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Adult Nursing Relationships

August 12, 2021 By Joji Sada 2 Comments

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For as long as I can remember, I have had an oral fixation.  Initially, it started with chewing.  I bit or chewed everything.  I always assumed it was a stress response.  As I got older, it developed into a love of sucking.  I often used my own wrist or lollipops if I was outside my home.  As I became more comfortable with it, I moved to using teething necklaces and pacifiers.

I find sucking comforting.  It quiets my mind and help calms me emotionally.  So, in times of stress or highly charged emotions, I use my mouth.  When I entered a relationship with my wife, I just didn’t bring it up.  I continued as I had for most of my life, by self-soothing.

What you may not know about me is that I used to write fanfiction.  I do, in fact, still read it to this day.  Somewhere in one of the stories, I was introduced to Adult Nursing Relationships (ANRs).  

So, what is it?

It has several different names that can be used interchangeably.  However, I do think the way someone refers to an ANR, reflects their interest in it.

Traditionally, ANRs are typically seen as pertaining to heterosexual couples, since this most often occurs after childbirth.  ANRs are not specific to any particular sexuality, gender, or relationship type (such as a Domestic Discipline, 1950’s, Caregiver/little, or D/s dynamic).  

The relationship aspect to ANR simply means there is some kind of underlying connection between the individuals.  It does not need to be a romantic or long-term relationship, although often times they are.  ANRs do not need to be sexual either.  The main attraction of breast feeding is often about bonding, close skin-to-skin contact, or the feelings of nurture from either suckling or being suckled.

So, let’s get into some definitions now that we know the background information.  

Adult Nursing– It is simply a person who drinks the milk of another.

-Medically, drinking a woman’s milk was done to alleviate the pain of swollen breasts, whether from a lack of natural expression or just an overabundance of production.  

Erotic Lactation– sexual arousal from drinking a woman’s breastmilk.  Lactophilia and Milk Fetishism are also terms that refer to this kind of sexual excitement (though they are mostly used in the field of psychiatry and listed in the ICD-10 and the DSM-IV).  Hucows (or Human Cows) also fall under erotic lactation but are more of a sexual fetish that involves animal play and milking.

ANRs can be romantic relationships, sexual relationships, emotional relationships, roleplay, or any combination thereof.

There is also a phenomenon called dry suckling.  Dry suckling is the suckling (or gentle application of sucking and licking) without milk production.

This is the one I enjoy.  My wife did not enjoy breastfeeding nor having her breasts swollen with milk.  When she stopped producing, she swore to never do so again.  While there are ways to induce milk production, we have chosen to not take those steps.  I find it emotionally soothing.  


Adult Nursing Relationships tend to develop one of two ways.  The first is natural development (or curiosity) after childbirth, in which your partner is naturally producing breastmilk.  The second is through arduous negotiation, upkeep, and effort.

The reason I call the second one arduous is because inducing lactation is not an easy process.  It requires constant suckling and stimulation to upkeep, even after milk production occurs.  That said, it is said to be extremely fulfilling.  

It should also be noted that some women struggle with or are incapable of producing breastmilk.  Some of the medical conditions can include hypoplasia of the breast, lactation insufficiency, insufficient milk syndrome, agalactia, agalactorrhea, hypogalactia or hypogalactorrhe.  

Even if you have not been diagnosed with any of these conditions, I always recommend seeing your primary care doctor for advice on inducing milk production, maintaining the supply, or how to cope with any struggles you may be having.

If you were to google it, there are hundreds of homeopathic remedies that say they can initiate or increase your milk supply.  Since I do not have a medical degree, I refuse to offer up advice on those types of remedies or the possibilities of failure or success by using them.


Lactation can be incorporated into a relationship beyond suckling.  In a D/s or M/s dynamic, it can give the D-type more control over their s-type’s body.  

  1. The ability of when or where the s-type can (or cannot) express their milk.
  2. Keeping an s-type bound to a schedule
  3. Breasts swollen with milk are more sensitive and can be incorporated with impact play for both pleasure and punishment (with care).
  4. Milk can be shared with guests at the D-type’s discretion (and with negotiated consent).
  5. If you push down on the breast (specifically at the point where the corner of the lips touch the skin) it breaks the suction.  If done repeatedly, I consider it to be quite Sadistic.

*If it is the D-type who is lactating, the withholding of the ability to suckle can be used as a form of punishment or as a conduit to teach patience and self-control

Honestly, the possibilities are endless.  The incorporation of certain types of play, such as needle play and/or piercings (play or permanent) should be assessed on a case-by-case basis to prevent too much trauma to the breast tissue, which could impact milk flow.


As mentioned earlier, ANRs can be enjoyed by any sexuality and gender.  Biologically, men do not naturally produce breastmilk (except in a couple rare phenomenon in which the hormone prolactin becomes present in their body).  However, there are ways that things can be adjusted to allow them to be the “producer.”  The use of a nursing bra and a bottle of milk (or another liquid of choice) can mimic the natural process.  Holding a partner and having them drink straight from a bottle can still give the same bonding experience while compensating for the inability to produce from the breast.  Tubing can also be used to slow feed liquids.  You can place the tubing near the nipple and have the individual suckle the nipple and the tubing at the same time.  Please note that this needs to be done carefully and can be both messy and a choking hazard if done incorrectly.


Overall, Adult Nursing Relationships are what you make them.  They can be sexual if that is what you wish.  They can be about bonding and being emotionally connected to a partner.  They can involve milk production or not (although the latter is considered a controversial idea).

For me, the most important part is the suckling.  It brings me comfort and peace of mind.  It soothes my frazzled nerves and calms me.  I prefer to suckle at her breast, but I have learned to adjust to the wrist or inner elbow as needed (since her nipples tend to be the most erogenous part of her body).  However you wish to look at it, ANRs are about connection.  Whatever your connection looks like, as long as it is consensual, let your imagination be your guide.

Tagged With: adult breastfeeding, bdsm, dominant, fetish, kink, little play, little space, mechanical milking, power exchange, submissive

Video: Adult Baby Diaper Lovers

August 5, 2021 By Evie Lupine 2 Comments

Don’t miss this week’s video on ABDL brought to us by the amazing Evie Lupine!

Click below to find out more!

BDSM 101: ABDL (Adult Baby Diaper Lovers)

Tagged With: bdsm, bdsm community, Daddy, daddy dom, Daddy/little girl, diaper play, dominant, fetish, kink, little space, littles, mommy, parenting, power exchange, submissive

Popular Kinks You Should Know About

January 24, 2021 By Grace Murphy 2 Comments

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When it comes to kinks and fetishes, there are all kinds of niche things that some people are turned on by, but others that are relatively popular and well known. If you are looking to explore something new or just want to know what to search for when you are looking for porn or seeing people talk about their own kinks, then here are five popular kinks that tend to be talked about quite often, and which you should know about:

MILFs and Older Women

The kink of being interested in older women, who may or may not be mothers, is a very common one – so common in fact that ‘MILF’ is one of the most popular porn search terms in the world. It is easy to understand the appeal of this one – older women are, at least in most people’s fantasies – more experienced and more confident, and this is something a lot of men find pretty hot. 

Of course, in porn, the term MILF tends to be used more as an age range for the performers, rather than as specifying any particular kink, and so not everybody who is into watching MILF porn stars or interactive things like MILF cam girls is actually younger than the women themselves and has a kink for older women. Still, if you have a kink for MILFs or older women in general, the popularity of this kink means that you will have no trouble finding cam girls to watch in your preferred age range – find out more here by checking out Babe Station, which is one of the best sites around for cam girls and has plenty of MILFs on the roster.

BDSM

BDSM isn’t so much a specific kink as an umbrella term for all kinds of different sexual dynamics that involve domination and submission. The term also covers ‘S&M’, which means sadism and masochism, and bondage. BDSM can cover such a huge array of different sexual practices and interests that in itself is more of a way of identifying you are into kinky stuff in general than being specific about, for instance, whether you are into things like spanking and impact play, or whether you prefer a dominant or submissive role. 

However, since ideas around BDSM have become far more mainstream thanks to the popularity of erotica books like Fifty Shades of Grey – which doesn’t give a particularly accurate idea of what people who are into BDSM do or are like but did make more people curious about the kinks discussed in it – lighter aspects of BDSM like experimenting with being tied up or blindfolded are things even a lot of fairly ‘vanilla’ people do.

Pegging

Pegging is when a woman uses a strap on to anally penetrate a man. This can be part of a BDSM type dynamic where a woman is dominant, also known as femdom, though it is also something some men just enjoy because anal penetration can feel pleasurable due to the prostate stimulation it creates, and for straight men, this is a way to add it into their sex lives. This means that some people who are into pegging prefer the dominatrix aspect of it, whereas others are just into the physical act itself. Pegging is becoming more widely talked about and mainstream, with people who had previously seen strap-ons as something usually used by women on other women as something that can be introduced into heterosexual sex as well.

DDlg

DDlg stands for ‘daddy dominant and little girl’, and while that may make it sound a bit dodgy, it is really just a description of a type of BDSM dynamic between adults, where the dominant in the relationship acts as a kind of caregiver to the submissive, who takes on an extremely submissive persona similar to a child. It can be something that describes only the way the couple interacts sexually or can describe their whole relationship dynamic all the time, depending on how much the people in question see BDSM as a lifestyle versus just something they adopt when they have sex. The term DDlg refers to a relationship with a male dominant and female submissive, but this type of dynamic also exists in reverse, and between same-sex couples, so the dominant and ‘little’ can be of any gender combination.

Cuckold or Hotwife

Cuckoldry refers to men who have a kink for having their wife or partner have sex with other men, usually with an element of humiliation involved for the man himself. Hotwife is an adjacent kink, where within a couple the wife has sex with other people with the husband’s knowledge and permission (often with him watching, joining in, or arranging the encounters for her), but where the humiliation of the husband isn’t part of it.

These are just some of the most talked-about kinks and sex terms right now, and of course, there are hundreds of other fetishes, kinks, and sex acts that you can find out about or explore!



Grace is an experienced writer who loves to create content on a variety of lifestyle topics, including relationships and dating.

Tagged With: bdsm, bdsm community, bdsm play, bdsm scene, cuckold, daddy dom, fetish, kink, little space, milf, pegging

Piggie’s Day Out

January 17, 2021 By Joji Sada 2 Comments

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via stock.adobe.com

***All works of erotica are fictional. We NEVER condone anything that is not consensual.


You have talked about this trip for months.

It started in passing.  You wanted to go visit some of your old haunts.  You wanted to see what had changed, who was still there, and surprise a few members of your leather family.

I was excited for you.

It’s not often you get the chance to be free Sir.  For you to take even these three days to visit is out of the ordinary. 

You were all set.  You asked me to book you a room.  After all, you cannot surprise family if you ask ahead of time to stay there.

I booked you a room with a king size bed, located only a few doors from the jacuzzi.  Long trips like this are murder on your body.  I know you will need to relax, and the heat will help you.

About a month ago, you asked me to come with.  I was surprised.  You had been looking forward to some time to yourself.  I did not wish to be underfoot.

You told me it was my decision.  Logically, you planned on taking some gear to use at a party and you would appreciate the help but would not force me to go.

I knew I was going the minute you asked.  Even kneeling quietly in a corner while you played would be enjoyable to me.  

I like watching you play Sir.

Course, I have never met a girl who was not mesmerized by you.


It is Friday now.  We are up before the sun, packing the van with your gear, our clothes, and a small cooler with drinks and snacks.

We have seven hours of driving ahead of us.  I am not looking forward to that.  I am worried I will get motion sick, like I often do, but you seem far less worried.

I run downstairs and say my goodbyes to the family, stopping to grab a jacket.  I know it will be cold for a while.

I lay my jacket in the car and I hear you call me into the garage.  I figured you needed my help.

I was wrong.

I stepped through the open door and one hand is on the back of my neck while your other covers my mouth.

You stare me down and get close to my face.

“Shh.  From this point out, you are in service mode.  You will worry about nothing.  Is that understood?”. You remove your hand from my mouth.

“Yes Sir”. My voice is breathy.  It often is when you take control so suddenly.

“Good.  Bend over and pull your panties down.”

The garage door is wide open.  Anyone could see us.  But it’s been less than a minute since you told me I am in service mode and I have no desire to start the trip on a bad note.

I bent over, pulling my short black sun dress up my back and my lace panties to my knees.

Two of your fingers rub across my clit.  You know I have no control. A few short strokes and then you plunged your fingers right inside me.  I gritted my teeth.  I have always been tight, and I cannot naturally lube.  We both know it hurts without preparation.

You finger fuck me until I am trying to push back against you.  

“Still.”

I whined softly.  I do not wish to be caught but I am always desperate when you touch me.

I felt something round press against my cunt.  It slips inside with only a bit of pressure.

You replace my panties and prompt me to stand up.  I am pulled back against your chest and your lips rest against my ear.

“That will stay in place until I say otherwise.  Did you pack the rest of what I asked?”

“Yes Sir,” I responded, thinking of both the clothespins and the clover clamps in my purse.

This is going to be an interesting ride and we have not even left yet.


We have been on the road for about two hours now and I don’t know how much longer I can take this.  Without so much as a word, you keep turning on the toy you slipped  inside of me.  I should have known it would be more involved than just keeping me filled for the trip.

Fast pulses until I am nearing the edge.  Then you cut the power.  My body convulses with the sudden stop.  I know better than to cum without permission.  Even if you are pushing my body to the limit, repeatedly.

Four hours in and my body is beyond tense.  You have been edging me continuously for the whole trip.  Soon, we see a sign that says we are five miles from the next town.  Your game intensifies.

“We are going to stop for gas and to get a drink.”  When you smile, I know that is not all that will be happening.

“Yes, Sir”

“Take the clamps out of your purse and put them on.”  You wait patiently as I do as instructed.  I gasp a little at the pressure.  The clover clamps bite hard on my tender flesh and press uncomfortably against my piercings.  I have never made it more than an hour in these, and that was pushing myself to tears.  “Now, slip your panties off.”  Just as I start removing them, you turn the toy to high and I squeeze my legs together just to gain some semblance of control.  I slide them down kick them from my ankles.  I move to pick them up, but you tell me to leave them.  

“When we stop, you are going to go inside and get us drinks.  Take your time sweetie, I will be waiting.”

My head drops down to my chest.  I know that my cheeks are turning a soft shade of red.  You know how much this embarrasses me to be so underdressed in public.

“What’s a matter sweetie?”

“Nothing, Sir.  I am feeling very shy.”

“Awww, poor little piggie.”

That just turns me an even brighter red.  I enjoy being your little piggie, but I am extremely shy outside of our home.  You love pushing me to face that embarrassment.

It is only a few miles to the gas station, and I am already feeling the bite of the clamps.  I close my eyes, trying to breathe through the pain.  Of course, you knew what I was trying to do.  You prefer when I stay in the moment.  

Suddenly, I feel your hand slap down onto my bare thigh.  My eyes fly open and I grunt from the force.  I look at you and you are simply grinning, keeping your eyes on the road.  I look down to my leg and I can see the outline of your palm.  The imprint won’t stay long but I will feel the smack for a long while.

We pull to a stop before I realize we have arrived.  I grab my wallet and my mask.  I still find it ironic that my face is covered but the rest of me is bare beneath my dress.  I am slow to close the passenger door after I get out and you raise an eyebrow at me.  

I take a deep breath, turn around, and head inside.  I have never felt like my dress was too short or revealing as I have at this moment.  It feels like all the eyes are on me.  My hands nervously tuck at the hem of my dress, tugging it down.  I kneel down slowly to get our drinks.  They are always on the bottom of the cooler, but you knew that.  I curse you under my breath as the vibrations start up again.  I grab the drinks and my legs wobble slightly as I try to stand.  

You are impossible, Sir.

I slowly make my way up to the counter.  I wave away a kind strangers concern at how I am walking.  I must look a right sight.  I breathe deeply as I wait for my turn to pay.  It is instances like this that I am thankful my face is covered. 

I swipe my card and offer my thanks as I grab my bag.  I walk as quickly as I can to the car without raising suspicion.  I reach for the handle, only to find the door locked.  I look through the window and you are staring at me with your fingers on the lock.  The toy surges to its highest setting and my forehead drops against the window.  I am going to collapse at this rate.  My legs are shaking, and my breathing is getting erratic.

I know you can see me whispering against the window.  It is a continuous litany of “please” and “Sir.”  I am not even sure if I am asking to finally be allowed an orgasm or if I just want inside the car.  After a couple of minutes, I hear the lock click open.  I open the door and climb inside.  

“What took you so long sweetie?”  

I just glare at you as you chuckle.  You are far too amused by this.

I pop the top on your drink as you pull away from the gas station.  You have silenced the toy for now but without the distraction, I am starting to feel the intense pain of the clamps.  They have been on nearly twenty minutes now.  I can feel the pain radiating into my back.  

“Sir, may I remove the clamps?”

“When we reach city limits.”

I close my eyes.  That is nearly five miles.  Red light after red light, five miles is a very long time.

Two miles down and I am unsure if I can do this any longer.  “Please, Sir.”

“No.  You are almost there sweetie.  You can do this.”  Deep breath.

I am watching the street signs intently.  Another mile down.  My hands have curled into a fist.  You have kept the toy silent for a reason.  You want me to experience the pain without distraction.  You want me to endure it.  You want me to know that I can.

One mile to go.  My body is stoic.  Every movement antagonizes the clamps.  The cloth of my dress is nearly unbearable.

As soon as we crossed the city limits, I was ready to remove them.  “Please Sir.  May I remove them now?”  Its always better to double check with you.  I never know if you will have changed your mind and start something even more wicked.

“Yes, you may.  You did good.”

I removed them and immediately press my palms against my nipples as the blood rushed back into them.  It is so intense.  All I want to do is be allowed to orgasm.  I know that is a long time away.  But a girl can dream.


It has been a long trip Sir.  My body is exhausted.  You have been edging me for eight hours, if we include the stops we made.  My skin is so sensitive.  My dress feels heavy and the slight breeze makes my knees quiver.  You have had the toy tease me, pushed me with my clamps, and had me tease myself openly on the drive.  I can tell you that seats are high enough that I am positive I was on full display.  Is that why we took the roads that are crowded with semi-trucks?

You get us checked in to the hotel.  We are not meeting anyone else until tomorrow.  So, this should be a good chance to relax.

I should have known better.


Once everything is put away, you take a seat in the wingback chair near the window.  The curtains are drawn, and you ask me to come stand in front of you.  You sit forward slightly, and your hands wrap around my thighs, resting on my ass.  I stand silently, waiting for your instruction.

You pull one hand back and bring it up to cover my cunt.  My eyes rest on the top of your head and my hands come up to your shoulder as you smack my lips hard. Two, three, four times.  Your fingers slip between my lips as my fingers tighten on your shoulders.  My legs are shaking as I hold myself still. You slide over my clit.  Its so sensitive from all the teasing.  I can feel the pulsing in my back.  You slide forward and I feel you hook the toy and pull it.  I feel so swollen and the tugging hurts.  You bring your other hand off my ass and snap twice.  

With relief, I let my legs give out and drop to my knees.  My eyes go to the floor and my hands rest on my thighs.

Your fingers come up to my lips and I suck them clean without hesitation.  Once you are satisfied, you bring the toy to my lips and I repeat the process.  You pull it from my mouth and drop it into my hands.  My head drops forward onto your knees as I steady myself.   

You run your fingers through my hair and speak softly.  “When you are settled, I want you to crawl to the bathroom and leave the toy by the sink to be cleaned later.  Then I want you to crawl to the door and bring back the bag I left there.  Do you understand, piggie?”

I nod my head.  Your fingers tighten in my hair and pull my head back to look you in the eye.  “Care to try that again?”

“Yes, Sir.  I understand, Sir.”

You let my hair go and I relax back into position.  I appreciate that you are letting me settle into my role.  It has been so long since I have been in continuous service like this.  My head is in its confused state.  It is where I can still feel the pain and sensitivity, but my mind has yet to clear of everyday stress.  I need this.  I need to just be here, with you, and forget everything else.

Thank you for knowing me as you do.

I think I am ready now.


I lift my head from your knee and slip the toy between my teeth.  I turn and start crawling to the bathroom.  In no time at all, I bring the small black bag to you.  It is heavy between my teeth, but I am determined not to drop it.

You pull the bag from my grip and stand.  You step around me.  I can hear you laying items on the table, but I have no idea what it could be.  I desperately want to peak but I know better.

I startle slightly when your hand rests on my head.  I am losing myself in service.  My mind is calm, even though my body is still sensitive from play.  I breathe deeply and relax my shoulders.  

I can do anything you ask of me, Sir.  


“Come here piggie.”

I turn and crawl the few feet to you.

“Kneel up.”  Your hands are on my chainmaille collar and I feel the clasp give way.  You slide the metal across my collar bone and down my tummy until you drop it into my hands.  I feel the strip of leather of my formal collar tighten around my neck.  As always, my head tips up to look you in the eye.  You have it tight enough to get my attention and make me gasp.  You loosen it to your liking and buckle it closed.  You tug harshly on the frontmost O-Ring and stare me down.  The longer our eyes meet, the harder it is to keep eye contact.  

It only take a few minutes before you let go of my collar and my body drops heavy back onto my knees.

“Tonight, we are going to have company.”

My eyes widen.  We haven’t done this before Sir.  I mentioned it, just once, when you asked me what one of my deepest desires was.  I told you I wanted to serve you in public.  I wanted to conquer my fears and overcome my shyness, my hesitancy.

But now, I am extremely nervous.

“Look at me.”  I glance up.  “I am going to show off my little piggie.  I expect you to be on your best behavior.”

I look into your eyes and the moments tick by in silence.  You are waiting for an answer.  I am curious if you believe you will hear my agreement or my safeword.  

I have told you I can take anything you have to offer.  I am not ready to back down yet.

“Yes, Sir”


I find myself dressed in my gear.  My ears keep my hair back.  It helps, considering how much you love to see it down.  The silicone nose is situated over my natural nose.  I still hate it with a passion.  The idea of anyone but you seeing this makes me extremely uncomfortable.  My tail is situated snuggly in my ass.  I entirely hate how much I have come to love my tail.  I enjoy any opportunity when I am allowed to wear it.

I am kneeling at your feet, the tail uncomfortably bending and adjusting inside me.

I am facing the door, my head resting on your knee.  My body is tense.  My head is filled with chaos.  I am unsure of how much I want this.  Dreaming it, and doing it, are far different.

Your voice is soft behind me.

“We are going to lay a few ground rules.  Tonight, you are just holes to fill and abuse. You will enthusiastically serve them as you do me.  Your ass is off limits.  Is that understood?”

“Yes, Sir.”  My voice is soft but strong.  I make sure you clearly hear my answer.

“Do you have any questions?”

“No, Sir.”

Your fingers tighten in my hair and you pull my head back just enough to look at you.  “I know you will make me proud, little piggie.”  Your fingers release me hair and hook into my collar.  “This means you are mine.  I will always take care of you.”

“Thank you, Master.  I needed to hear that.”

You smile.  It is always a highlight of my day to see your smile.  It is so rare and you are always so reserved.

“Now, my little piggie slut, up on the bed with you.”  I crawl over to the bed and climb onto it, staying on all fours.  “They are going to be here soon.  I want you to relax for me.”  You remove my ears momentarily and put the hood over my face.  It is the one thing that makes me lose myself.  I hear nothing but the blood rushing through my ears.  I see nothing but the darkness of my eyelids.  I taste nothing as long as you keep the zipper closed.  You replace my ears and place a kiss to the top of my head.  “Lay down and rest.  I will wake you when it is time.”

With his blessing, I close my eyes and regulate my breathing.  A nap will do me good after everything today.


I woke to my body being bodily flipped onto my tummy.  There were hands on both my legs and they pushed them forward until I was forced onto my knees.  My face stayed against the mattress and my hands were caught underneath me. 

There are hands everywhere.  My breathing is erratic, and I am trying to figure out what is happening.  The zipper on my hood is undone and there is a thumb put into my mouth, pushing my tongue and jaw downward.

As soon as I felt it, I knew it was Master.  That is how he tests my self-control.  He will hold it for as long as possible to make sure I do not lick or suck without permission.  Being allowed to suck on his thumb is a rare reward.  I am oddly comforted under the pain. 

I feel fingers on my backside.  Someone is playing with the tail.  Every time they tug at it, or bounce it, it shifts inside me.  Then, without warning, there are two fingers inside of me.  I am unable to lube naturally.  I am guessing someone realized that as suddenly I felt someone spit on me.  I could feel it dripping down and it was warm as they pushed it inside of me.  

There was little prep.  Less than a minute later, there is a hard cock pressing into my semi-dry passage. I feel uncomfortably stretched.  I gasp sharply and as the man behind me starts to thrust harshly, there is a cock put to my lips.  There is a hand on the back of my head, adding pressure as they pushed as far back into my throat as they could.  My stomach and throat convulsed as my gag reflux was affected.  I inhaled through my nose as best I could, but the jarring movement, from the fucking, was making it hard to concentrate.

I tried to remember what Master had said.  That I would serve them enthusiastically.  I pulled back when he let my head go and brought myself up to my hands and knees.  Not knowing where anyone was, I opened my mouth and stuck out my tongue.

It is not long before there is a cock in my mouth again.  I am unsure if it the same person or not.  I do not know how many people Master invited over.  I bob my head, licking and sucking.  I want to make Master proud.  I am never happier than when I get to use my mouth.

I felt the guy behind me grip tight to my hips as he finished.  It eased the burn of the next one who took his place.  I’ve never been fucked so roughly.  I am slightly panicked because I do not know where Master is.  I trust he would not have left me alone, but I miss his touch right now.  

I feel so full.  It is brutal.  I know that I will most definitely feel this tomorrow.

I lose count quickly of how they rotate.  My jaw is sore, and my head keeps getting pulled in different directions to be fucked.

At some point, someone pulls my ears from my head and the hood is yanked roughly from me.  I close my eyes against the light.  I can hear the murmuring of one of the men.  “She really is a pig, isn’t she?  Look at the nose.”

I can hear Master chuckle.  “She is my little piggie slut.  She is such a dirty piggie.”

I can hear myself mewl at his words.  It both embarrasses me and makes me whine in agreement.  I am dirty and I would do anything for Master.  

I was flipped onto my back, my head hanging off the bed.  One thrust down my throat and another into my swollen cunt.  My hands were grabbed and placed on another.  I wrapped my fingers around him and started stroking.  At least I now have a number.  Master invited three people to have free reign of my body.  

“Do not come down her throat.  Piggies are meant to be dirty.”  Master ordered.

And as he ordered, one covered my stomach and the other my breasts with their cum.  The third filled my passage with even more cum.  I could feel it dripping out of me.  I felt tired and use. And dirty.

“Bring her here.”  I felt myself picked up from the bed and tossed bodily to the floor.  My arms were shaking, and I struggled to bring myself to my hands and knees.  “Hold her.”  I felt a boot push press against my back and push me back into the carpet.  My arms went flat above my head.  Another put pressed against my cheek and the last set held my hands in place.

I felt tugging at my tail.  I started to try and struggle.  My knees were pressed into the carpet, under my stomach, by the boot on my back.  I had nowhere to go.  I pulled and pulled but I couldn’t move.

“Please.  Please no.”  I didn’t know who was behind me.  Only Master could touch me there. The tears welled in my eyes.  I wouldn’t be able to get away.  I would fail Master.  “Please, no.”

“Quiet.  I will do as I wish to my little piggie.”  I sobbed at his voice.  The tailed popped from my ass and I felt my walls pulse.  It was weird being empty again. 

You must have read my mind.  Without any extra lube or preparation, you pushed into me until you were fully seated.  It hurt.  Your pace was just as brutal as the others.  “Please, Sir, it hurts.”  I cry.  All I want to do is move away from the pain.  My body is held in place.  My neck is starting to hurt from the position but I am more focused on the pain radiating through my back.  “Please, Sir.  It hurts….it hurts so bad.”

“Hush and push back against me.”  I hear you laugh softly.  “Is piggie stuck?  Isn’t this what you wanted?  To be on a spicket and tenderized?”

I sob again.  I am losing myself in the humiliation.  I feel so exposed.  I hurt and I am filled and covered in cum.  My ass burns.  I am unsure of how much time is passed before I feel your fingers tighten on my hips and you slam deep inside me.  I feel your cum fill my ass.  After you finish, I hear you tell them to release me.  I feel like my body is made of lead.  Out of the corner of my eye, I see you standing over me.  

I shakily push myself up, slower than I would have liked, until I am on my knees.  I open my mouth and gently take your cock into my mouth.  I clean your cock with my tongue and then release you.  

I lean down to the floor and kiss each boot three times.  Then I murmur a soft thank you before kneeling back up.  Our scene is done now.  The adrenaline starts to slow.

My body is shaking.  I am cold now.

You remove the nose from my face and your hand rests on the top of my head.

“You did good, piggie.”


I don’t remember you sending the others home.  I remember falling back to the floor and curling up.  It did not matter that I was covered in cum.  I was exhausted.  I never expected this.  My body shakes from the adrenaline.  

I remember my head being pulled into your lap.  You are talking to me but it is hard to understand.  When I finally come out of the white noise, you offer to run me a bath.  I don’t want to be alone, even if the warm water sounds relaxing.  I shake my head.  Aftercare is the only time you allow me to answer non-verbally.

You move to get up and my hands tighten on your jeans.  “Sir?”

“I am getting a cloth to clean you up.  Then we will curl up and you can get your skin-to-skin contact.”

“Ok.”  I sighed.  

As you come back and start to wipe me down, I am comforted.

You always know what I need, Sir.

Even as I feel worn down, swollen, and somewhat broken, I know you will always be there to pick me up and put me back together.  

You pick me up and place me on the bed.  You make sure I am covered, so the shivering will stop soon.  As you crawl in with me, you beckon me over.  I curl my head onto your tummy and hand rubs my back reassuringly.

I feel my head go fuzzy and as I start to drift, I slur out the question I seem to ask every time. “piggie do good?”

I am positive I hear you laugh ever so slightly as you tell me “Yes, you are my good girl.”

My eyes drift close and I smile as I fall asleep.  

You will always keep me safe.  

I can rest now.


My name is Joji.  I am 29 years old currently and I have been in and around the kink community about 15 years.I am a collared submissive to Magick42.  I am also a Daddy to a wonderful babygirl, and have been for more than three years now and I find it very fulfilling.  I am being mentored in and being taught electroplay.  I am a masochist at heart and thoroughly love impact play, especially caning.  I enjoy reading anything I can get my hands on and am a die hard Harry Potter and Doctor Who fan.  I am also the secretary for a group in Idaho called Moscow S.P.A.R.K.E (Simply Providing Another Route to Kink Education).  It is our mission to teach safe practices to those new to the community and give them a safe haven to ask questions and learn without judgement.  We accept all kinks and all we ask in return is respect between all our members.

Tagged With: bdsm, bdsm play, bdsm relationship, bdsm scene, daddy dom, fetish, kink, little space, littles, master, power exchange, sex, sexual fantasy, slave, slut training, submissive

Dissociative Identity Disorder And Kink

December 19, 2020 By Joji Sada 3 Comments

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Multiple Personality Disorder, which has been renamed Dissociative Identity Disorder, involves the presence of three or more alternate personalities (alters) within a single mind/body.  DID is an extremely misunderstood diagnosis.  While it has defining characteristics, it takes a psychiatrist who specializes in the disorder to diagnose the condition.  To put this into perspective, there is one doctor qualified to diagnose DID within 200 miles of my home.

Why am I telling you this?

Because, in my world, I love an individual with DID.  I talk often of the mental health issues my partners have.  To us, they are simply a part of life.  I am a strong proponent that Mental Health should always negotiated, and renegotiated, while in the lifestyle.  It does not matter if you are just getting into the scene or have been in it for decades. 

But what happens when these diagnoses happen in an existing relationship?  

You must make a decision.  That is the easy part.  You are either going to support your partner and figure out whatever is happening, or you are going to leave.

I chose to stay.

We have learned over the years that the “early episodes” that we had attributed to her Bipolar Disorder, was Callie Anne testing the waters.  In her own words, she was trying to come out of “the dark” and see if it was “safe.”  When I asked her why she had never come out before, she said it was “cuz she had to watch and wait to see if I was safe.”

Then, in the middle of the night, seven-ish years after we started dating (and two years into our marriage), this little voice talked to me.  Quiet, skittish, and unaware of her surroundings.  She looked up at me with these wide eyes and asked who I was.  She wanted to know why I was in her room.  She refused to tell me her name.  She said I was a stranger and she was taught to never talk to strangers.  So, in the softest voice, I introduced myself. 

That’s right; I introduced myself to my own wife.

The following morning, I asked her if she remembered waking up.  She did not.  She told me she had not dreamt and had not woken once the night before. 

So, I let it go.  I figured it was one of those things that just happen.

Then it happened again a couple months later.

And again, two weeks after that.

Then, she finally introduced herself.  She told me her name was Callie Anne R.—vroom, vroom like the car.  And I laughed.

Slowly, but surely, she would come out more and more.  She would visit only when I was alone.  Because, even at four, Callie Anne recognizes that DID has a very bad stigma attached to it.  She had no desire to be “hurt again.”


Through research, and our own experience, DID often happens due to childhood trauma.  It is not an absolute cause but is a common among diagnosed cases.  Many alters fracture to protect the ‘dominate’ personality, from remembering/experiencing something.

We kept this secret for three and a half years before we sought out a proper diagnosis.  I am deeply protective of both B and Callie.  So is the rest of our polyquad.  In fact, Callie Anne had a whole escape plan drawn out (in crayon of course) for her first therapy session.  Drampa (what she calls our husband) would fight the doctor, Diddy (me) would sneak her out the back, Drama (our second wife) would be the getaway driver, and Tigger (our service dog) would snuggle her on the ride out. 

She was so nervous to meet the therapist.

Because she didn’t want to be put back in the dark again.

And the most common “technique” associated with DID therapy is called Integration.  This, basically, is when the dominant personality absorbs all the other personalities and they cease to exist as their own entity.  

I respect people’s decision to choose this option.  I disagree with the belief that it is a cure.

Callie Anne is as much a part of our life as B is.  She writes to Santa at Yule.  She waits for the Easter Bunny every year (since bunnies are the bestest).  She cries when she gets a booboo.  And she has the sweetest laugh when Drampa picks on her and tickles her.  Her love and innocence are that of any four-year-old.  Although she was born of trauma, she is full of happiness.

Therefore, integration of any kind would be murder in my eyes.  I would be consenting to snuffing out the life of my babygirl.

Which, if you have not guessed, is unacceptable.

**On a side note, Callie Anne is sitting here with me and I wanted to record her reaction to the last two statements above.  She said “That’s Good.  I don’t wanna die either.  If you try Diddy, Imma hide behind Drampa and He will beat your butt.”  She then proceeded to dance a little and sing “Drampa’s gonna beat you up, uh huh, uh huh.”**  –All I can do is shake my head with a fond smile.


As I have discussed before, Callie considers herself a little.  This allows her to find others who are accepting of her, and don’t often question anything too personal.  As such, I am a Diddy (Daddy), though our relationship is far from BDSM/dynamic related.  She has found acceptance with the other littles in our community.  

Even Callie wonders sometimes if she is classified as a little.  To the best of my knowledge, the answer is yes.  She is a regressive little.

I have tried, many times, to find others with a similar diagnosis.  If DID exists in the BDSM world, it has been beyond my reach to find.  The single article that addressed DID and kink was a very long rant about judgmental individuals within the community who do not want to play with people with mental disorders.  I will never discredit their experience.  We have been lucky to find an accepting community who simply say hello to Callie and her stuffed bunny (Foo-Foo) and invite her to join them in coloring.  

Then, our core had a discussion.  There are more personalities than just B and Callie.  In fact, there are eleven currently known alters.  

So, my core sat down and wrote out some questions for the alters.  With Master as Head of Household, myself as Diddy, and our second wife as Dramma (grandma), it is our job to take care of them.  But, we have only negotiated formally with B.  How do you take care of eleven people and only talk to one?  

You don’t.

So, what follows, is a record of the negotiation questions we needed answers to, in order to continue in our relationship with the consent of all parties involved.


Here is the Code to who is who:

B- She is the host personality.

Callie Anne- She is a happy-go-lucky four-year-old.

Blue- She is eight and generally sad.  She is the only one besides Callie and B to successfully control the physical body, even for a short few minutes.

Black- She is nine and generally feels everyone’s guilt.

Callie Rose- She is nine and she hides in the safe space (a playground within the mind that the children built) and has yet to speak to anyone.

Cally- She is fifteen and she refuses to interact with the adult alters (or adults in the real world)

Bahloo- He is an adult alter who acts as a caregiver and therapist to all the personalities.  We often refer to him as A.

Anger- He is the protector of the children.

D- She is the logical voice and cannot feel, or be influenced, by emotion.

Shadow- This is the protector of the child still in the dark.  S/he has no identifiable gender.

Girl in the Dark- We know she exists but have yet to be able to break her out of her trauma cycle and interact with her.


Do I have to negotiate with all of your alters or just one? 

B: I would say you would have to do the detailed negotiation with the one you scene with. And try and touch base with the others.

Callie Anne: your negotiation is with the one alter. But then it is the job for the one to check in with the others. To make sure that they all have a place to go when the scene happens. Whether it’s our hand built safe space in our brain, or that they just don’t care what happens. 

If I violate the consent of one, do I violate the consent of all?

D: as the logical one, I would say no. You made the deal with one, not all.

B: for me this is a grey area. I know it’s not all about logic when you feel violated. 

Callie Anne: when everyone has their own rules for play, I think unless you violate one of their rules, you are fine

Should people with DID play since they have blurred boundaries?

Callie Anne: each of us have our own reality. I feel as long as you have conversations with each alter that can control the body, it is ok. If there are alters that do not live anywhere but the brain, the dominant personality should talk with them and see what they believe, or will know, or will feel. 

Do all alters have the same safeword?

Every alter has its own safe word. B has one and Callie Anne has a different version of it.

Example: B’s safeword is Alligator.  Callie Anne’s is giggleator.

How do you compartmentalize kink if you have underage alters?

B: This question is difficult. Each person has their own ways of doing this. For us personally, we have spent the time and energy building a safe space in our mind. Our safe space looks like a glass snow globe. Inside is a waterfall, a lake, an open sided building that holds toys, books, crayons; anything that interests the kids. There is also a gray/black foggy space for when they are not ready to interact with people. No one or nothing can get into the safe space unless we build it. So, it is a place that is free from bad memories, bad feelings, and “monsters”.  When getting ready for a scene, all the littles, and adults alike, that do not want to witness what is going on sit in there.  

How do you explain kink vs abuse to alters?

Callie Anne: It was hard at first. Then Diddy and Drampa explained that the biggest difference between them was if you like it, it is kink. If you do not, and it bothers you or scares you, then it is abuse. We have found a new piece who was stuck in a bad memory loop. Her name is Callie Rose. There has been no explanation for her yet. She is still sitting in the black space in the safe place because she is still trying to deal with the fear and pain from her loop. 

Does each alter have their own limits? 

Yes, each personality has their own limits. B loves spankings, hard floggings, light electrical, and some voyeurism. Callie Anne loves rope, light floggings, giggles at Drampa when trying electrical, and if out during other scenes, pops in her paci and headphones and avoids paying attention

Are some of the alters unaware of kink?

Yes they are. All the adult alters know, and so far the only child who knows is Callie Anne. (Even then, she is not privy to the more edgy side of kink).

Do the alters that know about kink all have different roles?  

Depends on what you mean. They only have different roles in kink depending on what they enjoy. They do each have different roles in my “normal” life. 

Does a switch mid-scene require the scene to end immediately?

 If it’s from an adult to a child, absolutely. If it’s from a child to an adult, I would yellow the scene and check with the adult to see if we can figure out why the child left. Making sure they weren’t scared, hurt, or upset for some reason. 

**You must pay close attention to body language in case of a switch.  If one alter is afraid, it can be a deer in headlights situation**

How do you deal in sub/Dom space?  

B deals with it by cuddling up with one of the spouses. Callie Anne deals with it by becoming a “sad burrito”. She rolls up in a blanket, cuddles with her bunny, uses her paci and watches Disney until she falls asleep. 

Does aftercare and drop look the same for all of them?  Does each alter feel the drop?  Is it only the one in charge?

After care and drop are different for each of the ones that participate.  The alters do feel sleepy when the drop hits and don’t quite understand why. But it is part of the way my brain helps to protect the rest. 

How do you accommodate one alter without hurting another?

It is a long process. There are a lot of discussions involved over many weeks until everyone can come to an agreement. 

Can you safely participate in pickup play as a person with DID?  

In my opinion, the answer is no.  I can do it with my core group, and maybe one or two of our closest friends.  But otherwise I feel it would be unsafe on both parts. 

If the controlling alter does not disclose the DID with their partner, is it a consent violation for the other partner?

ABSOLUTELY!!  It would be the same as not disclosing metal in your body when doing electrical. It should never be done. 


I have found that my journey into kink, and those who participate with me, has been vastly different than the average person.  It is my goal to let you see into my world, so that in the future, if you meet someone like B, you can understand that they can offer you far more than you expect.

DID is surrounded by a stigma that those who have it are incapable of functioning.  That they cannot make lucid decisions and cannot actively consent to their own participation in the world around them.

I understand the trepidation, especially if they are in a D/s dynamic.  As a Dominant, you become responsible for yourself and your submissive.  If they have multiple alters, you become responsible for the well-being of each one.  As a submissive, it can become convoluted if only one has submitted (or if they phase out mid-scene).

Like any mental health issues, it has its own ups and downs that go with it.  There is no shame in choosing not to accept the responsibility of someone with DID.  It will bring nothing but misery if you begrudge someone for being who they are.  

But I wanted to give you a glimpse into our reality.  To let you share in the joy and the frustration that comes with DID and then trying to incorporate Kink into that.  I have learned more patience and understanding since I met Callie Anne, then I ever did in most of my adult life.  

I want the community to be able to have open discussions about kink and mental health.  I want the community to accept that just because our brains are different, we are no less valuable than those without our mental struggles.  I want people to know that we are more than capable to give and withdraw consent at any time. 

Being Kinky with DID is no less fulfilling.  It just means there are always spectators and opinions.


My name is Joji.  I am 29 years old currently and I have been in and around the kink community about 15 years.I am a collared submissive to Magick42.  I am also a Daddy to a wonderful babygirl, and have been for more than three years now and I find it very fulfilling.  I am being mentored in and being taught electroplay.  I am a masochist at heart and thoroughly love impact play, especially caning.  I enjoy reading anything I can get my hands on and am a die hard Harry Potter and Doctor Who fan.  I am also the secretary for a group in Idaho called Moscow S.P.A.R.K.E (Simply Providing Another Route to Kink Education).  It is our mission to teach safe practices to those new to the community and give them a safe haven to ask questions and learn without judgement.  We accept all kinks and all we ask in return is respect between all our members.

Tagged With: bdsm, bdsm play, bdsm scene, communication, consent, dissociative identity disorder, fetish, kink, little space, mental health, power exchange, safe word

Being a Little and Its Healing Properties

October 9, 2017 By slave_bunny 2 Comments

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Most people have things from the past that they are not over, and many of those things stem from childhood. Many of our parents didn’t give us what we needed most, and our basic needs were not met. Because of this, we go into adulthood with this hole in us that feels like it can never be filled or eradicated. Although it is very evident that we cannot change the past, it is still possible to get what we missed out on in childhood in our adult lives.

My childhood was filled with a lot of extra- curricular activities and a regimented afterschool schedule, along with a very judgmental mother who needed everything, including me, to be her way. She did not give me the freedom to be myself that I so yearned for, did not give me the unconditional love that I needed, and did not provide a reliable and consistent structure for me. So, in my adult life I dealt with this void in various ways. Some healthy, such as: being task-oriented, list making, and loving my Master unconditionally and non-judgmentally. Others, in not so healthy ways, such as: emotional lash outs.

It is easy to think that what happened in your past, stays in the past. But unless it is dealt with in an effective and healthy way, it will keep coming back to haunt you.

I have found that when I go into “Little Bunny mode” I am able to get all the things I missed out on in my childhood: acceptance, laughter, silliness, and unconditional love. I feel free to be myself, and don’t have to be thinking a million steps ahead. I can just live happily and peacefully in the current moment, and be completely present and mindful with my Master.

Going into my little space also allows me to positively replace some of the negative emotions left from my childhood, and put things into a more realistic perspective. Because of my little mode, I was able to realize that I’m not a bad person; I just wasn’t living up to my mother’s standards. I know this because of the acceptance and love my Master gives me when I am in little mode. And that brings me a lot of healing. I don’t take my childhood so personally, because I am shown that other people accept my child self, which is exactly the person my mother rejected. In short, being a little can replace negative feelings from the past with new positive ones, and replace our old, pessimistic ideologies about ourselves as well.

My little side does not have a set time when it shows up or is supposed to show up. It usually makes an appearance in times of extreme stress, sadness, or happiness. But no matter when it comes out, it is always way more pleasant feeling these things through my little self, than feeling the strain of stress and sadness in my adult head space.

It also allows my Master to better deal with the intense emotions, because it is often easier to have compassion for someone who is small and youthful than a full- grown adult. I also find it is easier to move on from a negative emotion quicker and easier because that’s how children are wired. Children don’t always have the ability to see the big picture. So, when the moment is over, so are their emotions.

My little self is also much more forgiving towards myself and others, and less pessimistic because she has not been jaded by the adult world and all its disappointments. Because of this, I find my little comes out when I need to remain positive and keep my esteem intact. My Master has even given me assignments to write to my adult self from my little self. I will often read these letters in times of stress.

Roleplaying a big/little scene can also be very therapeutic. Roleplaying as a little can give you a healthy outlet to acquire what you missed out on as a child, and/ or a way to reenact things from your childhood that need working through. It allows you the space to feel more heard and be more taken care of than you may have been in childhood.

I strongly encourage those who go into little space do so only with those they whole-heartedly trust (due to the fact that going into little space can often leave one feeling quite vulnerable).  While being a little is not the sole thing one needs to work through their past, it can be a great and healing tool to use in tandem with other coping mechanisms and healing techniques.

I discovered my little with my Master by accident, and as time goes on she comes out more and more. I find being a little is a great emotional coping tool, and breeds a lot of acceptance and nonjudgement within myself. For me, when I am in little space, the lack of harsh criticism combined with unconditional acceptance definitely brings about a boost in my overall self- esteem.

I strongly encourage anyone who identifies as a little to look at who your little is, and try to link your little to your childhood. See what connections you can make. It’s important for everyone to fully process what they are not over yet, so they can move on and stop carrying the emotional weight around from the past. I have found that being a little is an amazing way to do that.

About the Author:

Slave Bunny, a 1950’s power slave, is involved in a wonderful and loving TPE 24/7 M/S relationship with her Master and husband. She is also the Creative Director of Kink Weekly.

She has dedicated her life to working on herself mentally, spiritually, and physically, and hopes to inspire others to do the same. Through teaching and mentoring, she hopes to help everyone in the Kink community as much as she can.

Feel free to add her on Fetlife (Slave_Bunny992) to see her upcoming workshops and classes.

 

Tagged With: big, daddy dom, little, little space, master, role play

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