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The film, 50 Shades Of Grey, has been widely debated and commented on within the Kink Community.
This week, BDSMer Kat Blaque gives her opinion of this movie and how it represents those in the lifestyle.
Click below to find out more!
When negotiating a scene, an aspect which can often be forgotten (especially with new people) is aftercare. It can be entirely too easy to overlook, as it can often seem as such a natural cap, good or bad. Why would you possibly need to discuss it ahead of time; it’ll just happen, right?
But no, it might not. Also there’s more than one way to aftercare, and not everybody’s going to agree on what’s right or wrong. And there’re some for whom aftercare isn’t even necessary.
Aftercare, for the record, is the physical/emotional cartaking that occurs after a scene, usually for the sub, but also for the Dom. It can vary in intimacy and intensity depending on the relationship between the two, the intensity of the scene, or simply the overall environment.
But why is aftercare necessary? Because a BDSM scene tends to be an intense, superchaged, and traumatic experience, especially for the sub. Sure, it’s usually cathartic as well, but it can still put someone through the wringer; sort of how running a few miles can make you feel great, but you’ll still need that period of cooldown (and maybe a shower) before you can feel relatively back to normal.
Again, different people, different scenes, can require different sorts of aftercare. But a good rule of thumb involves a few simple checkpoints:
– Check everyone over for physical injuries that need to be tended to immediately. There may be cuts that need bandaging, bruises that require icing, or burns that require salves. While I’ve never personally had a scene this physically intense, YMMV.
– Support them (as they may be shaky), walking them to an area where you can both sit together, snuggling as needed. They’ll probably need a blanket to wrap themselves up with. Be certain to have water handy.
– Sit quietly until they come back to the land of the living. Even if they’ve been happily ensconced in subspace they’ll need varying degrees of time to return to reality.
– Once they’re lucid, engage them in some light conversation. Perhaps discuss the scene about what you both liked and disliked. But don’t expect any heavy conversation at this point.
– Finally, get both of yourselves dressed and clean up your playspace (if you haven’t had someone to do this for you already). Now’s a good time to hit the buffet or the fridge, as some people are absolutely ravenous after a good scene. And always be sure that you both hydrate!
– Later you may want to chat further and in-depth regarding your scene together. I’ve found these sorts of conversations to be extremely helpful.
– The next day, call or send a text to see how they’re doing. Even if you’re not trying to set up a long-term relationship, this is the sort of followup you really should engage in, so tell them ahead of time and see that they’re alright with it. Many subs aren’t aware of the sort of subdrop they’ll face the day after a scene. Different sorts of foods can help alleviate this (chocolate is often a good one).
Of course, there are many variants on all this. The time required can be anywhere from five to 30 minutes (or more). Some people require little to no aftercare (although the latter is very rare in my experience). Sometimes there’s a third party involved who’ll take on some or all of the aftercare duties (such as a Dom or Master of their own). And depending on the intimacy of the couple, some parts may be omitted, or become much more intense.
Regardless of how you do it, aftercare is an extremely important part of any scene, and should always be a critical part of your negotiations.
PirateStan has been involved in his local BDSM community since 2007, after having had a lifelong inclination towards it. He currently lives a contented life in Southeastern Virginia with his girl, zeirah, while working by day for a Major Metropolitan Publication.
So many folks have had their worlds turned upside down due to the pandemic. This has left many feeling like nothing is in their control and hopeless.
Because of this, Tracey Anne Duncan writes about how BDSM can help us gain back a sense of control during these trying times.
Click below to read more!
Kink and BDSM, for many, are so much more than something sexy to do!
There have been a lot of mental and emotional benefits experienced by those that are in the lifestyle.
BDSM can help reduce anxiety, chronic pain, improve mood, and so much more!
Click below to read more about this from Refinery29!
More often than not, submission and feminism are not thought to go hand in hand.
We here at KinkWeekly feel it’s important to talk about these topics and explore all sides of how they might go together and might oppose each other.
Everything is about the grey after all!
Click below to explore these intriguing topics further with Feminism in India!
Have some kinky news to share? Tell us about any upcoming BDSM events, new products, dungeon openings / closings, kink in mainstream media, and anything else you think kinky folks might be interested to hear about. Send your tips through to kinkweekly@gmail.com, and it might just end up on next week’s “This Week in Kink.”
New to scene?
Curious why you’re drawn to the BDSM lifestyle?
Want to hear other kinksters talk about their experiences?
Then, don’t miss this week’s video by Desires Laid Bare!
I first got exposed to what I refer to as “my darkness” when I was 16. I was a gymnast on tour in West Berlin, a real liberal city in those days. Sex shops on every corner it seemed. I purchased a hard-core porn magazine with straight up kink that included bondage. It also had long essays in the back. I read and re-read one particular story that aroused me in ways I did not fully understand. It was a story about a mother-daughter team of geisha girls who serviced their client together. The story described him torturing the daughter’s breasts by pinching her nipples so hard she screamed while the mother tongue fucked his ass and stroked his cock. The climax was him fucking the mother’s ass while she ate her daughter’s pussy, and when he got close, she called out to him to “Hurry up and cum and then piss in my ass before you lose your hard on.” I stroked my cock to that story thousands of times! I never understood at the time that my fantasies around that story were really my first look into my own darkness.
At 17, I had a much more direct experience that caused me to experience direct arousal. I played footsie with a girl, K, who sat in front of me in class. She would often masturbate in class while sitting on my foot. One day she created a disturbance and was brought to the front of the class for punishment. She got caned. She took her strokes without a word, and then, returning to her desk, she sat on my foot and had a massive vocal orgasm that the class misunderstood as a cry of anguish. This awakened something in me, although I’m clear that the glimpse into the darkness, was only a crack in my vanilla shell.
At age 26 I married the preacher’s kid, and she was pure vanilla in bed. I found myself in my late 20’s spending time reading the “Back-Page” personals of the local free papers where women and men were very direct in their seeking posts. This was evident by them inviting hard core kink into their lives. I was so intrigued and also quite envious. I talked to several of these women and found the conversations seamless. I was naturally dominant and they soaked up my fantasies. Eventually my growing desire for kink had me connect with a sub who got turned on by my fantasy about handcuffing her to the park bench at the local university and using her repeatedly there. She invited me to meet her and to take her home to give her a hard spanking with a wooden paddle. It was my first experience as a Dom. I saw her a couple of times.
Meanwhile, in my vanilla life, when we were packing to move our house, my wife found the toys I had purchased in a bag that I had placed at the back of a file drawer in the garage. She confronted me right there in the garage, and so I shared with her what I had done and why. She kink-shamed me and insisted that I “Get rid of the toys.” I contacted the sub that I had played with and gave her a departing hug as I handed her the toys I had only ever used in a scene with her. She was tearful at the moment, and although I never saw her again, we kept in touch and I learned that she had connected with a Dom with whom she was happy. Even though my wife kink-shamed me, she would ask me to tell her about the play scenes I had engaged in with other women during our own foreplay. That is not to say that she approved of me playing with other women. She also made it clear that she wasn’t interested in exploring her sexuality in kink beyond fantasy. Kink was for other people.
Over time, my darkness pulled me to seek out a variety of kinky experiences on a slightly more frequent basis which had the natural impact of my wife and I drifting further and further apart as we became estranged. Our divorce was the natural result of the space growing between us day-by-day.
After the marriage was over, I had made the choice to explore the darkness. I was fortunate to experience a truly kinky existence where I got to do whatever I wanted, with whom I wanted, as much as I wanted, and as often as I wanted. I got really related to the darkness within, but I found the lack of intimacy the key driving force in my ongoing search.
That search led eventually to creating a 24/7 TPE dynamic in relationship with Lady Petra, with whom I have a sex forward, deeply kinky and truly loving relationship.
That’s the preamble to my thoughts about the role of kink in forming truly loving relationships.
Here is the premise. As human beings, sex is one of the most powerful driving motivators of behavior. It’s also true that sex is one of the primary sources of space between a couple. To put it another way, conflict about sex causes couples to build distrust which gradually becomes contempt for one another. Consider that it’s very common to have fantasies about other partners while engaging in sex with your partner. It was true for me and it was certainly true for my wife as well. When we had sex, I would always fantasize about my ideal kink scenarios which more often than not were scenes like the one I read about all those years, or my high school experience watching K get caned, and (this is the important part) I would never tell my wife about my fantasies. So as time passed, there was more and more space between us. The less we talked about our deeply held sexual desires, the more inclined I was to seek satisfaction outside of our marriage. On a gradient, more and more space developed between us. From 10,000 feet up, it was obvious, although in retrospect, the space was not even slightly visible to me at the moment.
I know now that as humans we live inside of stories. Stories about sexuality are deeply held self-beliefs. We create self-talk like: “I am not …. enough” or “I can’t have …” etc. At any given moment, and because we live inside of a story hidden from our view, we don’t realize that the story is driving the context of our life. Even as the impacts mount, the reality is hidden from our view. Gaining access to this information, that those self-beliefs give us context, was key for me to be able to create something new like the dynamic that I have created with Lady Petra.
What I have with her, is what we call a created relationship that is sourced in kink. Which means that in the context of our sexuality we have regular and authentic conversations about what we like, what we desire, and what we don’t like or want to experience. There is nothing wrong and she can ask or request anything as can I. She creates me as her Dom, and I create her as my sub. This means that there is quite literally no space between us that arises from unspoken sexual desire. We also have a commitment to not allow any space to occur. Unspoken withholds are out of integrity. The result is that we are able to ongoingly create unimpeded connection. The fact that we allow no space between us and that our relatedness and connection continues to expand and grow inside of an integrous relationship means that we get infinitely closer and closer together and it feels like we are one.
We describe palpable “magnetism” between us. She experiences my energy as much as any other part of my being. The energy between us pulls us closer together. We experience it as “animal magnetism.” The sex is ridiculously hot. Its naughty, its kinky, its passionate, its daily.
So to summarize:
Having an authentic relationship sourced in kink with both partners in full unconstrained communication provides an opening for a deeper connection which is self-fulfilling as the couple gets closer and closer
till the magnetism itself takes over and the couple is drawn together with an unbreakable electro chemical bond.
In that as kinksters we explore our darkest fantasies in reality, a significant cause of human inauthenticity is resolved, making the fullness of relationship available.
The closeness that kink creates, especially in the context of an aligned D/s couple, allows ever deeper sharing to occur. So closeness creates closeness. It’s the source of our ability to connect energetically.
Consider that the difference between almost boiling water and actually boiling water creates a change in state of the water such that instead of just being able to make tea, you can actually move a train. That same idea is true in relationship. If you are all in with the integrity that kink creates and allows for, the dynamic can also experience a change in state. One that solidifies a relationship with superglue.
Kink, practiced correctly, that is to say with integrity and authenticity in the dynamic, causes relationship.
I wrote this prose recently:
I have had the experiences of a lifetime
I have endured the long painful existence of a mostly sexless vanilla marriage
I have explored being a “fuck-any-slut” Dom
I have explored polyamory to a degree
I have been a Bull to hotwives
I have discovered my true self expression as a Dom and as a Sadist
I have collared a submissive masochist
I am living in a 24/7 TPE
What is so is that I am more fulfilled sexually, emotionally and in relationship that I have ever been in all my life
Kink was my access to happiness
In truth, gratitude is the access to happiness
Through kink, I found a partner with whom I am truly aligned
With her I am experiencing love and happiness for the first time in my life
I am experiencing a state of bliss
Kink was my access to happiness
I am grateful for my kinky existence
Saffermaster and Lady Petra offer Kink Relationship Coaching, and produce the podcast Kinky Cocktail Hour which is available in most directories. You can find them on their Patreon Lady Petra Playground or reach then via email SafferMaster@gmail.com or LadyPetraPlayground@gmail.com. SafferMaster and Lady Petra are teaching a webinar on DatingKinky.com titled “What’s in Your Kinky Toolbox” which can be found on the Dating Kinky webinar page.
I’ve been involved in the scene for well over a decade and have learned a tremendous amount in a relatively short amount of time. I’ve gone from clueless noob, to less clueless noob, to vaguely less clueless but not noob, to knowing some stuff, to knowing enough stuff to be in a relationship, to being happy to not need to know all the things. It’s been a fun, somewhat peril-filled journey that’s inevitable even if it’s not necessarily what I might have thought.
During that time I’ve encountered a great many predators, both anecdotally and personally. And, like the mythical Hydra, each time one seems to be dealt with and expunged, two more crop up to take their place. Worse, some of them are like a bad penny, turning up again and again.
So how does one define a predator? Simply put, they’re someone who’s out only for themselves, a narcissist, sociopath, or psychopath who’s only interested in gratifying their own desires. They have little to no regard for anyone else, existing only in their own head and scratching their own itches.
They tend to be unsafe players intentionally, as they’re often sadists who’re indifferent to the inclinations of those under them. They’ll beat someone black-and-blue or even bloody, all the while complaining about the bottom’s inadequacy in taking pain. They’ll clumsily tie someone ignoring trigger points and nerves, causing pain and permanent damage. Needless to say, they’re no fans of safe words.
And of course, they have a tendency to prey on new people.
So yeah, I’ve… we’ve as a community… encountered them. And inevitably we drive them out. We’ve won! Game over!
Except it isn’t.
Many of them hang out in the periphery of any local community, sniping new profiles on FetLife, contacting them and ingratiating themselves, even as they denigrate the local scene. They’re bad people, but it can also be easy to warn new people away from them. Stick to the groups and you’ll be fine, right?
Sure, except for the groups that are harboring predators or, worse, are run by predators.
They’re the groups with a member (or members) that seem to have an inordinate number of consent violations against them, yet seem to enjoy an otherwise sterling reputation, particularly amongst the leadership (with whom they’re best friends). Often the defense which is given is, “I’ve never seen them do anything bad,” or, “They’ve never done anything to me.” Both of which are, of course, utter and complete horse shit.
You’d think that in a age of #MeToo we’d be better at believing the victim. But it turns out that we’re not. Perhaps we’re too proud of the “consent culture” we’re providing but, if someone’s got a lot of consent violations floating around them, they need to be addressed.
And then there are the groups that are actually run by said predators, often under the auspices of being a group for new people, a sort of “101 group”. Sure they may well do a decent job of presenting 101-style topics and throwing parties which are highly welcoming for newbies. But they also serve as a target-rich environment for the predators at the top.
Ask yourself this; how often have you seen a group’s leadership take a surprising, personal interest in a promising, pretty new member, and then said member is gone within six months? Consider the concept that they’ve been abused and tossed aside, never to return to something they once craved but are now soured on.
There are more subtle examples as well, people who were once eager and wide-eyed and remain as more cynical and suspicious individuals.
We also need to notice that these predatory “community leaders” have a tendency to push out the best people in the actual community; they don’t like the competition nor the fact that they’ll get called out for their bad behavior. My personal count is seventeen, people with whom I was good friends, but who I now only see at private events, disgusted as they are with the public scene.
Of course it’s not all bad news. Many of said “good people”, as well as those who’ve seen their consent violated, go on to form their own groups, often to bring in new people and help them navigate what they see as a complicated and potentially dangerous scene. I know of a few locally, and it warms my heart to see them thriving.
But how can you tell the two apart, the predator-led groups from the good-people-led groups?
Honestly, as a newbie, you often can’t. Both can have sterling reputations, with large memberships and long histories. Indeed, the “good” groups may have a shorter history with fewer members.
In the end, it’s up to you. Use your best judgement, trust your instincts, trust your feelings. Predators can have a way of saying the right things, and a practiced manner of ingratiating themselves, but it always feels wrong. Go with your gut. The good people will always feel good.
PirateStan has been involved in his local BDSM community since 2007, after having had a lifelong inclination towards it. He currently lives a contented life in Southeastern Virginia with his girl, zeirah, while working by day for a Major Metropolitan Publication.
Ah, to discover the kink community after living a vanilla life. What an exciting and potentially nerve-wracking time in your life. When we look at kink development, many kinksters will say that there were signs of kinkhood early in adolescence, some even in childhood. While at that young age, there were not words to understand it, many folks had a preoccupation with pain or various objects more so than that of their peers. It was those early interests that flourished and eventually turned into formal and understandable kinks. While many folks have felt their kinkiness throughout most of their lives, there are plenty of individuals who discover this new version of themselves in later adulthood, whether intentionally or by accident.
Stepping into the kink world can be scary. It is easy to feel like everyone knows what they’re doing, and you are the odd person out. The amazing thing about kink is that there is always room to grow, even for the most experienced players. So much of kink is about evolving and transforming and pushing past what we all think is even possible. Several things are essential to remember when beginning this journey, and I am hoping to give you some helpful tips to guide you on your way.
Take Your Time
Patience may be hard to come by when you are engaging in something brand new. It can be even more challenging when this brand new thing provides pleasure in a way that has not been experienced before. While the desire to jump headfirst into the kinky pool may be overwhelming, it can be beneficial to take your time as you navigate this new way of life. Slowing down and pacing yourself can actually be quite helpful in the long run. When experiencing play for the first time, you may want to spend time processing the experience so that you can get a more firm understanding of what it is you actually want in this kinky world. The exciting thing about kink, and really sex in general, is that exploration can occur throughout our lifetime. Remember hearing about the outbreaks of STIs in retirement homes? While this may not be something to strive towards (as safety and health are essential), it shows us that sexual exploration can truly last our entire lives. So, take your time and enjoy the journey because there will always be a new destination when it comes to kink.
Consent is everything
I cannot stress enough that consent is everything. If there is ever a time that you are approached in the community by someone who wants to play without any negotiation, I highly encourage you to decline. Consent is what allows for mitigation of risk, so while risk will not be entirely off the table with proper negotiation, unwanted harm will certainly be less likely to occur. One of the pillars of kink play is consent, so it is incredibly important that the idea of consent gets woven into your mind from the beginning.
You are not alone
If you are new to kink, it can be very common to feel immense anxiety mixed in with your excitement. It is easy to feel like everyone else is more experienced or that you do not know what you are doing. While it may be the case that there are kinksters who are well versed in their practice, there are always newcomers who are starting from scratch. You are not alone in your kink journey. Every person who you look up to in this world started precisely where you are. Kink practice is just that, a practice. It takes time and effort to be able to perfect a technique or be able to execute a new action that has not been done before. Kink is about the ongoing journey of learning. The beauty of this community of practicing kink is that you will always have room to continue to grow and evolve. If you can put in the time to getting to know members of the community, you will quickly learn that you are not in this alone.
Don’t be afraid to ask for guidance
Kink can be confusing, complicated, scary, and even risky. Any new experience can bring up feelings of nervousness, and one of the best ways to work through that is to ask for help. Many professionals in the field can assist you in this process. From therapists who are experts in kink (like me!) to professional Dom/subs/etc., to other members of the community, there is often room for guidance. Fortunately, technology allows us to connect with kinksters from all over the world, so even if you are not in a particularly kinky town, you may be able to establish online relationships that can assist you on your journey.
This is an exciting time in your life. In fact, this is the beginning of a journey that can transform how you explore your identity. By taking things slow, remembering that consent is key, asking for help, and finding community, you will likely increase your chances of having a positive experience in this fun and exciting world. Dipping your toes into the kinky pool may be a little bit startling at first, but as you slowly continue to enter, you will find yourself much more comfortable and soon fully immersed in the world of kink.
Elyssa Rice is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist specializing in the Kink and Alternative Lifestyle community. She is a writer, lecturer and advocate for sexual empowerment and sexual freedom. She has a private practice in Los Angeles, CA and is dedicated to shifting the narrative about both the mental health and Kink community.
Can you tell us a little about how the Pleasure Chest got its start?
The Pleasure Chest started in 1971 in New York, at the height of the sexual revolution. Founders Duane Colglazier and Bill Rifkin started out selling waterbeds, but found unexpected success in selling erotic novelties like mood lighting, cock rings, and handcuffs. They decided to turn the store into a full-fledged sex shop.
The company’s first location in the West Village in 1971, challenged convention by refusing to block out the store windows with XXX, which was standard for any store with adult material. Its founders aimed to create a department store feel. This simple principle continues to guide and set the Pleasure Chest apart today, now under the leadership of Duane’s nephew Brian Robinson.
What is your job title for the Pleasure Chest? How did you begin working there? What is your background concerning the Adult/Fetish Industry?
Currently I am a Sex Specialist and Sex Educator. The road here starts with me (as a Theater Education major at the University of Puerto Rico: Rio Piedras) putting myself through college working in the adult industry as an exotic dancer and nude model. About three years later, I moved to Miami and eventually transitioned into doing burlesque and teaching pole dance fitness. Upon relocating to California five years ago, I returned to stripping after a break up that left me broke and almost homeless. A burlesque performer I was dating at the time suggested I apply at The Pleasure Chest since I was looking for something with more regular hours. I interviewed and got the job, knowing that becoming a Sex Educator was my primary goal.
What do you love the most about working there?
I love having the opportunity to help people find the tools they need to better love themselves and each other. I love empowering people to feel comfortable in their sexual experimentation, exploration, and expression of themselves. Redirecting sex negatives attitudes and teaching people about consent is very rewarding for me as well.
In your opinion, what would you say are the company’s core values?
Sex positivity, pleasure based sex education, inclusivity, and adaptability.
What is the Pleasure Chest’s overall mission? How does the company go about accomplishing this?
To provide a non-judgmental, safe space where individuals are free to explore lifestyle products that will enrich their sex lives, regardless of spending capacity. We do this by hiring folks that are not only personally invested in their community, but are also actively a part of it, by carrying a wide range of products from low to high price points (which allows us to maintain accessibility to every demographic), and by offering free sex positive, pleasure-based, workshops and events to support and build up the community.
What is unique about your company and store? What do you feel customers can gain/experience uniquely there?
I believe the level of training we receive first and foremost sets us apart from other adult retailers in this industry. Not only from vendors, but from social justice groups as well. As the language around sexuality and gender has evolved, we have had diversity trainings to better serve all facets of the LGBTQ Community. We make a conscious choice to use gender neutral language, whether it is on the sales floor or in our classes. At the LA location, the team is really more like a family. With this being said, customers are met with friendly, compassionate, and knowledgeable staff. We hear them out, we laugh together, sometimes we cry together. We make sure they leave with what they need, knowing how it is used as well as how to clean and care for their product. They get a curated experience that you won’t find in many other stores or online.
Can you elaborate more on your events and classes that you have at your store? How do they help achieve the company’s overall goals?
For our sex education programming, we try to have a decent amount of variety of topics and instructors while still maintaining staples like Suck It, Live It, Love It (an oral sex class for everyone) and Butt Sex Basics as a regular part of our repertoire. Classes are a great way for people to experience a different facet of the store while they are learning something new or expanding on what they already know. Our workshops are always free, and if customers fill out a feedback form we offer them a 15% discount after the class. They get to buy a product(s) that they might have seen featured in the class at an accessible price, and we learn how to make our workshops an even better experience every time.
We also do community building events like “Performance Anxiety,” which is our comedy night, and Cirque Sexualle, a bi-monthly free burlesque show that showcases POC performers. These events all help the Pleasure Chest to achieve its goal of being more than just another adult retailer. We want to be a hub for the community as well, and a safe place to gather, learn, laugh and get turned on in ways that we aren’t typically privileged to in our usual lives.
What types of products do you sell? What companies in your opinion are the best?
Literally everything! Novelties, lingerie, lubricant, massage oils, personal care items, condoms, books, dvds, couples toys, vibrators, dildos, harnesses, anal toys, masturbation sleeves, cock rings, kink implements, electro-play devices. I mean, it’s endless. In my opinion, companies that focus on sustainability and ethical production practices without sacrificing the quality of their product are best to me. In my book, that happens to be Fun Factory. All their products are made by hand in Germany where they employ locals who are unionized, are paid a living wage, and have healthcare. They don’t use any harmful chemicals in the production of their devices, or the devices themselves or the packaging. So, their environmental impact is neutral. That is a major turn on for me.
What do you feel the community at large faces right now? How can/does the Pleasure Chest try to help with this?
I think the greatest challenge the adult industry and sex worker community faces is dealing with the ramifications of our government creating regulations like FOSTA/SESTA, which only builds stigma around the sex worker industry, and makes it more difficult for sex workers to survive, rather than “prevent sex trafficking” as it claims to. Framing sex work as real work and supporting sex workers is something that the Pleasure Chest has always maintained a firm position on.
In your opinion, what is the best way to safely explore your fetishes?
Do your research. Read books, both instructional and erotic fiction to get a well- rounded perspective of what the expression of this fetish can look like. Identify what aspects of its expression resonate with you-what turns you on? Try things by yourself first so you don’t have to worry about what you look like in front of someone else. Once you get a good idea of what a ‘scene’ looks like for you, discuss with a partner, negotiate desires and boundaries, and above all else have fun! Give yourself permission to laugh and enjoy playing in new ways, it doesn’t have to be super serious.
In what ways can the Pleasure Chest help with sexual exploration?
I think this is where our workshops really come into play. We take topics from oral sex to g-spotting, to advanced anal, fisting, bondage and impact play, and present them in a way that is very digestible for folks still trying to decide whether or not they are into it. By demystifying and destigmatizing the different ways in which human beings can experience pleasure, we help take away people’s’ fear and shame around the experience of exploration by making it lighthearted and enjoyable.
How is the Pleasure Chest specifically tied to the Kink Community? Do you feel that most of your customers are kinky in some way?
In its early days, a huge part of the Pleasure Chest customer base were those of the gay leather community, and later the store became well known for its yearly “Glory Hole” parties. As time has gone by and BDSM has become more mainstream via mediums like the “Fifty Shades” series, our role has shifted in terms of facilitating conversations around what healthy D/s relationships and consent actually are versus what is presented in the media. One thing I have learned from these conversations is that “kinky” is a sliding goalpost. For some people blindfolds are kinky, whereas for more experienced folks it might not be. For some people, just the act of wearing a condom or doing it doggy style can be kinky. Our job is not to decide what is kinky or what isn’t -because it is truly unique to the individual. Our job is to be a resource people can turn to for receiving the tools and information about how to go about their kink in the most satisfying and safe way.
What does the Pleasure Chest want to offer in the future?
A major priority for us is having an even greater supportive presence in the LGBTQ and POC communities in the outreach that we do. We want to make ourselves accessible to those who face the greatest marginalization because of their sexual/gender expression. I think we understand that we have a responsibility, especially to this younger generation that is growing up during the #MeToo movement, to not only educate, but also lead by example in actively pushing back against the perpetuation of the sex negative, toxic masculine, rape culture.
What current projects is the company working on?
Most recently, we have started becoming more accommodating to our 420 friendly customer base. The legalization of cannabis for recreational purposes has created a unique opportunity for crossover into the adult erotic lifestyle product world. The way that we are responding to this growing trend is by exploring the varieties of quality hemp based products to carry as well as expanding our smoke shop section. I believe the integration of cannabis and the adult retail business is a great opportunity for evolution within the industry.
Any closing words?
I believe that the human body is an incredible biological miracle, and the possibilities for human sexual expression are as infinite as all the people that have ever existed, and will continue to exist as long as we inhabit this planet. Therefore, I believe it to be imperative that we never lose our curiosity towards exploring and unlocking all the many ways our bodies are capable of experiencing pleasure-ways we may have never imagined before, until maybe seeing a movie, or reading a book, having a conversation, or stepping inside the Pleasure Chest.
About Michelle LaBelle
