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The Power of Punishment

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How many of us have continually blamed ourselves for things we have done in the past? How many of us have had a partner remind us of our mistakes in a sarcastic or passive aggressive manner?

I feel the answer would be “yes” for most of us.

It’s human to have emotions that make us wants to hold onto things. It’s normal to make a mistake, blame others, and feel bad for what you have done or what has been done to you. However, it’s not healthy to hold onto the bad forever. We need to forgive ourselves, and we need our partners to forgive us as well (or the relationship is doomed to fail).

I have found the best way to do this is through receiving a punishment.

In our home, punishments aren’t given to make me feel worse. They are given so I can learn from my mistakes, so I can feel I have paid the price for what I have done, and so both my Master and I can move on from the incident knowing that it has been properly dealt with.

After the punishment is over, we hold no grudges towards each other. We even have a rule that the incident is not to be brought up again once the punishment has been completed. We always have a discussion about the infraction, and my Master will put in new rules and protocols, if necessary, to help reduce the chances of the incident re-occurring in the future.

With any punishment, the D type must figure out the why the misdeed occurred, and, if necessary, come up with ways to reduce the chances of it occurring in the future. That’s the only way a punishment can be truly effective. If a s type doesn’t know why they are being punished or the true magnitude of their mistake, the misdeed could keep occurring over and over. And who wants to deal with that?

D types should always assess whether their s type is actively defying them or if there is something else going on.  A genuinely devoted s type will not actively disobey, unless that is something the D type wants to see in the dynamic. Some D types are into brattiness and youthful defiance, but I am not talking about that here.

Consistency is also key in making punishments effective. No matter how tired you are, D types always need to rise to the occasion and punish their s types if necessary. Inconsistency will create confusion in the dynamic, making the s type feel uncared for and/or even cause the s type to think they can get away with breaking rules. I actually feel upset if I forget to do something and I am not at least spanked by my Master for the infraction. I need that closure.

One of the most important things with regards to discipline is that the punishment should also always fit the offense. Many factors should be taken into account when giving a punishment, such as: frequency, the offense itself, the circumstances surrounding the incident, the s type’s state, the d types state etc.

My Master usually spanks me for minor infractions, and will use other means of punishment if the offense is more serious, or has occurred before. In the past, I have been given writing assignments, chores, and have had things withheld such as my work out classes or orgasms. All of these were very fitting to the specific offense, and my Master gave each of them a lot of thought before giving them to me.

A punishment should not be enjoyable for the s type, but should also never cross a hard limit. I would suggest, if you are going to use something physical like spanking as a punishment, to have a specific item you only use for disciplinary action. This toy/tool should be something the s type doesn’t like, but does not cross any hard limits either. For me, my Master’s implement of choice is a ruler, which I have grown to dread the sight of.

I also feel it is very important to thank your D type for taking the time to punish you. Punishing a s type means that that D type cares about the growth of the relationship and of the s type. Punishing is often very difficult for D types, so saying thank you can go a long way. In our home, we have a rule that I must thank my Master after any punishment. This helps me to show my gratitude for his commitment to my growth and the overall health of the relationship.

D types should never punish out of anger either. To ensure this never happens, in our home, Master does not have to punish me right away. He has 24 hours to give me my punishment. He will also let me know when he wants to talk about the incident. It’s always a good idea to have something like this in place to avoid not knowing what to do or what to expect when a rule is broken. It also allows the D type to punish when he or she is emotionally able to.

We are all human, and in any relationship people will anger or frustrate the other- no matter how much you love each other, how devoted you are, or how many rules you have. Because of this, it’s always wise to have some kind of protocol in place if an s type were to break contract. Some D types, may not want to punish, and that’s totally okay. But something should be put in place, whether it be a warning, punishment, correction, discipline, or exit clause if all and/or certain rules are broken.

Our punishment and reward system works very well for us because it allows us to move on from any misdeed very quickly. It puts an end to the incident in a physical way, which helps to alleviate any mental tension. It provides closure, acceptance and self-growth. It brings us closer as a couple. It also gives Master and me the space to talk about the incident, and to get ahead of any issues that might be forming.

Even though I never want to disappoint my Master, when I do, I am very grateful that he takes the time to punish me, so we can both gain closure and move on from any negative incident that occurs. I hope this article gives others ideas on how to accomplish these wonderful things too.

About the Author:

Slave Bunny, a 1950’s power slave, is involved in a wonderful and loving TPE 24/7 M/S relationship with her Master and husband. She is also the Creative Director of Kink Weekly.

She has dedicated her life to working on herself mentally, spiritually, and physically, and hopes to inspire others to do the same. Through teaching and mentoring, she hopes to help everyone in the Kink community as much as she can.

Feel free to add her on Fetlife (Slave_Bunny992) to see her upcoming workshops and classes.

 

The New 24/7 Slave

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In a previous kinkweekly.com article, The Dynamics of 24/7 D/s, I had opined on so-called 24/7 D/s relationships. I would like to expand on that article and offer a 24/7 plan that can work in our fast-paced and demanding society.

There are a lot of differing opinions when defining the phrase “24/7” as it applies to slaves and submissives. Technically, the precise definition of “24/7 slave” would have to mean exactly that — serving twenty-four hours, seven days a week. Nonstop. This works fine in the cyber world of idealized relationships. But in the real world, there are life considerations that usually make this impossible.

Taken literally, one could never be a 24/7 slave or sub unless one were totally detached from our basically vanilla world. Thus, the world of 24/7 Dom/me/sub relationships would be left to the unemployed, the independently wealthy, those without kids and/or those without any obligations outside of the slave serving Master or Mistress. This would eliminate all but a few of us. Thus, what we need is a realistic definition that everyone here can live with. A definition that works practically — but one that doesn’t water down the intent of the phrase “24/7 slave.” This can be especially useful for the “New Guard,” who seem to have interests in many other areas besides BDSM.

I think the key to defining a “new 24/7” lies not exclusively in the physical realm. You do not have to literally be at the Master’s or Mistress’s feet all the time. It is really the depth of dedication, not the weekly duration of service. (Of course there are purists who will disagree with me. But what is a debate without opposing views?) The key is to examine the emotional foundation of the Master/slave relationship.

What makes a slave a slave? Surely, slavery is illegal; “slave contracts,” appealing as they are, cannot be legally enforced. Master/slave is, and must be, a consensual agreement. But, it has to be more than just a “consensual agreement” if it is to have any meaning other than a semantic one. It must be more than just BDSM play and service to a Dominant figure. Since “slavery” is consensual, how exactly do we measure it? The key to “slavery” being more than just another form of dating lies in the fact that, at some point, the slave becomes bonded to her/his Master/Mistress in an incredibly deep way. At this point, the slave cannot leave the Master/Mistress without incredible amounts of mental agony; he/she is welded to the Master/Mistress; he/she needs the Master/Mistress to complete his/her existence. Once this point of mental enslavement and dedication is reached, it is, by definition, 24/7. The slave is owned without regard to the time of day or what he/she is doing. The Master or Mistress owns the slave all the time, whether he/she is working at a job, at the DMV or on safari in Africa.

Thus, we can define 24/7 Master/slave as a mental state rather than a physical one. Using this definition, the slave is owned, emotionally and mentally, twenty four hours, seven days a week. Even when apart, the slave’s world revolves around the Master/Mistress — whether the slave is physically with the Owner or not. Once in this TPE “slavespace,” the actual number of hours and days served per week is irrelevant. The slave can be at a job, applying for a loan, or even be at a PTA meeting. As long as the slave is mentally connected to his/her Owner 24/7, then we can effectively say he/she is a “24/7 slave.”

This is one compelling reason for the collar. Worn at all times, it serves as a constant reminder that the slave is connected and owned by the Master or Mistress – twenty-four hours, seven days a week. The collar also has its spiritual component; it symbolizes the Owner’s touching the slave’s neck at all times. It is, to many of us, a lot more than just a vanilla necklace. Besides the collar, technology, such as cellphones, can connect the slave to the Master or Mistress at all times no matter how far apart they might be. 24/7 is a bit easier now than it was in the pay phone era. (“Slave, keep a roll of quarters on you at all times!”)

But does eliminating the physical 24/7 requirement make it easy to be a 24/7 slave? Of course not. To be a slave, 24/7 or otherwise, requires trust, devotion and the need to serve one’s Master. So, to those of you who want to own or be a 24/7 slave, this article offers yet another approach. Keep in mind, that when you wear your Master’s or Mistress’s slave collar, you wear it 24/7. You are owned 24/7. Even if you are on safari!

By BaadMaster
After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.