power dynamic

It has been nearly two years since the first time Master called me Pig.

We were sitting in a Leather class at a local convention and the Leatherman teaching the class introduced both himself and his wife/slave (who could not attend for health reasons).  He explained that she was his girl and she identified as a Pig.

Naturally, someone asked why.

His answer still rings in my ears today. “Because she squeals when I hit her.”  He laughed.  He said that was their favorite response to the question.  I do not remember most of his definition of why she identified as a pig.  I remember key words.  Tenacity.  Durability. Loyalty.

Master did not hesitate in leaning over and whispering in my ear that it sounded like me.  In an instant, I was blushing, and I hid my face in his shoulder, shaking my head slightly.  I was embarrassed.  

Each time he brought it up that weekend, I adamantly refused him.  

When I finally accepted his new name for me, I corrected him.  I am not a pig.  I will never be a pig.  But I would happily, and bashfully, be his piggie.

There are two defining reasons for this distinction.  

Growing up, my Great Graa and Graa (short for grandmother) were my best friends.  For the first eight years of my life, I spent more time with them than my parents.  They referred to our trio as the “Pig Women.”  While I was never told why Great Graa gave us that nickname, it is still something I hold dear.  It is also something I choose to keep separate from the darker side of my kink journey.

The second are my own experiences growing up.  

I am not a traditional beauty.  I have, only in recent years, come to accept that I am beautiful in my own way.  I have never been desired by anyone who did not use me for their own gain.  I was bullied, lied to, manipulated, used, and abused by those I had chosen to trust as friends.  I have spent my life overweight.  I have struggled through eating disorders, self- harm, and mental disorders.  I have continually shied away from anything that negatively related to any of those struggles.  For me, the term Pig has ugly connotations that refer to my weight struggles and my non-traditional looks.  It is a time of my life I am not eager to relive.

Throughout my journey in kink, I have discovered strengths in myself that I never thought possible.  I found I could take heavy impact play.  In fact, I craved it.  I adopted the term masochist to define my love and craving for such rough play.

I reveled in making people cringe when they watched us play.

But it wasn’t until Master introduced me to humiliation and degradation play that I found my place.

Where I could take a beating quietly, and I could banter back to tease him, humiliation would reduce me to tears in a matter of minutes.  The first time we delved into it as the main part of play, He thought he broke me.  The scene lasted about ten minutes.  The aftercare took more than a half hour.  

The end of that scene found me kneeling, unable to speak, tears rolling down my cheeks, and unaware of anything around me, including the presence of Master.

I have never felt more liberated than I had after that.  My demons felt less oppressive and my mood was lighter.

From that point, we have pushed against all of my perceived boundaries.  We use my fears to amplify the intensity of a scene.  We take my insecurities, and he criticizes me for them in play.  He has taught me that when I kiss his boots to end said scene, the insecurities stay there.  By adding them to play, they plague me less in my everyday life.

I have found a deep love of foot and boot worship.  I find it relaxing and arousing, and absolutely humiliating.  Worship has the flexibility to allow me to play sensually just as easily as I play rough.  For example, kissing his boots to end a scene is comforting.  It allows me to reconnect with Master.  Removing his boots after a long day of work reminds me of my place.  Polishing his boots allows me to care for him and show my pride in my service.  Yet, licking the dirt from his boots as he degrades my skills, both arouses and breaks me.  It makes me try harder, push more, and lose myself in our play.  

What I find most ironic, is that I can explain the humiliation I have willingly suffered, but the idea of expressing what piggie means to me, has left me struggling to put the thoughts to paper.

So, let me start back at the beginning.

As I said, I was embarrassed.  But I was also confused.

I am not, nor will I ever be, a pet.

Master is not, nor will he ever be, a handler or an owner.

So, how then, could I be a pig and yet not be a pet?

Pet play is when someone roleplays as a domesticated animal.

I do not find this definition to be all encompassing, just based on the pets I do know.  For them, pet play is also a headspace.  This is where they often take on the characteristics of the animals they relate to.  For example, the kittens tend to enjoy curling up, purring, being petted, meowing, etc.  They may have their ability to talk restricted since “animals do not speak English.”  Some enjoy being placed on a leash and playing with toys.

The first time I was introduced to pet play, it involved Pony Play.  Specifically, it involved “Show Ponies.”  Then I was introduced to Puppies.  Then Kittens.  At this point, I have met foxes, bunnies, and even a lizard.  You truly can be whatever you wish to be.  

**For reference, I was introduced through friends.  I did not partake in the activities myself.

Most often, Pet Play varies from animal to animal.  

Let’s look at the most common animals: Ponies, Puppies, and Kittens.

Ponies, for example, tend to work on their walks (such as cantering).  But even this varies.  Some ponies are trained to pull carts.  Sometimes their trainer rides the carts and sometimes it is for labor purposes.  Ponies are one animal that undergo more formal training than other animals.  

For example, when leading a pony, a trainer should stand on the left of them, with a 12-18in gap of lead between them, to lead the pony.  This is similar to the etiquette of leading a bio-horse.  Keeping the lead slack if the pony is behaving and tightening it when they disobey.  A sharp tug can stop an errant pet in their tracks.

If you are teaching them “tying,” the process reflects teaching a puppy to stay.  A ground tie simply means your pony has reigns and/or lead on but is able to remain standing at a point you have left them without requiring them to be tied to a post so they do not wander off.  

It starts with a proper stance. The pony should stand squarely, his weight distributed evenly on both legs.  His front hooves and fore hooves should be hanging straight down.  His head should be held up, his back should be straight, and he should remain looking ahead of him.  Once he has mastered the stance, the trainer will slowly work on teaching them to stay.  Depending on the pony, this can be a lengthy process.  Positive reinforcement is the recommended way to train but a good swat on the ass if they aren’t listening never went awry.  You may wander a few feet after telling them to stay.  If they do as you have instructed, you should move back to them and then reward them.  You can give them a treat, pet them, and/or tell them what a “good boy” they are.  If they have disobeyed, pick your poison for correction.  It could be a tug on the reigns, a verbal reprimand, or a swat to the ass.  Repeat this process, moving a little further each time, until they have demonstrated their understanding of the command.

The Ground tie training helps with the next step of training.  Ponies are expected to be able to stand still for longer periods of time (i.e. more than fifteen minutes).  Fidgeting, pulling, or pawing is considered undesirable.  A pony should be able to sink into their identity and hold themselves with calm confidence.  The best I can describe it as is a deep meditative state.  

Pony training is a long process that requires a deep love and dedication to your desired role.

Puppies tend to be very enthusiastic, play fetch, and tend to be social.  I have had a little more interaction with puppies than I have ponies.  They are my personal favorites.  I find the happy energy that puppies exude to be contagious and I find there to be a little more freedom in their interactions with outsiders.  I am also a sucker for a cute puppy and do so love to pet them (with their and their owner’s consent).  

Puppy play is often a direct reflection of what a bio-dog likes.  Most puppies enjoy playing fetch.  They enjoy tug of war and catch. They love being petted, belly rubs, and, of course, treats.  I find puppies to be exceedingly loyal as well.

They can be trained with commands through the use of German words (as Service dogs are trained), sign language or hand signals, or through the native language of the pup.

Puppy play varies from person to person.  It depends on what they enjoy, disabilities the pup may have, opportunity to play, and so forth.

Kittens are far more introverted and tend to be calmer. In our local community, we have eight people who identify as kittens.  The leading theme is that they also identify as littles and brats.  While these identities are not mutually exclusive, in my experience, they often intermingle. From what I have been told, the mindsets are similar.

I find that kittens and puppies also tend to have behavior corrected with BDSM-related discipline.  

Let’s break this down a little bit further:

The wider umbrella term of this kink is called “Animal Play.”  The definition is the same as Pet play, but it tends to refer to non-domesticated animals.  Cows and Pigs fall under this type of play.

A furry fetish refers to an interest in animals with human-like tendencies and features. Indulging in this fetish might involve drawing these characters, wishing to become them, or interacting with other furries in online communities.

Although often mistaken as such, Primal play is not inherently animal play.  It revolves around getting in touch with your baser, and more animalistic, instincts.  While I have met some who relate to animals, such as wolves, it is more about power than being an animal.

Each of these sub-categories can include sexual aspects.  It is purely up to the negotiations and consent of those involved on whether sex is included or not.

Then there is Piggie.

Piggie is born of humiliation.  

I talk about her as though she is a separate being.  Because, in my mind, she is.

Piggie has her own headspace.  It isn’t animalistic to me.  It is a quiet headspace.  It makes it difficult for me to speak with words and I am often reduced to a low whining sound, from the back of my throat.  I find that the boundaries of my limits blur so heavily, I struggle to remember that they exist. While Piggie prefers to crawl, there is no limit to standing or sitting.  

When we started this, Master only called me it occasionally in an effort to embarrass me.  He said my reaction was cute when he brought it up.  This was not limited to in-person teasing.  He would often tease me through text as well, and it was no less impactful.

Then it showed up in a scene.

It is hard to remember exactly how it happened.  But sometime during our play, he referred to me as his piggie.

Later on, I asked him why.  He wasn’t sure.  He said it felt right in the moment.  Slowly, over that next year, the name would appear more and more.

I asked again.

He said it was because I am always “down to get dirty.”  When I asked for clarification, he said that I had little inhibitions when it came to play.  Whatever he wanted to try, no matter how humiliating or ‘dirty,’ I would whole-heartedly explore.

I considered it a compliment at that point.  

Then came the oink.

During one of our scenes, maybe 9 months ago, he ordered me to oink for him.  For those of you who read my stories, you can imagine what happened.  I stared him down, in complete silence, and I pursed my lips.  I silently refused to oblige him.

So, he pushed me.  He put my body through impact that was meant to break my resolve.  Without a word, I knew that I was either going to oink or safeword by the end of that scene.  I just had to figure out which option I was taking.

Over time, “oink” has become a safeword on its own, at least to me.  We have scenes now that do not end until I utter that word.  While it has never actually replaced my safeword, I know that when I have to choose between “oink” or “Red”, I will always utter “oink.”   

**It is important that I specify that we have never negotiated oink as a safeword.  The feeling of it is solely based around how I feel in the moment.  Making me oink is a form of humiliation, especially because I struggle so hard against it.  As with anything, there are exceptions to the rule.  We have continued play after I utter the word.  He has had me utter it over and over and over again, just to see me curl in on myself in embarrassment.

I have discovered that pushing myself to the point of oinking fucks with my head.  It strips me of my humanity.  It reinforces my natural reactions in subspace.

I am one who gets exceedingly quiet during play.  The further I get into subspace, the worse it gets.  It has been an on-going process to learn to answer Master verbally, in and out of play.  But, once I move into service mode, I stay quiet.  By the time I hit subspace, I lose the ability to speak at all.  It is as though I have forgotten how.  I stop understanding English.  I forget my own name.  I lose the ability to safeword at all.  

Master says I become catatonic.

Except, I can still be of service.  I can continue to function on autopilot and meet Master’s needs, but I cannot do it independently and of sound mind.  There have been many times that he has had to call the scene when I hit that point.  My trust in his ability to take care of me is infallible.  That is what allows us to explore such extreme mind fuckery without fear of permanent repercussions.

I explored pet play because that’s where everything leads.  When you look up “pig” or “piggie,” you either end up with pet play or food play as a result.  Neither of these fits what I am.

So, now I get to ask you the same questions I asked myself.

How can I be a piggie, if I am not a pet?

The answer is easier to express now.  It is because being a piggie is simply who I am.  The attributes I have given her are a part of me.  

I do not need to take on the roles of the animal itself.

I do not need gear (though we are exploring the absolute humiliation that occurs when I shake my 8-inch springy tail).  My talking is never restricted, nor is my ability to walk. 

 Being Piggie is not a headspace that I must achieve.  

Piggie just is.

She thrives in my humiliation the degradation of my everyday self.  She sets out to please, by any means necessary.  She has little in the way of reservations and finds pleasure in watching my inhibitions disappear.

Piggie is born from a desire to be humiliated and degraded by Master. Piggie is…Me.

My name is Joji.  I am 29 years old currently and I have been in and around the kink community about 15 years.I am a collared submissive to Magick42.  I am also a Daddy to a wonderful babygirl, and have been for more than three years now and I find it very fulfilling.  I am being mentored in and being taught electroplay.  I am a masochist at heart and thoroughly love impact play, especially caning.  I enjoy reading anything I can get my hands on and am a die hard Harry Potter and Doctor Who fan.  I am also the secretary for a group in Idaho called Moscow S.P.A.R.K.E (Simply Providing Another Route to Kink Education).  It is our mission to teach safe practices to those new to the community and give them a safe haven to ask questions and learn without judgement.  We accept all kinks and all we ask in return is respect between all our members.