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humiliation
Humiliation
Humiliation play is like the old saying, “beauty is in the eye of the beholder.” What is severe humiliation to one submissive might not be a big deal to another. The key is to understand what humiliates your submissive safely and what “can permanently damage his or her psyche or breaks any hard limits.”
Humiliation is a great way of punishing an errant slave.
Surely, it is more of a punishment that the usual “spank me because I am a bad girl” scenario. After all, since most submissives love to be spanked, how can this be considered punishment? (I know there are those that claim it is the intent of the spanking that determines whether it is pleasurable or painful; this is open to debate. I have recently covered this issue in a kinkweekly.com article.) But, to use it effectively, one must comprehend the dynamics and scope of humiliation and utilize it with care.
For example, I had a submissive whose ultimate humiliation, and fear, was being made to wear a baby pacifier in public. (This is a good one!) Just the thought of that baby toy stuck in her mouth while shopping at Ralphs would turn her into the most obedient submissive you could imagine. Yet, another submissive I knew had absolutely no fear of the pacifier. In fact, she insisted that it would make a cool fashion statement. Once, she even carried one in her pocket and put it in her mouth just to make her fashionista point – in a fancy restaurant!
I have seen a submissive forced to stand in a corner, facing the wall, with a dunce cap on her head at a play party. (Another good one!) Yet another submissive I was with stated that this would be her hard limit; that it would bring back horrid memories of similar treatment by her baby sitter. Humiliation, as we said, is in the eye of the beholder.
Humiliation can be every bit as extreme as any type of BDSM Edge Play
Even though humiliation is primarily a mental type of play, it can be every bit as extreme as any type of BDSM edge play. Displaying a submissive with degrading signs draped on him/her is one activity that comes to mind. Writing demeaning slogans on a naked submissive can be extremely mortifying. The Dom/me must know the submissive’s limits and psyche before writing “slut” all over his/her naked sub in front of others. One should never treat humiliation lightly simply because there is no physical pain involved; mental pain can be even more searing. Ideally, humiliation as a training technique should be only used by experienced Dom/mes.
Most submissives react differently to humiliation in a public venue than to humiliation in front of their lifestyle peers – at a play party, for example. Calling your sub a demeaning name at Target might take on a whole different, and far more serious, internal meaning to the sub than using the same words at a BDSM play party. Thus, it is important that you recognize the difference between “vanilla public” and “BDSM public” humiliation and always take this into consideration. With very rare exceptions, one should never degrade your submissive around family, friends or coworkers.
As to humiliation play – as opposed to using it for training — it is difficult to negotiate strict hard limits when it comes to degradation play; it is not as easy to codify as flogging, for example. You should have a safe word – but safe words are much easier to use when an actual pain threshold is passed. In humiliation play, by the time you pass the threshold, you might already have caused some psychic damage; it could be too late for a safe word. In humiliation play, the key word is play. Be careful not to cross any psychic lines.
Thus, you must keep all these factors in mind whether you are using humiliation for punishment, training or just for play!
By BaadMaster
After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.
Domination Without Humiliation
With the proliferation of Pro Dommes on the Internet, one would think Domination always entails humiliation. Granted, the Pro Domme community might be the one group that is keeping the traditional protocols of BDSM alive – surely the “Fifty Shades” Millennials are not doing it. Nevertheless, to the casual observer, it would appear that humiliation is an integral part of all Fem Domme activities. But what of those – masochists especially – who simply want their balls busted? Since few articulate their play needs, I am here to offer a purely “play only” beginners guide to CBT or Cock and Ball Torture. Without any humiliation!
As a beginner, whenever you are doing a BDSM scene that entails pain, avoiding injury is one of the prime directives, as Captain Picard would say. The cock and balls have ultra-sensitive pain centers for a very important reason – they are integral to our species survival (Darwin 101) and pain is the warning light that there is danger of injury. The correlation between pain and injury is thus significant when dealing with this area of the body. And the genitals are one area you simply don’t want to permanently injure. (This might not be as true for flogging on the butt. You can really flail away with a lot of pain here before you start to cause serious or permanent injury.) Although causing pain is one of the objectives in cock and ball scening, a good Dominant learns the skill of administering pain while keeping on the safe side of the injury line. This can be hard to learn when dealing with CBT – with its extreme pain and potential for injury — for the very first time.
If you are new to CBT, here is a two-part system that is both safe and fun. The first part is to agree on safe words and safe signals. Second, make a list of about a dozen CBT scenes that you would like to attempt, intrigue you or turn you on. Here, by way of example, is what might be a typical list.
1. Crushing the male’s testicles under high heels.
2. Using a leather ball ring to stretch the balls.
3. Adding weights to the leather ball ring.
4. Clothespins on the scrotum.
5. Rope bondage — tying up the balls.
6. Rope bondage – tying up the shaft.
7. Rope bondage – tying up the shaft and balls.
8. Using a “cock cage” on the penis shaft.
9. Using a “cock cage” on the balls.
10. Wax play.
11. Ice play.
12. Abrasion play.
Now, here is the important part. Rate these activities in terms of ease of learning and relative safety. Let’s get specific. In this list, I would say number eleven, ice play, is the easiest to learn and the least dangerous. Start here. Use ice on a bound bottom’s scrotum. Try it for various periods of times. Become experienced in ice play; then move on to the next CBT scene. I would say that number four – clothespins — are the next in our reverse safety order. Clothespins, although they look formidable, are really quite a benign tool, in terms of danger – especially when compared to other tools of torture in the BDSM arsenal. Clothespins can be applied gently; you can find wooden ones, which do not snap all that tightly; you control their ferocity by the total of clothespins used in the scene. They might look incredibly sadistic — but they are rarely fatal. You can continue on down the list as you get more experienced as both Top and bottom and know each other better. But still observe your safe words!
Notice that humiliation – such as “your worthless little shaft” – is not part of these activities. And it does not have to be. If degradation is not your thing there is no reason to skip your need for CBT because of it. Play is what you make it!
Using the system I have outlined, beginners can work themselves up gradually both in terms of difficulty and edginess. All on an S&M level and without humiliation.
By BaadMaster
After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.
Erotica: The Examination
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There were two, a man and a woman, each laying on a medical examination table, naked under thin paper robes open to the front, ankles strapped into the stirrups.
The woman with the dark hair, pencil skirt, and lab coat carried a clipboard. She’d led them down the hallway to this room. She’d watched as they were told to undress and don the paper robes. She’d strapped them in herself.
She now went over their release forms and verbally confirmed they understood the rules. If they endured the next hour, they would each receive a cashier’s check for $10,000.
If they stopped before the hour was over, they would forfeit the check for $500 cash.
The man and the woman both agreed to the terms once more.
There was a mirror across the ceiling. In it, they could bear witness to their own vulnerability as well as each other. Having just met in the waiting room less than an hour earlier, they stole glances at each other in the mirror – as if to sooth their sense of shame in the situation by visually recognizing they were not alone in it.
The door opened and the dark haired woman set the clipboard down. “Welcome, you’re just in time. We were just finishing up the preliminaries.”
There was the sound of shuffling as five people entered the room and situated themselves in a half circle in front of the two examination tables.
His eyes looked up into the mirror in terror as he realized it was a combination of men and women and he felt a flush in his face as he realized his cock was responding somewhat positively to the experience.
“See how it twitches?” The dark-haired woman had stepped forward and spread the man’s knees further apart, revealing him further to the assembled onlookers. “Come closer, if you like. If you put your hands on it, you can feel it hardening in response to your touch.”
Two of the women from the group stepped forward and reached past his thighs to his core, gently touching his shaft with gloved hands.
“Don’t be shy, ladies and gentlemen. They can take it.” The dark-haired woman was now spreading the woman’s knees apart, and motioning for the others to come forward.
The third woman, a blonde, and the two men stepped forward. The blonde stood between the two tables, running a hand a long each of their thighs as she came to a stop in front of each of their chests, pulling apart the front of the paper robes to reveal them.
“His nipples are pretty firm and hard. Hers aren’t as hard as I’d expect, for it being such a cold room,” she noted, running a finger of each hand lightly across the nipples.
Meanwhile, the two women had strengthened their grip on his cock, now fully erect, while one of the men used his own gloved fingers to pinch and spread her glistening pussy lips apart.
“She is aroused, however,” he said. “Perhaps her nipples need some additional stimulation.”
As if cued, the second man, taller than the other, walked around the table to her other side and began pinching and tugging at the woman’s nipples. “Interesting,” he commented, “This one seems to be responding more to the harder pinching than that one does to the caressing. Angela, how do you think it would respond to oral stimulation?”
The blonde woman turned. “Oh, that is an interesting question. Let’s find out.” She pulled her hair back from her face and leaned down to put her mouth on the exposed woman’s nipple.
After a few seconds, and with a hard sucking motion, she stood back up to look at her handiwork. “It does seem to have made a difference, but not as much as the one you’re pinching. This girl seems to respond to pain.”
The man on the table moaned, and the team of examiners turned their attention to him. The dark-haired woman smiled and moved up to look him directly in the face. “Jake, you are going to have to hold back to be fully compensated. It has only been a few minutes, you still have at least another 50 to go. Do you understand me?”
He closed his eyes and nodded.
“Jake, I asked if you understand me,” she grabbed his cheeks with her palm against his chin and jerked it to face her. “Open your eyes and tell me you understand.”
His eyes darted open and with a pained look, he nodded and grunted, “Yes, I understand.”
A moan was heard from the woman on the table. The fat man with thick fingers was now vigorously penetrating her pussy with his thick latex-covered fingers. “We can let this one climax, though, right? Since she can go several times?”
“Yes, Kara can orgasm as many times as you’d like, Oliver. As any of you would like,” she announced to the rest of the room. The dark-haired woman let go of Jake’s face and stepped away to make room for someone else to move in.
She walked toward the corner of the room and rolled a small cart with four drawers over.
“We have some additional tools and implements here if any of you are interested,” she explained, as she unlocked the top drawer.
The taller man walked over to the cart and opened the top drawer. He pulled a series of phallic objects in various sizes.
Walking over toward Jake, he held them up in comparison to his rigid cock, being stroked by one of the women while another one rubbed a lubed finger around the outside of his asshole.
“The largest one of these seems to match up to his size.”
“There are larger ones in the second drawer, as well,” noted the dark-haired woman.
“Ah. Excellent,” responded the tall man.
“Martin,” the woman fingering Jake’s asshole spoke up, “May I see the smallest of them? I’d like to see if we can get this one up to taking one his own size.”
“Oh, of course, Mira, be my guest.” He handed her the smallest of the dildos and looked over at Oliver, who was now two fingers deep in Kara’s wet cunt. “Oliver, do you mind if I do my own experimentation on that one’s asshole while you do that?”
“Of course not, Martin.” Oliver moved off to the side while keeping his momentum going.
TO BE CONTINUED…
Erotic fiction writer. Phi (pronounced “fee”) came into kink at early age and renewed her connection with the lifestyle in 2014 after a decade-long hiatus. A somewhat popular and undeniably avid blogger on fetlife.com under the name phi-is-me, she lives in the suburb of a suburb in southern California with two cats and six pillows.