submissive headspace

Why Excellent Submission Can Be Remarkably Illusive

November 10, 2021 By Ms. Rika Leave a Comment

Shibari male submissive bound — via stock.adobe.com

I hope you have been enjoying Rika’s Lair, my monthly column dedicated to thoughts and experiences regarding power dynamics in Service-Oriented D/s relationships. Look up “Ms. Rika” in the search box for links to all of my articles in KinkWeekly!

A few weeks ago, I was talking to a submissive online (not my submissive) and we were discussing ways that he could help his wife feel more comfortable with being dominant. As with many “vanilla” people, the imagery of what “A Dominant is” was greatly influenced by media, her husband’s prior attempts to introduce BDSM to her, and probably porn. She had no interest in becoming that imagery.

We talked about changing the imagery, from the stereotypical image to something in which he would be serving her for the person she was – without her having to change who she is.

He suggested that he define his submission by “elevating his wife to be his queen”. He would “treat her like royalty and he would be her loyal subject.” She would be in control of everything in her kingdom and he would “obey her every wish”.

He thought I’d love this suggestion and tell him what a great idea it was and how well he grasped pure submission. Only I didn’t. Rather, I started questioning him about what his wife would like, what she really needs from him, and whether the imagery of the “Queen” would fulfill her. He was confused. He couldn’t understand why treating her like a queen would not constitute excellent submission.

I needed to help him understand what does constitute excellent submission – and why excellent submission can be remarkably illusive. I decided to make the point with a more obvious analogy: Pain – and then bring it home to his situation. Here’s how it went:

Let’s say that a guy really loves to be hurt. Perhaps he’s a true masochist and really does get off on the pain of pain, not just the idea of pain. He decides to serve a particular partner by accepting pain.

We agree that, if his partner does not like inflicting pain, but his partner chooses to do it – or he coerces his partner into doing it – “for him”, that it’s not going to be considered submission to that partner…they may still have some kinky fun, but it won’t be “submission”. Submission is FOR the dominant.

But, let’s say that the partner REALLY loves to dole out pain. Perhaps the partner is a true sadist. In this situation, the man’s intent to serve this partner, and his intent to serve himself completely overlap. This is the perfect storm of sorts and is, unfortunately, kind of rare. But let’s say that’s where we are.

In this situation it will be VERY DIFFICULT to determine if his actions are truly “submission” or not, because his intent will be difficult to ascertain. Without the intent to fulfill the dominant, the sub’s actions become self-serving. In some ways, we can say, “who cares – both partners are being fully satiated by the activities”, right? Well…not really.

Even in this situation, his real intent will show itself when/if his desires and the partner’s desires begin to differ, either in intensity or composition. Pain is a broad category, so their differences will eventually show. If this guy is really submissive, he will need to adapt to conform to his partner’s preferences (assuming he can). There could be, of course, compromise…which, if BOTH partners feel serves them fully, would be submission. But, if he tries to force the partner into doing “pain” his way, it will be manipulation and he will not be acting like a submissive.

He understood. So, then we took it back to his example: The man wants to serve his wife and elevate her “to be his queen”. The same scenarios apply:

Does the wife WANT to be the queen, make all decisions, rule the kingdom and have a servant who will obey her every order? Some might, but if not, then making her his queen would certainly be for him – but would not be submission. It can’t be submission unless SHE feels it serves her.

If the wife feels served by being “the queen” and receives that from a position of dominance, then certainly, his elevating her to that position in his life would be an act of submission…just as the sadist and masochist hit the perfect storm.

However, what if the wife wants to be the queen, but defines being “the queen” differently than he does? Just like the masochist and sadist, how he adapts will determine his submissiveness. Is he going to adapt his definition to cater to her preferences as the definition of his submission – perhaps appealing to their underlying relationship level to compromise for some, or all, of the rest – or is he going to manipulate her into assuming his definition of “queendom”?

This will determine how “submissive” he is.

Excellent service is hard to do. Subs who can develop and maintain that level of focus and dedication are worth their weight in gold.

Ms. Rika is a lifestyle dominant, educator, and author; living in the suburbs of NYC with her husband/slave. She has written several popular books on her approach to adding Dominant-Centric, Service-Oriented D/s to relationships. You can find her books (in both print and eBook formats) at Lulu.com (http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/msrika), or at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, the iStore, Books-A Million, Kobo.com, or anywhere books are sold. Search for “Ms. Rika”. Write to me at Ms_Rika@hotmail.com

What Happened Last Week

October 20, 2021 By Ms. Rika 2 Comments

Domme holding cock cage — via stock.adobe.com

This week, I decided to share a true story. I often get asked what life is like for my submissive hubby. I’ve talked about his birthday celebrations in the past…days dedicated to tweaking his fantasies for him. But the following happened last week, which is kind of normal for us, and I thought I’d write it down in prose form for my readers.

NOTE: I run the risk of hokey dialog, but I don’t know any other way of depicting what happened. The exact words might not be these, but they do capture the gist – forgive me if it ends up reading like a letter to Penthouse:

I told him to kneel, and he dropped immediately.

I didn’t find his compliance surprising. It was rather expected; the result of 15 days of edging and denial. He was surely aching, although he never would complain. But when I “accidentally” allowed my hand to brush his crotch, his involuntary gasp and sigh gave him away. I could almost see his knees buckle. I figured I might as well help him out.

I knew he was almost at the point of losing reason. I was stretching his self-control – testing his will to remain obedient. Desperation is a regular state of mind for him, so I knew his resolve would win out. Still, this was the perfect time to tighten the noose, so he was going to need to experience how well I understood the condition I was cultivating in him.

To increase desperation, make the sub talk.

“Tell me what you want”, I looked down at him and he averted my gaze. I put my index finger under his chin and lifted his face so I could stare deeply into his eyes. “Tell me what you want. I want to hear it from you”.

“I’d like to please you. Make you scream.”, he said. “Make you scream” is our “lingo” for oral sex. I knew that he was being “good” and making it about me – and I wasn’t going to let him get away with it.

“Is that all?”

“No Goddess. I’d also like to come…please” he closed his eyes.

“Please? Are you begging me?

“Yes, Goddess. Please”

I laughed a bit and played it up: “Do you call that begging? I don’t think you’re serious enough. Maybe you haven’t gone long enough. Maybe a couple of more weeks?” I knew he was truly desperate and that his brain was clearly unable to fathom reason. What a perfect time to make him panic!

“No please…please. I beg of you. I beg you to please let me come. I can’t take any more of this…I mean, I will if you want me to, but please don’t want me to!”

I turned sideways in front of him and lifted the bottom of my blouse from my pants. I watched as his eyes sunk into my backside, loving the sleek look of my leathers. I swear I saw him tremble.

“Kiss my ass while you beg. Maybe I’ll do what you ask!” – I actually do sometimes give him what he wants, so it wasn’t an empty possibility.

He fell into my body immediately. I felt his hands grab my hips and pull his face close to my ass. Then I felt desperate kisses, creating tiny circles on my ass cheeks, moving around until finally his face buried itself into the crack of my ass, pressing against the material of my pants.

I pushed him back. “Where is your discipline? Slow kisses…gently…around my entire ass”. He was going to have to control himself.

He struggled to calm down. When I let him go, I felt his lips press against the cheeks of my ass, giving soft gentle kisses in concentric circles.

“Don’t get my slacks wet!” Always making sure he stayed focused. Give him something else to think about – in this case, keeping his kisses dry. Leather…focus…More desperation.

“Oh…see? You CAN do it!”. I gave him some time to continue his efforts – testing to see if he’d tire. But he continued to gently kiss. I knew he was struggling to keep his composure – binding his own hands behind his back with his will. Exhibiting the self-discipline he knows I demand in hopes of gaining my favor.

As he continued to kiss, I popped my hip out to the side, giving him a nice “S-Curve” to look at. “Tell me what you want, slave”.

Between his kisses, he sputtered, “Please, please…oh God…please, please let me please you!”. He was regaining his rational mind. Trying to position his need in terms that would be about me, rather than his selfish needs. I decided to test that a bit more.

“Rub yourself”, I softly demanded. I heard him moan and shift and play with himself, careful not to break the rhythm of his kisses. “You want to make me come? I might let you do that for me. Would that make you happy?”

“Yes…yes. Please, Goddess. Please”.

I stepped away and slowly turned to face him.

“Look at you! On your knees, playing with yourself like a schoolboy! Don’t forget to play with your balls too…pull them down. Oh, You poor desperate thing. You ARE desperate, aren’t you?”

He was going to have to admit it out loud. His own words are so much more powerful for driving him into his subspace than any others.

“God yes! Please. I beg you! I’m desperate!” His rubbing increased tempo.

“And who made you desperate?”, I prompted his demise.

“You…you made me desperate”

“Me? You allow me to control you like that? Why?”

“Because it pleases you and I’m your slave.”

I chuckled. Then came that perfect moment.

“Please Goddess, may I please stop masturbating – I will come if I continue”

Music to my ears! As instructed, as trained: The “Please Stop Me From Orgasming” rule is always in effect. Even though he so badly wants to come, he exhibited perfect self-control. Rather than begging me to come, he is instructed to beg me NOT to let him…even at his own hand. Total control because it’s all in his mind.

“Yes, slave. You may stop”, I calmly responded.

He let go of himself and slumped forward, catching himself with his hand against the ground. “Thank you, Goddess”

I walked closer to him and straddled his head, squeezing it gently between my legs. “You’re welcome, my pet!” I heard him inhale. I let him stay there for a moment, knowing that the smell of my leather slacks would further drive his journey down. I stepped back.

“Kneel up – hands behind your head”

He assumed the position immediately, breathing heavily. A strand of precome stretched between the tip of his penis and the small puddle on the floor. He was clearly ripe and ready. Poor baby.

I walked over to the couch and motioned for him to crawl to me. I had him take my pants and underwear down while I played with his hair. I let him kiss my belly and slowly work his way down to my pubic bone.

I put my hand on his forehead and pushed it backwards so he was looking up to me. Our eyes locked. “What do you want?” I asked again.

“Oh God, please let me eat you!”, he was delirious, deliciously desperate and perfectly hard.

I sat back on the couch and let him get close to me. I put my legs over his shoulders and shifted upwards towards him.

“Take your time. Serve me well” I instructed.

He was talented at oral sex when I first met him, and has been a very attentive student through the years – a great combination. His only wish is to get as close to perfect for me as he can. I’m more than willing to help him, although I openly admit, there are times when he does things I can’t explain – but want again!

He gave me two orgasms: The first a slow, long, drawn out, warm-me-all-over come; the second far sharper and more sudden. It was all I could do to let him maintain connection when the second one crested.

I looked down at him. He was so content and yet, so wanting. His erection had not faded throughout. I wanted that inside of me.

“Put it in”, I directed. He quickly slid into me. I was so open and ready. He slumped down against my chest, kissing and nuzzling my neck as he thrust against me. We were hitting a rhythm and I could feel his desire. I love that animal drive.

He was getting close, I could feel him swelling inside of me. Then, dutifully, he offered his ultimate submission, yet again: “Please let me stop”, he groaned out.

I considered the moment while he hung on the edge – awaiting permission to not come; I just LOVE that irony. I let him stew for a moment, well-aware that I was playing with fire. I could feel him slow down, just a bit, holding himself just short of going too far, but not wanting to stop without permission. So dutiful a servant, even under such desperate conditions.

“OK…you can stop”, I “relented”.

I could feel him collapse inside. I watched as he delicately and carefully stopped all motion, allowed himself a moment to recompose, and then slowly and carefully, pull himself out.

“And?” I inquired.

“Thank you, Goddess”, he mustered, trying to sound as sincere as possible. I’m sure the word “Bitch” was on his tongue tip at that moment – so I gave him some leeway despite him seeming a bit insincere.

“You’re welcome, puppy!” I rubbed his hair as he slipped down to a low kneel. “You can finish me now”, I leaned back and pulled his head once again to my pussy. He ate me deep and hard, his desperation driving him beyond. “Oh…you serve me SO well, slave”, I gave him encouragement and recognition. He just moaned and delivered. It was heaven.

The final orgasm was another long and warm, full-body toe-curler. By the time we were done, I could tell that he was getting back into full sub-mode; no longer disappointed that he didn’t orgasm, but rather loving the fact that the steady ache in his groin was making his head so much more subby.

It was time to give him a treat – something that he loves that will help him firmly establish his sub space…just for him. For my sub, the best gifts have to do with my feet. I stood up next to him, stepped into a puddle of his precome so that it squished into my toes, and lifted them to his mouth so he could clean them. I repeated the process until all the puddles were just wet-spots. He dove into this task with enthusiasm and gratitude.

When he was done, I stood him up and gave him a big kiss. Then I told him that I was going to take a shower and that he should put on some shorts, run my water, and turn the towel-heater on. Then he could go make dinner.

He thanked me (quite sincerely) and went off to the bathroom.

As I readied myself for my shower, I considered how lucky I am to have such a diligent and devoted submissive. I know he feels lucky too. For him, there’s no telling how many days of this type of close-call T&D I will put him through. Sometimes I let him come right away – other times, this type of “scene” could last weeks. He never knows. Sometimes, I don’t even know until the moment comes.

Last week, he “suffered” for three more days of edging (a total of 18 days), before I finally allowed him to orgasm onto my feet (and eat it up). Then I gave him 10 minutes to recover and then it was a night of massage and service – right back “on the horse” – no slacking off, just because the desperation is gone.

This is our life together. We both couldn’t be happier. I’m glad to share a little episode!

How “Total” Power Exchange Is Manifested

October 13, 2021 By Dame TylerRose. 2 Comments

hot sexy Domme with whip, male submissive — via stock.adobe.com

There’s been a lot of yammering about the “total” part of total power exchange, and a lot of “whatabout” ism as people try to prove that total isn’t total at all.

People seem to think that the “total” in TPE means the dom is making every single decision every single minute of the day, and those decisions are all about the extremes of life and death matters. They seem to think decisions made must be to the detriment of the sub/slave half of the dynamic.

What they fail to see is that it also means the sub/slave is doing what the dom wants without having to constantly ask for a decision or be threatened with punishment. TPE requires obedience on the part of the sub/slave. If the sub/slave won’t obey, there is no power exchange. Disobedience/noncompliance is keeping control. Obedience/compliance gives control.

The dom/master/owner gives the rules and the sub/slave/property obeys them. That’s the power. It’s not about the teeniest little thing being dictated. It’s about doing things how the dom wants them to be without pitching a bitch about it every single time. It’s knowing “this” is what they want…and fulfilling their wishes.

You know he doesn’t like rye bread. So you don’t make his lunch with rye bread. Do you have to be told a thousand times that he doesn’t like rye bread? No. He told you once and you remember. You can buy it for yourself if you want, unless he decrees he doesn’t want it in the house. If he doesn’t want it in the house, don’t fucking buy it.

THAT is the T in TPE.

EW decided once that I was not to address anyone by any title. His decision was final. I abided by that decision regardless who didn’t like it. When there came a time that someone had earned my respect (Lon_RM, who I have come to regard as the father I wish I’d had) that I wanted to use the title in his name (MasterLon, at that point), I went to EW and explained. He agreed and the exception was made. The rule was NOT changed for anyone else.

It was EW’s decision to make the exception. There was another time when I had asked for an exception and he’d said no. I abided by that decision, whether I liked it or not. That is total power.

I asked EW to flog me long enough that I naturally fell asleep. He refused. I had to abide by that decision, because he would never relent and I was not to ask again. I had nothing to say about his decision. I was not given the luxury of an opinion on the matter. That is total power.

There was a night he’d forgotten his keys. He was already in Manhattan and did not have the time to travel half an hour back home and half an hour into work again. I had a full plate of food in front of me. A delicious corned beef supper. I had to put that supper in the fridge, get my shoes on, and take him his keys. There was no option for me to say “after I eat”. It had to be now because Master needed it NOW. There wasn’t a single second of complaint about it from me. This was my job as his sub: To do as he required. Period. He had that total power to command. An hour and a half later (because waiting for trains and walking blocks through neighborhood), I was back home and finally able to eat my supper at 9 o’clock at night.

Having “total” power also means having discretion over when to exert their will and when not to.

He knew he could insert his own ideas into my books. He could use that power if he wanted. He chose never to tell me what to write or how. He felt it would not be appropriate. That is discretion.

He could have told me what kinds of leather goods to make. He could have told me never to use skulls or upside down crosses if he wanted. He chose never to tell me what to make or how to make it. That is discretion. He did, however, greatly enjoy prototype day, and some of my innovations. He particularly liked the 3-sided, meatier handles.

He could have bent me over and fucked me during the most painful days of my period if he wanted. He chose mercy, and would sometimes jerk off onto my tits instead. All I had to do was kneel or sit there and hold my tits up. He chose not to cause me more pain and discomfort. He chose discretion.

There was a time we discussed a piercing or tattoo to mark me as his. Then he worked a season with the Freak Show from Coney Island hanging in Blood Manor. He came home one morning and declared that he would never get me pierced or tattooed. Ever. Didn’t matter if I wanted the piercing or tattoo. He had decided, and the matter was at his discretion in the first place. When the time came that I wanted a simple tattoo as research for a book, he allowed it because it was for my own reasons and not something marking me as his. When I asked, months later, if I could get it finished, he said no. I did not sneak out behind his back to get the tattoo finished. Because total power exchange.

He chose to allow me to learn to top others. He could have put a stop to it at any time. In the last couple years of our relationship, he let me go to spanking parties and receive. But there were rules for both. I could not touch the genitals of anyone. No one could touch my genitals. There was no kissing. No mouths touched me and my mouth touched no one. This was completely within his power to permit or refuse at any time, any party. Even if I was about to walk out the door, he could have told me to stay home and I would have had to obey. Because total…and at his discretion.

I didn’t ever intentionally disobey him on trivial things or for trivial reasons. He knew anything I did that was contrary to what he might have wanted was a “rock/hard place” moment and I made the best decision I could…in good faith.

Not once was his “power” diminished by any of his decisions. He chose when how to use his authority and exert himself…and chose when not. He made what he felt was the correct decision in the moment.

And I didn’t turn every decision into a battle in order to have my way. Pissing and moaning over every decision, undermining every decision or overriding them and doing whatever the fuck I wanted, would have undermined the entire TPE dynamic. It would not have been “total”.

TPE meant he decided and I abided. Period.

TylerRose. is known as Dame Tyler in the NYC public SM/Fetish scene. She is an award-winning author who has written four “lifestyle”, four cartoon, and twenty eight fiction books. She’s been doing this bdsm stuff for 34 years and lived TPE relationships for 31 years.

Read her books on her Amazon page — https://www.amazon.com/TylerRose./e/B00HCPLSP2

You can also find more of her OP/ED work in Fetlife: https://fetlife.com/users/305828

She enjoys crocheting, diamond painting, and baking, and will no doubt die with a thesaurus open on her thigh.

Punishment Is Always A Reward

September 23, 2021 By Ms. Rika 2 Comments

In previous articles, and within my books, I have alluded to this concept. I thought that this week, I’d focus in on it to highlight a very common misconception: That to make a punishment be effective for changing behavior in a D/s dynamic, it needs to be unpleasant enough for the submissive to encourage them to avoid the infraction. (Note: I am discussing actual punishment, not “Funishment” – scene time play in the form of punishments).

On the surface, this makes sense: If the person being punished hates the punishment, they will never want to experience it again – and will adjust their behavior to avoid it. If they fear the punishment, they won’t commit the infraction and the dominant will be happier, because they will not have to deal with the infraction again. You’ll often hear dominants talking about the severity of the punishment “matching the infraction”, and you will also hear that punishment needs to be swift and fitting.

All of this makes sense – until you consider the source of pleasure for a submissive. What thrills a submissive? What makes a submissive feel all subby inside? What washes a sub’s brain with Oxytocin and makes them feel so good about being a submissive?

In my discussions with submissives regarding things that “excite them most”, there is a common joy found in acknowledging (or having to acknowledge) their position in the relationship relative to their dominant. They LOVE to recognize that they are at the dominant’s beck and call – and at their whim.

They want to be helpless and dependent on the dominant. They want to feel the dominant’s authority. This was the root cause of excitement identified with of many fantasies, including: Bondage / suspension, Blackmail, Contracts, Humiliation, Chastity, Losing bets, etc. The idea that the submissive “has no choice but to comply” is ultra-alluring. It triggers sensations of fulfillment in people who are submissive.

So, let’s consider punishment. Who is allowed to punish someone? It must be someone with the authority to do so. Parents, teachers, wardens, governments – all with accepted authority to enforce rules. If you are being punished, you accept that punishment because you acknowledge and cede to the authority of the body punishing you — or you’d never allow it to happen.

Now, conflate the ideas: People only allow themselves to be punished by those with the recognized authority to do so – and submissives are excited by recognizing, or having to recognize, their relative position in the power dynamic and the authority of the dominant over them.

Therefore, I offer that this no way to punish a submissive without also rewarding them!

Furthermore, the more distasteful the punishment to the submissive, the greater the reward. Why? Because the more the submissive despises the punishment, the more they must recognize that they have agreed to allow themselves to be punished. The power imbalance created by their power dynamic is highlighted and elevated. They are “forced” to recognize that the dominant has the AUTHORITY to punish them – even with things that they hate. This fact EXCITES the submissive on some level – and their brain REWARDS them by filling them with all sorts of yummy subby pleasure chemicals. They feel more helpless; more “owned”.

The more difficult / distasteful / severe the punishment is, the more this reward-effect is realized.

The obvious irony is that the purpose of punishment is to modify behavior (or create a catharsis for guilt relief…there are many theories of why punishment is used – not to be discussed here), but the punishment, in and of itself, runs the risk of REWARDING the submissive for their bad behavior.

If you doubt this, look at the number of submissives who advertise exactly how they are willing to be punished for failing to serve properly. Or look at the number of submissives who deliberately act up whenever they feel they aren’t getting the attention they desire – or are checking the resolve of the dominant to force them to submit. Consider brats and how that behavior is often motivated by a desire to have the dominant exert their will and overcome their resistance.

A dominant who is trying to design punishments that will be severe enough to have the desired impact, is going to be sadly surprised to find that the behavior, although resolved in the short-term, will reappear again – usually if no punishment has been delivered in a while. They will be constantly escalating to attempt to stay above the submissive’s tolerance – only to find that backfire into more and more severe punishments…and a bunch of frustration!

What I Do In Lieu of Punishment

I published this in the article, “Why I don’t punish”. I recognized this “paradox” (it’s not really a paradox, as it really makes so much sense) a long time ago and vowed that punishment is simply not going to work with submissives. I concluded that the only way to really change behavior is to insist that the submissive provide the self-discipline to correct their behavior based on my explanation of my preferences and feedback on how what they’re doing is making me feel.

I recognize that a sub’s actions can sometimes be due to something that I do, or don’t do. I am not perfect (gasp, I know!)…so, I encourage my submissives to talk about what they need, before they’re acting up or acting out. Maybe I’m not demonstrating my position clearly. Maybe I’ve been a little lax or neglectful. It could happen. Maybe my sub is feeling a little alone in the dynamic and feels the need to check in, to make sure I still value their submission. That’s on me. How they go about resolving that and bringing it to my attention, however, is on them. I am approachable and will listen. If they are acting up, they are not taking advantage of my openness…and they need to talk to me.

If a submissive cannot correct their behavior – even after my insistence, explanation, and openness to listen, then THEY are putting the dynamic in jeopardy. I’m not saying that the only punishment is to dissolve the power dynamic – but I am saying that, if open communications of why something is displeasing to me, what I want them to do better (and why), and insistence that they correct the issue, doesn’t result in long-termed change, I’m not interested in wasting both of our time continuing the dynamic. Dissolving the dynamic isn’t a punishment, it’s a consequence brought about by their inability to change. It takes a lot to get to that point – but that’s where it’s going, if things don’t change.

Dominants: Consider avoiding punishment and favor open discussion and instance for change – explore to find root-causes for misbehavior and remain open to the possibility that it’s something you can control. Explain what you want and why you want it – and insist on it. Recognize that any punishment will be a reward at some level – and will likely work against the change you’re trying to achieve.

Submissives: Recognize that the responsibility for living up to your commitment to submit is yours. If you find yourself attempting to motivate your dominant to discipline you, introspect as to why and discuss it openly with your dominant.

Hopefully, this will give you cause to think – and maybe even change your opinion on discipline within your D/s dynamics. Happy power!

On Being A Man In The Kink Scene

September 16, 2021 By SafferMaster 2 Comments

handcuffs, sex on the bed — via stock.adobe.com

My sister died recently and one of my children said in response…”she lived well”…which I found an odd reaction considering that she had spent many years in seclusion fighting depression, had not been able to maintain employment, and had otherwise swindled people out of money to survive. I found his remark, well, odd.

Even so, his note that “she lived will” had me look at my own life from the point of view “lived well” and to make an assessment of what that expression implies for my experience of being alive.

As a boy, I was not particularly aware of myself. I fantasized a lot about life because I spent a lot of time reading books, many more adult than probably made sense for a kid to read. So, I spent a lot of my youth in fantasy. I masturbated furiously. I grew up without TV, skin magazines like Playboy and Penthouse, were banned, and so much of my fantasy reflected the adult books I read.

As a teenager, I became aware of my athletic prowess, and excelled at all sports. I played soccer, rugby, cricket, tennis, squash, field hockey, and did track and field. I also swam and dived. I had great balance, and body control and good hand-eye and foot-eye coordination and I had a high IQ for sports. I was just not a very big fella, so I ended up growing into a competitive gymnast that competed at the very highest level thorough high school, and I played soccer at a high level too. In class, I was the “funny guy”. I drove teachers crazy. I became aware that girls found me sexually attractive. When I was 16, I spent time in Berlin and hung out in sex shops. I brought home a very kinky German kink magazine that had scenes in it with bondage, discipline, incest, anal, piss play, and more. My masturbation fantasies changed almost immediately.

I dated girls from about age 13, although it was all very innocent until I was about 17 or 16, when Pam, this voluptuous sexy vixen, the high school prom queen, took me into a room at a party one night and said “I have been waiting to get you alone” and then she pushed me onto a bed and to my delight, she sucked my cock.

The girls came fast and furious after that. I fucked as if I was the last man on earth. And I was not at all aware of my manhood. If she was willing, I fucked her.

When I met, dated and then married my wife between 5 and 8 years later, I was mostly aware of the expectations of family and society. Get married, hold down a job, have children etc., and I can now say with certainty, that I was completely unaware of myself as a man. Sex was largely fetish free. She was the preacher’s kid after all.

I first became aware of my sexual masculinity about 10 years later, at age 38, This occurred in part because while raising children, my wife simply refused me her body. Once she stopped nursing, she persisted in her refusal. There I was, providing for her and my children and she simply turned off our sexual connection along with the associated loss of intimacy and relatedness. the next few years were hard. Sex is my love language.

I had not signed up for this, so I asked for a divorce. We set about starting that process and realized that it would be quite complicated. We agreed not to pursue it, and to have a slightly open relationship…a don’t ask don’t tell policy. It was not workable. I was miserable. I called a lawyer.

My first real moment of clarity occurred when about 6 years into our estrangement, even as I was still working on terms of a divorce, she was diagnosed with breast cancer and begged me to “stay and to make it go away”. I remember, I was speaking to my attorney on the phone, and she called on the other line and asked to speak to me urgently. I hung up to take her call. She was hysterical and said, tearfully, “you can’t leave now”. She asked for me help. I agreed. I set to one side my differences with her while we set about managing and treating her illness.

During the next 8 to 10 years or so, I learned more about my masculinity as I encountered women who made themselves sexually available to me and who enjoyed my fetishes. On a gradient I learned more about the full spectrum of my kink. I also discovered that when submissive women are self-expressed,

they are more connected to their primal selves and more authentic than I was able to deal with at first. I needed time to understand the sexual power I seemed to naturally exude.

When I finally got divorced, I was lucky to meet several self-expressed submissive women who pushed me to explore the darkest parts of my nature and who gave me access to the full spectrum of kink, and a glimpse into the true power of a D/s dynamic. It was a bit of a surprise to find so many women eager to submit. I had no idea. In many ways I was living a sheltered life till then. I learned a lot about my desires by taking on different Dom personas. I found myself a solid disciplinarian, a sadist who enjoyed wielding the cane and the flogger. I found chains appealing. I found I enjoyed acts of humiliation including water sports. I discovered I liked the excitement of kink. Tying up and fucking women was more appealing than I realized. I also came to recognize newly that for me, sex is indeed my love language, and I was determined to find a woman who was both horny and an obedient submissive masochist. Even with access to the full spectrum of kink, I was still empty inside. I wanted, in fact needed the intimacy of a loving relationship in addition to the kink. In addition to a through the roof sex drive to match my own she needed be comfortable in her body, and also searching for more than kink and sex. I craved kinky sex for sure, but mostly I craved the intimacy that leads to a meaningful loving relationship, and I was convinced that I needed to partner with a likeminded submissive.

I began to truly discover my masculinity and unlock the power that the D/s dynamic allows as possible. The deeply naturally dominant male inside me longed for and needed the power of a loving and willing slut with whom I could accomplished the impossible. I intended to experience my own masculinity more acutely while she herself realized her own femininity as a corollary. I wanted a partner who would jump into the rabbit hole with me, hand in hand. It occurred to me that as much as I needed to be a sadistic Dom, I needed a submissive slut who herself needed to explore her own masochistic tendencies. We cannot exist at all without each other, and I set out to find her. That much was clear. As I searched for her, luckily, I found her searching for me. Our good fortune is that we are completely aligned. It’s perfect. We are deeply connected and aligned in every aspect of our kink and more. We have been exploring our 24/7 TPE D/s dynamic, stretching each other and growing ourselves. It’s been amazing.

It’s only now, 3 years in, as the Dominant partner in a Total Power Exchange with Lady Petra that I truly have access to the deeply dominant masculine nature of my authentic self. What I thought was dominance has changed completely inside that exchange. I am responsible for her sexuality and her wellbeing and the impact of that has caused me to use her often and hard every single day, while at the same time, ensuring that she is deeply fulfilled in her own sexual self-expression. Or as she puts it, I “use her up”. There is more intimacy than I thought possible. I have learned how to be vulnerable. I have learned how to meter my power, and how to enroll her in her submission. There is much that has come out of our dynamic, including collaring her that itself has led to such amazing blistering hot sex that I am filled with desire for her on a daily basis. She is my muse. She is the loving object of my poetry. With her I am fulfilled as a man like never before. I am also deeply in touch with my primal sexuality. This is new for me and has only been true for me when I am with her and in the throes of our mutual ecstasy that we find each other most appealing, and the sex so satisfying.

She has given me the very best gift a man can have. My manhood. My masculinity. I am deeply grateful to have enjoyed this chapter of my life so far. I can say now, finally, that “I have lived well” too.

**Note, this is a personal exploration and not meant to be a commentary on masculinity in general (the author).

Benefits To The Dominant

September 16, 2021 By Ms. Rika 3 Comments

hot lesbian rope bunnies — via stock.adobe.com

A man approached me, asking for help convincing his wife to take him on as her submissive. As they often do, he explained how she is very demanding naturally: Always wanting to be in control of the household, always “mothering” him and always telling him what he can and can’t do, etc. He said she’d be the “perfect dominant”.

He explained that they had discussed his interest in submitting to her a few times – and that they had even tried evenings and weekends, where he was her slave. They both enjoyed themselves during these sessions, but their dynamic reverted immediately after the session was over and she never seemed to initiate it on her own, afterwards.

He had tried to broach the subject, but she eluded (his word) his efforts. He tried “Stealth Submission” (submitting to her without her knowing, in hopes that she would like the service and start to demand it), but she never caught on that anything was happening.

To convince her to let him serve her, he had created a rationale list: 20 reasons why accepting him as her submissive would benefit her. Things on the list included: “Never having him disagree with her”, “Never pestering her for sexual activity and leaving initiation to her alone”, “Getting all the housework done to her satisfaction”, “Staying by her side at all times so that he’s always available”, “Staying in chastity to assure all attention stays on her”, “worshiping her”, “waking her up to oral sex every morning”, etc.

Reading through the list, it was obvious that he had absolutely no idea what his wife really wanted from him. I asked him if she had suggested ANY of the things on the list, to which he replied, “No…but it’s in her nature”. I reasoned with him that, given his natural submissive tendency, if his wife wanted him to be her slave in the manner he was presenting, after 10 years of marriage, didn’t he think he’d already be on his knees? I mean, if she really wanted him in chastity, giving her oral sex every morning, wouldn’t he already be doing it? He sat, a little at a loss for words.

Then, he presented the next most frequent argument: That he would be love to give her all the things she wants, if she would just take control of him. I asked, “So, what you’re saying is that the only way your wife can get what she really wants from you, is to make it fun for you? You would not be interested in actually serving her unless she first serves your fantasies?” That got a quiet stare.

I explained that “benefits” are in the eye of the beneficiary. If she doesn’t see something as a benefit, then it isn’t one. Period. I asked him if the things he was offering up as benefits were really things that he honestly felt SHE would consider a benefit. He admitted that he didn’t really know for sure.

The only way for a submissive to know what a given dominant feels are the true benefits of having them as a submissive, is for her to communicate them to him. If she offers up that definition of submission, then it behooves him to listen! If she doesn’t offer it up, then it’s up to him to ask. I tried to help him with techniques to get her to formulate a definition of submission to her (the Egyptian Pharaoh Exercise, for those of you who have read my writings).

He asked me what I felt the chances were that she would find doing things like “putting him in chastity and making him do housework naked except a collar” would be submission for her. I told him that I didn’t know her at all – and that he had a much better shot at answering that question than I did (and I assume he already knows the answer, BTW). I suspected the answer would be “very low”, but I also said that I wouldn’t rule anything out – and that it was possible. Then I pointed out that the upside of getting her to define what submission means to her, is that, if in fact she DOES enjoy those things, he’s going to end up doing them, anyway. I repointed him to the Task List Exercise, as a great way to help categorize and structure ideas for submission. He agreed to try it out.

What I find so interesting is how many people fall into the same trap of assumption and stereotype. I believe they want their partner to want what the stereotype tells them is desirable, and are afraid to explore their unique partner’s reality. They think it’s easier to get their partner to change than to change themselves, which is a fallacy, since change is a function of motivation – and who has the strongest motivation to make a D/s dynamic work?

The infamous Rolling Stones lyric, “You can’t always get what you want…but you find sometimes, you get what you need” is in full-force here. Long-lasting happiness comes from getting what you need, not from getting exactly what you want. In the case of submission, long-lasting submission comes from finding what you need through giving your dominant what they want. Find out what truly benefits your unique dominant – and deliver that to the best of your ability!

This week in kink: September 20, 2021

September 16, 2021 By Desdemona 2 Comments

Learn about a leather event put on by a Berlin church!

Click below to find out more from PinkNews!

Learn about a Pro Domme’s experience with financial domination and humiliation from the District Chronicles!

Click below to learn more!

I’m a financial dominatrix – men get aroused from losing control of their finances and I get to make more than $100K

Discover the best Craig’s List dating and hook up alternatives from HeraldNet!

Click below to read more!

Best Craigslist Personals Alternatives: 18 New Craigslist Personals Alternatives for Dating, Free Hookups, and Much More in 2021

Have some kinky news to share? Tell us about any upcoming BDSM events, new products, dungeon openings / closings, kink in mainstream media, and anything else you think kinky folks might be interested to hear about. Send your tips through to kinkweekly@gmail.com, and it might just end up on next week’s “This Week in Kink.”

Consent in a 24/7 TPE Power Exchange

August 26, 2021 By SafferMaster 3 Comments

sexy women in lace on bed blindfolded — via stock.adobe.com

Everything in kink requires consent. It is only inside of consent that the activities we engage in can occur. Without consent, many of the activities we engage in might in fact be considered crimes. From 1,000 feet away, that is certainly true. On the other hand, simple things, especially now that the nation is opening up again and we are starting to hear about clubs and play spaces opening up again, engaging with kinksters in a public space requires consent. “Is it ok if I do this ….?”

Negotiating in pick up-play for instance, requires at the very minimum, that consent around hard limits is discussed and agreed to, but what about consent in a 24/7 TPE dynamic? How is consent managed where one person gifts their power to another.

In our situation, I am a sensual sadist, and my partner is a submissive masochist. For me to be fully self expressed in my sexuality, I need her to operate as my uninhibited collared slut that gifts me her submission with her consent. It is a given.

The question that consideration raises though is how do I know I have her consent? Its not like we go through a daily scene with me asking her with every action I take if I have her consent. So how do I know.

One aspect of our dynamic is that we both operate with the full understanding that each of us is 100% responsible for the health of the dynamic. That requires that each of us respond to any event, thought, statement or suspicion that there is something perhaps out of sorts by addressing it immediately. We also hold an especially important context of our dynamic at all times. That being that there is nothing wrong. So if one of us sees or says something that raises concern, that awareness arises in context that there is nothing wrong so we can deal with what’s actually so. We do not allow stories to enter into the discussion. At first, as we were getting related and learning about each other’s habits and routines, we had cause to have a conversation around this idea that “there is nothing wrong” and once we established that as a context for our relationship, there have been few if any circumstances where we would have to address each other from a place of mistrust.

Another aspect of our dynamic is that we are both sex forward and kink forward. This is something that was established even before we met. We both wanted to live in a dynamic that was highly sexualized. The upshot of that is that we play almost daily. The result of having over 1,000 iterations of our kinky sexuality expressed lives as lived is that we know each other pretty well. I know when I am pushing her limits and I know when she is on the edge. I am responsible for keeping her on the edge and not taking her past her limit.

At the beginning of our sceneing, once she had been claimed, and even to this day after being collared, she has safe words. Yellow for “I like this but it’s a bit too intense at the moment, keep going” to “Red” which in our world is simply to “stop now, check in and see if we should continue”. And remember, there is nothing wrong, so reding out is not a big deal. At the same time, I can tell you that she has used “yellow” a couple times 3 years ago, and she has never needed to red out. She was told at the outset that “I don’t break my toys”. This gave her confidence to test her limits.

This brings me to the most important part of consent in a 24/7 TPE dynamic. Consent is based entirely on trust.

I have had to earn her trust over time as her Master and as her Dom.

Consider when we met, I had been operating as a disciplinarian in one dynamic and has a cruel sadist in another and as a Bull in another and she had never been in a kink dynamic although she had been doing kinky things all through her adult life.

We had to find a way to relate as kinksters so that our dynamic pulled each of us in directions that we wanted to explore, and to expand our experience of our own sexuality as we explored the twists and turns of the rabbit hole together. This was a process of trial and error. Mostly we talked a lot. Before, during, and after scenes. I tried many fetishes and kinks with her and she had the experience of being all in. When things got too hard, she yellowed and after when asked about things we did, she would say, “I liked this, or I didn’t like that”. This enabled me to hone the ways we played so that I kept her in a state of heightened arousal, which is what I find deeply arousing. I want her in a trance state on the verge of climax at all times during our scenes.

I am sexually aroused when the woman I am with is present with me and puts herself forward to be my sex toy. My 3-hole slut, my personal masochist. And my partner, Lady Petra does just that. The trust that is present goes both ways. There are times I want her to Top in a scene to explore some aspect of my own sexuality, like prostate massage for example, and I need to have complete and unwavering trust in her too.

One of the ways I know I have her consent is that she chooses to kneel for me whenever I ask. I have also given her the right to choose to kneel without my request so that if she feels the urge to be used, she can request that I use her by presenting herself. If she did not feel like I had her consent she would never put herself forward to be used day after day. The act of preparing for use is consent itself.

The fact that in being used, she experiences multiple squirting orgasms for about 40-90 minutes at a time is perhaps one reason that she consistently puts herself forward…but I contend that our communication is clean enough that if she did have something to discuss regarding our play or our dynamic, she would do so.

Our dynamic is a 24/7 dynamic in fact. It encompasses every aspect of life. We have created protocols for many of the specifics that day to day life requires. Why that is important is that our adherence to protocols allows us to keep a monitor on the relationship in the same way that a pilot monitors his or her instrument panel. All the dials on the jet’s instrument panel point in one direction. So, if one dial is out of sorts (pointing away from vertical), the pilot will notice it immediately. This is similar. If there is not adherence to one or another protocol it is similar to the instrument panel dial pointing in the wrong direction. In our dynamic that is unlikely though, because Lady Petra is extraordinarily obedient, and I am very much turned on by her obedience.

One aspect of our consent agreements boils down to this. We agree to put the dynamic aside and speak as equals if need be. Early on in our dynamic, we had to do this a couple of times till we could get flat about whatever it was that was bothering one or the other of us. For more than 2 years now, that has not come up. One reason is that we are both being responsible for the dynamic as I noted earlier. We take the idea of creating the dynamic seriously.

I am responsible for creating how I occur to her. She is responsible for creating how she occurs to me. She pulls me to her by they way she shows up for me. She creates me when she prepares herself to be used and lets me know that she is indeed ready for me. This means that however long it takes me to get there, I will find her kneeling offering me her leash, or on days when she is ready to be marked, she offers me the cane.

I am also responsible for how she occurs to me. Consider that. If she is upset, its my responsibility. Its up to me to get to the bottom of it and to do whatever is needed to get her back to being happy. I leave her the way I leave her. So, when she is upset, I own it, and when I say I am responsible for how she is experiencing me, it is both disarming and affirming. The point is that it is my responsibility to create her experience as my collared slut. I want her fully enrolled in being my personal masochist. My personal perfectly designed 3-hole whore. My fuck toy. I want her to have the experience of feeling like being with me is a magic carpet ride. Every day. How do I know I have her consent? Because after I use her, she sits up and takes my face in her hands and kisses me passionately telling me that I am a magician. We describe our experience together as “bliss”. We both experience what our Tantra friends call “a Kundalini Awakening”.

I have her consent because we are both experiencing the deepest, most connected, most intimate, highly sexualized, satisfying, passionate, hottest loving relationship we can possibly imagine. And we created it. It has turned out better than we could possibly expect.

She chooses to kneel for me. This is how I know I have her consent.

SafferMaster and Lady Petra offer Kink Relationship Coaching with online, group, and personal coaching options.

You can access the coaching services offered by Lady Petra Playground by reaching out for an initial conversation- LadyPetraPlaground@gmail.com

New coaching content can be found on out Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/LadyPetrasPlayground

Lady Petra and SafferMaster also produce the Kinky cocktail Hour podcast available on all podcast platforms and here: https://kinkycocktailhour.buzzsprout.com/

Video: Submissive Brats And How To Tame Them

August 12, 2021 By Depraved Eros 2 Comments

Interested in Brat taming?

Then, check out this awesome video by Depraved Eros!

BRATS!!! Submissive Brats and How To Tame Them

Watch this video on YouTube

A Deep Dive Into Our Kink Relationship

August 12, 2021 By SafferMaster 3 Comments

sexy power exchange couple, submissive blindfolded — via stock.adobe.com

We live in a 24/7 TPE. She belongs to me. She is my marked, collared and plugged submissive. She gets a daily maintenance spanking, she kneels for me when asked, and she has full agency.

We are closer than either of us could have imagined possible. I recently wrote this poem about her:

My Sexy Slut

She is my muse

My creation

A phenomenon

A truly sexualized creature

Her body Pulses

Vibrates

And quivers in ecstasy

Again and again

She is erotic

Exotic

My Cinnamon Girl

Connected to the earth

Her animal spirit

A mountain lion

Inside her

Brings me to

Heights unscaled

Where air is thin

Aroused

Excited

Growling my approval

We cum hard ‘together

And my Sexy Slut

When we met 3 years ago, we were both coming off long term unsatisfying marriages. She was subjected to the whims of her domineering partner, and I suffered the scorn of a frigid wife. We both have kids and we both have a background in athletics and health care. So there was a lot we could talk about, and yet, we both brought a lot of baggage to the table.

I had made the choice after a 4-year journey into hard-core kink following my separation and divorce, to base my relationship on being an out-kinkster. I chose to seek a submissive partner to explore my sexuality with.

Now to be clear, I had spent those 4 years post-divorce playing in the kink pool, and what I came to discover was that intimacy was missing. I also postulated that being an out sexual kinkster, that with a deeply submissive woman I could create intimacy in this relationship where none had existed before for

me. I wanted to have a love relationship with a submissive masochist who herself wanted to live in a 24/7 TPE.

With that context I wrote a “seeking post” that did as much as it could to authentically describe both what I was seeking and who I was seeking, as well as to state clearly what I was seeking. It was an authentic writing.

During my time playing with different submissives over the previous few years, I was present to how many women were seeking domination. So, I was not surprised when many women responded to my seeking post almost immediately.

One stood out. My writing occurred to her as if it was written to her personally.

She and I talked for months before we met. We shared stories, fantasies, kinks, desires, goals, relationship intentions and so on then I tasked her to test her obedience and her access to masochism as a sexual experience. She passed the test and I was compelled to meet her in person. We met for a drink at a place midway between us.

The way she tells it, it was in that moment of meeting me when she took stock of me in person for the first time, that she chose to kneel for me. I occurred to her as the Dom she was seeking. Soon after our meeting, I left the country for a month and when I returned, she was out of town for a couple of weeks. So, we did not see each other again for around 8 weeks. We agreed to meet over lunch, and then we met a couple of times for dinner and then on the weekend, she came over, and we took a walk and shared a bottle of wine on the beach. She had done her research. She had lots of questions.

She wanted to experience a real dynamic. I was interested in her as a submissive and possibly a relationship partner long term. And the attraction was chemical. We both found each other attractive and desirable. We were talking about what was needed to begin a dynamic. I told her that she would need to put herself forward to be claimed, and we talked in detail about what it would take for her to choose me to submit to. I described the protocol that she would need to follow for the experience.

She came over one last time to spend an evening with me and she was excited to play but she had not yet been claimed, and because I had said so, I was not prepared to play with her until she was finally separated from her husband whom she was in the process of divorcing.

I share this history because it was those months of conversations that comprised the negotiations for our dynamic. We talked in detail about our limits, about the context of a D/s dynamic in a 24/7 relationship. What it would be like, the protocols I required, the specifics and so on. We established safe words and made an agreement to set the dynamic aside while we deal with what there was to deal with should the need arise. The more we talked the more she wanted to serve.

She was ready to be claimed.

This was not an insignificant moment for us. She arrived on time, and she undressed in the entrance hall, and crawled to the center of the living room where she took the Nadu pose as instructed. Her training had begun. The claiming was intended to be intense. She agreed to be marked inside and out as I fulfilled on claiming her as my personal slut, and in choosing to be her Master. She got marked with several cane strokes and I pissed down her throat and, in her ass, to mark her inside. She was now my marked slut, and we began the experience of learning how to play together.

For the next several weeks, she spent weekends with me and from Friday PM till late on Sunday PM she wore a play collar and we experienced hard-core kinky sex together. We experimented with a range of playing styles as we learned to interact sexually with each other. It was fun.

We debriefed after every scene, and I took what I learned about her into the next scene and so on. But at this early stage it was till experimentation us. She was experiencing her desire, being to be in a real dynamic and to offer her submission completely, and I was experiencing the joy of training my submissive to serve me.

About a month into our dynamic, things started moving fast on her end and she found herself faced with a crisis. Her ex-husband was starting to behave erratically, and she was being advised to move out for her safety. I offered her my place to stay, no strings attached.

She moved in under duress, but she was grateful for the safe space. I gave her the time and space she needed to allow her to relax into the dynamic. There was zero pressure.

She and I found that we liked spending time together. It was new for me to have a woman sleeping in my bed day after day, and we took walks holding hands and talked and talked and talked about things. We talked about sex, and food and kids and marriage and divorce and nature and being and religion and spirituality and health and fitness and dogs and sex some more. I was enrolling her in my world and specifically in my view of a 24/7 TPE along with other topics like abundance, love, relatedness, intimacy and connection. We got along famously, we enjoyed each other’s company, and the sex was amazing.

We talked and fucked and cooked and ate together and drank together, it became clear fairly quicky that with her in my life, my life was dramatically improved. We started to experience good feelings for each other. She was bold and said so first and I was confronted by my story of being unlovable, so I had to be with her feeling strongly about me while I figured out how to deal with my own experience. I had what I wanted and had been seeking right there in my living room telling me that she was falling in love with me. Talk about being confronted. (I like to define the word “confronted” as to “look at without flinching”.)

My search had been for intimacy and so that started an inquiry about what that meant for us. We continued to explore kink and each other and she pursued her cocktail sommelier credential. This led to us having a cocktail and an in-depth relationship conversation every day after we fucked. We had a play scene daily and had high protocol scenes on the weekend. It was a great time. Around the same time, I implemented a daily maintenance spanking regime to address her mood swings. She was much happier after impact play. This was a game changer on many levels. It gave us new access to her masochism and the sex got hotter (if that was possible) and we got closer.

In the meantime, her divorce got finalized and with her being complete, the last condition I had set for collaring her was satisfied, I offered her my collar. She accepted, and now as my collared slut we continued to explore intimacy in our relationship newly and if it’s possible to believe, the sex is hotter every time out than it ever was before.

We came to a place where we were both able to truly allow the other person in – to be vulnerable. The way I put it was that I would allow her to hold my heart in one hand and a sharp blade in the other, and I choose to give her the power to destroy my heart. That is vulnerability. She did the same. We got vulnerable with each other and that made all the difference. We got closer and the sex got hotter. Crazy.

Armed with a loving dynamic, our 24/7 TPE took off. Then covid happened and we were stuck at home in our new collared dynamic. And wow, did we love that. We spent 24 hours a day together living a 24/7 dynamic in reality. It was magical.

Her mixology skills improved and we found ourselves in a deep conversation about our relationship, our dynamic, and so on, which led us to starting the podcast because if you really think about it, our kink is communication. We worked on the coaching program, and we got involved in meeting and interviewing kinksters to discover more for ourselves. Out of that we made friends in the kink community, and we have deepened our relationship dramatically. We have also been having ever hotter sex, most recently described as a “open chakras and a flowing kundalini” by Mystic Chick.

We are getting close to a tantric experience. We have distilled our scenes down to the essence of pure pleasure. It’s remarkable. We are left breathless and high each time we fuck.

We love each other, our kink is wrapped into our sexuality, and we continue to explore.

Our exploration has a few rules

– There is nothing wrong

– We do not allow space between us

– We are each 100% responsible for the dynamic

– We relate as Dom/sub, Sadist/masochist, Daddy/little, Master/owned property

These “rules” create a context for the relationship that keeps us on an even keel. And we have incorporated protocols that keep us ticking along on all cylinders. We are 100% aligned. Its wonderful.

I wrote this poem recently:

She Completes Me

30 years

Scorned

Nullified

Made Nothing if

Demeaned

Diminished

Held in contempt

Sneered at

3 years

Loved

Cherished

Esteemed

Admired

Appreciated

Desired

Valued

Love is powerful

Life is in balance

She completes me

As you think about yourself and your life and your kink and your relationship dynamics and you are hoping to experience something similar to what we are experiencing, consider that communication is our kink, and we would not have gotten here if we were both unclear about what we were seeking in the first place.

Our entire coaching program is designed to get you here…on your own terms. Feel free to reach out to us on https://www.patreon.com/LadyPetrasPlayground where the Task a Day program will give you access to the experience.

You can access the coaching services offered by Lady Petra Playground by reaching out for an initial conversation- LadyPetraPlaground@gmail.com

SafferMaster and Lady Petra offer Kink Relationship Coaching with online, group, and personal coaching options.

Lady Petra and SafferMaster also produce the Kinky cocktail Hour podcast available on all podcast platforms and here: https://kinkycocktailhour.buzzsprout.com/

submissive headspace

Footer