submission

The Collar: Part One

February 1, 2016 By Baadmaster 2 Comments

Part I of this article is an overview of the traditional collaring practices in the BDSM lifestyle.

Part II will be addressed to newbie subs who are uncollared.

Part III will be BaadMaster’s “Seven Levels of Collaring” – a unique and modern take on how to integrate old guard traditions with new era needs.

PART I – THE COLLAR

One of the most enduring traditions in the world of BDSM is that of the “formal — or slave — collar.” It is the spiritual descendent of the old Roman slave collar, the one that was welded shut around the slave’s neck. (I am Spartacus!) Although there were many variations on this theme over the years, collaring one’s slave was codified by the legendary Old Guard Leather Societies years ago. The Old Guard custom (rapidly disappearing in our short attention span world) called for a series of three distinct collars, all of different materials – the “Collar of Consideration,” the “Training Collar” and, ultimately, the “Slave Collar.”

The Old Guard Leather Societies treated the last of these collars – the “formal or slave collar” — as similar in both spirit and commitment to a vanilla marriage. (As this predated gay marriages, and the Leathermen were primarily gay, it fulfilled a very practical need in this community.) And although it lacked the enforcement of law, “collared couples” were respected in the leather community in the same way as married couples were respected in the vanilla world.

One of the big criticisms of “Fifty Shades” (there I go again!) is that, in the movie, Christian proposed a slave contract and did not even mention collaring. Surely, at the very least, a “collar of consideration” would have been proposed simultaneously to the slave contract. Kink Weekly is here to correct this oversight. Obviously, in our fast paced world, most couples skip the first two stages and proceed to the formal slave collar. (Honestly, I did too!) But for historical correctness, let’s discuss the three stages of collaring as set down by the Leather Societies. (If Kink Weekly doesn’t honor traditions, who will?)

The first collar in this series is called the ‘Collar of Consideration’ which is given at the start of a potential relationship. Although usually made of leather, it is like an engagement ring — if at any time the relationship is unsatisfactory to either side, the collar is returned to the Dominant with no further obligations on either party’s part.
The ‘Training Collar’ is the second stage. Again, this collar will be one that the Dominant chooses; it is usually made of base metal and is a bit more elegant than the consideration collar. It represents a “graduation” of sorts; with the presentation of the Training Collar, the Dominant will move into areas of training and discipline which are much more demanding, severe and strict.

If this second stage works out, then it is time for the actual collaring with the ‘Slave Collar.’ This is the actual collar – it is this stage that is generally assumed when someone says they are “collared.” This represents true commitment between the Dominant and his submissive. In the tradition of the old guard, this collar is to be treated with the same respect that marriage is treated in the vanilla world. Indeed, it is rather common to have simultaneous collaring and wedding ceremonies.

Of the three collars, typically the slave collar is made of gold or silver and can be quite beautiful. The design can be unique to satisfy the Dominant’s taste; most times – as it usually worn 24/7 – it can be locked or even welded for permanence. With the recent popularity of BDSM, the variety of collars is impressive and the ideal collar is relatively easy to find – especially those that can pass in the vanilla world. (Note: the collar should always be purchased by the Dominant and always remains His/Her’s property. It is returned to the Dominant at the end of the relationship – no matter when the relationship ends.)

As it is the analogue of the vanilla marriage, this collaring is often done at a party/celebration, in front of invited guests, with vows exchanged or a slave contract signed. Depending on the nature of the relationship, there can be permanent markings done — such as tattoos, piercings, brandings, cuttings etc. The markings can be done in a scene – and if the couple happens to enjoy public scening, this is an awesome sight to behold. Other traditions can come into play here – the presentation of a gift made by the submissive (typically a flogger) to the Dominant is one European ritual that comes to mind.

Make no mistake about it, this old guard, traditional collaring ceremony is intended – unless otherwise negotiated – to signify a lifelong partnership. If you are invited to one, think of it as you would a wedding. Arrive with an attitude of wanting to have fun but keep a proper respect and decorum.

By BaadMaster
After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.

anniebear Interviews Submissann

January 18, 2016 By anniebear 1 Comment

anniebear: It looks like you have your hands in a bunch of different groups and projects. You’re obviously very active within the community, specifically with the pony and critter play. And you also have written a few books on the subject as well. Could you elaborate on what the main focus of your time is right now?

Submissann: Well, everyone has to make a living, so when I’m not doing that – my hobby is pony play. I really really enjoy it. Since my living is being a professional submissive, I sort of look at that as this book called The Marketplace. There’re several books actually by Laura Antoniou on The Marketplace.

Yes I’m familiar!

The characters get two year contracts and they get money for that, put it in the bank and their contracts have limits. It’s all written up. So, I look at being a professional submissive as a short term market place slave where my contracts are one hour, two hours, sometimes I get four days or a week but very short term compared to two years. Then there’s compensation for that, compensation for my time. I am very fortunate in that every day of my life I get to do certain or different aspects of BDSM because I have different partners that I play with, different partners that buy my time, that give me these short term contracts. Each of them has different interests. One may like electrical or enema play or wax or foot worship. Whatever it is, it’s like I get a wide variety of BDSM play in my life because I have so many wonderful partners that I play with just as my job.

That’s great!

Yea it is. So then if you’re going to have a hobby, it’s probably going to be something a little bit different. I found that just personally, I really really enjoy pony play. I enjoy training ponies and I enjoy being a pony. I first approached pony play from the side of being a pony.

Could you briefly talk about pony play as a kink?

Pony play is any time someone emulates a horse. So, a lot of people of all ages do this just for fun. And that’s really the whole essence of it. It can be anything and it’s what I enjoy about it. It’s when you’re pretending to be a horse, just like when you’re a child playing, it’s a very care free space. You’re not worried about your bills, you’re not worried about your relationships, you’re just playing and having a good time. And in a sense, play refreshes and revives your spirit. It feeds it, makes a special part of you alive. That needs to be fed too. I mean yes, as an adult you need to be responsible but if you don’t play, if you don’t allot some time –I mean you’re supposed to eat and work and exercise but you need play too.

Do you feel in this aspect of play that you can reach subspace* as well as regular more mainstream BDSM play?

Absolutely. There’re different ways that people do pony play. And there isn’t any right or wrong, there’re just different ways that people do it. So Ann Rice has a book on The Training of Beauty and the pony play that she describes in that is more of a slave being forced to be a horse. And they don’t go into what we call pony headspace. But they may fall into subspace, just like a when submissive so into serving they may get a head rush from serving and the adrenaline and the type of play that you may engage in when you’re being forced to be a horse could be such-like you could be whipped or tied down as a forced pony play. That’s just one. Being a slave forced to be a horse, just like a slave collared to a Master, there’s still a power exchange, it still can be a loving and wonderful relationship. So, it can fall into that. But then there’s also people that they have what you might call an inner pony that seems to come out, there seems to be this space we call it pony headspace, and its like almost a dream state. Like being awake and dreaming at the same time. And you have this horse personality. You have this pony personality that comes out while you do that. So that is a different way of playing. And I know people that when they do their pony play and they pretend to be a horse and then they fall into this pony headspace and they seem to fall so hard that they actually don’t remember when they come out of it.

You have to be really careful with them, you have to guide them slowly. The handler has to be very mindful of the pony. I’ve talked to them and what its like for them they very much when they’re a pony, they react like a horse, they have behaviors that are very horse like. They don’t speak, they move like a horse, they neigh like a horse, all the sounds of a horse. When they’re a horse they’re a horse!

I imagine it’s a pretty interesting experience to watch as a spectator.

Yes, absolutely, it’s just amazing. For people that go really hard into that headspace, some of them don’t even remember. When I’m Beauty, that’s my pony name I was given by my trainer Rebecca Wilcox and Rebecca wrote the book The Human Pony. She wrote it while she was training me, I was her pony and I’m in the book. (laughs) I also wrote my own book Pony Play with Submissann. And when I go into pony headspace I do remember bits and pieces of it, I don’t think I remember all of it but I do have a recollection of it. It’s almost like remembering a dream for me. It has an altered quality to it and in fact I went to Burning Man to participate in The Pony Express. And we would get up at five am and I would make breakfast and coffee for my friend, who when she becomes a pony her name is Tindala, and Tindala and I would then transform into our pony selves and we’d get all fixed up and there would be mailboxes around Burning Man that people dropped notes into and then they were collected at the end of the day and sorted out and we would get it and the person that was driving the cart would have the letters and we would deliver them to the people. So I would go off and spend my morning in Burning Man as Beauty and I would remember going to the different camps and communities.

Beauty had a place, I never found it as a human, for Beauty there was “bacon and socks”. There was a huge bowl of socks (I guess what I can determine about that I think that the camp bartered socks). People go there and don’t bring enough socks-people don’t bring money, they barter there, so, there was a huge bowl of socks to exchange. And every morning they would have a great big fry pan of bacon and evidently Beauty just loved bacon. The world stopped for bacon for Beauty. So there would be different places I would go as a pony and then I would come back and I would rest as me, as Ann. Then for the rest of the day I would experience Burning Man. Sometimes I would try and figure out where I had been. Like I said, it was like following a dream because how Beauty sees things and I how I see things is a little different.

That is extremely fascinating. It’s like a dual personality going on.

That’s the closest scientifically that I’ve ever compared the two. Because I tried to figure out where I had been and even investigating-I can tell you the things that I do as Beauty but its like recalling a dream.

Some people do it just because its fun and they like the wardrobe. There are different aspects. Pony play is like this huge umbrella-that’s the other thing I like about it, it includes bondage. The gear and tack you wear because horses – their gear and tack is to control them and communicate with them. There is a lot of people that go to pony play and they do it just for the bondage. They do it just in their own room, they get on all of this gear and tack because they like the way that it is heavy bindings and even putting on horse heads that encompass your whole head in leather, that’s quite heady and sends you off in a different space. There’re many things that can happen in pony play and for other people they like to actually do the games that horses do, you can also do veterinary play you can get a vet check.

That’s pretty funny, how cool.

You can also instead of being a leather pony, you can be a rubber pony, there are people that really like latex, the constrictiveness-like when you put on the catsuits and corsets, it’s like being in a pressurized suit, there is compression. I really love pony play because it made me a much better submissive. Instead of having a conversation, you know someone gives you a command and then you have a conversation about it and then maybe you do it maybe you don’t. When you’re a pony you get a command, you can’t talk and you get rewarded for just obeying, especially when you’re doing something like dressage which is like pony ballet. You (as a Pony) are given those commands and you have to interpret them really fast and do them really fast. So, that’s skill, that getting a command and just doing it – fast, without hesitation.

I remember one time dong a session where the person I was playing with had a stun gun. Usually, it’s used to intimidate you but he had it on and said, “I want you to take this and just stun yourself,” and I just took it and zapped it on my thigh and jumped four feet (laughs) afterwards he was like “listen, that was amazing” and he says “why didn’t you hit your butt?” and I said “well, I was sitting down so the biggest muscle I had was my thigh.” And I just did it, without hesitation without thinking. A command and then, you just do it. There’s a certain headiness in playing that way.

What type of groups and events are there for people that might be interested in this?

There might be local groups- in 2009 I started the Los Angeles Pony and Critter Club because I wanted to have other ponies to play with and the nice thing about having a group is that you can do Fox Hunts and Derby’s and you can do things that take not only more than one or two people but a group of people in order to do them; so, people might find in their area a pony or critter group or some kind of animal role play group. There are also dedicated pony play events. I produce the Equus International Pony Play Event. That’s a full weekend of Cart games and English games and western games. It’s just like if you go to a western day with equine horses where you have barrel racing and pole bending, we have all of those games that we do and we judge and get ribbons and its just like that. You can find social groups to play with. Down in the south there’re now Ponies on the Delta. In February, in Las Vegas there’s a Dog and Pony Show as part of the event – Sin in the City. Thunder in the Mountains in Colorado – they have a great big track in the dungeon to do your pony stuff on. Camp Crucible out east, they have a Pony track, classes, different games, a Pony Show, it’s a ten day camping event.

I was actually looking into Camp Crucible too. Are you planning on going?

Not only am I planning on going to Camp Crucible in May, it’s over the Memorial Day weekend time, I’m actually going to be teaching a class. They have classes on pony play, they have activities to do with the ponies, they have a pony show. Last year, we did their first fox hunt. They have other things to offer, it is a giant event, like a Tea and cocktail parties centered around focus groups, a Rope track, venders….

It looks like a well rounded event.

It is. It’s so much fun and I highly recommend the clit washer.

The what?!

The clit washer. You can Google the clit washer and the guy that has made it-its this great big device on this little trailer and he comes through the camp and you must experience the clit washer. It’s not a complete experience of Camp Crucible without it.

Thanks for the recommendation!

You’re very welcome. Take your friend with you because you may be a little wobbly. It’s hard walking afterwards. They do have a lounge.

The Los Angeles Pony and Critter Club, we have a very active group with not only myself planning events-we have two Fox Hunts, Cart & Sled Trot & Romps, and a Derby Day; we also have a lot of puppies and Pepper Pup organized an event for them. We just had a Puppy Palooza. It was a puppy and critter event. “Every dog has their day.” Up in San Francisco there’s Stampede and in Atlanta there’s a pony group, ARC. In Florida, there’s a lot of pony play and they have a great event there as part of Beyond Leather. It’s called International Pony Play Championships.

How cool is that? Well it sounds like you maybe prefer the pony play over the submission would you say or the pro-subbing?

Well it’s like with anyone and their hobby. If your hobby is running your electrical trains, you do your job and then you run home and do your hobby. Now, I love my job. I learn so much from it, I learn from the people I play with, it is really really rewarding. I’ve even had people that I am the guide for them to go from having a vanilla life because they know that they can call someone and buy a submissive or buy someone to do their BDSM play with, but then if they really like it and their life is accepting for more (for some people only do that – buying a safe partner-it is as far as they go because of the job they have or they’re in a relationship), if you’re someone who in you’re life you can do more – I’m always open. I tell people what the local clubs are that they can go to, that they can go to take classes. I can be a bridge for people and its very rewarding to see people that eight years ago they were my client and now there they are with their submissive and they’re in the community and they’re experiencing more of BDSM fully.

That could be extremely rewarding to see I’m sure.

Yes, it is, it’s very rewarding, and for me, I think that if you are a bridge and you go to your job as a positive thing and try to leave the person you see in a better space not matter what that is, it just makes it better. I love my job. If I could just remember all of my shoes when I leave. I’m terrible! (laughs) I get a little spacey afterwards so it’s really hard to clean up everything. Sometimes I have to go back and get my shoes. I have submissive shoes-I guess as Dorothy had her ruby red slippers, I have submissive shoes.

Well I guess if the shoes are the only thing you leave behind you’re not doing too bad!

Yea I think so!

Going briefly back to the pony play, are there any safety hazards or dangers that people should be aware of before engaging in pony play?

Well there are things that could happen. I think that your activity can be limited depending upon your physical abilities. There are certain, you know science and laws of physics things-if you’re pulling a cart and you’re running really hard you shouldn’t try and stop on a dime because the weight of the cart can push you down on your knees. Its important that you play with and learn from people that have this knowledge so that they can take care of you.

It sounds like it’s like with any BDSM activity, it is best to learn from someone who has some experience rather than just trying to go for it. Studying up on it a bit.

Absolutely. I mean when I was beginning out, I would go to a club and I would sit and I would watch people playing with other people and I would watch how they interacted and how they played and not just whether they flogged really well but also how they interacted afterwards. Did they just walk away or did they take care of them, make sure that they had water. Its sort of like if you go out to eat with someone you’re dating, one of my rules about dating is if I go out to eat and the person I’m with treats the waitress really nice and leaves her a tip, is gracious and respectful, this is a good find, as opposed to a person who dogs the waitress, is disrespectful turns the salt shaker upside down, you know! It’s the same!

When you’re beginning as a submissive and you’re looking for a play partner you want someone who not only has skill experience but has people experience. The same with pony play. I sought it out. At the time, 2005/6, I learned Stampede was the only group I could find people that did this. And I went to their munch and that was where I met Rebecca. I talked with her and she said that she would meet with me and train me as her pony. And just like dating, when you’re meeting a new person (just like regular life), it’s the same thing. When you’re learning something new, you don’t sell everything you have and move to Antarctica. You should take things slow, step by step because that’s the natural progression of things. When I look at life I think it is a natural progression of life to “Be, Do, Have”. You be a pony and do the things that ponies do and then you get all of the equipment. You gather things rather than going and buying all of this stuff and then doing it and then being a pony. It’s the opposite way. Got it?

That makes total sense. I think people go in full bore with all their stuff and they don’t necessarily know how to use it.

Right. I think the more natural progression-you can be a pony, you don’t have to have all of this real expensive exotic stuff. The other thing that’s dangerous-the bits, you can use a regular horse bit. There’s something called Sealtex- it’s a latex bandage and you actually get it at the tack store because even bio horses, they wrap those metal bits in this sort of spongy bandage latex stuff and the horse can chomp on it and not break their teeth. Horses actually have a space in their teeth it falls into, we don’t have those as humans. You need to be careful of your teeth if you’re going to put a bit in there.

You can actually make everything out of rope. I’ve been with my granddaughter; it was her idea, it wasn’t my idea. My granddaughter and came to me one day and said “Grandma be my pony” and she had her rope and put it in my mouth and she got on back of me and wanted me to be her pony.

I’m assuming she was a child that was play acting?

Yes, a wonderful child (laughs) but that’s a very natural thing, it’s a very child like thing to do, it’s a natural play activity. And so, I pretended to be her pony and when I was tired she called her brother. She said “You can be my pony now.” She has all the makings of being a terrific trainer.

And from the other side if what you enjoy is training animals, animal role play can be very very rewarding in all the aspects of it: in grooming your pet, in taking care of your pet in training your pet, and just all of the fashion. I love equestrian fashion. It does everything for me. There’re many levels to it

So you mentioned you first got into pony play by going to that munch. Is that the very first thing you ever did in the lifestyle or were you a submissive before that?

I was a submissive before that. I came into BDSM because like most people, you are drawn to BDSM. There’s something that you like. Nobody told you it was kinky, it was just something that you like. When I was a kid we had lots of TV programs. I loved Superman because you have the beta man, Jimmy Olsen, and Louis Lane that always got tied up and then Superman rescued them. Or we had Dale Evans who got tied up on the Roy Rogers show or Penny on Sky King got tied up. So, we had as a child and as a TV program watcher, this sort of role model and we would go out and play and recreate that. And I found as a child that not only did I like the person who would capture me and tie me up and tease me, I liked that person just as much as I liked the person who rescued me. And nobody told you as a child that that’s kinky -you just know that you like it. When I got older in order to keep my relationships exciting for me, I would call up my boyfriend and I would say “I’m at this bar and I’m going to be here, maybe these guys will try and pick up on me and you have to come in here and pretend that you don’t know me and you have to win me over just like anyone else here.”

So, I would set up this role play and it was like setting up a situation where instead of being with someone with the same old same old, I was setting up a role play where they had to figure out how to slay the dragon and win the princess and it made it fun and then you went home and you would have hot sex like the first time. These things-nobody told me this was kinky. These were just things that I liked. And so there came a time in my life, it was after I was divorced that I met someone who wanted to explore more of this and I never saw any magazines. I never saw any videos. I didn’t understand it all – what they wanted – but I decided to trust him and just do it. So, it was just this one on one thing and it was great.

There was that person that I learned to play with and then we broke up and I was heart broken. Not so much about leaving and not being with him because that relationship-we didn’t quite mesh very well. I was heart broken that I thought they were the only one in the world that I ever thought I was going to be able to do that stuff with. I’d never find someone else like that and I’d have to go back to having regular sex with no handcuffs and without that play.

That’s like a death sentence.

Yea, it was like a death sentence, I cried and cried. You know, thank god, I was a single mom and I had to buck up and raise my kids and go on. Two years later I was on a date and the person took me to a Goth club in LA. In the late 90’s you could go to a Goth club and they would have a flog, paddle and tickle parlor where someone would come in and they would –oh my gosh I remember the first time I was there. The Red Sea divided and this handsome man with flowing red hair came waltzing through with his Bag of Bad and went up to the stage and flung open the curtain and there was a St. Andrews cross. I didn’t know the name of it then but that’s what it was. And there was a line and the women that went up there and they got spanked and they were flogged. And that was how I found the community. In Los Angeles there is a club called Bar Sinister and on Saturdays you can go there, the play is up in the loft. For a lot of people that is their entrance to BDSM. Maybe that’s as far as they want to go. Other people can go from that and the people there will tell them there’re private clubs like Sanctuary and Lair de Sade and the Bordello of Decadence. So you can pursue it more and you can find even more serious players. We have a great event in April now called Leather Heat that slave Bren produces. It has the who’s who of leather presenters presenting. All kinds of BDSM and kink and you can register and take classes and then they have dungeon time in the evening. I’m doing a class on pony play. There’s lots that you can do. That was how I found the community. And it was by chance.

All of that sounds really wonderful and I know it’s probably been quite a journey for you with all of your experiences.

Yes, how I got into pony play was Ken Marcus, a fantastic world renowned photographer. He had a whole history of doing photography of pony play and of pony girls and he hadn’t done it for a while and he gave me an assignment and he said he wanted to shoot it again and I had to put together my outfit. I would have this great photo shoot and I’d get to be photographed by Ken Marcus and get to be a pony girl, how different would that be. And so it was, actually-it took like six months. I had to go trying to figure out on the internet and there was this magazine called Equus Eroticus and I contacted the producer of that, Paul Reed, and that was how I was able to get some of the tack and there was this whole learning process of just putting together the outfit. And in doing that research and finding out what a pony girl needed, what tack and things I needed to have to look like a pony girl it became very apparent that being a pony girl wasn’t just a model wearing stuff, that there was more dimension to it, that there was something very –something that called to me that spoke to me and that’s what lead me to driving the miles from LA to
San Francisco to Stampede. That was what started my journey. So we can point to Ken Marcus and Paul Reed and we can blame them. They’re responsible. (laughs)

We can thank them! Send out a big thank you!

Isn’t it great when you’re wandering through life and you have people that make this incredible difference to you and change your life.

Yes, it’s awesome and the community is really really great and we’re really lucky to be in LA where it’s big and strong here.

It’s true. We are. There are still people out in the boondocks that are ponies. You know what’s nice about being in nowhere in Nebraska is that people drive 200 miles to go to the one bar and everybody is at that bar. The trainers, the puppies, the ponies, the leather people, the kink people, the rubber people, they all get along and they’re all there. And sometimes its so nice when you’re travelling and you go to a place like that because in LA we have so many people that we’ve all divided up.

Yes its very fragmented

Yes, you go one place for your rubber and another place for your leather and another for just kink, you know. So we’re very blessed, we have a lot of activity here. A lot of things stewing. I don’t think there’s hardly any night that you couldn’t go find something.

Submissann is a professional submissive based in Los Angeles. You can find out more information and contact her here. Her book Pony Play with subMissAnn is available here.

Baadmaster’s Guide to Public Play: Part Three

January 11, 2016 By Baadmaster 1 Comment

In order to live up the title of “Complete Guide,” let’s conclude this series with a collection of tips to make your public play a success. Of course, if you are an advanced player, these tips might seem obvious. Then again, you can use them as a check list to see that you have not forgotten any of them.

• Plan your scene. When you see musicians jam, they usually have their sets planned out. It is not totally free form. Same with public play – especially if it is your first time. You should not just wing it. Have a good idea of what equipment you will be using, what your scene will consist of and the general arc of the play. It need not be a note-for-note plan, but you should not leave a lot to chance – especially if it is your first scene.

• Agree on a safe word. This has been mentioned so many times, even in Fifty Shades for crying out loud, you probably want to punch the computer screen. Don’t. This is rather important and worth repeating. Make sure you not only have a safe word, but also have a safe signal.

• If you are performing rope bondage, watch out for cramping. The sub might not safeword on it, but it can be very painful – and not in a good way. Check in with the sub every once in a while with respect to this issue.

• If you are a hard or heavy player who is new to this particular group or dungeon, introduce yourself – and your submissive – to the host and/or the Dungeon Monitor (DM) and explain what you will be doing in your scene. That way, the DM will know what to expect, know that it is fully consensual, that you are in control and will not step in and stop your scene.

• If you wish to do something super-edgy and dangerous – like flesh hook suspension – you MUST discuss it with the host way before the actual party. (Again, this seems obvious, especially as equipment must be brought in.) This also applies to fire play and knife play.

• Although pain is not a requirement for a successful scene – rope bondage, caging or mummification can all be pain-free – remember what is heavy pain to one submissive can be light pain to another. One pain size does not fit all. The key word here is “communicate.”

• If you only want to watch, fine. Being a voyeur is perfectly acceptable at a play party. But be respectful of another’s scene. It might seem obvious, but do not interfere with any scene in any way.

• If you meet someone new and want to play, negotiate and outline the scene. The bottom should state in no uncertain terms what his/her hard limits are. And the Top should always respect these limits.

• Stick to these negotiated guidelines. Unless you are an experienced couple, stay reasonably within your negotiated limits. For example, if you have negotiated a light caning, keep it light. You might want to push the sub’s soft limits a bit, but don’t use the fact that he/she is immobilized as an excuse to do anything you want.

• Get the audience out of your mind. Concentrate solely on your Dominant or your submissive. Pay close attention to him/her; ignore any comments from those who are watching. Don’t play to the crowd; play to your partner.

• Observe. The Dom/me should be overly observant as to the condition of the sub. Often a submissive is reluctant to “safe.” Or is deep in subspace (which will be covered in subsequent articles) and cannot utter the safe word or even signal. So, don’t just rely on the safe word or safe signal. You don’t want to hurt your sub or have some DM stop your scene when you could just as easily have stopped it, or slowed it down, by yourself.

• Reassure your submissive. Being tied up or flogged in public is scary. Especially if it is his/her first time. Reassure the sub so he/she can relax and enjoy the scene.
.
• Don’t neglect aftercare. “Aftercare” is the sum total of the actions a Dominant takes, after a scene, to ease the transition of the submissive from her/his elevated endorphin state back to pre-scene normality. For many submissives, this can be the highlight of the scene!

• Don’t forget to clean and wipe down any equipment that you used.

There is one final thing you should do to make your scene a complete success. Make sure you thank the other person and compliment them on their participation in the scene with you.

But whether you play or not, have fun at the party. That’s what parties are for!

After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.

The Willing Subject

December 27, 2015 By Desdemona 1 Comment

Photographer: Dexx Models: Mistress Lucy and Renatta Collete

She loved to serve. To be subjected to the most mundane tasks pleased her immensely. Mistress enjoyed the torment. A foot stool, a shelf, any inanimate object-left for minutes or hours if she pleased.

Baadmaster’s Guide to Public Play: Part Two

December 24, 2015 By Baadmaster 3 Comments

In this second installment of our “Complete Guide To Public Play” we will examine the ins and outs of public play itself. The first question is, why do so many lifestylers play in public? The answer to this query could fill a book. But, rather than ramble on “big book style,” let’s try and be as succinct as possible.

There is an historical aspect to public BDSM play. Back in the day, the “Old Guard Leather Societies” encouraged public play. Maybe it was the kinkyness of it, or the exhibitionistic aspects of it, but this tradition continues to this day. (Enough of “BDSM History 101” for today!)

But history alone is not the complete answer. If public play did not serve a purpose, it would have died long ago. It seems the very act of displaying a slave reinforces, or even increases, the power exchange dramatically. As opposed to a private scene, here the submissive submits in front of everyone. It is an affirmation of his/her submission. Furthermore, the Dominant is strutting his Dom/me stuff for all to see. By all accounts, this public display of Dominance and submission is so powerful, and so bonding, that it has become one of the most defining aspects of our lifestyle.

To show you the power of public play, here is a slave’s diary of an actual play party she attended.

We were introduced to the other couples, most everyone was collared and they all had been together for some time. The play started with the youngest couple. She took off her clothes and was cuffed to a high post. She had to stand on her tippy-toes. Her Master practiced using his whip on her. The whipping was quite severe, but she never said a word. In fact, she giggled a lot. She didn’t even come close to uttering a safe word. The harder he hit her, the more she seemed to love it. (Later I was told she was a bust out masochists and loved pain.)

The host and his slave next took their turn. I watched him casually turn to her and tell her to strip, which she did immediately. She was also chained to this T post and then blindfolded. His approach was one of sensuality, not brutality. He worked on her for what seemed like an eternity. First he played with her breasts. Then he put clothespins on her nipples. Next came a long hand spanking. Unlike the first couple, there was no sado-masochistic dynamic. But the pleasure this slave derived from this extensive hand spanking was obvious. After he was finished with her, he removed her chains and clamps and clothespins and took her in his arms and held her lovingly. She was clearly in heaven.

Now it was my turn. Even though we had practiced our scene in advance, I have never been this excited, afraid, nervous, horny, anticipating and petrified before. Never have all these emotions flooded me simultaneously. It was truly an amazing experience and it was only going to get more mind boggling as my Master came for me…

For many, public play can be an adrenaline producing adventure that they cannot get by simply playing at home, in front of the same television that they watch “Game of Thrones” on.

Still, there are more reasons for public play. Many Dominants use play parties as a forum to demonstrate their latest toys and techniques. What better way to try out that new flogger or to demonstrate one’s skill with single-tail to an appreciative audience? Better still, they can get to show off their submissive’s progress to members of the community. And since rope bondage can be both beautiful and hot at the same time, why not show it off?

This can often be BDSM as performance art!

In Part III, we will offer some tips to make your public play a success!!!

The Erotic Art of Tickling

December 7, 2015 By Baadmaster 4 Comments

In our quest to cover all fetishes and play styles in KINK WEEKLY, we were surprised to find out that tickling, according to at least two surveys, is the second most popular fetish (after feet.) Thus, it is surprising that so little is written about it. Well, it is time to change all that.

The most popular form of tickling is not BDSM related at all – it is called “erotic tickling” and is quite codified. Generally done as foreplay, it is not play in and of itself. The key, according to some aficionados, is to find the ticklish spots and be very light in your tickling – and never go into the pain area, as in BDSM. There are books on erotic tickling and, done “by the book,” its proponents claim tickling can stimulate the nerve endings to such a degree as to make the subsequent sex much more intense.

Sometimes erotic tickling strays into the world of BDSM. A popular approach is to tickle a subject whose wrists and ankles are restrained. In this scenario, the “tickler” stops short of inflicting pain, aiming instead for a session of light, teasing yet sensual tickling – with a taste of bondage thrown in.

The next step in the tickling continuum is true BDSM tickling. As in all types of BDSM play, toys can be used. The hand, of course, is the tickler’s tool of choice. But feathers come in a close second, followed by feather dusters, toothbrushes, soft makeup brushes, silk cloths and other inventive tickling implements.

What about safety? There is a tendency to overlook safety concerns when participating in a BDSM tickling scene. After all, can you die laughing? When have you ever heard of a serial tickler or a tickling rapist? (A tickist?) Humor aside, any BDSM activity than can cause a submissive to be unable to breathe and empty his/her bladder should be taken seriously! A tickling scene can be very analogous to any other BDSM scene. Keep in mind, the soles of the feet (where much of tickling is done) are incredibly sensitive; the “bastinado” torture of the feet during the Spanish Inquisition is considered one of the most extreme – out of a panoply of extreme tortures! That said, if you are going to have a serious tickling session, set up a safeword and safe signal. (A word to the Tops: if the sub is in the extreme throws of a serious tickling session, he/she might not be able to utter the safe word – or even give the safe signal. Always keep an eye on her/him.)

Most times a BDSM tickling scene is done with the submissive (or the “ticklee”) in restraints or some form of bondage. Tickling can produce pain — much like spanking, flogging, or caning. The pain/sensation scale can be quite high – a ticklish submissive can be driven almost mad by these sensations. A skillful Tickling Top (clever title, eh?) can play this sensation palette like a violin. There is really no other form of play where you can go from full bore, almost unbearable mega-sensations to zero sensations so quickly – and vice-versa. There is no doubt that submissives can be put into a tickle-induced form of sub-space.

A very popular type of tickle play is time-limit scening. Tickle parties, like those promoted at some dungeons, are set up for this system. Here you tickle the submissive for ten-minute intervals. You can then discuss it with the submissive and go for another ten minutes. Or not. This is a great way for beginners to practice their tickling techniques. Ten minutes may not sound like a lot, but it can be quite intense for both the tickler and the ticklee. And the screams you hear can often rival those of a full-blown BDSM torture session. The more you understand about tickling, the more you will comprehend why it is so popular.

Tickling is another tool in our BDSM play arsenal. We recommend, to our fellow Tops who have not tried it, giving your submissive a serious tickling the next time you have him/her in restraints. You might find you can explore another set of sensations you had not tapped into. If you are a submissive, you might negotiate a tickling scene with your Top – an introduction to see if you like it. (Although, some positively hate tickling. Period.)

The beauty of tickling is that it requires little equipment, has a shallow learning curve and is very sensation intensive. I guess you might call that win-win-win activity!

By Baadmaster
After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.

Slave Contracts: Part Two

November 30, 2015 By Baadmaster 6 Comments

“A verbal contract isn’t worth the paper it is written on.” Samuel Goldwyn.

Last week, we presented two “slave contracts”; this week we will offer, as promised, some additional contracts. This group should fulfill all your “slave contract” needs.

But first, some additional observations are in order. (You can skip this section and get to the contracts; no one is watching. Other than Edward Snowden!)

Obviously, slave contracts are a great way to codify your BDSM relationship. Since memories are short, the slave’s duties can be spelled out exactly so there is no argument. And since they can be negotiated – as all contracts can – both Dominant and sub can be satisfied with the terms. But, I offer a couple of suggestions to consider before you sign on the dotted line.

First, from the sub’s point of view. DO NOT negotiate like you would when you are buying a car. Although the relationship can hang in the balance, you must always seem “sub-ly” (if there is such a word) and not be a “pushy submissive.” You can easily ruin the Dom/sub dynamic before you even start by being a “Dominant submissive.”
Second, from the Dom/me’s point of view. DO NOT use your position of Dominance to cajole the submissive into agreeing to terms he/she will later regret. On the other hand, do not cave in to all the sub’s demands (like the “Dominant as submissive” Christian Grey in Fifty Shades.) If you look like a wimp, many a sub will perceive you as a wimp and will walk all over you. Friendly negotiations are the best way to proceed.

And now, here is this week’s selection of slave contracts.

This first contract, and third in this series, is open ended; it is also part of the collaring ceremony. (We will, in future Kink Weekly issues, cover collaring from every point of view.) Much like a marriage, this slave contract/collaring is supposed to be forever. I love this contract; it is simple and to the point. Just add a termination/renewal date, a little negotiating and you have the basis for a killer relationship.

Collared Slave Agreement

Made this __________ day of _________ in the year 20_____, between __________________ hereinafter referred to as slave, and ______________________ hereinafter referred to as Master or Mistress,

Witnesseth: That the said slave, for and in good consideration and in humble appreciation of such care and attention as the said Master may choose to afford the slave, has given, granted and conveyed, and by these Presents does hereby give and convey unto the said Master; All of the slave’s body and each and every part thereof without reservation, every bit of the slave’s will as to all matters and things, and the entirety of the slave’s soul. To have and to hold, all and singular, the above described body, will, soul, and presence, to the Master and any of the Master’s Assigns until such time as the Master determines to the contrary.

The slave does hereby freely and voluntarily agree:

1. The slave shall immediately, diligently, and enthusiastically comply with and submit the slave’s full being to all directions or desires of the Master.

2. The slave shall offer, at all times, the Master absolute respect, shall address the Master only as “Master” or such other title as the Master shall direct, shall position the slave’s body in a physical position subordinate to the Master whenever possible, and shall speak to or otherwise distract the Master’s attention only when granted explicit permission to so do.

3. The slave shall diligently maintain the slave’s body parts in such circumstances as will demonstrate and ensure that they are fully open and available to the Master. In particular, the slave shall never close the slave’s legs in the Master’s presence, the slave shall never wear undergarments at any time, and shall cover no part of the slave’s body with apparel or material of any description, except when the act of doing so and the design of the item of apparel or material are expressly approved by the Master, and the slave shall keep the slave’s body parts clean shaven at the direction of the Master;

4. The slave shall preserve the slave’s body parts for the exclusive use of the Master and the Master’s Assigns, which use shall be the sole and exclusive source of the slave’s pleasure, and the slave shall engage in no act of self-gratification nor any physical contact with any other person, except at the express direction of, or permission by, the Master;

And, the slave does hereby irrevocably declare and acknowledge the slave’s everlasting and unconditional dedication to serving the Master to the Master’s full satisfaction, and the slave unashamedly confesses that prior indulgence of the slave’s untempered conduct by others may have permitted the slave to become afflicted with inferior habits that may prove unsatisfactory to the Master, from which imperfections the slave humbly implores the Master to free the slave by re-training the slave with corporal punishment, or any other means which the Master, in the Master’s unquestionable wisdom and experience, deems effective in directing the slave to the slave’s sole ambition and life destiny of perfectly fulfilling the Master’s every expectation of the slave.

In Witness Whereof, the slave has hereunto set the slave’s hand, and the Master has deigned to seal these Presents by affixing the Master’s collar around the slave’s neck, on this, the day first above written.
_____________________________________ slave

Signed by slave, whose collar was applied and who was delivered unto the Master on the date above-mentioned and in the presence of the below signed Witness or Witnesses.

_____________________________________ Witness
_____________________________________ Witness

Our second – and fourth in this series – slave contract is a rather technical one. I offer it to show you how detailed these contracts can get; you might need a lawyer to figure out some of these clauses. Still, the outline of the Master’s and slave’s responsibilities is clear and is a good indicator of the scope that a slave contract can entail. And its limited use of the safe word — except in extreme situations — is a good example of this type of slave contract.

Enslavement Contract

Of my own free will, I ___________________________, herein known as the Master, hereby accept you, __________________________, herein known as the slave, as my full responsibility and care, of both the slave’s body and mind as of:
the ____ day of ______, 20___, at ____:____ am / pm _____,
until
the ____ day of ______, 20___, at ____:____ am / pm _____.

This period of time will herein be known as the enslavement term.

The Master will command the slave at all times and will expect the slave to seek the Master’s comfort, pleasure and well-being, above all other considerations that the slave may have.

The Master accepts no responsibility for the slave’s pleasure during the relationship described in the Enslavement Documents, during the enslavement term. The Master may, at the Master’s discretion, administer pain or pleasure at any time. Upon disclosure of the slave’s desires for the Master’s consideration, the Master may or may not grant those pleasures desired by the slave. If desires are not disclosed by the slave, the Master takes no responsibility in the consequences of failure to disclose of the slave’s desires even if the slave is unable to communicate those desires to the Master. The Master will re-mold the slave’s body, habits, and attitudes to whatever the Master desires, within the scope of the Contract. If the slave does not change the slave’s actions and speech to express the slave’s changed habits and attitudes, the Master has every right to punish the slave for not adhering to the “Enslavement Contract” in any way the Master sees fit.

The Master expects the slave to learn how to please the Master better. The Master may instruct the slave in any way the Master feels appropriate The Master may administer criticism to the slave in any way the Master feels appropriate. If the slave does not understand the criticism, the way it has been communicated by the Master, the Master accepts no responsibility for the consequences of the slave not understanding.

The Master expects all rights to privacy or concealment of the slave to be revoked to the Master. The Master has the right to ask any question of the slave and has the right to expect the slave to answer truthfully and completely, to the best of the slave’s knowledge. If the Master suspects that the slave is not disclosing the best answer to the slave’s knowledge, the Master may interrogate the slave to acquire the best answer to the slave’s knowledge. The Master understands and agrees that any failure by the slave to comply fully with the Master’s desires shall be regarded as sufficient cause for any punishment the Master deems appropriate The Master also understands and agrees that if at any time the Master disregards the terms in the Enslavement Contract, the slave at that time can dissolve all contracts by uttering the termination word. The termination word is the only safe word that exists during the enslavement term, since all limits of the slave are described herein.
Within the limits of the Contract, the Master has the right to do anything the Master may choose to do with the slave, whether as punishment, for the Master’s amusement, or for whatever purpose the Master desires, no matter how painful, unpleasant, or uncomfortable to the slave.

The Master agrees to take all the experiences that occur during the enslavement term, that transpire in the relationship that has been described in the Enslavement Documents, as a chance to learn and grow, and use them to improve the relationship between the Master and slave, both during the enslavement term and possibly after the enslavement term.

Signed by, _______________________________, the Master,
and

signed by, _______________________________, the slave,

dated this ____ day of ______, 20____.

Much like a Las Vegas buffet, you can mix and combine these contracts to best suit your needs. There is no such thing as a “standard contract.” Yes, a Master/Mistress will be pushing boundaries; but these boundaries are open to negotiation. After all, it is YOUR relationship!

Slave Contracts: Part One

November 23, 2015 By Baadmaster 6 Comments

“The elephant in the room.” You’ve heard that expression a million times. For us at Kink Weekly, the “elephant in the room” is Fifty Shades of Grey. It has brought a kinda-sorta BDSM consciousness to the masses; its effects, both good and bad, cannot be ignored. This article will not address the pros and cons of this film, but rather it will expand on one of the most discussed aspect of it – slave contracts. While BDSM styles, protocols and rituals come and go, slave contracts endure. Slave contracts, to this day, are an integral part of many D/s and BDSM relationships. Why?

First, they are sexy. One cannot get hotter than a paragraph that says, “I will devote myself completely and totally to the pleasure and desires of my Master…”

Second, they remind the Dom/me and the sub of their duties during the term of the contract.

Third, they do render a small amount of legal protection were issues of consent to arise. (One cannot legally consent to being beaten; but a contract with the word “consensual” in it can mitigate some legal concerns.)

Finally, they are fun.

As an exclusive to Kink Weekly, we have compiled a number of slave contracts. After all, one size does NOT fit all. Surely, with the selection we are presenting, you will find a template that fits your needs. And remember, these contracts are subject to negotiation!

This first contract is the one I use. It is not open ended, has some great general rules and contains a safe word. (Although some High Protocol Masters eschew the safe word, I always use it.) This contract covers a lot of the bases – especially addressing “Work Rules of Conduct.” And the “I” is in lower case to reinforce submission!

Master/Mistress and Slave

Of my own free will and out of a desire to express my love and devotion to the man (woman) i love and adore, i offer myself in slavery to my Master for the period beginning on __________ and ending at noon on_____________.
Although i consider myself to be slave full-time to Master, during the time period expressed above, i will devote myself completely and totally to the pleasure and desires of my Master, without hesitation or consideration of myself or others.

General Rules

The slave agrees to obey her Master in all respects. his/her mind, body, heart and time belong to Him . The slave accepts the responsibility of using her safe word (red!) or safe signal (to be agreed upon) when necessary, and trusts implicitly in her Master to respect the use of that safe word. If a condition arises in which the slave needs to use the safe word or gesture, her Master will assess the situation, and determine an appropriate course of action.

The slave shall keep her body available for the use of her Master at all times. In addition, the slave agrees that her Master possesses the right to determine whether others can use her body and what use they may put it to. The Master will discuss all such instances in advance with the slave, to be certain that such play with others will not violate any established limits. The slave shall demonstrate her acceptance of her role of service and availability at all times while at home and at other times and places specified by her Master. The slave acknowledges that her Master may use her body or mind in any manner He wishes within the parameters of safety. He may hurt her without reason to please Himself. The slave enjoys the right to cry, scream or beg, but accepts the fact that these heartfelt expressions will not affect her treatment. Further, she accepts that if her Master tires of her noise, he may gag her or take other actions to silence her.

The slave will answer any questions put to her honestly and directly, and will volunteer any information her Master should know about her physical or emotional condition. While her Master expects His slave to speak honestly and forth rightly about anything that bothers her, she is not to interpret that as permission to whine or complain. she will phrase her concerns politely and respectfully, and then gracefully accept her Master’s judgment in these matters without further complaint.
The slave will always speak of her Master in terms of love and respect. She will address him at all times as either “Master” or “Sir” (see Public Rules of Conduct).

The Master may give the slave “free periods” in His presence during which the slave may express herself openly and freely. There will be no punishments applied during “free periods.” It is understood, however, that the slave will continue to address her Master with respect and love at all times and that deviations from the rule are subject to punishment at a later time.
The slave agrees that severe punishment may be assessed for any infraction of the letter or spirit of the contract, and will accept the correction gratefully. The form and extent of the punishment shall be at the Master’s pleasure, and the Master shall make it clear to the slave that she is being punished when punishment occurs. The Master shall endeavor not to inflict physical harm upon the slave that might require the attention of anyone outside the relationship. Master and slave agree that in extremes either may activate a free period by using the safe word. The free period will continue until both parties agree that the problem(s) concerned are resolved.

The slave is permitted to engage in any and all activities not actively forbidden by the contract or by later edict of the Master. All rights and privileges not otherwise noted in this contract belong to the Master, and He may exercise them as He chooses.

Private Rules of Conduct

On days when her Master is at work, the slave will greet Him wearing her collar, wrist restraints, and a shirt belonging to her Master. She will wear no underclothes in His presence unless given permission. On days when the Master is home, the slave will wear whatever is deemed appropriate by her Master. When in the same room as her Master, the slave will ask permission before leaving the room, explain where she is going, and why. At mealtimes, the slave will serve her Master, and sit at His feet while He eats. Food for the slave will be given by the Master at His discretion. When speaking to her Master or being spoken to by Him, the slave will assume a demeanor of alert attention and will meet her Master’s eyes directly, unless instructed to do otherwise.

Public Rules of Conduct

The slave will conduct herself at all times in such a manner as to not call attention to Master and slave. she will call her Master/Mistress by His/Her name only if the use of “Master” is inappropriate. The slave will defer to her Master in public. The slave may dress herself, but must seek approval of any clothing she wishes to wear in public. Unless specifically stated otherwise, the slave may not wear panties.

Work Rules of Conduct

No part of the agreement is intended to interfere with the slave’s career. The Master wishes the slave to work hard and honestly, in general to conduct herself in a manner calculated to bring honor and respect to them both. During periods of work, the slave is permitted to schedule appointments, to dress in a manner appropriate to work, and to leave the house when necessary. During periods of work, the slave may answer the telephone and discuss business without the expressed permission of her Master. With my signature below, i agree to accept and obey all preceding rules as well as any rules my Master may choose to issue at a later date. i gratefully consign by body and soul to my Master for His pleasure and use for the contract period noted above.

_____________________________________________ slave __________________ Date

I accept My slave’s desire to serve Me more fully, and take responsibility for her well-being, training and discipline to more perfectly serve My will.

_________________________________________ Master/Mistress _________________ Date

For those of you who wish a shorter, more general and yet more sexually based slave contract, I offer the following:

Slave Contract

This contract sets out the conditions of mutual consent under which _________________________ is to be held in sexual bondage and the terms of her enslavement.

Of my own free will, I offer myself in slavery to my Master/Mistress for the period beginning on __________ and ending at noon on_____________.

This contract also affirms that she/he shall be offered the use of a safe word (safe word: _______), the use of which in any situation whatsoever automatically stops any activity at that time.

Slave also has the right to cancel any and all conditions of this contract at any time.

Conditions:
I accept sexual use and abuse of my body while under discipline for any purpose.
I accept that I shall be placed in and kept under strict discipline within the negotiated time limit.
I accept any form of punishment meted out to me while under discipline.
I accept any form of restraint and chastisement, administered as Master desires.
I accept that the various forms of torment to which I am to be subjected may cause suffering. I wish it to be known through this document that I am aware that any such suffering is part of my training program.
I accept that I am subject to the absolute rule of my Master and those to whom he delegates that rule. This may be taken to mean that I am subject to sale, exchange, or loan without redress to those of corresponding status with my Master, but only within the context of this contract.
I accept that subtle rebellion is expected of me, and lack of it taken to the point of docility is likely to terminate this contract.
I accept that no form of disobedience will be tolerated when in the company of my Master, other Masters or Mistresses and slaves and that I must conduct myself precisely as instructed on each specific occasion.
I accept that I remain under the disciplinary code imposed by this contract at all times and am bound by it’s terms and conditions in all situations, whether closely supervised or not.

I _________________________, do set my signature to this document of my own free will, thus becoming the property of _____________________________, in full understanding that I may be used for any sexual or disciplinary purpose whatsoever, without prior limits.

SIGNED: _____________________________________ slave Date: ____________

SIGNED: _____________________________________ Master Date: ____________

Next week, we will be presenting two more slave contracts, one of which will include collaring. With this selection, we hope you
can find the right slave contract for your relationship.

A New Look at Pain

November 16, 2015 By Baadmaster 8 Comments

One of the most pervasive questions in this lifestyle is whether pain is essential in a BDSM relationship. The answer is an unequivocal “no.” One can have an awesome Doninant/submissive partnership with absolutely no pain being involved. It could be a sex slave arrangement, a service slave situation or any number of D/s unions. Then again, there could only be symbolic or light pain involved. A hand spanking when a submissive misbehaves or a light crop on the palms can be the basis of a very hot D/s relationship. Or just a light hand spanking in a kinky vanilla relationship. (After all, this is Kink Weekly!) The possibilities are virtually endless. We have no scientific data, but we would bet the number of non pain or light pain relationships far outnumber those using significant pain. Of course, the Sadist who whips his masochist in a dungeon attracts more attention than the Master with a sex slave whose service is limited to the bedroom. But, that is just the way it would appear to a casual observer; on closer analysis, it does not mean that pain is the preferred, or more popular, way to go. There is no one right way to do BDSM. That being said, the question remains, why is pain often an integral part of a BDSM relationship? What we propose is that there are three distinct aspects to pain that make it so pervasive. We will term this trio “the ‘Story of O’ effect,” “the subspace effect” and “the bonding effect.” Let’s examine them in order.

1. The “Story of O effect” alludes to the landmark novel of Dominance and submission by Paulene Reage, available for free. which took the world by storm in the seventies. At its core is the old school romantic proposition that a slave will do things for her/his Dominant that he/she would not do for anyone else. “Suffering for one’s Master” as a sign of submission. The novel, and a subsequent movie, has some odd, and debatable, takes on love and sacrifice; but, the overall message is that the devotion a slave has to her Master/Mistress can be judged by the amount of pain the slave takes. As BDSM progressed from the 70’s, this concept evolved into the common practice of pushing the submissive’s limits. Here the submissive/slave (for convenience, we will use these terms interchangeably) is being taken to places that she would not ordinarily go to for any other Dominant. “Pushing limits” does not have the verbal pizzazz, nor the romantic luster, that “Suffering for one’s Master” does. But, the effect can be almost identical. In both instances, we are using pain thresholds as a way of measuring the dedication of a submissive.

2. The “subspace effect” is commonly intertwined with the “Story of O effect.” Subspace often occurs during a pain session. What is this mysterious state called “subspace?” Although subspace will be explained in another Kink Weekly article (amazingly, it is titled “Subspace!”), it can safely be stated that subspace is a mental/physical state caused by a rush of endorphins flooding the body. Among subs who have experienced it, it is likened to “flying.” In fact, “flying” is a synonym for it. By all accounts, subspace is an incredible high. And here is the hook: it is accessed most easily and predictably by…guess what…pain!

The most effective way of putting a submissive into subspace is to spank/flog/cane him/her over a period of time. (Note: always observe safe words during BDSM play.) To put it succinctly, pain is popular because it works. As opposed to the “Story of O” effect, one does not have to push limits to get a submissive to fly. Moderate, or even light pain over a longer period of time, can be just as effective as extreme pain. Besides, what one person’s sting can be another person’s hurt.

3. The “bonding effect” might be an even more notable facet of pain than the previous two – if only on a subconscious level. Rarely spoken about in BDSM circles, its bonding power can be unbelievably potent. It appears the pain/pleasure/endorphin dynamic that is actuated when pain is given and received brings the duo together in unique ways. Whether they are play partners or a Dom/sub couple, the trust involved in pain play invariably bonds the two people together. Even casual players develop a close friendship that is deeper than being just golfing partners. Add into this the enjoyment that the Dominant gets from flogging – and even marking – a submissive. Perhaps this is one of the great appeals of pain!

Taken in totality, when these three aspects of pain are actuated, the partners can amplify any type of BDSM relationship they have agreed too. Light pain, medium pain or heavy pain can all be equally effective. Whatever pain threshold you decide to work with, the concept of three “effects of pain” might give you an insight into its power. After all, pain can be a potent tool for pleasure!

by BAADMASTER
After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.