• Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer
  • Home
  • About
  • New to kink?
    • Articles for beginners
  • Contribute
  • BDSM Buying Guide

Kink Weekly

BDSM articles ideas bondage erotica resource

Home » dungeon rules

dungeon rules

Music In The Dungeon

June 17, 2021 By Christmas Bunny 1 Comment

naked male sub bound
via stock.adobe.com

Music is often the unnoticed soundtrack of our lives. We shower to music, drive to music, and hear it almost constantly underscoring movies and television, giving us cues to enhance feelings. Colleges teach composers full semesters worth of information on how to best evoke certain feeling when writing music. When choosing music to accompany something, that matters, too. Imagine trying to work out aggressively to elevator music or meditate to screamo – those sounds don’t fit the mood of either of those activities. That can throw off an entire experience.

The sounds of my dungeon are pants, screams, whip cracks. I have heard these sounds echo into a silent playspace, and it always feels a little off. Music is an accepted accompaniment to these events. There were times when it was common to hear Enigma, and other when heavy metal was constant. Regardless of their content, playlists are arguably an essential part of setting the mood at any dungeon or playspace.

Having come back to our dungeon after a long absence, I see opportunity for us, and for the community as a whole. Sure, we can pull up those old playlists back in, but I think as times change, as communities change composition, we need things like our music to flow with them. Other than in some some group chats here and there, I don’t often see discussion of the importance of inclusivity when building those playlists. When planning music for a larger group of people, I have spent time doing my best to build a list that embraces our whole community.

For those who desire to do that within their own communities, I suggest beginning by reaching out to local members. Ask around – what are their favorite songs for their play-at-home or private play playlists? Are there certain groups of people who don’t attend, or are less represented? Reach out and ask for suggestions specifically from them. Yes, it’s even possible to include music for littles, if you don’t limit yourself to original versions of songs. My final playlist includes a heavy metal cover of Let it Go that thrilled every little in the room, and plenty who weren’t.

When building the list out of a variety of genres, it can be a challenge to put songs in an order that doesn’t sound odd. My approach has been to first listen to every song and get a feel for the tempo and vibe, even if I don’t listen to it in its entirety. Some get cut if they just don’t quite “feel” right with the list. Some I liked but didn’t quite like the feel. Those got searched on youtube until I found remixes or covers that worked with the overall feel we were going for in the dungeon. Others sparked ideas for additions. I put all of the titles that made the cut into an excel spreadsheet and categorized them based on how fast or slow they were and what genre, like – slow techno, fast hard rock, mid tempo r&b, etc.

At that point, I decided on how long I wanted my “flow blocks” to be. Some people want a flow of songs to be three songs, or five songs. I chose nine. I picked the slowest tempo songs from my final cut and placed them directly in the middle of each group of nine that was blocked out on my spreadsheet. I then found the fastest tempo songs and put those on the outside edges of each group. I took the remaining songs and used them as transitions between fast and slow, and chose things that moved well from one to the next. At times I cut entire chunks together and moved them to other flow blocks.

I don’t ever quite see it as finished. I suspect it will be changed and adapted many times. New suggestions will come in and either be rejected or incorporated. Older picks may prove unpopular or just get old and be moved off of the list. I think the most important thing is that my community knows our dungeon is doing its best to give everyone music that makes them feel welcome and comfortable and down for whatever their kink may be.

Tagged With: bdsm, bdsm community, bdsm play, bdsm relationship, dungeon, dungeon rules, dungeon safety, kink

Scene Safety in Mixed Venue Environments

May 1, 2021 By TAC 2 Comments

hot Domme ass with crop
via stock.adobe.com

As time goes on money gets tighter and clubs dedicated to BDSM only are becoming more scarce or harder to get into. As a result, mixed venue environments are being used more often for events, gatherings, and play parties. Mixed venue environments are places which may be kink friendly but are not solely dedicated to BDSM such as swingers clubs, kink friendly bars/nightclubs, or any other place where we can reasonably believe the crowd around where we will be playing comes from differing lifestyles.

There are plenty of safety considerations when deciding on the type of play and setup for a scene in these environments, it all hinges on forethought and preparation. Stand-off distance, equipment choice/availability, crowd movement around the play space, crowd monitoring, and crowd composition are some of the considerations when setting the scene and deciding on the type of scene you will be running.

Playing Where Not Everyone Knows the Etiquette

“People should know to stay out of our way,” is often the attitude of my fellow Lifestylers who are not as accustomed to working in mixed venues. Except a good portion of the crowd will likely not know the safety standards, may be drinking or using other intoxicants, and likely do not understand the needs of the players for unencumbered space for everyone’s safety, including their own. What we often take for granted, others are naïve of.

Recently I attended a kink night at a swingers club. This was a common event once a month (my first time there) and many of the kink players there were not familiar with the space as they had changed the setup of their “dungeon.” What was previously a fairly open and lighted space was now a tight, crowded, poorly lit area. So overcrowded with equipment it restricted players in ways they might not normally have to deal with in a dedicated dungeon. In addition, as aforementioned, there were plenty of intoxicated people around to throw a wrench in the works.

A spanking bench was set up dead center in a 20’ x25’ “dungeon” surrounded by a set of stocks, two St. Andrews Crosses, a medical table, flogging post, and a rather large snake looking things which I have no name for. There were no dungeon monitors to prevent anyone from encroaching on play. Out in another area there were two suspension rigs hanging above the dance floor barely ten feet apart without any cordon around the space to keep people at a distance.

To those who might not know better, it might look like a very cool set up. However, the reality was this space was ripe for someone becoming injured, including bystanders. As a result, players were unable to freely engage in activity without being constantly encroached on; no suspensions happened but plenty of rather loopy people walked up and started using the steel suspension rings like a jungle gym to the chagrin of the two rope tops trying to get something going; and actual scenes were few. But plenty of people brought budget toys to go after each other in manners I would rather not describe. Not a single first aid kit was in sight.

I did speak with the venue owners later in the evening to express my concerns. To their credit, they were more than willing to help make changes in the future to improve both safety and the ability to play. They just did not know what they did not know. Not their fault, but I am surprised no one had taken them aside before and had this conversation.

Before I go farther, I am not blaming anyone. There are a vast number of people entering kink who simply do not know and have not seen what can happen when things go wrong. I am just focusing on what I was able to determine as potential problem areas and try to address how to play safer in similar venues should you choose to attend one.

The new reality for many of us is we must learn to work within the spaces available to us for our kinky gatherings. Whether we like it or not. For some, they are the only spaces available to them.

About Some of the Considerations.

Stand-off distance: Depending on the space available, we may not be able to run a scene with a single-tail or other long implements. How much room is available will drive, partially, the type of toys we may be able to use. Or we may get to where we are setting up and have to change what we have planned. Bring options so you can adjust as needed. We need the length of our implement, plus the length of our arm, plus 18 inches for a minimum safe distance regarding swing path (from where we will be standing, not from the center of the furniture in use). There also needs to be at least four feet around where our bottom will be so no one can reach in and touch them.

If possible, we should border the play space with rope or tape at waist height to create our standoff. If this is not possible, we might have to get creative with how to create the standoff. Or enlist the help of a couple other players to DM for you, and in turn, DM for them to help keep the look-e-loos at bay.

Equipment/Furniture: Whether you bring your own, or the kink furniture is being provided, it all takes up space. Where it is placed within the play space and what angle it is placed can maximize your room available without having to impinge on the rest of the venue. Regardless of what we want, it is not likely the space provided for play will be able to be expanded (indoors) and your choice of implement may need to change accordingly.  

Mixed venue spaces are geared more for the social, than they are for play. There may be other impediments such as tables and chairs, a bar, couches etc. which may limit where we can move kink furniture. Coordinating with local management to set up a play space for a limited time may or may not be an option, but it does not hurt to ask.

Crowd Movement Around the Play Space: Pay attention to the major routes of movement around your potential space. Which way are people traveling? Where are they going? Is it a route to essential services such as restrooms, a first aid station, or (chuckles) the bar? If you are able, pick a play space, or set up the play space so people only need to move on one side or another. Again, keep in mind your backswing area and over travel area for certain types of toys.

At one mixed venue club we attend regularly, our group takes over an elevated stage which is just about the right amount of room for a spank bench or horse and enough standoff to conduct flogging. Being bordered on three sides by couches (occupied by our friends) we are able to control the space fairly well.

Crowd Monitoring: We may need not just a Dungeon Monitor but someone to pay attention to what the crowd is doing. Often others in the immediate area will not understand what they are seeing and may try to encroach on the space in one way or another. The DM must have the ability to watch both play and monitor the crowd. In some cases, there may need to be more than one DM for the scene. Regardless, our DM needs to have the understanding that many of the people around them, do not know what is safe, needed, or expected. The ability to keep a cool head and explain things calmly will help greatly.

Crowd Composition: Let’s face it, some of the play we can get into can seem pretty rough, if not actually rough, to the uneducated observer.  Edge type play in a mixed venue is probably not a good idea. Knives, hook suspensions, scat, piss, roman showers, blood etc. can get the average Joe or Jane all worked up and upset. Giving consideration to the crowd you will be in front of, can prevent Joe/Jane from having the compelling need to save your bottom from you and putting your DM in a bad position. Not saying you cannot do these and other things, just saying you should think about it first and plan accordingly.

Be Open to Questions: After the scene, when appropriate for you, be willing to answer questions for those who are curious. This is your opportunity to talk about not just the scene, but why things were set up the way they were, etiquette, as well as other points we simply take for granted. Remember, they likely do not know, be kind.

Final Thoughts

We all want to have the safest play possible, have successful events, and forward a good impression of kink, BDSM, and our Lifestyle. A little extra time and planning can help make that happen. How we conduct our play in mixed venues gives us the ability to be good kink ambassadors. We can show through our actions, how we handle onlookers, and answering questions that kink is more than just slapping people around and skull fucking.

There is always a way to have our fun in these environments, we just have to be flexible about it. So go out and get your kink on!


TAC is a lifestyle writer, dominant, and mentor who contributes to several online educational groups such as the BDSM Alternative Lifestyle Discussion and Education; Information Exchange for Dom/mes, Masters, and Mistresses; and the Virtual Munch. His writing includes information on self-improvement, growth, dominance, trauma, power dynamics and power exchange, and safety. His goal is to continue giving back to a community of friends who have supported him for nearly three decades. He can be found on Fetlife at TAC_1

Tagged With: bdsm, bdsm community, bdsm play, bdsm relationship, bdsm safety, bdsm scene, bdsm toys, dominant, dungeon furniture, dungeon rules, dungeon safety, kink, Kink Community, protocol, rituals, submissive

Properly Preparing To Play

December 27, 2020 By Baadmaster 2 Comments

sexy Domme with whip
via stock.adobe.com

If you have been following my ASK BAADMASTER series here on kinkweekly.com, you might conclude that I am over-covering the pandemic on a kink site. I think I would be remiss in ignoring the pandemic as it has affected the kink community on many levels. For starters, live dungeons have been mostly closed. I would hope the new vaccines are a bright light at the end of a very dark tunnel. So I would like to answer questions that prepare us for the non-covid days ahead. Much will be review; so if your were a BDSM player and have not played for almost a year, you might want to go over aspects of play that you might have forgotten. There is never too much knowledge.

Reader: Recently, my kink group has been discussing what to do if something goes wrong or a pre-existing condition manifests itself during a scene. This kind of safety concern is beyond the usual. But, how can you prepare for any eventuality?

As a general rule, it is impossible to prepare for EVERY eventuality. If I could do this, I would be working for President Biden eliminating terrorism. But seriously… Regarding medical pre-existing conditions — you might open a productive dialogue before your scene, especially between first-time players. Make sure the players are aware of any pre- existing conditions and what its symptoms are so you can stop the scene quicker than usual.
Now onto safe words. Depending solely on safe words is not the end-all and be-all to safety. (Although they are definitely better than anything that comes in second).

The trick to using safe words effectively (and this seemingly obvious bit of advice might be extremely valuable to you) is “simplicity.” Although the standard safe word is “red,” many people try to pick out their own personal safe word. They want style. “Greef” might be a cool safe word between ‘Mandalorean’ fans, but when panic time sets in and the mind starts spinning, these words might not be at the tip of the tongue. “Red” works for stop signs. “Red” works for scening. Use “red.”

I also advocate the use of a safe signal. When you use a ball gag in a scene, the bottom –unless he/she is a ventriloquist — cannot give a safe word. So agree on a safe signal based on what type of scene you are doing. A great one is a shaking of the head continuously left to right — like a “no” signal. This is unmistakable, and does not require the hands, which might be bound. Between safe words and safe signals, you have increased safety a hundred fold.

Most BDSM writers always talk about a “safe call.” In this case the old expression –“after all is said and done, more is said than done” — is applicable. Most people never use the safe call procedure. But if used properly, safe calls are really good tools. In this age of the cell phone, it is really easy to have someone standing by waiting for your call to see if all is well – and to arrange for any contingency plans should help be required.
Another safety key is…not playing with unsafe players! Sometimes there are players who have gained a reputation for being unsafe; most times these reputations — if they are widespread and repeated by respected members of the community — have some basis in fact. Stay away. But there are other red flags. When playing for the first time, a big red flag is when the Top says, “I never allow a safe word.” They might rationalize it by saying something like, “I am into TPE and do not believe in safe words.” Well, many in TPE relationships do eschew the safe word. But this only happens after a relationship is established; eliminating the safe word is generally negotiated after playing for awhile. Anyone who says “no safe words” right out of the box really hasn’t got a clue.

As for the scene itself, the oft-repeated advice of planning a scene in advance will add to the safety of it. Some scenes are pretty safe in and of themselves — an interrogation scene, for example. Others — such as mummification or breath play — are much more dangerous. Make sure the skill level of the Dominant (as he/she is in control) matches the danger quotient (D.Q.) of the scene being attempted. If you notice, I would rather head off problems before they arise. “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure” also applies in BDSM play.

If you have extra time on your hands, I have written a companion piece on safety on this site: https://www.kinkweekly.com/?s=safe+words Play safe when you return to play! And if you have not played in a while, there is nothing wrong in going over safety essentials (as in “Don’t forget aftercare”) before you re-visit your favorite dungeon!


After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.

Tagged With: bdsm, bdsm play, bdsm safety, bdsm scene, consent, dungeon rules, dungeon safety, dungeons, fetish, kink, negotiations, power dynamic, power exchange, safety consent, safeword

Dungeon Party Rules to Swear By

July 24, 2017 By Vic Sharp 1 Comment

Dudes and dudettes, partying is hard work, thats right, it takes time and effort to know how to party correctly. Learning the careful and delicate dance of slamming jagger-bombs and shotgunning a natty while making it look good is no simple task.
Here are a few tips to get you started.

Most important, know your crowd and how to cater yourself to them. You will need to behave a certain way at a college kegger vs a polished dinner party. Knowing what the crowd is will help you in the rest of these steps.

Appropriate attire, first and foremost in this department, is there a theme? If a party has a theme or a dress code follow it and put in effort. It’s a buzzkill when someone decides not to participate in the theme and depending on the crowd can be considered a party foul. If there is no theme dress appropriately for the crowd. Going to a kegger? Some comfortable jeans and a tee will do fine and maybe a pair of trunks in case there is a pool. If you are going to a fancy dinner party dress for the part and put in effort people notice that stuff.

The host has invited you, that means they want to have your company there and want you to be a part of their inner circle. If you haven’t done so yet ask if there is anything you can bring and even if they say no it’s always nice for show up with either a bottle of wine or a case of beer. Be sure to meet up with the host on arrival and let them know you are there, have a drink with them and thank them for inviting you.

Engage with others, step out of your bubble and talk to the strangers around you, they will only be strangers for a little while then they become friends. Don’t cling to the host as a security blanket, as much as they like having you at the party they have things to take care of.

If someone offers you a drink and you are a drinker accept and give them a cheers. If you are not a drinker just say so and ask for water or soda. Do not accept the drink then hide it when no one is looking, thats a party foul. Drink plenty of water between drinks and be sure to pace yourself and know your limits. You don’t want to be the burn out of the party.

Engage in the party games, whether it’s playing pictionary or beer pong, boggle or keg stands. Joining the shenanigans will help cement yourself as a lively and active party buddy and will likely lead to more invitations to other parties. Remember, a bit of friendly competition is encouraged but don’t over do it.

Drugs are a part of partying, if you don’t do drugs cool, just don’t be a narc about it if others are. If you are curious to learn more maybe do so on your own time and avoid asking guests a bunch of questions about what they are doing, it makes them nervous.

Again, know your crowd and prepare appropriate topics of discussion and also be ready to talk about random things as well. Being well spoken and showing varied interests makes you recognizable.

Unless your about to tie your shoe laces the words “hold my beer” must not leave your mouth.

Clean up a bit, it may not seem like a lot but it really helps the host out and will once again increase your chances at another invite. Be careful not too clean TOO much, it’s one thing to be helpful it’s another thing being a doormat.

Dance, it doesn’t matter if you are good what matters is that you are confident. So don’t be scared to boogie down, tear it up or get down with your bad self. If no one else is dancing be the one to get it started, I guarantee others will join in and if they don’t, who cares? Not you, Mr. Travolta.

Say your farewells to everyone you met as you’re heading out and reconnect one last time. Give your name and firm handshakes maybe even a few hugs. Save the host for last and once again thank them for having you and be sure to express how much of a good time you had. Remember your host is likely nervous and hoping that people enjoyed their party so validation is key.

These are just a few party etiquette guidelines to follow, give them a go and let us know how it goes.

Vic Sharp is a switch living in San Diego. You can learn more about him here.

Tagged With: dungeon, dungeon etiquette, dungeon rules

Primary Sidebar

Don’t miss out!

Get an email each week when new editions are online
We won't spam you, and you can
easily unsubscribe at any time

Sale – today only

Bondage kinks coffee mug

Put a smile on your face each morning

Support Kink Weekly on Patreon!

Become a Patron!

Help keep us online and get
epic good karma (and no ads)

Already a supporter? We love you! Visit here to enable ad-free browsing.

Get

Premium lockable ankle cuffs

Contribute

Want to feature your writing or photography on Kink Weekly? Are you an BDSM/sex expert or professional, and interested in being quoted in an article? Contact us

Archives

sexy blonde Domme with male submissive in straitjacket

Simple Mummification Fun!

By PirateStan Leave a Comment

Learn helpful mummification techniques in this week’s edition!

shibari male submissive bound

Why Excellent Submission Can Be Remarkably Illusive

By Ms. RikaLeave a Comment

Dive deep into submission with Ms. Rika in this week’s edition!

Footer

18 U.S.C. 2257 record keeping compliance statement
Always play
Safe Sane and Consensual

Copyright © 2023 · News Pro On Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in