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Dexx Interviews Master Gabriel

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master gabriel

Dexx: You’re the creator of the Gentleman In Charge event, you teach the BDSM 201 class series, and you create leather products under the Ravynblood Leather brand. For many you’re also known as the voice of DomCon in LA and Atlanta. So, I guess if you go back a little ways, how did you first find yourself coming into the BDSM community?

Master Gabriel: Well, actually I first stepped foot into the Sanctuary in Reseda. A friend of mine at the time had seen some of the leatherwork that I’d done. We thought perhaps we could get something going and he suggested possibly going to talk to Mistress Cyan and see what she thought of the leather goods and see if it might be a worthwhile venture to try out. So that was my first step in and that was some many years ago, probably a good eight to ten years ago. Of course before then I was playing behind closed doors and didn’t even know there was an actual community at that point in time. So that was my first introduction into the actual community of BDSM.

So you have a degree in psychology I believe?

I do.

And do you think that that has helped you in terms of understanding the roles in BDSM and finding your own role that you like and educating others in terms of the different aspects of BDSM?

I wish it helped me more often than I thought because it really does but when you get up close and personal for some reason what you know about psychology just goes out the door. But in general, yes it helps me understand the roles a little bit better. It helped me to kind of understand the inner workings of the community as a whole, not necessarily as helpful up close and personal because as I mentioned typically when you get into a relationship with somebody it’s –there’s so much passion and so much energy going on you don’t really pay attention to those fine details.

Right –so the Gentleman In Charge (GIC) event seems to have become quite popular at Sanctuary. What lead you to creating that?

Actually, this is the brainchild of Mistress Cyan. She brought me in on it in order to start it up and run it. I had been mentoring under her and she thought I’d be a good fit for running it. Of course, then the only thing that we had in mind was creating a male Dom/female sub evening. At that point in time WICK, which is Women In Charge of Kink had been running with some relative success for about a year or so and she wanted to make sure there was a male Dom/femsub side to it as well. So we hit the ground running and took the reigns and its been going ever since.

So how is GIC different form other play parties?

It’s way different than other play parties. It’s specifically male Dominant/female sub, there’re not that many male Dom/femsub specific clubs in southern California so there’s not really much to choose from in that regard. In particular, from the get go our team understand that this meant for male Doms and female subs but we felt it needed to be a safe place for the female subs to come to. Otherwise it’s just any old meat market and we didn’t want that. We wanted to make sure it was a safe place for new people and people who are long term in the scene as a fem sub to be there without fear of having to do whatever any dominant that approaches them says. Which is partly why we utilize the red ribbon system where you can pin on a red ribbon if you’re interested in talking about potential play. It leaves that particular bit of control in the women’s hands, that way they can at least show if they’re interested in talking or if they’re just there to spectate.

Do you think that’s been an issue at other male Dom/femsub play parties in the past- that they can be quite intimidating for the females because its sort of open season for the males to think they can do as they please?

I think there’s a sense that that might be the case. Whether that’s what actually goes on in those clubs or not is dependent highly on the individual clubs. But I think that the intimidation is there and to make it open and make it well known that our interest is to make sure its not that kind of a night, not that kind of a club, I think that’s what’s important.

And it’s billed as a high protocol event. What does that entail?

Well for GIC specifically we bill it as high protocol simply because we make sure the gentlemen are there as gentlemen. We enforce a dress code both for the men and women just to make sure that the evening is more classy or make sure that its seen that way. As far as protocol in general, we really leave that open to the specific dynamic you come in with. Also if you come in with your own lady and you have your own protocol we make room for that. But certainly the feel is there. We want to make sure that gentlemanly Dom is the overall energy of the evening and that lends itself to the specific dynamics.

Great-would you recommend that as an event for people who are brand new to the scene?

Most definitely. Every month we get a ton of new people that are coming in there. Several people will send new people that they learn of and talk to in the scene, specifically because of the kind of night it is. It’s not the meat market type of event, you do have the availability to say whether or not you’re just there to watch or if you actually want to interact or not. The gentlemen that are there on average do act like gentlemen. We do make sure we have both male and female dungeon monitors. That way the females that are there do have somebody they can go to. They don’t feel like its just male run. So its very much well structured for that. Also on the flip side of this, at the beginning of the evening we have our discussions. That ranges from anything from negotiations to dynamics we’ll bring guest speakers and that runs for a good half hour or so at the beginning for education for the entire community. I leave that open as an interactive discussion on purpose because we want to make sure we get everybody there interacting. Its not there to be just somebody up there talking and lecturing. We want to make sure everybody participates including the new people. A lot of new people have questions that they really don’t feel as if they can ask at someplace like a class. That’s the place to do it.

In your 201 class series, you cover some advanced topics. Some of them involve dynamics and psychology of D/s relationships others touching on some areas some people consider to be edge play like needles knives and fire play. How did you come to learn those skills?

I learned directly from my mentor Mistress Cyan. Others were 101 training that were taken throughout the year, some is cross over from things that I’d learned such as martial arts. I’ve been drawing from Boy Scouts, personal exploration. So it’s from there and a lot of it is a mixture of all of thee above.

Do you think that people that enjoy BDSM tend to gravitate towards more edge and advanced play over time or do you think some people are more content to stick to the more conventional play like spanking, floggers and power exchange?

No, I really think a lot of them gravitate more towards the conventional play like flogging and power exchange. Not everybody is into edge and that’s perfectly fine. Everybody has different styles of play. The vast majority is conventional.

Do you ever have people that attend some of the classes and find themselves getting a bit squeamish?

I haven’t come across that yet. Usually I make it pretty well known what is generally going to happen in those classes. For the most I think people know ahead of time what to expect. So I haven’t come across anybody who has become squeamish yet- or at least not that they’ve told me.

And do you know of anybody yourself that has suffered unintended injuries trying out some edgier things? Perhaps not as a result of your class but just in general in the scene?

I haven’t seen too much in the way of it. Now there have been instances in the past that I’ve heard of and you know its kind of like rock climbing, you know that there are dangers that are involved in it. So there is the possibility for potential problems. I haven’t had the experience of having too much of that happening. You usually hear a whole lot about it but in my experience its better to be well prepared for something even if its not going to happen. The possibility of it makes it a necessity to be prepared for it

Do you have any advice for people who are curious about trying out some of those things but they live somewhere where it’s harder to find classes about those topics?

Well, I would go on the online classes, read obviously, there are a lot of books even on edge play. There’s a book called Play Piercing, that’s specifically on needles. Jay Wiseman has written several books on topics including knife play. There’s plenty of literature out there these days that are open and available for it

Your submissive birdy also seems to teach quite a few classes. More of the submissive oriented ones. You two seem to be a pretty good match in terms of you both being quite well known figures now as BDSM educators.

The whole House has been doing quite well with the classes and such, we have the Submissive Training Series that birdy has done. Prior to that we had the Submissive Bootcamp earlier in the year. Starr, my other submissive will be doing the next submissive bootcamp in the coming year. Of course there’s GIC and BDSM 201 but also the SoCal Poly Support Group that birdy runs. We do various conventions and such, we even have LA Next Gen which is run by Mister Gear which is also a member of the house. I have several fingers in several pies.

So that’s your House Ravynblood your talking about? Tell me more about that.

That’s my household. I’m the head of house. Ultimately it’s a group of like-minded thinkers. We’ve gotten together over the last few years or so. We’ve grown to be much larger than I ever expected it would actually be. It started up a little over a year ago, about a year and half at this point. And the first members of course were myself and Mister Gear. Vee came in the mix shortly after that. Ultimately, there’s a protocol guide, a household guide that we all follow and our major creed over the household is “to love, to honor, to respect” and we do try to get out in the community and make sure we’re teaching and putting that energy back into the community that we love.

I’m sure people often ask if you all live together?

It’s not a physical household in that we all live in the same house. It’s a household in that we all are like-minded and connected by the protocol. Together at one point in time or another, they’ve all served under the household. So the household is really what we conglomerate under. So when we put out the SoCal Poly Support Group, when we put out the upcoming Dom Training series all of that is under the household. And we all help each other to make it work.

Within the household, you mentioned you’re the head of the household. Are there other defined roles or statuses that people have?

In general yes. There are other dominants in the house. In fact Mister Gear just gained a dominant status. So in relation to say the structure of it you would come into the house, there is a period of time where you are evaluated. Then at that point in time if we feel that both ends are a match then you are welcomed in the household but at that point you are not given a title at all. You have to undergo what we call standards; standardized sections of information-some of them are discussions, some of them are projects. You do have to finish those in order to update your status in the household. Whether that’s submissive or dominant we also have “compeer” which is kind of a switch type of position. Those are various positions in the house. So really in regards to dominant and submissive, they’re pretty much on the same level across the board it’s simply a matter of dynamic rather than position.

How could somebody join the household if they were interested in that?

Well that’s all in our protocol guidebook which of course you would not have seen but as far as our protocol goes in regards to becoming a part of the household –the house as a whole will look at that and see if we’d like to entertain putting that person through a period of evaluation. Of course as the head of house I have the final say so regardless of what the house votes I am the final say on it. After you’ve been brought in for evaluation-there’s three to six months of evaluation where both the house is kind of evaluating that person as well as giving that person a chance to feel out the house and make sure it’s the right fit in both directions. Because if it’s not something you end up feeling that you want after a six month period of time then it’s probably not for you. It’s probably not something that you would be very invested in and that’s ok.

And have there been people who have either been turned down or have decided not to pursue that?

It hasn’t happened yet. But it might happen; I don’t now what the future holds. Obviously the future held a lot more people in the household than I expected to begin with.

Just generally do you have advice for somebody who’s new to BDSM that wants to be dominant?

Actually, I’ll be starting up a Dominant Training series at the beginning of the year. That spun off of the current BDSM 201 that I’ve got. In general, really it can be online classes, YouTube has plenty of things on there that you can gleam from. Read. I can’t emphasize that enough even if its audio books. There are tons of things on audio right now that are kink and BDSM related. Of course you can start off with the book BDSM 101 its for beginners in general. I highly suggest especially as a dominant to seek outside of that as well. There’s a fantastic book called Nudge. It has nothing to do with the scene what so ever but is on the mental devices that we as humans have that alter our decisions. There’s also another book, Mistakes Were Made But Not By Me and it’s all about deception. And that in itself changed my entire perception on how to discipline myself and discipline in general and kind of utilizing that for discipline and behavior modification for others. And of course there’s also podcasts. There’s the Fearless Submissive podcast, the TED radio hour -you’ll learn about both sides of the slash.

As a dominant you don’t want to limit yourself to just learning about being a dominant. Learn about the submissive side. Understand who it is your working with. What it is that your working with in general? What they’re going to see from their angle. And then think outside the box. Once you know the basics, once you have the basic skills the basic idea of what it is to be a dominant, work outside of that. Draw from what you now. You’ve been in marital arts? Fantastic you can draw from that. I can’t tell you how many things that I have in my protocol that I’ve drawn from my martial arts background. Boy Scouts, I’m an eagle scout, I’ve drawn tons of information from it. Most of the things that are in my household’s standards are drawn from Boy Scouts. You have skills, hobbies, do you know how to boot shine can you learn how to boot shine, can you learn just general skill over all that you can utilize in the scene? There’s tons of information out there that really has nothing to do with the scene in general but can be applied.

It seems like there are quite a few classes around for many of the technical skills involved in being a dominant whether its tying rope or impact but not that many in terms of actually the dominant mindset and your confidence and body language and perhaps inspiring submission in somebody who wants to take on that role. So, do you have advice for how people can get into that mindset a bit more and develop themselves?

Posture and breathing. Posture and breathing are two huge things that can help you get into that mindset. Far to often we slouch throughout the day and by the simple act of straightening your back and bringing your shoulders even has an immense impact. When I first started training Mister Gear for his dominance, that was the first step that we took, to straighten out his posture. Now that doesn’t mean you have to walk around like that all of the time but it changes the way that you look at things, it changes the way that you see things. It changes how you feel about yourself. And that in turn changes how you act and how you act towards others. Now you’d be surprised that by doing that simple little act how much more dominant you feel and again breathing; one thing that I have several in my household working on right now again drawing from martial arts, its called “One Conscious Breath,” and that’s the simple act of drawing in a breath and letting back out and not just breathing but focusing only and solely on nothing else but that breath. It lends such a clarity and peace of mind, it helps to refocus and again those little things, those simple little acts can change how you are change your dominance drastically.

It sounds like you’ve drawn quite a lot from martial arts which you’ve done. Which martial arts have you done and how long have you been doing those for?

The martial arts that I was in, I haven’t done it for a few years now was called Mugei Mumei no Jitsu-which roughly translates to “no art no hand.” And ultimately it was a bit unconventional I’d have to say. I learned quite a different smattering of things. It’s a combination art and really was kind of built from various martial arts so was drawn from ju-jitsu and kenjitsu and several others to kind of a melting pot into a different art all together. But between that and as you mentioned before the psychology background it really changes how you look at things, that how things don’t necessarily need to be exactly what they are presented as….you can do so much more.

Do you think that at some point, BDSM could benefit from having some kind of standardized training progression system particularly for dominants where you can measure progression similar to how you have in martial arts?

I think it could benefit greatly from standardization. Not necessarily that is needs to all be the same. The reason for standards in my household is not because that’s the end all be all of what you need to know. The standards are simply only basic to take care of somebody who might be dropping, how to recognize drop, things that really even basic players should really learn and know. And what that does for me as the head of household, it gives me a peace of mind that any member of my household can be anywhere at any time and I don’t have to be there. I know they know the basics, I know they know what they’re doing in those particular realms. Now that doesn’t mean that they are the best at flogging, that doesn’t mean that they’re the best at anything, that just means they know their basics. They know their basic skills. Now really everybody actually should know how to bandage a wound. Most people don’t even have a first aid kit in their bag.

So what attributes define a great dominant?

I’ve met so many great dominants. I will say a sense of patience and the ability to step away from a situation, to look at it from the big picture. I think that really is a factor that you see across the board. Most great dominants that you see in the scene they have that uncanny ability to step away and not let something rile them up even though by all rights could, to be able to step back and take a look at the big picture and act accordingly to respond rather than react to the situation.

You produce leather products under the RavynBlood Leather brand. How long have you been working leather for?

Well I’ve been working leather for-well my first job at Candy was way back when in 1996 and then I think I was fiddling with leather for a few years before that. So for a long long time. Learned a lot of tricks over the years. But I do currently run Ravynblood Leather. I normally have a booth out at DomCon LA. Occasionally here and there I will have a booth out at Sanctuary Marketplace coming up at the end of November. That’s really the only places that you’ll see it these days. I’ve really shifted focus. I like to keep my leather fun and doing it all the time for a full time business just isn’t fun so I like to do it here and there so that way I can experiment with things, play with it a little bit more and have some fun.

What’s involved for a layman who doesn’t know anything about leather working. What’s involved in turning the materials you source into a product like a collar?

Something like a collar-well you’re talking about straight edging and strap cutting it which basically means you’re cutting out the strip itself from a hide because they haven’t perfected the art of growing cows in squares yet. So they kind of come in wonky shapes. And for those who are in the know of leather, there are certain areas you really want to avoid on a cowhide. That’s something that only a person who’s been working with leather for years would know. You definitely want to bevel those edges, make sure its not scratchy on the skin. You can do any kind of design you want to do on it. If you’re savvy with tools, you can actually tool in it. These days most times you’ll see rings, so now you’ll have to punch holes for those small pieces, rivet off the pieces of leather, rivet up the buckle and finish it up. A little bit more work than a cut in paste (laughs)

(Laughs) And where did the name RavynBlood come from?

I don’t get asked that question too often. Actually that came from my family background. In my family we have quite a bit of native heritage. And the one native heritage that we managed to get the most information about in our tree, actually their primary motive for their tribe plan, was the raven. In that particular group, the raven was the only creature in the universe that was capable of keeping one foot firmly in the mainland, what we see and what we know, and one foot in the other world. It was the only creature able to go back and forth like that. So, I actually have native blood of the raven, hence RavynBlood. Initially that was just for the leather booth, and as things went that name stuck to me and kind of became part of my name over all and hence the household name was spawned under that name.

I hear you’re writing a book? How’s that coming along?

I actually am now writing two books. I’m writing a book in regards to household structure and how to build households. And that’s drawing from my experience as well as drawing from other experiences from other dominants that I personally know in the scene. I’m kind of combining all of those together a little bit to give people a better understanding of how these things come about and how to do it themselves. Parts of that have spun off into the gentleman dominant and there will be a whole other book following up with that.

That’s great, I look forward to when those two come out. Do you have a timeframe for them?

I’m hoping they’ll be out by the end of next year. I’ve got the first rough draft partly done already for the household book. That’ll be the first to come out. Hopefully the following year I’ll have the secondary book-The Gentleman Dom.

Master Gabriel is the Head of Household with House RavynBlood. He produces Gentlemen in Charge and Sanctuary Marketplace at Sanctuary LAX, is the Lead Educator of the BDSM 201 Education Series, and “the voice of DomCon LA.” You can view his Ravynblood Leather goods here.

Navigating the public BDSM scene

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chess game

So, you’ve discovered that you are kinky… Now what?

First of all let me congratulate you on taking a step into a much larger world of adventure and experience, good for you! It takes courage to recognize and embrace the fact you may have some interests which mainstream society frowns upon.

You are about to enter a world of pleasure and pain, dark desires and wicked dreams. Never again will plain old vanilla sex satisfy you and get you where you need to be. Like butterfly wings, once you have touched your kink, you are forever changed into something, someone else. This has been my experience.

It is my sincere hope that this small work may help others avoid the pitfalls and frustration that go along with inexperience by getting some insider information prior to heading for disaster. Join us down the rabbit hole and let’s see how deep it goes.

The answer to the question, “What now?” is likely to be as widely varied as the people who might be willing to actually step up and answer it for you. The plain truth is that your journey into and through the world of kink is going to be uniquely yours and yours alone; just as it has been for all of us and just as it should be.

You can keep your activities entirely private and never out yourself to anyone other than your partners, making the occasional trip to the local sex toy store and picking things up here and there, or surfing the net for bondage porn and emulating the things you see.

Or you can, as many do, choose to jump into the public BDSM scene, (i.e.: dungeon clubs, classes, socials, etc…). It’s entirely up to you and in any case is neither a good nor a bad thing per se’, it is simply your path.

Whatever your choice, it’s helpful to “know the ropes” as it were, particularly in the early stages of your experimentation. In the public scene you will encounter every kind of kinkster imaginable, and many behaviors that may be alien to you and your upbringing, depending on how open minded your household was.

One of the first things I learned was that there was a whole new world of terminology and jargon I was unfamiliar with. Soon thereafter I also learned that not everything means the exact same thing to everyone. People in our world are different from one another in just the same way people in the vanilla world are. Interpretation is a factor.

So what do you need to know in order to adjust and feel comfortable without stepping on any toes or committing any offenses?

Let’s begin by covering some common phrases and expressions you might hear when out at a dungeon club. These are basic definitions, keep in mind that many of these terms are flexible and may mean slightly different or deeper things to some.

Dominant: A term with multiple meanings and uses, but generally used to describe a person who takes the power in the relationship or exchange.

Submissive: Another multi-use term, used to identify the one who gives up the power in the relationship or exchange.

Consent: In the context of the BDSM world, consent is given by both parties to participate in a certain activity, or activities. This consent may be wide ranging or limited to specific things, depending on the relationship and experience of the participants. (Example; “you may flog me in our scene but I dislike needles”)
It is important to know that everything we do in the BDSM scene is done with full awareness and consent by all parties involved. If you do not have consent, it is considered abuse and you may find yourself in a heap of trouble real fast; even the kind of trouble that requires a lawyer to get out of. So make sure you have consent!

Scene: This word has two meanings in our world. The first is a general descriptor of the BDSM scene at large, i.e.: “The Scene”. The second is more specific to activities we participate in with a partner or partners. Example; “we had a really great rope scene tonight”.

D/s or M/s: These are used to describe power exchange relationships between the Dominant or Master/Mistress and the submissive or slave. The first letters are always capitalized to show respect for the authority that is consensually given.

Power exchange: The term used to describe when the submissive or slave consensually surrenders their life and or will to the Dominant or Master in the relationship. The terms of this surrender can vary in length of time; anything from one scene to a lifetime, and can also vary greatly on the depth of surrender depending on the parties in the relationship.

Protocol(s): Protocol is a term used to describe the behavior which a submissive or slave may be allowed to exhibit by the Dominant or Master. Also the behavior the Dominant engages in as a part of the scene or relationship. Protocols vary and evolve from one person to another, and one Dominant may have different protocols in place for different submissives in their service. They can also vary depending on the environment; public vs. private play. Protocols may involve restrictions on physical contact, eye contact, speaking out loud, clothing or any number of other things.

Top: A Top is the person in a BDSM play scene who is the one doing the things, whatever they may be, to the bottom. This can be anything from rope tying, to spanking or flogging or even interrogation. It’s important to know, however that this term is not necessarily synonymous with a Dom or a Master. Top is a more utilitarian term. While a Dominant is generally a Top in the scenes they play out, not all Tops are Dominants.

Bottom: Take the above description and simply reverse it.

Switch: Someone who performs and enjoys both Topping and bottoming, and may even transition in the course of one scene.

Sadist: Someone who takes pleasure and satisfaction in inflicting pain.

Masochist: One who gets pleasure and satisfaction from receiving pain.

Voyeur: One who takes pleasure from watching others engage in sex and BDSM play.

Safe Words: These are used by the bottom to inform the Top when they are reaching or have reached a pain threshold. Though safe words may vary, Yellow is commonly used to mean slow down or lighten up, and Red is used to say stop. Safe words should be established by new play couples during initial scene negotiation. If you establish definite safe words, it is your responsibility to use them as needed. If you agree that Red is your stop word and you say stop instead of Red, your top may not stop.

Negotiation: The process of agreeing on the terms of a scene, or relationship. For a scene, especially with new play partners, time should be taken to gather information about the likes and limits of all partners involved. It is advisable to know as much as you can about your play partner prior to beginning so as to avoid harmful or dangerous situations. This should include discussion about health issues as well. Things like STD’s, or psychological trauma need to be out in the open in advance of play time.

Sub-space: A state of mind wherein bottoms enter a trance-like state where their ability to think clearly can be compromised, and they may lose the ability to make safe decisions for themselves. This is an especially tricky situation for some and when deep sub-space is present the Top must maintain control and keep the best interest of the bottom as paramount.

Frenzy: A state of mind and body characterized by an obsessive desire to experience anything and everything as quickly as possible. This happens especially when the player is new on the scene.

Drop: (Specifically sub-drop) This refers to the depressive state which can follow periods of intense BDSM activity such as bondage, spanking, flogging, etc. Depression results from the brains withdrawal from neuro-transmitter chemicals and the after effects of shock. Drop can sometimes be triggered just by the psychological effects of sub-space. To some degree drop can also affect Tops, but is less common. Drop effects everyone differently, and some folks not at all.

This is by no means a complete list, but it should help with the more commonly heard expressions. Moving on…

By now you’ve probably noticed that some of these terms have something in common with the others. You may ask… “So does that mean that a Dominant is also a Sadist? Is a bottom a masochist? Is a switch both?” The answer to all of these is yes… but not always or not necessarily.

Remember that all of this stuff is really open to individual interpretation and can vary greatly from person to person. A lot of it has to do with personal awareness, comfort and identification.
I have played with submissive women who do not identify as masochists, and yet freely orgasm with gusto from having their genitals spanked hard, go figure!

Also everyone seems to have different limits within their own identification. What feels like a 10 on the spanking pain scale to one person, may only be a 2 to someone else. Me personally, I have no pain tolerance at all, absolutely zero. My 10 is pretty much a 1 to every bottom I know. But then I’m not a bottom so it never really becomes an issue. The great thing about the fetish community is that we are open to just about anyone and anything short of actual harm like child abuse and non-consensual impact. There is something for everyone.

The next thing you should know is that the BDSM lifestyle has more than one level of involvement. It represents different things to different people. The populous of our world runs the gamut; from those who live their lives in 24/7 power exchange relationships, to people, perhaps like yourself, who are brand new and only want to dip their toes in to see how the water feels. With the true lifestylers, you will likely encounter protocols and behaviors you are unfamiliar with; protocols involving physical contact, communication, physical position, eye contact and the like. While these may seem strange or even unfair to you, it is important to keep an open mind and remember that consent has been willingly given and accepted.

BDSM lifestylers take this very seriously because they recognize and embrace the deeper meaning under it all. This deeper meaning is not something everyone comes to see and understand, but it is there nonetheless. For those of us who are touched by this, the clubs become our second home, the people we meet with, our family. Often times we feel more like our true selves in this environment than we do anywhere else. And it’s no wonder. BDSM reaches a very primal and powerful instinct in us; we really get something valuable out of it.

Newbies often misunderstand the things they see out in the clubs because they are inexperienced in the power exchange dynamic, and unaware of the deeper connection we have with it. And veterans sometimes have little patience for those who are only temporarily hanging out because they thought some book they read about it was cool.

You can avoid conflict and confusion by observing a few simple guidelines when out at a club, particularly for the first time. Obviously rules can vary from one club to another, but there are some general philosophies which should serve you well regardless of where you are.

• Read and understand the rules of the club you are going to, if possible in advance of your arrival. Chances are when you enter the club, and pay your entrance fee you will have to sign a waiver of consent and liability for the club. This will explain what is disallowed and what is expected of you. First timers should read these carefully and adhere absolutely.
• Don’t become too intoxicated. Whether the club has a bar or is b.y.o.b. stay in control of yourself. In my experience most feel it is unwise to play under the influence, and drunken behavior may get you kicked out.
• For your first time out, you may just want to observe others playing to get a feeling for what goes on. You shouldn’t feel any pressure to perform just because you are there.
• Don’t act like you own the joint. Respect that this club may be home to more than a few people. Though it is technically a public setting it is still a private place. Behave accordingly.
• Cell phone use may be prohibited. Because of the nature of what we do in our clubs, many will ask you to keep them out of sight, turned off or even ask you to check them at the door. With the advent of smart phones and easy access to the internet, people can be quickly outed in a big way. We want to avoid this and so should you.
• Respect the Dungeon Monitor. Most clubs employ someone to keep an eye on the goings on at the club. They make sure play remains safe and consensual.
• Keep things quiet if you are watching others play. Interrupting someone else’s scene, whether intentionally or not, is considered rude. Don’t ask them questions or observe from anything less than a respectful distance. And if you and your friend simply must have that loud conversation right now, take it outside.
• It’s ok to stare, but try to avoid pointing obviously.
• Don’t judge what you don’t understand. Keep an open mind. But if you can’t do that, at least keep a closed mouth. We don’t care if you approve or not.
• Respect people’s personal space, be friendly, but be cool.

All of this stuff is based in common sense and courtesy, but it’s important to point it out because sometimes people don’t seem to think those things apply in the dungeon setting. I can assure you that they do.

I don’t mean to imply that you should not be yourself, and I’d never do so. But until you have gotten your feet wet and seen what really goes on, just be cool about it. You’ll be glad you did.

So now that you are armed with enough information to keep you from embarrassing yourself, how do you begin to enter the public scene? Perhaps you’re lucky enough to know someone already involved, or know of a club you can go to. Perhaps you’re already aware of the social networking sites used by kinksters around the world to connect and gather with each other.

But what if you’re like I was when I was new? What if this self-discovery finds you far removed from a large metropolitan area? Let me share some of my experience with you.

I first discovered my kink after two failed marriages in which the sex life had been a big part of the problem and ultimately the destruction (in part) of the relationships. I always gravitated towards the darker, edgier parts of life, art, porn etc… But even though I somehow knew something was missing, I never really knew what it was. After my second divorce I found myself alone, in my early forties and living in a very small city in the Pacific Northwest; disillusioned and dissatisfied.

I managed, however, to befriend two couples, much younger than I was, who introduced me to the fetish community there, such as it was. I can distinctly recall going to a club for the first time and seeing the artwork on the walls. Most of it was highly erotic rope and suspension art and I was fascinated by the seductive beauty of it all. Seeing the photos of these women bound, gagged and displayed in all manner of compromising positions turned me on like I never had been before.

That new year’s eve we took a road trip up to Vancouver B.C. to attend an event known as Sin City, a bi-weekly kink rave complete with full bars, open dungeon play areas, and half naked Canadians from 19 to 90. I was hooked immediately and spent the next couple of years trying to get my kink on with girls I’d meet here and there, but the scene in that town was practically nonexistent and I quickly became frustrated.

Eventually I found my way back home to Los Angeles, a veritable bee hive of kinky activity, and proceeded to jump in feet first. My first event was a munch, which is just a social dinner gathering in a public restaurant. We hold these as a way to meet new people in a no pressure situation.

I immediately met lots of people with varying degrees of experience in the life and was eager to get started acquiring my submissives right away.

But you know what? That first year, while often enjoyable and fulfilling, was also frustrating, embarrassing, and even heart breaking. I soon realized that I was floundering and on the verge of leaving the scene entirely. I was afraid that I wasn’t going to be able to cut it. See, despite the fact that I had known I was kinky and freaky in the bedroom for quite a while; I had no idea what it meant to actually live the lifestyle out loud. I had NO experience with true lifestylers who lived openly 24/7. I hadn’t the slightest idea what a protocol was, what the power exchange dynamic was about, none of the real deal. I was lost.

After a few failed attempts at D/s relationships, I found myself becoming shy and introverted and hesitant to even keep on trying for fear of more failure. Finally this led me to a surrender of truth; I needed help. I reached out to some of the men I had met in the scene, hoping for guidance, advice, and a Mentor.

Soon a man I knew through a friend suggested that I attend an MDHL meeting in Los Angeles. (MDHL is Male Dominant Heterosexual Leather) Like LGBT, (Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transsexual) this is a means of identification, but also a place to call home with those of your particular ilk. There I met my mentor and began my true excursion into the world of the BDSM lifestyle.

Since that time I have been growing in leaps and bounds in technique, experience and attitude and have found true inner happiness exploring and living out my Dominant nature.

Your early time in the BDSM scene can vary depending on your individual situation. Whether you be male or female, Dominant or submissive, or even if you are unsure of exactly where you fall in, can have an impact on your experience.

New submissives are by far in the most demand and get the most attention. While this fact can make finding play partners to have new experiences with much easier; it can also lead to a state we call “frenzy”. Frenzy can happen to sub and Dom alike and is characterized by an overwhelming obsession to experience everything and anything as quickly as possible. This state often leads people to make snap decisions based on too little information about the people and activity they are getting involved with. It can lead to burnout, disappointment and even harm if not kept in check. Trust me, I speak from personal experience in this matter.

My advice to new people is to take things slowly. Above everything else you must keep your mental, emotional and physical health as your first priority.

Seek out classes and seminars in your area. If you know what your identification is, reach out to others of your ilk who have more experience than you. Don’t allow yourself to get into dangerous situations with people you don’t know. Start off by playing publicly so you have others around who will also keep your safety in mind.

New Tops can face their own challenges, namely finding people to play with. The question becomes, how to gain experience when you have no experience? I have found that many experienced subs or bottoms are unwilling to play with a Top who doesn’t know what they are doing. So how do you become proficient enough to have confidence in what you are doing, and convey that confidence to them?

The internet is full of helpful videos about how to use flogs, paddles, canes etc… and instructional vids on rope bondage of all kinds. These are a good start but in my opinion nothing suffices for the personal instruction of an experienced player. Ask around, find classes or people who offer instruction in your areas of interest. Be patient, take the time to learn proper techniques, ask questions, you’ll be glad you did. The more humble and honest you are with people about where you’re at in your path, the more they will respect and be willing to help you.

Again I recommend seeking out people in your area who already have the experience you want, get to know them and learn from them. Mentors and friends are going to be your best bet in your early years in the scene. They have already experienced much if not all of what you are about to and can help you identify things like frenzy, drop and the like.

Some final thoughts… On consent, while it is true that our activities are generally based on mutual consent and gratification of pleasure, it’s important to note something. We are people who love to push the envelope of what’s acceptable. Dominants are people who love to take what they want and submissives are people who love to please. What this sometimes means is that even though a negotiation may have established some parameters based on consent and limits, at times these may be pushed. Those limits may be tested and broken through. In the heat of passion boundaries may be blown away in favor of testing new ground. This kind of thing can and does happen, though for new people, again I caution some restraint and slowness of pace. You have to learn what the rules are before you can break them.

On use of safe words during play; the reliance on safe words may be compromised under the influence of sub space. The Top or Dominant is also responsible to feel the bottoms energy, check in with them from time to time to make sure they are doing alright. The nature of a submissive is to please, sometimes even at the cost of their own comfort and safety. As Tops/Doms, we must also take responsibility to provide for their safety.

And finally, above all else, remember to have fun. Lest my cautions give you the wrong impression, I want to emphasize this one fact; we do this stuff because we enjoy it! So get out there and get to it!!

We’d love to hear about your first experience going to a public play party! Share in the comments section below.

Frederick M. is 24/7 MDHL; Male Dominant Heterosexual Leather and proudly mentored by a member of the Monarchs. He currently resides in Los Angeles practicing polyamory with his two lovely submissives.

Dexx Interviews Threshold

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Threshold Logo

Dexx: You both are board members of Threshold. Could you could tell me a bit of history about Threshold, how long its been around and how it got started?

Boogie: Threshold has been around since approximately 1982. We started as the Society of Janis that came from San Francisco. Then, I believe in 1988 we broke off from the society and changed our name to Threshold. We’ve been serving the community in the Los Angeles area ever since. That was our original history.

There’re a few different dungeons and fetish clubs around LA. What is it about Threshold that sets it apart from some of the other clubs?

Kathy: Threshold is a non-profit organization. Because of that we’re most interested in the education, safety and confidentiality of our members whereas other dungeons – not that there’s anything wrong with it and they certainly serve other portions of the community – they’re privately owned, are maybe professional dungeons where pro-subs and Doms work or they are actual pay dungeons. And as a result they have different goals than we do. Their priorities and goals are different. We are non-profit, we’re run solely by volunteers. We are run by the membership, we have an elected board. And although we do need to maintain a certain financial level, our priority is always going to be the education, the safety and confidentiality of our membership. And there are actually several organizations throughout the world that have similar agendas and goals and here a lot of us are affiliated, so that if I take my card and present if to one of our affiliates in say New Orleans, I can be welcomed as a member to create a family of affiliates. But non-profit educational organizations like us, we have a completely different set of goals than pro dungeons.

So how do you think that changes the experience for somebody that might come to the club as an attendee? Do you think it’s the same going to Threshold versus some of those other clubs or do you think there are some differences?

Boogie: There’s absolutely a difference. What we’ve found is strictly; and everyone here has been to a number of the other dungeons in our community so it’s not like we’ve only been to Threshold, the fact that we’re education based, non-profit, we have rules in place that protect our members. People tend to feel a lot safer here. People who are new tend to gravitate towards Threshold because it’s very well known that we have dungeon monitors and rules in place. You have to have a certain level of etiquette and social awareness to be able to stay in Threshold. So that makes people feel more comfortable playing and being vulnerable here. Once again, we’re not saying that edgier or hardcore or more swinger sexual based dungeons aren’t great, they are, but people tend to feel a lot safer playing here because there’s more of a community, family type of atmosphere here and they feel safer opening up and exploring that part of themselves here.

I gather the club is open to people of a wide variety of different orientations and roles and you have quite a variety of different types of events to reflect that. Are you able to talk about some of the type of events that you guys host there?

Boogie: Absolutely! We’re a pansexual organization and we do our best meet the needs of all orientations, genders, people who choose not to identify with a gender, and we try to have events that are geared towards each segment and community because there’re many communities. I mean there’s the transgender community, rope community, leather, community, gay community, there are many different types. So we really try to meet as many needs as we can and have events for those types of people who want to experience that.

How long have you personally been involved with Threshold either as board members or as members before that?

Kathy: I became a member in 2007. I started chairing here after that time. Threshold is really big on it as I said since Threshold is run by volunteers. Boogie and I both ran for the board for the first time this year. So I’ve been on the board for the past year and before that a member since 2007. I believe Boogie was in 2008.

Boogie: Yea for a little while and then hanging around, (laughs) we are here seven days a week.

Have you guys seen the crowd in terms of the type of people change over the eight years or so since you’ve been going there?

Boogie: Absolutely. We make a lot of jokes about Fifty Shades of Gray but everyone who is in this community understands that that movie opened up conversations in people who would not normally have conversations about kink and BDSM, and that has piqued so much curiosity, so many open conversations and a dialogue in the media that people are now literally flooding to find places where they can explore this type of activity- which of course once they get here they find out it’s ten times better than the movie. Except we don’t have a helicopter.

(laughs)One day, you might have to raise the membership dues a little bit

Boogie: And we’ll throw people off of the helicopter and we’ll call it a fetish.

As long as it’s consensual I’m sure its fine. Has Threshold as a club been through any challenges while you’ve been involved in the leadership?

Boogie: We’re very happy to report that in all the years that Threshold has been here, there has never been an external law enforcement or undercover investigation, or religious organization protest. We’re very well known because we’re non-profit, because we’re education based. Law enforcement has better things to do than go and harass people who are playing consensually and educating themselves. So we’ve actually been very very lucky.

And I understand that some of the members within threshold do some outreach to the local community and law enforcement to help educate them about what you do.

Boogie: Yes, we reach out, we haven’t done a lot of law enforcement outreach in a while but in the past we absolutely have reached out and offered panels, discussions, any questions they may have because we want them to understand what we do so when they go into a situation, an emergency situation, and they see kink and BDSM, that they have an understanding of what they are seeing and it may not necessarily be an automatic rape or assault. But that its just people enjoying being their kinky selves and so we do our best to reach out as much as we can.

That’s great. And you mentioned before that Threshold is affiliated with some other clubs around the country. So as part of that, have you come across other areas of the country where they do face greater challenges from their local communities or law enforcement or local government in terms of doing what they want to do?

Kathy: I personally have heard some. No specific instances but depending on the area of the country that they’re in, certainly if you’re in a very conservative area, some of these clubs will have a much harder time getting their permits or licenses, getting whatever it is that they need but again I cant say specifically. I have heard a few mentions about how difficult it is in other parts of the country. Every country, every city, every state has its own political agenda and so I can’t speak for any of them but I consider us very lucky here in Los Angeles. Places in other parts of the country will have other obstacles.

LA does seem to be pretty kink friendly. I’ve heard that Vegas is not particularly friendly towards kinky activities.

Boogie: Surprisingly, yes. They do a lot of house parties in Vegas but yeah, they really don’t have an open community. They have Sin in the City which is a big kink event, they have events on the strip but as far as a 24/7 dungeon, they really, you’d be surprised. They want people to keep gambling. If you give them spankings they’re not gambling.

Is that what it is (laughs)… sub space beats gamblers high. Now the other thing that I know you guys have been doing is the Perverted Podcast.

Boogie: The worlds greatest BDSM humor podcast of insanity and mayhem.

I’ve had the pleasure of listening to a couple of your episodes. So can you tell me a little about how you guys came up with the idea and what lead you to staring it off?

Boogie: I’ve been in entertainment for decades, comedy, I have a history in major market radio, so of course I’ve always have desired to do a show, to do a podcast and it was just a matter of finding some crazy people that understood the same passion for education like we have at Threshold. That’s pretty much where I got Kathy as our host and originally Phi who of course writes for Kink Weekly. And we got together and said “hey lets do this,” lets put together a fun show that we maybe don’t do guests – a lot of podcasts will have a guest for two hours. And they’ll talk about one topic. Well we’re segment based so we talk about a number of things and each thing gets eight minutes and then we sing horrible songs and put things in peoples’ asses and give spankings on the show. So we try to mix education with fun and bad rap and then out comes a great show that people seem to get really dedicated to.

That’s great. So have you built up a bit of a loyal base of listeners?

Boogie: Our fans seems to be incredibly dedicated. They listen to every show, they secretly listen to it at work because we are not suitable for work. What’s been really exciting in all of the emails, we get a lot of emails from people saying that they just feel like they’re hanging out with us and that they’re having these discussions with us and they’re a part of a more of a hanging out situation and that’s really what our goal was. Not to be an official broadcast that we give the information and you listen and are amazed. But really try to incorporate our listeners and their ideas into the show.

Are there any particular shows that have been highlights that stand out from the ones you’ve done so far?

Boogie: Well we recently just attempted to call Bigfoot. We had some devices to call Bigfoot and we dedicated the show to how exciting it will be once Bigfoot shows up. Of course for whatever reason Bigfoot did not show up.

Kathy: He’s not showing up.

Boogie: He could have shown up.

Kathy: Oh lord. Can I talk about my favorite show?

Boogie: Sure, the anal human maraca?

Kathy: No, poetry show. It wasn’t that popular but that poetry show was awesome and I think we’ll be starting to regret ever having suggested it.

Poetry show?

Boogie: Every few months we do a special poetry show which is all dirty poetry, haiku attack, and the kind of a whole street poet type of vibe to the show because I do a lot of poetry. And so we do that every few months and some people get it and some people don’t get it. Because they’re snobs and they just want Justin Bieber they don’t understand street poetry.

Haiku must be one of the two greatest things to come out of Japan, along with shibari.

Kathy: I love haiku. Haiku attack is my favorite. They’re easy to write, along with Boogie’s jingles. All of Boogies jingles are awesome.

Boogie: We have a lot of jingles

It must be a fair bit of work to produce a show every week then?

Kathy: The amount of work …I’ve started to feel very guilty about. It’s mostly on Boogie’s shoulders. He knows the equipment, he knows what to do. I basically show up.

Boogie: We do probably, 30-50 hours of production and promotion trying new ideas. I mean we’re still a new show so we’re still trying things and each one of those tings takes fivw hours. So we spend a lot of time, we’re really really dedicated and we don’t get paid so obviously we have to love it otherwise we’re just stupid.

Kathy: We got $30 from a patron.

Boogie: We’ve raised $30 and now we can buy Kathy underwear.

You’ll have a helicopter in no time. Boogie, I hear you have a bit of an interesting past before arriving in the fetish scene. Are you able to tell us a little bit about that?

Boogie: I did. One of things I love about having perverted podcast is it validates all of the drugs, abuse, pain, suffering, everything crappy that I did to myself or had done to me is validated when I do the show because I take those experiences from my past and talk openly about them on the show and then it helps somebody in the present.

Is it true that you were a minister at one point?

Boogie: Yes I was. I was a Christian preacher doing Christian comedy. And now I am an atheist activist.

That’s quite a turnaround

Boogie: You know what, if you’re going to do things do them in extremes. I touched both sides of the universe.

And what about you Kathy? How did you come to find your way into the kink scene?

Kathy: Basically I had a very boring past, nothing nearly exciting as Boogie and one year in 2007 I decided I would just started exploring this part of me that’s so huge and I’d never really given any thought to. Putting them in my fantasies and locking them tight in there. To me it was a revelation just to come into Threshold. And to see this family. It had a tremendous impact on my life. Suddenly I wasn’t alone. I was with this community of people who were just like me and they welcomed me and I felt, as corny as it sounds, alive for the first time. I try to give some of that back by volunteering at Threshold and making the same experience for others. And I consider the Perverted Podcast to be an extension of that. It might be more fun and even better we get to reach more people. The amount of fans we’ve gotten to write us and remind us which is something we forget that not everyone is living in a community like we have- the kind of freedom and this openness. I know what its like to live hiding a huge part of yourself so to know that I can have a great time on this show with Boogie and I can help people just feel a small amount of what I first felt when I first joined threshold in 2007. I couldn’t ask for anything better than that.

I think what you’re talking about in terms of people who kind of hide that part of themselves for a large part of their life before eventually having the courage to embrace it is something that I’ve heard from quite a few different people in the scene. Do you think that these days with the “Fifty Shades effect” and the internet, do you think there is an increasing acceptance of kink generally within society and that people are generally starting to become a but more willing to open up about it a bit earlier in their lives?

Kathy: That’s a tough one because its not like we can run our own study on it. I would say my opinion that having such a popular book come out like Fifty Shades of Gray it gives people permission to at least start looking at it. While in the past they would sit behind closed doors on their computer and never tell anybody that this is something they were looking into. So I’ll be honest, a lot of people in the community, we really don’t like that book because it is not representative of who we are but as Boogie said earlier, if it did anything, it brought kink into the mainstream. So I don’t think that it created kinky people I think it made it easy for people to venture out into an area they already wanted to venture out into.

Anything you’d like to close with?

Boogie: My final closing is pretty much one of the things we teach in orientation at Threshold. Whatever you’re personal desire is for yourself, whatever your limit is, whatever your curiosity is, that is the perfect limit for you and it doesn’t have to be for anybody else. We don’t want people to come in and tell you who you have to be. You get to decide who you have to be. if all you want to do is have a little spanking every now and again then that is amazing, please come and explore yourself at Threshold with that. You don’t have to be extreme, you don’t have to do anything scary or edgy and you don’t ever have to do things because somebody else is telling you to do it. Follow your own heart and be your own person

Kathy: I would say I would love to see our fans, the people who are listening to our show, contact us more and have more of a connection with us. We’re having a good time but this is really their show. If they don’t want to listen then we have no show then it’s just me and Boogie sitting alone and talking into a microphone. I would love the community to reach out more and tell us more about what they like what they don’t like what they want to learn about and the more we progress with the show. I’m seeing that more often, its making me happier. We’ve got the Perverted Podcast party coming up, we’ve got all kinds of things coming up. We love reaching out to our fans.

CountBoogie and Kathy are both members of the Threshold board of directors, a non-profit dungeon based in Los Angeles. You can also hear them weekly on their Perverted Podcast.

Review: The Decameron

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decameron la

Dexx and myself had the distinct pleasure of spending a lot of time at The Decameron a few weeks ago. Not only did we use the private dungeon space for a daytime photoshoot (stay tuned for the upcoming results) but we also had the distinct pleasure of attending their inaugural 1010 Party on, you guessed it, October 10th.

The Decameron itself is very cozy and boutique located in Los Angeles. I give an enormous amount of applause to Mistress Lucy and Mistress Iris for their impeccable taste. This is not your typical red and black, dark dungeon space. The area boasts a bright and beautiful color palette of gray, yellow, and blue tones. There was definitely plenty of inspiration for Dexx and I to pull from for our own playroom plans. The furniture, constructed by Downtown Willie is both elegant and serviceable including a convertible cage/padded bed and also a wall with hard points that is a secret murphy bed. The play space opens up onto a private outdoor deck including a four-post bed and bathtub. While I was not lucky enough to take a dip, I can only imagine the debauchery that one could embark upon!

Serving as a wonderful photshoot location, the space also doubles as a great party venue. That evening, Dexx and myself returned to The Decameron for the 1010 Party. I was quite nervous; somehow knowing this would be different from the familiar crowd at the local LA dungeons. The 1010 Party was advertised as a place for “a new kind of kinkster.” The crowd was to be personally invited and curated by the mistresses themselves. Upon arrival, we were not disappointed. Having been warmly greeted by Mistress Lucy, we were shown in to find that The Decameron had been opened up to include the entire spacious apartment for party-goers to roam and play. There was a gorgeous assortment of food and drink, being judiciously tended to by any number of male slaves.

Dexx, always encouraging me to meet new people, introduced us around to some new faces while greeting a handful of familiar friends. Mistress Lucy and Mistress Iris gave a wonderful champagne toast, describing the origin of the name The Decameron as well as some history. The Decameron comes from an eponymous Italian book by Giovanni Boccaccio about the tales and exploits of seven women and three men (equally ten) who sheltered outside of Florence to escape the black plague.

While the crowd was well balance, because of the regular play parties I usually attend, I had not had the pleasure of witnessing so many beautiful and talented FemDoms in one place! It was so much fun watching them interact with their slaves. The party attendees were all exceptionally friendly, having met all of the hostesses for the evening including a lively chat with Ms. Rebecca Knox and Ms. Grace Marie.

We were told that this would become a semi-regular event to occur every two months or so. We surely hope this will be the case!

For bookings and information visit their site here.

Week of October 19th, 2015

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Kink Weekly is on the road this week, reporting to you live from beautiful New Zealand. It’s a good distance from our usual base of Los Angeles, but we are pleased to find that the kink scene is alive and well down under. We’ll have a more detailed write-up about the local scene here in next week’s edition.

Dom Con Atlanta just finished up. By all accounts it was a great success. Our writer-in-attendance is still a little tied up, but just as soon as she comes out of subspace we’ll have a detailed review of the event for your reading pleasure.

In the meantime, we have some great material for you this week. Our guest author Jenny Pet pulls no punches with her edgy erotica “Bad Cop” – a step up in intensity from some of our previous fiction. In our first guest photography from “Vice Erotica”, Kirsten simmers in rope and lingerie. And don’t miss the first in our series of BDSM product reviews – starting this week with some leather wrist cuffs from Stockroom. Plus more from your favorite regular contributors Baadmaster and Jenn Masri.

Happy spankings!

-Dexx

BDSM Scene Ideas: Teacher/student Roleplay

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Madison punished by teacher – images used with permission

Teacher / student roleplay is one of the most popular and enduring scenes among kinksters, and something I definitely recommend you try out! In this article, I’m going to cover Teacher/student roleplay and share some fun tips and tricks for an enjoyable scene. I write this with the caveat that a) not everyone is interested in roleplay b) these are simply guidelines – you can of course (and should) modify and expand on this to suit your (and your play partner’s) limits and preferences.

This post contains affiliate links. For more info, see our disclosures here.

My Dominant and I often engage in light roleplay. We dance in and out of our “play” roles throughout the scene, keeping it lighthearted and exciting while still preserving the power exchange. As of late, and in keeping with our dynamic, we’ve specifically been experimenting with a classic Teacher/student role play. We had a great scene at Threshold (Los Angeles) recently, making use of their fantastic classroom-style playroom – pictured above. If you happen to live in a less “saturated” area in terms of clubs, you can easily set the stage for your own classroom either in the dining room or your home office. Keep in mind, the aesthetics of the play space are less important if you are able to use your imagination and fully immerse yourself into the mental aspect of the roleplay, which is arguably the most important part of any scene.

Dressing the part of your role is fun too. There are a ton of options for school girl and boy outfits. Looking the part of the Teacher is as easy as a business suit or pencil skirt. The Teacher can start the roleplay days in advance by giving a homework assignment. This can be as easy as some rudimentary math problems or something tailored to be more personal like an essay question. This will be a great tool to bring back into the actual play scene. You could also plan it far enough in advance that your student has forgotten about it by the time the scene comes around.

Sabrina does not care for teacher’s punishments

The actual scene provides a myriad of creative opportunities. You’ll want to have your Teacher tools on hand such as a ruler, a birch cane or switch, notebooks, sharpie markers, hard back books (for impact play), a chalkboard or whiteboard if you’ve got it, and any other fun, non-school room accessories you may find useful.

To begin, the Teacher will want to assert their dominant role by conversing with the student about their behavior thus far. You can also discuss homework and give the assignment a once over to see if it’s satisfactory. It actually doesn’t matter if the student did well or not, they’ll still benefit from some punishment, of course!

At this point, you can really get your creative juices flowing (no pun intended ;) My Teacher challenged me throughout our scene with verbal commands and tasks. Below are series of “field tested” ideas and scene-spirations you can use in your own scene.

Spanking is a natural fit in teacher/student scenes

-For being late and losing my homework, I was paddled with a brand new metal paddle with a heart cut out
-When my bratty side came out and I talked back, I had to write, “I must never be a brat” on the chalkboard twelve times while also reciting it aloud and simultaneously being caned.
-Teacher challenged me to a Ping-Pong game on the teacher’s desk. Every time I lost I of course was punished. At one point he claimed I lost a point. I challenged him and my Dom checked in with some of our scene spectators for an official ruling on the matter. I was victorious!
-My victory was short lived when I was asked a series of questions on varying subjects including geography, math, and a few random ones thrown in between. I think I was more disappointed in myself than Teacher was disappointed in me for the lack of knowledge I possessed. Geography class was a long time ago… how was I supposed to know Vancouver isn’t the capital of Canada?
-Naturally, there were plenty of spankings doled out.
-Pencils, rulers, and books can all be turned into toys. Corner time, detention and dunce caps are all possibilities too, depending on the preferences of the participants!
-I thoroughly enjoyed the people watching the scene, stopping by to view my humiliation. Even if you are in a public dungeon without a classroom, you can still claim your own space and enjoy those stopping by to watch, if that is something in which you’re interested.

To conclude the scene, the Teacher must deliver a final grade for the quarter. The Teacher cut my panties off and wrote in sharpie across my pelvic bone; “B-, Must Try Harder.” I was not too upset, having never been an A+ student in my life.

Stay tuned for future posts on “scene-spirations.” This will be a semi-recurring topic. Have you done a Teacher/student roleplay before? Let us know your own tips, twists, and scene ideas in the comments section below. Happy teaching!

Writer, model, babygirl, submissive. After trying vanilla relationships one time too many, anniebear finally realized her submissive desires and discovered the BDSM community. When not writing for Kink Weekly, she enjoys spankings and being tied with rope.

 

This guy annoyed his teacher one time too many

Review: Bondage Ball 2015 (Los Angeles)

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BondageBall-july-3-2015

Marking its twelfth year, the Bondage Ball returned with all its highly anticipated fanfare and accoutrements. Organized annually by kink enthusiast Mr. Matthew Grimm, the ball attracts hundreds of party attendees as a pre-4th of July bash. Bondage Ball’s home for the last few years is the spacious 333Live; boasting large open rooms with multi-stories. This place has a few hidden spots in which one may sneak off and get into trouble. I had the pleasure of attending under the service of Lady D and her husband BootLickerG. Decked in our kinkiest get ups, we made our way over early to the festivities.

Bondage Ball attracts an interesting crowd. This being only my second year to attend, I could immediately tell a difference in this year’s crowd as compared to 2014. People from all walks of life attend in droves. The goth crowd mix with the ravers and all manners of sexual orientation, bondage, and kink fill the in between. It’s a place for D/s and curious vanilla to intermix. After being greeted at the door by Matthew Grim himself, my party and I entered the spacious main room. Neon-lit St. Andrews crosses decked out the main stage and there were play stations hidden in each corner. I immediately saw the sultry mistresses of Dungeon Decameron at their booth, ready to dole out spankings to a lucky few. Latex shimmered as they strutted and posed for photos; seeing Madam Quinn Helix and Ms. Rebecca Knox leading the pack.

We made our way around the room to stop at the bar. The party was just getting started with people trickling in. As we sipped cocktails, we witnessed a wonderful game of fetch by a puppy and her trainer. Both were very skilled and enthusiastic. A male dog and his handler came up to get photos with Lady D and myself. It was fascinating to witness their dynamic; the dog unable to speak but rather mime his request. Pet play was in full force and we were greatly enjoying ourselves.

The famed Nina Hartley of the adult entertainment and fetish film scene was an early arrival as well. She did not disappoint, taking the center cage to put on a seductive dance in her full body fishnet stalking. Fans stood close by to watch and others danced around to the EDM-style music pumping through the room.

Bumping into some friends, we made our way up to the balcony to snag some pictures by Manrique Photos. I knew in no time the line would be endless since this is an occasion to capture fabulous corsets, latex, and leather. Mistress Quinn popped in to grace us with her elegantly clad figure for a few photos as well.

If ever there were a party for the curious to attend, it would be Bondage Ball. It’s just the right level of taboo for the novice and a great gathering place for those seasoned veterans of kink to catch up. The performers started to begin on stage; even better for the newbies to either watch in fascinated horror or enthusiastic expectation. Master Eragon, a fixture at local dungeons and respected mentor of the community put on a wonderful display with his gorgeous and willing red haired submissive. The crowd responded in gasps of awe as he did all manner of whipping and electrical play with her.

Circling back down to the main floor, the crowd had thickened (no pun intended). We stopped by the retail booths to peak at their wares-the usual torturous tricks of the trade and some finely crafted leather goods as well.

We watched Ms. Rebecca Knox of the Decameron deliver some hefty floggings to an eager man as he posed over a horse. I said an enthusiastic hello to pupjethro who was in service to Ms. Rebecca for the evening.

A gentleman stopped to chat as we watched. Clad in a casual cotton t-shirt and holding a beer, he asked how I liked the show. I mentioned it was great and that I’m involved in the lifestyle myself. He said he “had friends in the scene” and just liked to “change things up” sometime. A self-described jeans and t-shirt guy, you can imagine my surprise when I glanced down and saw he was wearing full latex/pleather pants and running shoes. It was almost laughable and goes to show you can never judge a book by its cover. The moment fully encapsulated what Bondage Ball is all about; bringing people together from all stages of kink, culminating in one place to talk, dance, laugh, and explore. We began to say our goodbyes as Wry and his lovely girl took main stage for a fine display.

In all, this year’s event was a hit. The crowd did not disappoint in creative outfits. This would be a highly recommended event for the curious.