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How To Start Your BDSM Journey

September 26, 2020 By Baadmaster 2 Comments

lesbian collar bdsm play
via stock.adobe.com

Once again the question unintentionally revolves around Covid-19. At first, I wanted to keep the questions strictly on D/s and BDSM. But it seems the less you talk about it, the more it dominates our thought processes – like the elephant in the room. So, even though the following question is really about BDSM and not about the virus, it really is. Or something like that. So here goes!

Reader: My husband and I are in a long-term vanilla relationship. But recently, with these new “stay at home” directives, we spend a lot more time together, so we both want to include BDSM play in our lives. Do you have any starting points, pointers, or references for us?

Good news! My personal experience is that BDSM relationships have the longest lifespan when vanillapartners discover this lifestyle together. This is especially true if the duo is entering the BDSM world while still in a fulfilling relationship. So if my “polling data” is correct, this move bodes well for you. Now, how do you start? Simple…

First, read kinkweekly.com (plug, plug) – and the archives — to get a sense of the BDSM verbiage and other basics. Once you know the ropes, everything will seem that much easier.

Second, determine who is the Dominant and who is the submissive. If you are lucky, hubby will go one way, and you will go the other way. If you both want to be Tops or both want to be bottoms, we are going to have some trouble. The easiest way to find out what you are (if you don’t already know) is to talk about what turns each of you on. Surely your desire to add BDSM to your activities did not come out of the blue. Likely you both have concepts if what BDSM is about and how you want to integrate it into your lives. You are probably more semi-vanilla than straight vanilla.

I would suggest you take the activity that turns you both on the most and plan out your first “scene” together. What follows is my suggestion for a good way to get into BDSM play. This scene uses easy-to-find, inexpensive BDSM implements, does not require extensive BDSM furniture and is fun and easy to do! And it entails light rope bondage and cropping which are among the most popular BDSM activities of all.

First, pick your safeword. “Red” is the default safeword. Then, get some rope available at any Home Depot kind of store. And most are open. (Don’t forget your mask!) Make sure it is soft but strong. Get a riding crop with a large flat end. (Not the thin cropping end, as those tend to sting a lot). Crops are available at adult websites and should cost no more than forty bucks. Have the submissive lie face down. Tie up the hands and feet (not too tight until you get some experience under your belt!)

Then crop the submissive’s butt. Use light and soft strokes. Do not assume the lack of a safeword gives you the right to flail away. The butt should be reddened, but avoid any marking at this point. As you are man and wife, it is unlikely the Top here would want any harm to come to the submissive partner. I would give a ten to fifteen minute cropping to start. Then comfort (“aftercare”) and untie the submissive. This is just one suggestion; whatever you do keep your entry scene simple and safe.

Here is where my constant reminder to communicate comes in. Do not forget to discuss the scene you just did; I think this is a great way to begin.
I might add that, although this article might be a bit too “beginnerish” for most of you, if the pandemic continues much longer, I might need a refresher course. After all, it’s hard to hone your skills “playing in an empty dungeon”!


After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.

Tagged With: bdsm, bdsm play, boundaries, communication, dominant, dungeon, fetish, kink, negotiation, power exchange, sex, submissive

This week in kink: August 31, 2020

August 30, 2020 By Dexx 2 Comments

We have all had to adjust during the pandemic including dungeons and clubs.

Below Liverpool Echo explains how Townhouse Swingers, a swingers’ club in Birkenhead, has adjusted their protocols to fit with the current times.

Merseyside swingers warned of new rules at private members’ club
Only couples and ‘poly families’ in a swingers’ bubble can book to attend the Townhouse club
Liverpool Echo | Emilia Bona

Society is becoming more and more digital as the quaratine goes on.

Check out KinkVR and see if it’s right for you on your kink journey. Click below to learn all about the pros, cons, and cost from the daily dot!

KinkVR puts you inside your dirtiest BDSM fantasies

Consent is everything when it comes to human interaction.

With this being said, the new Domestic Abuse Bill passed in the UK states that “consent can never justify grievous or actual bodily harm, even if it was perpetrated for the purposes of sexual gratification.”

Since some BDSM involves consensual instances of the above, this bill has some members of the BDSM Community experiencing negative reactions/concerns regarding the bill.

Click below to read more from Vice!

The BDSM Community Is Worried About Changes to the Domestic Abuse Bill
The much-welcomed end to the "rough sex defence" has some kinky people concerned about the implications for BDSM.
www.vice.com

Have some kinky news to share? Tell us about any upcoming BDSM events, new products, dungeon openings / closings, kink in mainstream media, and anything else you think kinky folks might be interested to hear about. Send your tips through to kinkweekly@gmail.com, and it might just end up on next week’s “This Week in Kink.”

Tagged With: bdsm, consent, dominatrix, dungeon, fetish, kink, negotiation, pandemic, polyamory, porn, sex, swingers

This week in kink: August 24, 2020

August 23, 2020 By Dexx 2 Comments

Are you a swinger? Exhibitionist? Nudist? Practice any form of ethical non-monogamy?

Then you might be interested in learning more about the amazing lifestyle resort, Hedonism II, and it’s new protocols for the pandemic!

Click below to read what CNN has to say about this unique vacay!

Nudes, prudes and swingers. Hedonism II adapts to the pandemic era
Hedonism II is a magnet for nudists, swingers and sun-seekers in tropical Jamaica. Find out what's happening — and what's not happening — there during the pandemic.
CNN | By Terry Ward, CNN

Check out this fascinating article by Time Out Sydney on The Kastle, Sydney’s last full service BDSM dungeon.

Mistress Scarlett (the dungeon’s owner) and Mistress Lucilla explain the ins and outs of this unique space and the dungeon’s mission- bringing fantasies to life in a safe, sane, and consensual manner.

Check it out now!

Meet the mistresses who reign over the Kastle, Sydney's last full service BDSM dungeon
Meet the mistresses who reign over Sydney’s last full service BDSM dungeon
Time Out Sydney

Victoria Rage, a Seattle-based Dominatrix, gives some insight on how she has adapted her work to fit the current state of world.

She then goes on to give sex workers helpful advice on how to grow their business during these trying times.

This article is great for veterans and novices alike. We must be flexible and roll with the punches during this uncertain period.

Thanks for the advice Ms. Rage!

https://www.businessinsider.com.au/bdsm-works-covid-19-era-but-dont-jump-right-dominatrix-2020-8https://www.businessinsider.com.au/bdsm-works-covid-19-era-but-dont-jump-right-dominatrix-2020-8


Musings of subspace-land pic.twitter.com/8dl15rGvjt

— BDSMeme (@bdsmMeme) August 27, 2020

Have some kinky news to share? Tell us about any upcoming BDSM events, new products, dungeon openings / closings, kink in mainstream media, and anything else you think kinky folks might be interested to hear about. Send your tips through to kinkweekly@gmail.com, and it might just end up on next week’s “This Week in Kink.”

Tagged With: bdsm play, coronavirus, dominatrix, dungeon, ethical non-monogamy, exhibitionism, fetish, pandemic, polyamory, sex workers, swingers

This week in kink: August 27, 2018

August 27, 2018 By Dexx 3 Comments

Photographer: Matthias Wallmeier
Model: Miss Fetilicious

Meet James Davis- a 36 year old army vet who lives with his wife, fiance, and two submissive sex slaves

Click here to read more


Photographer: Matthias Wallmeier
Model: Miss Fetilicious

Ever want to take control of the conversation? Check out these conversational tips from a Dominatrix

Click here to learn more


Photographer: Matthias Wallmeier
Model: Miss Fetilicious

Sophie Saint Thomas dispels a lot of the mystery surrounding foot fetishes

Click here to find out more


Photographer: Matthias Wallmeier
Model: Miss Fetilicious

Don’t miss the new BDSM web-series titled Switch

Click here to learn more


Have some kinky news to share? Tell us about any upcoming BDSM events, new products, dungeon openings / closings, collarings, kink in mainstream media, and anything else you think kinky folks might be interested to hear about. Send your tips through to kinkweekly@gmail.com, and it might just end up on next week’s “This Week in Kink.”

Tagged With: bdsm, communication, consent, dom, dominatrix, dungeon, fetish, foot fetish, kink, polyamory, power exchange, sub, switch

This week in kink: July 9, 2018

July 9, 2018 By Dexx 4 Comments

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New to kink? Not new but want to brush up on skills or just enjoy a play party with fresh energy?  CLUB AWAKENING is what you’re looking for!

Club Awakening is a party that was designed for newbies in the BDSM scene.  It’s been a monthly party since March 2016 at Sanctuary LAX.  This party includes 4 set tasting booths plus one surprise booth each month.  The set booths are hands on play (spanking, face slapping, etc), crops/canes/paddles, flogging, and rope.  You can either feel what these things feel like as a bottom or learn how to do these things as a Top – or both!  We even have several volunteer practice bottoms to lend a helping hand (aka butt) so you can practice even without a play partner.  Other volunteers float the venue to answer questions and help point you in the right direction.

There are also 2-3 vendors and a midnight raffle – with multiple prizes to win!  We provide a coat and bag check for a nominal fee as well as a fun photo booth where you can get pics taken of you and your friends to commemorate the night!

You can get DISCOUNTED pre-sale tickets or pay at the door! (see below for links)

About the venue:

Sanctuary Studios LAX is proud to have been named “Best Dungeon in Los Angeles” by TimeOut Magazine – February 2016

Sanctuary LAX is a Los Angeles dungeon located within close proximity to LAX. It features a state of the art, air-conditioned facility completely rebuilt from the ground up under the direction of Mistress Cyan. Formerly known as Passive Arts, Sanctuary Studios LAX is the largest Dungeon in Los Angeles with more than 7000 sq ft. and a 1500 sq. ft. main room. The location features many rooms (both large and more intimate), high ceilings, and a large variety of dungeon furniture.  It is complete with an outdoor smoking patio and a stage in the main room with plenty of seating.

 Facebook event page: https://www.facebook.com/events/245871022658951/

Fetlife Club Awakening Group page: https://fetlife.com/groups/138431

Fetlife event page: https://fetlife.com/events/679247

Pre-sale DISCOUNTED TICKETS: https://AwakeningJuly2018.eventbrite.com


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Death in Hollywood Dungeon

Click here to read more about this tragedy


2018-02-26_2039


Book SF Dungeon Tour via Airbnb

Click here to find out more


Nude submissive woman shoulder, bdsm act with Wartenberg wheel on black background


Learn what to do if someone posts non-consensual intimate photos of you

Click here to read what steps to take


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Click here to learn six spanking tips for beginners


Have some kinky news to share? Tell us about any upcoming BDSM events, new products, dungeon openings / closings, collarings, kink in mainstream media, and anything else you think kinky folks might be interested to hear about. Send your tips through to kinkweekly@gmail.com, and it might just end up on next week’s “This Week in Kink”

Tagged With: Club Awakening, consent, dominatrix, dungeon, jenn masri, Spanking

My First Play Party

November 20, 2017 By Jenn Masri Leave a Comment

fetish-legs

I get asked by friends all the time, “Jenn, don’t you get tired of teaching the same basic stuff over and over?”

To that I say no.  The reason I don’t get tired of what I do is for many reasons.  I am giving info and providing opportunities that I wished I’d had when I was new, seeing people discover new things makes my heart super happy, and staying in touch with new folks week after week keeps me in touch with when I was new.  I think it’s important to remember what that was like – otherwise it’s easy to become jaded, frustrated and even judgmental.  What becomes second nature or common knowledge to us is often foreign to a new person.  There is a learning curve here.

So having said all that I wanted to go back to my first ever public play party.

When I started in the scene I went to classes and munches and spent much of my time in the rope world and the spanko world.  I got involved with a spanko group (which still exists) that, at that time, consisted of private parties in the group leader’s residence. Then one of the members of that group hosted a spanko party at a dungeon.  I decided this would be a safe entry into the dungeon play party world because at least I would know a few people.  This party happened to be held at a well-known dungeon in North Orange County here in SoCal.

I pulled into the parking lot in my family size SUV and I just sat there for a while.  The address I punched into my Garmin took me to an industrial business type building so I had to double check my GPS like 25 times to make sure I wasn’t in the wrong place.  Then I noticed people starting to arrive.  I scoured their clothing and noticed that most of the women were wearing things like sundresses or flowy knee length skirts!  I panicked.  I looked down at my tight denim mini skirt and 6 inch stilettos and I immediately doubted my choice of outfit!  Would I stand out like a sore thumb?  Had I worn the wrong thing? Before I let myself give in to the panic and just drive home, I decided to text the one person who I knew was at the party and that I actually had a number for.  (It happened to be the leader of the group at the time.)  I told him I was parked outside and afraid I’d dressed inappropriately.  I asked him to please come out to my car and tell me if I was right.  (yes, he was nice enough to leave the party and come out to calm my fears)  He laughed on his way to the car, shaking his head, and once he saw my outfit he assured me I would be completely ok. He walked me in and we went inside to where the party was happening.

The first thing I did was make a friend – a cute girl in pigtails and a cheerleading outfit – because at least she was another person not in a casual sundress!  She and I sat and hung out and I realized that there was a reason for all those sundresses and flowy skirts.  This was a spanko party and they were easy to flip up!!  Lol  Oh was I relieved!  It wasn’t about a dress code or what outfit was appropriate, it was just easier access for what they were there to do!

After that realization I relaxed, met more people, including some from a class I’d been in a couple weeks before, and had a good time.  There is more to the story but I covered the point of this article.  Your first public play party can be scary and overwhelming.  It’s ok to admit that and to reach out to a friendly face.  It’s also good for veterans of the scene to remember this if you are the one they reach out to!

Jennifer Masri is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, specializing in Alternative Lifestyles for individual and relationship issues. She also teaches the BDSM 101 class series at Sanctuary LAX in Los Angeles every Monday evening. Read more about Jennifer on her blog, A Kink Shrink.

Tagged With: beginner, dungeon, first time, play party, public play, spanko

DUNGEON ON A BUDGET

October 16, 2017 By Baadmaster 4 Comments

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With a lot of new kinksters entering this lifestyle, many of them Millennials, putting a home dungeon together can be quite expensive. And if you live in a city that does not have a commercial dungeon, then one would have to figure out a way to get the feel of a BDSM play space economically. Thus this article.

The key to any cost-effective home dungeon is being inventive. And you don’t have to spend lots of money to make your play space wonderful. For example, there are “Ninety-Nine Cents” type stores in every city. Unbeknownst to them, they are a BDSM toy emporium. (Of course, the Home Depot has lots of BDSM toys at slightly higher prices.) Here is just a partial list of dungeon supplies and toys available; the enormosity of the selection available is impressive.

Spring-loaded paper clips — Budget nipple clamps! But wait, there’s more – they are also for the genitalia too!

Hairbrushes — Two devices in one! Spanking on the flat side, light torture on the bristle side.

Rubber bands — The all-purpose BDSM toy. Wrap around the nipple or better still perfect for cock and ball torture.

Clothespins — Buy a hundred of ‘em for a buck and go to town. They come in wood, plastic and in lots of sizes.

Loofah sponges, sandpaper, steel wool, Scotchbrite. These stores could be called “Abrasions ‘R Us!”

Spatulas — The slave can also use them to make breakfast.

Wooden spoons — The slave can also use them to make soup.

Rolling pins — The slave can also use them to make a pie crust.

C-clamps – Available in greater variety at the Home Depot. But rarely more than five bucks a pair.

Duct tape – If not available at the Dollar Store, it is surely stocked to the rafters at the Home Depot.

Plastic locking pliers — My personal favorite. Plastic knock-offs of the metal version are a torture tool extraordinaire. But the Home Depot all-metal version is even better!

Pickle pinchers — Pinch your pickles or pinch your submissive.

Funnels — Great for funnel play.

Cutting boards — The heavyweight paddle without the heavy price tag!

Candles — Even when I have some extra cash, I always buy the dollar-store candles. (When using, double check their hotness.)

Plastic curtain liners — These are great to put on your bed when you play with hot wax. Use once and throw away.

Bottle brushes — Less than a buck for this true tool of terror!

Karabiners — These nifty devices are spring-loaded metal links that can be put together to form a chain of any length. Simply awesome!

Baby pacifiers — Age play, humiliation, punishment…this is the toy of a thousand uses.

Mousetraps — Apply gently. Never snap them. (They also keep your new dungeon rodent-free.)

Rope — Rope is available at these stores; but go to Home Depot instead.

Chains — Home Depot again.

Generic “Icy Hot” — If you are an Icy Hot fan, you can save a couple of dollars by buying the generic here. If you use a lot, it might pay!

Self-heating pads — These heating pads can be awesome when put on the right spot at the right time. Here at the right price!

Feather dusters, toothbrushes, chamois cloths — Tickle, tickle little star!

Rubber gloves — Useful in the kitchen, useful in the dungeon.

Alligator clips — All kinds of neat clips can be found here.

Dungeon Supplies — Cotton swabs, disinfectant wipes, alcohol, band-aids, baby oil, betadine swabs and other generic pharmacy supplies line the shelves at these bargain stores.

Not all of these items are available at all times. And there are products that you can improvise with that are not listed here. The only limit is your imagination.

Of course, you can always go elaborate and design St. Andrew’s Crosses, spanking benches and the like. But between Home Depot and the Dollar Stores, you can create a fun space and not go broke!

By BaadMaster
After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.

Tagged With: bdsm, budget bdsm, diy, dungeon, play room

Cybil Troy – Private Rubber

October 16, 2017 By steven_sandler 2 Comments

Photo 5 Photo 8 Photo 7 Photo 1 Photo 6 Photo 4 Photo 3 Photo 2

Cybill Troy is a globally renowned Professional Dominatrix. She has a long standing interest in facilitating perverse and nefarious activities, and is highly skilled in all forms of BDSM that interest her. Originally from New York City, now residing in Southern California, she is the Proprietress of DTLA Dominas [hyperlink dtladominas.com], with her studio in Downtown Los Angeles.

As a professional Mistress, Cybill Troy has a highly developed set of skillsnd a very diverse range of interests. For Cybill Troy, a career of kink, domination, and fetishism is not just a mundane 9-5 work interest; she also enjoys various elements of these things in her personal life.

As a Professional Mistress, Cybill Troy has been widely published in print, web, and also in a plethora of video productions. It should come as no surprise, that with such exposure on a professional level, Miss Troy places a very high value on her private, personal activities and interests.

However, she occasionally allows others to steal a glimpse into her personal, private world.

This shoot by Steven Sandler is an example of such privilege. As a trusted photographer within her social circle, Cybill Troy engaged in a nice relaxed, fun shoot, depicting her enjoyment of some rubber encased moments with her favorite rubber gimp.

Steven Sandler is a professional photographer, also from New York and now living in Los Angeles. His primary focus as an artist is on edgy erotic portraits both in and out of the studio with a pervasive fetish theme. Steven has shot for numerous Pro Domme websites and recently shot the cover of the DomCon New Orleans 2017 program.

Tagged With: dungeon, photography, photoshoot, rubber, vinyl

Dungeon Party Rules to Swear By

July 24, 2017 By Vic Sharp 1 Comment

Dudes and dudettes, partying is hard work, thats right, it takes time and effort to know how to party correctly. Learning the careful and delicate dance of slamming jagger-bombs and shotgunning a natty while making it look good is no simple task.
Here are a few tips to get you started.

Most important, know your crowd and how to cater yourself to them. You will need to behave a certain way at a college kegger vs a polished dinner party. Knowing what the crowd is will help you in the rest of these steps.

Appropriate attire, first and foremost in this department, is there a theme? If a party has a theme or a dress code follow it and put in effort. It’s a buzzkill when someone decides not to participate in the theme and depending on the crowd can be considered a party foul. If there is no theme dress appropriately for the crowd. Going to a kegger? Some comfortable jeans and a tee will do fine and maybe a pair of trunks in case there is a pool. If you are going to a fancy dinner party dress for the part and put in effort people notice that stuff.

The host has invited you, that means they want to have your company there and want you to be a part of their inner circle. If you haven’t done so yet ask if there is anything you can bring and even if they say no it’s always nice for show up with either a bottle of wine or a case of beer. Be sure to meet up with the host on arrival and let them know you are there, have a drink with them and thank them for inviting you.

Engage with others, step out of your bubble and talk to the strangers around you, they will only be strangers for a little while then they become friends. Don’t cling to the host as a security blanket, as much as they like having you at the party they have things to take care of.

If someone offers you a drink and you are a drinker accept and give them a cheers. If you are not a drinker just say so and ask for water or soda. Do not accept the drink then hide it when no one is looking, thats a party foul. Drink plenty of water between drinks and be sure to pace yourself and know your limits. You don’t want to be the burn out of the party.

Engage in the party games, whether it’s playing pictionary or beer pong, boggle or keg stands. Joining the shenanigans will help cement yourself as a lively and active party buddy and will likely lead to more invitations to other parties. Remember, a bit of friendly competition is encouraged but don’t over do it.

Drugs are a part of partying, if you don’t do drugs cool, just don’t be a narc about it if others are. If you are curious to learn more maybe do so on your own time and avoid asking guests a bunch of questions about what they are doing, it makes them nervous.

Again, know your crowd and prepare appropriate topics of discussion and also be ready to talk about random things as well. Being well spoken and showing varied interests makes you recognizable.

Unless your about to tie your shoe laces the words “hold my beer” must not leave your mouth.

Clean up a bit, it may not seem like a lot but it really helps the host out and will once again increase your chances at another invite. Be careful not too clean TOO much, it’s one thing to be helpful it’s another thing being a doormat.

Dance, it doesn’t matter if you are good what matters is that you are confident. So don’t be scared to boogie down, tear it up or get down with your bad self. If no one else is dancing be the one to get it started, I guarantee others will join in and if they don’t, who cares? Not you, Mr. Travolta.

Say your farewells to everyone you met as you’re heading out and reconnect one last time. Give your name and firm handshakes maybe even a few hugs. Save the host for last and once again thank them for having you and be sure to express how much of a good time you had. Remember your host is likely nervous and hoping that people enjoyed their party so validation is key.

These are just a few party etiquette guidelines to follow, give them a go and let us know how it goes.

Vic Sharp is a switch living in San Diego. You can learn more about him here.

Tagged With: dungeon, dungeon etiquette, dungeon rules

Top Ten Dungeon Tips

May 26, 2017 By Baadmaster 2 Comments

With the summer play party season upon us – and the kinkweekly.com launch party a little more than a week away – I think it might be enlightening to offer some “dungeon tips” to our readers.

This article — for both Doms and subs alike – is another compendium of tips compiled from real life interviews with members of L.A.’s famed dungeon, the Lair DeSade. They might not all apply to everyone and some might seem obvious — but just one useful tip can make your dungeon experience much more enjoyable.

1. Don’t play on your first visit to a dungeon. If you are new at public play, it is best to simply observe before you attempt playing for the first time. See how others do it. Remember, being a voyeur is an accepted perversion around here; no one will put any pressure on your to play. Even if you are an experienced public player, it is wise to take a night off and just watch. As Yogi Berra (a twentieth century mystic) said, “You can observe a lot just by watching!”

2. Follow proper dungeon etiquette. Basic dungeon policy is usually posted. Regardless, one universal rule is not to enter anyone’s scene space. Another is to not talk loudly while watching a scene. (Treat the players like pro golfers – whisper!) Last, but not least, don’t touch anyone’s body, even a naked one, without permission. Look – but don’t touch!

3. Discuss your first visit with your partner. After your initial visit, if you decide to play publicly, discuss what you saw with your partner. Both of you – Dom/me and sub – should exchange ideas as to what you liked and what you didn’t like. Get a general feel for what you both feel comfortable doing in your first public scene.

4. Plan your first scene. When you see musicians jam, they usually have their sets planned out. It is not totally free-form. Same with scening in public. You should not just wing it. Have a good idea of what equipment you will be using, what your scene will consist of and the general arc of the play. It need not be a note-for-note plan, but you should not leave a lot to chance – especially for your first scene.

5. Bring your own toys. Don’t assume you can borrow cuffs, or other BDSM items, at the dungeon. Other than bondage furniture (like St. Andrew’s Crosses and spanking benches that the club provides), don’t expect to find ancillary items there. If your scene requires a ball gag, bring it. Handcuffs, bring them. A flogger, bring it. You would be surprised how many people try, in vain, to borrow toys for a scene. Once you get to know the members, this might be possible. But, on your first few visits, come prepared.

6. Ambient sound. Any public space has ambient sound which can be much more intrusive than you would ordinarily expect. It can render it nearly impossible for the Dom/me to hear the sub’s safe word. It can mask every other secondary cue that the Dom/me usually takes into consideration – like breathing and even crying. Thus, the Dom/me must be overly attentive to the submissive — especially if he/she is not familiar with the masking phenomenon that ambient noise can cause.

7. The “crowd effect.” When groups of people watch a scene, it creates a “crowd effect.” An audience amplifies energy, similar to any sports event. Thus, the Dom/me hits a bit harder, shows off a little more and can unwittingly alter his/her game plan. The “crowd effect” can also have a positive effect – the sub might find the scene especially exhilarating due to the endorphin rush this “crowd effect” causes. Be aware of the double-edged sword that the “crowd effect” can be and try to use it to your advantage.

8. Don’t copy. Do your own scene. You can learn by studying other people play, but don’t copy them. Doing your own thing is the best way to enjoy the dungeon.

9. Have both a safe word and safe signal. With all the ambient noise, distractions and crowd effects, you might be thrown off your game in some unexpected manner. Make sure you not only have a safe word, but also have a safe signal. In addition, the Dom/me should be overly observant as to the condition of the sub. You surely don’t want some Dungeon Monitor stopping your scene when you could just as easily have stopped it, or slowed it up, by yourself!

10. Have fun! You would be surprised how many people – even the so-called New Guard – bring their serious game-face to the dungeon. One should be serious, yes. But still, the object is to have fun.

If you observe these tips, your visit to a dungeon will be a great experience!

By BaadMaster
After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.

Tagged With: dungeon, public play

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