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Consensual Kidnapping Scenes

October 20, 2021 By Baadmaster 2 Comments

blonde sexy Domme with male submissive in straitjacket — via stock.adobe.com

With the phenomenon of “cameras everywhere,” the possibility of doing anything under rhe radar – from BDSM to Bread and Breakfast – is virtually impossible. Of course, this erosion of privacy can be a topic in just about any forum, from politics to sexual expression. So, when a question that includes all aspects of intrusive technology with respect to BDSM comes across my desk (and I don’t even have a desk!), I jump at the chance to attempt a cogent answer. So, here it is!

Reader: My Mistress and i have been thinking about a play kidnap scene but are uncertain about Health and Safety precautions, and of course the law. How can we do this safely and avoid involving the Police or the public unintentionally?

As we all know, privacy is going the way of the horse and buggy. One must assume that if you want to attempt an abduction scene, you will have to keep in mind you will be observed. The question is whether this intrusion will insure a trip to the local police station. Your question acknowledges the Police could get involved.

If you imagine an abduction scene as being a “mini-movie,” you can use this to great advantage – from planning aspects to legal issues. From the planning side, making a “movie storyboard” is a great way to go. It doesn’t have to be elaborate, but it can take you from “point a” to “point b” to “point c” in an easy-to-picture way. By visualizing every step, it will help you identify those areas most likely to go right — or wrong. A storyboard gives you a great overview and makes controlling the whole project a lot easier.

As to the legal concerns, it is clear that the actual kidnapping is always the riskiest part. And the more true-to-life you want to make the scene, the more dangerous it is. With video cameras all over the place, prepare for the best but expect the worst. I am not giving any legal advice here (this is the “BaadMaster disclaimer”), but I have discovered one great concept that can take some of the risk out of an abduction scene. I call this the “reality TV movie” strategy. With the popularity of reality TV, this approach has a lot to recommend it. It takes a bit of extra work, but if you wish to stage a realistic abduction scene, it is well worth the effort.

First of all, write a quick abduction script. Title it something like, “The Abduction of Amber.” Then have each person involved sign an actor’s contract/release form and attach a photocopy of his/her driver’s license. Verify that everyone is of legal age. Finally, you must have a video camera with you and take some footage of the “project.” This doesn’t make you immune to Murphy’s Law, but it gives you a degree of protection should things go wrong.

And what can go wrong? Two untoward things can happen when you stage a public abduction. One, a cop actually sees the kidnapping and intervenes. The “reality movie” explanation – with all your “actors” ready to state that it is a movie project and with all the release forms in order – will, more than likely, head off any problems. Another, somewhat similar, problem can occur if someone sees the abduction and calls the police. In this case, you might wind up with cherry tops pulling you over. Again, the movie setup gives you the best chance of not having any further hassles. Be respectful, have your paperwork ready, spend the twenty bucks and register this “script” with the WGA and you will likely be fine. At the very least, if you are arrested, the charges will likely be dropped.

You might think all this preparation takes the fun and spontaneity out of the scene. This might be true to some extent; but we live in the real world. Just as safe sex is essential in the world of STD’s, so is caution indispensable in a world of aggressive law enforcement. Anything worth doing well is worth doing right. And taking a lot – if not all – of the worry out of an abduction scene more than compensates for the extra planning and paperwork this approach requires.

This “reality TV” concept does not preclude the need to follow all of the procedures that I outlined. Make sure to agree on safe words, have an outside friend available on the cellphone and pre-negotiate all hard and soft limits. You don’t want problems at the destination after the abduction goes well. The less that is left to chance, the more fun you will have. Movies and TV have filled our minds with all sorts of nifty, sometimes sexy, visions of what a kidnapping looks like. With this in mind, why not star in your own movie? That, to me, sounds like the most fun!

After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.

This week in kink: October 25, 2021

October 20, 2021 By Desdemona 2 Comments

Check out how to make your own sex toys with VICE!

California bans non-consensual condom removal!

How “Total” Power Exchange Is Manifested

October 13, 2021 By Dame TylerRose. 2 Comments

hot sexy Domme with whip, male submissive — via stock.adobe.com

There’s been a lot of yammering about the “total” part of total power exchange, and a lot of “whatabout” ism as people try to prove that total isn’t total at all.

People seem to think that the “total” in TPE means the dom is making every single decision every single minute of the day, and those decisions are all about the extremes of life and death matters. They seem to think decisions made must be to the detriment of the sub/slave half of the dynamic.

What they fail to see is that it also means the sub/slave is doing what the dom wants without having to constantly ask for a decision or be threatened with punishment. TPE requires obedience on the part of the sub/slave. If the sub/slave won’t obey, there is no power exchange. Disobedience/noncompliance is keeping control. Obedience/compliance gives control.

The dom/master/owner gives the rules and the sub/slave/property obeys them. That’s the power. It’s not about the teeniest little thing being dictated. It’s about doing things how the dom wants them to be without pitching a bitch about it every single time. It’s knowing “this” is what they want…and fulfilling their wishes.

You know he doesn’t like rye bread. So you don’t make his lunch with rye bread. Do you have to be told a thousand times that he doesn’t like rye bread? No. He told you once and you remember. You can buy it for yourself if you want, unless he decrees he doesn’t want it in the house. If he doesn’t want it in the house, don’t fucking buy it.

THAT is the T in TPE.

EW decided once that I was not to address anyone by any title. His decision was final. I abided by that decision regardless who didn’t like it. When there came a time that someone had earned my respect (Lon_RM, who I have come to regard as the father I wish I’d had) that I wanted to use the title in his name (MasterLon, at that point), I went to EW and explained. He agreed and the exception was made. The rule was NOT changed for anyone else.

It was EW’s decision to make the exception. There was another time when I had asked for an exception and he’d said no. I abided by that decision, whether I liked it or not. That is total power.

I asked EW to flog me long enough that I naturally fell asleep. He refused. I had to abide by that decision, because he would never relent and I was not to ask again. I had nothing to say about his decision. I was not given the luxury of an opinion on the matter. That is total power.

There was a night he’d forgotten his keys. He was already in Manhattan and did not have the time to travel half an hour back home and half an hour into work again. I had a full plate of food in front of me. A delicious corned beef supper. I had to put that supper in the fridge, get my shoes on, and take him his keys. There was no option for me to say “after I eat”. It had to be now because Master needed it NOW. There wasn’t a single second of complaint about it from me. This was my job as his sub: To do as he required. Period. He had that total power to command. An hour and a half later (because waiting for trains and walking blocks through neighborhood), I was back home and finally able to eat my supper at 9 o’clock at night.

Having “total” power also means having discretion over when to exert their will and when not to.

He knew he could insert his own ideas into my books. He could use that power if he wanted. He chose never to tell me what to write or how. He felt it would not be appropriate. That is discretion.

He could have told me what kinds of leather goods to make. He could have told me never to use skulls or upside down crosses if he wanted. He chose never to tell me what to make or how to make it. That is discretion. He did, however, greatly enjoy prototype day, and some of my innovations. He particularly liked the 3-sided, meatier handles.

He could have bent me over and fucked me during the most painful days of my period if he wanted. He chose mercy, and would sometimes jerk off onto my tits instead. All I had to do was kneel or sit there and hold my tits up. He chose not to cause me more pain and discomfort. He chose discretion.

There was a time we discussed a piercing or tattoo to mark me as his. Then he worked a season with the Freak Show from Coney Island hanging in Blood Manor. He came home one morning and declared that he would never get me pierced or tattooed. Ever. Didn’t matter if I wanted the piercing or tattoo. He had decided, and the matter was at his discretion in the first place. When the time came that I wanted a simple tattoo as research for a book, he allowed it because it was for my own reasons and not something marking me as his. When I asked, months later, if I could get it finished, he said no. I did not sneak out behind his back to get the tattoo finished. Because total power exchange.

He chose to allow me to learn to top others. He could have put a stop to it at any time. In the last couple years of our relationship, he let me go to spanking parties and receive. But there were rules for both. I could not touch the genitals of anyone. No one could touch my genitals. There was no kissing. No mouths touched me and my mouth touched no one. This was completely within his power to permit or refuse at any time, any party. Even if I was about to walk out the door, he could have told me to stay home and I would have had to obey. Because total…and at his discretion.

I didn’t ever intentionally disobey him on trivial things or for trivial reasons. He knew anything I did that was contrary to what he might have wanted was a “rock/hard place” moment and I made the best decision I could…in good faith.

Not once was his “power” diminished by any of his decisions. He chose when how to use his authority and exert himself…and chose when not. He made what he felt was the correct decision in the moment.

And I didn’t turn every decision into a battle in order to have my way. Pissing and moaning over every decision, undermining every decision or overriding them and doing whatever the fuck I wanted, would have undermined the entire TPE dynamic. It would not have been “total”.

TPE meant he decided and I abided. Period.

TylerRose. is known as Dame Tyler in the NYC public SM/Fetish scene. She is an award-winning author who has written four “lifestyle”, four cartoon, and twenty eight fiction books. She’s been doing this bdsm stuff for 34 years and lived TPE relationships for 31 years.

Read her books on her Amazon page — https://www.amazon.com/TylerRose./e/B00HCPLSP2

You can also find more of her OP/ED work in Fetlife: https://fetlife.com/users/305828

She enjoys crocheting, diamond painting, and baking, and will no doubt die with a thesaurus open on her thigh.

This week in kink: October 18, 2021

October 13, 2021 By Desdemona 2 Comments

Want to learn more about what it means to bottom?

Then, check out this riveting article from Refinery29!

Learn about the Uk’s oldest Pro Domme, Mistress Sofia from DailyStar!

Click below to find out more!

AnnaLynne McCord talks about how she uses BDSM to cope with childhood trauma.

Click below to read more from ET Canada!

AnnaLynne McCord Opens Up About Using BDSM To Cope With Her Childhood Trauma

This week in kink: October 11, 2021

October 7, 2021 By Desdemona 2 Comments

Don’t miss the finale of “Documentary BDSM Adventure” with Rory Knox!

Click below to learn more from Xbiz!

Want to learn more about medical fetishism?

Then, check out this awesome article from Paper!

Inside the World of Medical Fetishism – PAPER (papermag.com)

Don’t miss this riveting article about Mary Brennan, a former Pro Domme and her experiences in the BDSM world!

Click below to find out more from nzherald!

This week in kink: October 4, 2021

September 29, 2021 By Desdemona 2 Comments

Don’t miss SF’s Folsom Street Fair! Learn more from SF gate!

Discover why Trevor Bauer’s actions were unacceptable according to the BDSM community!

Click below to find out more from Sports Illustrated!

New to kink?

Then, check out this great article on how to get started from HelloGiggles!

Click below to read more!

Using The Safe Word As A Weapon

September 29, 2021 By Dame TylerRose. 2 Comments

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Using the Safe Word as a Weapon

We see it all the time. “sub has the power because safe word!” or “sub has the power because can stop play at any time.”

Okay…I have some questions that stem from the many repetitious discussions on safe words that I see on a daily basis on this site.

WHY is your partner your enemy who must be beaten in all things?
Why is your partner such a foe that he/she must be held at bay every minute by the power of your consent and the threat of…of what, exactly?

If you don’t obey my safe word, then I’m going to…what? What are you going to do? Call the police? Nope, you won’t call the police. They almost never call the police, do they. They don’t file reports. They don’t prosecute.

So what do they do? Drag their partner through the mud of the court of public opinion on whatever social websites you have profiles on.

Which brings me to…

Why are you using the concept of the safe word as a weapon against your own partner?
If your partner is such an enemy and you cannot trust them to communicate when something is amiss, why the fuck are you with that person in the first damn place?

————-
TylerRose. is known as Dame Tyler in the NYC public SM/Fetish scene. She is an award-winning author who has written four “lifestyle”, four cartoon, and over 30 fiction books.

Read her books on her Amazon page — https://www.amazon.com/TylerRose./e/B00HCPLSP2

You can also find more of her OP/ED work in Fetlife: https://fetlife.com/users/305828

FB Fan Page — https://www.facebook.com/TylerRoseGethis/

Twitter — https://twitter.com/DameTyler or @DameTyler

She enjoys crocheting and baking, and will no doubt die with a thesaurus open on her thigh.

5 Things a Love of BDSM Says about Your Relationship

September 29, 2021 By Davis 2 Comments

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BDSM is slowly gaining popularity, both among the young and old. But did you know that BDSM sex preferences speak volumes concerning your relationship? Check this out.

Bondage, Discipline, Domination, Submission, Sadism, & Masochism.

Couples are getting kinkier in 2021 and exploring sex preferences that would be considered taboo back in the good old days. We’ve covered so much about BDSM in other articles, but it appears as though we need a little bit more social proof.

A lot of couples fear getting their hands on BDSM. Some even dread the thought of breaching such a topic with their lovers. That says a lot about the kind of communication you have with your partner. For a long time, scientists and researchers have viewed BDSM participants as pathological, perverts, or abused victims who lack control. But that could not be further from the truth. Research now shows plenty of benefits of BDSM sex preferences as well as an increase in the practices. Moreover, those who engage appear to have their lives ‘in order’ and are not ‘disturbed.’

If anything, more husbands are willing to lose control of their wives and submit to each other’s desires. Indeed, more people are developing a keen interest in BDSM sex preferences, especially after popularizing Fifty Shades of Grey.

But wait, there is more. After consulting sex therapists and relationship experts from the best online dating sites, we found plenty of benefits to the health of your budding relationship. Here are a couple of expert thoughts on what different sex preferences say about you and your lover.

Buckle up; it’s about to get real bumpy.

1. Kinky Sex Preferences Portray Higher Levels of EQ

You’ll need a competitive level of IQ to survive in the marketplace. However, you may need all the EQ you can amass to keep your relationship going. Higher levels of emotional intelligence put you in a better position to handle other people’s frustrations better. BDSM sex preferences in relationships denote a ton of maturity in handling your relations.

2. The Audacity to Explore

Marriage counselors often have to deal with this issue – “she is not attractive anymore,” or “he does not satisfy me as he used to.”

Familiarity has a way of breeding contempt even among the closest of lovers. Routine becomes boring since it brings familiarity. Some couples explore sex preferences based on zodiac signs, while others try something different each week. BDSM shows you’re bold enough to explore the bounds of your horizon. Remember the basic rules if you’re new to BDSM sex preferences.

3. Open Channels of Communication

BDSM is all about losing one’s self to another. It entails submission and domination, all of which are hard elements in day-to-day life. We always want to control everything, from our finances to our health, family, social lives, and everything. Losing control becomes a new feeling for a lot of couples. Communicating that and going the extra mile to set boundaries is even more challenging. But partners who have gone the extra mile often find it easier to resolve other difficulties in their relationships once they explore unconventional sex preferences.

4. You Don’t Give a Darn What Others Say

Your sex preferences speak volumes about how you relate with your spouse and how you connect with the outside world. More conservative people are less likely to explore untypical sex preferences for fear of society’s perception. But such worries are rational at times.

Sex in ancient times was used ritualistically in most religions. We can get hints of how the ancients prized and valued sex from written scripts such as Kamasutra. The Ancient Greek culture probably borrowed BDSM sex practices from the Eastern Mesopotamian Empire. Mesopotamians embraced BDSM and temple sex with goddess Inanna as their justification. They believed such techniques would invoke the goddess of fertility and rebirth. These sex preferences would be followed by sacrificial worship and indulgence in orgies.

In the 21^stсentury, we still practice the same sex preferences more openly, but without the typical ritualistic sacrifices. From that short history, anything deviating from the vanilla couples type of sex has been viewed as ‘odd’ and, at times, a perversion.

Going outside the traditional view of sex preferences portrays boldness and a profound level of intimacy not defined by ‘others.’

That makes us curious, what are your sex preferences? Do let us know in the comment section below.

5. You are Fond of Creativity

Open-mindedness is a fundamental feature for most BDSM couples. Vanilla couples who explore BDSM sex preferences are generally creative. They invent new ways of doing things and get bored with repetition. BDSM can be pretty intimidating to a partner who is content with the usual. That’s why it’s imperative to understand just how much both of you are willing to do in the name of ‘creativity.’

Concluding Remarks

BDSM is more or less similar to saying, “I do!” This kind of consent requires deliberate premeditation about the risks and the intensity of BDSM. You may enjoy a little bit of pain, but that may be a turn-off to your partner. Have genuine communications upfront and research the limits of these sex preferences. We recommend that couples develop a sex preferences questionnaire to understand each other’s fantasies better.

That said, are you ready to experiment outside reality with BDSM sexual preferences?

Davis is a marriage and family therapist. She has worked in a variety of therapeutic settings over the past 7 years providing services to children, adults, families, and couples. She is currently doing specific research on the topic. Miranda loves traveling and hiking.

BDSM Safety Tips

September 23, 2021 By Baadmaster 2 Comments

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Ordinarily, I would throw this question into the cylindrical file from whence it came. It – or some version thereof – had been answered many times before on kinkweekly. But with the year off due to Covid, and generally less play spaces to keep you at the top of your game, I thought it prudent to take another stab at a safety question. After all, in this new reality, you can never been too careful. I might add, from personal experience, that when I returned to play I forgot aftercare – something would never have done pre-pandemic. And so, the following question.

Reader: Recently, my online kink group has been discussing what to do if something goes wrong or a pre-condition manifests itself during a scene. This kind of safety concern is beyond the usual. So how can you prepare for every eventuality? (My adding: especially in this corona virus era.)

To start, a disclaimer: “It is impossible to prepare for every eventuality.” If I could do this, I would be working for the President eliminating Covid immediately. But seriously…regarding medical pre-conditions — there isn’t a list specifically geared to BDSM that you could read and sign before you entered a play space. Even if there were, who would want to feel like they were visiting a dentist and filling out the medical questionnaire? (Are you allergic to penicillin?) But I think an over-arching question – “you don’t have a heart condition or asthma?” – might open a productive dialogue between first-time players. Thus one should be aware of any pre-conditions that could be a threat. With Covid lurking around, one should at least take your partner’s temperature prior to play. Being vaccinated – no matter what your views on vaccines – is not enough when it comes to dungeon play with many people around. So buy a ten dollar thermometer and put it in your toy bag. We do not know how flogging – for example – affects the virus; just be vigilant and if you see the bottom breaking out in a cold sweat it is time to stop play and take his/her temperature again.

Now onto safe words. Although “safe words are not the end-all and be-all to safety,” they are definitely better than anything that comes in second. The trick to using safe words effectively (and this seemingly obvious bit of advice might be extremely valuable to you). Although the standard safe word is “red,” many people try to pick out their own personal safe word. The “New Guard” wants style. “Paga”” might be a cool safe word for Goreans, but when panic time sets in and the mind starts spinning, these words might not be at the tip of the tongue. “Red” works for stop signs. “Red” works for scenes. Forget using trendy new safe words. Use “red.”

I also advocate the use of a safe signal. When you use a ball gag in a scene, the bottom –unless he/she is a ventriloquist — cannot give a safe word. So agree on a safe signal based on what type of scene you are doing. A great one is a shaking of the head continuously left to right — like a “no” signal. This is unmistakable, and does not require the hands, which might be bound. Between safe words and safe signals, you have increased safety a hundred fold.

Most BDSM writers always talk about a “safe call.” In this case the old expression – “after all is said and done, more is said than done” — is applicable. Most people never use the safe call procedure. But if used properly, safe calls are really good tools – especially when you play for the first time with someone you hardly know. In this age of the cell phone, it is really easy to have someone waiting for your call to see if all is well – and to arrange for any contingency plans should help be required.

Another safety key is…not playing with unsafe players! Sometimes there are players who have gained a reputation for being unsafe; most times these reputations — if they are widespread and repeated by respected members of the community — have some basis in fact. Stay away. But there are other red flags. When playing for the first time, a big red flag is when the Top says, “I never allow a safe word.” They might rationalize it by saying something like, “I am into TPE and do not believe in safe words.” Well, many in TPE relationships do eschew the safe word. But this only happens after a relationship is established; eliminating the safe word is generally negotiated after playing for awhile. Anyone who says “no safe words” right out of the box really hasn’t got a clue.

As for the scene itself, the oft-repeated advice of planning a scene in advance will add to the safety of it. Some scenes are pretty safe in and of themselves — an interrogation scene, for example. Others — such as mummification or breath play — are much more dangerous. Make sure the skill level of the Dominant (as he/she is in control) matches the danger quotient (D.Q.) of the scene being attempted. And though much of what I outlined here has been discussed before, there is nothing wrong in stating the obvious if it can save you a trip to the hospital. Remember, “Safety isn’t everything, it’s the only thing!”

Fantasy vs. Reality-Heavy and Experimental Play

September 23, 2021 By TAC 2 Comments

hot Domme in leather — via stock.adobe.com

YIPEEEE!!!!! We made it into the room where all the fun stuff begins and there is SO MUCH OF IT!!!!!

I get it, I was there too once upon a time. The possibilities SEEM endless and for most folks imaginations, they are. Emphasis on imagination. It is fun to think of all the kinky scenes we can design or be a part of. Why not stretch our imagination? I do for sure!

Imagination, fantasy, is not a problem. It spurs us to be more creative, think of new and exciting ways to turn each other into pretzels, and is just plain HAWT!

Where the issues begin is not matching our fantasies, with reality. Or more accurately not being able to distinguish between the two. Some people want to implement play that would be highly dangerous even for the most experienced players. I believe this comes mostly from a place of naivete. Where they have not learned enough to even ask the right questions yet……. and/or perhaps a bit of frenzy mixed in. Yes, frenzy happens to tops also. Then there are the nutters like me.

Whatever category you fall into, dreams have their place, but they can also be dangerous if taken too far. How do we distinguish between those fantasies and reality? A cool idea vs. an actionable scene.

The First Stop Sign

Safe, Sane, and Consensual (SSC) has been part of kink culture since the 80’s, Risk Aware Consensual Kink (RACK) the 90’s, and more recently Personal Responsibility Informed Consensual Kink (PRICK…. No not that one…. eyes front).

Consent, being the commonality in all three.

We may have this amazing idea for a new predicament bondage rig using a wagon wheel and a charged firehose; a suspension involving two bull elephants and an East Indian Mahout; or better yet melting overhead blocks of ice containing daggers that drip icy cold droplets on our slave in between the thunks of many Gerber Mark IIs burying themselves in the plywood beside them one after another as the warm breeze from my heat gun melts it all away. None of that matters if someone is not willing to say yes.

We can dream all we like, but if multiple people are saying no, and even hell no; perhaps our image of using 300-pound sheets of sugar glass to sandwich our submissive over an ant hill may not be such a brilliant idea. (I originally wrote “hot” instead of brilliant, but the hot sun is part of the scene so…. yeah there’s that.)

One last note on consent and heavy/experimental play. If the particular scene is going to happen in a place we do not personally own, we should run it by the owners of the venue first. There is not much worse than the fantasy finally coming to fruition and having a giant pile of, “NOPE!,” dropped on it by a DM or the owners themselves mid-scene. Get their consent and rig your play area accordingly to prevent interruptions.

The Second Stop Sign

Feasible. Has what we want to attempt been done before and by whom? (I saw Cirque De Soleil do it!)

What skills does it take to pull it off?

Sure, as evidenced above I can come up with some off-the-wall shenanigans. If I have not developed the associated skills to do it reasonably safely then attempting the feat would be pointless. Like racing the 24 Hours at Le Mans in a Prius. Of course, what is within reason for one person, will not be the same for someone else.

I know most of what we do is not “safe,” really, I do. But having the skills to do what we are conjuring up, matters if we are planning on attempting it. Especially when it comes to preventing bad things from happening, and everybody having a good time.

I am not a fan of seriously damaging people or prison, and hopefully you are not either. So winging it….probably not a good plan.

Yet Another Red Octagon bearing, “ALTO!”

Risks involving heavy/experimental play. What are they and can we mitigate them? If something does go badly, we want the negative impact to be as minimal as possible to all involved.

How can we alter our idea or put protective measures in place to lessen risks? Often that comes down to our creativity and getting help. Other folks in kink can help us identify what we need to do in order to create a better outcome. USE THEM! I do. If I come up with some crazy hairbrained scheme one of the first things I do is run it by someone else. They tell me I’m nuts and to go fuck myself….. then we have a lengthy conversation involving a lot of what ifs.

For the risks involved, do I have the skill to respond to the corresponding injuries or issues that may arise? Can I learn them? If not is there someone who can be present who does? We do not always have to be the person who knows and can do everything. However, where we have gaps, it helps to have people present who know the things we do not.

Once you’ve assessed the risks, and talked them over with your bottom, there needs to be a real gut check for all involved. Ask the question, “Is it worth the risk?” If both of you say yes, then so be it. If one of you hesitates or says no….. it’s probably time to go back to the drawing board. (I find crayons helpful…. the colors keep things organized. And besides, who doesn’t like crayons?)

The Consequences

After all the planning, risk mitigation, negotiations, and discussions we must come to terms with the potential consequences. What are they and can we live with them if it does not go as planned?

Not always an easy question to answer but really, this part is no more complicated than that.

Answer the question honestly. It does no good to lie to ourselves.

Ways to Help Make our Outrageous Fantasies….Kinda Sorta Come True

Get Help – Aside from having the skill, a willing and knowledgeable bottom, and measures in place, one of the best resources we have for carrying out a new-fangled adventure is another well experienced top or bottom. Someone to help us plan and evaluate; a person who can be in the room/venue who is keeping tabs on our bottom, us, and the situation as a whole; a sounding board to help keep us in check. When we do new things which are risky (well riskier than our normal), we often cannot see the forest because of the trees. Having that additional set of eyes becomes invaluable.

Break it Down- If the whole of the idea does not work together, perhaps pieces and parts can work separately until we are confident enough to launch the whole rocket at once. Even NASA experiments in stages, one piece at a time. Practicing and becoming proficient in one element, then adding another gives us a methodical way to build skill and confidence. It may take a lot longer to get to the final goal, but chances are you will be more successful.

Change it Up- What if I changed my dagger scenario from real ones to fake ones? Or used a blindfold and replaced the ice blocks with daggers my bottom observed being suspended with blocks containing golf ball sized rocks? We may not be able to do something exactly how we dreamt, but we can modify the thought into something more manageable. Let those creative juices out not just thinking of a new torture, but also solving the pending problems accompanying it.

Slight of Hand- Simulation, slight of hand, or any manner of tom foolery can help us get the effect we desire without doing exactly what we concocted whilst counting sheep and drooling on a pillow. We can set a scene one way, put a blind fold on our bottom and remove or modify the most dangerous elements. The fear/anticipation peak will likely still linger, even though we have mitigated some of the actual danger. (pssst….. mobile platforms, turn tables, and rotating walls are great for this….set two scenes one hidden and one not…. Then move your bottom accordingly 😊)

Just Dream- Some things, no matter how much we wish it, simply should not happen. That does not mean it’s gone forever; we can still talk about it. Maybe weave the fantasy into a hot dialogue during another activity to get our bottom all revved up. Tease them with the thought of it in the middle of the day via a text from work. Turn it into a hot erotic story the two of you take turns writing in a journal. Who knows, maybe they will help you game out something just as fun…. But much more doable.

To Dream the Impossible Dream

Dreams are not stupid. They are budding possibilities and have driven some of the most amazing advances mankind has ever seen. Sometimes though, they should stay where they were born, in our heads. Like the Hindenburg or Return of the Living Dead Part II. (No, you horror movie freaks….it really was that bad!)

Sometimes we just need to think about our dreams differently, like using Helium instead of Hydrogen. You were flexibly minded enough to come up with the original idea…. Keep thinking, all may not be lost.

Through all of it remember we need to consider consent, feasibility, skill, resources, risks, and the consequences. Really think things through. We want this to be a phenomenal experience which will not happen if one of our elephants walks away for want of a wrangler or we drop a wagon wheel on a bare foot.

Taking a long time to plan something may take the wind out of our sails sometimes. That’s not necessarily a bad thing. If it’s that hard to pull off, we probably are not ready for it, yet. Break out the crayons.

Like everything else we do in kink, there is a balance point where things just work. Maybe we’ll find it, maybe we won’t. But for certain we will learn something along the way while scheming out our latest kinky brain bonanza.

Keep dreaming……. Our wild ideas have a place in kink too.

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