submission

Are You Vanilla Or Genuinely Submissive?

July 26, 2016 By Arcane 6 Comments

This article originally appeared on ArcaneAdvice.com.

A bright new submissive wrote me asking how could she tell if she was really submissive? The question seemed slightly moot at first, as the reason we were speaking was because I was a Dom and she was a submissive seeking knowledge. Nonetheless the question and our ensuing discussion quickly touched on a variety of key points that seem to describe in a mutually positive way the virtues of both Vanilla as well as the virtues of being Submissive. I would not pretend that our conversation covered every element to consider when asking oneself this question, however I enjoyed the conversation very much. I felt it showed that being Vanilla is not a negative thing at all, and in fact can be quite beautiful, while at the same time it reflected how embracing Submission – if that is what your soul is calling for – can share many of the same virtues the Vanilla path holds while at the same time glistening with a whole set of separate virtues unique to the path of Submission. It struck me as quite an egalitarian assessment and so I chose to present the essential points of the discussion here.

Enjoy.

Summarizing the “essential” difference between Vanilla and Submissive, I elected to look at seven key qualities:

CONNECTION
INTENSITY
DEPTH
VULNERABILITY
OPENNESS (Honesty)
BEING EXPOSED (as in the joy of being able to be so)
TRUST

To begin to see the difference between the Vanilla Path and the Submissive Path, we will examine each of these seven qualities from both the Vanilla and the Submissive perspectives. To say the very least, this list of seven key points is NOT the sum total of all there is to the difference between Vanilla and Submissive. Nonetheless, I chose these seven key points as reasonable markers of some of the concepts one might consider and contemplate in the pursuit of helping to discern which way the compass points in one’s own nature….

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CONNECTION

Vanilla – It is certainly true that a healthy Vanilla couple will seek and share a very strong Connection. That feeling of Being Connected to someone, as opposed to just conversing or having a one-night stand, is perhaps that titillating feeling everyone gets as they become genuinely fond of the other person and sense that same fondness being returned. Perhaps it arises as mutual likes are discovered, or one feels a similarity of temperament over time with another. It is possible this even leads to the experience of Love as the Connection grows and that fondness turns to genuine affection and caring. Certainly healthy Vanilla couples the world over feel a very strong sense of Romantic and even Soul Connection, and it often becomes a quality one desires when seeking a longer-term partner.

Submissive – In the D/s World, Connection contains all the above qualities, and yet it becomes nearly tangible, like something you can taste or touch, when it begins to contain the Connection between a well-tuned Dom and sub. Within the extreme focus that comes with D/s, comes a kind of Connection that can feel literally like an electrical circuit being completed, with the power flow streaming cyclically between the two – from Dom to sub as the Dominant exerts his best efforts upon the submissive, cycling back with the submissive’s inner beauty and flowering being a force of empowerment back into the Dom’s designs and choices. It is a one-way flow of power but a cycle of empowerment. It is not a “power exchange” as the misnomer calls it, yet it is most definitely a Power Flow, and it requires both the Dom and the sub to complete the circuit and have that electrical Connection truly flow.

The Relevant Questions r.e. CONNECTION:
Is the Romantic and Soul Connection enough for you? Or in addition do you seek that further Electric, Living, Empowering Force of the D/s Connection?

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INTENSITY

Vanilla – Vanilla couples who share Intensity usually are referring to an activity they share (thinking of intensity in a positive light, as opposed to the intensity of conflicting opinion in an argument – that is not the Intensity we speak of here). They may share an adrenalin rush from skydiving together or riding the roller-coasters at a theme park. They might share the Intense Joy of taking a great, traveling adventure together. They might share the intensity of a night of mad, passionate love-making where both come alive in their most animalistic way. However, in the day-to-day life of a Vanilla Couple, Intensity is not usually a quality that is sought, but rather there is much more of a tendency to opt for Peace, Calmness, Steadiness, and Equilibrium.

Submissive – A submissive “in role” certainly knows the feeling of their breath being taken away when their Dom asks for any kind of D/s activity that gladly reminds the submissive of the fact that they share D/s. For example, that moment in the shopping mall when the Dom whispers into the ear of the submissive, “stand at attention.” The submissive intuitively knows that taking a predetermined posture is harmless and most likely unnoticed by others around them, yet at the same time she gets to enjoy the Rush, the Buzz of even the tiniest level of “naughtiness”…. of the microscopic moment of Discipline that is happening…. of the fact that in the space of merely a few second she has been transported out of the mundane and into the clear space of D/s. A moment later the posture is relaxed and the two go on about their business, but the excitement, the added Intensity of KNOWING that at any time the Power and Embrace of D/s can arise, remains alive in their minds. In a 24/7 for example, that is a background Intensity that never fades. For the Dom and sub however, this does not even remotely take into account the extremely overt Intensity of any kind of BDSM scene, which unlike their Vanilla counterparts is an activity shared by the D/s couple. Perhaps the main difference is that a D/s Couple can share that Intensity at any time night or day, with an act as simple as the Dom choosing to give his submissive a quick, sweet spanking. This is as opposed to the Vanilla couple with whom it is more a matter of leaving their home (with the exception of hot sex) to share a similar Intensity.

The Relevant Question r.e. INTENSITY:
Are you satisfied with sharing fewer moments of Intensity with your partner on special occasions and in bed, or do you want to be in a relationship where Intensity is a more pervading and continuing element that you can share with greater randomness in regards to the where and when, and particularly express in moments of BDSM activity?

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DEPTH

Vanilla – It would be absurd to suggest that Vanillas are incapable of profound levels of Depth in their relationships – of course they are! Most of Shakespeare’s love stories, the great works of inspired artists throughout time, and endless tales of Love so deep that it shakes the foundations of the gods themselves are peppered throughout human history in the tales of Vanilla Couples. Books on the Spirituality of Vanilla Couples, including the Kama Sutra itself, emphasize again and again that ANY Couple – Vanilla, D/s, or otherwise – can attain immaculate Depth in their relationship if the two are aligned to connect in such a way.

Submissive – The submissive and the D/s Couple share those same opportunities for Depth that the Vanilla Couples can attain, with the added condition that the roles of Dominant and submissive can in themselves become so Deep as to become Spiritual, like a living breathing work of Art, “Life As Art” if you will. Now that said, there is a caveat – in D/s the Dom and the sub can become too entrenched in the “roles” of “Dominant” and “submissive” such that these roles that normally can be experienced with incredible intensity, become instead a sort of misleading, 2-Dimensional “pseudo-depth” ensuing from too much adherence to the “role” while losing sight of that beautiful, all-encompassing, human Depth that is the birthright of every couple. This is one reason why I strongly emphasize that the Dom and the sub must never lose sight of the fact that they are two living, loving human beings no matter what. To have Depth between a Dom and a sub who also share a deep love of their roles yet prize their connection as two loving beings first and foremost is truly the Double Win.

The Relevant Questions r.e. DEPTH:
Do you seek a pure and poetic love which will encompass you in your calm human nature, and nothing more? Or in addition, do you also seek immersion into the expansion and flowering of your own submissive soul vis-a-vis your Dom’s devotion into expressing his Dominance alongside your submission, both at your very, very best?

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VULNERABILITY

Vanilla – In the Vanilla world, that moment when you realize you are vulnerable to your partner can be both scary and also very relieving, as you suddenly understand you have found someone with whom you can “take off your mask,” lower your guard, and perhaps even be yourself in a way that you feel you must otherwise defend or hide in your daily life. It is a sense of trust that you extend, hoping with unspecified terms that the one to whom you have made yourself Vulnerable will protect and respect whatever fragility you have let them see. If that feeling of Vulnerability makes you feel loved and respected in return, if you feel protected and safe in your Vulnerability, then that will certainly bring a Vanilla Couple closer together.

Submissive – Likewise a submissive can share that same feeling of Vanilla Vulnerability, and yet with the submissive it can and will go so much deeper. The submissive’s gesture to their Dom of giving themselves to the Dom to be nurtured, shaped, taught and trained…. to release into the realm of BDSM where the Dom will use a variety of toys upon the submissive…. to allow the Dom to bind or restrain the submissive…. all these will make the submissive feel incredibly Vulnerable. That these same activities EXCITE the submissive, that this level of Vulnerability translates into Blissful Surrender and Personal Ecstasy for the submissive, are the straight-forward distinctions that separate Vanilla Vulnerability from Submissive Vulnerability. Indeed it is a profound difference.

The Relevant Question r.e. VULNERABILITY:
Does the happy idea of allowing yourself to be Vulnerable to your partner extend only as far as that personal level of taking off your mask and being beautifully accepted for who you are as an evolving human being?
Or do you get Excited at the idea of taking your Vulnerability to a much greater magnitude that entails being Vulnerable not only emotionally as described above, but also quite literally physically and mentally as well with your beloved Dominant, a man you truly Trust?

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OPENNESS (Honesty)

Vanilla – It is always a beautiful exchange when a Vanilla Couple can be truly Open and Honest with each other. Building ANY relationship on a foundation of Openness and Honesty will always produce a quality exchange between the two. It will build Respect. It will build Trust. Most of the time this Openness will arise in the form of small moments or events from the Vanilla person’s life which they feel can be related to their partner even though there might be a quality of dubiousness about the moment or event. It is that knowledge that with your intimate partner that you can still share the information and know they will still love you and respect you that makes Openness with a Vanilla partner a joy to share.

Submissive – In the world of D/s the exposure of the Soul can go extremely deep. A Dominant might feel they need to KNOW what is going on inside their submissive, and might make inquiries aimed at revealing a perspective inside the mind and heart of their beloved submissive. Equally, the submissive might have a whole maelstrom of feelings whirling away inside herself, and depend upon the knowledge that she can come to her Dom to help her sort out these feelings. In addition to all that “being Open” means to the daily lives of a Vanilla Couple, in a D/s Couple being Open can be a road into the Deep Psychology of the submissive, given that the Dominant is peaceful enough and centered enough themselves to take on that very serious Responsibility. At the least, the submissive is someone who seeks to be able to come to one whom they trust far above anyone else, their Dom, and share not only dubious moments or events, but also the deepest inner workings of her soul. In an ideal D/s Relationship this equates to a Dom who is capable of handling such depth and clearly seeing the love in his submissive’s trust, and a Dom who can embrace the Openness of his submissive and give her back Calm and Positive Understanding to the best of his ability.
In finely-tuned D/s the Dominant in turn will also require the ability to be completely Open with his submissive so that he can express his designs and needs in a loving atmosphere of receptivity. Though the Dominant holds the power of command, for the submissive to hold powerful respect and trust for her Dom such that she can cleanly receive his input with the mechanism of positive feedback going in both directions (given adherence and appreciation of D/s Etiquette, e.g. keeping the communication High Quality), is foundational to creating the D/s Dance in its highest form.
One cannot overlook the more common quality of plain and simple COMMUNICATION SKILLS as well. In D/s, Openness also equates to being able to TALK about ANY activity that the two engage in, be it a BDSM scene, the Training of the submissive, and / or any other exploration of the D/s Lifestyle or Activities (again given the appropriate decorum of said communication at a given time). D/s Couples ABSOLUTELY WILL push the envelope father than their Vanilla counterparts, and as such Openness and Communication must be held as truly esteemed guiding principles.

The Relevant Questions r.e. OPENNESS:
Do you seek a partner with whom you can safely confide any aspect of yourself and find acceptance with them and that’s enough? Or do you furthermore seek to expose your Deepest Inner Workings to a Dom you look up to, who can accept whatever comes up and continue to guide you along in your submissive journey? Are you satisfied if your Openness leads to an appreciation of Honesty and builds Trust and stops there, or should it additionally become an Active Force of Communication that elicits Great Spoken Detail when addressing activities that will literally Push The Envelope of your very existence?

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BEING EXPOSED

Vanilla – In the world of Vanilla Couples, far too often allowing oneself to be Exposed to one’s partner is a slow-coming quality that often takes great time and familiarity to attain. People commonly have all manner of hidden aspects of themselves that they fear will shock or drive away a partner if these qualities were known. Amongst these qualities are such things as an overly sensitive nature, aggressive thoughts, or deviant sexual fantasies. Carl Jung the famous psychologist called these the Shadow Self, the parts one generally keeps hidden and / or suppressed out of fear of being judged. In Vanilla Couples the degree to which one allows oneself to be Exposed fills the entire range from “you will never see or know these parts of me” to “please accept all my oddities.” There is no common amount of Exposure that can be ascribed to a Vanilla Couple – it really comes down to what the individual feels can be safely expressed, or what they feel had best be kept hidden away for fear of being judged.

Submissive – This is one area in which a submissive can let go and release in ways Vanilla’s are not commonly capable of doing. Within a D/s Couple, the Dom has the Living Opportunity to Expose his own Shadow Self via the various scenes, toys, and mutually acceptable activities that the Dom and sub will share. Likewise, the submissive is given the clear and open opportunity to express her own Shadow Self, her submissive soul, her “darkest” fantasies, her need for surrender, her need for someone else – one man – to take control, and much more, all vis-a-vis what the Dom expresses. Suddenly the “hidden matter” of the Shadow Self becomes veritable Food For Mutual Pleasure between the flowing exchange of the Dom and sub who are well-tuned and able to appreciate the kinks and quirks of these previously hidden elements. The submissive can allow herself to be Exposed in a light of genuine acceptance because the two are relaxed and capable of feeling safe with their own Shadow Selves being in the open with each other. The very nature of the Dom’s Shadow Self – often controlling, sexually aggressive, playfully deviant, and perhaps mischievously insidious – finds Safe Harbor when juxtaposed with a submissive who’s Shadow Self is perhaps deeply desiring of sexual submission, enlightened deviance, needing to be controlled, guided, molded, and shaped, and hoping to be with one with whom she can relax in the insidious machinations of her Dom’s playful (but nonetheless loving and safe) “dark genius.”

The Relevant Questions r.e. BEING EXPOSED:
Is the exposure of your Shadow Self and your hidden thoughts really not all that important to you or only a passing thought now and then?
Or do you seek to be able to Expose your most hidden, deviant thoughts to your partner? Is part of what you desire to expose a quality within yourself that craves for another to take control and guide you? Do you deeply desire to be with one who not only accepts your Shadow Self and submissive deviance, but who in fact Revels in it?

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TRUST

Vanilla – Trust can never be underestimated. It is perhaps one of the Holy Grails of ANY healthy relationship, Vanilla, D/s, or otherwise. To the Vanilla Couple, Trust means being able to Depend on your partner, to know they are there for you when the going gets tough, to know they do not lie to you nor distort the truth, to know they “have your back.” These are all absolutely honorable qualities to desire and seek in a Vanilla partner. Trust in ANY form is a beautiful thing. A Vanilla Couple will gain Trust for each other as they get to know each other, expose parts of themselves, make themselves a bit vulnerable here and there, and build that Trust over time.

Submissive – In the world of D/s, Trust still contains all the literal needs of Vanilla Trust, but it dives below into a far deeper level where it becomes a Living Thing Manifest. It goes beyond mere concepts and knowledge, and becomes a truly Tangible Experience. When the submissive is bound she Trusts her Dom to take her on a journey of the flesh – be it with BDSM toys or merely sexual – that will land her safe and healthy back where she started, though perhaps with a little more self-knowledge and a clear smile on her face. When the submissive kneels before her Dom while he Trains her, she Trusts that whatever Pathway he holds in mind for her evolution under his hand will be honorable and have her best interests in mind long-term. Likewise, via the Fidelity of finely tuned communication between the Dom and sub, the Dom learns to Trust the responses and messages from his submissive – during a scene, during Training, and during their daily life – such that he can continue to push himself to be at his very best with his submissive while secure in his own knowledge that he is proceeding along mutually acceptable lines from a profoundly deep connection. Trust within D/s is not merely a philosophical concept nor merely a happy experience of the heart — it is a Very Literal Experience that your partner is someone with whom you can put your life in their hands. A D/s Couple will often start by extending a modicum of Trust to the other to effectively “get started,” and through a series of successful scenes, delicious activities and inspired Training, as the smiles come and both eventually find that deep satisfaction they were seeking with each other – their D/s complement – where Trust will climb up the gradient until a Deeply Profound level of Trust is mutually attained and warmly embraced by both.

The Relevant Questions r.e. TRUST:
How DEEP do you want your experience of Trust to be? Will you be satisfied having mild to medium Trust in your heart for your partner? Perhaps even a sense of deep trust in your heart? Or do you need MORE – do you need the Living Experience of those moments when Trust is so In-Your-Face that their is plainly and simply no denying it, when you can almost taste it, feel it, and hold it in your hands?

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I hope that by examining these Seven Points that you, dear reader, are able to answer the question in yourself, “is my desire for submission genuine?”

Whether you find that you are more suited to the Vanilla Path or whether you find that only the Path of Submission will satisfy your soul, I wish you the very best in your journey.

You can contact Arcane through The Crow Academy and read more advice and writings here. Follow Arcane @CrowAcademy as well as on Facebook. His new book Igniting the Fire is available now on Amazon.

Orgasm Control: A New Perspective

June 27, 2016 By Baadmaster 1 Comment

Although there are many non-sexual practitioners of BDSM play, there are also those who use our lifestyle as a kind of “orgasm magnifier.” From the new legion of Femme Dommes whose specialties include refined “tease and denial” techniques to those Dominants who train their submissives to “cum on command,” the aim is still the same – to make cumming ultra-pleasurable through orgasm control.

Of course, “orgasm control” play is very wide ranging. It spans from semi-vanilla to extreme “chastity” play. No matter where your play lies in this continuum, if one controls or denies orgasm for any period of time, the resulting orgasm is, for most, more intense In the next few “New Perspective” installments, we will study an array of orgasm control systems.

This week, let’s examine the legendary “cumming on command” – which is incredibly exciting if you can achieve it. The theory of “cumming on command” is based on conventional behavior conditioning theory. Basically, the object is to link a key word, phrase or physical signal with the onset of orgasm.

Some submissives seem to have the innate potential to orgasm through a Dominant’s command. But this part of the brain is hard to access. If it were, the number of Dom/mes on cell phones calling their submissives and ordering them to cum would be staggering! The most common method to tap into this center is by the slow and careful building of trust, confidence and respect. Once trust is established, then the training can begin.

The following is one way (obviously there are many others) to train your submissive to cum on command. (I offer, however, no guarantee that these methods will work – but I do guarantee that you will have fun trying!)

A. Start by training the sub to ask permission to cum when he/she is about to orgasm during sex. “Master/Mistress, may I cum?” should always be asked. At this stage, orgasm should never be denied; the object here is to link a specific verbal phrase with orgasm. Your “permission” or “ordering” must always be the same phrase. “Master/Mistress commands you to cum” or some variant is the most effective. But whatever it is, it must be exactly the same, every time you “order” your sub to cum.

B. The next part of the training is to deny release — “No, you may not ” — while continuing the sexual stimulation of your submissive. You should then order release within fifteen to thirty seconds of this initial denial. Then gradually increase this interval. Eventually you should get up to a couple of minutes between denial and permission before proceeding to the next step.

C. This time when you deny permission to cum, take your hand or vibrator away. Wait a few seconds, then resume stimulation simultaneous with commanding him/her to cum. It is important that you train him/her to cum immediately on command/resumption of stimulation. Gradually increase the time between removing your hand and ordering him/her to cum. When this interval reaches five minutes or more you are ready to move on.

D. This is the big step. The GIANT step. The big enchilada! When she is about to cum and asks permission, deny it and take your hand or vibrator away – just like in the previous step. Wait a number of seconds — then order her to cum but do not touch him/her. If he/she cums on this command, without any stimulation, you have hit the jackpot! Repeat this over time while gradually increasing the interval. Eventually the interval can be made as long as you want it — thus he/she can literally cum on command.

E. You can now attempt the legendary high Yaqui Dom/me feat – commanding him/her to cum before being physically stimulated! (Hint — I think it best you put the sub into a sexy mood.) Many Dom/mes have keywords or phrases they use before a sex session. Use of a keyword or phrase can get him/her out of “vanilla space” and make the sub more receptive to your commands to cum. But even with the sub thinking sexy thoughts, this is still one astounding feat. Like levitation.

Remember, cumming on command without any physicality whatsoever is something of an urban BDSM legend. What has been presented here is a good system for, at the very least, teaching a sub to cum on command after being sexually aroused. If you have another system that work for you, please email us here at kinkweekly.com. There’s always room for another great orgasm!

By BaadMaster
After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.

Conclusion of Showtime’s Submission, Episodes 5 & 6

June 20, 2016 By Zoey Trope 1 Comment

Submission goes full on erotic thriller and sets us up for a possible season 2.

A real life submissive reviews the final two episodes of Showtime’s Submission.

After 6 episodes of Submission, I’ve pretty much exceeded my lifetime quota for soft porn. The show was hyped as a series that dared to go where 50 Shades of Grey didn’t. But where is that exactly?

The first two episodes piqued our interest, giving us the vanilla-turned-kink take on BDSM discovery. The next two episodes provided an exhilarating look into a D/s courtship complete with spanking assignments and orgasm denial. And the series wraps with a full on erotic thriller. I’ll admit, each layer does make the show more entertaining and it would be interesting to see the stories unfold in a format that isn’t premium cable. Luckily if you need more of a taste, Jacky St. James has two films that dive into more sensual BDSM that I highly recommend.

The penultimate episode of Submission takes us on a tour of Elliot, the Dom-equin’s dungeon. He and his new submissive finally discuss limits and safewords, and you can hear a collective sigh of relief from the entire kink community. Cactus is her safeword. I think it’s adorable when people pick their own safewords in lieu of the more technical color-coded red, yellow, green. The safeword discussion foreshadows what’s to come in the finale, but before that happens we see an exquisite scene with a Violet Wand… something on every sensualist’s wishlist. It sizzles and zaps, creating sensations unlike anything. It’s more erotic than painful and highly visual which makes it so beautiful to watch.

We see them take the sensations further with a mummification scene where he wraps his submissive in saran wrap (or marked up bondage wrap), depriving her of any movement. The ultimate device to restrain someone head to toe. I never thought I’d be into mummification but I could almost feel the cling of the plastic on my skin and the erotic exhale when he finally exposed her tits. This was worth watching a few times.

As the storylines wrap up, we finally get an explanation as to why Dylan is such a nut case. She’s hired as a cock-cierge who recruits women for him and has access to video evidence of Elliot lying to women about his identity. None of this makes sense but it continues to escalate as we find out the true intentions of the Dom-equin. I’m already bored by the plot device and am not invested enough in these characters to care about their betrayals. By the final scene of the series, they want us to wonder who is the real Nolan Keates, but really we’re just wondering why can’t there be more BDSM scenes?

Subby observations
-It’s cute that the show brings up polyamory out of nowhere, although entering into a triad relationship with your employer is never a wise choice.
-On being loaned out: One of the best feelings as a submissive is making your Dominant so proud of you that he wants to parade you, share you, and loan you out. It’s such an amazing exercise in trust and power. Being a submissive is like being a toy. And toys absolutely love being played with.

Zoey Trope is an LA-based kinkster and writer perving on the internet since AOL chat room days and has been drifting down the rabbit hole since. You can find more personal stories about sex, love, and BDSM here. Follow Zoey on Twitter for her most intimate current thoughts.

Review of Showtime’s Submission, Episodes 3 & 4

June 13, 2016 By Zoey Trope 2 Comments

Showtime’s Submission steals our panties and melts our submissive hearts. A real-life submissive reviews Episode 3 and Episode 4 of Submission which airs Thursdays on Showtime.

We are halfway through the series and thus far, we’ve only had an amuse-bouche of BDSM. Now we kick off “Smut” (Episode 3) with a scene in progress involving blindfolds, restraints, floggers, nipple clamps, and the inimitable Wartenberg wheel. Those exciting ingredients make for a well-rounded session in which a variety of sensations can be experienced. The close-up shots are extremely erotic and voyeuristic. Most sensual play can tantalize for several hours without penetration. When you’re bound and blindfolded, your concept of time is warped. Light touches are fleeting, hard impacts sting and drag on. And then there’s the unbearable emptiness when you’re untouched and unaware of what’s to come. Unfortunately, the scene falls flat when it quickly devolves into a sex scene.

Let’s take a moment to discuss this mannequin of a Dom (Dom-equin?). Elliot who goes by Nolan Keates. He’s the 50 shades of spray tan version of Christian Grey. He becomes enamored by Vanilla Ashley and steals her panties. That’s pretty insane, not to mention, desperate. Sure, you’ve all heard stories (mine especially) of Doms being presented panties as a symbol of submission. This is so not the case.

In an ambitiously titled fourth episode, “Master” shows the redemption of Elliot the Dom-equin, . This is the episode to melt your submissive hearts because it’s BDSM Seduction 101. After meeting Ashley and obsessing over her stolen panties, he showers his hopeful submissive with a gift, a manuscript of his novel. Something that only he could give her that attaches something tangible to an abstract feeling. It’s brilliant, really. He challenges her, “If you think my books excite you, imagine what the real thing could be.” and we know how taunting can send you into a tailspin. He plants that idea in her head and orders her not to cum until he says so. There’s no follow-through of course, so we have to assume she followed his instructions.

The courtship continues and I get serious heart eyes when he tests her obedience with her first task. Every submissive remembers his/her first task. I can almost hear the words echoing from my own adored Dom. She passes, but when she neglects to answer her phone, he disciplines her with 5 spanks. She completes with the help of her friend but confesses that she actually got spanked a total of 10 times. Logically, she must be punished. The banter was quite endearing. He warns her of how easy it is for him to deny her his attention. That fear looms and we see an example of what he means when he is with his other submissive, Dylan who is pining for his attention. When she pouts, he reads her mind, “You wished you hated me.” While my submissive heart melts for the courtship, this scene breaks my heart. Being neglected and deprived while reminded that even if a Dominant were to release you, you’ll always love him… LIke I said, heartbreaking.

The power exchange that occurs within a D/s relationship only exists because the submissive gives up control and entrusts it to the Dominant. It’s a gift. I remember handing my panties to my Dom, hearing and seeing how he carried them with him while I was under his consideration, and how it felt to finally be collared. This is unlike any courtship, which makes it special for any submissive to see this portrayed on a show like this.

Subby Observations:
● As a cuckquean (one who gets off on one’s partner fucking someone else, more specifically fetishizing infidelity), I enjoyed the hell out of the scene where Vanilla Ashley is on the phone with her ex-boyfriend while he’s faux-humping a much hotter and I’m assuming, better in the sack, new conquest. Good for him. And good for the girl he’s fucking who is obviously getting off on knowing his ex is on the other line. I tip my whore fedora (whor-dora?) to her.
● I love that Not-so-Vanilla-anymore Ashley counts out her spanks. When you’re getting a real hard spanking, counting is impossibly difficult.
● Here’s a move that I think all bratty submissives should learn. Doms, look away! Ultimate brat move is handcuffing your Dom and hiding the key inside your pussy. I had to watch this scene several times with a sinister grin. If only I could get away with it…

Top Ten Submissive Desires

March 21, 2016 By Baadmaster 3 Comments

Once again we wander into the province of a Cosmo style article.

Cosmo style notwithstanding, I think this article is an important – and fun — read for Dom/mes of all levels. After all, one should have a rough idea what most sub’s want before you attempt to close the deal – whether it is for a one-nighter or a more permanent arrangement.

For this article, I have interviewed a group of subs, both male and female, at Los Angeles’s famed private dungeon, Lair DeSade. This compilation will concentrate on personal aspects; in a subsequent piece I will annotate the most popular play needs.

This list is in order of the popularity of the answers. None were mentioned by everyone except one – “honesty.” Yet, “honesty” does not appear on this list. Why? Because I considered it too obvious an answer. It is like the “no children” hard limit – everyone agrees on it. Thus, I felt it did not shed enough light on the subject. Another popular answer, “pushing limits,” is omitted because I felt it belonged in the “play” list.

By the way, this list is great for both Dominants and submissives alike. So, without further adieu, the envelope please!

1. I want a Dom/me who listens. Many subs are reticent about expressing their needs. Thus, they would like a Dom/me who listens carefully when they do express themselves. There is nothing worse than having to repeat yourself – especially for a submissive. When you have to “hint” again and again, it can border on “topping.” A Dom/me who is a good listener, and takes what the submissive says into consideration before making decisions, gets a big plus in any sub’s book. No matter what you think of “Fifty Shades,” Christian was a good listener.

2. I want a Dom/me who doesn’t listen. Say what? Didn’t BaadMaster say just the opposite one paragraph ago? Not really. What I am stating here is that a submissive doesn’t want a Dom/me who does everything he/she wants. After all, the Top would then become the bottom! The submissive regularly needs to know that the Dom/me can and will do things that please only the Dom/me – for whatever reason. How often is open to debate; it will surely depend on the relationship. But there is no doubt that a submissive craves those times when the Dominant is just that – Dominant!

3. I want a Dom/me who laughs. This was also a surprisingly universal wish. The stereotypical stern Master who rules with an iron fist seems acceptable for a session. But, as a lifestyle Dominant, most submissives rejected this out of hand. Taking this lifestyle too seriously – and making laughter a forbidden activity – seemed a prospect most submissives reject. Maybe Carrot Top as his/her Dom (although his name has “Top” in it!) is not a submissive’s dream; but then neither is someone who eats nails for breakfast – and never smiles. (Would you, if you ate nails?)

4. I want a Dom/me who follows through. Since the Top is in control, he/she should not disappoint the submissive by promising something and then not delivering. A Dom/me who actually makes the effort to follow through gets high marks from every submissive I have talked to.

5. Gimme a break. Of those who were in an actual D/s relationship, most listed the need for regular breaks from serving as a prime need. This one caught me off guard; I never expected this answer. But it seems that all subs need time off from being a submissive on a recurring basis. I cannot speculate exactly why this need seems so ubiquitous among those in LTR liaisons, but it seems that all Dom/mes should take this surprising desire into consideration.

6. Consistency. When it comes to Dominance, consistency seems to be an attribute that is absolutely essential. A minor infraction on Wednesday should not become a major infraction on Friday. The submissive must know what is and what is not expected by her Master/Mistress – especially if there is a “slave contract.” If this changes at the drop of a hat, all is pretty much lost. Consistency in all other matters is also a critical need. If the Dom/me praises the submissive for something – and then criticizes him/her for the same thing another time – the sub will be driven crazy. Respect can go out the window on this one.

7. Unpredictability. I don’t write ‘em, I just report ‘em! At first glance, this desire seems at odds with the previous one, “consistency.” But, upon closer analysis, the two are actually complementary. On one hand, the Top must bring a degree of consistency to his/her training methods; on the other hand, he/she must introduce the element of surprise to keep the relationship from becoming boring. This is a semi-vanilla concept, one that you would read about in, duh, Cosmo. Nevertheless, it works here.

8. I want to be appreciated. Again, this was a pretty universal desire. Almost every submissive wanted to feel appreciated for the effort he/she makes. And make no mistake about it, being a good submissive – although it should fun – also entails work. And if this is taken for granted – or worse, denigrated – the submissive will not be a happy camper.

9. I want to feel unique. I guess everyone wants to feel special. And submissives are no exception. Personalized rituals, play that is designed specifically for the sub and a feeling that the Dom/me is not using a “one size fits all” cookie-cutter approach are essential needs of most bottoms. After all, who wants a McDom/me?

10. I want a Dom/me with a good reputation. This desire was mentioned only by those subs who were into public play. Everyone in this “subgroup” (pun intended!) wanted a Dom/me who was held in high esteem in the BDSM community. Although this was the specific desire of the smallest number of subs (thus it is listed last), I would advise all Dominants to guard their reputations, because you never know when it will come into play.

These ten seem to be the most important desires of those submissives interviewed. Of course, one size does not fit all. But, I think this list gives you a good overview of what most submissives really want!

By Baadmaster
After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.

anniebear in charge

March 15, 2016 By Redd Dyver Leave a Comment

Photographer: ReddDyver Models: anniebear and Theresa

The tables have turned. anniebear has taken command of Theresa. You know, they always say the good girls gone bad are the naughtiest of them all.

Sploshing Around

February 15, 2016 By Jonathan Saunders 3 Comments

Photographer: Jonathan Saunders Model: anniebear

Sploshing; a kink that involves covering one’s subject with food. Apparently it’s all the rage in the UK. I encountered my first sploshing scene with this latest shoot. There is something erotic and positively humiliating about this type of play. I felt dirty and unattractive covered in sticky sweet cream and chocolate. I can only imagine what it would feel like to experience a more severe scene. These photos show the grotesque-a direct view down my throat for example or a “Carrie-esque” quality of the chocolate sauce dripping from me like blood. I hope you enjoy them as much as I enjoyed sitting for the photos.

Erotica: The Examination Part Two

February 15, 2016 By Phi 4 Comments

Part One

Kara squealed as the angle of his fingers changed with his movement.

“Oh! That was a lovely response! Make her do it again!” It was Angela, who had been very focused on alternating between tormenting Jake and Kara’s nipples and sticking her fingers in their mouths intermittently.

Oliver attempted to elicit the response again, but was unable to duplicate it. “Oh, let me try,” said the Asian woman who had been stroking Jake’s cock. She turned toward Kara and used the fingers of one hand to spread her pussy lips apart again, while inserting three and curling her fingers upward.

Kara moaned. Angela smiled. “Her eyes are watering. It makes them seem more blue, doesn’t it?”

The dark-haired woman walked over to Kara. “Kara, do you remember how to end this?” Kara nodded silently. “Kara, do you want to end this?” Kara bit her bottom lip and looked into the woman’s eyes and shook her head.

Satisfied, the dark-haired woman stepped back again.

Kara looked up into the mirror at herself and saw the scene before her. Angela had smeared her lipstick, and with alternating pinching and sucking had make her nipples stiff and pointed and a little bit more red than their usual pink. Oliver, who had lifted his fat fingers to his nose after pulling them out of her cut was now rubbing them on her lips and bidding her to open her mouth and stick out her tongue. Martin was lubing up a medium sided dildo and preparing to stick it in her ass, and the Asian woman was now tickling her G-spot with her quick, probing fingers.

She felt it coming and tried to fight it. Angela noticed. “Oh, it looks like someone is enjoying herself,” she smirked.

Kara was powerless to control it at this point and the wave of energy burst through her body as she started shaking and crying out in unexpected pleasure. Oliver held her down by the shoulders and her ankles pressed hard against the restraints.

Jake watched the whole thing in the mirror to distract himself from the small plug Mira was working into his ass. His cock was throbbing, but with the Asian woman no longer stroking it, he could feel the dull ache in his balls without struggling to keep from climaxing.

He did not want to be enjoying this. It wasn’t that he wanted to hate it – he just didn’t like the growing knowledge that he was enjoying this humiliation. He tried to convince himself that it was watching Kara come that sent shivers of pleasure into his extremities, but he knew it wasn’t just that. It was the thought that he might be next.

He physically shook his head to expunge the thought from it. No. It was the money. He needed the money. He could endure this torture for another …what, half hour? He could do that for 10K.

“Hand me another large dildo from the drawer, Oliver?” The Asian woman had pulled her fingers out of Kara’s pussy and was now rubbing her swollen clit in circles. “I want to see what this one’s orgasm will be like if I add clitoral stimulation to the penetration.”

Martin pulled a sizable piece from the cart and handed it over to the Asian woman, who covered it with Kara’s self-made lubricant.

Jake groaned as the butt plug was removed and he graduated to the larger size. He could have sworn he heard giggling, but the sound of Kara’s second orgasm drowned out everything.

He watched in the mirror as the Asian woman removed the dildo from Kara’s pussy and moved her way between the two tables up to the space between their two heads. She turned toward Jake. “Open wide.”

Jake furrowed his brows and glared at the woman. No, not this. Anything but this. He turned his face away, and found himself looking directly at the dark-haired woman, who did not look amused.

Ten thousand dollars. he thought.

He turned back toward the Asian woman, defeated, and parted his lips.

The taste of her filled his mouth, and was thrust back and forth across his tongue, hitting the back of his throat. His eyes watered, and though they were open, he was no longer registering any sights or sounds – just the feeling of having his mouth violated, and the shame of knowing he could have stopped it at any time.

*Ten thousand dollars,” he thought as he sputtered and coughed.

“We’re ready for that one now,” Mira called out from between his legs.

The assault on his mouth stopped, and Jake enjoyed only moments of relief before he realized what was about to happen.

“Fuck.” he muttered.

“What’s that, Jake?” The dark-haired woman lifted her hand and the examination team paused.

Jake looked into his own reflection. He could stop this now. He could say the word, get up, get $500 and walk away from here and never speak of this.

He looked over at Kara, who had already endured twice what he had. She looked calm. A little high, even, as though she’d smoked a bowl and was now just chilling while strangers poked and prodded at her.

If she could enjoy it, if she could get through it – then why couldn’t he?

He looked back into his own reflection. His cock was thick and erect, his balls aching, his face covered in drool and sweat and another person’s come – and there were now two women between his legs about to shove a dildo the size of his own cock into his ass.

He thought about the women he’d fucked that way before.

“Do it.” he responded.

He didn’t want to enjoy it. He didn’t want to want it.

But he did.

Oliver and Martin, having negotiated who was getting which hole, were now preparing to fuck Kara while Angela, having hiked up her skirt was now climbing up onto the examination table to straddle Kara’s blissed out face.

He felt something warm and wet on his cock. A tongue. A mouth.

The Asian woman, having worked the large dildo into his ass with Mira, had now taken over thrusting duties and was energetically plunging in and out of his ass. Mira, a round woman with green eyes and auburn hair was now taking his thickness into her own mouth.

Jake watched her head bobbing up and down on his cock and felt the orgasm building. He no longer had sense of how much time had passed. He could hear Kara’s muffled moans in chorus with the sounds of Angela’s gleeful laughter, and the two men grunting and panting as they maneuvered in and out of Kara’s lower body.

The urge was overwhelming him and he started to panic. How much time was left? He couldn’t have come this far to forfeit everything!

He turned his head toward the corner of the room where the dark-haired woman stood, arms folded over her chest, eyes locked on him.

With tears pouring from his eyes, he mouthed the word. She raised an eyebrow and maintained her gaze.

“Please,” he said out loud. “Please, I can’t…”

She looked at her wristwatch, sighed and looked back at him.

She nodded her head slightly, and Jake’s mind and body exploded in release as he involuntarily reached forward and thrust Mira’s head down on his cock.

After what seemed like minutes, but was probably only seconds, he relaxed his grip over Mira’s head and exhaled with a loud moan as the phallus was removed from his ass.

Mira and the Asian woman stood up, thanked the dark-haired woman and disposed of their latex gloves as they exited the room.

Meanwhile, the chorus of orgasms from the foursome at the other table had begun to die down as, in turn, each of the three examiners finished sating their needs, and exited the room without a word.

The dark haired woman shut the door behind them and dimmed the lights. She unstrapped Kara first, then Jake, and covered each of them with thick blankets from the cabinets.

Moving up to stand between them, she reached a gentle hand over to each of them and caressed their foreheads, lightly running her fingers through their hair.

Kara was sniffling, but strong. Jake was still in shock.

“You’ve both done tremendously well. You may stay in here as long as you like. I will be here until you’re ready to leave. Your cashier’s checks will be waiting for you in the lobby.

They lay there for several minutes under the soft blankets, in the dim light with the dark haired woman offering warmth and comfort.

It was still bright outside when Kara and Jake walked out of the building, showered, dressed, and each $10,000 richer.

“So, that happened.” Kara offered.

“Yeah. That it did.” Jake responded.

“I’m Kara.”

“Jake.”

“Nice to meet you.”

“Yeah, you too.”

There was a moment of silence. Then Jake spoke up.

“Kara?”

“Yeah?”

“You want to go get some dinner?”

“Yeah, that sounds good.”

(And they lived happily ever after.)

Erotic fiction writer. Phi (pronounced “fee”) came into kink at early age and renewed her connection with the lifestyle in 2014 after a decade-long hiatus. A somewhat popular and undeniably avid blogger on fetlife.com under the name phi-is-me, she lives in the suburb of a suburb in southern California with two cats and six pillows.

The Collar: Part Two

February 8, 2016 By Baadmaster 1 Comment

Our first article covered both the history and the current traditions with respect to collaring.

This article is meant primarily for newbie submissives who have yet to be collared. (As a newbie, you should also read “Predator Dommes” here on Kink Weekly.) Once warned about the pitfalls of being a submissive in the cold, cruel world out there, this article is meant to help you find a legitimate lifestyle Dominant to partner up with and be collared by.

After interviewing a number of subs for this article, I have selected what I feel are the six most instructive comments. Although I offer my interpretation of their ideas, the basis of this piece comes from the submissives themselves. After all, the best way to understand submission – and Dominance too — is to listen to submissives!

“When you are unowned and uncollared, you are a free agent. And, until you select a Master or Dom/me, you can make any decisions you feel are in your own best interest.” Many newbies assume that they must please any Dominant who shows interest in them from the jump. While you might feel submissive to a given Dom/me, until you are collared you are under no obligation to act in a submissive manner. If you want to play, fine. But you are under no obligation to be submissive in any manner contrary to how you feel at that point in time. A wise Dominant will not expect instant submission – unless the submissive is struck by “the thunderbolt” and voluntarily offers it. This leads to the next quote, which is…

“I am a submissive, just not your submissive…yet.” Until you decide to submit, even tentatively, to a Dominant, you are not his/her submissive. Yes, a Dominant might ask for you to address him/her as Sir or Ma’am. You can do this out of respect, if you wish. I personally see no harm in this, especially if you feel there is some potential. But this does not imply that you are his/her submissive. And if the Dominant bullies you, and pushes you past your comfort zone, make your feelings clear. This is not “topping from the bottom.” After all, you are not yet collared!

“No one will drum you out of the lifestyle for making decisions that affect your own life. If you piss off some prospective Dominants, they are probably not worth considering anyway.” If you find that a prospective Dom/me is annoyed by your independent ways, then he/she does not respect the fact that you are still uncollared. Until that day comes – and it can come quickly or over a long period of time – then you should not worry what he/she thinks about your right to make your own decisions. Obviously, once you are collared, pleasing the Dominant becomes an important aspect of your relationship. But until then, you are the captain of your ship. And that includes accepting – or rejecting – any potential Dominant.

“Many submissives are ruined by inexperienced Masters/Mistresses into whose hands they put their psyches.” Being owned or collared can be very intense. Thus, one should truly know and trust, the person you are submitting to. I do, however, disagree with the quote; it is not only inexpert Dom/mes who can cause psychic harm. Knowledgeable Doms can hurt a sub; newbie Doms can be awesome. I think it is more about the person than the experience level. No matter what, you should know the Dom/me in a deep way before you put your psyche into his or her hands.

“Don’t be afraid to use vanilla criteria.” Funny, this piece of advice came from my own slave! What she meant is that certain vanilla criteria – such as sense of humor, style, commonality of interest – can be just as important as play criteria. Ideally, you want both – lifestyle and vanilla. The world, though, is rarely ideal. Still, you want a Dom/me that you actually like – and enjoy spending time with. And not just BDSM time!

“Follow your heart.” At least three submissives said something similar to this. What they meant, it seems, is that you must go at the pace you wish, obey only those you want to obey and — until you are owned – go with your gut instincts. If you feel, deep inside, that the Dominant you meet is “the one,” go for it. But, if your heart says “maybe,” go slow. And if your heart says “no,” don’t be bullied into serving a Dominant just because he/she is Dominant!

Finding a Dominant can be a daunting task – as is finding a slave! But, I think these six observations can be helpful in your quest.

Something wicked…

February 8, 2016 By Redd Dyver Leave a Comment

Photographer: ReddDyver Models: Travis and Theresa

His possession of her was swift. She fought very little because in fact, she wanted it. She wanted to be owned and toyed with. Who was this wicked man-or would creature or being be a more fitting name? His power was intoxicating, consuming. She could not wait for more.

submission

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