submission

This week in kink news: October 26, 2020

October 24, 2020 By Dexx 2 Comments

Don’t miss the riveting story of how Ms. Vivienne became a dominatrix.

She gets real and personal when sharing her story. Furthermore, she explains her view of sex work and how it has changed her life for the better.

Click below to read more from The Independent!

Curous to learn the top five sexual fantasies amidst the general public?

Articles like this can help us see that we aren’t as “demented” as we may think we are, and that we aren’t as alone as we may think we are either.

Click below to learn more from News Patrolling!

5 Most Common Sexual Fantasies

Upscale, NY, sex club decides to have a Black Death-themed Halloween party.

We, here at Kink Weekly, know that everyone has their own comfortability regarding quaratine practices.

Decide for youself about this party by reading Oli Coleman’s article!

https://pagesix.com/2020/10/12/upscale-sex-club-snctm-plots-black-death-themed-halloween-party/

Have some kinky news to share? Tell us about any upcoming BDSM events, new products, dungeon openings / closings, kink in mainstream media, and anything else you think kinky folks might be interested to hear about. Send your tips through to kinkweekly@gmail.com, and it might just end up on next week’s “This Week in Kink.”

Why I Don’t Use Fear As A Submissive Motivator

October 17, 2020 By Ms. Rika 2 Comments

handcuffs, sex on the bed — via stock.adobe.com

I hope you have been enjoying Rika’s Lair, my monthly column dedicated to thoughts and experiences regarding power dynamics in Service-Oriented D/s relationships. Look up “Ms. Rika” in the search box for links to all of my articles in KinkWeekly!

Yesterday, I was chatting with a dominant who was boasting about how he had put the “fear of God” into his submissive, so that she would never disobey him. He talked about a sequence of scenes that he created, whereby she was subjected to her worst fears. In fact, he was particularly proud of how the use of spiders, a phobia of hers, had made her wet herself in fear. He said that she is now perfectly behaved and responds immediately to his every demand – since she never wants to relive that experience.

The conversation turned my stomach, frankly. I know it’s a flavor of fantasy, but it struck me more as abuse than D/s. Still, it did get me thinking. In many circumstances, punishments are used to establish a baseline of fear in order to obtain compliance. I’ve often heard of the practice of punishing a new submissive before they’ve actually done anything wrong – as a means of showing them the consequences of misbehaving and establishing the fear of having to repeat the ordeal. This technique was even used in “Venus in Furs” upon the signature of the contract, where Wanda told Severin that he shall feel the bite of the whip, for no reason other than her whim – as a means of solidifying the agreement and establishing the cost of disobedience.

As I thought more about it, I found myself considering how I treat my submissives and comparing it to this technique. I have complete authority over them and can do anything I want to them. Sometimes I choose to cause them discomfort. Do they fear me? More importantly, do I WANT them to fear me?

I found my answers in the differentiation between ‘compliance’ and ‘submission’. Compliance is doing what you’re told; submission is dedicating yourself to the preferences of another. I concluded that, while there is no doubt that establishing fear is an effective technique for gaining compliance, it is not the best technique for gaining submission. I further concluded that, while I enjoy obedience from my submissives, I’m not interested in their BLIND obedience. I don’t want obedience to be their goal, I want it to be the byproduct of their goal. I don’t want them to please me by obeying me, I want them to obey me because they’re striving to please me. Certainly not doing what I want would not please me and would make my life more complicated. When the focus of the submissive is to be the best submissive that they can be, their motivation is to strive to deliver top-notch service. So, in order to serve me well, one of the things they’ll do, is to do what I want them to. What I know for sure, is that I don’t want them to obey me because they fear the consequences of not obeying me.

What’s wrong with fear-based motivation? I see a few key issues when you consider submission and not just compliance:

• The submissive finds themselves looking for “Outs” – ways to avoid the consequence. The goal is that they will avoid the consequence by complying with the request. However, if they can avoid the consequence more easily than complying with the demand, they will – because the motivation is all about the consequence and not about the request itself. The “Loophole” in the rule becomes a possibility…and then the dominant is forced to punish use of the loophole…and round you go.

• The submissive will comply only as much as is needed, to avoid the consequence. Most fear based victims will not attempt to exceed the ask. They will do the minimum to avoid the consequence. They also will not apply lessons learned to other requests. In other words, unless there is a specific consequence looming over another task – even one that’s similar to the known task – the submissive is not motivated to get the job done, as there’s no consequence attached to that item. The dominant is forced to establish a consequence for every action they wish to control.

• The onus of successful completion falls on the dominant! With fear-based motivation, the dominant must first establish a consequence that’s compelling enough to motivate the submissive. It must be something that can be actually delivered, as a sub will not be motivated unless the consequence is real. And it needs to be effective. Should the submissive NOT execute the demand, it is because the dominant did not establish a fearful enough consequence, did not consider a loophole, or didn’t apply a consequence to a particular outcome.

These three points establish obedience as the dominant’s responsibility to enforce. All the sub is doing is avoiding the consequence they fear. The dominant is busy creating maintaining, and delivering the consequences. That’s a lot of work and responsibility for the person who’s supposed to be the one being served!

Contrast this with a submissive who is motivated by their own inner desire to please and serve (and therefore, obey) their dominant:

• The dominant is only on the hook for communicating their preferences – then the submissive takes responsibility for delivering what the dominant wants. The onus of success is on the submissive.

• The submissive’s focus is on the results of obedience, not on obedience itself. If the sub completes the task, that pleases / serves the dominant – and there’s a successful exchange. The objective is to serve the dominant, not to follow orders.

• Submissives are much more likely to exceed the dominant’s immediate demand, in an effort to serve them even better. The better the sub gets in touch with the preferences of their unique dominant, the better the level of their service becomes.

While fear-based motivations are quick and don’t require a lot of communication to enact, they lack the depth of adjustment that submission-based discipline provides. In the short term, and for a specific task, fear-based may be more efficient, but ultimately, when the submissive is focused on the dominant’s satisfaction, rather than on themselves (avoiding their own discomfort), there is less work for the dominant – and the dominant is better served. This is because submissives are more apt to internalize the dominant’s preferences, and adjust ALL aspects of their behavior in accordance, rather than only a specific, penalizable action.

Personally, I haven’t needed to resort to fear-based motivations. I’m glad, because I really don’t want to. I have found that my submissives are quite capable of providing the self-discipline required to focus on my satisfaction. We are in a partnership, working together to help them provide the best possible service and to tune that service uniquely to me.

Ms. Rika is a lifestyle dominant, educator, and author; living in the suburbs of NYC with her husband/slave. She has written several popular books on her approach to adding Dominant-Centric, Service-Oriented D/s to relationships. You can find her books (in both print and eBook formats) at Lulu.com (http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/msrika), or at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, the iStore, Books-A Million, Kobo.com, or anywhere books are sold. Search for “Ms. Rika”. Write to me at Ms_Rika@hotmail.com

The Downside Of Demonstrating Submission

September 26, 2020 By Ms. Rika 2 Comments

mistress dominating male slave on leash — via stock.adobe.com

This week, I was chatting with a submissive who had been dismissed from her mistress’ poly household because she was unable to control her jealousy and need for attention. Now, almost a year later, she has returned asking for forgiveness and swearing that she’s changed.

I correspond with the mistress fairly frequently. In the past, she has shared the issues with this particular submissive, and last year, I provided a sounding board when she was torn about dismissing this submissive. I got good insight into the types of challenges that they were facing and saw how the submissive was creating an intolerable situation; being demanding and emotionally taxing. Dismissal was appropriate. Now, the submissive is begging to come back and promising great change. As is the tendency in these cases, my friend seems to have forgotten the problems of the past and wants to believe that the submissive has changed her ways. The submissive reached out to me, feeling the need to tell me how she’s changed and how “things will be different this time” and how she “will show the dominant how much she’s changed”.

I have the luxury of being emotionally detached from the situation – and so my memory serves me a bit better than that of my friend. I’m a believer in adjustment and in lessons learned – which this submissive has clearly experienced – but the way she worded her intent made me skeptical that change is possible.

At the root of my doubt is an issue that’s very common among sub-centric submissives; the notion that they can “demonstrate submission”.

Demonstrating submission is a sub-centric activity. It may not seem that way at first, because the stated objective is to show how good their submission is, but “demonstrating something” is an action that requires that the one to whom the demonstration is given, observe and acknowledge the performer. The focus of attention during a demonstration is on the demonstrator.

This feeds the sub-centric psyche. The focus of attention is on them. They are the performer. They are being watched and judged. The dominant is forced into the position of having to “write the review” of the performance – and determine if the show stays open. Even though the sub’s actions are stated to be for the dominant, their actual intent is self-serving.

Imagine what’s going to happen if the dominant is preoccupied with something (or someone) else while the submissive is trying to demonstrate their improved submission. What if the dominant is just not paying attention at that point and time? Will the sub feel that their efforts are being neglected or ignored? Should the sub wait until the dominant is paying attention to demonstrate their submission? That wouldn’t be very good submission, would it?

I’m not saying that subs shouldn’t get feedback. All subs are entitled to get feedback. They have no other way to improve their submission. For those of you who’ve read my books, you will remember CERAF, the acronym that stands for what I consider to the be the primary responsibility of a dominant: Communication, Expectation, Recognition”, “Assessment” and “Feedback”. The last three steps are all

about seeing the sub’s efforts, assessing them, and providing the feedback to help them improve. How does “RAF” differ from a sub trying to demonstrate their submission?

The difference is in “Demand”. It’s one thing to want to be the best submissive you can be – internalize your dominant’s expectations and use their assessment and feedback to make adjustments – it’s completely another to make the intent of your actions to force acknowledgement of them. The intent of a good submissive is to serve the dominant – and internalizing feedback and making adjustments are the best ways to reach that objective. But when the intent is to force acknowledgement, to PROVE something to the dominant, to get the dominant to admit that improvement – that’s when it becomes manipulation and self-centered behavior.

Submission is a commitment that you make; a dedication to a dominant. Your focus is on the dominant – their expectations, their preferences, and their desires. Submission is “good” when the dominant feels that it’s good. The dominant doesn’t need to be “Shown” how good submission is – we feel it. A good dominant will provide that feedback at appropriate times and on their own schedule, but not because it’s demanded in order to confirm the submissive’s objective.

A exaggerated example, to demonstrate the difference, can be seen in this tale of two submissives, tasked to clean a bathroom:

Submissive #1 Cleans the bathroom. Does the very best job they can and heads on to do their next chore. The dominant eventually uses the bathroom and calls the sub in an says, “Nice job, but next time be sure to wash the tops of my makeup and cold cream containers”. The sub notes that so they can do it the next time.

Submissive #2 Says, “Thank you Goddess…I’m going to clean the bathroom and I’m going to make it SPARKLE! You’ll see”. The sub cleans the bathroom and then seeks out the dominant. “Would you like to inspect my work?” If the dominant is not interested in inspecting the work, submissive #2 sulks, until, eventually the dominant relents and inspects the work. Submissive #2 is anxiously awaiting acknowledgment that the dominant sees how good a job they did. The fact that cold cream container cover is not cleaned becomes an issue that submissive #2 interprets as a failure to demonstrate their improved submission. The dominant, feeling this pressure, might even not mention the cold cream container – just to avoid the emotional tumult.

OK…that’s an exaggerated scenario – but it highlights the underlying intents…and whether they’re as blatant as this example or not, they are FELT.

Being the audience of a demonstration demands attention. Being the presenter adds pressure and makes criticism personal. Dominants need to provide feedback and submissives need to listen, internalize, and adjust – but an intent to serve must not manipulate a dominant. Don’t demonstrate your submission – just submit.

Ms. Rika is a lifestyle dominant, educator, and author; living in the suburbs of NYC with her husband/slave. She has written several popular books on her approach to adding Dominant-Centric, Service-Oriented D/s to relationships. You can find her books (in both print and eBook formats) at Lulu.com (http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/msrika), or at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, the iStore, Books-A- Million, Kobo.com, or anywhere books are sold. Search for “Ms. Rika”. Write to me at Ms_Rika@hotmail.com

Anticipatory Service: Is it Right for Your Dynamic?

September 5, 2020 By Ms. Rika 2 Comments

sexy power exchange couple, submissive blindfolded — via stock.adobe.com

People’s preferences differ. Dominants are no exception. One topic that generates lots of debates among dominants – and therefore, confusion among subs – is the area of Anticipatory Service. To some (myself included), having a submissive who is so in-tuned with my definition of dominance and submission, that they can consistently accurately act in accordance with my preferences, without needing to be told and without needing to ask for permission, is the pinnacle of good submission. To others, it’s a repulsive idea.

When I mention Anticipatory Service, I’m often met with, “Subs make terrible mind-readers!” I respond that the notion that anticipation requires reading someone’s mind is completely erroneous. Yes, anticipatory service requires that the sub be focused on the dominant quite a bit. They need to remember things, be observant, and present. It requires that the sub be attentive, empathetic, and a little intuitive. But they’re not expected to be a mind-readers. Rather, they’re expected to internalize their dominant’s preferences and apply them to their decisions.

There are dominants who prefer that the sub never take the initiative to act on their behalf and to never make their own decisions. They may allow the submissive to make suggestions, but never to act without instruction / permission to do so. They prefer the method of “Recall and Obey”: Only allow the sub to act on their own when it’s in response to a standing directive (e.g., Every Tuesday AM do this…Every time I do that, you do this).
For me, this plays on the difference between “Information” and “Instruction”. Information provides the “Why” of a request, whereas Instruction provides the “How”. If I inform the sub that I want something done and provide the basis for them to determine what “correct” is, they are given the responsibility of determining how to do it to my expectation.

If I provide instruction, they are to “obey” and follow those instructions. In my opinion, a sub following instructions will, at best, meet expectations – whereas a sub who is given information can exceed those expectations. For me, a sub who can exceed my expectations is a top-notch sub!

To clarify this distinction, I propose the following scenario:
Let’s say a dominant tells her sub, “From now, until I tell you otherwise, you are to bring me a glass of wine with a bowl of fruit each evening when I sit down to watch TV.”

The sub does so, each evening: Recall and obedience.
Tomorrow, the dominant has an appointment with the doctor and will be getting her blood taken to test for blood sugar levels. The sub knows this and knows that she cannot have the sugar from the fruit, nor from the alcohol, but it’s slipping the dominant’s mind – and she isn’t telling the sub to do anything different.

The sub has some choices:

1. Pure recall and obedience would edict that the sub does what he’s told to do, anyway – as he wasn’t told NOT to do it…so he would blindly obey. He brings the glass of wine and fruit, obediently.
2. Inquire, don’t act: The sub reminds the dominant of her blood test the next day and asks if he should bring the wine and cheese anyway. The dominant would then tell the submissive if she would have something else instead.
3. Anticipatory: The sub reminds the dominant of her blood test the next day and shows her that he prepared an alternate snack that doesn’t impact the blood work, and offers it as an option to her. If the alternative is not what she wants, she’ll send him off for something else, otherwise, she’s all set.

Given this example, some dominants are going to choose #2; not wanting the sub to act without permission. Frankly, I don’t see too many choosing #1, as that strikes me a bit more like fantasy play than reality. You all can likely guess that I’d prefer #3. I don’t mind allowing the sub to use their minds and not rely only on me.

If my sub were choosing the alternative snack for me, it wouldn’t be chosen out of the blue – nor would it be chosen because he miraculously “read my mind” – it would be chosen based on his best understanding of my preferences, the situation as it stands, (in this case) his knowledge of blood tests and the impacts of what I ate / drank prior to drawing the blood, and any other factors that might influence my preference (e.g, What I ate earlier in the day – if he knows that, if I will be working out later – if he knows that, what I’m having for dinner – if he knows that, etc.).

All of those “If he knows that”s are important to note. He’s not expected to know everything – he can’t read my mind. He’s expected to take whatever he knows and use it to make his best, educated, anticipation. Obviously, the more in-tuned he is with me; the more he is aware of my patterns and the way I prefer to handle situations, and the more observant he can be – the more educated and accurate his anticipation will be. This would give him the best chance of arriving at a solution that will please me.

And if he doesn’t get it right, that’s OK too. I don’t get mad at my sub if he anticipates incorrectly – as long as he was truly trying to the best of his ability and as long as he learns from his mistakes. If he gets something wrong (or not right), then it’s a learning experience that will influence and improve his anticipation skills in the future. We’re in this, together, for the long haul.

I assure you, that when a sub gets it right and comes up with something PERFECT that I, myself, might not have even thought of – exceeds my expectations – that’s heaven! Consider that, If he’s obedient, the best I can get is what I can think of. Whereas, if he gets good at anticipating, and is encouraged to do so, I can get surprised by things that may be even BETTER than what I would have thought of! Two minds can be better than one – as long as they’re focused on the same objective (my happiness)!

If you’re a submissive, be sure to take your lead from the unique dominant to whom you’re submitting. Don’t assume anticipatory service is better because Rika said it is for her. You are a student, who needs to learn your dominant’s preferences – particularly when it comes to the style of submission they would like. Also, submissives, don’t try to push your preferences onto your dominant. You might like to never be allowed to make a decision on your own, but your dominant may not like the pressure / burden that places on them. If your goal is to make your dominant pleased with your service as their submissive, focus on their preferences and adapt to deliver to the best of your ability.

If you’re a dominant, make sure you understand and communicate your preferences to your submissives. Usually dominants don’t need to be told that, but you might be surprised how often dominants either forget, or try to appease their submissives. Know what you prefer and assure your submissive understands it. Then expect it to be done the way you prefer!

Ms. Rika is a lifestyle dominant, educator, and author; living in the suburbs of NYC with her husband/slave. She has written several popular books on her approach to adding Dominant-Centric, Service-Oriented D/s to relationships. You can find her books (in both print and eBook formats) at Lulu.com (http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/msrika), or at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, the iStore, Books-A- Million, Kobo.com, or anywhere books are sold. Search for “Ms. Rika”. Write to me at Ms_Rika@hotmail.com

Neediness is not a good trait in a submissive

July 19, 2020 By Ms. Rika 4 Comments

Neediness breeds sub-centric behavior – Why neediness is a poor motivation strategy

A needy person, by definition, is someone who is driven by a quest to satisfy their own internal desire. A straight dictionary definition of “needy” deals primarily with money – but the Urban dictionary defines needy in a way that better fits the way we’re using it:

“Requiring attention beyond what is normative.”

A sub who is “needy” – who demands attention to their plight – doesn’t make a very good submissive, because the motivation for their actions is self-serving. They are trying to quench their own desires. And, once satiated (if that’s even possible), and they are no longer needing fulfillment, their motivation disappears. This is what I’ve been terming sub-centric behavior. The focus of the sub is not on pleasing the dominant, it’s on satisfying their own need by whatever means necessary.

I would argue that, anything which increases the amount of neediness in a sub, increases the amount of sub-centric intent that person has. This might even be considered “by definition”, if you really think about it.

So, if that’s true, motivating a sub by creating neediness is counter-productive – if your aim is to create a dominant-centric dynamic. You’re driving that sub to more and more sub-centricity – focusing him more and more on the end-goal of satisfying HIMSELF. No matter how immediately effective it is in the short term, I think it’s a bad technique for the long term.

The short-term effects of neediness, if not addressed, often wear off, unless the dominant chooses to reinforce that neediness – to maintain it. The concern for the dominant is to make sure that the sub does not get complacent or comfortable – which would reduce the desire and therefore the motivation for compliance. So, they find themselves being forced to track and monitor the sub’s level of desire – perhaps manipulate it to keep it piqued. That’s a lot of work, if you ask me.

So regardless of whether it “works” or not, the tactic of increasing neediness as a means of motivation is not something I would want in my dynamics (or FLRs) because it is not something that builds the kind of consistent self-discipline a sub requires to dedicate himself to his submission for the long term – something he will require if he is to remain submissive, independent of his level of need (which varies over time).

Some will argue that “a sexually satisfied sub is a lazy sub” and theories like this that suggest a sub male who is allowed to orgasm on a regular basis becomes lazy and inattentive to his dominant’s desires and needs. They then conclude that one of the things that a dominant must do is to increase his need by not allowing him to orgasm regularly through T&D, chastity, etc.

This is only true if you allow it to be true. If you allow this presumption to have merit, it will. Submission is an outward expression of dedication to another person, not an inward reflection of one’s own desperation. I enjoy T&D, but it does not build submission.

Reward vs. Internal Benefit

Others argue that, “No human being ever does anything without the prospect of a reward”. This is quite a skeptical statement, just from a societal standpoint, but the real argument is in the use of the word “Reward”.

I use the word “reward” differently the words “personal benefit”. To me, a reward is something you get for something from the person for whom you did the task. It is often something promised in advance and used to entice a person to complete a task. It is a form of payment. In this context, I don’t agree that people need a reward to do something. On the other hand, I do agree that people are motivated by the benefits for themselves. A sub who enjoys to serve benefits from the dynamic as much as the person being served. But that benefit comes from within themselves.

It’s not just semantics. A sub who serves because he loves the feeling of making the dominant happy receives his benefit from within. The dominant doesn’t give him happiness, he experiences it himself because submission works for him. Does he benefit? Of course! But is the dominant obligated to provide something to him in exchange for his service? No. A reward would be something given to the submissive IN EXCHANGE, OR REMEDIATION, FOR their submission. The phrase “Submission is its own reward” is a little misleading, in my opinion. That type of “reward” is a self-appropriated benefit. It’s not the same thing as if the dominant rewarded the sub for their service.

I think that’s the same differentiation for the use of the word “Needy”. A sub who is needy is one who is demanding that the dominant fulfill that need. Whether they come out and demand it, or just act up to get attention, or whose service suffers because of their selfish desires. Needing to submit is something that the sub can fulfill for themselves through their own actions. It’s not something that they are demanding that the dominant provide.

The one who is obligated, matters

I frequently encounter couples where the dominant feels “obliged” to think up things for the submissive to do…to keep the submissive busy and fulfilled in their submission. The submissives in these situations are completing their tasks as quickly as they can, and then immediately searching for more.

Wanting more tasks to do and pestering a dominant to think up more tasks are two very different things. How the submissive materializes his need determines how much attention he requires. A submissive who completes his task and then hounds his dominant with “What’s Next” questions isn’t serving the dominant. However, if he completes a task he can continue to serve by following the wishes and preferences of his dominant – if she likes proactive service, he can seek out new tasks and things to do by himself without forcing her to focus on him. If she doesn’t like proactive service, then he can serve by simply being quiet and patiently awaiting her next order – making himself ready and willing without requiring attention.

Many will argue that, when we are in a relationship, we are “responsible” for fulfilling the needs of our partners – D/s or otherwise. That it is the job of one partner to fulfill the others’ needs.

The way I see it, we are responsible for our own happiness. I view obligation in a relationship slightly differently. When we’re in a relationship, we care about our partners. We consider their needs. We recognize that mutual satisfaction of needs is something that is required for a relationship to last – When needs are not met in a relationship, the relationship is in jeopardy. We want our partners to be fulfilled. This doesn’t change because you have a power dynamic. The difference between helping a partner feel fulfilled and being responsible for their happiness.

Believing that you have an obligation to fulfill your partner’s desires is a kind of old-fashioned thought. I look at it as a much more natural extension of caring. I don’t feel OBLIGATED, but I feel joy in knowing I can make him happy and fulfill his desires. That’s part of what creates the bond between two partners. I don’t do things for my husband because it’s my obligation to do them – I do them because I love him and want to see him happy. It’s natural and non-burdening.

Just as in a non-power-based relationship, I find joy in seeing my submissive happy. I do things for him, just because he enjoys them, because I care for him and love to see him happy. However, we have a power dynamic and therefore, the things he does for me, he does because he is my submissive and has committed to serve me. He granted me, by virtue of his commitment to serve me, the entitlement to EXPECT and DEMAND that he fulfills my every wish; need or want. Just being in a relationship doesn’t give you the right to demand. It gives you the right to walk away from the relationship if you don’t get what you need – but it does not entitle you to demand fulfillment of your wants. The D/s power commitment obligates the submissive and entitles the dominant.

Ms. Rika is a lifestyle dominant, educator, and author; living in the suburbs of NYC with her husband/slave. She has written several popular books on her approach to adding Dominant-Centric, Service-Oriented D/s to relationships. You can find her books (in both print and eBook formats) at Lulu.com (http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/msrika), or at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, the iStore, Books-A- Million, Kobo.com, or anywhere books are sold. Search for “Ms. Rika”. Write to me at Ms_Rika@hotmail.com

The Anthropology of Female Submissives

February 23, 2020 By 1_smoothoperator 3 Comments

Early History:

There are a number of unique primal characteristics in human females, which over the millennia, have resulted in, first and foremost, the survival and proliferation of civilization, and secondarily the unique circumstances we have now come to know and enjoy as human sexuality. Additionally, Several characteristics of the female anatomy have contributed to this phenomena; One is the physiology of storing fat to secure survival through drought and famine, while continuing to nurse offspring. The genetic characteristics of enlarged breasts, and buttocks was not unnoticed, nor unappreciated by their male counterparts. The fact all men are offspring of females and therefore nursed on their mothers breasts, provide the essence of adoration for breasts, and nipples. But perhaps more importantly, the primary differentiation between humans and their animal counterparts is the fact that human females do not advertise their readiness for mating with physical external signals, such as swollen, and or discolored genitalia. Instead, human females can conceal their proclivity for mating until a time and place of their choosing, by simply delivering a que to an available with near universal acceptance. This enormous advantage over their male counterparts provides the basic conflict between the sexes. i.e. males constant, ready go instincts, and the females desire for selection of the most desirable and genetically qualified males. This “anti-natural selection” aspect of sexual intercourse, has resulted in a superior genealogy of the human race. It has also set up the principal ingredients for the dilemma of female submissiveness in the face of male physical superiority. The dilemma, is females are dependent on the males for food and shelter, and males are beholden to females for procreation, bearing, and rearing children, and other menial tasks. There also seems be a strong basal psychological aspect to this arrangement, which is the ’s apparent “need please” the male , and the feelings associated with pleasurable sex. While this arrangement has worked well sustaining and expanding the human race, these primal sexual underpinnings live on with us today. This brings us to the primary distinction between humans and the rest of the animal kingdom, humans are the specie that engage in sex for pure pleasure and not only for procreation.

Religious & Societal Oppression:

Organized religions & society have placed additional layers of oppression/suppression onto sexuality in order to limit the influence of unbridled female sexuality on impulsive males. Girls are indoctrinated at an early age, against sexual pleasures, exhibiting their breasts or genitalia under any circumstances. Is it any wonder nearly every young woman endowed with what men consider to be the most beautiful parts of the anatomy, their breasts, would not want to show the world their prized treasures at their first opportunity? Of course not. This illustrates the “girls gone wild” syndrome whereby when given the opportunity to display something they recognize as desirable and irresistible to an admiring male audience, they invariably succumb to the temptation. Similarly, forbidden sexual acts, are coveted for their tantalizing taboo societal characteristics, such as being restrained during sexual activities, such as anal penetration, multiple penetration, and other BDSM fetishes. While, the brain still resists these cravings, this hesitation is easily resolved by the BDSM dynamic with male dominance and female submissiveness. By submitting to a dominate male, with the illusion of forced compliance, all guilt associated with the activity is transferred to the dominant, and the pain/pleasure remains to be endured and enjoyed. This exoneration of the burden of guilt has be an intoxicating, and soul cleansing experience for females, allowing them a freedom of expression kept in check for centuries.

Pain/Pleasure/Power Dynamic:

Women generally identify with having greater pain tolerance than men, which is probably related to the pain management and mental fortitude required by childbirth, and of course, explains why we are all here and able to contemplate the concept of pleasure as the necessary counterbalance to pain, and the interplay of the two as the basis of this work.

In the Bible, Genesis : God to the woman He said, “I will greatly multiply Your pain in childbirth, In pain you will bring forth children; Yet your desire will be for your husband, And he will rule over you.”

The fact this pain is an associated consequence of sex with a man, while also providing immense pleasure, cannot be over emphasized. The afterglow associated with successful childbirth for the woman, and the man’s approval and adoration are powerful reinforcements to the mental and physical challenges of the ordeal.

Genesis : also introduces the third and perhaps more significant element of submission to the female/male equation, of power control.

BDSM is a delivery system for this pain/pleasure/power dynamic. That of the basic and ubiquitous societal deterrent to transgressions, the use of spanking/whipping of females for religious, or other social/procedural violations. This process can range from woman to woman clothed spankings, as in educational settings, to men to women bare bottom spankings. The more severe the procedure, the more erotic the reaction. Examples of this erotica have flooded into mainstream literature and imagery for hundreds of years. The law of unintended consequences has certainly manifested itself here, as young girls exposed to these concepts are more likely to be attracted to them than repelled by them as something to be avoided. Accordingly, spanking of the buttocks is the de-facto entry level BDSM activity, usually with the bare hand, a paddle or a belt. Spanking has become a socially acceptable catalyst for the pain/pleasure/power and is currently a prevalent and popular sexual activity between consenting adults. It is also a powerful precursor to more intense exploration and excitement. More intense variations include whipping, flogging, caning, and lashing, as well as attention to other parts of the body, such as the back, legs, breasts, nipples, & genitalia.

“Sex should be a perfect balance of pain and pleasure. Without this symmetry, sex becomes a routine rather than an indulgence.” And There is no more lively sensation than of pain; its impressions are certain and dependable, they never deceive as may those of pleasure, women perpetually feign and almost never experience.” Marquis de Sade

The power of control plays a big role in the sexual gratification equation. The sadomasochistic practice of sexual spanking is about more than just the brain converting feelings of physical pain into a rush of delightful dopamine. There’s also the psychological release of power. According to Psychology Today, “The essential component is not the pain or bondage itself, but rather the knowledge one person has complete control over the other, deciding what person will hear, do, taste, touch, smell, and feel.”

“It feels good to be totally in control, and sometimes it’s nice to be totally submissive. Power is a way to break free from the roles we’re trapped in during our everyday lives, and it can be a powerful release,” says Sandra LaMorgese, PhD.

There are many therapeutic aspects to the pain/pleasure/power dynamic. A submissive finds therapy, stress-relief, and a sense of calm through the relinquishment of their power. Giving someone total control over your body transfers your worries and psychological burdens onto the other person. “Still others describe the stress release as an escape from self-awareness and compulsive thinking and processing of emotions,” says Pitagora. She adds practitioners of spanking describe it as an opportunity to enter into a consensual, time-bound interaction with someone they trust and feel close to, where they are free to let go and stop thinking about other things for a bit. “When body chemistry changes in a rush of pleasure and adrenaline, and then comes back down to baseline and levels out, trajectory can result in a very calm and zen-like feeling.”

Anecdotal Example from internet post: “Why I Chose to Be Submissive” ://www.marieclaire.com/sex-love/advice/a7422/submissive-sex-confessions/

He arrived at my hotel and made me sit on my knees while he spanked me with his belt. Even though we have a safe word, I’ve never used it. In a D/s relationship, you need to trust another human being in ways are rarely explored. A Dom is intoxicated when someone is willing to trust him or her.. A sub is intoxicated by the surrender—and not because she is weak. A sub is willing to go to a place where many people do not, or cannot, go. The physical pain is just a small part of it. And surviving it, enduring it, is a feat. I know its weird, but I feel like if I can do that, I can do anything.

Conclusion:

The above attempts to place it in an historical perspective, and illustrates the point of view of the Author that female submission is primal, and through submission, women can gain a sense of peace and satisfaction, but more importantly a sense of empowerment.

Happy Trails.

1_smoothoperator

About the Author

Mature, experienced, intelligent and creative Daddy/Dom, with all the toys and techniques to take you as far as you dare to go and then over the edge. A Few of My Favorite Things… Breasts tightly tied, Blackberry cobbler, Nipple Clamps, Blue denim, Shaved pussy, Aged whiskey, Oakey Chardonnay, Pretty toes in high heels, Fire grilled pizza, Pink lipstick & nail polish, Whip marks on Smooth Tender Skin, Thigh High Nylons, Filet Mignon, Smooth Black Nylon Rope, Rough Hemp Rope, Fog, Rain, & Snow, Log Cabins, Submissive women helplessly bound, Film Noir, Sade, Roasted Chiles, Turning up the controls on my Sybian (Google it) and watching you squirm, Wood Burning Fireplaces, A Large Black Dildo secured to a pole, Cactus, Forced multiple orgasms, You panting for more…

Can someone learn to be kinky or are people born that way?

September 24, 2018 By Baadmaster 2 Comments

Much of what is written about this lifestyle concerns the underlying basis of Dominance and submission. Are they inherent or acquired characteristics? If they are acquired, how does one go about attaining them? Can anybody learn to be a Dominant or submissive or is it “in the genes?”

Most of my observations here are the result of interviews with lifestylers I personally know. Although I am not the Gallup Organization, I hope you will learn a little about your own Dominance or submission from my work. In this installment, I will concentrate on submission, with some additional observations on Dominance.

As to the big question, is submission a trait you are born with or one you acquire, I think it is a little of both. Most submissives I have questioned have stated that they identified a submissive need early on in their lives – long before they acted on it. Most did not recognize an overwhelming early need; I never heard, “Almost from birth, I knew my destiny was to be a slave.” That seems more like a quote from a BDSM romance novel. Although I am sure there are some who are “born slaves,” most subs and slaves (both male and female) seemed to have identified an “itch” and, sooner or later, decided to scratch it. Typical is the following quote from a 38 year-old female divorcee I know who now has a Master.

“Although I always had these submissive feelings…reading the “Marketplace Series” were a turn on to me…I read them behind my husband’s back…I also had feelings of guilt – that having these feelings, especially the need to be a sexual submissive and perhaps even bare pain, was somehow very immoral. In fact, I was even thinking of going to a shrink because I thought there was something wrong with me. Then, two things happened – really one thing that caused two things. I started spending time on the Internet and found that I was not alone. That made me feel a lot better. Misery loves company you might say! Also, the more time I spent on the Internet, the more my itch needed scratching. And, once I found an “online Dom,” – even though he turned out to be a total phony, a complete liar, married and not an experienced Dom as he claimed – I knew that I needed to be someone’s submissive. The Internet pulled this need out of me you might say. My marriage was on the rocks anyway; this experience gave me a new direction and told me that after the inevitable divorce, I would search for a Dominant. And, I did….”

This interview, although surely not representative of all subs, does point out some key facets of submission. It shows, in no uncertain terms, the way society treats submission as opposed to Dominance. (And the way society treats men as opposed to women, if you have been following the news lately.) Dominants, especially male ones, have their dominance encouraged by society. I cannot count the times, growing up, that I heard, “Be a man!” Contrast this to her quote about having feelings of guilt; nobody, pre-Internet, encouraged her to explore her submission. Thus, until the Internet, there was very little “nurture” floating around. That there still were subs back in the day argues for the fact that submission has a very strong “nature” component to it.

I believe that submission — like Dominance — is both nature and nurture. The major difference lies in the fact that society seems to look down on submission – both male and female – more than it does on Dominance. This widespread lack of “nurture” argues that submission must have a pretty strong “nature” component to be as strong as it is – both in the number of submissives and their willingness to explore these urges in the face of this resistance.

I might add that I am not sure how “society” looks at Dommes – although the Dommes I know don’t really care about how society views them; they are a pretty strong lot it appears. But there is more “Internet nurture” for Dommes than ever which, like the encouragement for subs, is a good thing.

In conclusion, it seems that neither nature nor nurture alone works; it is more a case of nature and nurture as opposed to nature or nurture. But the Internet has given many people the “nurture” they have lacked.

That said, we can all benefit by encouraging – or “nurturing” – our fellow lifestylers on their journey. After all, if we rely on society to encourage people to explore their kinky side, there won’t be many kinksters – at least publicly!

About the Author

After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.

Conscious Dominance

July 16, 2018 By Galen Fous 4 Comments

Defining and Living your Personal Code of Mature, Noble, Authentic, Responsible Dominance

For me, being a Conscious Dominant means to be clear about, and aware of the values, principles and protocols I have chosen to live by. It means having my words and actions be in alignment with these values.

Am I living what I preach?

And there can be many further nuances, depths and layers to consider and incorporate into your own personal style.

Ultimately, being a Conscious Dominant should only be defined in your own personal terms. Each individual should discover, develop and follow their own path, not one anyone else tells them to.

It’s important to remember that becoming a Conscious Dominant is a journey, not a destination.

Defining, renewing, living, and deepening your practice as a Conscious Dom, and being open to looking at what stands in the way, is a continual lifetime effort.

Whatever your path, if your intention aspires to nobility, you will surely be challenged by every unconscious part of you that does not show up so nobly or consciously at times in your life. This will require deep, self-reflection- also known as a “a hard look in the mirror”.

As a Dominant, if my intention is to aspire to leadership, responsibility, integrity or accountability, I have to be aware of, own, and examine all aspects of the ways and times I may not be in integrity, accountable, responsible, and/or exhibit qualities of a leader.

I will need to learn to address the underlying reasons why I am falling short of my stated intention. What is causing me to get off-track? Is there a pattern here?

Archetypally, the noble or “good” King/Queen can be a helpful model for Conscious Dominance. This archetype generally symbolizes a leader who blesses, protects, inspires, is wise, generous, makes clear agreements, holds boundaries cleanly, is in integrity, accountable, just, responsible, and numerous other qualities.

Every archetype will have polar shadow aspects. Theses shadow aspects represents the negative archetype. They are generally the antithesis of the primary archetype. They occur as two polar opposites of the primary archetype.

The archetypal shadows of the King/Queen or Dominant archetype are the weakling on one end of the scale and tyrant on the other.

We have all heard of Dominants whose innate power and authority deflates when challenged. They become a doormat and yield ground that is theirs to hold. In the other shadow direction, when the King/Queen’s energy becomes inflated, they can become a bully and become more harsh and/or strict than the situation calls for. It’s part of a Dominant’s work to strive for balance, and be aware when they drift towards being too soft or too hard in any situation. The King/Queen’s potent energy rests ideally in the noble balance between them.

As a Dominant, are you aware of these unconscious shadows of the Kink/Queen that you may possess, and how and when they may get triggered?

How well and clearly do you set and hold the boundaries or protocols you establish?

How do you respond if your submissive or others challenge your authenticity, competence, authority, or safety as a Dominant?

How readily can you own your mistakes and sincerely apologize if you have been out of integrity, unfair, or unjust?

How well do hold your own boundaries if you are being attacked or projected unfairly?

Here’s some further considerations.

Are you mindful and present in your body? Can you be vulnerable? Do you tell the truth in all cases? Honor and keep agreements?

How deeply are you taking in the submission being offered? Do you allow yourself to really feel the power of the exchange deep in your being?

Would a submissive be proud, trust, feel safe with, cared for, listened to, and honored to serve you?

Can you listen deeply without the need to interrupt?

Have you cultivated skills regarding intimacy and non-sexual touch to connect deeply with your submissive physically and emotionally? If not, how come? If so, how? Can you embrace your submissive in such a way that their body gratefully melts into your own?

Do you practice the art of blessing your submissive?

Can you honorably dance the edge between the noble dominant and cruel sadist?

Do you understand the sharp distinction between D/s and BDSM?

Consider these questions and add others that are meaningful to you. These can be used like touchstones to keep you connected to and deepen your intention.

Being a Conscious Dominant is a personal practice one can develop and continually aspire to. It is an ideal to continually journey towards, not a destination one will ever arrive at.

About Galen Fous MTP

Kink-Positive Therapist, Author, Educator & Sex Researcher

Galen regularly speaks at universities, grad schools and conferences about sexuality and Kink. He offers AASECT and APA approved CE classes for therapists on various accredited online educational platforms. His research focuses on understanding the unconscious psychological dynamics of Kink, Fetish and D/s-BDSM sexuality. Galen Has a Masters in Transpersonal Psychology from ITP.

He works with clients within a Transpersonal psychology framework that helps individuals and couples get honest, shame-free and confident in expressing their authentic sexuality. Galen helps clients shift from compulsive, dishonest, risky sexual behaviors to negotiated, consensual authentic sexual practices. This framework includes resolving the embedded fear, shame and judgments entangling one’s desire.

An important component of his research into the nature of Fetishsexual and Kink desire is the development of the Discover Your Personal Erotic Myth Survey. ( http://galenfous.com/pem ) This ground-breaking and ongoing research survey with over 4000 participants so far, is the first study that begins to document the mythic archetypal aspects of Fetishsexuality by mapping of the sexual unconscious.

Galen’s latest book, “Decoding Your Kink – Guide to Explore, Share and Enjoy Your Wildest Sexual Desires” has been praised by sexual psychologists and educators as “Visionary …Masterful …Groundbreaking …Cutting Edge…Worth its Weight in Diamonds … Highly Recommended…A Must Read!” He is also the author of “The Sharp Edge of Love – Extreme Sex, Mythic Passion, Primal Intensity. Learn more at http://galenfous.com

In 2000, he introduced the world renowned Tetruss Shibari Suspension-Bondage Rig, Portable Dungeon, and Sex Swing, the world’s most versatile adult toy. (http://Tetruss.com)

Submission Explained by a Male Submissive

June 25, 2018 By Woofer 3 Comments

Bound from Matt Rose on Vimeo.

Lets Grab Coffee: Part 2

June 4, 2018 By Paige Voxx 3 Comments

www.voxart9.com

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction, and we are in no way advocates of any kind of abuse, non-consensual behavior, crossing any hard limits, putting any one in harm’s way (physically/mentally/emotionally/spiritually), or violating one’s boundaries/what was pre-negotiated.

With this being said, enjoy the story!

For Part 1 Click Here

Stomping my feet through the coffee shop like an angry child, I move through the crowd with my head down, hauling soaked ass to the exit. I don’t even want to know how many eyes are on me as I leave. I don’t want to know who saw it- I don’t want to know anything. I can never come back here as long as I live. Ever again.

You’re still holding onto my hand as I’m pulling you behind me. The same hand that just made me cum in a corner. While I want to be angry and throw a tantrum, I can’t stop thinking about the way your calluses felt when they rubbed me from the inside. God, that was incredible.

I finally break through the clunky door, leaving my humiliation in that stuffy room behind me. The fresh air is everything I hoped it to be. The light breeze cools my skin when it hits my sweat. I let go of your hand, turn away from you, close my eyes, and take in the biggest breath I can fit inside of my lungs.

What can I even say right now? I’ll never be able to order an iced drink EVER again without thinking about my under the table orgasm.

My entire body is tingling with the afterglow of your indecent touch.

Embarrassed as I am, I have to admit- it was pretty fucking hot. The way that you maintained eye contact with me the entire time. How you slipped your fingers inside of me when I least expected it. How you commanded me to hush, when all I wanted to do was scream profanities.

“Fuck yes! Don’t stop! Oh shit! I’m cumming!”

I don’t think I’ve ever felt more sexually exhilarated. This is definitely not something I do every day. I mean, it’s something that I’ve dreamed of doing. Not even that- I didn’t even know it was a thing that could happen until it happened. And now that it happened, how will a plain ol’ finger fuck on the couch while watching a movie EVER live up to this?

It won’t.

This was priceless.

So why am I acting like such a brat? Pulling you through the store and turning away from you? Letting my embarrassment overcome me? Oh shit-

I am being very, very bad right now.

You are going to punish me for storming out of the coffee shop like a little girl mad at Daddy for not buying her an ice cream cone.

I’ve never been in trouble with you before.

The thought chills me. My nipples stiffen.

I stand for a few moments more, grounding myself, building the courage to look you in the eyes again.

I command myself to turn back around to face you. I’m wearing a look of shame. I’m so sorry, Sir.

You make me feel things I’ve never felt before.

You look unphased by everything that’s just happened- my obnoxious, obvious orgasm, my less than smooth exit from the store, the fact that I nearly ripped your arm out of its socket when I made my escape.

You’re standing there with your arms crossed, drinking the last few sips of your americano. You’re a beautiful looking man. You’re completely unreadable when you want to be.

“I’m sorry I’m behaving so poorly, Sir,” I mumble while staring down at my feet.

“Ah ah ah,” you say with a wag of your sticky cum covered finger. “Be a good girl and look up at me”.

Shit. You ARE mad. I AM in trouble.

I take in another deep breath as I lock eyes with you. “I’m sorry, Sir”.

I brush a few droplets of sweat away from my temple, feeling insecure and not knowing how to hold myself.

You drop your arms and take a slow step towards me. Another, and now another. I can feel the heat of your breath and smell your musk. When you’re right in front of me, you cup my chin in your hand, keeping stern eye contact, and quietly ask “Did you not like it? Did it not feel good? Did you not shake with complete satisfaction? Because from where I was just sitting, in that room full of bankers and soccer moms, with my fingers deep up inside of you, you seemed to have enjoyed it very, very, much”.

I let out a small moan. Even your words fuck me the right way.

With my face still balancing in the palm of your hand, you lean forward, give me a gentle kiss on the forehead, and then step back, beginning to walk away. You toss your empty cup in the trash as you go.

No! Wait! Where are you going? Don’t go! Please don’t go!

“I’m sorry, Sir! Please! Let me thank you properly,” I shout after you.

You’re just stepping off of the curb, heading towards where I assume your car is parked, when you hear my plea, and stop dead in your tracks. You pause for a moment, and without turning to face me, you ask, “How will my naughty girl repay me?”

My eyes widen. You’ve never called me your naughty girl. I’m your GOOD girl. I do as I’m told.

I stare at the back of your messy head of hair and the plain black T-shirt covering your broad shoulders that I so terribly want to claw up, before I shout “Let me please you! Right now. Wherever- however you want!” I glance nervously around, hoping nobody else hears me.

You slowly pivot on your feet. There’s a hard edge to your eyes. You begin walking my way. “Wherever I want?” you ask.

The familiar rush of heat that you often project upon me tickles my cheeks and snaps at my clit. My lips part and I gasp, “Yes. Anywhere”.

I reach forward and rest my hand on your chest. “Let me thank you,” I add, following with a daring, light kiss directly to your mouth.

Your smirk returns as you release the kiss that I’d rather keep holding. Your hand reaches up and now rests on top of mine on your chest. Your eyes are filled with an emotion that I can’t quite pinpoint.

Fuck. You are such a dangerous man.

Holding my hand still, you smoothly begin to ease my palm down the front of your body. Inch by inch you let me feel you, until- I’m there.

You let out a deep breath that sounds more like an “mmm” than an exhale, as I make contact with what I’ve been craving for weeks. Maybe you’ve been craving this too.

See, naughty girls can be good.

You bring up your free hand, and carefully move my hair behind my shoulder. You lean your impeccable mouth down to my ear, graze my skin with your moistened lips, and whisper, “Take me around to the back of the store. Find the filthiest place you can- and kneel”.

My legs threaten to give out, and I feel a gush of pleasure start slipping from between my thighs. You are going to be the death of me. The hottest, fucking, death of me.

“Yes, Sir.” I obey, entranced by the lingering feel of your lips on me.

“Good girl,” you reassure me, with a nudge to let me know that you mean now.

Another gush of pleasure.

I’m not sure who is going to enjoy this more-you or me.

I lead the way around to the back of the brick building. Your hand is resting on my ass again. It feels so good when you touch me. It feels good when you even LOOK at me.

There isn’t much privacy here, but I don’t think that you’re particularly concerned with being caught, seeing as how you just intentionally had your way with me in the middle of a latte convention.

The filthiest place, you say? Well- I guess I’m going to have you behind the dumpsters then, Sir.

I give you a glance over my shoulder, and lick my lips. The look on your face is reminding me that this is still a punishment. So, I drop the smile and continue my march of shame to the trash.

The moment we’re behind the dumpsters, you hold up your hand, signaling for me to stop. “On your knees,” you command.

I look around at our surroundings, then glance to to the ground. Gravel, and garbage, and what might even be shards of broken glass. You can’t mean right here, in this spot.

“But, it’s-“

“On your knees, NOW,” you repeat.

Fuck.

This is going to hurt.

The tone in your voice and the look in your eyes tell me that this is not optional. If I’m going to continue to be your good girl, this is necessary.

I take in a nervous breath. “Yes, Sir,” I whisper, looking you in the eyes as I lower one bare knee to the ground, and then the other.

I flinch as my skin collides with the sharpness beneath me. I can feel every single speck of dust between me and the hot concrete. I remind myself that I deserve this. I want this.

You take a step closer to me. I raise my head to look up at your face, and without a word, you begin undoing your belt.

The pain in my knees is increasing by the second. I’m severely exposed. Anyone could see us. But somehow, this form of torture makes me feel alive. When this is all over, I’m going to have the taste of you in my mouth for days, and the scars on my knees for a lifetime.

I waste no time gawking at what I find inside of your pants. I’m being denied that luxury as a consequence of my actions. I take you into my mouth, and simultaneously dig my fingernails into the skin of your exposed hips.

I hear you gasp, and feel your body jerk as you experience both relief and discomfort at the same time. I stare up and bat my eyelashes, as if to say “Oh, I’m sorry, Sir. I didn’t mean to”.

Your smile widens.

I obviously meant to. But I know you’ll play this game with me.

Your smile soon fades, and you let your head fall back. You’ve been waiting to feel my mouth on your cock. You’ve been needing it for months.

Your breathing is picking up, and you’re beginning to thrust in response to my anxious sucking.

Knowing that I’m the good girl pleasing you, here in this moment, excites me on a whole new level. I rapidly work my mouth up and down your shaft. There’s no time for teasing your tip with my tongue. This is a matter of urgency. I’m down here on my knees bleeding because I so desperately want to hear you groan as you fill up my throat with forgiveness.

Little groans start slipping out between your breaths as you get closer to accepting my apology. I glance up again, and the eye contact gives you a swift push. You release a grunt.

I begin moaning, vibrating your cock with my vocal chords, which gives you an extra slap of stimulation. I bring you in and spit you out, over and over again, sucking until my cheeks are sore and my throat is raw.

Forgive me. Forgive me. You have to.

You grab a fistful of my hair, steadying yourself as your groans turn to gasps. You’re so close I can literally taste it.

Forgive me! I’m a good girl! I’m YOUR good girl!

I’m choking on the intensity of your demands, tears pour down my cheeks. My mascara must be a mess and my lip tint long gone. I’m not sure I can take anymore.

I look up a final time- “Cum for me, Sir. Cum for me. Forgive me. Cum for me”.

This time, behind a dirty dumpster around back of the coffee shop that you finger fucked me in, it is you, Sir, who is obedient to me.

It is you now, who can’t hold in your profanities. It is you, who can’t hold your hips still. It is you, who cums for me.

Your hands grip onto the back of my head, and with a guttural growl, you give me everything you have.

My mouth fills, and as I choke down every last drop of you, you give me a nod that nearly makes me cum alongside you.

I am forgiven.

I take my time sliding off of you, savoring every lick. I’ve never tasted such salty sweetness. I don’t want it to end.

You stand above me observing my makeup-streaked face and red, swollen lips. I must look like I’ve been through hell. And in a way I have. However, this hell I would gladly choose over heaven.

When you’ve finished fastening your belt, you extend both hands down to me. You touch me with such gentleness now.

I accept your reach, and let you lift me off the ground, grimacing as I bend and straighten my battered knees.

You wrap your strong arms around me, bring my head to rest on your chest, and hold me. We stand for a few moments in silence as we settle.

A gust of wind picks up and brings with it the acrid scent of spoiled food and waste. Ah yes, reality- We are standing behind a dumpster.

“Come, good girl. Let’s get you cleaned up,” you say with a chuckle and a playful kiss to the cheek.

I take your hand in mine as our much anticipated rendezvous finds its demise. “Yes please, Sir,” I answer, unable to break my smile.

Oh, Sir, I don’t think either of us will ever drink our coffee quite the same again.

About the Author:

Paige is a 34 year old dreadlock mama, currently living in Virginia, exploring her deepest desires to be primally dominated. She has spent the last 12 years as a housewife, but has quietly fantasized long enough, and is now beginning her kinky journey to self realization and true pleasure. Paige writes erotica based off of a combination of personal fantasy and experience.

Fetlife: TangerineSpeedo

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