• Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer
  • Home
  • About
  • New to kink?
    • Articles for beginners
  • Contribute
  • BDSM Buying Guide

Kink Weekly

BDSM articles ideas bondage erotica resource

Home » bdsm community

bdsm community

Why Excellent Submission Can Be Remarkably Illusive

November 10, 2021 By Ms. Rika Leave a Comment

Shibari male submissive bound
via stock.adobe.com

 I hope you have been enjoying Rika’s Lair, my monthly column dedicated to thoughts and experiences  regarding power dynamics in Service-Oriented D/s relationships. Look up “Ms. Rika” in the search box  for links to all of my articles in KinkWeekly!  

A few weeks ago, I was talking to a submissive online (not my submissive) and we were discussing ways  that he could help his wife feel more comfortable with being dominant. As with many “vanilla” people,  the imagery of what “A Dominant is” was greatly influenced by media, her husband’s prior attempts to  introduce BDSM to her, and probably porn. She had no interest in becoming that imagery.  

We talked about changing the imagery, from the stereotypical image to something in which he would be  serving her for the person she was – without her having to change who she is.  

He suggested that he define his submission by “elevating his wife to be his queen”. He would “treat her  like royalty and he would be her loyal subject.” She would be in control of everything in her kingdom and  he would “obey her every wish”. 

He thought I’d love this suggestion and tell him what a great idea it was and how well he grasped pure submission. Only I didn’t. Rather, I started questioning him about what his wife would like, what she  really needs from him, and whether the imagery of the “Queen” would fulfill her. He was confused. He  couldn’t understand why treating her like a queen would not constitute excellent submission. 

I needed to help him understand what does constitute excellent submission – and why excellent  submission can be remarkably illusive. I decided to make the point with a more obvious analogy: Pain – and then bring it home to his situation. Here’s how it went: 

Let’s say that a guy really loves to be hurt. Perhaps he’s a true masochist and really does get off on the  pain of pain, not just the idea of pain. He decides to serve a particular partner by accepting pain. 

We agree that, if his partner does not like inflicting pain, but his partner chooses to do it – or he coerces  his partner into doing it – “for him”, that it’s not going to be considered submission to that partner…they  may still have some kinky fun, but it won’t be “submission”. Submission is FOR the dominant. 

But, let’s say that the partner REALLY loves to dole out pain. Perhaps the partner is a true sadist. In this  situation, the man’s intent to serve this partner, and his intent to serve himself completely overlap. This  is the perfect storm of sorts and is, unfortunately, kind of rare. But let’s say that’s where we are. 

In this situation it will be VERY DIFFICULT to determine if his actions are truly “submission” or not,  because his intent will be difficult to ascertain. Without the intent to fulfill the dominant, the sub’s  actions become self-serving. In some ways, we can say, “who cares – both partners are being fully  satiated by the activities”, right? Well…not really. 

Even in this situation, his real intent will show itself when/if his desires and the partner’s desires begin  to differ, either in intensity or composition. Pain is a broad category, so their differences will eventually  show. If this guy is really submissive, he will need to adapt to conform to his partner’s preferences  (assuming he can). There could be, of course, compromise…which, if BOTH partners feel serves them fully, would be submission. But, if he tries to force the partner into doing “pain” his way, it will be  manipulation and he will not be acting like a submissive. 

He understood. So, then we took it back to his example: The man wants to serve his wife and elevate  her “to be his queen”. The same scenarios apply: 

Does the wife WANT to be the queen, make all decisions, rule the kingdom and have a servant who will  obey her every order? Some might, but if not, then making her his queen would certainly be for him – but would not be submission. It can’t be submission unless SHE feels it serves her. 

If the wife feels served by being “the queen” and receives that from a position of dominance, then  certainly, his elevating her to that position in his life would be an act of submission…just as the sadist  and masochist hit the perfect storm. 

However, what if the wife wants to be the queen, but defines being “the queen” differently than he  does? Just like the masochist and sadist, how he adapts will determine his submissiveness. Is he going to  adapt his definition to cater to her preferences as the definition of his submission – perhaps appealing to  their underlying relationship level to compromise for some, or all, of the rest – or is he going to  manipulate her into assuming his definition of “queendom”? 

This will determine how “submissive” he is. 

Excellent service is hard to do. Subs who can develop and maintain that level of focus and dedication are  worth their weight in gold.  


Ms. Rika is a lifestyle dominant, educator, and author; living in the suburbs of NYC with her  husband/slave. She has written several popular books on her approach to adding Dominant-Centric,  Service-Oriented D/s to relationships. You can find her books (in both print and eBook formats) at  Lulu.com (http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/msrika), or at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, the iStore, Books-A Million, Kobo.com, or anywhere books are sold. Search for “Ms. Rika”. Write to me at  Ms_Rika@hotmail.com

Tagged With: bdsm, bdsm community, dominant, fetish, kink, power exchange dynamic, submissive, submissive headspace

Power Exchange Release Protocols

November 10, 2021 By Joji Sada Leave a Comment

power exchange couple with ribbon
via stock.adobe.com

In 1374, Geoffrey Chaucer wrote: “But at the laste, as every thing hath ende, She took hir leve, and nedes wolde wende.”

What that means, in modern English, is that “All good things must come to an end.”

It is an ideology where we, as humans, are fallible. We believe, naively, that when we enter a relationship (or a dynamic), it is a forever situation.

Most often, it is not.

It can be a great learning experience; but it is not always a forever. In fact, the ending of a dynamic teaches us coping skills and allow us to hone the ability to self-reflect. It can also teach us patience and understanding. It can even make us a better (or worse) of a person.

So, we are going to discuss what happens at the end.

First things first:  Did you negotiate release protocols at the beginning of the relationship? Did you add them at any renegotiation point afterward?

Probably not.

Even Google, in all its infinite wisdom and resources, had 2 articles on release protocols.

Why?

Because we are optimistically naive.

Release protocols are essentially a structured outline of how to ease back into being a self-sustaining human being. Beyond issues like co-dependency, which is common, I want you to look at the very core of a dynamic. We become vulnerable. And we reshape who we are to make the dynamic work.

I feel the need to specify that any type of dynamic requires give and take. The amount of which is often dependent on the type of dynamic.

For example:  

1) A dynamic that incorporates orgasm control has effectively trained an individual to respond to specific stimuli only. Most often, the submissive partner is required to ask for orgasm. This could be through verbal permission or a physical sign (such as a bell or snap of the fingers). Such training can take months of consistent, repetitive reinforcement to become effective.

So, what happens when the relationship ends? Will the submissive be left with an inability to orgasm ever again because the permission trigger (like the Dominant’s voice) is no longer available? How do you unlearn a conditioned response?

2) What about a long-term dynamic that involves a house sub or slave? 

You both spent years working on your dynamic. You went from weekends only, to D/s, to 24/7 M/s.  Now, your body, your finances, and your every decision belongs to someone else. It is a dream many of us have. But then you are looking at release. What is your plan? Where do you go? What next? 

3) There is always a strong emphasis on routines in a Power Exchange dynamic. As the relationship progresses, everyday behaviors become both an expectation and a comfort. This is especially true for those of us with mental health struggles. I am one who is deeply unsettled when routines change, or life happens. I need the consistency to be at my best, as both a submissive and as a functioning adult.

4) Unexpected death is another thing to consider. My mother ran the household with her wife. She managed the money, social responsibilities, household chores, grocery shopping, managed passwords, banking responsibilities (like the mortgage, safe deposit box, car payment, etc), and familial expectations (such as remembering birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, etc). When she died, her wife was left floundering. She had no idea where to even begin, especially since she had limited computer skills. This confusion and headache could have been avoided if there had been a reference book or instructions (such as a list of passwords, bill addresses, or monthly budget) left for her.

As the dynamic is built, those involved find what works best to cement their connection. This could be centering, maintenance spankings, and/or frequent scenes. It is any reoccurring behavior used to cope and reconnect.

Now, you face the stress of the unknown without other coping mechanisms in place. How do you replace this form of coping? Who do you ask for help? Who becomes your safe place? What happens next?


I do want to stress the fact that the ending of a dynamic is not always a bad thing.  Sometimes you simply outgrow each other and are no longer compatible. Sometimes it is mutual and sometimes it is not.

Either way, you now must reevaluate your life and figure out how to replace the structure, and accountability, from another person with something you build yourself.

So, what should you ask for?

As always, it is a personal preference. Every person will have different needs and different amounts of resiliency. I do, however, believe there are a few courtesies that should be extended.

  • Transitional Period: Essentially, each person needs to learn to rely on themselves and live alone again. This may include continuing to live together, but in separate bedrooms. It could be moving to a roommate style situation. It could also involve living apart and meeting up periodically for a set amount of time until everything is resolved and both parties are secure in their surroundings.
  • Time:  Allow yourself to grieve the loss of your dynamic and your partner. There will be an underlying desire to throw yourself into kink (sometimes unsafely) and bury the feelings of loss. Power Exchange dynamics require a vast amount of trust and vulnerability. Give yourself permission to reflect on the dynamic, the positives and negatives, and allow yourself to find closure
  • Self-Reflection: Always remember that it takes two people to actively participate in a dynamic. Reflect on your own behavior at the same time you reflect on theirs. Recognize the good and the bad within the relationship. Understand that incompatibility can simply mean you have grown in different directions. Reevaluate your boundaries, limits, needs, and wants. 
  • Safe Place/ Safety Person: While I do not advocate for bashing a partner, current or ex, I do recommend having somewhere you feel safe that you can escape to or having a person you feel safe talking to. A person who will keep your secrets, listen without judgement, and tell you the truth, even when it hurts.
  • Plan for Gear: The allocation of gear and toys may not seem extremely important at the heart of a break-up, but it is important to address. 
    • A collar, for example, is highly treasured by the subs who have them. But, by traditional values, the collar belongs to the Dominant and should be returned to His care. By the same token, a collar is often created or purchased specifically for their submissive. It should be discussed on what will happen after the dynamic.  I, for one, would be heartbroken to see Master’s collar on another sub’s neck, when it once adorned mine.
    • Toys that consistently come in contact with bodily fluids (i.e. cum, blood, urine, saliva, or anal secretions) are another area that should be discussed.  Most items can be disinfected and are safe to use on more than one person. Silicone is a great material that is easily cleanable. In comparison, wood tends to absorb the fluids it encounters, unless properly sealed. In my own dynamic, any toy that has my blood on it, or is used in my ass, is mine. It does not get used on anyone else. Should our dynamic end, those toys will either be disposed of or remain with me.
    • Role-specific adornments: items like slave bracelets/chains, wrist/ankle cuffs, leashes, roleplay clothing, or gifts of a similar vein. Depending on your dynamic, these items may fall under the same expectations as a collar and be expected to be returned to the Dominant.
  • Have Practical Expectations: Be realistic about setting a timeline for moving on. Set goals for where you want to go and when. Set a budget. Look for resources offered to those on hard times (things such as food or housing assistance, job placement, etc). Allow yourself a grace period for adjustment. Forgive yourself if things take longer than expected. You are human. You are allowed to struggle.

Regardless of when you discuss release protocols, it is never easy. It is important to remember that it is always better to be prepared, than left behind.


My name is Joji.  I am 29 years old currently and I have been in and around the kink community about 15 years.I am a collared submissive to Magick42.  I am also a Daddy to a wonderful babygirl, and have been for more than three years now and I find it very fulfilling.  I am being mentored in and being taught electroplay.  I am a masochist at heart and thoroughly love impact play, especially caning.  I enjoy reading anything I can get my hands on and am a die hard Harry Potter and Doctor Who fan.  I am also the secretary for a group in Idaho called Moscow S.P.A.R.K.E (Simply Providing Another Route to Kink Education).  It is our mission to teach safe practices to those new to the community and give them a safe haven to ask questions and learn without judgement.  We accept all kinks and all we ask in return is respect between all our members.

Tagged With: bdsm, bdsm community, dominant, fetish, kink, power exchange dynamic, submissie

This week in kink

November 10, 2021 By Desdemona Leave a Comment

Dive deep into a BDSM Fetish Model’s journey with Huff Post!

Click below to learn more!


Learn what men want during sex from SW!

Click below to find out more!


Model who married herself tries Shibari!

Click below to read more!

For’more pleasure,’ a model who’married herself’ tries out the rope-tying fetish.

Have some kinky news to share? Tell us about any upcoming BDSM events, new products, dungeon openings / closings, kink in mainstream media, and anything else you think kinky folks might be interested to hear about. Send your tips through to kinkweekly@gmail.com, and it might just end up on next week’s “This Week in Kink.”

Tagged With: bdsm, bdsm community, bdsm relationship, fetish, fetish photography, kink, shibari

Video: Meanings Of Collars In BDSM

November 10, 2021 By DesiresLaidBare Leave a Comment

Curious about collars?

Then, check out this awesome video from Desires!

Meanings of Collars in BDSM

Tagged With: bdsm, bdsm community, collaring, collaring ceremony, collars, dominant, fetish, kink, power exchange dynamic, submissive

Outdoor Play

November 4, 2021 By Baadmaster 2 Comments

hot lesbian rope bunnies
via stock.adobe.com

There are two major events that concern all of us:  the first is the Covid situation.  I pledged to stop writing about it and, to a great extent, I have kept my promise and ignored it. Which leaves the other major determinant in all our lives – the weather. 

In much of the country, there are four seasons – two of which tend to keep us indoors.  Add into that the “I promised not to mention” situation and we have become, for a greater part of the year, a nation of hermits. Thus, when I stumbled upon the following question, it seemed to be perfectly timed to the appearance of magnificent weather here in SoCal.

For those of you who follow my work, you will notice there is an overlap with a previous piece on abduction scenes.  The dangers – and the excitement –  of outdoor sex and play can be awesome.  So, with that in mind, let’s go to the question! 

Reader: With the weather being nice out, thoughts of outdoor play are on my mind. Can you give some advice on things to be watchful for? Of course… you can’t have only warnings/dangers, or your readership would boo and hiss. So, can you cover both aspects of outdoor play!

In our abduction article, we covered the dangers of outdoor BDSM play – and added a bunch of suggestions that should keep you safe and not wind up in jail. Since you are not talking about an abduction scene per se, I am going to suggest that you take D/s, as opposed to BDSM, outdoors. It is a lot safer than BDSM – after all you cannot get arrested for calling your Master “Master” at an amusement park.

What I propose is that you add some protocols that you can perform outdoors – protocols you would never bother with indoors during winter. If you are a medium protocol Dom like me, you can add some higher protocols that can be performed outside. Let’s say you are at the beach. A few months ago, you might have shivered in the windy sand. But, here in the warm outdoors, why not have your submissive serve you? Let him/her get all your food and beverages. He/she can even sneak in some nifty serving rituals. I guarantee you, no one will notice it. The great outdoors is also a good place to slip in some high protocol D/s like foot worship.

There are some great sex toys that work well in a D/s context. A wireless, remote controlled vibrator or butt plug might be edgy, but you only live twice, Mr. Bond. (The newest Bond is terrible, BTW).  Having your female submissive hike in the woods with a vibrating toy inside her, controlled by you, gives new meaning to “exploring.” Again, short of a cavity search, this is your own private secret!

Discipline can be accomplished outdoors a lot easier than indoors. If your submissive is deserving of punishment, why not give him/her a difficult outdoor task rather than the typical indoor spanking? A one-mile run should be more than enough to discourage the miscreant from repeating his/her indiscretion. You can take it one step further with an outdoor humiliation scene. Making your sub wear a baby pacifier at the park might just be the kind of degradation that will keep your sub from misbehaving. The beauty of it is that, to the vanilla public at large, it appears to be nothing more than a bit of summer madness.

There are also great summer destinations that are, unintentionally, scene friendly. I loved to go to Las Vegas with my slave. In the words of the old ad campaign, “What goes on in Vegas stays in Vegas.” Basically anything short of public sex will go unnoticed here – not because it is a libertine city (prostitution is, amazingly, illegal in Las Vegas) –  but rather a crowded one.  If you insist your slave opens doors for you, go for it. No one will raise an eyebrow. (Whether the sub opens doors for the Dom/me or vice versa is open to debate; I think it is the Dom/me’s decision.) Walk two steps behind your Master, head bowed – no one will make a comment. If you want your sub or slave to always address you as “Master,” even in a restaurant, no one here will give it a second thought. Walk through the casinos with a flogger attached to your belt, dungeon style, and you probably won’t ruffle a feather. Short of crawling behind your Master or Mistress, anything D/s goes. Even collar and leash will likely go unnoticed and unchallenged.

Many other vacation destinations, by their very nature, are somewhat scene friendly. Not by design; it just works out that way. Because they attract people whose aim is to have fun, most will give you a lot of room to play.  Additionally, much of our lifestyle has become mainstream.  So if your intention is to shock – slut writing on your slave is one way to shock many civilians – you have some extra work to do to avoid creating an angry crowd, especially with a female slave. You might also avoid the word “slave” in conservative – and even liberal – enclaves. Social rules change quickly.  Most important, be considerate. If there are kids around, be circumspect or take your play out of their range. 

I remember once, on South Beach in Miami, I was lightly spanking my submissive on the beach.  A couple passed by, stopped and watched. After a while, the female said, “Oooh, that looks like fun!” And it was!


After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.

Tagged With: bdsm, bdsm community, bdsm play, bdsm relationship, bdsm scene, fetish, kink

This week in kink: November 8, 2021

November 4, 2021 By Desdemona 2 Comments

New to the scene?

Then, check out this awesome article on things to be mindful of when trying out BDSM from NewsOnDot!


Don’t miss this extensive list of fetishes and kinks from Glamour!

Click below to read more!


Want to dive deeper into your erotic desires?

Then, click below to learn more about the Erotic Blueprint Quiz from Distractify!


Have some kinky news to share? Tell us about any upcoming BDSM events, new products, dungeon openings / closings, kink in mainstream media, and anything else you think kinky folks might be interested to hear about. Send your tips through to kinkweekly@gmail.com, and it might just end up on next week’s “This Week in Kink.”

Tagged With: bdsm, bdsm community, bdsm play, bdsm relationship, bdsm safety, bdsm scene, fetish, kink

Video: How To Stay Safe While Exploring BDSM And Meeting People

November 4, 2021 By Evie Lupine 2 Comments

It’s so important to be safe when playing!

Click below to learn useful BDSM safety tips from the amazing Evie!

How to Stay Safe While Exploring BDSM & Meeting People!

Tagged With: bdsm community, bdsm play, bdsm safety, bdsm scene, consensual, consent, negotiation, safety

Temperature Play vs. Chemical Play

October 27, 2021 By Joji Sada 3 Comments

two sexy submissives in gas masks
via stock.adobe.com

More than once, I have talked about definitions.  I have learned over the years that compatible definitions prevent miscommunication.  

It wasn’t until recently that I came to understand my definition of temperature play was not the same as the broader community.  To me, temperature play is any type of play that brings intentional hot or cold sensation to the skin.  In my experiences with temperature play, I have had wax, ice, anbesol, capsaicin cream, and icy hot used.  

For perspective, I need to express how sensitive my skin is.  I have three conditions that affect me the most.  

Cold Urticaria is an allergy to cold.  It causes intense itchiness, hives, and swelling of the skin that was exposed.  A cold glass (such as a drink with ice in it) can cause my hands to swell if held for more than 2 or 3 minutes.

Cholinergic Urticaria is an allergy to heat.  It causes intense itchiness and hives.  I rarely swell from the heat, but it happens occasionally.  I wear driving gloves in the summer to allow me to touch my steering wheel to drive to work.  A hot cup of cocoa or a hot plate of dinner are often too much to touch my bare skin.

Dermatographia (Skin writing disease) is a sensitivity of the skin that causes any kind of surface scratch (meaning no skin is broken) to turn into welts or hives.  Something as simple as nails across my skin can welt for a couple of hours and look like I was in a fight.

All three of these are treated with antihistamines like Benadryl.  I am allergic to those.

As I am sure you can imagine, my kink looks different than yours.  I know which sensations affect me more than others and Master will decide how we play depending on the condition of my body at the time.  Ice is the hardest for me to play with.  So, we do not often use it.  Cold is the second hardest since it takes me hours to warm back up.  We play with that more often (such as having the playroom cooled with a fan or AC).  It tends to intensify the sensations of impact without cold implements touching my skin.  

Now that I have expressed how sensitive my skin is, let me explain that I am allergic to most chemicals.  I have a specific body soap, shampoo, and laundry detergent I can use.  I often break into hives just by touching everyday objects that have minimal residue from other people.  

If you can hear the frustrations of testing the waters of temperature play over the years, then I am sure you are snickering at my misfortune.  Now, we simply shrug off the physical representations (like hives) and Master pays more attention to my body language and verbal communication.


Whew.

That was a lot of physical limitations to cover, wasn’t it?  Are you wondering how I function?  Don’t worry, some days I do too.

Master and I enjoy pushing ourselves.  Which, in turn, means people believe we play risky.  If you watch us scene, I often finish with excessive welting.  I refuse to allow my skin to prevent my ability to explore different types of play.

So, back to where this conversation started.

Temperature play.

Since my skin has such unique reactions to everyday items, I have always counted temperature play as anything that affects my skin.  Things like icy hot, which burn me, fall under “hot” sensations.  Things like anbesol, which can turn your nerve endings to ice when combines with a fan, fall under “cold” sensations.

I got into a debate with someone about my definitions.  “Because,” they said, “you are advocating for chemical play, not temperature play.”

Well, I had honestly never thought about it.  

But I had to ask myself one major question, “does definition matter?”

Between Master and I, this new categorization did not matter.  Why?  Because He and I are aware of my medical issues, and we adjust accordingly.  I am physically affected by both chemical and natural compounds.  So, what we call it isn’t that important as long as we play safely.

However, my definition does matter in regard to the education I provide to the local community. Temperature play and chemical play has different safety measures that should be considered.  

So, I am going to share with you some of the differences I have learned.

Firstly, both types of play fall under an umbrella term: Sensation Play.

Sensation play is basically any type of play that is intentionally meant to push the sensory limits of an individual.  This can include soft touches (like feathers), hot and cold sensations (such as the use of fire, ice, or wax), sharp touches (like pinwheels or needles), varying textures (like sandpaper), or the removal of one sensation to enhance other sensations (such as blindfolds or noise cancelling headphones).

If we are being honest, I would say 75% of play can fall under this umbrella.  So, the key is that Sensation Play is about intent.

Then we have Temperature and Chemical play.

Temperature play is the use of naturally occurring items (like ice) that cause the body temperature to rise or fall.  This can be an entire body experience (such as playing outside in inclement weather) or localized to singular spots on the body.

It has been specified to me, by a couple of people, that I am no longer allowed to consider urine/water sports as temperature play.  It, apparently, requires its own negotiation and classification.

It is generally expected that the temperature changes need to happen on bare skin, but I am not opposed to the idea that playing naked in 20-degree weather or playing fully dressed in a sweat suit in the summer, falls under this category.

**Please beware of the hazards of heat stroke and/or hypothermia if attempting the aforementioned ideas**


For the following discussion, please understand that I do not advocate the attempt of this type of play, nor do I advocate the use of any of the chemicals listed, on anyone beyond myself. I use the acronym P.R.I.C.K (Personal Risk, Informed Consensual Kink).  You are all adults.  What you do with your partner and/or with your body is your responsibility.

Chemical Play is the use of chemicals to produce a specific reaction or sensation on the body.  The most common items are tabasco, icy hot, rubbing alcohol, peppermint/spearmint, and ginger.

The most fascinating aspect, to me, is that many of these items fall under more than one type of play.  

  • Rubbing alcohol, for example, can be lit (by either a source of fire or electricity) and now you may be taking part in fire and/or electrical play.  
  • Ginger oil would fall under chemical play due to its reactions with the excretions of the body.  But ginger root, which causes similar reactions, falls under food play.
  • Tabasco creates a similar burning that icy hot does.  However, because it is edible, it also falls under food play.
  • Peppermint/Spearmint can cause cooling, burning, or numbing sensations.  They can increase sensitivity in the mouth and genitals.  The sensation can come from chemical sources (such as mouthwash), natural food items (such as mints, gum, candy), or artificial chemical means (such as anbesol—which does not taste like peppermint but creates the same sensations).
  • By definition, wax is also a type of chemical play.  However, it is generally considered its own entity.

*Regardless of the type of chemical play you may decide to play in, I recommend testing your reaction on a small, generally non-sensitive patch of skin first.  The forearm or leg are a great place to start…before deciding to use it as lube.


Whether you want to delve into temperature play, chemical play, or any other type of play that crosses over, the most important advice I can give is to know your partner.  Beyond their limits, know their reactions.

Master and I are aware that many of the items we use will cause a reaction on my skin.  Hives are something that we most often just brush aside.  He knows to look for a reaction like dizziness or excessive lethargy to signify a more substantial reaction that may need medical intervention.

However, if anyone else is on his table, and he sees hives or welts (beyond the expected results of the type of play), he will call the scene and move into aftercare/medical mode.  

It is always important to include allergies when you negotiate.  As I mentioned above, hives are often treated with medications like Benadryl.  Benadryl, if given to me, causes seizures. I would rather deal with the hives and the itchiness than the seizures.  

My restrictions make me extremely cautious regarding pick-up play.  My style of negotiation (blanket consent) does not give me the personal freedom of experimenting with anyone outside of Master (or anyone Master chooses). These are my choices.

But, that does not mean you cannot experiment.  If you have medical issues, you need to remember a couple important points.

  1. Advocate for yourself.  Do not compromise your health.  Know your allergies, your reactions, your cures.  
  2. Medications taken and allergies (to medication or otherwise) should always be disclosed to your partner.
  3. Keep your emergency contact information within reach.  On the off chance that you become non-responsive, your play partner should know who to contact, whether 911 is necessary or not.
  4. Respect the preferences of your potential partner.  If they do not feel comfortable having a scene with someone with medical restrictions, respect that.  Patience is difficult, but your safety is worth it.
  5. Allow yourself to work within your limits for pick-up play.  I recommend pushing limits with a more permanent partner or one intimately familiar with your restrictions.

And, above all, know your partner’s definitions.


My name is Joji.  I am 29 years old currently and I have been in and around the kink community about 15 years.I am a collared submissive to Magick42.  I am also a Daddy to a wonderful babygirl, and have been for more than three years now and I find it very fulfilling.  I am being mentored in and being taught electroplay.  I am a masochist at heart and thoroughly love impact play, especially caning.  I enjoy reading anything I can get my hands on and am a die hard Harry Potter and Doctor Who fan.  I am also the secretary for a group in Idaho called Moscow S.P.A.R.K.E (Simply Providing Another Route to Kink Education).  It is our mission to teach safe practices to those new to the community and give them a safe haven to ask questions and learn without judgement.  We accept all kinks and all we ask in return is respect between all our members.

Tagged With: bdsm, bdsm community, bdsm medical play, bdsm play, bdsm relationship, bdsm scene, dominant, fetish, kink, submissive, temperature play

This week in kink news: November 1, 2021

October 27, 2021 By Desdemona 2 Comments

Learn what identifiers such as bottom and top say about your sex life with Well + Good!

Click below to find out more!

What Identifiers Like Top, Bottom, Vers, and Side Mean in the Scope of a Healthy Relationship With Sex

Dive deep into what it means to be bisexual with Paper!

Click below to read more!

Jen Winston on How to Be a Greedy Bisexual – PAPER (papermag.com)


Interested in ethical non-monogamy?

Then, check out this intriguing article on the subject from refinery29!


Have some kinky news to share? Tell us about any upcoming BDSM events, new products, dungeon openings / closings, kink in mainstream media, and anything else you think kinky folks might be interested to hear about. Send your tips through to kinkweekly@gmail.com, and it might just end up on next week’s “This Week in Kink.”

Tagged With: bdsm, bdsm community, fetish, kink, poly relationships

Video: Symbols Of Ownership

October 27, 2021 By Kinky Assignments 2 Comments

Want to learn more about the symbols of power exchange dynamics?

Then, click below to find out more!

Collars and other symbols of ownership and submission in a BDSM relationship

Tagged With: bdsm, bdsm community, bdsm relationship, dominant, fetish, kink, submissive

  • Go to page 1
  • Go to page 2
  • Go to page 3
  • Interim pages omitted …
  • Go to page 14
  • Go to Next Page »

Primary Sidebar

Don’t miss out!

Get an email each week when new editions are online
We won't spam you, and you can
easily unsubscribe at any time

Sale – today only

Bondage kinks coffee mug

Put a smile on your face each morning

Support Kink Weekly on Patreon!

Become a Patron!

Help keep us online and get
epic good karma (and no ads)

Already a supporter? We love you! Visit here to enable ad-free browsing.

Get

Fun scene: Attach bells, instruct sub not to ring them, do something that makes her wiggle around

Contribute

Want to feature your writing or photography on Kink Weekly? Are you an BDSM/sex expert or professional, and interested in being quoted in an article? Contact us

Archives

sexy blonde Domme with male submissive in straitjacket

Simple Mummification Fun!

By PirateStan Leave a Comment

Learn helpful mummification techniques in this week’s edition!

shibari male submissive bound

Why Excellent Submission Can Be Remarkably Illusive

By Ms. RikaLeave a Comment

Dive deep into submission with Ms. Rika in this week’s edition!

Footer

18 U.S.C. 2257 record keeping compliance statement
Always play
Safe Sane and Consensual

Copyright © 2023 · News Pro On Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in