Want to expand your consensual punishment repetoire?
Want to deepen your understanding of discipline?
Then, check out this amazing video by Ms. Elle X!
The *Ultimate* Guide to Non-Physical BDSM Punishments | Ms. Elle X – YouTube
punishment
Alternatives To Physical Punishment
Want to learn how to better discipline your submissive?
Then, check out this amazing video by the fabulous Evie Lupine!
Alternatives to Physical Punishment: MORE Effective Discipline! [BDSM]
![Alternatives to Physical Punishment: MORE Effective Discipline! [BDSM]](https://www.kinkweekly.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-youtube-lyte/lyteCache.php?origThumbUrl=https%3A%2F%2Fi.ytimg.com%2Fvi%2FZujDlLM_z8c%2F0.jpg)
On Discipline
I hope you have been enjoying Rika’s Lair, my monthly column dedicated to thoughts and experiences regarding power dynamics in Service-Oriented D/s relationships. Look up “Ms. Rika” in the search box for links to all of my articles in KinkWeekly!
As we all know, one of the composite phrases in the acronym, BDSM, is B&D: Bondage and Discipline. In this context, discipline is defined as actions that are applied to the submissive, while the submissive is bound and incapable to resist. Discipline could be impact play, humiliation, chores, etc. Urban Dictionary has a reasonable definition for B&D: “used in reference to practices involving physical restraint and punishment”
Of course, “Discipline” has other meanings, both within, and outside of the context of B&D. The Oxford definition has several, two of which are particularly pertinent to this discussion. The first is also often thought of in a BDSM context: “The practice of training people to obey rules or a code of behavior, using punishment to correct disobedience.” The second interpretation offered by Oxford hits home for me in a big way: “Training oneself to do something in a controlled and habitual way”.
In a sense, the subtle differences between these two definitions harken back to my discussion on the different viewpoints people have on submission: That submission is either the passive or active role. There are those who feel that submission is about having things done TO you by a dominant, whereas others (like myself) prefer to think of submission as being dedicated to doing things FOR a dominant that the dominant feels is FOR them. In the first, submission is passive: Things are done to you. In the second, submission is active: You are doing things for the dominant.
In this same way, the first definition of discipline is about doing TO the submissive. The submissive is the recipient of training; the recipient of punishment and adjustment. The goal of this discipline is obedience, as defined by the dominant. The dominant is the one doing the discipline…the sub is accepting it. This is what many people think of as submission. The goal of the submissive is to ACCEPT the discipline and adjust their behavior.
The second definition is focused on the submissives themselves. The submissive is structuring their own behavior to act in a specific way. They are providing and generating the energy required to enforce their own desired traits. They are motivated by an “ideal behavior”.
For those who have talked to me, read my books, or read my articles here in KinkWeekly, you already know that my preference is for subs to be self-disciplined. Self-discipline, in a power dynamic as a submissive, implies that the ideal behavior to which you are aspiring, is known to serve the dominant the way the dominant prefers to be served. The dominant sets and communications the ideal, the submissive works to achieve it.
This is very different than having discipline thrust upon you. When you are “trained to obey”, your behavior is motivated by the consequences of not obeying. The discipline is manifested in the form of punishment and behavior modification. Contrast this to self-discipline, in which the dominant communicates desired behavior and the submissive chooses to structure themselves to deliver against that specification, motivated by their desire to serve the dominant in the best way they can.
To me, this is fundamentally the difference between “Submission” and “Acquiescence”. Read my article on this subject, or my books, for more information about this distinction.
So, when a sub boasts about how much they can accept, absorb, or endure…when they talk about punishment and the need for restriction in order to remain focused on serving – I quickly lose interest. I have no interest in manipulating submission. My interest is in defining submission clearly, so that my submissives can provide the self-discipline needed to fulfill their need to submit to me.
A sub who demonstrates discipline is far more valuable to me than one who accepts discipline. If you’re a dominant and feel the same way, communicate that to your submissives. Change the way they think of submission. If you’re a submissive, consider that your dominant may prefer you to be more self disciplined…and may not have even thought it “proper” to ask it. I strongly recommend that you use these definitions as a discussion-point to help you further define your power dynamic with your partners. It’s one of many steps on the road to mutual fulfillment!
Ms. Rika is a lifestyle dominant, educator, and author; living in the suburbs of NYC with her husband/slave. She has written several popular books on her approach to adding Dominant-Centric, Service-Oriented D/s to relationships. You can find her books (in both print and eBook formats) at Lulu.com (http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/msrika), or at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, the iStore, Books-A Million, Kobo.com, or anywhere books are sold. Search for “Ms. Rika”. Write to me at Ms_Rika@hotmail.com
Erotica: Echie Grown
***all pieces of erotica are based on safe, sane, and consensual practices. We never condone anything that is NOT consensual.
“Thrall, come here,” he said, wiping his fingers on a cloth in his lap.
She was the only other Thrall in camp besides Peeper, so Echie knew he must mean her. She hurried around the ring of officers. “I don’t have wine, Master.”
“I don’t want you to fill my goblet. Put the pitcher on my table and assume the position.”
She complied and was kneeling beside his table in seconds, knees wide and arms loose, looking up to him with confusion.
“I’ve been watching. Do you feel as changed as you look?”
Her mouth dropped open, mind startled into silence. “I—I don’t know how to answer, Master.”
The play of emotion on her face was new as well. None of the anger that used to be there.
“Not once in these days since I arrived have I seen you paddled. Not once have you earned a punishment. This is not normal and I have noticed. What has brought about this change?”
She blinked at him, taking pause. Also a new action for her. Echie spoke quick, heedless to any impropriety.
“Master Jacek , Your Highness,” she said quietly.
“How has he managed to do what no one else could?”
“I—I don’t know, Master.”
“That answer is not acceptable. Give it again and I will cane you. What is it Master Jacek does that makes the most disobedient cunt in court suddenly become the example for all on what a good slave should be? Answer me.”
“It has not felt so sudden to me, Master,” she nearly whispered, eyes lowered. “It has been a very long and hard road. What does Master Jacek do?” She looked up to Preece again, disconcertion plain in her eyes. “Everything. He demands more of me than anyone else ever has.”
“His punishments are worse than mine?”
She nodded.
“What is his punishment when you misbehave?”
“I kneel in the corner.”
“That’s it?” Preece questioned. “He puts you in the corner of his tent and this is somehow a worse punishment than my favorite cane?”
Echie nodded, swallowing nervously. She had to answer honestly, but was beginning to fear that she was going to anger him.
“Why?” he asked, keeping his tone even and non-threatening.
“Why, Master?”
“That is what I said.”
She shifted her weight, eyes lowering again to think and not looking up again when she had her answer. Yes, very different indeed.
“Because to have your cane is to have your attention. To have a paddling from one of the grooms, or Morcone or…anyone…is to have some sort of attention paid to me. The sting for the rest of the day and the marks for a day or two remind me of those attentions. When Master Jacek puts me in the corner, he does not touch me or speak to me. I am completely ignored until he is no longer angry with me. He also has me wait in a corner for him if he has no use for me but I am sent to him,” she ended offhand.
“No use for you? Does he not fuck you every chance he gets?”
“He does not, Master. Maybe one day in four.”
“I see. How is punishment different from waiting?” Preece asked.
“For punishment I face the corner, Master. For waiting, he now allows me to face the center of the tent and we may converse.”
“Now allows you to face center? Why now?”
“At first…well, when he first came…when I was…before—“ She stopped, took a breath. “Forgive me, Master…I really don’t—“ She halted again, realizing the word that was about to follow and searching fast for different ones. “…have words to explain.”
“Yes you do. Stop worrying that every word is going to get you into trouble and say what it is that Jacek did or does that makes you so changed. Don’t make me repeat the question again.”
Her brow creased, pinching her eyes in distress. She heaved a breath and started again.
“When I was bad, no one really seemed to care. The Masters would smile and chuckle and it didn’t matter. I could be as bad as I wanted and no one did anything but give me some whacks. I wasn’t special to anyone, like Hanar is special to Master Rainko and Dohan was special to you. Not even when I was the King’s favorite, short lived as that was,” she mused. “I didn’t have anyone to please because no one expected me to try to please. Master Jacek never smiled or laughed when I was bad. He was the only one who ever told me so long as I continued to behave in that manner I would never be anything more than a cunt for fucking.”
Her brow creased, not liking the thought.
“I realized he was right. Even the Queen only saw me as a disobedient cunt. That’s why she brought me on the tour to be the example on how to discipline. She expected me to be bad and earn punishments so she could show the entire country how to properly punish a disobedient cunt.”
A realization she did not like one bit.
“Jacek was the only one who insisted I behave,” she continued in softer tone. “From the first time we met, Jacek told me I would wait in the corner until he wanted to use me. And that I would earn the privilege of serving his table.”
“Did he even have you serve his wine?” Preece asked, finding her tale an interesting one.
“Cunts only fuck. They do not serve Master wine. Cunts don’t have a name or open doors and they don’t speak. They are a set of orifices for use and nothing more.”
“How did you like that?”
“I didn’t, Master. Not one bit. For the first time since I can remember, I wanted to please someone. I had to work to please him, work to earn my name, even to wear the flowers of Thrall.”
“And so here you are two months later, sitting to the Queen’s left.”
Echie nodded, her eyes coming up to his in plain truth. “I don’t know how it happened. I was just trying to get through one day after the next, sometimes one hour into the next.”
“When is the last time you were caned or paddled?”
She had to think on that. “For punishment or for Master’s pleasure, Master?” she asked.
“Punishment.”
Her face pulled back, eyes widening as her mind sought backwards. “Um…a couple weeks, I guess?”
“And the last you got for a Master’s pleasure?”
“A couple nights before we arrived at Lord Quye’s home, I think.”
“Is a caning something you want to have for pleasure now?” he asked.
“Not particularly, Master,” she replied quietly.
“Why not?”
“I’d rather have intimate attentions and be close with touching and kisses than receive a caning, Master.”
“Why?” he pursued.
“I don’t kn—I mean…” She sighed hard and he could see she was coming close to tears for trying to supply so many acceptable answers.
“Is it that you have found the value in Master’s most tender touch when before all you understood of love was his paddle?”
Her relief was visible and she nodded vehemently.
Preece looked to Dohan and Jacek sitting across from him with empty dinner trays. “Doe, go to my wagon and bring the short frame. Show Jacek how to set it up.”
Echie startled out of her skin, having not heard the two men return to eat. How long had Jacek been listening? Had he heard her full confession?
The wood rectangle was brought and Jacek learned how to stake it to the ground on both sides. The base was a square for stability and the overhead portion high enough to stretch a slave tall on her knees. When it was ready, Preece stood in front and snapped his fingers sharply. Peeper and Echie both presented themselves, looking up to him and waiting. He pointed at Echie, then gestured to the frame. She crawled forward and he swiftly bound her wrists overhead. Walking around to see her from all sides, he noticed the soldiers drifting over to watch the show.
“Peeper, service this quim until you are told to stop.”
Echie’s mouth fell open in a gasp. She had never been strung up to a tree in the courtyard to receive such reward. She had always been one to make a slave scream and cum for the Masters’ enjoyment. Tonight it would be her squirming and her crying out to amuse their eyes and ears.
Peeper’s wide open mouth closing over the flesh of her womanly mound held a new, sensuous quality, the eyes of the soldiers new meaning. The sound of a strap landing caused her to flinch as if it struck her own back. He didn’t swing the strap hard, only enough to make a good noise and give Peeper a little incentive. He was careful to aim for her upper back, keeping well away from her bruised bottom. It wasn’t long before she had Echie straining in the shackles and screeching in climax. The soldiers chuckled and commented on Preece’s strap technique.
He barely heard them, attention focused tightly on the two slaves, gauging every movement and expression. He paused the strap to step inside his tent and bring out his thicker cane. An end under Peeper’s chin backed her from Echie to wait. He rolled his sleeves another flip to rest above his elbows. A hand slid down Echie’s arms to cup her breast and give a firm squeeze as he bent low to Peeper’s ear to whisper instructions.
Cane in right hand, strap in the other, he brought the strap down on the diagonal to land a long kiss from right shoulder blade to left ribs. She rose up to lip Echie’s nipple and he gave her a few seconds before swinging the cane. It struck Echie’s right buttock and she gasped with the thudding jolt. No pain, but the smack was firm. A strike to Peeper, the next to Echie, increasing each in force and speed until Echie was taking as hard as he wanted to deliver it. Not nearly as hard as he could swing, of course. Not nearly so hard as Peeper could tolerate. But strength wasn’t the point. Making her scream wasn’t the point, though her grunts and gasps were gorgeous. She took a full hour, perfectly capable of taking more.
Squirming and tensing on her knees, Peeper’s lips offering a tender caress to balance the sudden, thuds, Echie was being driven to a new level of need. When he slid his hand, cool and soft, over her hot, welting buttock, she shivered for him in a way she had not previously. His hand slipped between and under to find her slickness. The touch sent a gruff, startled cry from her, brought her jerking downward in spontaneous climax. The shackles would not let her go far, however.
The soldiers chuckled knowingly, joked about how she could take them all on. Preece grinned at Captain Kron’s declaration that he would have her first.
“If I ordered her to, I’m sure she would. But I think she is craving the cock of a specific Master,” he said, handing Peeper the cane and sending her to his tent with it.
He bent again, to Echie’s ear, his hand under her chin to force her face upward. Her eyes fluttered open, glazed and dreamy. Her first deep and real Dream Space.
“When you please Master Jacek, you please me. When you displease Master Jacek, you displease me.” He opened the shackles, expecting the fall to her forearms on the wooden platform.
“You could all mount her exactly like this and she wouldn’t give a single protest. Would you, cunt?” he asked, the tip of his boot nudging her thigh.
Gasping for air, she couldn’t reply. She had known the beating slave’s dream space from many, many paddlings, but this was the first time she had been given sexual stimulation during any beating. It was totally different, far deeper a sensation, like floating half outside herself. Certainly the longest caning she had taken. She had not wanted it to end. He’d not even touched her left butt cheek. Or her thighs. There was much more caning to be done before she would be satisfied it was enough.
“Master Jacek, the slave Echie is to be rewarded for her honesty and her diligent service this day. Use her as you choose.”
Excerpt from the novel PEEPER
Universal link: https://books2read.com/u/bOxRLK
TylerRose. is known as Dame Tyler in the NYC public SM/Fetish scene. She’s been doing this BDSM stuff for over 30 years in private and more than 10 years in public venues.
She is an award-winning author who has written two “lifestyle”, four cartoon, and over twenty fiction books that you can find on Amazon. https://www.amazon.com/TylerRose./e/B00HCPLSP2
You can find more of her work in Fetlife: https://fetlife.com/users/305828
FB Fan Page — https://www.facebook.com/TylerRoseGethis/
FB Regular page — https://www.facebook.com/TylerRoseAuthor
She enjoys crochet, coffee, and baking, and will no doubt die with a thesaurus open on her thigh.
The Punishment Dilemma
Dirk Hooper Professional Photography-http://www.DirkHooper.com
Dirk Hooper Professional Photography-Last week I answered a submitted question. It proved popular so I will answer another BDSM question – this one from a discussion at the legendary Los Angeles dungeon, the Lair deSade.
“I am a new Domme and have been trying to learn as much as possible. One thing truly baffles me. If I find a submissive who likes pain, and it seems that most do, how do I punish him? If he likes flogging, for example, I can’t really flog him as punishment, can I? How should I approach this dilemma?
This is a very common question; I wondered the same thing when I started my BDSM journey. It is only natural to contemplate how you punish a submissive who loves pain with pain. In my opinion, there are three distinct responses to your query.
The first one addresses the use of punishment in the training of a submissive. Who says you have to actually punish a slave to maintain discipline? There are many slaves to whom the Master’s displeasure is more than enough to keep them in line. They rarely, if ever, require physical punishment. After all, did you need bodily punishment in school to get you to do your homework? The disapproval of your parents or peers was usually enough. It can be argued that to achieve lasting behavior modification, no matter how minimal, that the desire to do so trumps any exercise in reprimand. With a “self-correcting slave,” to coin a phrase, the mere look of dissatisfaction by the Master or Mistress will suffice; this slave will adjust his/her behavior to please the Dom/me, punishment or no punishment. This “self-correcting slave,” of course, doesn’t imply that “Mistress never works.” If you find a slave who fits this mold, you must still be firm, demanding and consistent in explaining what your requirements are. This slave needs as much guidance as a submissive who has to be physically punished. Don’t think you can just “sleep all day” and you will have the perfect slave. Basically, you must “discipline” her/him; but you are using a look of disapproval, a verbal reprimand or a word of guidance instead of physical castigation. It requires the same dedication to the task of training that the “punishment system” does.
The second analysis concerns the way pain registers in the brain. It can be argued that a spanking administered at a dungeon play party would invariably register as “pleasure” in the slave’s brain. Whereas a spanking given with a harsh look, under corporal conditions (“How did slave disappoint Mistress?” “I did not obey Her orders.”) would be perceived as pain — or even worse. Basically, the setup for the spanking will determine whether it is pleasurable or painful. Think of it like this. If you were spun upside down in a chair, you might consider it torture. Ride an amusement park ride that is similar to the upside down spinning chair and you will think of it as fun! Same stimuli, dissimilar mindsets, different results. Thus, you can discipline your “painslut”, if that is your desire, by setting up the punishment scene differently than a pleasure scene. The sub must know it is punishment to perceive it as such. Make sure you avoid the “spank me I’m a bad girl/boy” scenario because a painslut will eat this role-play alive. In this case, spank for fun. Not because she is a “bad submssive.”
Finally, not even the “King (or Queen) of Painsluts” has an affinity for every tool of torment. He/she might love the flogger but hate the paddle. Or a sub might worship the whip but despise the cane; or adore the crop but loathe tight bondage. Part of the fun of BDSM is experimentation. You should try every toy you can on your slave and find out those the submissive loves and those she/he hates. The key is to find at least one activity that the slave abhors. This might take some doing; you might have to live at the toyshop. But once you find that magical punishment implement, you are set. Remember, all you need is one!
About the Author:
After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.
This week in kink: May 28, 2018
www.voxart9.com
This week we are featuring an amazing artist named Brian Vox. To check out more of his work click here
About the Artist:
Brian Vox has been creating art for more than 40 years. His work ranges from acrylic to digital paintings and thematically tend to revolve around pinup, surreal, and fetish. Several works include mixed media design with his trademark steel cage-frames or beautiful Shibari rope. His work is darkly sensual. Evoking a beauty that is exciting to the senses. It contains a hint of something unreachable and unnerving, yet the overtone is sleek and erotic. He has always felt that the female forms portrayed have a power and strength. These are not damsels in distress. They are powerful creatures fully exuding their sexual confidence. Sometimes abstract, sometimes photorealistic. His work is intended to please the eye and excite the senses while allowing the viewer to initially question the topic and pull the beholder around and through the subject into a worId of the libidinous imagination.
www.voxart9.com
June 8 at 9pm at Lair de Sade (Los Angeles) Sinister Insight Night is hosting a submissive/slave training, punishment/discipline, reactance/resistance panel moderated by Slave Bunny.
Click Here For More Details.
We hope to see you all there!
www.voxart9.com
Ever wonder why powerful, upstanding men like to be spanked?
Click here to find out why.
www.voxart9.com
Pregnancy shouldn’t keep you from doing what you love! Click here to learn how to practice BDSM safely while pregnant.
Have some kinky news to share? Tell us about any upcoming BDSM events, new products, dungeon openings / closings, collarings, kink in mainstream media, and anything else you think kinky folks might be interested to hear about. Send your tips through to news@kinkweekly.com, and it might just end up on next week’s “This Week in Kink”
Healthy Dominance
www.voxart9.com
I have noticed there are a lot of new individuals in the community that seem to be unclear about what a D type really is. A lot of these individuals are also unaware of the responsibilities that come with being any rendition of a D type.
Being a Dominant entails so much more than just telling people what to do and getting your fantasies met by doing so.
Sure, Doms can consensually tell others what to do, and in doing so get their needs and wants met. However, there is so much a Dom must consider before making a demand.
First, the s type’s hard limits must be considered as well as their soft limits. It would go against the job description of any Dom to do anything that would actually physically or mentally harm the s type. The Dom must always keep the sub safe.
Soft limits should also be considered because some soft limits are situationally- based as well as mentally-based. What I mean by this is, some soft limits are only safe to be explored in certain settings and/or when the sub is in a certain headspace or feeling a certain way.
Second, what the s type can realistically handle and can physically/mentally do should be considered as well. The Dom should NEVER set the sub up to purposefully fail (unless this has been pre-negotiated and consented to). Now, the Dom can ask for things that might be trying and/or challenging for the sub (again as long as it is consensual and no hard limits are crossed). However, if the Dom knows that what is being asked has no chance of being successful, then I would highly recommend not asking for said thing. Furthermore, if what you wish to ask for is very important to you, you could potentially train the sub on what they cannot do at this time (in hopes that they can perform the task or fulfill the order in the future). Please note, that there are some things that cannot be trained and other things that can. It’s the Dom’s job to gather enough information to know the difference.
It’s also important to not get upset and/or angry at where the s type is currently. It’s always more beneficial to accept the s type, and proactively and practically work with them to help them serve you better. It’s totally acceptable to correct the s type’s behavior, but be careful not to correct who they are. This could negatively affect their self esteem.
If you find that you no longer wish to be in a power exchange dynamic with your sub, then that’s your right as well, and the healthiest break up protocols should be followed by all parties (these should be dynamic-specific).
Again, if you choose to stay with your submissive, it’s important to work with them as a team or at least consider them a part of the team even if all parties have agreed that the sub is considered less than the Dominant.
Third, the Dom should always take into account their own mental state and physical state. You may wish to discipline or punish at a particular moment, but realizing you should not punish until you calm down can be a sign of an aware Dom with great self control. Self control is paramount for both D types and s types. It can be your best friend when you want to do something, but realize you are not in the best headspace to do said thing.
I am also not recommending that punishments and/or discipline get thrown to the wayside because you are too angered and/or upset. I am merely suggesting to recognize when you are experiencing negative emotions that could impede your judgment, and then postpone punishment/discipline until you are in a calmer state. For example, you could tell your sub you will have their punishment for them within 24 hours, or let them know you need five minutes to cool off before talking to them about this, or you could tell them to wait in the corner and think about what they have done until you have calmed down (which would begin the punishment even before you are calm enough to continue talking about the matter). These are just a few options. There are many more to choose from.
Bottom line, the important thing is that you are always fair and just-even when punishing, disciplining, and/or correcting. When emotions are heightened that can put fairness and justice on the back burner. Just like a submissive may have to train on specific skills, so might a Dominant. The difference in training is that the sub has the Dom leading the training, process, and the Dom has to lead their own training (unless the Dom has a D type of their own or a mentor). Doms are people too, and their emotions need to kept in check just as much as subs.
Often, Doms are role models for their subs. With this being said, it would be in the Dom’s/relationship’s best interest to model the behavior and/or core values they wish the sub to exhibit/live by. I am in no way saying that Dominants should act submissive, or behave exactly like their s types, or have the same behavior protocols. I am merely stating that if a Dominant wants their submissive to be honest, they themselves should be honest.
I have often heard debates on whether or not Doms should apologize to their subs and/or talk to them about their errors.
I am a firm believer that it is the D type’s responsibility to own their error and make necessary modifications as needed. Now do they need to grovel or give a lengthy apology?- NO!
But they at least need to be willing to adjust things so the s type is safe and not put under potentially harmful physical and/or mental strain.
It’s human to have too high or unrealistic expectations. I am sure these things happen in nearly every power exchange relationship. And that’s totally okay. The essential thing for Doms is that you make healthier adjustments as needed. This requires you to be flexible, humble, and caring about your s type’s well-being to some degree.
In short, it’s important to know when to healthily/consensually push, and when to modify. Every situation is different, and a Dom’s task is often to balance challenge and adjustment.
It’s also important for a Dom to carefully observe not only the s type’s words and overt actions, but also their subtler mannerisms such as body language. You can often learn more about what the sub thinks and who they are by paying attention to these things. Doms who note these kinds of things will have more success in knowing when to push and when to pull back.
I have always heard mindfulness talked about from a sub’s and slave’s perspective, but mindfulness is greatly needed for everyone in any kind of dynamic.
Unhealthy implementation of dominance can create resentment, willful disobedience, and even dynamic dissolution. Healthy dominance can breed respect, trust, happiness, obedience, and a very strong foundation for any power exchange dynamic.
The D type wields all or most of the power in a relationship and/or scene. Because of this, it is up to them to set the tone and establish the path the dynamic will be on.
Of course, it is the responsibility of the s type to want to serve and to follow what the D type has prescribed. However, the D type is the leader and creates the overall ambiance of the exchange/relationship.
In closing, D types should be humble, logical, stable, understanding, intelligent, and in tune with their s types (this last point may vary based on whether one is talking about a scene, a power exchange relationship, or pick-up play. Nonetheless, the D type must be in tune with the s type to some degree. The D type cannot act as if the s type isn’t there and their boundaries don’t exist).
I hope this article has helped others gain a better understanding of D types’ responsibilities.
As always, thanks for reading and stay tuned!
Click here for the sister article- Healthy Submission
About the Author:
Slave Bunny, a 1950’s power slave, is involved in a wonderful and loving TPE 24/7 M/S relationship with her Master and husband. She is also the Creative Director of Kink Weekly.
She has dedicated her life to working on herself mentally, spiritually, and physically, and hopes to inspire others to do the same. Through teaching and mentoring, she hopes to help everyone in the Kink community as much as she can.
Feel free to add her on Fetlife (Slave_Bunny992) to see her upcoming workshops and classes.
Punishment
Mistress Eva with sub. Check out more pictures at https://www.youwillpleaseme.com/
Mistress Eva with sub. Check out more pictures atOne of the most popular — and exciting — features of D/s is the training of a submissive by a Dom/me. Usually this entails the use of both positive and negative reinforcement – the negative side typically being punishment. I had covered the technical aspects of punishment in two previous articles here on kinkweekly.com – The Punishment Manual Part 1 (https://www.kinkweekly.com/article-baadmaster/punishment-manual-part/) and The Punishment Manual Part 2 (https://www.kinkweekly.com/article-baadmaster/punishment-manual-part-ii/ ). But I wanted to address many questions that remained with regards to punishment.
I also wished to add a warning that BDSM life in the year 2018 would require. Unless you are in a long-term D/s relationship – and even if you are – I would take one important step before you start to train any submissive. Make sure you have a signed and/or videoed consensuality agreement with the submissive you are training – especially if you are using serious physical punishment in your schooling. In this day and age, one can never be too careful. Now back to the topic at hand!
Ideally, when a Dominant starts to train a submissive, the object is to mold the sub to the Dom/me’s specifications. The traditional BDSM – and most effective — way to do this is though the judicious use of punishment…and reward. Contrary to myth, punishment (meaning something the submissive truly hates as opposed to a spanking which he/she may secretly enjoy) by itself will not train a submissive or a slave successfully. Or at least not as effectively as the use of both punishment and reward.
In general terms, the Dominant trains his submissive to please him or her. One of the most fun things in BDSM (and surely the most popular) is training a submissive in ways to please the Dominant sexually. The Dom/me might train his/her submissive how to pleasure him/her orally, how to dress in a way that turns him/her on, how to make-up and even how to walk. So let’s peek into a submissive’s diary to see what being “trained to please your Master” really entails. (This is an actual slave’s diary!)
Sir called me over to present myself for inspection. I knew the routine well. After all, he had been training me to do it exactly his way for a month now. And his punishment for getting it wrong – sitting in the corner for an hour – is just too painful to bear. I spread my legs – bare, wearing five inch high heels and no panties as He had instructed – and stood in front of him, eyes cast down. He touched my pussy. He felt it. He put his fingers in it, into “his property” as he called it. I felt a rush of pride until he told me that I hadn’t done an acceptable job shaving my pussy.
He stared at me in silence, then he punished me by slapping my face once. It did not hurt; but it was so humiliating. I do not think I will ever forget to shave to his specifications again. It was that humiliating.
He then had me suck his cock. I did it exactly the way he had trained me, the ways he likes it. I was scared I might displease him like before; but he told me “good slave” as he got hard as a rock. Sir then had me use my hands to make him cum. Afterward, he praised me and told me how much I pleased him. This was made me feel so wonderful. I love pleasing Sir so much.
(Note: if this slave ever had “buyer’s remorse” for the face slapping, you will be glad you have a signed and/or videoed consensuality agreement. It is not ironclad legal insurance, but it sure helps if problems arise.)
In this above case, both punishment and reward were used so that the Dominant could get his slave to do things exactly the way he desired them. The punishment, in this case, did not entail extreme pain. A simple face slap did the trick because this Master understood his submissive well enough to know what she truly hated. Many times a Dominant automatically thinks a spanking or even a caning is the proper punishment. This is not necessarily the case — and surely not for a “painslut” (slang for a submissive who enjoys pain). The best punishment is that which the submissive hates. But the Dominant should never forget reward, either.
This use of both punishment and reward applies to non-sexual tasks as well. In BDSM “discipline” training – which ranges from proper use of etiquette to complex presentation rituals — the principles remain the same. A Dominant who only uses punishment as a training tool is using only half of his arsenal.
Of course, the obverse is true. Reward alone, too, is usually an inefficient training tool. When a submissive fails in tasks or training, swift punishment is perhaps the only way to call attention to this failure.
The Dominant, much like a parent, should strive to make all punishments consistent. And they should be administered in a calm manner. The Dom/me who loses his/her temper and punishes out of rage will lose his submissive’s respect. And maybe his submissive too!
About the Author:
After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.
Part 3: Annie’s Punishment
Annie’s hair hung in a long straight curtain of gold until it waved and curled gently just below her shoulder blades. She perched on her toes. Her calf muscles stood out in high relief against her skin as she trembled under the strain. A quarter nestled between her nose and the wall and she held it in place as if her life depended on it, which of course, it did not. Scott walked into the room at intervals and stood behind her, sometimes coming close enough that his breath brushed against her neck. He didn’t say anything, didn’t touch her. His silence was worse than anything.
She was supposed to be thinking. When he released her from the wall she would have to tell him why she’d misbehaved. First, she told herself she hadn’t broken any specific rule. That was true. But, she’d carefully baited and laid a trap. This wasn’t the expected outcome. Her hope was that his version of punishment might include something more directly physical, something—with impact. Annie steadied her breath and let it flow out of her. She wanted more than anything to rest her heels on the floor, but the moment that happened he would take that as a sign that she was ready to talk. She wasn’t sure she ever would be. When he had asked her to strip, she thought for certain the plan was going to work. When he brought her to the wall, she thought there was still hope. The instructions fell from his lips with all the disappointment of air slipping out of a balloon.
He hadn’t paddled her in a while. One of the things she loved about Scott was that he knew how to put his hands on her and well, handle her. He wasn’t shy about it. Her limbs were fragile surrounded by his punishing fingers and demanding mouth. He moved her and positioned her and had her every way he wanted. The sex blew her mind. She wept from the pain and suffering of him pounding into her without remorse, ever opening, wishing she could somehow pull herself wider. Sometimes he said he wanted to slip under her skin. They couldn’t get close enough.
She was shaking and it had been too long already. One heel hit the floor in defeat and she slid nose to quarter, still holding it in position.
“Come here.”
Annie slipped the quarter between her teeth and slid down the wall until she was on all fours. Her calves relaxed in relief as her knees now dug into the hardwood floor and she began the slow crawl to where he stood. Eyes trained low each grain and groove brought her closer. Dark red pigment prickled at her neck and she fought to control it, knowing it was useless. She blinked to banish the tears filling her eyes, bulging against her lower lids and threatening to spot the floor. She wasn’t ready to talk. She still didn’t know what to say. The tips of his gleaming black shoes came into view. Shiny enough to see her reflection in them, if she could bear it. Annie knelt up and settled her hands behind her back. She rose like a puppet on a string, straightening her back and tilting her chin upward, the coin offered to him.
He took it and through lowered eyelids she saw him rub it once, twice, then pocket it.
“So there’s still the question to answer, girl.” He said softly. “Why?”
A breath shuddered through her and when she tried to answer a sob choked out. She just couldn’t say it. His hand slid into her hair like a comfort until his fingers tightened and squeezed.
“Look at me!” His voice was soft, exasperated.
Opening her eyes felt like unearthing a vein deep below the surface. She didn’t want to do it, but part of her wanted exactly that. Vulnerability rippled through her skin and made the hairs on her arms stand on end. She didn’t like that he didn’t understand her. She didn’t like that the words had stuck in her throat so many times that she had resorted to a stupid, childish game to get his attention.
“Annie, I need to understand. What’s going on with you?” His hand softened.
“I thought.” She started, then halted then blurted out the words. “I thought you would punish me.”
“Isn’t that what I just did?”
“No. I mean, yes. But no, not like that.”
Scott tilted his head and looked down on her contorted face, streaked with tears. Annie glanced over to the spanking bench disguised as a respectable ottoman near his chair. His eyes followed hers and he closed his eyes. His full lips flattened into a thin line as he shook his head.
“Like what?” He asked.
“I thought you would paddle me.” She said softly.
He watched her struggle, imagined the internal battle raging back and forth like some dark tennis match knocking at her heart. His hand slid down against her hair and he crouched down low to take her chin gently in his hand.
“Why would you want me to paddle you, Annie?” He asked.
As a lawyer, he’d been trained never to ask questions he didn’t already know the answer to—and he could have let her out of this so easy. So many times before he’d had her over that bench until she was crying and squirming and begging him for more. But, she’d never initiated anything like that. The truth was, he loved dominating her. He loved giving her the pain she craved, but he wanted her full participation. And while he’d expected that eventually she would ask him for it, instead of just willingly submitting to his whim, he hadn’t expected it to come about like this. Still, here they were and now he needed to hear it.
“Because…” Her voice drifted a little until he squeezed on her chin and her eyes opened wide. “It would hurt.”
“I’m not going to punish you that way, ever. We’ve talked about this.” He shook his head. “Why did you try to manipulate me?”
Her eyes widened at his understanding. Annie swallowed hard.
“I wanted it.” She whispered.
“Look at me when you say it and say it clearly.”
Her voice trembled loudly. “I wanted you to hurt me. I wanted to feel it. I need it.”
“That, was all you ever had to say, little one.” He stood up and gestured over to the bench.
Annie scurried over as he adjusted the screws on either side of the center compartment so that she could nestle her knees in the padding. He stroked her back as she shivered lightly.
“Before we begin..” He started. “This is not a punishment. We’ve already done that. You’re never to repeat that kind of behavior. I may call you my little girl and I may be a Daddy to you, but you are a grown woman and you will not hide these desires from me any more. Do you understand me?”
“I do, Daddy.” Annie whispered softly.
Her fingers gripped the edge of the bench as she relaxed into the leather. His first stroke was steady and sure, the leather side of the paddle smacking hard. A moan blew out of her half open mouth and tugged her lips up into a smile. This was it. What she needed and missed and wanted. He warmed her up slow until she lifted for him, offering herself to him, pulsing against the strokes. When he flipped the paddle to the wooden side she was more than ready. The sting shocked into skin and she felt herself shrink inward while her body did the impossible and reached out to him. He was catching her in the sweet spot, paddle spreading her cheeks and making contact with her pussy lips.
The war inside her mind commenced. Take the pain. Use the safe word. Pull away from him. Push back into him. Logic battled her to the end. Then the pain ceased and it was all sound and sensation reverberating through every muscle like an electric current. A low rumble tumbled out from deep in her chest, moans mixed with cries that no longer made any sense to her. His exertion was at the limit, his breath whooshing out of him as he laid each hard blow. The color on her cheeks now a mosaic of pink, red and white overlapping as he painted her in pain.
“Give it to me.”
His command came through gritted teeth. Each muscle inside her core wound up tight as the blows came impossibly hard and closer together. She was a star collapsing in on itself and then exploding out through her extremities, launching into another galaxy. Her throat choked on a cry so big it had to force its way through larynx, expanding vocal chords that she never new existed.
He covered her then, his body draping over her heaving soreness. Scott pressed his mouth into the hollow behind her ear as she cried.
“Never.” He panted. “Never, ever hide this from me.. It’s stunning. My beautiful, beautiful girl.”
And then.
Annie wept.
About the Author:
Writer of completely unladylike erotica and other sundry things. After discovering that people actually do these crazy, kinky things, she began exploring the lifestyle in 1993 and never looked back. She writes about her experience in authority based relationships, BDSM fiction and even the occasional hot sonnet. She is currently the assistant direction for MAsT Central New Jersey and the co-host of a submissive support group (SSASE) in the same area. Her work has appeared in Lit Up, P.S. I Love You, My Erotica.com, and The Junction. You can find her in these publications at: https://medium.com/@juliette.vandermolen and connect with her on Twitter @j_vandermolen and fetlife at: juliette_ .
The Punishment Manual Part II
In “The Punishment Manual, Part I,” we outlined the use of physical punishment in the training of a submissive or a slave. But, as I said, that is only half the story. The true aim of punishment is to imprint your displeasure on the sub’s mind so that he/she will not repeat the offense. So ultimately all punishment has at its core a mental aspect to it.
In this second part of the Punishment Manual, I will present many purely mental punishments. I have used some myself. Others have been designed by other Dom/mes. But you should not confine yourself to those listed here. The only limit is your imagination and your understanding of your sub’s psyche. And this is worth repeating (and I will): always use a safe word or safe signal. In isolation punishments use the technology available; use a camera/cellphone combo to watch your submissive for any signs of distress.
MENTAL PUNISHMENTS
The most important part of any punishment is the mental part. All physical punishments should be preceded by a lecture explaining what the submissive did to displease the Dom, Domme, Master, Mistress or Goddess. Explain what the submissive is being punished for. This is essential. I would also give the submissive a chance (if he/she so desires) to explain why he/she thinks the punishment is unwarranted. Most likely, this will turn into a brief excuse session. But keep an open mind. If you, as the Dominant, are mistaken or you misinterpreted the infraction, be big enough to admit it. You will grow in stature in the submissive’s eyes. The lecture is indispensable to the proper discipline of a submissive. It is as important as the penalty itself. These lectures or explanations should precede all punishments — whether physical or mental.
There are some Dom/mes who use the lecture as a punishment in and of itself. Some submissives respond strongly to disapproval. Since the object is to train the submissive; the Dominant should not need to use physical punishment — or more severe mental punishment — unless necessary. Use the least painful punishment (mental or physical) that will accomplish the task. If a lecture works — and that is all that is needed — by all means use that as your primary tool of discipline.
Many punishments mimic those used in grade school. Requiring your submissive to hand write a given phrase – such as “I will not disrespect Master/Mistress in public” — a hundred times (or more) works wonders. Another old school punishment is the classic “dunce cap” routine. There are innumerable variations on it. Standing in the corner for a given period of time – an hour or two, for example – is one version. Making the submissive literally wear a home made “dunce cap” (make the sub make it) is not only humiliating, it borders on the totally devious. Use this latter one with care since humiliation is not to be used for every submissive’s discipline. If humiliation is a hard limit, don’t go there. Even for discipline.
Speaking of humiliation, punishment based on humiliation (if applicable) can be awesome. Making the submissive wear a baby pacifier in public can be a humbling experience. If the submissive has been mouthy, an entire evening without being allowed to speak will do the trick. A very extreme humiliation – use with care – requires the submissive to wear a sign stating her offense at a BDSM play party. Or just make the slave watch and not participate (if he/she likes to play publicly) at such a BDSM party. Yet another one – make the sub or slave eat out of a bowl on all fours like a dog. (But make sure the sub or slave does not like this; if he/she does, use another punishment.)
Isolation is another mental punishment. Making the submissive stay in a small room or closet with no link to the outside world for a couple of hours can be maddening. And one a submissive might not ever wish to repeat. But make sure the submissive cannot sleep though it. Standing up can make sleep all but impossible. As stated before, a safe word in these extreme punishments is essential – as is a camera to observe the submissive’s mental state.
A less severe form of isolation – especially in the information age – is suspending the slave’s computer, Internet, email, cellphone or television privileges. This is one form of isolation that is quite effective as a punishment. Complete sensory deprivation for a period of time is yet another variation on this isolation theme. Ball gagged, blindfolded in a dark room – add sleep deprivation (wake the sub/slave from time to time) and you have a totally diabolical punishment. Use with care.
If your slave is trained for housework, then punishments such as re-folding towels that were done sloppily or being made to eat off dirty dishes that were improperly cleaned are widely used. The “let the punishment fit the crime” imperative is a wise one to follow.
Then there are those unique punishments you devise yourself. These are the most fun. And the most bonding – because they are unique to your relationship. I tied my submissive up in a room and played The Weather Channel LOUD for an hour. She hates the weather channel. I doubt if she lives to a hundred she will ever forget that one.
Just keep in mind that even mental punishments can have their dangers. To repeat, never use a hard limit as a punishment. But if you use your imagination and maintain a sense of what is fair, the use of mental punishment to train a submissive or slave can be as effective as physical ones. And when used in combination with physical ones…WOW!
Finally, no matter what punishments you have used, do not forget aftercare. A punishment session can be exhausting for the submissive, both physically and emotionally. Thus the same procedures for post-scene aftercare apply for punishment sessions as well.
By BaadMaster
After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.