values?

Sex positivity, pleasure based sex education, inclusivity, and adaptability.

What is the Pleasure Chest’s overall mission? How does the company go about accomplishing this?

To provide a non-judgmental, safe space where individuals are free to explore lifestyle products that will enrich their sex lives, regardless of spending capacity. We do this by hiring folks that are not only personally invested in their community, but are also actively a part of it, by carrying a wide range of products from low to high price points (which allows us to maintain accessibility to every demographic), and by offering free sex positive, pleasure-based, workshops and events to support and build up the community.

What is unique about your company and store? What do you feel customers can gain/experience uniquely there?

I believe the level of training we receive first and foremost sets us apart from other adult retailers in this industry. Not only from vendors, but from social justice groups as well. As the language around sexuality and gender has evolved, we have had diversity trainings to better serve all facets of the LGBTQ Community. We make a conscious choice to use gender neutral language, whether it is on the sales floor or in our classes. At the LA location, the team is really more like a family. With this being said, customers are met with friendly, compassionate, and knowledgeable staff. We hear them out, we laugh together, sometimes we cry together. We make sure they leave with what they need, knowing how it is used as well as how to clean and care for their product. They get a curated experience that you won’t find in many other stores or online.

Can you elaborate more on your events and classes that you have at your store? How do they help achieve the company’s overall goals?

For our sex education programming, we try to have a decent amount of variety of topics and instructors while still maintaining staples like Suck It, Live It, Love It (an oral sex class for everyone) and Butt Sex Basics as a regular part of our repertoire. Classes are a great way for people to experience a different facet of the store while they are learning something new or expanding on what they already know. Our workshops are always free, and if customers fill out a feedback form we offer them a 15% discount after the class. They get to buy a product(s) that they might have seen featured in the class at an accessible price, and we learn how to make our workshops an even better experience every time.

We also do community building events like “Performance Anxiety,” which is our comedy night, and Cirque Sexualle, a bi-monthly free burlesque show that showcases POC performers. These events all help the Pleasure Chest to achieve its goal of being more than just another adult retailer. We want to be a hub for the community as well, and a safe place to gather, learn, laugh and get turned on in ways that we aren’t typically privileged to in our usual lives.  

What types of products do you sell? What companies in your opinion are the best?

Literally everything! Novelties, lingerie, lubricant, massage oils, personal care items, condoms, books, dvds, couples toys, vibrators, dildos, harnesses, anal toys, masturbation sleeves, cock rings, kink implements, electro-play devices. I mean, it’s endless. In my opinion, companies that focus on sustainability and ethical production practices without sacrificing the quality of their product are best to me. In my book, that happens to be Fun Factory. All their products are made by hand in Germany where they employ locals who are unionized, are paid a living wage, and have healthcare. They don’t use any harmful chemicals in the production of their devices, or the devices themselves or the packaging. So, their environmental impact is neutral. That is a major turn on for me.

What do you feel the community at large faces right now? How can/does the Pleasure Chest try to help with this?

I think the greatest challenge the adult industry and sex worker community faces is dealing with the ramifications of our government creating regulations like FOSTA/SESTA, which only builds stigma around the sex worker industry, and makes it more difficult for sex workers to survive, rather than “prevent sex trafficking” as it claims to. Framing sex work as real work and supporting sex workers is something that the Pleasure Chest has always maintained a firm position on.

In your opinion, what is the best way to safely explore your fetishes?

Do your research. Read books, both instructional and erotic fiction to get a well- rounded perspective of what the expression of this fetish can look like. Identify what aspects of its expression resonate with you-what turns you on? Try things by yourself first so you don’t have to worry about what you look like in front of someone else. Once you get a good idea of what a ‘scene’ looks like for you, discuss with a partner, negotiate desires and boundaries, and above all else have fun! Give yourself permission to laugh and enjoy playing in new ways, it doesn’t have to be super serious.

In what ways can the Pleasure Chest help with sexual exploration?

I think this is where our workshops really come into play. We take topics from oral sex to g-spotting, to advanced anal, fisting, bondage and impact play, and present them in a way that is very digestible for folks still trying to decide whether or not they are into it. By demystifying and destigmatizing the different ways in which human beings can experience pleasure, we help take away people’s’ fear and shame around the experience of exploration by making it lighthearted and enjoyable.

How is the Pleasure Chest specifically tied to the Kink Community? Do you feel that most of your customers are kinky in some way?

In its early days, a huge part of the Pleasure Chest customer base were those of the gay leather community, and later the store became well known for its yearly “Glory Hole” parties. As time has gone by and BDSM has become more mainstream via mediums like the “Fifty Shades” series, our role has shifted in terms of facilitating conversations around what healthy D/s relationships and consent actually are versus what is presented in the media. One thing I have learned from these conversations is that “kinky” is a sliding goalpost. For some people blindfolds are kinky, whereas for more experienced folks it might not be. For some people, just the act of wearing a condom or doing it doggy style can be kinky. Our job is not to decide what is kinky or what isn’t -because it is truly unique to the individual. Our job is to be a resource people can turn to for receiving the tools and information about how to go about their kink in the most satisfying and safe way.

What does the Pleasure Chest want to offer in the future?

A major priority for us is having an even greater supportive presence in the LGBTQ and POC communities in the outreach that we do. We want to make ourselves accessible to those who face the greatest marginalization because of their sexual/gender expression. I think we understand that we have a responsibility, especially to this younger generation that is growing up during the #MeToo movement, to not only educate, but also lead by example in actively pushing back against the perpetuation of the sex negative, toxic masculine, rape culture.

What current projects is the company working on?

Most recently, we have started becoming more accommodating to our 420 friendly customer base. The legalization of cannabis for recreational purposes has created a unique opportunity for crossover into the adult erotic lifestyle product world. The way that we are responding to this growing trend is by exploring the varieties of quality hemp based products to carry as well as expanding our smoke shop section. I believe the integration of cannabis and the adult retail business is a great opportunity for evolution within the industry.

Any closing words?

I believe that the human body is an incredible biological miracle, and the possibilities for human sexual expression are as infinite as all the people that have ever existed, and will continue to exist as long as we inhabit this planet. Therefore, I believe it to be imperative that we never lose our curiosity towards exploring and unlocking all the many ways our bodies are capable of experiencing pleasure-ways we may have never imagined before, until maybe seeing a movie, or reading a book, having a conversation, or stepping inside the Pleasure Chest.

About Michelle LaBelle

Besides being a 10 year veteran to the burlesque and Cosplay Community, Michelle LaBelle has also used her voice as an activist to create greater visibility for the Bisexual Community. In addition to being a dancer, actress, singer and writer, this proud Puerto Rican native works as a sex positive sex educator, empowering individuals to seek out their most fulfilling sex lives through consent and pleasure-based education.
IG: @themichellelabelle
Twitter: @TheMLaBelle
IG: @pleasurecheststores