scene

Make me Cry: Cathartic Scenes

April 26, 2016 By Jenn Masri 5 Comments

One thing some male D-types have trouble with is shedding the mainstream societal expectation that a man should never strike a woman. In this community, so long as it’s consensual, it’s something sought after by many. I don’t mean to say that this issue isn’t possible for female D-types or male s-types, just that the male-hitting-female scenario has the more prevalent stigma. Add to that some streaming tears? Oh boy. Makes it that much more difficult if you are one of the D-types I’m referring to. Now you’ve hit (in this case) a girl AND made her cry?! You should feel bad, right?

Not necessarily. However, it can be very difficult for D-types and s-types to understand why some s-types want to end up in a puddle of tears. For many s-types who are looking for, or asking for, a “cathartic” scene that allows them to break down and cry it is a major stress reducer.

For many it is very difficult to allow ourselves permission to cry. We grow up with the idea that we must be “strong” and in order to be strong that means we shouldn’t break down. We shouldn’t let ourselves cry, especially in front of others.
So many of us “strong” s-types have demanding jobs, family obligations, children, etc. We can’t afford to stop and “let it all out”. So going through a scene, being physically hit and pushed to limits (with consent of course) is our way of finding permission to let it all go. Thoughts like, “crying due to stress or an emotional issue isn’t ok – but it’s totally understandable if you’re getting beat.” Now, of course that’s not true. It is absolutely ok to cry in response to other things in life. However, like I said, at times it may not feel appropriate or “worthy” of tears.

Are there other reasons why someone would want to have a cathartic scene? Yes of course, however, I believe this reason is a pretty common one for many.

So what do you do if it’s tough for you (if you’re a D-type) or your partner (if you’re an s-type) to bring you to tears? Obviously you have to communicate about it to one another. Start slow. It may not end in tears at first, but perhaps a slow build up is what will work best. For some D-types they really don’t want to be responsible for their s-types tears and will, therefore, allow the s-type to do a cathartic scene with another D-type whom they trust.
With whichever way you choose to handle it, usually after it has happened and the s-type can show the D-type (whether it was them or another trusted play partner) that it was a positive thing. That it did relieve their stress level, put an extra spring in their step, etc., that the D-type will start to feel more comfortable with it. Keeping in mind that the biggest difference between play and abuse is consent.

Jennifer Masri is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, specializing in Alternative Lifestyles for individual and relationship issues. She also teaches the BDSM 101 class series at Sanctuary LAX in Los Angeles every Monday evening. Read more about Jennifer on her blog, A Kink Shrink.

Pre-scene Preparation

April 11, 2016 By Baadmaster 4 Comments

In our post-Fifty Shades world, there is confusion (caused, I think, by the movie itself) as to where and how “negotiations” take place between potential partners. Although, for box-office reasons, the film emphasizes slave contract negotiations, in my experience this would occur only after some scening, so both partners know whether they are actually compatible. (No, you don’t walk into a hardware store and “pick a slave.”) And when you first begin to scene, pre-scene preparation is critical.

Pre-scene preparation. When it comes to BDSM, this is often the most overlooked aspect of all play. There are volumes written about sub-space, flogging and the best way to wield the bull whip. But, rarely is a word written about the importance of pre-scene preparation to the success of a BDSM scene. This article is addressed to the Top, since the Top is charged with the responsibility of orchestrating the scene.

There are many things a Dominant must be aware of when performing a scene. He/she must be conscious of the tendencies of the submissive, know the amount of pain that the sub can take and be aware when the submissive has entered sub-space. The Dom/me must constantly monitor the submissive for signs of distress; after all, one should not simply depend on the safe word to determine when enough is enough. He/she must understand the importance of aftercare. But, aside from being an expert during the scene, he/she should be an expert before the scene! Let’s get specific here.

The physical interaction of the instrument (hand, rope, flogger, cane, etc.) and the bottom’s body are but one aspect that determines the arc of the scene. The other, and even more important, determinant of the scene is the mental state of the submissive. Before playing, the primary aim of the Dominant should be to inspire confidence and relax the submissive, so that tension and apprehension are banished from the submissive’s mind. Thus, even before the scene starts, the submissive is already in the head space that is most receptive to the Dominant’s play. The psychological ability of the submissive to become a receptive bottom is often determined long before the submissive puts on the cuffs and is tied to the St. Andrews Cross.

The aim of most scenes (other than an abduction scene, for example) should be to start the sub off in a stress-free and trusting psychic condition. Ideally, the submissive should have the same faith in the Dominant’s abilities as he/she would have with a skilled surgeon. You might say a skilled Dom/me has a good “bedside manner” – or, more precisely, a good “dungeonside manner.” First among these is the ability to inspire confidence in the submissive.

You should start with a very open line of communication in the pre-scene negotiations. It is here where the psychological setup of the scene truly begins. There should not be even the slightest hint of an adversarial relationship here. Respecting limits without question is a wonderful way to start. (You can start pushing limits once you develop a rapport with a submissive after a number of scenes.) You should make the scene seem to be one of partnership; even if you are the Top, a team approach puts the submissive at ease. Most importantly, listen. A good Dom/me is a good listener. The Dominant should use the information the submissive provides to plan the scene in such a way that the submissive can’t wait to do it. A little salesmanship and enthusiasm will go a long way in putting the submissive into a very cooperative head space.

A pre-scene instruction talk won’t hurt either. For example, stress that you want him/her to breathe deeply and rhythmically during the scene. Tell him/her that you will stress this from time to time during play. This will accomplish two things. One, deep rhythmic breathing is very important in any scene where pain, even light pain, is involved. Two, it will stress that you are an expert in areas other than just using a flogger – that you grasp other aspects of a scene besides just the mechanical ones. This, too, inspires belief in you.

Finally, don’t skip mentioning the safe word. Even if you are playing at a dungeon where the house rules include “red” as a safe word, you should make sure the submissive knows you have his/her safety as your prime consideration. What better way to stress this by emphasizing that you will be always watching for her safe word or safe signal? Even if you plan on playing lightly where the odds of her safe-ing are infinitesimal, the “safe word pre-scene talk” will work wonders at calming your sub’s psyche.

If you use the “pre-scene negotiation” talk as an opportunity to both better understand your submissive and also put her/him into a super-receptive headspace, rather than just as a way to learn his/her limits, you will be going into your scene with a huge head start. And a great scene is…well…a great scene. There is nothing like it!

By BaadMaster
After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.

Dom Depot

March 29, 2016 By Baadmaster 4 Comments

In a previous Kink Weekly article, The 99 Cents BDSM Toy Catalog, we listed many of the lower priced (can you get any lower than 99 cents?) BDSM toys available there. As many of you already know, the Home Depot-type hardware store (popularly referred to as “The Dom/me Depot”) is also a great source of adult toys. Even that flawed purveyor of BDSM, “Fifty Shades,” began its kinky tale at a hardware store.

We will list many of the terrific toys that are available there, with an eye toward the unusual. Even if you are an experienced Dom/me Depot enthusiast, this “catalogue” might give you some fresh ideas for your next BDSM scene. If you are a beginner, this is a great place to begin!

The first item we recommend is rubberized tool dip. It comes in cans, like paint; dip in any item and it comes out covered in rubber. What a concept! Tool dip is not a BDSM toy, per se. We are not suggesting you dunk some part of your anatomy into it. But, it can help you make a variety of kinky toys or improve some you already have. For example, immerse the (clipping) end of a wooden clothespin, about a half- inch or less, into tool dip. This transformed product has a whole new dynamic. The clothespins stay on longer. They feel different than wooden or plastic ones and hurt more when they are removed. And, they look so cool!

Tool dip is great for making handles for canes. You can buy unfinished rattan canes; sand them smooth and dip one end into tool dip and you instantly have a cane with a great handle! Repeat when dry for an even thicker grip. Or, wrap the handle end with string, for texture, then dip it. Use your favorite color dip for special canes. This stuff is so awesome, there are some lifestylers who tool-dip just about every toy they have – from mousetraps to paddles.

Another popular Dom/me Depot area is the chain department. Need a neat collar for your slave? Ultra-light aluminum chains make a wonderful dungeon accessory – and you cut them to length right in the store. Need a lock to make it look ultra-fetishy? No problem. These stores are a veritable “Collars-R-Us.” Of course, heavier chains for your home dungeon are available here at very reasonable ‘by-the-foot’ prices.

The huge selection of rope at these stores has been written about ad nauseum, so I will limit it to this one sentence as a reminder.

Don’t overlook karabiners as a great restraining device. Easier to use than rope, they are secure, are easily released and come in colors for the fashionistas among us.

Many of you are already familiar with the wide Dom/me Depot assortment of posts, rings and hardware used to make home dungeon equipment. But, this store is a lot more than just hardware. The inventive sadist can find an array of clamps, locking pliers, mousetraps and vices that will elicit an endorphin rush in any submissive.
Duct tapes of infinite variety, sand papers of multiple textures and steel wool of every abrasive intensity line the aisles. The kitchen department features whip sticks, wooden spoons, spatulas and nylon cutting boards. Walk around and let your imagination go wild.

In closing, if you have already taken many BDSM strolls in the “Dom/me Depot,” this article’s purpose is to prod you to go one more time. Maybe you overlooked something, like the wonderful world of tool dip. On the other hand, if you are in a town where there isn’t an adult toy store and don’t want to wait for delivery when ordering online, now you don’t have to. Your personal BDSM emporium is easy to find – it’s right next to the McDonalds!

Non-Sexual BDSM Play

March 29, 2016 By Jenn Masri 10 Comments

To many the thought of “non-sexual play” seems equivalent to bread without butter…or mac without cheese. Yes, it’s possible but why would you do it? Where’s the pleasure in that, the enticement?

I mostly hear this from people who are new to the scene. I attribute this to the fact that most of what you see and read in the vanilla world about BDSM is connected to sex and sexual fetish. Mainstream reports or people that want to sell books want to make it titillating to sell more and get more viewers. So it makes sense that many newbies come in with an expectation that it’s always sexual and, if it’s not, why do it?

First I need to break down sexual vs. non-sexual the way I will use it for this article. I am going to be very literal. Many people would argue that every scene, all play, is sexual. If it turns you or the other person on, it’s sexual. Well, first of all, not all play is about sexual arousal. However, that is a discussion for another day. For my purpose I am using non-sexual play to mean that no sexual acts are performed during the scene. No “naughty bits” are touched, no kissing, etc. Does this mean there may not be any sensual energy? Of course not. The energy between play partners is not fully connected to the physical acts performed during the scene. If two people are attracted to one another and there is sensual energy (or even sexual energy – because energy is different than physical touch) then there doesn’t need to be sexual play to feel that. It may even increase arousal and desire if there is no sexual physical touch – because it acts as a huge tease in a way. You may be left wanting more and perhaps your play with that partner does in fact, become physically sexual in nature the next time you get together.

However, let’s take this to another level. Two people playing in a non-sexual way who don’t have attraction toward one another, no sexual or sensual energy between them. This scenario can really boggle minds! I will break this down to two different situations. One is where there is still arousal, however, it has nothing to do with the partner and is actually all about the play, or implement(s), that is being used. Someone may get really turned on when they are being hit by a heavy flogger and it wouldn’t matter if the person wielding it was a giant green slimy ogre. So long as the ogre was skilled at using the flogger. The other situation is when the play really doesn’t have anything to do with arousal at all but instead the purpose is perhaps cathartic release, punishment, or maybe for a demo or performance where the mind is focused on how the scene looks and the technical expectation rather than pure enjoyment.

Often I see it where the person who can’t comprehend how non-sexual play could be enjoyable needs to actually experience non-sexual play to finally wrap their minds around it. Often it’s how I described above where they play with a skilled Top who is good at using toys the s-type loves, yet there is no sexual acts as well as no sexual attraction. They enjoy the scene and maybe experience pleasure from the implements, subspace which is a natural high and/or a cathartic release and they finally get it. How non-sexual play can be absolutely amazing and satisfying in its own way!

Have you had a wonderful non-sexual scene? Please share in the comments section below!

Resource: BDSM negotiation checklist

March 21, 2016 By Desdemona 1 Comment

BDSM negotiation checklist preview — BDSM negotiation checklist

This is a companion resource to Jenn’s excellent article about BDSM negotiation, and the first in a planned series of free BDSM resources for our readers.

When I was negotiating play with new play partners in the past, I thought I would look for a template online which set out various types of BDSM play so that I could go through and cover all bases by checking things off the list. To my dismay, I couldn’t find anything! Well, nothing good anyway.

So, I went ahead and made one. I have used it as part of negotiation with a number of different play partners now. I find it very handy, and it ensures that neither person “forgets” something that should be discussed – either a hard limit, soft limit, or indeed if something is a fantasy.

It might be overkill to use this for negotiating a short, basic scene for pick-up play at a dungeon. But, if you are planning a longer scene or expect to play with a new someone more than once, then the great thing is you can get everything down on paper and then refer back to it later.

There a few different ways that you can use the checklist. You might print it off and then go through it together as part of a negotiation conversation (either in person or on the phone), making notes on the paper as you go. Or, you could email it to your play partner and have them fill it out and send back to you. I typically stress that they should answer based on what they are ok with doing with me in the immediate future. Which might of course be different to what they are with doing with someone else, or with me at some point further down the road.

Generally, it is most important for a submissive / bottom to be clear on their feelings about the items on the list. And that is for the simple reason that the Dom / top is the one in charge and leading the scene, aren’t likely to cross any of their own limits in the process. However, it could still be useful as an extra element of communication for a Dom / top to also complete this for their play partner. It will help provide a better sense of the types of play that each person likes and is looking for.

Of course, not every possible kind of play is included on the list. I left off some of the more advanced edge play activities, and some more specialized kinks – you might leave those to discuss and plan once you have played a few times. But it’s a pretty good general starting point for BDSM play, and you can tailor it to your own needs from there.

You can find the negotiation checklist here.

Remember, negotiate any play activities well in advance of a scene. Find out about any health issues, limits and triggers you should be aware of. And even your play partner said they are ok with something in a negotiation, they still have the right to change their mind and / or use their safeword at any time.

Do you use a checklist for your negotiation? What do you think about mine? Let me know your comments below.

Writer, photographer, hedonist, Dom. After years of at-home BDSM, Dexx finally embraced the kink community and met many fantastic fellow kinksters in the scene. Along the way, it occurred to him that it would be just super if there was a magazine-style web site which catered to people interested in BDSM, and he recruited some of his friends to help create it.

anniebear in charge

March 15, 2016 By Redd Dyver Leave a Comment

Photographer: ReddDyver Models: anniebear and Theresa

The tables have turned. anniebear has taken command of Theresa. You know, they always say the good girls gone bad are the naughtiest of them all.

Tens Electrical Play

March 7, 2016 By Baadmaster Leave a Comment

Here at Kink Weekly we aim to spotlight different forms of BDSM play. Not only will this prevent boredom – which can happen no matter how adventurous you are – but this will also expose you to different forms of play you might have overlooked. This week we will spotlight electrical play using the TENS unit.

One of the most popular of the electrical toys we use, TENS is an acronym that stands for Transcutaneous Electrical Nerve Stimulation. A “TENS unit” is a portable, battery-operated device that sends electrical impulses to selected parts of the body. It was originally developed for medical purposes and is used in chiropractic to this day. The electrical pulses it generates block the body’s pain signals and can be used for pain relief. However, the pervs in the BDSM world seized upon this relatively inexpensive device as a passport to BDSM pleasure.

(Lately Shaquille O’Neal has been touting a home Icy Hot version of the TENS unit. Since it has no adjustable pads, it has limited use for BDSM play. Besides, it looks super lame – imagine bringing it to a dungeon! – and costs almost as much as the real thing which is available online at medical wholesale houses like allegromedical.com.)

With this device, there is a relatively shallow learning curve. The basic TENS unit, which can cost anywhere from about thirty-five to ninety dollars, is easy to use. It usually comes with conducting adhesive pads (but not the battery!), which are attached to the skin in two proximate places to form an arc. Although it is hard to electrocute someone with the relatively mild currents produced in a typical TENS unit (this is not a stun gun by any means), there are a few aspects of its use you should master and you are good to go.

A TENS unit has a number of rotary controls which manage its functions. You should familiarize yourself with all of them. The most important one is the intensity knob. You should attach the two pads to your own arm to get an idea of the range of your particular unit. This is the best way to learn its use. Make sure you have a good idea of the way the unit responds to the dial before you use it on someone else. The other controls, which usually regulate the pulse width and frequency, are more of the “trial and error” type. As you use the unit on your submissive, you will vary these two aspects and see how he/she responds.

Now for the usual cautionary words. One must completely avoid the heart and chest areas. As inviting and it is to put one pad on one nipple and one on the other one, don’t. The electric current can have a dangerous effect on the heart. It goes without saying that you should not use it on your head. And, don’t forget the safe word. Now, onto its use.

Most players attach the pads to the left and the right of the genitalia. Used with care, it produces incredible sensations. Start at “1” on the current dial and gradually increase it until you get the desired results – which is usually a mixture of pain and pleasure in the submissive. It also has the effect of making the area super-sensitive. This is great when you get to the pleasure side of your play. It is best to start out slowly and treat the TENS unit with respect. Don’t just go crazy with the dial and try to immediately hit “11.” Combining it with light spanking/flogging (so you don’t detach the pads) can bring a mix of pleasure and pain that is quite intense. Just use your imagination and creativity!

Once you become proficient with the basic TENS unit, you can graduate to the more advanced (and significantly pricier) Violet Wand — which (tease) we will cover in a subsequent article!

By Baadmaster
After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.

Erotica: Cold

February 22, 2016 By Phi 2 Comments

She looked cute.

I don’t know how else to explain it. She looked cute. She was always pretty, sometimes drop-dead gorgeous, but tonight when I arrived at her apartment, she looked cute.

I couldn’t really contain my smile, though I tried to for the briefest of moments. At one point you realize that the struggle to contain a grin that doesn’t want to be contained is going to make you look even more ridiculous than just letting it happen.

I released a broad smile from captivity and the one she shot back almost made me question my intentions for her that evening.

Almost.

She really was disarmingly beautiful, sometimes. I pulled her toward me to hide my admiration against her lips. Her eyes fluttered closed and I felt her body relax against mine. She was always so responsive to my touch. I felt a momentary pang of guilt for what I was going to put her through later.

She broke the kiss first when the oven timer went off. “Oh, dinner….I have to get it out of the oven!” I let go and watched her scamper off to the kitchen while I took off my coat and hung it bit on a hook by the front door.

I chuckled, admiring the jiggle of her ass as she slid around the corner. She wore a white top that was slightly too long to be classified as “shirt” and slightly too short to be classified as “dress.” It was deeply low cut in the front and cinched just above her waist. I could make out the outline of her breasts and wide hips beneath it, but the part of her outfit that made it so remarkably cute were the fuzzy beige slippers she wore with it. Not heels, not sandals, not barefoot – but fuzzy slippers.

We ate dinner on the couch. She talked excitedly about her plans for the coming weekend and I tried to stay focused on what she was saying and not on the line of her neck where it met her shoulder.

I’d bite there first.

I set my plate down on the table and pushed it away, taking her plate mid-sentence and setting it down as well.

As expected, she responded instantly. Her eyes fluttered half closed, and her body language became open and receptive to me.

I tilted my head and took in the sight of her. Still a little too cute. I reached over and pulled her breasts out from the confines of her top. Her eyes grew wide and she looked up at me.

“Legs.”

She spread them, slowly. I could already taste her scent on the air. She was getting less cute and more wanton by the second.

Reaching between them, I was pleasantly unsurprised that she’d foregone the option to wear panties. She bit her lip and smiled as my fingers made contact with her wetness.

There we go. All that cute and innocent stuff was properly overshadowed now by the shameless slut that fit in with my plans.

I fingered her while she moaned in response. My inner sadist grew more and more excited as she came closer to climax. And, just like the good girl she always was, she finally asked for permission to come.

“No.”

Her eyes flew open. She was shocked. I very rarely denied her. Sometimes I’d say “not yet.”

But I don’t think I’d ever quite said “no” before.

She squirmed as my fingers kept probing. “Please?” she begged.

“No.”

She held her breath and I saw a flicker of panic flash through her eyes. I felt the slightest clench of her pussy around my fingers. She was getting very close. I smiled.

“Please?” The whine was so precious, her voice dripping with longing.

“No…” I mocked her small voice and focused my eyes in on hers, increasing the intensity of the hooking motion with my fingers.

She was struggling now. Her will to obey fighting against a an uncontrollable physical response to my persistent probing. She started to move away from me in an effort to keep from breaking her hold on the orgasm that threatened her compliance.

I’d been expecting that.

With my free hand, I reached around the back of her head and pulled back on her hair, then brought her forward, sinking my teeth into the flesh of her neck and shoulders. She cried out and I felt my own cock twitch.

“Don’t you dare come,” I growled as I kept going.

“Please, no…please! Stop then! I can’t…can’t…. no, no, no, no…oh, God….please….I …..”

I was impressed with how long she was holding out, but eventually she had to cave. I felt the pulsing of her orgasm around my fingers as her body convulsed and her screams echoed off the walls of the apartment. Her neighbors would have heard that.

When she finished and opened her eyes to look at me, the tears were already overflowing onto her cheeks.

“I’m sorry….”

“You will be.”

“Oh, God. Sir…I’m so sorry. Please, I couldn’t help it. You wouldn’t stop.”

I stood her up and flipped her around, pulling a pair of metal cuffs out from my pocket and restraining her wrists behind her back. She was sobbing and my cock twitched again.

“Let’s go,” I grunted, pulling her by the hair toward her bathroom. I roughly shoved her into her shower, took a step back and turned the cold water on. She shrieked as she pressed herself back against the wall to try to get away from the cold stream.

“On your knees.” Her hair was flattening against her face, black streaks of mascara and eyeliner tinting her cheekbones, and the white top becoming more and more translucent as it clung to her every curve.

She was so perfect.

I came all over her shivering face.

Erotic fiction writer. Phi (pronounced “fee”) came into kink at early age and renewed her connection with the lifestyle in 2014 after a decade-long hiatus. A somewhat popular and undeniably avid blogger on fetlife.com under the name phi-is-me, she lives in the suburb of a suburb in southern California with two cats and six pillows.

Spanking and Sub-space

February 22, 2016 By Baadmaster 4 Comments

Let’s take a break from serious topics like “Predator Pro-Dommes” and get back to the wonderful aspects of BDSM. “Sub-space” usually tops the list.

For those of you who are new to the lifestyle, sub-space is usually defined as “an exhilarated state that most believe is caused by a rush of endorphins emitted during a BDSM scene.” Often it appears that the submissive is put into a trance. When in this state, the submissive transcends all that is around him/her and cannot even feel the sting of the lash. Many describe it as “flying” and being in “space”; both are common terms for this phenomenon.

To give you an idea of what sub-space is like, here is an actual description of sub-space taken from a slave’s diary.

“I cannot describe the sensation except to say I felt like Lois Lane when she was being carried into space by Superman! I could still hear the noise of Master still hitting me very hard with the flogger, but it didn’t hurt at all — I couldn’t feel anything. If the room were to have caught on fire, my reaction would have been to say “let’s wait for it to rain!” I wasn’t going anywhere and I didn’t want to go anywhere. My mind was spinning but it was level. My body was drifting in one continuous orgasm. I was at one with everything. I was on a super drug but I took no drugs. I was having super sex but I had no sex. I was in a supersonic plane but I was chained to the ground.”

Subspace appears to be an almost addictive pleasure that many submissives revel in. We have heard submissives say they “live for subspace.” Others have said “sub-space is better than sex.” (Is that why there are so many Doms with loyal followings?) This might be excessive hyperbole, but there is no doubt that it is a very pleasurable state to be in.

So, how do we put a submissive into sub-space? How do we achieve the Holy Grail of BDSM? The most common way is by the use of some kind of pain stimulus. This often causes the body to produce an overabundance of endorphins as a reaction to the pain and is, according to most, the cause of this phenomenon.

Which brings us to the subject at hand, spanking? Yes, there are those who spank who give not a thought as to whether it causes sub-space or not. They enjoy spanking for spankings sake. Many just spank a partner’s butt during sex as a show of Dominance, not as a technique for conjuring up sub-space. Or, they use it as a discipline tool in their D/s life. “You’ve been a naughty girl; it is time for your spanking.”

However, many use spanking as the preferred technique to put a submissive into sub-space. For the purposes of this article, we will use a broad definition of spanking that includes the use of any toy, from the flogger to a wooden spoon and just about anything in between, in addition to the hand. Let’s now list our “Top Ten” (why is it always “Top Ten”?) tips that will help you spank the submissive into sub-space in the safest and easiest manner. These suggestions are not for everybody; all Dominants and submissives are different. But, you can pick and choose among them; use those that work for you.

• Tranquility. The easiest way to put a submissive is to spank in a tranquil setting. Some cool scene music (Enigma?) and few distractions are always a good beginning.

• Breathing. Encourage deep, rhythmic breathing in the submissive. This brings oxygen to the brain and also relaxes the body. If the sub is tense, your spanking session might be fun, but sub-space is unlikely to be achieved.

• Pre-talk. Since the receptivity of the submissive is proportional to trust, make sure you reassure your submissive before your scene. Listen to any concerns he/she might have. (Some subs are afraid of sub-space in much the same way as some people are afraid of hypnosis.) Inspiring confidence goes a long way in BDSM.

• Go slowly. It is better to spank lightly for a long period of time than it is to go heavy and hard for a shorter period of time. Of course, every submissive is different. Some go into deep sub-space only when spanked hard. But, if you are starting out, better to go slowly and take your time then go all out immediately. And, at the very least, warm up lightly.

• Discuss limits. Find out the submissive’s hard limits. If you are the submissive, even if not asked, state them loud and clear. Sometimes marking is a hard limit due to personal considerations. Other times, certain parts of the body are off limits – the back, the breasts, etc. (Rarely is the butt off limits!)

• Safe words. Don’t forget to agree on a safe word. (A word, usually “red,” that stops all play.) This might seem obvious; but it still bears repeating.

• Check on your submissive. Do not simply rely on the safe word to see when enough is enough. When in subspace, the submissive rarely feels any pain. Nor is he/she in a position to say the safe word. Check up on her condition regularly. Use you own judgment, not the submissive’s.

• Different toys for different joys. (Trying to be slick are we? LOL.) Each submissive responds differently to different spanking toys. Some can only be put into sub-space by a hand spanking. Others only by the flogger. Still others only by the cane. Some need an alternating combination of all toys. There is no hard and fast rule. Thus, trial and error is the best way to find out exactly what spanking technique puts your submissive into space.

• Dungeon furniture. Sometimes it takes the ole’ adrenaline rush of the dungeon to overcome resistance to sub-space. Or, it might be a piece of dungeon furniture that does the trick. The spanking bench has been a mainstay of dungeons for years with good reason. It works. A trip to your local dungeon might succeed where home play has failed. Of course, there are always other lifestylers there who can give you some tips so a trip to the local dungeon can be more than worth your while.

• Aftercare. Sub-space is a very energy draining experience for the submissive — both emotionally and physically. So when the session is over, it is up to the Dominant to ease his sub “back to Earth” with skill and sensitivity. This is commonly called “Aftercare.”

Spanking is probably the most popular BDSM activity of all. And sub-space can be the most exciting state a submissive can enter. We hope these ten tips can help you combine these two into an incredible experience!

Sploshing Around

February 15, 2016 By Jonathan Saunders 3 Comments

Photographer: Jonathan Saunders Model: anniebear

Sploshing; a kink that involves covering one’s subject with food. Apparently it’s all the rage in the UK. I encountered my first sploshing scene with this latest shoot. There is something erotic and positively humiliating about this type of play. I felt dirty and unattractive covered in sticky sweet cream and chocolate. I can only imagine what it would feel like to experience a more severe scene. These photos show the grotesque-a direct view down my throat for example or a “Carrie-esque” quality of the chocolate sauce dripping from me like blood. I hope you enjoy them as much as I enjoyed sitting for the photos.

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