Some people seem to think that the job of the safe caller is not all that important. “It’s just what you would normally do, letting someone know where you are” is an attitude I’ve recently seen.
That is wrong. Painfully wrong. Dangerously wrong.
The purpose of a safe caller isn’t just so someone knows where you are; the other person knows you have back up; or to calm your nerves while waiting.
Yes, those may be aspects of the job. I’ve been all three of those things, because the safe caller is whatever the person going to the meeting needs them to be. Most of the time, those things are all that is needed.
The ultimate purpose of a safe caller, however, is to call the police to rescue your ass if shit goes sideways.
I know a great many wonderful people. I would not, however, pick the biggest flake to be my safe caller. Or the one I know is not good under pressure or in emergency situations. If I wouldn’t trust them to watch a puppy for the weekend, I’m not going to trust them with my life.
In fact, I have asked someone with whom I wasn’t particularly friends, because I knew she’d do the job well if shit went bad on me.
The person you select must be calm in the midst of crisis. They must be confident when speaking to authority figures, and even a little pushy about getting their point across. They must know how to efficiently give the facts without paragraphs of unnecessary information.
They must be capable of dealing effectively with 911 personnel to convey your location and the situation and get help to you as quickly as possible.
It doesn’t have to be a ten point plan, but the use of a code word can be very helpful. Say the code word is deuces. You say “Is everything deuces?” If the person on the date repeats the word back to you “Yeah, it’s totally deuces!”, shit’s gone bad and they need help. If they don’t use the word “Yeah, everything is great”, all is well.
This is a serious job.
They must not hesitate to make that call if the code word is used.
They must not fail you.
Anyone will do if you’re a little nervous waiting for the other person to arrive and are texting to fill the time.
We are talking about your personal safety. If they’re not ready, willing, and capable of calling 911 for you, should it go bad, then that person is not a safe caller.
In case you do not know…
To call 911 in a city not your own, you must know the area code for the person’s location.
Dial 1- (area code) – 911
TylerRose. is known as Dame Tyler in the NYC public SM/Fetish scene. She’s been doing this BDSM stuff for over 30 years in private and more than 12 years in public venues.
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She enjoys crochet, coffee, and baking, and will no doubt die with a thesaurus open on her thigh.
Sooo agree! So many folks think that kink is all about fun. In reality, it’s about safety and consent first and foremost
Great article and absolutely on point!
Too many people overlook this.