bondage

Bondage

July 15, 2021 By SafferMaster 4 Comments

hot lesbian rope bunnies — via stock.adobe.com

Bondage in kink is a big deal. It’s the “B” in BDSM. Bondage takes all forms. There is the notion of being owned as a sub, as in you are in a bondage dynamic. You have surrendered your sovereignty, perhaps not your agency, but your sovereignty. There is bondage in a scene, being tied up or locked up. There is rope bondage and metal bondage and cage bondage.

Bondage involves all sorts of tools. If you are into latex, you might be in bondage in a latex vacuum bed. You might be in a straitjacket, or you might find yourself locked down with straps, tied up with rope, restricted with chains, restrained with hand cuffs, kept from moving with saran wrap, or even tied up with a necktie, with zip ties or even with saranwrap.

Being a submissive who enters a power exchange where bondage is an agreed to activity, you are looking to surrender your control to your Dominant. As a Dominant, being someone who puts someone else in bondage, you are taking on the responsibility of that person’s wellbeing while they are in bondage. This is an especially important consideration. It’s all on you as the “Bondage Top”.

People do bondage related activity for a number of reasons. The most common experience of bondage for a submissive is that they feel “safe and secure” in bondage and “cared for” by their Dominant who make the choice to put them in bondage restraints. For Tops, the issue is simply the arousal that accrues from power and control.

The ultimate bondage experience to be enslaved. In most kink-oriented dynamics, the state of Master/Slave is a roll-play construct, whereas there are in fact those submissives and dominants who take to the construct very completely and for all intents and purposes the submissive is indeed a slave in servitude to a Master or Mistress. We have talked to more than one Master and Slave where they occupy the space of a life of bondage with total control accruing to the Master or Mistress with no consent accruing to the slave. For the purposes of this piece, I do not intend to examine this level of bondage. In this writing, I am assuming that all forms of bondage are consensual and are part of kink play scenes or dynamics.

Much of bondage play is limited to chastity. For Cis males, a simple cage keeps them in a form of bondage that is a mind fuck. With their Master or Mistress being the keyholder, that ability to hold a submissive in bondage in the form of chastity that controls their orgasms can be a very hot way to spice up a dynamic.

Some forms of bondage, like rope bondage, require the rope top to be quite skilled. Naturally there is some risk associated with rope bondage. A tie that is too tight in the wrong place can cause nerve damage. If it’s too tight and on for too long it can cause other sorts of tissue or joint damage too. A rope top who puts a joint in an extreme compression and does not allow the sub out in time can cause non reversable orthopedic problems with joint failure a consequence over the long term. The point is that in order to participate as a rope bottom, one needs to be in communication with one’s rope top so that they can come to a point of clarity about the severity of the bonds they employ.

Naturally, there are metal bonds. My slut likes to be chained up. She finds that when I pull out the chains and she hears the clink and clank of the links as I get set up, she drops into subspace almost instinctively. Chains are very effective in restraining a submissive and with a few handy padlocks, very quick to employ as compared to rope. They also take much less skill to use, but they do have a downside, that being that the metal is unforgiving vs soft tissue, so make sure not to put compression on a nerve, especially at the wrist. Also true of you are using handcuffs for bondage.

Bondage is also art. Rope bondage is quite beautiful when done well. Shibari is the Japanese art of rope bondage. In fact, “…the origin of Shibari comes from Hojo-jutsu, the martial art of restraining captives. In Japan from 1400 to 1700, while the local police and Samurai used Hojo-jutsu as a form of imprisonment and torture, the honor of these ancient Samurai warriors required them to treat their prisoners well. So, they used different techniques to tie their prisoners, showing the honor and status of their captured prisoner.

In the late 1800′s and early 1900′s a new form of erotic Hojo-justu evolved, called Kinbaku, the art of erotic bondage. Today, particularly in the west, the art of erotic bondage is typically called Shibari, which is an art of erotic spirituality, not a martial art.

Shibari style rigging creates geometric patterns and shapes with rope that contrast beautifully with the human body’s natural curves. The ropes and their texture provide contrast to smooth skin and curves. In Shibari, the model is the canvas, the rope is the paint and brush, and the rigger is the rope artist.

The aesthetic arrangement of ropes and knots on the model’s body in Shibari rigging emphasizes characteristics like sensuality, vulnerability, and also strength. The positioning of knots in appropriate places stimulates pressure points on the body, very similarly to acupuncture techniques and Shiatsu, a form of Japanese massage. Some believe a Shibari experience also stimulates Ki energy flow and transfer.

In addition to creating beautiful patterns, with rope, body and limb placements, Shibari rigging induces physiological conditions known as “sub space” and “top space”, which are similar to the “runners high” experienced by athletes. A Shibari experience results in an increased level of endorphins and other hormones, creating a trance-like experience for the bottom/model and an adrenaline rush for the Top/rigger. When a Shibari scene is performed with appropriate ambience, these effects are actually visible in the face of the model. The term “rope drunk” is sometimes affectionately used to describe the euphoric condition of the model after a Shibari experience.

For most practitioners of Shibari, the use of rope bondage does not include an unwilling victim like the “Damsels in Distress” images popular in Detective type magazines. Instead, there is a collaboration between the Shibari artist (the rigger/Top) and the Shibari canvas (the model/bottom) to create a combination of effects including visual beauty, power exchange, helplessness, relaxation, and sub space and top space physiological experiences.

Contemporary practitioners of Shibari enjoy creating beautiful still images, live and recorded performance art. Shibari can also be used as a component in BDSM play and an enhancement in sexual activities.” (source: https://artofcontemporaryshibari.com).

The point is well taken, playing with bondage is like other D/s play dynamics where the essence of the power exchange is expressed and realized through bondage play. The sub achieves an altered state of mind and in many instances, as noted the top does too.

Something about being helpless seems to be a major motivator for a sub to agree to bondage. One of my favorite early moments with my sub occurred as I was testing her limits early in our dynamic. The scene cage bondage. I chained her in the cage on all fours. The chain held her head in place with a snug loop around her neck that tightened if she sagged onto it (this allowed her to explore breath play to her satisfaction) , and her arms were held in place at the wrist so she had to stay put. She was wearing a lemon juice infused ball gag, so she was drooling profusely, and at the same time, she had a stick of wet ginger in her ass which kept her attention, and of course, she was being relentlessly fucked with a fat dildo by a fuck machine. When I eventually released her from her bondage, she was in a state of deep subspace that lasted for hours after her release. When we talked later, she described the feeling of being helpless for my pleasure as making her “very wet”.

Gags are a simple form of bondage. Remember, all BDSM related bondage is about taking control away from a submissive in a manner that ultimately enhances sexuality. Whether is gags, or rope, or chains, or a cage or chastity, or simply an instruction, my submissive does not push back against imposed bondage. She is obedient and she knows that if she is in bondage, it pleases me. One of the first times I put her in bondage, I hogtied her. After she finished squirming, she relaxed into it and in a while was in a mental space of feeling secure in her bonds for my satisfaction and then when I removed the bonds, she was feeling both the side effects of being in bondage on one hand and proud of herself for being a good girl on the other.

She likes it when I do things like tie her down and use her because it plays on that helplessness that she finds so sexually arousing. If I restrain her by her tits while I fuck her ass, she cums hard.

Bondage lives in the world of a power exchange. One thing we have been playing with in the context of bondage is the notion of hypnotic bondage. We have found that hypnosis makes everything in our kink dynamic better and we believe that hypnotic bondage is no exception.

Bondage is a kink that depends on consent. It’s a choice to be helpless in a sexual context. It’s a choice to put someone in bondage. Consent is required to take someone’s freedom away from them, even for a short time. In many ways, bondage is the basic kink fetish that even those completely vanilla folks sometimes employ to spice up their sex life. And it’s the thin edge of the kink wedge. First, it’s “here let me tie you up” and then, it’s “here let me blindfold you” and all of a sudden you are mainlining kink. I jest, but all of bondage play is designed to enhance sexual experiences and this is true from the simple little tie to a bedframe, all the way to being suspended upside down in a Shibari rope scene. Very often, bondage is used to secure a submissive who is then subject to impact play. For example, the first time I used a cane on my slut, I tied her down so she would not squirm in a way that would create danger for her. So it’s a useful tool in a layered kink scene (a scene where there is more than one fetish in play).

There is another consideration on bondage where it is designed to be more in the realm of torture than play. In sado-masochism, the submissive suffers for the sadist. You see this with things like breast suspension, or perhaps restraining a submissive on a wooden pony, or hanging submissives by hooks in their shoulders, or using clamps to hold them onto a wall or St. Andrews Cross. There are lots of ways to add extremes utilizing bondage. I have known Tops to use coconut hemp which is very irritating, on one hand to rubbing ginger on the metal bar she is resting on with her naked (spread) vagina while restrained on the other, as a couple of examples.

As with anything in kink, consent is the key. It is always useful to spend time after a scene with a submissive in aftercare because of the depth of subspace that often occurs with extended bondage. Aftercare is very important, and especially the debriefing part of aftercare. It’s important to talk about what worked and what didn’t. What should be further explored and what aspects of the scene should be discarded. When your scene can inflict permanent damage on a submissive, its best to play with a healthy dose of caution.

We did a few podcasts on bondage:

 Season1 Episode 74 The “Rope Podast” Interview

 Season 1 Episode 29: Bondage, Slavery, Cages Rope and more!

That you can find in our archive at https://kinkycocktailhour.buzzsprout.com/

SafferMaster and Lady Petra offer Kink Relationship Coaching with online, group, and personal coaching options.

You can access the coaching services offered by Lady Petra Playground by reaching out for an initial conversation- LadyPetraPlaground@gmail.com

New coaching content can be found on out Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/LadyPetrasPlayground

Lady Petra and SafferMaster also produce the Kinky cocktail Hour podcast available on all podcast platforms and here: https://kinkycocktailhour.buzzsprout.com/

A Silent Risk of Bondage – Positional Asphyxia

June 24, 2021 By TAC 4 Comments

“In many ways, oxygen is to the human body, and particularly to the heart and brain, what oil is to a car’s engine. Indeed, there’s a medical adage that goes ‘hypoxia (becoming dangerously low on oxygen) not only stops the motor, but also wrecks the engine.” (The Medical Realities of Breath Control Play, Sexuality.org, Jay Wiseman)

In a world where we love tying each other up (yes please) and delivering a good spank physical injury in play is commonplace. For the most part it is light bruises or red marks which disappear in days if not hours. People excited, displaying what their Top gifted them the night before are all over Fetlife or showing the marks off at gatherings.

Once in a while, we see injuries/marks a little more serious. Branding, scarification, bleeding cuts, lacerations, split skin, and very deep bruising involving the muscles come to mind. These are less common but no less welcome and attributed to heavy play.

Part of play for many, some even plan them. Easy to recognize, often talked (or bragged) about, and thousands of resources of information on how to care for them exist. We see the marks, can share them, and others know what to do. Although potentially dangerous, we have a map to work from and take care of them. What about the unseen risks?

There is a sneaky bastard many have not heard of. Something that can happen even during lighter bondage/rope play. It can be hard to recognize, and difficult to react to: Positional Asphyxia.

What is Positional Asphyxia?

Positional Asphyxia occurs when our bottom cannot get enough oxygen because of the position we have put them and the muscles supporting breathing wear out becoming over tired. Between hog ties, ball suspensions, predicament bondage, and other inventive poses we cause mechanical stress on the structures of the chest. Restricting the bottom from breathing normally. Eventually, the muscles supporting breathing give out putting them in a life threating position (hypoxia- the lack of oxygen at the tissue level).

I should clarify, I am not writing about breath play or other kinks which intentionally restrict breathing. Positional Asphyxia is the result of accidental circumstance in situations where we are not planning on breathing, or the lack there of, being part of play.

Positional Asphyxia is more likely to occur when there are additional physical stressors which causes their body to work hard. Wrestling, being thrown around in a CNC scene, physically demanding positions, and physical exercise are a few examples. The use of or stimulants or alcohol also increases the risk. Medical conditions such as heart disease, asthma, bronchitis, etc. can contribute also.

Someone who is physically exhausted and in a compromising position is particularly at risk as they may be unable to tell you they are in trouble. Gravity and their own physical state are working against them.

Recognizing Positional Asphyxia

When we play hard and for long periods of time subspace, fatigue, and lack of focus can make it difficult to see when a bottom may be in trouble. Let’s face it, both partners get tired and a bottom at the end of the physical rope (pun intended) may be lethargic and slow to respond. This combined with a top being tired from play can make us miss what is really going if Positional Asphyxia is an issue.

These things together can make distinguishing between what is normal (in the context of kink) and real trouble a much more difficult task. However, there are some general indicators which can help you see trouble and act quickly.

Symptoms of Hypoxia: (can vary from person to person)

Acute Symptoms- Shortness of breath, rapid breathing, fast heart rate, wheezing, coughing, changes in skin color (particularly the fingertips and inside of the lips)

Severe Symptoms- Inability to communicate, confusion, loss of consciousness, slow heart rate

Other symptoms may include- restlessness, headache, sweating, cold and clammy

Assessment and Response

THIS IS NOT MEDICAL ADVICE- When in doubt seek medical assistance immediately.

Before you run for the hills, as long as you are doing what is needed to check on your bottom you should be able to catch any issues before they become serious. Generally, it takes a long time for Positional Asphyxia induced hypoxia to occur as a result of being bound. However, once it does set in, there is no time to waste.

Hopefully, you know the person you are playing with very well and generally know how they act or react to various play. If they are acting abnormal to what you know of them, are displaying sign/symptoms of hypoxia, or you have a reasonable suspicion they are in medical trouble, seek medical assistance immediately. With that being said, there are some quick things you can do to help you assess their physical state and respond to potential hypoxia.

Assessment: Level of consciousness- are they unresponsive or seem very confused? Are not speaking or responding to questions? Breathing is fast or gasping? Do they have a headache? Heart Rate is very fast or very slow? Are they cyanotic (bluish color inside the lips or fingertips)? Perform a capillary refill test, do they refill in more than 3 seconds? Are they cold and clammy to the touch even though sweating?

If the answers to one or more of these are yes, they are possibly in a hypoxic state. The more yes’s you have the more likely they are in serious trouble.

Response: If you reasonably believe your partner is hypoxic (the result of positional asphyxia) – CALL FOR MEDICAL ASSISTANCE NOW! Do not wait, hem and haw and worry about what people will think. Hypoxia is a life-threatening condition which can cause serious harm to major organs and death in a very short period of time. Sometimes minutes.

Get them out of any bonds and elevate their upper body and legs adjust as necessary however it is easier for them to breathe; continue to talk to them and encourage them to breathe deeply and slowly; keep them awake if at all possible; do not let them smoke, drink, or eat. Stay with them and do these things until medical first responders arrive.

If they lose consciousness and are not breathing and have no pulse, begin and continue CPR until medical first responders arrive.

You are the only one there and have to make a decision quickly. Yes, take a minute to help figure out what is going on, but minutes may be all you have. DO NOT WASTE THEM ON INDECISION!

Prevention

Now that you have dumped a full fecal load in your shorts and have sworn off any kind of bondage understand that there is a lot in the way we interact and play which helps prevent Positional Asphyxia and hypoxia from ever happening. The more we improve on the following skills and aspects, the less likely bad things happen.

Attentive and Present: Stay close to anyone retrained or bound. Not just because of positional asphyxia but there are other ways a restraint can have a negative impact. Have everything you need in the room with you before you begin to play. Including a charged cell phone and safety shears/rescue hook (keys and bolt cutters for hard restraints). Be attentive throughout the whole scene, paying attention to how they are doing and responding.

Communication (verbal and nonverbal): The louder the better. If they are loud, they are breathing and getting oxygen. Constantly be talking and eliciting a reaction from them. Use dirty talk, make them answer questions, whatever. The point is if they are becoming less communicative, we need to assess why. Watch their nonverbals. Are they a wiggler who has stopped wiggling? When you slap their thigh do they normally react? Etc. The longer play continues, the more physically drained you both may get. Make a point of asking how they are doing if you are unsure.

Physical Restraint Setup and Body Position: How and where you apply bonds be it rope, leather, or chain can impact the bottom’s ability to breathe freely. As you are applying the bonds check to make sure they are not so restrictive they will prevent the expansion of the chest. Ties which put additional stress on the chest such as behind the back arm binders or others which put the arms behind in an awkward position cause the muscles in the chest to work harder.

Gravity plays a roll. Head down positions will impact the ability to breathe over time. Weight/pressure placed on the chest such as a hogtie position (their weight is on their chest) make the diaphragm and chest muscles work harder to maintain breathing and wear out faster.

Be Technically Proficient: I cannot stress this enough. Learn and know your craft. Practice, loads of research, classes if possible, and interacting with more experienced players is a must. You both will have a better time and more likely to avoid issues.

Health Assessments (disclosure and annual physicals): Any medical condition which may affect play must be disclosed. This is for both of your safety. Even if the issue is the top’s. Get yourself and your bottom to a doctor once a year, or more often if necessary, for a general physical. We change as we age. It is just a fact of life.

Knowledgeable of Body processes and Physiology: Although I do not consider this a must, it is definitely helpful. Knowing how the body and its processes work can help inform your play and give you an increased margin of safety. Not to mention devious ideas 😉

Hydration: Drink lots of water before, during, and after play. We need water to make sure our bodies are working at their best. Water is critical in the oxygenation and blood circulation processes. If we are dehydrated, we are not going to be able to transfer oxygen efficiently to our muscles and organs.

Well Rested Before Play: Being well rested helps us be our best during play, ensures our muscles are ready for the stress, and we can endure for longer periods without our muscles giving out.

Final Thoughts

Regardless of your kinks or type of player you are, Positional Asphyxia is a risk you need to be aware of and know how to react to. For most players, this is probably something you will never see in your lifetime, hopefully because you have built good habits into your play.

Take the time to really learn and practice your craft, and have fun doing it. My goal through these types of articles is to help you do just that, have fun safely. Almost everything we do is risky, just take the time to find the counterbalances to those risks.

Do not be scared…… be informed!

Special Note and thanks: Great thanks to Dee Wells an amazing ICU Nurse for her expert eyes on this article. I may have stayed in a Holiday Inn last night but she does the serious stuff for a living….besides being kinky. And thank you to Dr. Wishesnottobenamed, wizard of the Emergency Room and Trauma-Fixer Extraordinaire. His insight was invaluable when sorting through what was important to include in this article.

For more information on Positional Asphyxia and Hypoxia and related information check out the links below:

Viewpoints Concerning Erotic Asphyxiation (bdsmcafe.com)

Bondage, Hogties and Positional Asphyxia (devianceanddesire.com)

Jay Wiseman essay on Self Bondage

Positional Asphyxia by Various (selfbound.net)

Article: Positional asphyxia | ESINEM Shibari Classes

Positional asphyxia (slideshare.net)

Hypoxia (medical) – Wikipedia

Hypoxia and Hypoxemia: Symptoms, Treatment, Causes (webmd.com)

How to Check Heart Rate: 5 Methods and What Is Normal (healthline.com)

Capillary Refill Test – Physiopedia (physio-pedia.com)

Metal Bondage 101

January 30, 2021 By PirateStan 2 Comments

sexy domme with handcuffs — via stock.adobe.com

In spite of the community’s attempts otherwise, the universal symbol for BDSM/bondage for most is a pair of handcuffs. In the vanilla world, handcuffs are a thing. I can’t even begin to count the number of people I’ve anecdotally encountered who have handcuffs hanging from their rear-view mirror. Then there are those who wear handcuff earrings, necklaces, and other jewelry who’re otherwise entirely vanilla.

Which is crazy because, in so many ways, handcuffs suck; certainly they’re not a very good entry-point type for BDSM restraint. I’d generally consider them advanced play, as they have many disadvantages which could well turn people away from bedroom bondage play forever.

I’m as guilty as anyone who’s begun heir bondage activities by securing a girl with handcuffs. I acquired a pair of “real” handcuffs at one those pseudo headshops so prevalent in the ’80s. I played around with them, understanding the principle of double-locks, and even figured out how easy it was to open them with a paper clip. They were fascinating, an implacable way to bind someone, securely and inescapably.

A few days later I used them on my girlfriend and she had nothing good to say about them. I’d cuffed her hands behind her, gagged her with four strips of duct tape (even then I’d figured out that duct tape gags required more than the single strip shown so popularly in movies and television) and began to enjoy some mutual fun. But, unlike the rope we’d used previously, she was not happy with these bonds.

The problem was, of course, lying down, they were horribly uncomfortable, pressing into both her wrists and back. Additionally, they had virtually zero “wiggle room”; that is, there was no way to make herself anything resembling comfortable. And escaping was impossible.

Of course, it’s precisely that utter implacable inescapablity that can be the appeal for handcuffs and other metal restraints. There’s no chance of wriggling free; you’re locked up, utterly and completely fucked. You’re going to need to dance to your top’s tune or you’ll be staying this way, forever.

If you want to start with handcuff bondage, then it’s easy and safe to start your journey at WalMart, where they sell metal handcuffs in the toy department for $3.99. While these certainly aren’t secure, they’re a good entry point as they mimic the real deal pretty well. For more fun, buy a couple of pairs, maybe even a half-dozen, and lock them all on at once.

If you find that appealing, then it might be time to move on to the real deal. While you may have any number of local merchants peddling them (those pseudo head shops still exist, and adult toy stores carry them as well; last I checked Spencer Gifts carries them as well), my personal go-to is HandcuffWarehouse.com. There you’ll find a mind-boggling array of cuffs, many of which you probably didn’t know existed.

They have the “normal” sort of cuffs you associate with police, but they also have any number of “hinged” or “solid” cuffs. Neither has the chain between them; the former have a hinge, and the latter are simply two loops which close over the wrists. Both offer a greater level of security than regular cuffs. But the fact that they’re so inflexible can offer an array of potential problems and dangers you should certainly consider before purchasing.

And then there are thumb cuffs, which can also be repurposed as toe cuffs. And any number of leg irons, waist chains, and antique-styled historical cuffs if you want to subject someone to the indignities of the past.

It should also be pointed out that they have a number of cuffs available in a variety of colors, and even offer free engraving!

There are a few basic rules for using metal restraints. First, keep keys handy at all times. The majority of cuffs use the same universal key, and you can purchase extras very inexpensively. Many of the speciality or historic cuffs utilize a unique key. Do not lose this!

Regardless of the cuffs, you do not want to have to release someone without keys. While you can, indeed, open regular cuffs with a paper clip, it can be difficult and time consuming. Meanwhile, speciality cuffs can be much trickier to jimmy. So, really, do not lose the keys!

Next, always double lock the cuffs. A regular cuff closes via a one-way ratchet; that is, it can be tightened easily, but not loosened. The double-lock prevents them from getting tighter. If someone’s wriggling around in a scene, the potential for them to accidentally tighten is great, and this will put an end to things very quickly. So you’ll want to double lock.

Finally, one of the best things about cuffs is their weight. It can be fun to collect a series of cuffs and stack them, leaving someone shackled in literally pounds of metal. It can be a heady experience, and a visually appealing one as well. But if you do this, do not leave the keyholes facing each other; stack them bottom to top. Trust me, if you leave the keyholes facing each other, you’re going to have a very difficult time unlocking them, and your sub will (wisely) never let you use cuffs on them again.

Damn, this article is already too long and I haven’t even gotten into more exotic metal restraints, such as fiddles, yokes, even gag-types such as branks or scolds bridles. Perhaps another article is warranted?

Regardless, metal restraints (or cuffs) can be a fun addition to your intimate playtime. As always, utilize common-sense safety precautions, but enjoy yourself while you explore consensual kink!

PirateStan has been involved in his local BDSM community since 2007, after having had a lifelong inclination towards it. He currently lives a contented life in Southeastern Virginia with his girl, zeirah, while working by day for a Major Metropolitan Publication.

This week in kink news: December 21, 2020

December 19, 2020 By Dexx 3 Comments

BDSM has been featured more and more in mainstream media over the years.

There are pros and cons to this depending on how kink is being portrayed.

This week Victoria Myerscough sheds some light on the normalisation of kink in the media.

Click below to learn more!

The Normalisation of BDSM on Film & TV

Curious about bondage, but don’t know where to begin?

Then, you’ve come to the right place!

This week woman&home gives us the skinny on everything bound!

Click below to find out more!

Want to spice up your home with some sexy furniture?

Then, check out this comprehensive guide that is sure to help give you and your partner(s) the scenes of your dreams!

Click below to read more from healthline!

Have some kinky news to share? Tell us about any upcoming BDSM events, new products, dungeon openings / closings, kink in mainstream media, and anything else you think kinky folks might be interested to hear about. Send your tips through to kinkweekly@gmail.com, and it might just end up on next week’s “This Week in Kink.”

How To Tie Up Your Own Breasts

November 1, 2020 By Dame TylerRose. 2 Comments

lesbians kissing, Shibari — via stock.adobe.com

I frequently see questions about how to play by one’s self. In this day and age of plague, it’s particularly important to take care of our own needs. I have always been able to do so, not relying on a partner to give me the pleasures I like most.

This article will cover a very simple self-tie for the breasts. This technique is for women who have more pendulous breasts. It’s not fancy. It doesn’t have to be fancy. We’re going for personal pleasure here, not a picture in an art book.

First, get some cheap cotton clothesline from the dollar store. Yes, I’m serious. You don’t need an expensive five dollar foot rope. In fact, the last rope I purchased was on clearance at Staples. You’re not going to be suspending yourself. Just tying up your tits. Cotton clothesline will do just fine.

Some people want to wash it when they get it. Some people don’t. Your choice. While washing, you can dye it as well. Just put liquid or powder dye into a bucket or a gallon size plastic zipper bag and soak it for a couple hours. Rinse, hang over the bathtub to dry if you don’t have a dryer in the house. (I live in NYC. No washer/dryer in the building. I don’t take my rope to the laundromat.)

Take a loose end and hold it under a breast, against your chest plate, so that the loose end is sticking out several inches. Wrap the rope around your breast two or three times, keeping close to the chest plate and laying the rope side by side as you wind outward. Cross over your loose rope once to hold it. You don’t need to knot it. It’ll hold by itself.

At this point, you don’t need to pull the rope very tightly. It will tighten as you go on.

Cross over to the other breast and wrap around the same number of times. Cross back to the first and wrap another two or three times, pulling a little tighter these rounds. Once more on the other side to keep it even.

If you want, you can go around the back of your neck before doing the next round.

You have to decide how solid you want your breasts to be. Bigger breasts will need more passes around to make them solid. Smaller ones will need fewer.

If you want to pass it around your back a few times, go for it. It’s your tie. Do what you want. It won’t get tangled. You won’t need scissors to get yourself out of it.

Around twelve to fifteen passes around each breast is enough to make my breasts fairly solid and balloon-like. Just let go of the rope. I’ve never had it slip loose on me. I just let it hang. Again, no knots.

How long you leave it on is up to you. I don’t like mine to get too discolored. I take a few pics and then engage in a second sensory play.

Using hands, cup and feel your breasts and the shape you’ve made them. Nipple play is going to feel very different. If you want the sensation of someone else stroking and pinching, put on a pair of nitrile or leather gloves. Or use the side of a pencil or wooden spoon.

While you’ve got the wooden spoon out, give your breasts a few light smacks. You might be surprised how much force is needed to give yourself a harsh pain. Use a fork to scratch. I’ve used metal knitting needles to strike them.

If you want to use a dildo, go get it. Or a vibe. Whatever. It’s your play session. No reason you can’t have an orgasm or three.

When you’ve had enough, hold the loose end you let out and unwind. Don’t unwind too fast. There will be releases of pressure as you go, and those can be as enjoyable as the rest of the play.

——–

TylerRose. is known as Dame Tyler in the NYC public SM/Fetish scene. She is an award-winning author who has written two “lifestyle”, four cartoon, and over 25 fiction books.

Read her books on her Amazon page — https://www.amazon.com/TylerRose./e/B00HCPLSP2

You can also find more of her OP/ED work in Fetlife: https://fetlife.com/users/305828

FB Fan Page — https://www.facebook.com/TylerRoseGethis/

Twitter — https://twitter.com/DameTyler or @DameTyler

She enjoys crocheting and baking, and will no doubt die with a thesaurus open on her thigh.

BDSM Scene ideas – Bondage with leather

September 12, 2020 By PirateStan 2 Comments

My girl and I engage in a great deal of bondage play, the vast majority of it leading to either coitus or some form of mutual orgasm (multiples for her; alas, a single one for me). And while I can certainly appreciate the artistry and eroticism involved in the slow, determined application of elaborate ropework/shibari/kinbaku, the few times we’ve personally engaged in such activities we’ve found ourselves frustratingly stymied by the inevitable.

It’s like this; if it takes an hour to get her wrapped up in all that rope, it takes damn near and hour to get her out. With an equal amount of focus and attention. And while there may well be an erotic appeal to all that time involved in getting her wrapped up, when it’s time to get involved in some erogenic frenzy, we both want her freed from her bonds tout de suite. And it’s not as if we’re going to be taking a knife to those hemp ropes we both spent so much time and effort washing, conditioning, and treating.

Lia’s leather armbinder is tied above her

This being the case, we’ve found any number of quick alternatives which create both the close constriction she finds appealing, as well as the bondaged security on her which I crave. In short, they’re any number of quick bondages, easy on/easy off, although the former can be drawn out for an extended period for the previously mentioned erotic appeal.

Of course, I’ve already talked about several of those here; cling film, duct tape, zip ties, handcuffs, they all have their appeal, their advantages and disadvantages. Cling film, in particular, is especially versatile (notably when combined with duct tape) as it can be used for mummification-type bondages or cinched up into an improvised rope.

But the thing I’ve been using for the 30-some-odd years that I’ve been actively tying up intimate partners is leather, specifically belts, mittens, armbinders, and other assorted paraphernalia. And I have to say that during that time, I’ve accumulated quite a collection, one I wouldn’t recommend anyone try to duplicate in a short time (unless you’re Christian Grey levels of rich).

Simple arm and leg bondage with leather straps

I’ll take a quick time-out here to indicate that pretty much every girl I’ve bound in leather has found the experience to be extremely pleasurable, with many going directly into subspace. Additionally, those who’re otherwise experienced with rope found the leather bondage to be a very different one.

To start with, there are the belts. You can accumulate quite a collection from your local thrift store very inexpensively (one store in town has all of their belts priced at $2.00). You can use them for wrapping wrists, ankles, arms, and legs. Thin belts can be used to cinch the wider one for extra tightness (or you can just use shoelaces). It’s amazingly easy to make belts pleasurably tighter by tugging for that extra notch (it also isn’t a bad idea to acquire a leather punch to add holes along the entirety of your belts).

You can take your time wrapping your girl in belt after belt after belt after belt, creatively finding new places to strap them into place, always tugging them tighter and tighter until she’s practically bulging around them, like a sausage. And if she finds them to be too tight, it’s a very simple matter to loosen or remove them entirely without disturbing the integrity of the bondage as a whole.

India bound to a board with leather straps

Best of all, as your intimate play progresses, you can progressively, easily, remove strap after strap until she’s entirely free. At which point she’ll likely go crazy on you.

I moved on from thrift store belts some years back and these days almost exclusively utilize the “Lexus” of belts made by the inimitable “Leather by Danny” (https://leatherbydanny.com/shop/en/). Not only are his straps the best on the market, he also manufactures a back binder which makes securely adding multiple straps to someone’s upper body remarkably easy. I’ll personally vouch for the quality of his merchandise, as well as his personal service in standing behind his products.

I suppose it goes without saying that leather straps can be used quite effectively in combination with the inevitable leather cuffs most people keep in their toybags. These, combined with any of the myriad of carabiners and other connectors which are easily (and inexpensively) accumulated from your local hardware store leave you with a variety of opportunities limited only by your imagination.

Leather bondage mitts prevent Iona’s hands from being useful

Moving on from simple belts and cuffs, we get into more advanced bindings, such as gloves, mittens, armbinders, and armbags, all of which are rather pricey but which leave a girl hopelessly and helplessly bound. Some lace up, some buckle, some have both, but all have the advantage of keeping a gal’s mischievously probing hands and fingers well in check, amping up the frustration factor considerably.

Finally, for the ultimate leather bondage, there’s the bodybag, or sleepsack, which will keep someone tied-up, strapped in, and strapped down like some sort of leather mummy. Even I don’t have one of these… yet. Watch this space.

Mistress Ashley keeps her slave in a sleep-sack

In the end, leather bondage can be a lot of fun, a unique, pleasurable experience, easy-on and easy-off, and one which, while it can be tested inexpensively, can ultimately be a real budget buster. Give it a try and you may find those ropes collecting dust in no time.

The Joy Of Bondage

August 23, 2020 By PirateStan 2 Comments

hot lesbians kissing shibari suspended — via stock.adobe.com

At this point in my life I’ve had the privilige of tying up, literally, dozens of gals (which is dozens more that I ever considered binding in my wildest dreams). I’ve bound young gals, old gals, thin gals, large gals, white gals, black gals, and pretty much every other type in between. I’ve tied flexi-gals who seemed capable of managing any sort of crazy pretzel tie you could conceive of, without flinchin; as well as gals with physical limitations such that they had to have their hands practically at their sides and could barely put their ankles together, and were still in pain.

Yes, I’ve bound lots of very different gals, but the one thing almost all of them had in common was the sheer joy and pleasure they took in being physically restrained in a consensual manner. And, inevitably, the more securely and tightly they were bound, the more they seemed to enjoy it.

Their faces light up in a huge grin, a primal joy and pleasure evident even if they’re wearing a gag. Alternately they fall into a blissful state of subspace, their faces neutral and slack as they find themselves face to face with something they never dreamed of experiencing.

It’s a high for them, but also one for me. Most guys only fantasize about bringing a gal to such a blissful state, and entirely too many gals fake that for the guy’s benefit. But when a gal gets tied, all artifice is removed, and a primal pleasure is brought to the fore, one that simply has to be experienced to be understood.

Certainly, I’ve tied more than one curious gal who wound up not finding the experience terribly enjoyable. Not every gal is craving bondage, whether they know it or not. Life’s menus comes in entirely too many varities to waste time indulging in something you don’t particularly care for.

As for the ones who do enjoy it, well I am at a loss. Perhaps it’s the thrill of the unknown, the rollercoaster which seems to send you plummeting to your death before pulling you suddenly out, that knowledge that you’re safe even as you crave that experience of utter helplessness.

As for myself, I’d spent entirely too many years in the vanilla dating scene, happy to merely find a gal who would *tolerate* being tied up, let alone one who’d love being tied as much as I enjoyed tying. Before the Internet was a thing, and if you lived in anything smaller than a big city, searching out bondage-inclined gals was a virtual impossibility (as was the opposite, I’m sure).

Of course, bondage has a rather wide appeal. Witness the number of kids who tie each other up, or check YouTube for all of the “bondage challenge” videos from people who otherwise consider themselves vanilla in the bedroom. Myself, I’ve bound a number of “bondage curious” gals who, after less than a half-dozen sessions, stopped enjoying the experience and moved on. One in particular, who I’m still in contact with 20 years later, jokes about it. Although, at the time, she certainly enjoyed it, having one of those expressions on her face.

As for my own girl, well, she’d been bondage curious her entire life, and had been tied up in a very limited fashion only very rarely. The first time we were together I tied her up in what I consider my “full monty” which anyone who’s experienced will tell you is an extremely tight and restrictive bondage. For her, it was a revelation, something she couldn’t wait to have more of. It was one of many things which cemented our relationship.

I take photos and video of her all the time, and my major complaint is that she looks too happy in most of them. She’s not a terrible actress, but needs to be coaxed to be either scared or angry in her secure bondage. She’s simply enjoying it too much.

The key is, some people love to bind, and some love to be bound. Indulge yourselves and enjoy life. There’s too much making us miserable that we shouldn’t take pleasure where we can.

Bondage On A Budget

July 19, 2020 By Baadmaster 3 Comments

submissive secretary tied with duct tape to chair — via stock.adobe.com

As we emerge from our houses, apartments and even bunkers, we are hit by some confusing signals. On the one hand we have a surge of optimism energizing us. On the other hand, reality has been a harsh Captain; there is every chance we might face a shortage of Bondo-Dollars. Besides, even if the strict social distancing rules fade away, people might still be reluctant to go to their favorite dungeon wielding a flogger with .05 feet of Dungeon Distancing. Thus buying bondage gear from the 99 Cents Store or from the Home Depot will enable you to have some fun stuff (a technical term) and not worry much about it. It ain’t a Sybian – but it’s a hell of a lot less bulky! Here’s the question that inspired this answer!

Reader: Master and I are brainstorming on ways to equip a rental home for play. What if you have very little space? How can you have a fun play space without causing damages that violate the average lease?

First of all, there are dungeons and there are dungeons. (It sounds better when you say it.) The question is, how extensive do you want your dungeon to be? Technically, any space with some rope, a couple of candles for atmosphere, a chair, a bed (with a frame or headboard to attach the ropes to) and some stuff (blindfolds, cuffs, floggers, canes, crops, etc.) is a dungeon. Impressing your fellow lifestylers notwithstanding, this is all you really need.

The key to any home dungeon is being inventive. Not only don’t you have to risk breaking your lease, you also don’t have to spend lots of money to make your play space wonderful. For example, there are “Ninety-Nine Cents” type stores in every city. Unbeknownst to them, they are the BDSM bargain basement of the Home Depot that we can all talk1 about. Here is just a partial list of dungeon supplies and toys available there; the enormity (love it!) of selection available at these places is impressive —

Spring-loaded paper clips — Budget nipple clamps! But wait, there’s more – for the genitalia too!

Hairbrushes — Two devices in one! Spanking on the flat side, light torture on the bristle side.

Rubber bands — The all-purpose BDSM toy. Wrap around the nipple or better still….

Clothespins — Buy a hundred of ‘em for a buck and go to town. They come in wood, plastic and in lots of sizes.

Loofah sponges, sandpaper, steel wool, Scotchbrite — These stores could be called “Abrasions ‘R Us!”

Spatulas — The slave can also use them to make breakfast.

Wooden spoons — The slave can also use them to make soup.

Rolling pins – The slave can also use them to make a pie crust.

C-clamps – Available in greater variety at the Home Depot. But here you can save a buck or two!

Plastic locking pliers — My personal favorite. Plastic knock-off of the metal version. this is a neat-o torture tool extraordinaire!

Pickle pinchers – Pinch your pickles — or pinch your submissive.

Funnels — Great for funnel play – or an oil change!

Cutting boards — The heavyweight paddle without the heavy price tag!

Candles — Even when I have some extra cash, I always buy the dollar-store candles.

Plastic curtain liners — These are great to put on your bed when you play with hot wax. Use once and throw away.

Bottle brushes — Less than a buck for this true tool of terror!

Karabiners — These nifty devices are spring-loaded metal links that can be put together to form a chain of any length. Simply awesome!

Baby pacifiers – Age play, humiliation, punishment…this is the toy of a thousand uses.

Mousetraps — Apply gently. Never snap them. Also keeps your new dungeon rodent-free.

Rope — Rope is available at these stores; but go to Home Depot instead.

Generic “Icy Hot” — If you are an Icy Hot fan, you can save a couple of dollars by buying the generic here. If you use a lot, it might pay!

Self-heating pads — These heating pads can be awesome when put on the right spot at the right time. Here at the right price!

Feather dusters, toothbrushes, chamois cloths — Tickle, tickle little star!

Rubber gloves — Useful in the kitchen, useful in the dungeon.

Alligator clips — All kinds of neat clips can be found here.

Dungeon Supplies — Cotton swabs, disinfectant wipes, alcohol, band-aids, baby oil, betadine swabs and other generic pharmacy supplies line the shelves at these bargain stores.

Of course, you can always go elaborate and design St. Andrew’s Crosses and the like – but then you have the problem of property damage. But between Home Depot and the “Under-A-Buck” joints, you can create a fun space – with no landlord worries!

And with COVID-19 lurking in the shadows, PUREL is a great “Hospital in a Bottle!!!

About the Author

After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.

Video: All about sub-space

July 19, 2020 By Bound To Talk 2 Comments

BDSM Clips: Subspace

Watch this video on YouTube

“Their eyelids get droopy, and they turn to jello”.

Is subspace all about bondage? What role does pain, pleasure and domination have in getting to the much talked about – and sometimes elusive – state of mind.

In this video from BoundToTalk, Mistress Italia dives deep into Subspace. What is it, why do people love to be in it (or bring their partners there), and how can one get there?

Interview with The Dark Arts

December 9, 2018 By slave_bunny 2 Comments

Witchy Pixie – https://www.instagram.com/witchy_pixie/

The Dark Arts-https://darkestarts.com/

How did you get your start in the lifestyle?

I was working on a production job a while back and met some people who were into the kink world and learned some stuff from them, mostly how different the actual kink world is than how it’s presented in movies and TV. I filed that information away in my mental memory banks and years later decided to start trying out some rope stuff with a few models. It ended up being fun and making for photos that were so much different than what I was doing up til then, so I kept learning, exploring and experimenting and things kinda snowballed.

What draws you to rope and bondage?

People standing around in clothing, underwear or naked is all fine and dandy, but rope is a less travelled road in terms of “something to put on a body to increase the aesthetic appeal” and it presents not only interesting things to look at from a decorative standpoint, but using the ropes to restrain or contort a body presents a whole new suite of visual options. Of course the tabooness of bondage is a factor too. There’s always something appealing about things that are seen as “forbidden” or “deviant” so that plays into it. Bondage or kink shouldn’t be taboo, and it would be great to live in a world where all forms of consensual art and/or sexuality are normalized, but for now there is that little extra spice in working with a medium that is seen this way.

Can you please describe your artistic process? What do you feel makes it unique?

There are a lot of people out there who do bondage photography, and I really make an effort to make my work stand out as unique in that genre. I think a hallmark of my style is that I really try to focus my images on the full body. I rarely crop out legs or shoot angles that obscure portions of a person. I tend to stand back and get the entire person in there with as blank of a background as possible. Obviously sometimes it’s impossible to have a solid color background when I am not in the studio, but I do my best to clear everything that’s not bolted down out of the frame. The other thing I try to make a signature is the use of lighting and color. I’m always thinking of new flash techniques or color combinations to make things look weird, alien or really pop off the screen.

What do you hope to accomplish with your work?

I’d love to be able to make a living off this, but photography is a tough racket anyway, and bondage photography is even harder. As with most things it boils down to who you know and who among the small number of companies or individuals who can pay for content want to pay you. I pull in a little money from my Patreon, and the book may end up turning a small profit when it’s all said and done, but it would be awesome to be hired to do this.

What does your book Light/Shadow/Color hope to show its viewers? Is there an

underlying message?

I suppose the main message is that bondage is beautiful and all bodies are beautiful. So much of bondage is contained to images of thin, young white and asian women and that alienates so many people of different genders, sizes, ages and colors. I do my best to shoot all kinds of people and show all kinds of bodies. Of course the vast majority of people who model are younger, thinner women, and a lot of men who contact me to shoot come across as really creepy or weird (asking me to find female models to shoot them with, etc…) so my body of work is not as diverse at I’d like it to be, but I try!

Is there a link between your work and your personal life? If so, what is it?

I keep my personal life pretty separate from my kink persona, but I will say that I absolutely incorporate kink into my private life. I am by no means a lifestyle kinkster or anything, and wouldn’t want to be, but I absolutely use my rope and kink skills in my personal relationships.

Can you give some photography Do’s and Don’ts?

Shoot a ton! I always go into a shoot with the expectation that I’ll only get a small number of good finished shots but I shoot a ton of each tie. The more you shoot of a setup, the higher the chances you’ll get a few that look amazing. It’s also important to make the model feel comfortable. If your intentions are to get some ass from a shoot, the model will smell that like stink on shit, so just… don’t. Be up front about everything from the get-go and be chill and easy going. Don’t make sexual jokes, don’t touch models in weird ways, don’t use pet names or compliment their boobs or butt. Use your damn head! Literally every shoot I do eventually gets to the point where we talk about all the creepy photographers they’ve shot with. Don’t be in those conversations! If a model is comfortable they will give you amazing photos even if they are not pros. Just being relaxed allows them to move more freely, make eye contact, not come across tense. Lastly, ease up on the damn skin filters! I know that a lot of people are self conscious about their appearance, but some photographers really overdo it on the filters and make people like like plastic.

What is the most challenging thing about your work?

For some reason it’s shooting in LA. I don’t know why, but I have had so many flakes and no-shows there. Must be something in the water. Beyond that it’s trying to not get burned out by shooting or getting bored. Sometimes it feels like I’m shooting the same stuff over and over, but that doesn’t last long. I do scale back shooting sometimes to get other things done in life, but usually shoot with some kind of regularity.

What do you feel your work reveals about you as a person?

I keep kind of mysterious as a person, but I imagine that people see my work and imagine a person who is very creative and principled with technique and style. THey may also see me as kind of a smartass if they follow my Instagram stories where I mess with all the dumbasses who message me thinking I am the models in my photos.

Are you currently working on any new projects? If so, what are they?

The book was just launched, so that’s the big project right now. There’s nothing else planned for a while other than more shooting and trying to think of new things to do!

Where can individuals view/purchase your work?

My website is the place to buy my book. I post all my work on Patreon, every photo! So if you want to see everything I do, Patreon is the place to do it for a very small monthly pledge. I also sell prints through email. I tried to make a self-service print site once and literally NOBODY ordered one after like two months so I closed it. It cost money to maintain and was not worth it. So now if anybody wants a print all they have to do is email me!

What is your overall goal as an artist? How do you plan to accomplish this?

My only real goal is to stay interested. If I lose interest I will stop doing it. If I can make some actual money with this then awesome, but that’s not necessarily a goal given how difficult that is.

Any closing thoughts?

Not really. I’m just happy to have the fans I do and like providing something fun and cool for people to enjoy in this otherwise trash fire of a world we live in!

About The Dark Arts

The Dark Arts is a Washington State based rope bondage rigger and photographer. They got into the art of shibari five years ago after being hired to shoot some people at a local kink club, began experimenting with the art form and soon was creating bondage imagery not seen very much from other people working in the bondage scene. The Dark Arts is constantly pushing the envelope of visual style, trying to incorporate bold colors and lighting and seeking diverse models that one generally doesn’t see in shibari photography. They strive to show all genders and bodies in rope, bucking the tradition of only putting petite white and Asian women in rope. LIGHT/SHADOW/COLOR is their first book and compilation of work.

Links:
https://darkestarts.com
https://www.patreon.com/thedarkarts
https://instagram.com/darkartsphoto/

bondage

The Dark Arts-https://darkestarts.com/

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