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You are here: Home / Archives for safety consent

safety consent

Properly Preparing To Play

December 27, 2020 By Baadmaster 2 Comments

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If you have been following my ASK BAADMASTER series here on kinkweekly.com, you might conclude that I am over-covering the pandemic on a kink site. I think I would be remiss in ignoring the pandemic as it has affected the kink community on many levels. For starters, live dungeons have been mostly closed. I would hope the new vaccines are a bright light at the end of a very dark tunnel. So I would like to answer questions that prepare us for the non-covid days ahead. Much will be review; so if your were a BDSM player and have not played for almost a year, you might want to go over aspects of play that you might have forgotten. There is never too much knowledge.

Reader: Recently, my kink group has been discussing what to do if something goes wrong or a pre-existing condition manifests itself during a scene. This kind of safety concern is beyond the usual. But, how can you prepare for any eventuality?

As a general rule, it is impossible to prepare for EVERY eventuality. If I could do this, I would be working for President Biden eliminating terrorism. But seriously… Regarding medical pre-existing conditions — you might open a productive dialogue before your scene, especially between first-time players. Make sure the players are aware of any pre- existing conditions and what its symptoms are so you can stop the scene quicker than usual.
Now onto safe words. Depending solely on safe words is not the end-all and be-all to safety. (Although they are definitely better than anything that comes in second).

The trick to using safe words effectively (and this seemingly obvious bit of advice might be extremely valuable to you) is “simplicity.” Although the standard safe word is “red,” many people try to pick out their own personal safe word. They want style. “Greef” might be a cool safe word between ‘Mandalorean’ fans, but when panic time sets in and the mind starts spinning, these words might not be at the tip of the tongue. “Red” works for stop signs. “Red” works for scening. Use “red.”

I also advocate the use of a safe signal. When you use a ball gag in a scene, the bottom –unless he/she is a ventriloquist — cannot give a safe word. So agree on a safe signal based on what type of scene you are doing. A great one is a shaking of the head continuously left to right — like a “no” signal. This is unmistakable, and does not require the hands, which might be bound. Between safe words and safe signals, you have increased safety a hundred fold.

Most BDSM writers always talk about a “safe call.” In this case the old expression –“after all is said and done, more is said than done” — is applicable. Most people never use the safe call procedure. But if used properly, safe calls are really good tools. In this age of the cell phone, it is really easy to have someone standing by waiting for your call to see if all is well – and to arrange for any contingency plans should help be required.
Another safety key is…not playing with unsafe players! Sometimes there are players who have gained a reputation for being unsafe; most times these reputations — if they are widespread and repeated by respected members of the community — have some basis in fact. Stay away. But there are other red flags. When playing for the first time, a big red flag is when the Top says, “I never allow a safe word.” They might rationalize it by saying something like, “I am into TPE and do not believe in safe words.” Well, many in TPE relationships do eschew the safe word. But this only happens after a relationship is established; eliminating the safe word is generally negotiated after playing for awhile. Anyone who says “no safe words” right out of the box really hasn’t got a clue.

As for the scene itself, the oft-repeated advice of planning a scene in advance will add to the safety of it. Some scenes are pretty safe in and of themselves — an interrogation scene, for example. Others — such as mummification or breath play — are much more dangerous. Make sure the skill level of the Dominant (as he/she is in control) matches the danger quotient (D.Q.) of the scene being attempted. If you notice, I would rather head off problems before they arise. “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure” also applies in BDSM play.

If you have extra time on your hands, I have written a companion piece on safety on this site: https://www.kinkweekly.com/?s=safe+words Play safe when you return to play! And if you have not played in a while, there is nothing wrong in going over safety essentials (as in “Don’t forget aftercare”) before you re-visit your favorite dungeon!


After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.

Tagged With: bdsm, bdsm play, bdsm safety, bdsm scene, consent, dungeon rules, dungeon safety, dungeons, fetish, kink, negotiations, power dynamic, power exchange, safety consent, safeword

Keeping Our Community Saf-er During the Pandemic

December 5, 2020 By Christmas Bunny 3 Comments

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These are unprecedented times indeed. Regardless of where people stand in regards to the pandemic itself, one thing we should be able to agree on is the impact it is having on our kink communities. Individuals are struggling with finances, and dungeons who rent or own space are likely struggling to maintain the financial commitment for these spaces without large events funding them.

I have been peripherally involved with some local efforts to create safer ways to restart events, though most of the credit for the hard work of researching and implementing has to go to the local dungeon owner here. The strategies we’ve adopted here may be helpful to others who are looking for ways to kink outside of their homes in safer ways, or who are struggling to maintain their spaces.

Handle Immediate Financial Need

Our first step was mid-May/June when we realized this was going to seriously impact whether or not our dungeon would still be in existence when all of this does finally resume some semblance of normality. We opened a Go Fund Me and dropped the link in our local community space. It was truly humbling to to watch people respond with an outpouring of support in the midst of feeling powerless. Every single donation was appreciated and we raised enough to maintain the rental space through the end of 2020 in that opening drive.

Some of that money went to upgrading the space in ways to make it safer, such as hand sanitizer units, a digital thermometer, a heavy duty sprayer to clean with, and a plexiglass shield for the check-in area. The rest went to keeping the rent current until virus urgency level started to recede in our region. Plans began being made for what we affectionately refer to as LAT parties, or limited attendance and time.

Once we felt safe enough, we rolled out the plan and gave community members opportunities to discuss and make suggestions before any implementation. The owner consulted local experts in the medical field and in engineering and sanitization at every step. He has made transparency his goal, from the way the money is spent, to what all of his procedures are. That transparency has helped people feel safer attending events, since it means they know exactly what to expect.

Opening the Dungeon Again

For indoor events, such as any rope classes or dungeon events there is a clear procedure. Tickets are purchased in advance through Square, which allows an individual to keep their anonymity and credit card information safe, but allows for a comment to be dropped with the user’s scene name so the dungeon knows who will be attending. Attendance is limited to ten individuals, since that was the recommendation as of the time of planning. Any new attendees are sent the membership form and covid waiver that discusses the recommendations for how to handle contact tracing in the event of any incidents (don’t mention fight club, if it is necessary, please contact dungeon owner and he can let others know they need to go for testing). Leading to the door, waiting spots are marked six feet apart. People can peek in the window to see if the prior group is clear of the entryway before entering. Masks are absolutely required while people area present in the building.

Upon entering, guests have a touchless hand sanitizer unit immediately to their right, and are expected to use it prior to moving into the space. They are then greeted and announce their name for verification on the list and to confirm they returned their forms. Stepping forward, the person manning the plexiglass enclosure can remain behind it while reaching around to digitally check the temperatures of each attendee. The CDC states that a reading of 100.4 constitutes a fever, so anyone with a reading there or above is asked to leave (though that has not happened to date). Attendees are then expected to leave the entryway and go down the hallway to the dungeon area.

The dungeon area has been modified from its pre-covid layout. The setup was workable before to allow for whip space between furniture, but has been adjusted to take half of the furniture temporarily out of commission. Those pieces have been turned around or otherwise adjusted so that it clear they are not for use. With a maximum of five couples having scenes at one time, there are a few more pieces available than people, which allow for some equipment choices.

Individuals are permitted to allot their time however they please. They can watch others scenes, they can socialize, or they can choose to indulge in their own scenes. As their time slot nears to a close, a ten minute warning is announced to allow people to wrap up scenes and pack their gear. Once everyone is out, the owner dons protective gear and thoroughly disinfects the entire space with a spray that should not be touched or inhaled, and then clears out for a minimum of twenty minutes, as recommended for usage of that chemical. The sessions are scheduled in two hour blocks with a thirty minute window for cleaning between them.

Because people have freedom to purchase tickets, but they are limited to 10 available ones, a group looking to make sure they are only sharing space with one anther can purchase the entire block of ten when dates and times are released and basically have a private event. For those with immunocompromised partners, that option can be sanity-saving.

Restarting Vendor Events

Because vendor events typically have more of a revolving door type atmosphere, we struggled some with finding the right balance of safety in order to comfortably begin holding those again. For vendors of kink gear and implements, some of them are truly hurting right now after ten months of few to no options when it comes to in-person events. Often, those in-person events tend to be hugely important for clientele, particularly newer community members who may not know what to expect in regards to appearance or quality of offerings. Being able to see and touch items is a vital part of their education, and a piece that has been noticeably absent this year.

We decided to hold our events outdoors, and to require masks. We release an informational document with safety info at the time of advertising these events. We are clear that face shields may not be used as a substitute for masks, due to the most recent research available. Additionally, we hold it in the dungeon’s gated lot so we can limit attendance to two individuals per vendor, and do thermometer checks. We have a security person and someone handling an outdoor handwashing station, stocked by a local soapmaker. Additionally, each vendor has a bottle of hand sanitizer on their table and requires people to use it prior to making contact with any merchandise.

Vendors occupy parking spaces to make things simple. Ones with larger vehicles (vans mostly) park next to the gate to block the view of anyone walking past. They set up tables in the parking spot directly next to their vehicle and are able to space it as they like. Some bring canopies. By alternating car – vendor – car – vendor, we are able to space vendors out nine feet plus add a blockade of the vendor’s car. Vendors remain masked for the duration of the event. One person or germ group may shop a given vendor at a time. A second may wait six feet distant until that group has finished. Additional interested shoppers must browse elsewhere or wait outside of the gate, physically distanced. We encourage anyone who wants to crack a whip to briefly step inside, but other than that and brief bathroom visits, the event is able to operate fully outdoors.

Our first event went well. We didn’t have a high number of attendees, but the ones who came clearly had full intention to purchase from our local people. All the vendors felt satisfied that they were safe and also able to accommodate shoppers. Vending fees are minimal and go directly to the dungeon to help make sure it continues to operate as we move forward.

Neither event is perfect. They don’t have huge attendance. Some people are unwilling to use masks during play and choose not to attend the dungeon events. Some are unwilling to wear them outdoors and choose not to attend the vendor events. Others feel both events are still beyond their risk profile and also choose not to attend. We support their choices either way, but have to move forward in ways that provide the highest level of comfort and safety to the highest percentage of our kink community’s population. As things change, we are doing our best to change with them.

Do you have any additional safety measures your community is taking? Feel free to let us know in the comments.


Christmas bunny has been exploring kink since she was legal to do so.  Her serious writing started in college, where she accidently got some of her papers published in educational journals.  She has recently expanded her writing to include her kink journey.  She began writing in the physical realm, but shed some of her inhibitions and began sharing those entries with others.  She now keeps an active blog of her personal growth and her relationship with her Master / Daddy Dominant and writes helpful educational posts on a variety of subjects.

Tagged With: bdsm, bdsm safety, dungeon safety, fetish, kink, pandemic, safety consent, sexual safety

Video: Flogging 101

October 10, 2020 By Depraved Eros 2 Comments

Interested in flogging? Like impact? New to the Scene and want to experiment?

Then this video is perfect for you!

This week Depraved Eros gives the ins and out of flogging including best types of floggers and safety tips!

Check it out now!

Flogging 101 How To and Types of Floggers BDSM for Beginners

Tagged With: bdsm play, bottom, flogging, impact play, safety consent, sex, Top

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