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Baadmaster’s Guide to Public Play: Part One

December 21, 2015 By Baadmaster 3 Comments

As this is the party season, chances are you will be invited to at least one BSDM “play party.” In these types of gatherings, some couples perform BDSM scenes for everyone to see. Others just socialize. Play parties, besides being fun and instructive, are great for submissives who would find the “I have a private dungeon and don’t play in public” Fifty Shades type of Dominant creepy – or even dangerous.

If you are new to this tradition, let these articles be your guide into the world of public play. If you are experienced, a little review is always good for the soul. It might even inspire you to revisit some aspects of public play you may be overlooking or forgetting. Since there are many aspects of public play, we will treat them in three separate installments, ingeniously titled “Part I,” Part II and Part III.”

Most play parties are usually either invitation-only affairs in private homes or semi-public affairs that are usually held at a local dungeon or BDSM club. In both instances, a major feature of these parties is the public play that goes on there. Most times, a large array of equipment (such as St. Andrews crosses, suspension devices, spanking benches, stocks, cages, etc.) are provided for “scening” — as public BDSM play is called. If this is your first play party, fear not. You will not be forced to play. Typically, only about half of the guests actually play; the rest watch the action. This is perfect synergy – the performers perform and the voyeurs voyeur, and everyone is happy!

At every play party, one rule that is always in force is the “rule of consent.” Just because a person is submissive – or even naked! – doesn’t mean that he/she must defer to any Dominant. Permission for anything, from simple touching to playing, must be asked for and granted by the submissive. (Or by the submissive’s Dominant, if that is their arrangement.) A good strategy for any submissive who has a Dom/Domme is to refer all requests for play to the Dominant he/she arrived with. Remember, if you are a single submissive, you always have the right to say “no.” Always. No exceptions. Ever.

Each dungeon, club or private party, has its own “house rules.” No smoking is fairly common, as is no alcohol. (It is not a good idea to drink and play.) Typically, the basic “house rules” are clearly posted. For example, when you enter Los Angeles’ famed Lair De Sade, the following notice is clearly posted.

“OUR BASIC RULE IS THAT “MUTUAL CONSENT & RESPECT ARE MANDATORY. DISBURSEMENT OF NEGATIVE ENERGY
DISRESPECTS A PARTY ~ KEEP IT OFF THE PREMISES, PLEASE!”

Keeping this rule in mind, if you are watching a scene, never make a loud comment, interrupt a scene or enter the “scene space.” Surely, don’t just join them without permission. (This seems so obvious, we mention it simply for the humor in the image of someone “just joining in!”) Keep in mind that a submissive can be bounced out of subspace, or a Dom/me out of Top space, by comments, laughter, distractions, etc. So, be respectful. You don’t have to treat someone’s play area with the solemnity of a televised golf match. But, an attitude of respect and courtesy should be maintained.

If you wish to compliment the players on a particularly good scene, wait until it is over. Do not applaud in the middle of it. Keep in mind that these scenes are really private scenes, even if they are being acted out in public view.

Even if you are an advanced player, some activities, such as fire play, knife play and blood play require permission of the host. Oft times wax play, because it is so messy, is also prohibited. There is also a house safe word, which is usually “red.” If you are not sure about any rules, ask the host or a Dungeon Monitor. Dungeon Monitors, or DMs, are there to watch out for any dangerous play and to see that the house rules are observed. Even in this new world of post “Fifty Shades,” where almost everything goes, house rules, which are based on common sense, are always to be observed.

Play parties can be foreboding if you go into it with the wrong attitude. You are there to have fun and make some friends in the BDSM scene; you should only play in public after you feel comfortable and even excited about doing it. No one expects you to play the first time you attend a play party; that is your option. In fact, we usually suggest you do not play in public at your first play party. After all, the best way to learn how to use the equipment is to go to a dungeon party and watch others play. It is a great opportunity to observe your fellow kinksters in action, exchange ideas and learn as much as you can, and have a good time in the process.

In our next installment, we will get specific with respect to actual play and offer suggestions how to make public play both safe and exciting. Stay tuned!

by Baadmaster
After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.

Erotica: Dinner Party

December 21, 2015 By Phi 1 Comment

“Okay, so…if I win, you have no say in anything that happens to you from six o’clock until midnight.”

“Fine., And if I win, I get a whole day of you pampering me wearing nothing but a bow-tie and a leopard print thong.”

“Leopard print? When did that happen?”

“Just now when I realized that pampering me included running your hands all over my body, getting your cock serviced and fucking me until I pass out, so that either way you were going to win.”

“Oh, you noticed that.”

“Yes. I noticed that. I want it to be a little bit painful for you.”

“Fine. Deal.”

“Ok. Ready?”

“Yeah. One…. Two….. Three…. CALL IT!”

“HEADS!”
___________________________________________

I know he cheated. I don’t know how he cheated, but I know he cheated. He was way too prepared for the win.

I was sitting naked, bound to the dining chair with my knees spread apart, my wrists behind my back, and a rope gag bound twice around my open mouth. They’d added that bit when I started complaining about being cold.

They’d also added nipple clamps at that point, as my commenting on the temperature brought their attention to my hardened nipples some time after the appetizer course.

You’d have thought they’d blindfold me, but no. It was a game, not a punishment. He knew I’d like their lecherous stares between bites of baked salmon and and sips of wine.

I’ll back up. At six o’clock on the dot he ordered me stripped and sent me off into the kitchen to prepare a proper dinner for two wearing nothing but an apron and heels. I created a three course meal to his specifications – appetizer, salad, and main course with a side. No dessert.

So I went with things I knew we’d both like. Bacon wrapped dates, a caprese salad with fresh basil, and for the entree: baked salmon with my not-so-secret spice blend and a side of grilled zucchini strips. It smelled pretty amazing, and I set the table for two using the nicer china and fancy silverware.

The doorbell rang at 7:15. He was grinning from ear to ear as I looked over, puzzled. “Our guest has arrived right on time. Go let him in.”

“What?”

He didn’t even bother to tell me again. He just gave me a look.

With a sigh, I walked over to the front door. His voice interrupted me. “Don’t answer the door in that dirty apron. What will our guest think?”

There wasn’t any point in arguing. I took the apron off and hung it on the coat rack by the front door and then took a deep breath.

When I answered the door, I was surprised to see a man standing there that I didn’t know very well. Part of me wanted to hide. I was naked, except for heels, and this guy was just standing there, not making any attempts to hide that he was enjoying the view. Pursed lips, he looked me up and down, letting his gaze linger on my tits.

“Uh. Hi. Welcome,” I said. “Come on in.”

“Don’t mind if I do,” he answered.

Fast forward to 8 PM: I’d finished bringing all the food out to the table and pouring them each a glass of wine while they talked about boring guy things, barely acknowledging my presence. I’d sneak glances at our guest while they were immersed in conversation. He was charming and attractive in his way. I’d met him a few times in our social circle, but listening to them chat about this and that, I realized that I hadn’t known they were that well acquainted. My lover’s comfort with him made me feel comfortable with him.

“Well, it looks like dinner’s ready. Let’s queue up the entertainment.” I could hear the familiar smirk in his voice and I knew he was talking about me. I couldn’t help but smile. I’d grown weary of being ignored.

Our guest came up behind me and pulled back on my hair, dragging me back and sitting me down on the chair while my lover pulled some rope out from a nearby drawer and started uncoiling it.

That’s how I ended up in the position that I was in at 9 PM. Tied to the chair, gagged and drooling, nipples clamped and watching my lover and his friend finishing up the dinner I thought I’d been preparing for myself, while they talked about me in the third person.

“You want to clear the table while I prepare dessert?” I squirmed in the chair. Our guest cleared the table while my lover started untying me – first removing the gag and replacing the rough jute with his probing, wet tongue. I wanted to wrap my arms around him, but they were still restrained behind my back. I did as best I could to lean into the kiss.

Without warning, he pulled the clamps off by the chain and I yelped right into his mouth. “ASSHOLE!” and I thrashed while the burning pain resonated through my nipples.

After several seconds, (and a lot of laughing), he leaned in to kiss me again. “Your nipples sore, honey?” He was rolling them around lightly in his fingers.

I nodded. Big eyes. Pouty lip. It never works, but I do it anyway.

He booped my nose and laughed again. “We’ll be taking care of that, honey.” The way he said it almost sounded like a threat as he leaned in and reached behind me to start unbinding my wrists with my face buried into his chest. Meanwhile, our guest had returned to the table with a large canvas gym bag and a paper supermarket bag.

“Honey,” my lover said, as he continued untying me. “Our guest was kind enough to offer to prepare our dessert table-side. Isn’t that thoughtful?”

“Yes, Sir.” I inhaled the scent of him and resisted the urge to bite. I had a feeling I was going to be the main ingredient in whatever “dessert” they were planning to partake in.

“What will you be preparing for us, buddy?” he asked our guest.

They were both looking right at me when he answered. “My favorite. Triple-Stuffed Slut.”

As he said it he pulled a massive blue dildo out of the gym bag and wiggled it around at me. My jaw dropped open as my eyes darted back and forth between the dong and my smirking Dom. The guest walked over to me and took advantage to stuff it into my mouth.

“That’s it. Get it nice and wet. We’re gonna stuff it in your cunt to marinade for a while while we prep the rest of you.”

I hadn’t made much eye contact with him yet, but this seemed as good a time as any to try to use my feminine wiles on him. I stuck my tongue out and slathered it all over the fat cock, letting the drool coat it nice and thick while maintaining eye contact with him the entire time.

“Damn. You’re right about having the ripe slut on hand,” he said as my lover freed me from the last of my bindings and took me forcefully by the elbows and stood me up. Together they led me to the now cleared dining room table and laid me down flat, face up on top of it. With a grunt, they positioned my body so that my ass was right at the edge of the table, knees up and spread in the air.

The friend took the dildo out of my mouth and walked around the table’s edge. “Mind if I taste the marinade before we put this in?” he asked, fingers already rubbing along the slick swollen flesh of my labia.

“Good idea,” was the response. I closed my eyes. I’d finally gotten used to my lover going down on me after years of neglect in that area. Having a near-stranger do it was going to take an actual act of submission. I had a feeling that was by design to try to get me more comfortable with receiving oral.

I felt soft lips on my forehead and realized that I’d had my brow furrowed. “It’s not punishment. It’s supposed to be fun,” he murmured in my ear. “Are you having fun?” I opened my eyes to meet his gaze and smiled, reaching my hand over to caress the side of his face.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” I assured him. Just then I felt the sensation of hot breath against my clit, and I pulled my lover’s lips down toward my own.

It wasn’t bad. I had trouble letting go enough to come, but it still felt pretty good. Especially when he started using his fingers. The whole time, I felt my pussy dripping wet into my asshole and knew that would help later on with the promise of being “triple stuffed.” I wondered which of them (or the dildo) would be taking that particular hole.

It didn’t take too much longer to find out.

Without warning, the dildo slid into my pussy and the friend started fucking me with it.

“OHMYGOD. OHMYGOD,” I moaned loudly. Did I mention that thing was huge?

“She’s just so noisy,” my lover said to his friend, and clamped his broad palm down over my mouth. In the mean time, he used his other hand to retrieve a bottle of honey and can of whipped cream from the super market bag on the chair by the table.

He flipped the lid top on the honey and I arched my back as the sticky syrup hit my nipple. I felt it dripping down the side of my breasts and closed my eyes, wishing for the warmth of his mouth on them. He knew how sensitive they were, especially after his move with the nipple clamps.

“Sshhh. You’ll wake up the neighbors,” he said as he lifted his hand off my mouth. “It’s almost 10pm.” He smiled as my body trembled little shockwaves and I nodded obediently.

“Open wide,” he held the whipped cream can over my mouth. I giggled and opened my mouth. He filled it with whipped cream and then kissed my lips closed and I snorted and moaned and laughed all a the same time.

But it was when he put his mouth on my nipple that I went under again. A virtual stranger fucking my pussy with a dildo and my lover’s hot wet mouth on my honey-drizzled tits….whipped cream notwithstanding, it was a recipe for orgasm.

And it worked.

He alternated between the cream and the honey, my right and left nipples, my belly, my neck, my shoulder. He bit into my shoulder.

When I came, it was epic. He was rolling my right nipple in his fingers while biting on the left one when it happened.

He came back up and kissed my earlobe, whispering “good girl” into it as the little aftershocks pulsed their way through my body.

“My dick is hard, buddy.” The friend had pulled the dildo out of my pussy and was now rubbing his cock through his pants, standing there between my legs staring at it.

“Oh. Hang on. Lets flip her over. You’re gonna love this.”

They pulled me up and the guest took a seat in the chair. My lover positioned me on my hands and knees in front of him and said three simple words to let me know what he wanted.

“Do your thing.”

I smiled. My turn.

If you’ve never had someone suck your cock like it was their calling in life to do so, then you won’t understand what our guest experienced for the next twenty minutes. And it was only twenty because I was slowing down and making it last that long. If I’d been trying, I’d have had him in five.

In the meantime, my lover had pulled two floggers out of the bag and started going at my ass with them. For a moment, except for the leopard print thong, it felt like I’d won the coin toss.

But about halfway through the blow job, he set the floggers down and knelt behind me. I grunted as his cock took advantage of my already lubricated ass. I love it when he fucks my ass.

And there I was, like a multi-orgasmic chinese finger trap as we crossed into the 11 o’clock hour. I’d yet to be triple stuffed, and part of me wanted to remind them – but just then, our guest appeared to remember the same thing, and pulled my head off his cock long enough to get up and grab the dildo from the table.

“I think it’s time, man.”

Handing it over, my lover pulled his cock out of my ass and re-inserted the dildo into my pussy, giving it a couple thrusts before shoving it far up inside and ordering me to clench. The friend took his place back on the chair, and just as I resumed “doing my thing,” the cock re-entered my ass.

I’m pretty sure we all woke up the neighbors.

After we all reveled in the afterglow, we went to go wash up. I took a little extra time to grab a bite of leftovers from the kitchen while they got dressed and chatted about music for a while.

It was almost midnight when our guest said his goodbyes and took off.

“You have ten minutes left, Sir.” I curled up into a ball next to him on the sofa. “What do you want to do with me now?”

He caressed my back with his hand and leaned over with his head to kiss my forehead again.

“Exactly this.” By the time Friday rolled into Saturday, we were both dreaming about future adventures.

Phi is an erotic fiction writer. Phi (pronounced “fee”) came into kink at early age and renewed her connection with the lifestyle in 2014 after a decade-long hiatus. A somewhat popular and undeniably avid blogger on fetlife.com under the name phi-is-me, phi lives in the suburb of a suburb in southern California with two cats and six pillows.

The 99 Cent Store BDSM Catalog

December 14, 2015 By Baadmaster 2 Comments

As the holiday gift-giving season empties our wallets, many of us (at least those without a helicopter) don’t have extra cash for expensive BDSM toys. Is the five hundred dollar Violet Wand outside your budget? Is the three hundred dollar Gallagher Custom knife beyond your reach? Is the two hundred dollar flogger now out of the question? Have no fear, Kink Weekly is here – with the solution!

As most of you know, there is a chain of “99 Cents” and “Dollar” type stores where everything costs a dollar or less. And there are lots of these “buck and under” stores all over the country. Many of the items sold at these stores can be used – or adapted for use – in BDSM and fetish scenes. And at these prices, you can stock up on toys – without making a dent in your budget!

So here it is (drum roll)…Kink Weekly’s spanking new holiday catalog of “dollar and under” BDSM toys.

Spring-loaded paper clips — The small ones make great nipple clamps, the larger ones…wow!!!

Hair brushes — Great for spanking on flat side, light torture on the bristle side.

Rubber bands — Great for nipple play and CBT.

Wooden clothespins — Buy a hundred of ‘em for a buck and go to town.

Plastic clothespins — Style conscious? Play in style with multi-colored plastic clothespins.

Miniature plastic clothespins — Neat, huh?

Duct tape – the ole’ BDSM stand-bye. And it comes in colors too!

Loofah sponges — The “use anywhere” abrasive tool. Just rub on nipples, clit or balls…OWWIE!!!

Spatulas — Spatulas make great BDSM toys. The slave can also use them to make breakfast.

Knives — Stainless steel knives of surprisingly good quality are occasionally available here. How can that be? One, they are closeouts. Two, they are made in China (as is most of the stuff in these stores.) If blister packed, sterilize, use once, then throw away!

Wooden spoons — These make great natural paddles! A few bucks and you can be the Spoon Master/Mistress!

Cutting boards — These also make great paddles. The plastic ones often come in colors!

Rolling pins – An exceptional torment device for under a dollar.

C-clamps – Paired with wooden clothespins, this scene’s budget comes in at under two bucks. 0% financing available.

Pickle pinchers — Used to pick up pickles, can be used to pinch a submissive in interesting places!

Funnels — If you ever pay more than a buck for a funnel, you should wear one on your head! Great for funnel play (duh)!

Candles — The cheap candles are the best and a Benjamin here makes you the King or Queen of Wax Play! Smart to buy a bunch of dollar-store candles for future use.

Plastic curtain liners — These are great to put on your bed when you play with hot wax. The dollar-store variety are usually butt-ugly, but what the heck? Use once and throw away.

Bottle brushes — Yikes! The old bottle brush. Less than a buck for this tool of terror!

Dog food bowls — Also available at the pet shop. Other low priced items that duplicate the pet store but are sometimes available at the Dollar type stores include leashes, dog collars, etc.

Karabiners — These nifty devices are spring-loaded links that can be put together to form a chain of any length. They usually come in packs of three for a buck at these places. Simply awesome!

Baby pacifiers – Age play, humiliation, punishment…this is the toy of a thousand uses.

Sandpaper — The choice of the Masters for abrasion play! Whether purchased here or at a hardware store, you get a lot of bang for your buck with sandpaper.

Steel wool — Steel wool, without the soap in them, is a another great abrasion play toy.

Scotchbrite – Here is another cool abrasive for less than the magical dollar. Steel wool sans the steel.

Mousetraps — Generally available in five-packs, one buck gets you a whole night of great scening. They look a lot more sadistic than they are. Open carefully, apply gently. Never snap them.

Enema supplies — Although the pre-packaged Fleet-type enemas line these stores’ shelves, we have seen more exotic enema equipment here from time to time.

Rope — Rope is generally the fiefdom of the Home Depot type store (where Fifty Shades’ hardware store Goddess worked!), but pre-packaged nylon rope can be found at these “buck and under” emporiums. The selection is shoddy; use only as a truly last resort.

Role-play Items — The “toy department” has costume-y stuff you can use in cosplay games. Toy paddles, jumping rope and age-play accessories abound here. Even some funky blindfolds can be discovered here.

Icy Hot — Some Dommes I know swear by Icy Hot. The actual brand is pretty inexpensive at a retail drug store. But you can save a couple of dollars by buying the generic here. If you use a lot, it might pay!

Self-heating pads — These hot pads can be awesome when put on the right spot at the right time. Here at the right price!

Hair clips — Dollar store hair clips can be put to a zillion uses!

Feather dusters — What a fun toy!

Rubber gloves — The toy of a thousand uses. Although I cannot think of any!

Alligator clips — All kinds of neat clips can be found here in the “auto/hardware” departments.

Plastic locking pliers — My personal favorite. A cheap knock-off of metal locking pliers, they come in a variety of sizes, including “mini-me,” and are much lighter than their metal cousins. Great for nipple play and all sorts of BDSM fun. Although sometimes hard to find, when you do, you have hit the jackpot! Truly the toy star of the Dollar type stores.

Supplies — Cotton swabs, disinfectant wipes, alcohol, band-aids, baby oil, betadine swabs and other generic pharmacy supplies line the shelves at these bargain stores. Wet wipes are great for wiping down equipment at the dungeon after you use it. But don’t buy lube or condums here. Get the real deal!

Not all of these items are available all of the time at these stores. These dollar-type places tend to be catch-as-catch-can affairs. But as you wander the aisles, the only limit is your imagination. Remember, a dowel to one person is a cane to another!

It is probably impossible to make a complete listing of “BDSM-for-a-buck” toys. So, if any of you have found additional items, I would like to hear from you. I will add it to this ever-evolving “catalog.”

By the way, this catalog, too, is under a buck!

After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.

The Erotic Art of Tickling

December 7, 2015 By Baadmaster 4 Comments

In our quest to cover all fetishes and play styles in KINK WEEKLY, we were surprised to find out that tickling, according to at least two surveys, is the second most popular fetish (after feet.) Thus, it is surprising that so little is written about it. Well, it is time to change all that.

The most popular form of tickling is not BDSM related at all – it is called “erotic tickling” and is quite codified. Generally done as foreplay, it is not play in and of itself. The key, according to some aficionados, is to find the ticklish spots and be very light in your tickling – and never go into the pain area, as in BDSM. There are books on erotic tickling and, done “by the book,” its proponents claim tickling can stimulate the nerve endings to such a degree as to make the subsequent sex much more intense.

Sometimes erotic tickling strays into the world of BDSM. A popular approach is to tickle a subject whose wrists and ankles are restrained. In this scenario, the “tickler” stops short of inflicting pain, aiming instead for a session of light, teasing yet sensual tickling – with a taste of bondage thrown in.

The next step in the tickling continuum is true BDSM tickling. As in all types of BDSM play, toys can be used. The hand, of course, is the tickler’s tool of choice. But feathers come in a close second, followed by feather dusters, toothbrushes, soft makeup brushes, silk cloths and other inventive tickling implements.

What about safety? There is a tendency to overlook safety concerns when participating in a BDSM tickling scene. After all, can you die laughing? When have you ever heard of a serial tickler or a tickling rapist? (A tickist?) Humor aside, any BDSM activity than can cause a submissive to be unable to breathe and empty his/her bladder should be taken seriously! A tickling scene can be very analogous to any other BDSM scene. Keep in mind, the soles of the feet (where much of tickling is done) are incredibly sensitive; the “bastinado” torture of the feet during the Spanish Inquisition is considered one of the most extreme – out of a panoply of extreme tortures! That said, if you are going to have a serious tickling session, set up a safeword and safe signal. (A word to the Tops: if the sub is in the extreme throws of a serious tickling session, he/she might not be able to utter the safe word – or even give the safe signal. Always keep an eye on her/him.)

Most times a BDSM tickling scene is done with the submissive (or the “ticklee”) in restraints or some form of bondage. Tickling can produce pain — much like spanking, flogging, or caning. The pain/sensation scale can be quite high – a ticklish submissive can be driven almost mad by these sensations. A skillful Tickling Top (clever title, eh?) can play this sensation palette like a violin. There is really no other form of play where you can go from full bore, almost unbearable mega-sensations to zero sensations so quickly – and vice-versa. There is no doubt that submissives can be put into a tickle-induced form of sub-space.

A very popular type of tickle play is time-limit scening. Tickle parties, like those promoted at some dungeons, are set up for this system. Here you tickle the submissive for ten-minute intervals. You can then discuss it with the submissive and go for another ten minutes. Or not. This is a great way for beginners to practice their tickling techniques. Ten minutes may not sound like a lot, but it can be quite intense for both the tickler and the ticklee. And the screams you hear can often rival those of a full-blown BDSM torture session. The more you understand about tickling, the more you will comprehend why it is so popular.

Tickling is another tool in our BDSM play arsenal. We recommend, to our fellow Tops who have not tried it, giving your submissive a serious tickling the next time you have him/her in restraints. You might find you can explore another set of sensations you had not tapped into. If you are a submissive, you might negotiate a tickling scene with your Top – an introduction to see if you like it. (Although, some positively hate tickling. Period.)

The beauty of tickling is that it requires little equipment, has a shallow learning curve and is very sensation intensive. I guess you might call that win-win-win activity!

By Baadmaster
After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.

Mistress Lucy

November 23, 2015 By Desdemona Leave a Comment

Photographer: Dexx Model: Mistress Lucy

Mistress Lucy is back in this wickedly fun photo spread and she’s looking at YOU. Her mind is brimming with ways to tease and torture in her dungeon. What will she come up with next?

Mistress Lucy is a professional dominatrix based in Los Angeles, CA. For more information or to contact her regarding sessions, visit her web site.

A New Look at Pain

November 16, 2015 By Baadmaster 8 Comments

One of the most pervasive questions in this lifestyle is whether pain is essential in a BDSM relationship. The answer is an unequivocal “no.” One can have an awesome Doninant/submissive partnership with absolutely no pain being involved. It could be a sex slave arrangement, a service slave situation or any number of D/s unions. Then again, there could only be symbolic or light pain involved. A hand spanking when a submissive misbehaves or a light crop on the palms can be the basis of a very hot D/s relationship. Or just a light hand spanking in a kinky vanilla relationship. (After all, this is Kink Weekly!) The possibilities are virtually endless. We have no scientific data, but we would bet the number of non pain or light pain relationships far outnumber those using significant pain. Of course, the Sadist who whips his masochist in a dungeon attracts more attention than the Master with a sex slave whose service is limited to the bedroom. But, that is just the way it would appear to a casual observer; on closer analysis, it does not mean that pain is the preferred, or more popular, way to go. There is no one right way to do BDSM. That being said, the question remains, why is pain often an integral part of a BDSM relationship? What we propose is that there are three distinct aspects to pain that make it so pervasive. We will term this trio “the ‘Story of O’ effect,” “the subspace effect” and “the bonding effect.” Let’s examine them in order.

1. The “Story of O effect” alludes to the landmark novel of Dominance and submission by Paulene Reage, available for free. which took the world by storm in the seventies. At its core is the old school romantic proposition that a slave will do things for her/his Dominant that he/she would not do for anyone else. “Suffering for one’s Master” as a sign of submission. The novel, and a subsequent movie, has some odd, and debatable, takes on love and sacrifice; but, the overall message is that the devotion a slave has to her Master/Mistress can be judged by the amount of pain the slave takes. As BDSM progressed from the 70’s, this concept evolved into the common practice of pushing the submissive’s limits. Here the submissive/slave (for convenience, we will use these terms interchangeably) is being taken to places that she would not ordinarily go to for any other Dominant. “Pushing limits” does not have the verbal pizzazz, nor the romantic luster, that “Suffering for one’s Master” does. But, the effect can be almost identical. In both instances, we are using pain thresholds as a way of measuring the dedication of a submissive.

2. The “subspace effect” is commonly intertwined with the “Story of O effect.” Subspace often occurs during a pain session. What is this mysterious state called “subspace?” Although subspace will be explained in another Kink Weekly article (amazingly, it is titled “Subspace!”), it can safely be stated that subspace is a mental/physical state caused by a rush of endorphins flooding the body. Among subs who have experienced it, it is likened to “flying.” In fact, “flying” is a synonym for it. By all accounts, subspace is an incredible high. And here is the hook: it is accessed most easily and predictably by…guess what…pain!

The most effective way of putting a submissive into subspace is to spank/flog/cane him/her over a period of time. (Note: always observe safe words during BDSM play.) To put it succinctly, pain is popular because it works. As opposed to the “Story of O” effect, one does not have to push limits to get a submissive to fly. Moderate, or even light pain over a longer period of time, can be just as effective as extreme pain. Besides, what one person’s sting can be another person’s hurt.

3. The “bonding effect” might be an even more notable facet of pain than the previous two – if only on a subconscious level. Rarely spoken about in BDSM circles, its bonding power can be unbelievably potent. It appears the pain/pleasure/endorphin dynamic that is actuated when pain is given and received brings the duo together in unique ways. Whether they are play partners or a Dom/sub couple, the trust involved in pain play invariably bonds the two people together. Even casual players develop a close friendship that is deeper than being just golfing partners. Add into this the enjoyment that the Dominant gets from flogging – and even marking – a submissive. Perhaps this is one of the great appeals of pain!

Taken in totality, when these three aspects of pain are actuated, the partners can amplify any type of BDSM relationship they have agreed too. Light pain, medium pain or heavy pain can all be equally effective. Whatever pain threshold you decide to work with, the concept of three “effects of pain” might give you an insight into its power. After all, pain can be a potent tool for pleasure!

by BAADMASTER
After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.

The Little Brat

November 16, 2015 By Desdemona 1 Comment

Photographer: Dexx Model: Renata Colette

She was home alone and feeling neglected. She set up her phone and snapped a few cheeky shots for Daddy.

“That should get his attention,” she thought with a laugh.

Her phone suddenly buzzes to life. A new text message.

“I get home in two hours.” It was Daddy!

“You’re going to get it and that little bear too. Be ready….”

Erotica: Good Girl, A Fantasy

November 16, 2015 By Phi 1 Comment

I’d been up since 6am, having only gotten four hours of sleep the night before. The party had gone well, the show was a success, and the afterparty was in full-swing. I wanted nothing more than to get out of there, walk in my front door and strip my way up the stairs to the bedroom and pass out.

But there were still hours to go between now and then. I still had to be “on.”

“Mr. and Mrs. Jenkins, thank you so much for coming! Oh, I’m so glad you enjoyed it. I’d love to catch up next week and give you an update on our next project. I think you’ll definitely want to be involved in it.”

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him. He was standing at one of the high-tops, sipping a drink and eye-fucking me as he had been most of the night. I’d warned him that I had to be on my best behavior.

“I need to be a good girl tonight. The other kind of good girl,” I’d responded quietly when he’d come up behind me, put his firm hand on the small of my back a the bar and whispered, “I’d love to take you to the coat check room and fuck your face right now, you dirty little whore.”

I mean, it’s not like I hadn’t thought of it. But, there’s a time and a place. There’s being a good girl, and there’s being a good girl.

He’d backed off after that, but every so often I’d glance around and spot him somewhere nearby, watching me.

When it got close to 11pm, I started preparing myself for the challenge ahead. Pretty soon I’d make the call to shut down the open bar and start gathering my volunteers to pack up the event. The crowd was starting to thin out. My bosses were making their rounds, drunk of course. She’d given me the biggest hug. “I have no idea how you pulled this off, but it was the best year ever!” She says that every year.

My parents were still here, but I could see they were starting to fade as well. I looked over at my friend and smiled. “Soon” I mouthed to him. He grinned back, and walked over.

“Now,” he said as he walked past me and up the stairs toward the room we’d been using for storage.

I took a quick peek around. Nobody seemed to be looking for me.

“Sam,” I said to my assistant, who was finally enjoying her first drink of the evening. “I’m going to head upstairs for a few minutes. Need a few minutes of quiet.”

She looked over at the staircase where he was standing there like Leo in Kate’s dream sequence, and laughed.

“Right. Quiet. Okay, I’ll keep everyone out.”

She knows what I’m about, you see. She knows.

I turned toward the stairs. Once he was satisfied that I’d follow, he turned and continued his ascent, disappearing behind the wooden shutters that separated the lounge area from the changing rooms.

By the time I walked into the room his cock was already out of his pants and in his stroking hand.

“Do your thing, slut.”

I fell to my knees in my evening gown and took him into my mouth. He wasn’t fully hard yet, but it wouldn’t take long to get him there. I was quite well acquainted with his favorite techniques.

I could hear the murmurs of conversations below. Suddenly, a conversation came through the walls like it was being broadcast over a megaphone.

“Oh, we LOVE having phi as part of the team! You must be so proud!”

“Yes, yes. We are. We come to this event every year, and we’re always so impressed with how well it turns out!”

It was my mother and my boss …talking about me. I was less than 15 feet from them, and separated only by a few pieces of slatted wood.

I heard him laugh. “That’s right. Listen to them talk about what a “good” girl you are. Fucking whore. What kind of good girl makes me wait all night to do what I want, huh?” He put his hand on the back of my head and pressed his cock toward the back of my throat. As if to make a point, he pushed harder until I started to struggle back for air.

“What, you need to breathe now?” He held me down a few seconds longer before pulling my head back by the hair.

“You breathe when I tell you to breathe.”

“Yes, Sir,” i whispered.

“You’re not leaving this room until I’ve seen my come on your tongue,” he continued, “so the longer you take, the more likely you get caught.”

I resumed my worship, using every technique I’d cataloged as his preference

He was starting to shake, the tell-tale sign that I was getting close. Then i heard their voices again. “I haven’t seen her in a few minutes. Sam! Sam, do you know where phi went? Her parents are leaving and want to say goodnight.”

Sam knew I’d be able to hear. “Uhh…I can go check around for her.”

“Maybe she’s upstairs?” It was my mom.

“Uhh…let me go check,” Sam responded, her voice louder than usual.

I pulled off his cock, and he grabbed and forced me back on.

“Don’t you fucking stop. I don’t care who comes up here. You don’t get up until my come is sliding down your throat.”

It only took another thirty seconds or so. He came right we heard the knock at the door. He just looked at me. I opened my mouth and showed him his come on my tongue.

“Good girl,” he murmured. “Tell her to come in, then swallow it.”

I pleaded with my eyes. There was a second tap at the door. “Phi, your mom is looking for you,” Sam’s voice announced.

“Come in,” I said, mouth full of come, as I stood up. I swallowed just as the door opened.

She looked at us both and laughed.

“Ok, Boss,” she said. “I’ll tell her you’ll be down in a minute. You might want to fix your lipstick.” She walked back out, shutting the door behind her.

When I turned to look at him, he was looking very pleased with himself.

“See, phi?” he grinned. “You can be both kinds of good girl in the same night. Now, get your ass back to work, before I put it to work for me.”

Hard versus soft limits

November 9, 2015 By Jenn Masri 6 Comments

Fetish Hand cuffs, collar, whip dominatrix — It’s ok to have limits.

Limits are things that should be discussed during any negotiation. They can be due to medical issues or triggers, however, those are usually discussed separately. Personal limits typically refer to things that have to do with preference versus inability. A “don’t want” versus a “can’t”. Limits (just like most things in a negotiation) can apply to both the bottom and the Top. Both partners should cover limits for themselves when negotiating a scene.

There are two categories of personal limits, hard limits and soft limits. Hard limits are fairly easy to define. These are things that you will not do under any circumstance, at least for the scene that is being negotiated. These could be things that you won’t do at all, will do with some people but not with others, or it’s something you won’t do with a new play partner until you get to know them better. Hard limits can include extreme forms of play and what we think of as “typical” hard limits, which include things like illegal activity, but it can also include any type of play or activity that the person is not OK with. Sometimes somebody has a hard limit that their play partner is used to doing or that may be ok with most people, however, if it’s not okay with you don’t hesitate to tell the other person. You should never not mention a limit just because you think it’s silly or because you think it should be expected. Just because you think something is common or well liked by most people, for example hair pulling, this may be something that is a hard limit for you. Maybe it’s because you have extensions in your hair or maybe it’s because you have an emotional trigger connected to the activity. The reason doesn’t matter. The point is, if it’s not okay with you, your partner needs to know that and they need to understand that it’s a hard limit.

Soft limits usually fall under two different categories. They are things that someone has tried and they don’t necessarily enjoy it (or at least didn’t enjoy it with the person they experienced it with) but it wasn’t so bad that it’s a hard no – it’s more “I’m willing to try it again with you and/or I know I don’t really like it but if you like it I’m willing to endure it for you”. The other type of soft limit is something that has not been experienced before, but that the person is willing to try. Usually in this case the top will want to start slow or light and go from there. The last thing you want to do when introducing a new type of play or type of implement is to go too hard and give the person a bad first experience. You don’t want someone to not like an implement or type of play based on a bad first impression or fear.

Keep in mind if you’re new, when you have a list of hard limits and soft limits, these things can, and probably will, change over time. Hard limits can become soft limits, soft limits can become fetishes or turn ons, or things that you once enjoyed can become a limit for you. Just be prepared for the fact that these lists are not set in stone. As you experience more play and as you experience playing with different people, things will change over time and that’s perfectly OK. You may even play with someone one time and have a certain set of limits and by the time you play with them again those limits may have changed. So as a top it’s also important to remember that. Keep in mind it may have nothing to do with them being dishonest or keeping anything from you or be anything personal, it could just be that their experiences have changed.

Lastly, there is something you want to avoid, especially as a new s-type, when you first start playing. You may not know what your limits are and that’s perfectly OK. What’s not okay is to tell a Top that you have NO limits just because you don’t know what they are. Be very clear that your limits are uncertain because you haven’t had much experience, but give them a list of things you would like to try and just go very slowly. In the end it’s all about having fun, self-exploration, and growth.

Jennifer Masri is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, specializing in Alternative Lifestyles for individual and relationship issues. She also teaches the BDSM 101 class series at Sanctuary LAX in Los Angeles every Monday evening. Read more about Jennifer on her blog, A Kink Shrink.

BDSM Head space

November 2, 2015 By Simon Blaise 1 Comment

Having a hard time getting into altered head spaces during play?

This article is not for anyone in the community who is happy and healthy with a Labelcentric BDSM Lifestyle, which I respect and support. This article is primarily for those who have never reached an altered head space during play.

Hard time getting into head space?

We hear things around the munches and dungeons all the time, like “submission is a gift, tops don’t bottom, otherwise they would be switches or aren’t true tops, if you don’t figure out your role, no one will want to play with you, and I’m a bottom, so topping is not something I ever want to do,” but do we ever think how these statements truly affect our BDSM experience?

This article is meant to help people understand one of the most challenging obstacles for reaching an altered head space I’ve come across so far.

If you are experiencing trouble with head space, you will likely experience kink like never before if you incorporate some of the following concepts into your life. The primary obstacle to overcome is allowing your heart, genitalia and mind to accept that during play, those people who take on the role of top and dominant are simply “givers” and bottoms and submissives are simply “receivers”. (If you accept this, you can use your name as the label for all other things kinky about yourself.)

Give and receive what?
The giver gives touch, attention, effort, thought, awareness, technique, toys, and experience to name a few – the receiver receives all of what the giver gives as she goes to an altered head space, of which she enjoys on multiple levels, usually feeling healed, recharged and refreshed afterwards. Once a receiver accepts this, her play will do more for her and the giver than she could ever imagine.

Receiver Troubleshooting
Simply put, receivers cannot get into headspace without gratitude and humility in their heart.

If the receiver believes her act of standing there and reacting to impact play is truly a gift to the giver, she will never have the requisite amount of humility or gratitude to get into an altered head space. The more superficially attractive she may be, the harder humility and gratitude will come for her.

When one sees themselves as a gift to another person or otherwise does not humble themselves and feel gratitude for the moment and efforts, they are not opening up their energy, but creating a black hole for which energy is trapped and consumed at the detriment of the giver.

To have gratitude and humility flowing strongly and with determination through your heart is one way to walk the path to becoming more vulnerable and open with a giver. I cannot think of a powerful and meaningful way to open one’s self up to another human being during SM play. If you are having a hard time with gratitude and humility, think about this: Most receivers just want to receive and strongly dislike giving of themselves to the giver in the way givers give. Receivers should be humbled by the fact givers are willing to give to receivers what receivers are not willing to give to givers.

Giver Troubleshooting
When it takes two for SM Magic, there’s a 50% chance you’re not the reason you have a problem with head space.

The Giver’s Ego: Since trust is an important component for getting into an altered head space, givers must tame their ego and be equally grateful and humble towards receivers as a show of strength and control. Givers who haven’t tamed their own ego cannot tame the receiver’s ego enough for her to let go during play. Cocky people are sexy, but not always easy to trust. If you’re a giver, arrogance is a valuable tool to keep women prone to dungeon love at a safe distance.

This is why highly skilled and talented givers with out of control egos are seen as tragic by so many receivers – the giver has everything going for him in the world of impact play, yet nothing to offer the receiver energetically. Givers who continue to give to receivers without getting gratitude back from the receiver eventually suffer spiritual decay and become bitter negative souls unless their reason for giving is purely selfless. This means that most givers thrive on gratitude and find inspiration in a receiver’s humility that gives the giver energy and will to take the receiver to new heights in head space.

Subspace vs. Head Space

If you’re having trouble with reaching different mental states during play, try not calling it “subspace”. The gift and miracle of head spaces has been buried by the term “subspace”. There are so many different kinds of mental states one can reach during play, both giver and receiver, that to call it subspace would be an oversimplification if it were not for the fact the term itself is defective – you don’t have to be a label, in this case “sub”, or be dominant or submissive, to enjoy an altered space brought about with sensations to the body and interaction with the mind.

Conclusion

This may not make sense initially, but if you practice accepting the concepts above and getting your soul closer to a more grateful and humble soul, you will soon have an ah-ha moment right before the most powerful orgasm of your life. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable and open because it’s during those times when you are at your strongest and can grow the most.

Both the giver and receiver need to practice gratitude and humility for SM Magic to happen. One might have a great endorphin rush initially when the ego is present in a scene, but eventually they will find themselves not playing as much once the soul figures out it’s not getting nourished, but fed upon in a destructive way, or at least seems destructive to me since I’ve experienced both sides.

Since his introduction into the BDSM lifestyle in the early 90s, the “Kinkstar” Simon Blaise has shared his passion for BDSM with the world as an international presenter at BDSM/Leather events across the globe for the last 8 years. As an attorney, he has provided probono legal services to members of the BDSM, Leather and LGBT communities for the last 10 years. As a transgender person who lives equally as both a male and a female, he hopes to pave the way for others in our community to feel more comfortable about living authentically and openly. You can learn more about him here.

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