New to the scene?
Want to begin your kink journey?
Then, look no further!
This week Ms. Elle X shares her favorite kinks for new kinksters!
BDSM articles ideas bondage erotica resource
New to the scene?
Want to begin your kink journey?
Then, look no further!
This week Ms. Elle X shares her favorite kinks for new kinksters!
This article is applicable when you and your new play partner are both knowledgeable and enthusiastic about BDSM, and have decided to arrange BDSM play together for the first time. If either of you is brand new to BDSM, or you are hoping to introduce BDSM to an existing but as-yet vanilla romantic relationship, then this article is likely not appropriate to your situation. It is written from the perspective of a male Dom and female sub, but can of course be applied to any variation of gender dynamic.
The first time playing with a new play partner is special. There is a magical electricity in the newness and uncertainty as you begin to connect with each other through dominance & submission. As you experience each other’s energy, there is a delicious joy in seeing how your new partner responds to your unique style of dominance.
When I’m preparing for a first play session like this, I normally have a few things I’d like to have as an outcome from the scene:
Here’s a simple outline for where to take your scene, which accomplishes all three of these goals and sets you on a good foundation for more fun play in the future.
Article continues below
Now that you’ve had a great first play experience, you can start to plan some more advanced and intense experiences for future scenes together, built on the foundation of trust created from an amazing first session.
Like my first BDSM scene ideas? Have some tips of your own? Let me know in the comments below.
anniebear sat with SirBerus, owner of Demonic Toys to discuss his methods, materials, and why Demonic Toys is an up and coming contender in the BDSM toy market.
anniebear: SirBerus, owner of Demonic Toys- we’re always really excited to interview people that have really cool toys to play with in the scene.
SirBerus: Thank you so much for interviewing me! It’s great to be a part of Kink Weekly!
anniebear: Tell me about Demonic Toys. What type of toys do make? Do you use any specific materials?
SirBerus: Demonic Toys is all made from steel materials. The Devil’s Lollipops are made from circular saw blades either in 7 ¼, 10 , or 12 inches in diameter and then a solid steel handle that is attached through a steel stem. The handle itself is hallow to reduce weight. We also make theCandy Pain which is a solid steel rod cane. I was trying to come up with names and the first one I made had a candy cane stripe so the Candy Pain was created.
anniebear: Genius! (laughs)
SirBerus: Of all the things that we make the easiest one to name was The Devil’s Lollipop. I came up with it because of the little lollipops that are similar to SadiSticks, these just almost seemed like an over sized version except on steroids and a lot more aggressive. So the first thing that came to me was the Devil’s Lollipop. Everything Demonic Toys makes is all hand made out of steel, there’s nothing done with robotics or precut or pre-fabricated. Each one is unique. That has its pluses and minuses. The minuses being I can never duplicate them exactly. All my saw blades are recycled used blades. Trying to take things that people would normally throw away and re-purpose them and the problem with that is when a client says “I really like that specific saw blade”, well, it might be a blade style that I no longer have.
annibear: Being that you use actual saw blades for the toys do all of your toys have the potential to cut skin when you use them?
SirBerus: I make sure to grind the edges down before they’re painted. They still have enough of an edge to enhance sensation play. It’s a lot like knife play if you’ve dulled the blade a bit, this is the best way I can explain it. I try not to make them too sharp. The same way you wouldn’t want a knife to be razor sharp for knife play, you wouldn’t want one of my saw blades razor sharp either. You have the safety to run it along somebody’s skin even in a relatively sensitive area like the sides or thighs and not have to worry about barely touching them and cutting them.
anniebear: We were so happy to see you showing off your things at DomCon a few months ago. It looks like you had some pretty wicked stuff going on there with Demonic Toys. I know that you have a history and experience with metalworking, is that correct?
SirBerus: Yes, actually I am a welder and metal fabricator by trade. I got requested and told by a number of people including my submissive, Jenn, to try and make something unique and different out of metal. I thought about it for a while and if I made anything I wanted it to be more than a single use item; something that could be both impact and sensation or vice versa or have multiple uses. The first one I made I did as a joke and everyone seemed to go absolutely ballistic when I pulled it out. That was the very beginning.
anniebear: That’s great! It’s really fun when you can merge something you already know how to do into something that’s more fun like a hobby, so it sounds like a perfect marriage.
SirBerus: Absolutely! It definitely allows me to have the creativity to play around with metal work as well. I am far from a professional painter but it allows me to put that creativity into paint work for the designs and seeing people’s reactions and seeing the “oos and aahs” as well as “holy crap!” that comes from people seeing it for the first time. This always makes me smile.
anniebear: That’s wonderful, it sound very rewarding. So I saw a lot of your toys at DomCon. What would you say some of your favorite pieces are that you’ve created so far?
SirBerus: I’d have to say the original Devil’s Lollipopis still my favorite because it was the first one I made. I decided to put a whole lot of extra time into the paint job, just to see how far I could push myself. Because of that paint job plus the fact of it being the original prototype, that one is definitely my favorite. Other than that I’d have to say the Death Star paddle I made for a client was probably one of the hardest but most rewarding. Follow that up with one of the first custom sets I made. I made a Devil’s Lollipop and Candy Pain both in black and pink for Sir Pent. It was hard and took a lot of work but the reward that came from it was amazing.
anniebear: I was personally a big fan of the Death Star paddle. I saw it when you were just about finishing it up. It was impressive. How long do you think it took you to make that?
SirBerus: To make it took about four hours and the paint job took almost six total hours. So about ten hours of work!
anniebear: That’s amazing! It just shows how careful and meticulous you are with your work.
SirBerus: Yes, when it was first brought up to me as a custom job my first thought was, “There is no way that I’m making a Death Star from hand!” All of my stuff is one off. Even if I wanted to I couldn’t duplicate it 100%. So the concept of doing the Death Star was just mind blowing. (sentence removed) I decided to try and step it up and see if I could do it. A lot of friends suggested I just buy a vinyl sticker and stick it on there and clear coat it, but in my opinion it takes away from the company. I state that everything is done by hand and everything is a one off piece, anyone can stick a sticker on there. I wanted to step up to the challenge. It definitely was the most strenuous paint job I’ve done to date, but also the most rewarding.
anniebear: On a more personal note how long have you been in the lifestyle?
SirBerus: I’ve actually been in the lifestyle and really embraced it for about a year and a half. I actually have to give a big shout out to my submissive Jenn because I always kind of had this feeling I was kinky and kind of felt off on my own island away from my friends when it came to this stuff but I didn’t know about the scene until we started dating. It was kind of overwhelming when we started dating and I became her Sir. It wasn’t until I truly embraced everything that the Demonic Toys idea took shape.
anniebear: That’s amazing, considering that you’re relatively new to the scene, to come out with this whole line of toys and torture implements is pretty incredible.
SirBerus: Absolutely. A lot of people have raised eyebrows when I actually tell them how long I’ve been in the scene. I’ve been told by people they thought I’d been in the scene anywhere from four to ten years, which kind of makes me laugh. Not laughing in a negative way, but I take it as a compliment, I wish I could say I’ve been in it that long. For how much it’s brought me off “the island”and allowed me to meet people that make me feel like the things I enjoy and the things I like aren’t weird and aren’t taboo is a great thing. So I want to find a way to have something new to contribute to the community. I think about how my submissive Jenn is so involved in the community and teaches and everything else, I want something to give back as well. I want something that nobody had seen before. There are so many toys that are great but they’re almost so similar between companies I want something that is really going to make your eyes pop, make you really take a step back and think about what you saw.
anniebear: That’s a really good motivation to start a company such as yours as a way to give back and still be creative at the same time.
SirBerus: It’s definitely been one of my favorite things. It’s been a huge motivator to see people’s reactions and partially to hear how nobody seems to take the same toy the same way. A lot of the time with a specific toy it’s either stingy or thuddy and everybody pretty much agrees. I can take the same Devil’s Lollipop and hit three different s-types and get three different reactions. One will say it’s stingy, one will say it’s thuddy, and one might say it’s a little of both! Then you add the fact that its got sensation play on the edges as well as conducts electricity. The Candy Pains do the same thing, but they’re deep tissue instead of what you think of a cane as giving a really sharp, stingy sensation. So I love seeing people’s reactions when they think it’sgoing to be the most viscous thing to hit their skin and then they try it and realize wow, I actually enjoy that and it wasn’t nearly as vicious as I thought. Obviously how the Top uses it will determine how vicious it can be.
anniebear: It sounds like a lot of fun. I imagine you had to maybe enlist the help of your submissive to try out some of these new toys before you started selling them.
SirBerus: Yes, she definitely got to try them out. Luckily,with people at her BDSM 101 class along with a few other people, I got to hand them off and get opinions from multiple different s-types and bottoms to get their opinion on them, along with Jenn’s. That’s really where I realized everyone feels it differently. Where she thought it was thuddy, someone else thought it was stingy. That personally made me smile because no one is going to say the same thing. This is just the beginning and I really truly hope people like all of the toys. There are a few more toys in the works that are soon to be rolled out to the public. I’m hoping that people see these and see it the same way that I do. That it’s a multiple use toy that is quite unique and they enjoy it for what it is and love using it.
Update: Demonic Toys has released two new toys since this interview was taken – the Devil’s Tongue and Lillith’s Lollipop. Check them out on DemonicToy’s profile on Fetlife!
I’m a big fan of getting creative with BDSM play. Rope is great, and impact is fine, but what I love most is power exchange, and putting some thought and preparation into creating a great scene can go a long way towards heightening that dynamic.
In this article I’m going to describe one of my favorite scenarios – The Interrogation. It borrows from the genre of captured spy, or dirty cop, and it’s great not only to reinforce the dominance and submission of the participants, but also actually helps in revealing a lot about each other (well, about the sub anyway). Because of that, I generally incorporate this into a relatively early play session with a new play partner. Probably not the very first time, because it helps if a level of trust has already been established, but perhaps the second or third time. Having said that, it’s a classic that can still be fun even if you’ve been playing with them for years.
This post contains affiliate links. For more info, see our disclosures here.
Important – this scene is for people who already have an established BDSM relationship with their partner, and have already negotiated limits and safewords between them. The scene as described includes several different BDSM aspects, which should each have been discussed and agreed upon between the Dom and sub prior to playing. If any aspect is a problem for either person, you can of course modify and use alternative techniques instead.
What you’ll need:
I put a lot of stock in the ambience of a scene. So you don’t want to just casually invite your submissive to sit in the chair for a spot of interrogation. Instead, build up to it. Perhaps have them waiting in bondage for a little while beforehand, in the dark or with a blindfold on. Then (borrowing some dramatic effect from a spy thriller), suddenly and loudly grab them and manhandle them to the chair. Sit your sub down, and get him or her secured. Start with the wrists behind the back (whether they are behind or in front of the chair back will depend on the chair and your sub’s comfort level, and whether you care about that). Then do the ankles – you’ll want to get the legs spread as wide and far back as you can and then secure the ankle restraints to the chair leg. Finally, put the leather strap in place to secure the torso to the chair back – important to prevent too much wriggling around. Now, I prefer subs to not be wearing any clothes for this scene, so if they aren’t already there this could be a great opportunity to cut the clothes off, which can be a real thrill unto itself for some submissives (obviously, only if this has been negotiated and they aren’t overly attached to whatever they are wearing).
Make sure the chair is secure and can’t fall backwards! Depending on what you do, the person tied to your chair may jump around a bit – the last thing you want is them falling backwards and being unable to cushion their fall.
Ideally the setting should be dark, which is perfect for now switching on your spotlights and directing them at the submissive. This creates a powerful effect of the person feeling like they are under scrutiny, while obscuring you as the questioner. Be aware of the power of the spotlight and exactly where you are pointing it – you don’t want to cause any permanent vision issues (like with all BDSM activities, I recommend testing on yourself before using on another person).
Now that the scene is set, you can begin the interrogation. Tell the person you are going to ask them some questions. Take an authoritative tone. Let them know you want them to answer you quickly, and truthfully.
I generally have two toys for this part. One mild torture toy like a violet wand set to a relatively gentle level. And one less forgiving toy like a Ta-zapper or simply a higher setting of the wand. You’ll notice the electrical play theme here, which I find accompanies the theme quite well, but you can of course substitute whatever you like for these – impact, clamps etc (electrical play can be dangerous – don’t do it without learning about how to do it safely first).
Explain to your sub that you’ll be using the violet wand as you ask them questions, and that it had better not distract them from answering you. And let them know that if you think they are lying about anything, or answering too slowly, or you otherwise don’t like their answer, then you’ll be using the mean toy on them. At which point you might like to demonstrate once on them for effect.
Now that the tone is set and they are likely in a cooperative frame of mind, you can begin questioning. Start with easy questions:
“What’s your name?”
“How old are you?”
“Where are you from?”
This will get them into the habit of answering you immediately and truthfully. Write down the answers. Even if you already know the answers, it’s part of the ambience and the role. Now, move onto more personal and embarrassing questions:
“How much do you weigh?”
“How many people have you fucked?”
“What sex toys do you own?”
This will help open the person up to you, and move them into a special kind of submissive mindset. Be mindful of any topics that are limits or triggers (which you should already know if you previously done a proper play negotiation). But other than that, aim to keep establishing your position of authority and make them open up and bare all to you.
“Have you ever done any drugs?”
“When was the last time you masturbated?”
“Tell me in detail about a fantasy you think about while masturbating”.
All the while throughout the questioning, you should be teasing them with your violet wand (or other toy of choice). It should add a pleasant level of difficulty as they try to answer your questions. And don’t forget to punish them with the mean toy if they take their time, or don’t provide enough detail, or even if the answer is true but you disapprove, or even pretend to disapprove on moral grounds (e.g. “have you ever cheated on a lover”)
You may decide to press for more details and ask different questions depending on your sub’s answers. In this way, it can be quite bonding as you learn things about them you might not have otherwise. For the sub, I am told it can actually feel quite liberating and exhilarating being made to reveal intimate details – like kinky therapy, perhaps.
And of course, you can file away the info you learn about their fantasies for use in future play scenes.
Once you are done with the questioning, if they have been good then you might choose to use your pleasure toy to get them off – they’ll no doubt be hot and ready for it. But that’s almost a clichéd finish now, so I’ll leave that up to you!
Stay tuned for more scene ideas in future editions.
Have you ever done an interrogation scene, either as the top or the bottom? Tell me about your experiences and any comments you’d like to add below!
Writer, photographer, hedonist, Dom. After years of at-home BDSM, Dexx finally embraced the kink community and met many fantastic fellow kinksters in the scene. Along the way, it occurred to him that it would be just super if there was a magazine-style web site which catered to people interested in BDSM, and he recruited some of his friends to help create it. Find him here.
Making your submissive dance for you can be the centerpiece of a scene that is very enjoyable for both of you. You get to enjoy her sexy moves, she can learn some new skills and show them off for you, and both of you get share gratification of you directing her submission to you.
This post contains affiliate links. For more info, see our disclosures here.
This scene could go one of many ways, but I’d first like to touch on how this feeds the submissive headspace. Stripping in it of itself is an exhibitionist’s dream. If you have a submissive who is more demure or shy perhaps, this is a great way to open them up. Obviously every scene you do should be properly negotiated beforehand and only you can know your play partner’s limits. Any time you engage in “forced” [insert scene activity here] there is always an element of risk and you should play with caution. Now, back to the fun stuff-if you have a shy sub, which I happen to have personal experience with, the entire act of dancing in front of or even stripping for someone can be very exhilarating, humiliating, sexy…any number of feelings. It can play into many types of kinks including humiliation, degradation, exhibitionism, and power exchange just to name a few. If you have an outgoing sub or play partner, then this is a way for them to show off and impress you.
First you’ll want to set the scene. Not everyone is going to have a stripper pole in their home (if you do, kudos to you!) but many public dungeons, swinger clubs, and play spaces do! So if you want to add another element to the scene, make it public at one of these places. But in lieu of a pole, a chair will do or you can be extra sadistic and make them fly solo with no props or assistance other than their bodies and the clothes on their backs.
Dim the lighting or even change the lighting color (red is sexy). Select a play list ahead of time. Try to think of songs that have both a great beat and/or have completely nasty lyrics. Examples would be “Bette Davis Eyes” if you want to keep it classy or Khia’s “My Neck, My Back” for a downright dirty tune. If you want to get really elaborate, buy your sub an “outfit” for the evening. Check Amazon.com (search “stripper clothes”) for some really inexpensive options. If they don’t know whats coming, the outfit may tip them off, but refrain from giving them any context until you absolutely have to.
He puts her in chains and makes her dance
Next you can allow the hilarity to ensue. Instruct your sub to perform the best strip tease of their life. If there is a pole then the “best pole dance” and so on. Turn the music on and see what happens. If they act reluctant, you can always have an implement handy such as a crop or a cane to “encourage” them. You can also make it the full stripper experience by having dollar bills to throw on them or put in their panties. If you feel your sub is up for it, you can set up a scenario where they must give someone (best to choose a trusted friend) or yourself a lap dance. Oftentimes this makes even the most brazen of subs shy. Or you can pair two sub together and make one give the other a lap dance. Once again, as with any scene, the options are endless!
As I mentioned before, the goal with this scene is to put your sub in a great headspace through humiliation and/or exhibitionism. You can go a dozen other directions from there or even have a different goal in mind. Through my personal experiences with this scene my play partners have expressed mortification, humor, sexual freedom and more. Make sure to do a post scene chat with your partner to learn what their experience was like.
Happy stripping!
Writer, photographer, hedonist, Dom. After years of at-home BDSM, Dexx finally embraced the kink community and met many fantastic fellow kinksters in the scene. Along the way, it occurred to him that it would be just super if there was a magazine-style web site which catered to people interested in BDSM, and he recruited some of his friends to help create it.
Sissification has long been a staple of the Fem-dom playbook. Also known as forced feminization, it involves a male submissive being made to wear feminine clothes (think lingerie and heels) and makeup, and then being made to do things in traditionally feminine ways – walking, talking and otherwise acting female-esque.
I borrowed from this concept to come up with a fun scene idea that can be used with a female submissive. Well, I suppose it can be used on any kind of submissive – but I have found great success in play with female submissives.
I present to you “slutification”.
As with sissification, there is a moderate D/s element to this play. There can also be some shame involved, which may be added to with verbal humiliation. How this is experienced will vary greatly depending on the submissive and her various life experiences and values. Make sure that any aspects you incorporate into the scene are within the bounds of what you have previously negotiated for play with your partner.
What you’ll need:
-One or more slutty dresses (there are some great options if you search “slutty dress” on Amazon. I like this one
-Tacky lingerie (something like this)
-Very high heeled stilettos (5+ inches)
-Assorted cheap and brightly colored lipsticks
-Assorted cheap eye shadows
-Extra black mascara
-Foundation
-Blush
I think you can probably see where I’m going with this.
It’s pretty simply really. Start by letting her know that the outfit she chose is not to your liking. You were hoping for something a little… sluttier. Let her know you are going to help her learn to be a good little whore for you. At that point you can pull out the dress, lingerie and shoes you got her, and tell her to get changed. Now, depending on how extravagant you want to go, you might have a few different outfit options for her. Make her go and get changed for you. You will sit waiting while she changes in another room and comes back to model the dress for you.
If you happen to own a spotlight (also useful for interrogation scenes), make her step into the bright light so you can examine her properly. Have her turn and twirl for you.
Once you are satisfied with her new attire, it’s on to the artistic part!
Have your precious pet kneel in front of you while you sit in a comfortable chair. You could incorporate some bondage at this point if you like, but I prefer the D/s aspect of ordering her into the correct positions to your liking.
If you are anything like me, you have extremely limited experience applying makeup to a person. Great! The less skilled the better for this part. The goal here is not to make her look beautiful – it’s to make her look like a cheap hooker. So start with some foundation. Then the lipstick. Make sure to choose something extra bright and garish, and once she gets her lips nice and taught for you, smear it liberally on.
Your girl is no doubt well versed in applying make up to make herself look pretty, so by now she will be starting to realize that your technique is less than expert. It will be a true test of her submission to accept this as you undo all of her patient preparation. What a perfect time to rattle off some yogi quotes for her about gratitude, humility, and being calm in the face of adversity.
On to the eyes! When choosing an eye shadow, I recommend… you guessed it – bright and colorful! One play partner informed later that she just knew I was going to go for the blue. Apparently it’s the clichéd choice for such scenes. Nevertheless, so timeless and classic all the same. Follow your heart on this one. Next up, the lashes. Let’s go big and bold and fat with those bad boys.
Finally, it’s time to slap on a little blush and your masterpiece will be complete.
From here, you have any number of directions for where to take the scene. Perhaps you make her do a strip-tease for you, perhaps you give her some explicit training on how to be a good slut… or maybe just drive her to a seedy street and make her flaunt her wares. Don’t forget to keep reminding her about exactly how she looks.
Have you ever done an slutificaiton or sissification scene, either as the top or the bottom? Tell us about your experiences and any comments you’d like to add below!
Writer, photographer, hedonist, Dom. After years of at-home BDSM, Dexx finally embraced the kink community and met many fantastic fellow kinksters in the scene. Along the way, it occurred to him that it would be just super if there was a magazine-style web site which catered to people interested in BDSM, and he recruited some of his friends to help create it.
In our BDSM, kinky world, mummification refers to the complete immobilization of the bottom. Although, in this article, I will describe “saran wrap” mummification, technology has given us other tools for this type of play – most notably vacuum body bags. Although vacuum play renders the bottom immobile and is rather effective from a play point of view, the saran wrap variety is much more visual and gets more “wows” at a play party.
Saran wrap mummification is fun, easy and inexpensive. It places the bottom in a situation of powerlessness and sensory deprivation which allows him to float off, forget problems, and offer complete trust to the Top. The Top derives enjoyment and satisfaction from the sense of total control and from the pleasure he/she is giving the bottom.
For saran wrap mummification you’ll need about 75 feet of this (avoid thinner brands that keep tearing as you work) and a few yards of duct tape (silver is OK, but red and black are flashier). You can get the big rolls – in many colors – from the U-Haul store and/or Home Depot.
A second Top is very handy for keeping the bottom from falling. This is the bottom’s greatest fear, and he/she must be reassured verbally as well as physically that this will not happen.
In this basic article, we will not discuss advanced elements such as using gags, catheters, or breathing tubes during mummification. The following precautions can be violated only if you are very experienced with measures necessary to ensure the safety of the bottom.
1. Have “safety scissors” on hand in case you must quickly cut the bottom out; note that this is not a quick operation. [Safety scissors, which have one blunt end, can be obtained at surgical supply or fetish stores.]
2. Leave both nasal and mouth passages open to assure no breathing problems. Since the submissive can’t move, check often to be sure the bottom does not begin to choke.
3. Be sure the bottom has urinated if the scene will be long.
4. Put some type of padding (such as cotton) between the bottom’s knees and ankles if they touch when his/her legs are together. Otherwise the tight bindings will eventually cause unwanted discomfort.
5. For longer scenes, offer water to the bottom periodically to prevent dehydration due to excessive sweating. Have towels ready when you unwrap him/her.
6. If he/she begins to panic, especially when in a head mask, comfort and reassure him/her as you quickly uncover his eyes and remove the mask. Having the bottom count slowly from 10 to 1 out loud may restore calmer breathing.
Do not rush your mummification. Wrapping with saran wrap is a major event, not just a preliminary to a scene. It can easily take 30 minutes, and longer if you like, especially if accompanied by verbal commentary.
Instead of duct tape, you might do an upper body “overwrap” using colored wrap. You could also add rope decorations or make a rope harness. Use your ingenuity. But keep checking on the bottom for safety.
Another rather impressive way to wrap your mummy is in cloth — just like a real Egyptian mummy! Horse supply stores often carry “Standing Bandages,” which look much like ace bandages. A package of 4 rolls, each 12 feet long, costs less than $30 (you’ll need 2 packages). Get the 5.5-inch width if possible. Black is especially stunning.
Emergence, as it is called, is when you free the “mummy” from the wrapping. Be sure to maintain support when you unwrap him/her (or cut the submissive out with safety scissors), unless he/she is lying down. Unwrap slowly; too often the ending of a scene is not given the attention it deserves and requires. Have toweling ready to dry him/her, as the sub will likely be sweating profusely. Hold him/her, hug him/her and gently talk the submissive back to earth – much like any aftercare.
Mummification is not only makes for a great scene for both top and bottom, but is also a terrific crowd pleaser in public play. Although this article is far from a complete guide to mummification, if you are cautious and observant, you can have a great scene even on the first try!
From the title of this article you may have assumed that you would find a list of specific toys that are great for beginners. However, since I like to keep readers on their toes – that is not exactly what you are going to get. I will reference specific toys of course – but the list is written with a broader stroke of the brush. Enjoy…
1) Hands
In my opinion your hands are the best implements you have. They are also quite convenient – no need to remember to pack them or find space for them. Although cleaning is still essential! Lol You can do so many things with them – spanking, punching, pinching, tickling, squeezing, pressure points, scratching, massage, hair pulling, face slapping….the list goes on and on! They can be used in a sensual way, for sexual touch, light to heavy, thuddy, or stingy.
2) Toys with shorter length
In general, if you are using toys that you don’t feel like you have control over or you’re having trouble with aim and precision, it could be the length. This is especially true when a toy has flexibility .When you are choosing toys look for things that aren’t as long. For floggers this could mean shorter falls, shorter handle, or both. Shorter crops or straps with more handle than body. If you already have toys that seem a bit too long then try “choking up” until it gets more comfortable. Even with standard handle floggers you can hold the top of the handle (closest to the falls) rather than the end or middle of the handle.
3) Sensation toys
Play isn’t all about impact or other implements or types of play that require more skill and practice. Use things to create different sensations. One thing that’s great is going back and forth between sadistic and pleasurable sensations. Use things like feathers, wartenberg wheels, fur, water, ice, etc. These are wonderful to use in scenes whether you are leaning on them to make up for skill level or if you are a very experienced player! A scene doesn’t need to be all about “hitting them with stuff”. For temperature play, besides using water (at different temps) and ice, you can also take toys or things made of metal and put them in the fridge so that for the scene they are nice and chilly. Just pressing them against skin that is freshly played with can create a lovely reaction!
4) Toys for impact
As you may have noticed, most of what I’ve referred to in #1 and #2 has been impact toys. Try to avoid toys that can break the skin. If you use vampire gloves for sensation – be careful about using them for impact. Knife play, single tails, and other such toys should be used with caution and only after you know what you’re doing with them.
5) Non-toy play
In addition to toys, there are many other things you can introduce in play that are not a danger at all physically, however, need to be well negotiated! Things like role play can enhance any scene no matter the implements or skill level. Consensual humiliation or beginner level fear play are also things that you can “play with” as a beginner. However, as I mentioned PLEASE negotiate these things very carefully!
Whatever you do, remember to play safely, with consent and have FUN!
Jennifer Masri is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, specializing in Alternative Lifestyles for individual and relationship issues. She also teaches the BDSM 101 class series at Sanctuary LAX in Los Angeles every Monday evening. Read more about Jennifer on her blog, A Kink Shrink.
I’ve been wanting to write on a topic that is near and dear to by heart; exhibitionism or rather the act of drawing attention to yourself and/or being naked in public. If you’re purely looking at the textbook definition, it seems quite limited. In my opinion, exhibitionism spans over many parts of BDSM which I will attempt to cover in this article. Personally I very much enjoy it but reader beware, it is not for everyone!
I do not crave to be naked in vanilla public, though there are some who enjoy this particular fetish. I have done some semi-fetish photo shoots (on the tame side) in lingerie in public but that’s as far as I’ll go. I’d urge you to use caution as public nudity is not only illegal in most cases but also forcing your kink onto unsuspecting vanillas, something I’ve written on in past articles and discourage.
There is something to be said about “public play” in dungeons however. There are also limitless ways you can monopolize on this setting for those who are interested in exhibitionism. I find pleasure in exhibitionism as a combination of both humiliation and a desire to be seen. I’m both embarrassed and delighted to be shown off in public. While this may sound like a bit of a contradiction, I’ve spoken to many submissives/bottoms who share a similar sentiment when incorporating exhibitionism. The desire to please your Dominant by following his/her direction in public, taking any pain or punishment they may be giving, dressing up in something scandalous-all of these are factors that contribute to positive feelings within exhibitionism. Some submissives find joy in being dressed up like the dominant’s play thing-to be walked around by a leash or on their arm. The important thing to remember regarding is that it’s playing a large part into the submissive headspace. You can experience subspace from exhibitionism alone which is fascinating, if you think about it. You neither have to deliver any impact, rope, or even use toys for that matter-all you need is your submissive and a public play space with which to parade them around.
I’ve also seen exhibitionism used as punishment. Perhaps your submissive is in need of some “training” or they have become complacent in their role and relationship. What better way to show them a lesson than at the hands of other dominants? I once witnessed a submissive shackled in a spreader bar by the arms. There was a sign dangling around his neck proclaiming him to be a naughty submissive in need of punishment. Several implements were hanging from the spreader bar including a crop, flogger, cane, and a paddle. Anyone was welcome to come up and deliver said punishment to the submissive. As an extra layer to the situation, he was also wearing a ball gag so had no ability to speak. Before any of you cry safety foul, I also observed the sub’s dominant nearby, keeping an eye on the situation should she need to intervene. Obviously the two shared a deep connection and trust for this type of improvised scene to occur. The submissive seemingly was extremely experienced thus could handle any number of impact toys and levels of pain. I found the entire set up extremely titillating and exciting! To be placed on display, called out for disobedience and asking for other people to deliver punishment was just diabolical!
As with any type of new play, it’s best to discuss potential scenarios with your play partner to make sure you’re on the same page. As the top, you can always throw in surprises to keep your sub on their toes! Remember that the largest part of exhibitionism (at least for me) is the mental aspect so it’s best to go slow and work up to more “extreme” public displays. Happy flaunting!
anniebear is a submissive living with her partner Dexx in Los Angeles. She enjoys writing, modeling for friends, animal rescue, and teaching herself how to cook. You can catch her on Fetlife or Facebook.
Interested in exploring pet-play? Pet-play involves one participant (the submissive / bottom) dressing, acting like, and being treated as a pet. This is actually one of the most commonly enjoyed kinks, and is very popular (from my anecdotal experience in the community) with female submissives in particular. Some of the more common animals that people like to channel include puppies, kittens and foxes. There is a whole separate sub-genre for those interested in pony play.
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I personally never thought this would be an area that would interest me. However the longer I’ve been playing in the scene, the more I have learned about it, and the more I have come to find my own inner animal. A pet play scene can help reinforce a dynamic, having the submissive focus even more on the direction and command of the Dominant. Being that most animals do not speak, a submissive must learn better ways to communicate with body language or better yet, simply comply with the commands like a good pet.
While pet play can cover a large area of kink interest, for the purpose of this article I’m going to outline how you could do one of my favorite pet-play scenes: puppy play. There are also some wonderful pictures below showing a great kitty play scene from our friends at hardtied.com. As you explore pet play, you may discover your inner ferret or fox, I’ve even seen representations of turtles and various birds. Let this article be your guide into new territory and make sure to let us know how it goes in the comments!
Things to get: BDSM puppy pet-play scene
– Dog treats (Extra tip: fool your sub into thinking you are going to make them eat actual animal treats by simply replacing the food inside of the animal treat packaging with people food such as bits of cereal. Dexx totally fooled me on this one)
– Doggy bowl
– Some type of gag (e.g. bone gags)
– Dog toys or balls to play fetch
– Some bondage mitts to turn those hands into paws
– Puppy pee pads and drop cloth
– Dog bed or you can fashion blankets or pillows into a sleeping area
– Dog crate or cage (optional)
– Electric shock collar (optional and only if you’re feeling extra sadistic. Make sure to test this on yourself before using it on your submissive)
Most of this stuff you can find rather inexpensively at pet stores.
As always, you’ll start the scene by negotiating and checking for any health issues that could impact play. Since pet play requires a bit of crawling, you’ll want to make sure your pet is in capable condition. You can assist in bringing your submissive into a pet headspace by having them kneel down in front of you. Assign them a pet name if you wish or you can even have your submissive provide a chosen pet name for themselves that will only be used for the duration of the scene OR perhaps longer if they find that they relate to their pet persona outside of a play scene.
Attach the collar and leash to your puppy and take them for a walk. It’s important to start treating them like a puppy and maintaining that dynamic. Make sure to still ask questions and offer praise, but if your submissive tries to respond verbally either repeat the question or go ahead and take this opportunity to gag them. You can also have a cane or paddle on hand to offer swats of encouragement during the walk. Obviously we would never hit a real life puppy, but this is your consenting submissive puppy so some rules can be broken in their training. Offering questions like, “Have you been a good girl/boy?” or “Did you potty outside today like a good doggy?” are a good place to start. While on the walk, you can offer training to your puppy. Command them to heel, sit, or high five. Dexx uses an actual puppy training guide that has been pretty handy for him.
If your pet has somehow avoided the gag, reward them with a treat making sure they can see the box or packaging you pull it from. You may encounter some resistance from them towards eating the treat but remind them that punishment will come if they refuse to eat the treat. They’ll catch on pretty quickly. Lead them to a water bowl (barring the gag of course) for a drink. Heck, have the puppy drink the entire bowl in preparation for the….
Bonus scene tip! During their walk, you can decide it’s time to go potty. You can have the puppy pads pre-set (we recommend multiple pads spread around and a plastic painters drop cloth underneath just in case-don’t worry, your puppy can clean up the mess later). Encourage your puppy to go potty. Depending on the puppy, it may take a ton of encouragement. If your property allows it, you may skip the pee pad and take them outside to the backyard to go potty. Make sure to reward them with another treat.
After your puppy has completed a walk, it’s now time for open play time. Break out the toys and balls and play some fetch. Reward them with a pat on the head or a rub on the behind or belly.
You can conclude the scene by putting your puppy to nap on the doggy bed or putting them away in their crate/cage while you relax and watch TV or any other task. Personally, I find being placed away in a cage for some quiet time to be relaxing but others prefer to be close to their dominant or master.
I hope these ideas help you create your own pet play scene. As with all types of play and kink, pet play isn’t for everyone so make sure you and your partner proceed with an open mind. We can’t wait to hear how it goes!