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Kink Safety: Zoom & Telegram Precautions

March 26, 2021 By Christmas Bunny 2 Comments

handcuffs, sex on the bed
via stock.adobe.com

Even as some states are lifting lockdown restrictions, there are some digital aspects of the pandemic I hope stick around. Telegram has been an awesome way to connect my local community, and this time has spawned a web of chat rooms with a variety of subject focuses, as well as chats for various local groups to just talk about their day or discuss random kink topics.  Additionally, while there is no substitute for trying things in person, I have attended some truly excellent kink educational events via Zoom over the past year.  For classes ranging from consent and negotiations to first aid for BDSM, all the way to a class on face needles, the Zoom camera gave me access to a much better view of some of the up-close details I wasn’t often able to see when attending class in a dungeon.  Additionally, it has meant I could attend classes held in other communities with the click of a button, despite being hundreds of miles away. 

Unfortunately,  these new accounts and technological connections also give additional opportunities for kinksters to slip up and disclose more personal information than intended.  My goal is to help walk y’all through some small privacy precautions that will hopefully keep you from flashing full names to the kink world at large.

I often see newcomers join Telegram making a couple of key mistakes.  The first is using their name rather than choosing a screen name.  The “name” option is your display name, not the @tag people will use to search you.  If you plan to use it for vanilla purposes, you can choose something innocuous.  If not, I suggest disabling search functions so contacts in your phone who are already users of Telegram or who join later won’t run across your kinky self chatting up a storm. 

So here’s how.  Under settings, go to the “privacy and security” tab.  Under phone number, check “Nobody”  can see you and only people you add to Telegram as contacts can search you that way.  Under the main tab, turn off the function to sync contacts from your phone, as well as the one to suggest frequent contacts.  I also advise selecting the option to delete already synced contacts if it has done this without you realizing it.  For phones, you can edit your display name by clicking the three dots on an Android phone.  Choose a display name that isn’t your vanilla first and last name.  As an additional suggestion, consider listing your preferred pronouns.

For Zoom, prior to joining a meeting, make sure any identifying information you don’t want to share is edited first.  To change your display name from your full legal name, go to the “My Account” tab.  Click on “edit” and change your name.  IMPORTANT:  Don’t forget to change it back.  My family knows what I do for a living and wouldn’t blink an eye if I joined a chat as Christmas bunny, but if my fet name were 69slutpuddle69, I suspect my family might have something to say.  My employer might have even more to say. 

Alternatively, have a separate kink email address and Zoom account that you log into for kink events.  Again, don’t forget to log out, or just make sure not to click the check box asking if you want to stay logged in.  It requires thought and consideration to protect yourself digitally.  While mistakes can happen, it is important to be deliberate and careful if you want to avoid accidentally outing yourself.

When I host Zoom events for kinksters, I always watch the waiting room tab so that if someone forgets, I can edit their name for them to an innocuous first initial.  You can usually edit your own name during a Zoom meeting my clicking on the three options dots on the right hand corner of your own video screen, or through the participants window when it is pulled up.

Unfortunately, not everyone who hosts a meeting will have experience doing so, and the delay in response time means more minutes passing with your full name exposed to people you didn’t intend to share that with. 

Please, please, please take the time to learn how to be safer online, whether or not these digital mediums continue to flourish in the future.


Christmas bunny has been exploring kink since she was legal to do so. Her serious writing started in college, where she accidently got some of her papers published in educational journals. She has recently expanded her writing to include her kink journey. She began writing in the physical realm, but shed some of her inhibitions and began sharing those entries with others. She now keeps an active blog of her personal growth and her relationship with her Master / Daddy Dominant and writes helpful educational posts on a variety of subjects.

Tagged With: bdsm, bdsm community, bdsm safety, bdsm scene, boundaries, consensual, consent, fetish, gender identity, hard limits, negotiations, pronouns, safety consent, sex, sexual safety, soft limits

This week in kink news: March 29, 2021

March 26, 2021 By Dexx 2 Comments

India gets its first legal sex shop!

Click below to learn more from Outlook!

In Pics: India Gets Its First Legal Sex Toy Store in Goa
Launched last month, Kama Gizmos has become India’s first official brick-and-mortar sex shop
https://www.outlookindia.com/

Pastry chef turned Dominatrix?

Click below to find out more of her story with Daily Star!

Dominatrix helps clients to ‘explore kinks’ – from toys to toenail consumption
A pastry chef who quit her 9-5 job to become a professional dominatrix admits that working in the sex industry is hard, but the benefits of cash and sex make up for it
Dailystar.co.uk | Sophie Foster

It’s so imperative that people know the difference between BDSM and abuse. The two are quite different.

BDSM always involves consent. Abuse involves unwanted, non-consensual behavior.

Click below to read more from The Conversation!

When does BDSM cross the line into abuse and slavery?
It's important for those who engage in BDSM to be aware of the distinction between harmless kink and violence. But it's also important for BDSM not to be considered a de facto abusive practice.
The Conversation | Jarryd Bartle

Have some kinky news to share? Tell us about any upcoming BDSM events, new products, dungeon openings / closings, kink in mainstream media, and anything else you think kinky folks might be interested to hear about. Send your tips through to kinkweekly@gmail.com, and it might just end up on next week’s “This Week in Kink.”

Tagged With: bdsm, bdsm community, bdsm play, bdsm scene, bdsm toys, boundaries, consensual, consent, dominatrix, fetish, hard limits, kink, kinky toys, negotiations, sex toys, Sex Work Community, sex worker rights, sex workers, sexual fantasy, sexual safety, soft limits

This week in kink: January 18, 2021

January 17, 2021 By Dexx 2 Comments

This week Shireen Khalil writes about Sherry Lever, a 69 year old, thriving Dominatrix.

It’s true that age is just a number!

Click below to read more of Sherry’s riveting story!

UK grandmother shares inside look at life as a 69yo dominatrix after divorce – NZ Herald
She was once a chef, but when her husband left her she embarked on a racy, new career.
NZ Herald

BDSM has gotten more exposure over the years.

Whether you like the show or not, the Netflix show, Bonding is bringing BDSM and sex work more into the public eye.

With this being said, Showbiz CheatSheet, exposes the inner workings of this series.

Click below to find out more!

‘Bonding’: A Look at the True Story Behind Netflix’s Dominatrix Comedy

yahoo lifestyle! reports that BDSM is the most popular kink with folks over 60.

BDSM is definitely not reserved for the youngsters! Anyone and everyone is welcome!

Click below to read more about these intriguing findings!

BDSM the most popular kink amongst over 60s, study claims
A new study has delved into the sex lies of the over 60’s and some of the results may surprise you.
au.lifestyle.yahoo.com

Have some kinky news to share? Tell us about any upcoming BDSM events, new products, dungeon openings / closings, kink in mainstream media, and anything else you think kinky folks might be interested to hear about. Send your tips through to kinkweekly@gmail.com, and it might just end up on next week’s “This Week in Kink.”

Tagged With: bdsm, bdsm play, bdsm relationship, bdsm scene, consensual, consent, fetish, masochism, sadism, sado-masochist, sadomasochism, sex, Sex Work Community, sex worker rights, sex workers, sexual fantasy, sexual safety

Consensual Non-Consent In BDSM/Kink

December 27, 2020 By PirateStan 4 Comments

male sub bound
via stock.adobe.com

Webster’s defines “oxymoron” as “a combination of contradictory or incongruous words”. Examples include such things as original copy, freezer burn, genuine fake, quiet roar, controlled chaos, silent scream, terribly good, passive aggressive, random order, and jumbo shrimp (some would put military intelligence in there as well).

And then there’s “nonconsenual consent”. What the hell does that mean? isn’t it dangerous? How can that possibly be safe, sane, and… ehrrr… consensual?

The simplest answer is that nonconsensual consent is, essentially, rape play (another oxymoron). It’s where you and a partner engage in a scene that mimics a sexual assault… within the parameters you both set.

Now let’s set this out at the beginning; this is a potentially dangerous and dark corner of BDSM that isn’t for everyone and, even for those it is, shouldn’t be entered into lightly. It’s been my experience that many gals who claim they’re looking for rape play have actually been raped; engaging in a controlled, pretend form of it could well be cathartic, or it could be horribly disastrous.

It’s certainly advanced play and definitely a deep end you shouldn’t jump into during your learning period of the scene. It also requires (typically long-term) partners who understand and intuit each other very well, as often the scene will go beyond simple negotiations, into areas and feelings you may not have been able to initially comprehend.

All parties involved need to have a deep understanding and comprehension of, and be very good at “reading”, each other. This is particularly important for the top (the rape-er) with regards to the bottom (the rape-ee). 

You really can’t engage in too much preparation, as nonsensual consent isn’t something to be entered into lightly. If a scene goes south it can get very ugly very quickly. It’s not like hitting someone in the wrong spot; this can leave seriously psychological damage if done improperly.

Not that this sort of scene necessarily involve only two people. Indeed, if the bottom wants to be truly physically subdued while they’re fighting back, then at least two tops need to be involved.

It’s important to discuss ahead of time what each of you is hoping to achieve from the scene, emotionally and physically. And it’s perhaps even more important to have a safe word or gesture in place should things get too intense. Because it’s been my experience that they can become very, very intense.

Also, since roughly 70-80% of women have actually been raped to some degree, it’s vitally important to be aware of any triggers which may be present, and avoid them at all costs.

And this brings us to the rules, of which there aren’t any, at least ones that are set in stone. Some won’t want their face slapped, others will. Some won’t want a knife involved, others will want to be cut. Some won’t want physical violence, others will relish the pain and resulting bruises. 

Then there’s what the top is looking for. Some will enjoy physically restraining someone who’s fighting back, others won’t. Some will want a bottom who’s fighting back, others will want a more passive victim. Some will enjoy name calling, others will prefer to be more genteel (at least as genteel as a pretend-rapist can be I suppose).

As mentioned, scenes can be as simple as a one-on-one between two partners, all the way to a full-on abduction, where the bottom is grabbed off the street, trussed up in a filthy van, and dragged away to an unknown location to have who-knows-what done to them (said who-knows-what having been negotiated ahead of time).

It should be added that the latter sort of scene requires a tremendous amount of planning with skilled, experienced tops. At its most basic level, you don’t want to be seen abducting someone in broad daylight, as most citizens will tend to dial 911. And explaining things to the police will harsh your buzz pretty quick. 

Myself, I’ve only engaged in this sort of scene a handful of times, having found that it’s an itch that can be scratched relatively easily. Still, they were all very intense and satisfying, for both parties involved. They all tended to be of a type, one of which I can share as an example.

The victim, a gal I had been intimate with for some small time, agreed to be wrapped securely and inescapably in large amounts of duct tape, over clothing which was no longer terribly viable; indeed, it needed to be tossed out. Since neither of us cared for the wrestle-someone-into-bondage scenario, we agreed that she’d wake up already bound and gagged.

Enter myself, the villian. Armed only with a pair of scissors I was to cut her clothing off such that she’d be sexually available while still keeping her securely bound & gagged. And this I did do with great gusto. I took special pains to ensure that when I grabbed her shirt and bra to cut them off, I also grabbed her nipple by “accident” and pretended I was going to cut it off as well. She later admitted that she’d almost safe worded here, she was so terrified.

She, of course, fought back as best she could, but I’d tied her so she couldn’t engage in very much of that. Still, a lot of wrestling was involved; we both got pretty good workouts. There wasn’t much clothing left that wasn’t attached to duct tape.

In the end I cut off enough of her pants and undies such that I had full availability of her lady parts which, unlike in an actual rape, were extremely well lubricated. For the record, it is entirely possible to enter a lady whose legs are tied if you pull her knees towards her chest and come in from behind. 

After, releasing her took very little time, as duct tape is easy to cut off, and it was mostly attached to her clothing. We had both found it very satisfying, if exhausting.

Of course, what tripped our triggers may leave you cold. Only you and a willing partner(s) can decide what you’re looking for, if this is even something you’re interested in. I certainly don’t recommend it for everyone and it shouldn’t necessarily be on your kinky bucket list.

Still, if it’s something you might find intriguing, find a partner, do your research, get to know each other, and perhaps give it a go. But be careful! This is not the sort of scene that is terriby forgiving should things go south.


PirateStan has been involved in his local BDSM community since 2007, after having had a lifelong inclination towards it. He currently lives a contented life in Southeastern Virginia with his girl, zeirah, while working by day for a Major Metropolitan Publication. 

Tagged With: bdsm, bdsm play, bdsm relationship, bdsm scene, consensual, consent, contracts, dominant, non-consensual, nontraditional relationships, power dynamic, power exchange, submissive

This week in kink: November 30, 2020

November 28, 2020 By Dexx 2 Comments

We at Kink Weekly believe everything should ALWAYS be consensual including the sharing of intimate images.

In Ireland, Justice Minister Helen McEntee seeks to crimininalise the non-consensual sharing of such images often referred to as revenge porn.

She is specifically trying to enact the Harassment, Harmful Communications and Related Offences Bill, which hopefully would help reduce this non-consensual behavior.

Click below to read more from UT news!

Justice Minister Seeks to Ban Non-Consensual Sharing of Intimate Images

During the pandemic, sex workers have had to find new avenues to keep their businesses running.

Because of this, erotica humiliation and financial domination have soared on Tik Tok. These submissive clients are often referred to as “pay pigs.”

Click below to read more about this from I-D!

Meet the findom goddesses making bank from "pay pigs" on TikTok
Erotic humiliation has found a new home on your FYP, and humiliatrixes are using the app to make a living in the midst of a global economic crisis.
I-d

In need of a new podcast?

Then, check out From Tops To Bottoms that explores feminism, BDSM, sexuality, and so much more!

On this show, the hosts share their personal experiences to give listeners a better understanding of such broad, often misunderstood/misrepresented topics.

Click below to read more from thebeijinger!

Date Night China: From Tops to Bottoms is a New Podcast About Sexuality
Looking for a new podcast to get into while waiting for Season 2 of Date Night China's Podcast?
www.thebeijinger.com

Have some kinky news to share? Tell us about any upcoming BDSM events, new products, dungeon openings / closings, kink in mainstream media, and anything else you think kinky folks might be interested to hear about. Send your tips through to kinkweekly@gmail.com, and it might just end up on next week’s “This Week in Kink.”

Tagged With: bdsm, consensual, femdom, feminism, fetish, financial domination, humiliation play, kink, paypigs, power exchange, queer, sex, Sex Work Community, sex worker rights, sex workers, sexual safety, sexuality

Video: Learn To Dominate

November 7, 2020 By Depraved Eros 2 Comments

Want to know more about Impact Play?

Interested in honing your domination skills?

Curious about Topping?

Then, check out this informative video by Depraved Eros!

This week he gives a practical step by step guide on impact and the art of Domination!

Click below to learn more!

BDSM Dragons Tail Whips, Practical Demo - Learn To Dominate

Tagged With: bdsm, canes, consensual, dominant, domme, femdom, fetish, flogging, impact play, kink, power exchange, submissive, whips

Video: Consensual Humiliation Play

November 1, 2020 By Kinky Assignments 3 Comments

Interested in humiliation play?

Want to know more about how to do this kind of play ethically and consensually?

Then, tune into this informative video that will give you all kinds of great humiliation play ideas and advice!

Humiliating a submissive (BDSM, degradation kink) including humiliation ideas! Submissive training

Tagged With: bdsm, bottom, consensual, degradation, dominant, fetish, humiliation play, kink, power exchange, sex, submissive, Top

Video: BDSM Fear Play

September 5, 2020 By Depraved Eros 3 Comments

BDSM Fear Play, Its All In The Mind

A lot of what drives BDSM is mental and emotional.

This week Depraved Eros gives us some insight into the exciting world of CONSENSUAL Fear Play along with some DIY tips.

This video is great for novices and veterans alike. With most dungeons closed at this time, the mental component of kink is becoming more important than ever.

Don’t miss this enticing video!

Tagged With: bdsm, bottom, consensual, consent, fear play, fetish, head space, kink, mindfuck, power exchange, sex, sexual fantasy, submissive, subspace, Top

This week in kink: August 10, 2020

August 8, 2020 By Dexx Leave a Comment

Berlin’s S&M workers win court case arguing that dungeons and erotic massage parlors pose no more of a health risk than tattoo shops or salons.

The city had originally roped the above in with brothels, but was proven incorrect during this hearing.

Click below to read more about this interesting case!

Berlin’s S&M workers win stinging court victory over city officials
Health risk from reopening BDSM studios ‘no different’ to tattoo parlours or hairdressers
The Irish Times

Don’t miss Mistress Eva’s online BDSM storytime videos. She posts everything from fisting to foot fetish tales to humiliation and so much more!

Click here to be directed to her Twitter page

Eva Oh Adds New 'BDSM Storytime' Videos to Fan Site
Dominatrix Eva Oh (aka Mistress Eva) has added several new “BDSM Storytime” videos to her PleaseMeLive.com social fan site.
XBIZ | XBIZ

Amnesty International, a UK human rights organization, turns in a new draft stating that any kind of non-consensual sex should be considered rape whereas before rape was considered sex involving force.

In our opinion at Kink Weekly, we agree that rape is any kind of sex that is non-consensual and should NOT have to involve force to be considered rape.

Consent is the key when defining rape and abuse.

BDSM can involve consensual force and should NOT be considered rape or abuse at all as long as consent is involved.

Go Amnesty Inernational!

Amnesty slates new ‘non-consensual sex’ category: ‘no hierarchy in rape cases’

Have some kinky news to share? Tell us about any upcoming BDSM events, new products, dungeon openings / closings, kink in mainstream media, and anything else you think kinky folks might be interested to hear about. Send your tips through to kinkweekly@gmail.com, and it might just end up on next week’s “This Week in Kink.”

Tagged With: bdsm, consensual, dominatrix, dungeons, rape, sex, sex workers, victim

Video: Negotiating Boundaries & Limits In D/s Relationships

August 3, 2020 By DesiresLaidBare 2 Comments

In this video, Veronica Yahns steps through the five areas you should talk through when negotiating a D/s relationship with your partner.

“So, you’ve talked to your partner and they’ve said ‘yes’ to exploring a Dominant / submissive relationship dynamic with you. Hooray! But… what now?”

Find the answer to this and much more in this helpful video!

Tagged With: boundaries, consensual, consent, d/s relationship, limits, negotiation

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