• Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer
  • Home
  • About
  • New to kink?
    • Articles for beginners
  • Contribute
  • BDSM Buying Guide

Kink Weekly

BDSM articles ideas bondage erotica resource

Home » self-care

self-care

What Is Aftercare?

October 13, 2021 By Christmas Bunny 2 Comments

poly family, ethical non-monogamy
via stock.adobe.com

As more and more new people join the Kink Community on the edges and middle of the pandemic, the more I realize how little knowledge some are stepping into this world with.  I recently wrote about pain processing in kink.  Today, I want to briefly discuss the aftermath of a scene.

When we say the word scene, generally we are talking about an agreed-upon period of time between two or more people, wherein they perform some negotiated kink experience.  It may be impact, it may be needles, or humiliation, or any one of a number of kinks that people share.

As I discussed in my post on pain, the body of the receiver in this event is likely experiencing some chemical side effects, brought to them courtesy of their brain.  Adrenaline and endorphins are a potent cocktail.  When the activities we engage in trigger those chemical responses, it can be a heady experience.  Often, the person who has experienced them will be slightly euphoric or “spacey” afterwards.  Some people refer to “subspace,” but I prefer more scientific explanations of what is happening.

Because that can be a sensation that feels different for different people, some find it disorienting.  Others feel “loopy” or giggly.  Some will need to come out of that headspace gradually, while others prefer a more abrupt return to reality.  The period of time after the scene has ended is often called aftercare.

Aftercare looks different based on who you ask.  Some people want a blanket and cuddles, some want a stuffie and chocolate.   I want a high five and to be told I was a good girl.  Some take an hour to gradually ease out of that headspace, others want to giggle away in a group of friends.  In some cases, people may prefer that aftercare be administered by someone they didn’t scene with, such as a friend or relationship partner.  It is important to include negotiations for the kind of aftercare you need when you are discussing a scene with a potential partner.

If you don’t know what you need for aftercare because you are newer to this, it may be a part of your journey which requires experimentation.  Ask yourself following a scene what would bring you comfort.  Prepare for many scenarios, such as bringing a favorite comfortable item of clothing to change into, an emotional attachment object, a protein bar, or a sugary snack you enjoy in order to give yourself options when the time comes.

If you are a more experienced kinkster and know that you’ll be having a scene with less experienced players, perhaps consider packing an emergency aftercare bag with some basics in it, in case it is something they aren’t familiar with, or don’t know yet what they need.  It isn’t a terrible idea to have things on hand that help others.  That’s part of why I always carry a mini first aid kit with me to the dungeon, despite it having three available.  My band-aids are cuter.

Please remember, even though there are tops who will hand you off to someone else for aftercare because it isn’t their thing, the important part is finding healthy ways to transition yourself back to life as the chemicals leave the body – and keep these things in mind for the possible drop following after the chemicals break down even further.   What you need is what you need during this process.

Knowledge is power, and by understanding what we need on our kink journeys, we give ourselves an amazing gift.

Tagged With: aftercare, bdsm, bdsm play, bdsm relationship, bdsm scene, dominant, fetish, impact play, kink, power exchange, self-care, submissive

Talking to Your Doctor About BDSM

March 27, 2017 By Jenn Masri Leave a Comment

medical

Kink Weekly came across this article about discussing your involvement in BDSM with your healthcare professional.

Essentially the article states that many kinksters are receiving inadequate care or not seeing their doctors when they should due to a fear of judgement when it comes to their lifestyle. Another reason the article states is that they fear that the doctor will assume their partner is abusive or that they are in a domestic violence situation.
The first step for those regularly involved in BDSM or kinky activities (sexual or not) is to try and find a doctor that is more open minded. Sometimes you can do this by getting personal referrals or looking thru doctor listings on Fetlife or the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom.

Another thing to keep in mind is safety when you play. Doing your best to play in a way that will likely avoid unnecessary injury or unintended injury or marks. This can be done by playing lighter, using implements that are less likely to leave lasting marks or trying the plastic wrap method. The plastic wrap method is where you wrap the portion of the body you intend to use impact on. The bottom can still feel the impact, but marks will be less likely or lighter. (Side note – before trying this method I highly recommend some instruction by someone with experience doing plastic wrap bondage.) Another idea is being mindful of upcoming doctor appointments and either taking a break from play, or at least heavier play, as the appointment date approaches.

Regardless of these precautions you may still find yourself with some marks or possibly even injuries when you go to see your doctor. Therefore, either way it is a good idea to have a frank conversation about your BDSM involvement or kinky activities. I suggest that you either do this during your first visit with a new doctor or during a visit when you are mark and injury free. The doctor will be less likely to assume you are using it as an excuse for the marks you happen to have or that you are “covering” for an abusive partner. You can use this conversation to find out how open your doctor is as well. If their reaction is quite negative or judgmental then that may be a reason to get a referral to another physician. However, if they seem understanding and open minded then it’s one less thing to worry about moving forward.

One last thought. The vast assumption and reason why kinksters don’t open up to their healthcare providers is the fear of judgement or shaming. As you may remember if you read my article called “The Outsider”, chances are that the people you tell will be more open minded that you think. Often times people, doctors included, will surprise you. They may not only be open minded, they may also be curious! Hell, they may be kinky as well and can act as not only your doctor, but advocate too.

The bottom line is that you’re better off discussing these things with your doctor – even if it means having to find a new one – than risk not getting the care you need and deserve.

Jennifer Masri is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, specializing in Alternative Lifestyles for individual and relationship issues. She also teaches the BDSM 101 class series at Sanctuary LAX in Los Angeles every Monday evening. Read more about Jennifer on her blog, A Kink Shrink.

Tagged With: health, self-care

Primary Sidebar

Don’t miss out!

Get an email each week when new editions are online
We won't spam you, and you can
easily unsubscribe at any time

Sale – today only

Bondage kinks coffee mug

Put a smile on your face each morning

Support Kink Weekly on Patreon!

Become a Patron!

Help keep us online and get
epic good karma (and no ads)

Already a supporter? We love you! Visit here to enable ad-free browsing.

Get

Fun scene: Attach bells, instruct sub not to ring them, do something that makes her wiggle around

Contribute

Want to feature your writing or photography on Kink Weekly? Are you an BDSM/sex expert or professional, and interested in being quoted in an article? Contact us

Archives

sexy blonde Domme with male submissive in straitjacket

Simple Mummification Fun!

By PirateStan Leave a Comment

Learn helpful mummification techniques in this week’s edition!

shibari male submissive bound

Why Excellent Submission Can Be Remarkably Illusive

By Ms. RikaLeave a Comment

Dive deep into submission with Ms. Rika in this week’s edition!

Footer

18 U.S.C. 2257 record keeping compliance statement
Always play
Safe Sane and Consensual

Copyright © 2023 · News Pro On Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in