pain

Pain Processing In Kink

October 7, 2021 By Christmas Bunny 2 Comments

sexy male Dominant with wooden paddle — via stock.adobe.com

As some of you who follow me on Fet may have noticed, I recently added two rib tattoos to the markings Santa has gifted me.

They really fucking hurt, by the way.

Interestingly enough, through my conversations with the tattoo artist and subsequent research on tattooing, I learned a lot about my own pain management that was new information. While I already knew some of this, learning the rest has been a great stepping stone to help me build a more effective pain management routine for days when Santa and I have heavy impact planned.

Some know this one already because I’ve mentioned it or because they have experienced it: pain can be more intense during certain portions of the menstrual cycle. For many it is during the actual menstruation while for others it is during ovulation. Those hormonal changes can make pain less easily tolerated. For those who may be unaware of this fluxuation, it can be a surprise when they suddenly have difficulty with an experience, not realizing the hormonal factor can be a huge variance.

Sleep matters. There are times an extended impact session (or other painful experience) can be about relaxing and focusing on an area of the body that is not experiencing pain. Those techniques are easier to employ when well rested. As for the focus one, the best way I know to describe it is an almost meditative focus on a comfortable body part. I will rub my two largest toes together on the foot with the permanent toe ring. It is a unique sensation and it can help to stop focusing on the part of my body that is hurting.

Stay hydrated. Hydrated skin tends to be more resilient, and isn’t as easily irritated. Things like needles or other tools can create redness and skin irritation, and hydrated skin will generally be able to tolerare those things for longer.

Eat a good meal. I have been guilty of forgetting to eat prior to a scene, and I know some people who don’t eat anything hearty beforehand because they are concerned about appearing bloated or full. It turns out that not eating is terrible for pain tolerance. We get endorphin kicks and adrenaline rushes when we dance with pain. Those chemicals use sugars in the blood as fuel. Without having a reserve, such as carbs or even eating fruit before a scene, the resulting body response can be feeling shaky or weak after handling pain, and subsequent pain will just fucking hurt, because the adrenaline has run out of food to eat. That will definitely cut a scene short.

Avoid alcohol. While, sure, there are impaired consent issues here, from a purely practical standpoint, alcohol can increase the body’s sensitivity to pain. It can also dampen mental acuity and make it more difficult to process the sensations being experienced without becoming overwhelmed or upset.

Use calming breathing techniques or breathing for meditation. Women have used breathing in childbirth to withstand pain, and similar techniques can help in kink experiences.

Relax, for goodness’ sake. How many times have we heard that tensing a muscle makes pain more intense? Work on isolation techniques such as the ones practiced in yoga. These can be excellent for helping stay in tune with one’s body and remind it to relax.

My routine has changed since I’ve learned all of this. Obviously, there are things I can’t change, such as my menstrual cycle. What I can do is choose whether or not to do impact during that time, or choose implements I know I can handle even then.

When I get up the morning we have plans, I eat cereal. I make sure to have a snack in the afternoon, and eat steak or other protein before we leave the house. I also pack an apple or some fruit to eat before our scene, to give me that extra bit of sugar for my body to eat up with endorphins. I also carry protein bars for a quick pick-me-up. I drink water all day, once we arrive, and afterwards, as well. I find that by using this routine, I don’t tend to crash afterwards or even really experience much in the way of drop.

Obviously, everyone is different in the way they handle pain. The thing that doesn’t change is the chemistry behind how our bodies work. The more we understand about ourselves, the better we can be at taking care of our bodies. The better care we take of them, the longer we will be able to participate in the kink activities we enjoy.

This week in kink: August 6, 2018

August 6, 2018 By Desdemona 3 Comments

Gold Mine: Golden Heart [Self-Portrait by Domina Mara, featuring AV]

Dominatrixes discuss their orthodox Jewish clients and how they relate to kink

Click here to read the full article titled “Finding God In Kink”

Concretia: My Mistress Oasis [Self-Portrait by Domina Mara, featuring AV]

Photographers at San Francisco street fair are comparing taking pictures without consent to sexual assault

Click here to read more about their Ask First campaign

Foliage and Feet: Wooden Porch Fall [Self-Portrait by Domina Mara]

Don’t miss Brandy’s new book titled Brandy. The novel explores domination, which in her opinion is “grossly misunderstood.”

Click here to find out more

Garnet + Guard: Sitting Pup [Photography by AV + Domina Mara]

There are more men than you think that like mutual masturbation

Click here to dive deeper into this fetish

Fall Outdoors: Knee Up [Self-Portrait by Domina Mara]

Siyang Luo and Xiao Zhang recently conducted a neuro-BDSM scientific study concerning pain, empathy, and suffering

Click here to read more

Have some kinky news to share? Tell us about any upcoming BDSM events, new products, dungeon openings / closings, collarings, kink in mainstream media, and anything else you think kinky folks might be interested to hear about. Send your tips through to kinkweekly@gmail.com, and it might just end up on next week’s “This Week in Kink.”

How Do You “Weigh” In?

October 10, 2016 By Jenn Masri 1 Comment

So the idea for this article came up when a friend of mine posed a question in an open kinky forum. He asked, “when it comes to play, do you consider yourself a “light”, “medium”, or “heavy” player? this goes for tops and bottoms.”

As you can imagine he got many different responses – most of which came down to two basic responses. One, people took a guess at how “heavy” they think they are. Usually followed by a suggestion to double check that with their current or past play partners. Or two, they said how heavy they are depends on who they play with, the implements used, how long since they played last, etc. Basically that it may be different based on several possible variables. My reply was in the latter category.

This idea of “light” vs. “medium” vs “heavy” is such a subjective issue that there really aren’t definitive answers. I don’t believe most bottoms are one thing across the board. This refers to two things, partners and implements. A bottom may be “lighter” when playing with someone new to them because they are nervous, the partner and their style of play is still less familiar, etc. However, as trust develops and a higher level of comfort, so may the bottoms level of “heaviness”. As you begin to feel more trust, comfort and familiarity with a partner, it tends to be easier to relax and let go and dig a little deeper into the realm of subspace. Also, for some, they may be “heavier” with their Dominant or primary partner and not so much with other play partners – no matter how long they’ve been playing together. This may be because the bottom pushes themselves a little further with someone they are in a more committed D/s relationship with.

With implements you have a similar situation. I have met very few (can count on one hand) bottoms who can take the same level of play across all implements or types of play. For some it’s a matter of “thuddy” vs “stingy” – being heavier with one over the other. It could be more specific though. Someone may be pretty heavy with leather floggers but extra light with leather paddles and perhaps more of a medium when it comes to canes. Or lighter with impact play and heavier with needles and cutting. The possibilities are endless. Then, once you kinda figure out where you tend to be – you may play with someone who believes they are Topping you lightly with paddles but they are more “heavy handed” than you are used to so to you, as the bottom, it’s too much. On the opposite end perhaps the Top thinks they are going all out with a flogger and the bottom is waiting for things to really get started!

Sometimes changes in pain tolerance can come down to hormonal cycle, recent or early stages of illness or current head space!
A big issue I see is when bottoms come into the scene and they feel like they have to “measure up” to other bottoms or “take more” for their Tops even if it’s beyond what they’re comfortable with. I call this “sub ego” – and guess what – if you take something harder or heavier you don’t get a special prize! There is no cape, no trophy. One person’s light is another’s heavy. One person’s heavy is another’s light. Just because you can’t take something (or someone) as heavy as someone else it doesn’t mean you are lesser than or a less worthy bottom. There is NO SHAME in being lighter. And I can guarantee you that someone out there is lighter than you. That’s ok too. Play isn’t about “who can take more” – it’s about fun, connection, catharsis, energy exchange, and exploration. A good Top wants the bottom to have a positive experience so they want to play again – not to ”take more just to take more” and wake up the next day with regret. Don’t focus on being a “Super Sub” – focus on learning where you fit without shame or competition.

Jennifer Masri is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, specializing in Alternative Lifestyles for individual and relationship issues. She also teaches the BDSM 101 class series at Sanctuary LAX in Los Angeles every Monday evening. Read more about Jennifer on her blog, A Kink Shrink.

A New Look at Pain

November 16, 2015 By Baadmaster 8 Comments

One of the most pervasive questions in this lifestyle is whether pain is essential in a BDSM relationship. The answer is an unequivocal “no.” One can have an awesome Doninant/submissive partnership with absolutely no pain being involved. It could be a sex slave arrangement, a service slave situation or any number of D/s unions. Then again, there could only be symbolic or light pain involved. A hand spanking when a submissive misbehaves or a light crop on the palms can be the basis of a very hot D/s relationship. Or just a light hand spanking in a kinky vanilla relationship. (After all, this is Kink Weekly!) The possibilities are virtually endless. We have no scientific data, but we would bet the number of non pain or light pain relationships far outnumber those using significant pain. Of course, the Sadist who whips his masochist in a dungeon attracts more attention than the Master with a sex slave whose service is limited to the bedroom. But, that is just the way it would appear to a casual observer; on closer analysis, it does not mean that pain is the preferred, or more popular, way to go. There is no one right way to do BDSM. That being said, the question remains, why is pain often an integral part of a BDSM relationship? What we propose is that there are three distinct aspects to pain that make it so pervasive. We will term this trio “the ‘Story of O’ effect,” “the subspace effect” and “the bonding effect.” Let’s examine them in order.

1. The “Story of O effect” alludes to the landmark novel of Dominance and submission by Paulene Reage, available for free. which took the world by storm in the seventies. At its core is the old school romantic proposition that a slave will do things for her/his Dominant that he/she would not do for anyone else. “Suffering for one’s Master” as a sign of submission. The novel, and a subsequent movie, has some odd, and debatable, takes on love and sacrifice; but, the overall message is that the devotion a slave has to her Master/Mistress can be judged by the amount of pain the slave takes. As BDSM progressed from the 70’s, this concept evolved into the common practice of pushing the submissive’s limits. Here the submissive/slave (for convenience, we will use these terms interchangeably) is being taken to places that she would not ordinarily go to for any other Dominant. “Pushing limits” does not have the verbal pizzazz, nor the romantic luster, that “Suffering for one’s Master” does. But, the effect can be almost identical. In both instances, we are using pain thresholds as a way of measuring the dedication of a submissive.

2. The “subspace effect” is commonly intertwined with the “Story of O effect.” Subspace often occurs during a pain session. What is this mysterious state called “subspace?” Although subspace will be explained in another Kink Weekly article (amazingly, it is titled “Subspace!”), it can safely be stated that subspace is a mental/physical state caused by a rush of endorphins flooding the body. Among subs who have experienced it, it is likened to “flying.” In fact, “flying” is a synonym for it. By all accounts, subspace is an incredible high. And here is the hook: it is accessed most easily and predictably by…guess what…pain!

The most effective way of putting a submissive into subspace is to spank/flog/cane him/her over a period of time. (Note: always observe safe words during BDSM play.) To put it succinctly, pain is popular because it works. As opposed to the “Story of O” effect, one does not have to push limits to get a submissive to fly. Moderate, or even light pain over a longer period of time, can be just as effective as extreme pain. Besides, what one person’s sting can be another person’s hurt.

3. The “bonding effect” might be an even more notable facet of pain than the previous two – if only on a subconscious level. Rarely spoken about in BDSM circles, its bonding power can be unbelievably potent. It appears the pain/pleasure/endorphin dynamic that is actuated when pain is given and received brings the duo together in unique ways. Whether they are play partners or a Dom/sub couple, the trust involved in pain play invariably bonds the two people together. Even casual players develop a close friendship that is deeper than being just golfing partners. Add into this the enjoyment that the Dominant gets from flogging – and even marking – a submissive. Perhaps this is one of the great appeals of pain!

Taken in totality, when these three aspects of pain are actuated, the partners can amplify any type of BDSM relationship they have agreed too. Light pain, medium pain or heavy pain can all be equally effective. Whatever pain threshold you decide to work with, the concept of three “effects of pain” might give you an insight into its power. After all, pain can be a potent tool for pleasure!

by BAADMASTER
After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.

pain

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