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Do You Have a Personal Erotic Myth That Drives Your Kink?

In Part 1, I argued for the validity of Fetishsexuality as an authentic sexual identity. I proposed that each individual Fetishsexual has an inherent Personal Erotic Myth that drives their arousal.

I base this theory, in great part, on the research data from over 4,000 participants who’ve taken the Discover Your Personal Erotic Myth Survey.

A Personal Erotic Myth (PEM), as I model it, is an inherent psychological/sexual structure in the unconscious that contains the fantasy imagery, epic storylines, archetypal mythic personas, props, attire, dialogue, setting, and actions, from primal to refined, that drive a person who has a PEM to orgasm or other deep erotic state.

These mythic representations are most notably expressed in contemporary Fetish, Kink, D/s, and BDSM where archetypal and symbolic personifications abound.

A PEM can take many forms, but to a great extent will include paired personas in some form of power-exchange such as Master/slave, Mommy/son, FemDom/cuckold, Daddy/daughter, Teacher/student, and a pantheon of other variations.

These pairings of two or more may be further differentiated through an array of emerging gender and alternative sexual identities. Some people identify as Switches, and can cross back and forth between the poles of power-exchange as they wish.

One’s Personal Erotic Myth generally includes action, dialogue, tone of voice, a particular gaze, body language, props, attire and context that yearns to be expressed. These can occur in never-ending variations.

These yearnings may be out of conscious view for many people. They may be held behind sex-negative fear, shame, or trauma the person has experienced around their sexuality-just below conscious awareness. Until nearing orgasm anyway!

In those last minutes or so before cumming, the rich truth of one’s Eros, no matter how well hidden, can no longer be held back. It bursts forth and animates the body in wild, fierce gestures. It explodes from the voice in a truncated blasphemy such as…”Oh god, fuck me, YES!, please, harder, deeper, or take it, slut, whore, bitch” as the case may be, or less decipherable, primitive grunts and screams. This is just a climactic sound byte from the full story of Personal Erotic Myth being expressed internally.

For someone who is a Fetishsexual, expressing their desire is not scripting and acting out a part. It is not just role-playing. It is literally embodying this alter erotic persona that they authentically possess, and allowing it the unencumbered space to express fully in word, deed, and action with a consenting partner.

These archetypal personas operating within one’s PEM are already intact and whole within the individual’s personal unconscious.  These parts of the erotic psyche already know generally what they desire to do and say to the erotic counterpart they are engaging. It knows what implements, attire, setting and other elements are common to their mythic erotic story. And, when enacted from a state of presence, is a totally creative, spontaneous, authentic, sexual entity.  It may be quite distinct from one’s everyday persona.

The key polarity of Dom/sub also references the major archetypal personas that have been part of the collective unconscious for thousands of years. The King/Queen or loyal subject/devotee archetypes for example.

Many of the erotic themes and archetypal personas that occur in the individual PEM can be found globally throughout the gene pool throughout history.

They have been known and utilized by humans in ritual ceremonies, and as a mainstay of cultural literature and cosmology for thousands of years. This universal, collective nature of archetypes and myths has been an integral aspect of all human experience since recorded history, and has been well- noted by Carl Jung, Margaret Mead, Joseph Campbell and many others.

These major archetypes, symbols, and mythic cosmological stories are shared by diverse cultures all over the world. They are part of the human software already embedded in our unconscious.

We may not pay conscious attention to this symbolic dimension of our experience, but we do respond and resonate to these myths, archetypes, and symbols in ancient or contemporary form, as we do to symbols of all sorts coming from our inner and outer worlds.

Think of how the pixels on the 2 dimensional surface of a screen in a movie theater can be arranged into interacting characters, symbols, and epic stories that evoke authentic laughter, tears, anger, and other passions.

The universal nature of these internal, archetypal personas, dispersed throughout the gene-pool, explains why someone with even the most obscure Kink interest can and does find others from a similar sexual tribe. On a site like Fetlife, for example, there are hundreds, if not thousands, of groups representing individuals with a certain twist on Kink.

There can be 50 to 10,000 members in a particular Kink interest group. The point is these groups are actively populated with people of the same desire. These individuals are connecting, partnering in long-term relationships, and building new communities based on their shared desires for a particular range of Kink.

Before the internet this was impossible. This is how the sexual cat has been let out of the bag, I would say, in a way unprecedented in the history of civilization!

I believe it is conceivable that the roots of our wildest sexual desires, and the archetypal figures they manifest, extend far into our evolutionary heritage of mammalian alpha/beta pecking order instincts, and deeper into predator/prey reptilian level instincts.

Why these heritages and primal dimensions of our psyche have become eroticized is still a great mystery.

However, to me, it is clear that we encompass aspects of our sexuality related to power exchange from both hot-blooded mammalian territorial dominance and submission enactments, to cold-blooded, reptilian, predator/prey sadistic/masochistic expressions.

These mythic, often unconscious, structures of our Erotic desire find their way to the surface through our fantasies when we engage sexually, where they can drive one to orgasm or to other deep, erotic states.

When engaged consciously and allowed to be expressed and embodied authentically with a consenting partner, these fierce explorations of our dark, wild instinctual edges can offer a profound sense of empowerment, acceptance, and bliss from either side of the slash of power exchange. If you are curious to learn more about your or your partner’s inner, sexual psyche, check out the free and anonymous Discover Your Personal Erotic Myth Survey. (http://GalenFous.com/pem ) .

You can also support our ongoing Kink-positive research by sharing the survey with your own networks.

Help us shed more light on this misunderstood dimension of human sexuality. Your support of the Discover Your Personal Erotic Myth research project is greatly appreciated!

About Galen Fous MTP 

Kink-Positive Therapist, Author, Educator & Sex Researcher

Galen regularly speaks at universities, grad schools and conferences about sexuality and Kink. He offers AASECT and APA approved CE classes for therapists on various accredited online educational platforms.  His research focuses on understanding the unconscious psychological dynamics of Kink, Fetish and D/s-BDSM sexuality. Galen Has a Masters in Transpersonal Psychology from ITP.

He works with clients within a Transpersonal psychology framework that helps individuals and couples get honest, shame-free and confident in expressing their authentic sexuality. Galen helps clients shift from compulsive, dishonest, risky sexual behaviors to negotiated, consensual authentic sexual practices.  This framework includes resolving the embedded fear, shame and judgments entangling one’s desire.

An important component of his research into the nature of Fetishsexual and Kink desire is the development of the Discover Your Personal Erotic Myth Survey.   ( http://galenfous.com/pem ) This ground-breaking and ongoing research survey with over 4000 participants so far, is the first study that begins to document the mythic archetypal aspects of Fetishsexuality by mapping of the sexual unconscious.

Galen’s latest book, “Decoding Your Kink – Guide to Explore, Share and Enjoy Your Wildest Sexual Desires” has been praised by sexual psychologists and educators as “Visionary …Masterful …Groundbreaking …Cutting Edge…Worth its Weight in Diamonds … Highly Recommended…A Must Read!”  He is also the author of “The Sharp Edge of Love – Extreme Sex, Mythic Passion, Primal Intensity.  Learn more at http://galenfous.com

In 2000, he introduced the world renowned Tetruss Shibari Suspension-Bondage Rig, Portable Dungeon, and Sex Swing, the world’s most versatile adult toy. (http://Tetruss.com)