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The Case Of Trevor Bauer

September 9, 2021 By TAC 2 Comments

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In our world, a lot can go wrong if we are not very careful. Trevor Bauer, professional baseball player, is currently finding this out. Pending the outcome of a restraining order hearing in LA Superior Court and potential criminal charges, the outlook does not get much worse. All over a series of potential kink encounters gone wrong.

Before I go any further, this is not about his potential innocence or guilt. Or the voracity of the claims of his accuser. It is looking at the overall circumstances which potentially led to this point from the lens of kink. I was not there and do not know all the facts. Likely the real truth will never see the light of day. Bystanders like us are left to speculate what may have happened. Which I am not doing either.

What this article will examine some of the potential failure points as IF this was a kink encounter gone bad and what might have been done to prevent things going as they did.

  • Just the Facts Ma’am

There is no one news story, article, or piece of court document which gives us a very good picture of what transpired. But after reading over fifty differing accounts of the court testimony and other sources a pattern begins to emerge where their stories match up. These are what I am hanging my hat on.

  1. There were only two encounters between the two of them both at Bauer’s residence.
  2. The two of them texted extensively and that during these exchanges “rough sex” was discussed at length to which they both indicated they were into.
  3. At some point in time a discussion on limits was had. Unknown what time or by what means the discussion took place. During these discussions his accuser did indicate some activities she was not comfortable with. We do not know what those are.
  4. The first encounter included rough sex as well as choking to the point of unconsciousness, fingers being shoved down her throat, impact by hand without bruising, and vaginal and anal sex. The latter possibly by force while she was unconscious.
  5. That when she regained consciousness, she asked him to stop, and he did.
  6. In between encounters she stated via text that she had never been more turned on than after their first encounter. This included her admission she liked “rough sex” and his statement that she probably did not like it as rough as he did. To which she replied, “Bring on the pain.”
  7. They agreed to meet a second time.
  8. The second encounter included rough sex as well as choking to the point of unconsciousness, impact by hand which included bruising, and vaginal and anal sex. The later possibly forced during the period of unconsciousness.
  9. That when she regained consciousness, she asked him to stop, and he did.
  10. That she incurred significant bruising as a result of the second encounter. She also experienced petechial hemorrhaging around the eyes and darkened gums potentially as a result of being choked.
  11. That they communicated via text after the second encounter during which she relayed images of the marks, bruising and hemorrhaging and he relayed his concern and offered support.
  12. That a day or so after the second encounter she sought medical assistance at an emergency room. During which the ER nurse administered a SART Examination (evidentiary examination for sexual assault) and notified law enforcement.
  13. Law enforcement did interview her. Law enforcement has not filed since charges or made an arrest on Bauer.
  14. Approximately a month later she filed for a protection order through the LA Superior Courts, Civil Division.

These lead me to believe they were engaged in kink; that they were both probably not very experienced; and the level of play did not match to the level of relationship or trust.

If so, where did it all go wrong and what are the failure points? What could they have done differently?

  • In the Beginning Consent – Potential Criminal Liability (leaving the protective order issue aside) 

Like most kink cases we have seen in the past Bauer is trying to argue these were consensual encounters and very possibly, given what we know, they were. But that does not matter one bit. As I have written in the past, consent as a legal defense regarding kink is a very iffy bet at best. Both regional and federal courts have ruled against consent as a defense in kink consistently.

Why?

Because it does not matter if the person receiving gave their consent as they cannot legally consent to a criminal act. In this case significant physical injury and forced penetration while unconscious. California has a specific law on the latter.  

  • Even Before Consent to the Act

What happened to not playing hard with people we barely know? Especially not Edge Play like choking. This more than anything else leads me to believe they are inexperienced players. 

What is on display here is a wanton disregard or being completely naïve of practices we know help protect us from both severe physical harm and legal issues. I can see some lower-level negotiation before very light play and have no problem with it. Yet here, they went all in without any known trust bond or relationship.

That is not only reckless from a legal standpoint, but from a personal safety standpoint also.

What we do in kink is risky, so risk seeking is hard coded in the DNA for many of us. Yet this drive to find the next physical and emotional high through play needs to be tempered with some restraint and good judgement. More often than not, we see newer players lacking in these areas, because they are new, lacking that experience, and get caught up in a current sweeping them along.

We need to take a significant amount of time to vet and get to know a person fairly well if we are going to play heavy. There is not any substitute for it and the potential consequences of ignoring this step are national headlines today.

  • The Marks of Passion

Whether we like it or not, they are evidence of a potential battery. As kinky people we do not view them this way, but the law does. Any time we leave a mark on someone, we have to be at peace with the potential consequences. If not, I would seriously advise against leaving any.

Bauer not only left marks but choked the accuser to the point where there was petechial hemorrhaging. Approximately 30 seconds of sustained pressure causes the blood vessels in the face to burst. This amount of force and time for the petechiae to develop puts the bottom in imminent risk of permanent physical harm. Law enforcement knows this and may charge Bauer accordingly as it could be viewed as attempted homicide or at the least a felony battery. The next 10 to 40 years of his life could be forfeit. 

Not being able to hammer this point enough….. if you are going to play this hard, you better be able to trust your partner. Both ways. Not the, “I’ve known them for a few months,” kind of trust. The I would trust them with my life and raising my kids if I died kind. 

If they are both inexperienced players as I suspect, Bauer and his accuser probably had no idea what they were getting into or they likely would not be where they are with this issue today.

Have a plan for seeking medical attention if needed. Seek out kink friendly professionals in your area who understand the marks they see, may not be abusive. Take the time to learn first aid, wound care, and more advanced medical aid appropriate to the type of play you are engaging in. If both of them were experienced, had a plan, and taken the time to train in how to deal with kink injuries….. perhaps this could have been avoided.

  • It’s the Unseen Things Which Can Bite Us the Worst

If Bauer knew her medical history, it is currently unknown if he did. Perhaps he did not know enough to even ask. Here that history may have played a significant role. During the court hearing the nurse who administered the SART examination openly testified in court the accuser’s use of ibuprofen prior to the second encounter could have exacerbated the bruising. The accuser was also taking the prescription medications Lexapro and Gabapentin. These in combination are a serious cocktail and may have also contributed to the excessive bruising.

Lexapro is an antidepressant and anxiety medication. Not digging on anyone who needs it or uses it. But as a top I would want to dig a little bit on this to make sure the person I was playing with is ok enough to do so. 

Gabapentin is used with other medications to prevent and control seizures. It is also used to relieve nerve pain in adults and is known as an anticonvulsant or antiepileptic drug. Knowing this I would be very hesitant to engage in heavy impact or choking/breath play. Regardless of why the accuser was taking the medication, they may be less likely to have a healthy pain response and unable to tell me the difference between the good pain (of impact play) and bad pain, to prevent seriously damaging them. Further, a restriction of oxygen could trigger a seizure.

Whether we like it or not, as tops we do have a responsibility to say no to play if we believe someone is not ready for the activities we want to engage in. Physically or mentally. Talking about medical history and medications is the only way to gain the needed information so we can make an informed decision. People involved in kink need to get past the embarrassment or secrecy they may hold regarding their personal information in this regard. It is for our own personal and collective safety.

  • Where It All Ends Up

There is no way to tell at this point what the outcome of the protection order hearing will be let alone potential criminal charges for Bauer. When this article is published, at least one of those may have been decided. Hopefully, with the release of additional information we can learn more about the circumstances and use it to better protect ourselves.

In the meantime, please take this article for what it is, partly fact, and partly speculation. Both used to highlight potential legal and physical risks of play.  I am not suggesting you should stop everything and go through your medicine cabinet or quit playing all together. Only that some of what we do has to be approached with real planning and thought; a bit of caution aided with a modicum of knowledge; and whole heap of covering your own ass before the fact.

Vetting; developing trust; understanding the kinks you are exercising and the risks; having an understanding of each others’ medical concerns, history, and medications; as well as having a plan for if play goes wrong are all key points we need to be aware of and practice. 

If we do not, we are rolling a loaded pair of dice and the odds are against us. 

Bauer rolled snake eyes.

News Stories and Relevant Links (unfortunately case transcripts are not available in full at this time)

Drug Interaction Checker – Find Interactions Between Medications (webmd.com)

9 Entirely Un-Sexy Risks of BDSM and How to Avoid Them (Part 1) (kinkoutloud.com)

9 Entirely Un-Sexy Risks of BDSM and How to Avoid Them (Part 2) (kinkoutloud.com)

Petechial Hemorrhage | Encyclopedia.com

Kink Aware Professionals (KAP) – Sex-Positive Support for Kink and Nonmonogamy (kapprofessionals.org)

Trevor Bauer Court Documents: Sexual Assault Accusation Details | Heavy.com

Trevor Bauer: California woman shares her brutal fear during restraining order hearing – Sports Illustrated

Trevor Bauer’s accuser cross-examined by Dodgers pitcher’s attorney on 2nd day of restraining order hearing – ABC7 Los Angeles

Trevor Bauer accuser details why she asked for restraining order – The Washington Post

What we learned from Day 2 of the Bauer Hearing – Beyond the Box Score

Trevor Bauer accuser becomes flustered by cross-examination – Los Angeles Times (latimes.com)

Bauer accuser grilled about past relationships with Padres players, deleted messages – Daily News

Trevor Bauer’s attorneys question his accuser (nypost.com)

Trevor Bauer (トレバー・バウアー) (@BauerOutage) / Twitter

Trevor Bauer’s hearing begins with testimony from accuser – Los Angeles Times (latimes.com)

Trevor Bauer accuser testifies against Dodgers pitcher in restraining order hearing – ABC7 Los Angeles


TAC is a lifestyle writer, dominant, and mentor who contributes to and helps admin several online kink, polyamory, and swing culture groups on Facebook such as the BDSM Alternative Lifestyle Discussion and Education; Information Exchange for Dom/mes, Masters, and Mistresses; Virtual Munch; and Pittsburgh Lifestyle. His writing includes information on self-improvement, kink education, growth, dominance, trauma, power dynamics, healthy and healing relationships, power exchange, safety and much more. His goal is to continue giving back to a community of friends who have supported him for over three decades. He can be contacted and view much of his other writing on FetLife @ TAC_1.

Tagged With: bdsm, bdsm community, bdsm news, bdsm play, bdsm relationship, bdsm safety, bdsm scene, fetish, kink

This week in kink: July 19, 2021

July 15, 2021 By Desdemona 2 Comments

Don’t miss this awesome sex furniture from BuzzFeed!

Best Sex Chairs And Furniture For Getting Down In 2021 (buzzfeed.com)


Interested in breath play?

Then, check out this informative article about some major breath play do’s and don’t’s from Women’s Health!

What Is Breath Play? Experts Explain The BDSM Practice (womenshealthmag.com)


In a long distance relationship?

Want to spice up your sex life?

Then, check out these sexy BDSM texts from Elite Daily!

How To Send A BDSM Text That’ll Give Your Partner A Kinky Thrill (elitedaily.com)


Have some kinky news to share? Tell us about any upcoming BDSM events, new products, dungeon openings / closings, kink in mainstream media, and anything else you think kinky folks might be interested to hear about. Send your tips through to kinkweekly@gmail.com, and it might just end up on next week’s “This Week in Kink.”

Tagged With: bdsm, bdsm community, bdsm news, bdsm play, bdsm relationship, bdsm safety, bdsm scene, bdsm toys, fetish, kink

This week in kink: January 11, 2020

January 10, 2021 By Desdemona 2 Comments

Feeling lonely and isolated during the pandemic?

Want to meet more people?

Then, check out this awesome list of the best hook-up sites from Reader!

https://www.chicagoreader.com/chicago/top-20-hookup-sites-that-actually-work-and-get-you-laid/Content?oid=85357620

Many think that being a kinkster is linked to trauma. However, a recent scientific study has disbanded this ideology.

Click below to read more from Big Think!

https://bigthink.com/sex-relationships/bdsm-psychology-trauma

BDSM has become more normalized in recent years (key word being “more.” In a lot of areas it’s still not widely accepted, and is still viewed as deviant/taboo).

With this being said, Feminism in India touches on the normalization of kink, feminism, dominance/submission, history, and how this all relates to the expression of sexuality, gender, and the current political climate.

Click below to find out more!

We Need To Talk About The Normalisation Of BDSM

Have some kinky news to share? Tell us about any upcoming BDSM events, new products, dungeon openings / closings, kink in mainstream media, and anything else you think kinky folks might be interested to hear about. Send your tips through to kinkweekly@gmail.com, and it might just end up on next week’s “This Week in Kink.”

Tagged With: bdsm, bdsm community, bdsm news, bdsm play, bdsm relationship, bdsm scene, dominant, feminism, fetish, gender, history, kink, Kink Research, pornhub, psychology, Science, sex, sex research, sexual fantasy, sexual safety, sexuality, submissive, trauma

This week in kink, November 6, 2017

November 6, 2017 By Desdemona Leave a Comment

Our friends at Lovely Fate are having another party this Saturday in Los Angeles.  Seeing as they only do them infrequently, we thought we’d repost Laila’s review from when she attended earlier this year.  I sure am looking forward to it!

lovelyfate1


Are you afraid of “coming out” to your healthcare professional? We found this article very interesting as it raises some interesting points about telling your doctor about your lifestyle, especially if you are regularly being exposed to STI’s or blood born pathogens through edge play. There is also a concern about mental health concerns as well. Check out this article on Forbes.


We like a little kink in our tv watching experiences. Starz’s The Girlfriend Experience season 2 premiere treats us to a lesbian Dom/Sub relationship. The actresses are excited to delve into this season’s delightful pleasures and opening themselves up to experiences they may not have in their own lives, but are very much a part of our kinky hemisphere here at Kink Weekly! Read here.

thegirlfriendexperience


Have some kinky news to share? Tell us about any upcoming BDSM events, new products, dungeon openings / closings, collarings, kink in mainstream media, and anything else you think kinky folks might be interested to hear about. Send your tips through to news@kinkweekly.com, and it might just end up on next week’s “This Week in Kink”

Tagged With: bdsm news, kink news, news, this week in kink

This week in kink, September 25th, 2017

September 25, 2017 By Desdemona 1 Comment

A fascinating read on a pair of pioneers in the BDSM lifestyle. Living in San Francisco, they continue their work and teachings. Read their full story from the San Francisco Chronicle.


An Irish bar is under fire for an “aesthetically vile” sign that has been in place since 2013. When I read the article headline I was expecting the sign to have nudity or offensive language. The simple marquee sign in large black lettering simply says “BDSM”-paying homage to the name of the bar. The bar owner is taking it in stride, however.


The Story of L and spin off from The Story of O gets a second life with its 2017 re-release. The story follows a lesbian plot line as a woman goes from Dominant to submissive.


Read about China’s leading expert in BDSM. She’s not what you would “expect”.


Have some kinky news to share? Tell us about any upcoming BDSM events, new products, dungeon openings / closings, collarings, kink in mainstream media, and anything else you think kinky folks might be interested to hear about. Send your tips through to news@kinkweekly.com, and it might just end up on next week’s “This Week in Kink”!

Tagged With: bdsm news, kink news, this week in kink

This week in kink, September 18th, 2017

September 19, 2017 By Desdemona 1 Comment

screen-shot-2017-09-19-at-3-04-55-pm

Our friends The Monarchs here in Los Angeles will be hosting their Harvest of Horrors play party this Saturday at Threshold. It’s sure to be a spooky blast! Get tickets here.


screen-shot-2017-09-19-at-11-00-41-am

Anyone heading to Prague? The Sex Machines Museum looks like a must-see for any kink enthusiast. Boasting sexual devices through the ages, the museum also features vintage porn, genital jewelry, and more!


I was delightfully surprised by Vice’s detailed ‘how to’ for kinking up your apartment. Some of New York’s most notable Dominatrixes gave their best tips for working with small spaces and making vanilla items handy for play.


This is an interesting turn of events ending with a victory for the Folsom Street Fair organization-Facebook originally rejected a proposed ad from Folsom soliciting for volunteers for their annual event. The ad is below. Do you all think this ad is too much for Facebook? Eventually, Facebook reversed their decision and ran the ad. Read the full story here for the details.

folsom

Have some kinky news to share? Tell us about any upcoming BDSM events, new products, dungeon openings / closings, collarings, kink in mainstream media, and anything else you think kinky folks might be interested to hear about. Send your tips through to news@kinkweekly.com, and it might just end up on next week’s “This Week in Kink”!

Tagged With: bdsm news, Folsom Street Fair, kink news, prague, sex machine museum, this week in kink

This week in kink, September 11th, 2017

September 11, 2017 By Desdemona Leave a Comment

It’s an emotional day in the US as we remember the events of September 11th at the World Trade Center in New York. Though I was not in the country at the time, it was an event that rocked the world and most certainly won’t be forgotten. Today we remember those that lost their lives and all of the first responders and volunteers who answered the call for help on that day.
-Dexx


Texts From Last Night share some sweet and tender moments in BDSM.


This is a hilarious and fun story about a unique scene some pro-Dommes did with a client.


Have some kinky news to share? Tell us about any upcoming BDSM events, new products, dungeon openings / closings, collarings, kink in mainstream media, and anything else you think kinky folks might be interested to hear about. Send your tips through to news@kinkweekly.com, and it might just end up on next week’s “This Week in Kink”!

Tagged With: bdsm news, kink news, this week in kink

This week in kink, September 5th, 2017

September 5, 2017 By Desdemona 1 Comment

I trust everyone had a good Labor Day weekend. I spent mine relaxing poolside in Palm Springs but I hope some you had a kinkier weekend!

-Dexx


This new series Neurotica from IFC cracks me up. A OCD Dominatrix, that’s all I’m going to say. Watch episode one and let me know what you think on the comments!


This article on the long practiced art of “flagging” is really interesting. The act of wearing a specific handkerchief in one’s back pocket to signify where your interests lie. This practice was predominantly practiced by the gay leather community.


Allure magazine did a very “scientific” study to find out which sexual practices are the most popular.


An ermerging gender fluid line of lingerie is coming from a very unexpected designer. Check out this article from Bazaar.


Art by Jay E. Moyes
Art by Jay E. Moyes

The Coaster Show is back here in Los Angeles at La Luz de Jesus Gallery. The annual show brings work from many artists with a strong showing in fetish and erotica this year. Artists submit their works painted or produced on drink coaster-sized canvases. The show runs through the end of the month.


Have some kinky news to share? Tell us about any upcoming BDSM events, new products, dungeon openings / closings, collarings, kink in mainstream media, and anything else you think kinky folks might be interested to hear about. Send your tips through to news@kinkweekly.com, and it might just end up on next week’s “This Week in Kink”!

Tagged With: bdsm news, coaster show, IFC, kink news, Neurotica, this week in kink

This week in kink, August 21st, 2017

August 21, 2017 By Desdemona 1 Comment

We hope you all enjoyed viewing the eclipse safely, it was definitely the highlight of all the news outlets here in the states! -Dexx


This is a fun read from Leafly about one Dominatrix/entrepreneur pitching her cannabis-based lubricant at a pot convention in order to win over investors.


Flamefest sounds like the kind of place I’d like to visit. The BDSM/swinger festival has classes, parties and more. Unsurprisingly, local residents are unhappy about the “festivities.” since the event happened last weekend, we can assume it went off without a hitch, but we’ll keep you posted on any updates.


“The Hacienda Villa is located in the city’s trendy Bushwick area, and is home to 14 open-minded 20-somethings who embrace ‘sex positivity’.” A communal BDSM house where residents are not allowed to sleep with one another-a novel idea! How about we get a west coast chapter started? Full story here.


Have some kinky news to share? Tell us about any upcoming BDSM events, new products, dungeon openings / closings, collarings, kink in mainstream media, and anything else you think kinky folks might be interested to hear about. Send your tips through to news@kinkweekly.com, and it might just end up on next week’s “This Week in Kink”!

Tagged With: bdsm news, kink news, this week in kink

This week in kink, August 14th, 2017

August 14, 2017 By Desdemona Leave a Comment

The Snctm house in Los Angeles
The Snctm house in Los Angeles

Local LA sex party with a BDSM influence Snctm is making waves with its one hundred million dollar membership, offered to one lucky guy after expanding it’s parties to New York. Read more about this all-inclusive membership here.


FetishCon kicked off this past weekend in St. Petersburg, FL. The event moved cities after years of holding its festivities in Tampa. Apparently the event went off without incident-that is I’m sure plenty of kinky fun was had but no one died or got arrested. All in all, a good weekend I’d say!


Here in Los Angeles we wanted to wish a local community leader Mistress Cyan, owner of Sanctuary LAX congratulations on her marriage. We hope her and her bride have a happy and long life together!


Have some kinky news to share? Tell us about any upcoming BDSM events, new products, dungeon openings / closings, collarings, kink in mainstream media, and anything else you think kinky folks might be interested to hear about. Send your tips through to news@kinkweekly.com, and it might just end up on next week’s “This Week in Kink”!

Tagged With: bdsm news, kink news, this week in kink

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