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Rika’s Lair- A Little Insight Into A Submissive Man

May 16, 2020 By Ms. Rika 3 Comments

I hope you have been enjoying Rika’s Lair, my monthly column dedicated to thoughts and experiences regarding power dynamics in Service-Oriented D/s relationships. Look up “Ms. Rika” in the search box for links to all of my articles in KinkWeekly! 

This week, I’m not going to write an article. Rather, I’m going to share a poignant piece of introspection I received from a submissive who was working through some internal conflicts. I found that it gave a very honest and raw look into the mind of a submissive that proved to be enlightening. I hope you find it so, as well. I hope you read it and share your comments, particularly if you relate to the emotion. 

Reproduced anonymously, with permission: 

She left her boots out. 

The blanket chest at the foot of the master bed serves many purposes: Storage, a place to stack folded clothing, and occasionally, a place to put little notes to remind her of things she wants to remember to do. Some days, it’s completely clear, usually on days when I’m due to dust, but this day, the lid showed signs of activity. 

Somewhere between the folded tops, jeans, and workout clothing, she casually left her pair of black Frye riding boots. They stood tall on top of the chest; toes carefully aligned; pointing in parallel to the middle of the room. Their inseam zippers were pulled almost all the way to the top, causing them to sag open, just slightly; low enough to reveal their light brown, worn, leather linings, but high enough to keep the boots erect under their natural weight. 

During the fall, she wears those boots religiously. They look great with her jeans tucked into them and even better over any of her pairs of leather pants. They are the most comfortable pair of boots she’s ever owned. She wears them almost daily, weather permitting. 

I can’t count the number of times I’ve knelt in front her, pulling those boots from her feet and stacking them neatly on the floor in the closet. From time to time, she’d allow me to bury my face into the top of them to breathe in their aroma: Leather and sweet sweat; an intoxicating bouquet that’s a generous gift to anyone like me; a gift for which I’m careful to show my gratitude. 

She left her boots out. 

The boots are never kept out of the closet…and yet, there they were; at waist level; demanding that my eyes lock onto them. 

I felt stirring between my legs and weakness in my knees. My ears got warm and my cheeks flushed. The room faded away as my vision tunneled to the boots. It was a visceral reaction; immediate and completely involuntary. I’ve read that subconscious reaction to visual stimuli is a phenomenon that men experience more than women. It’s something of which I’ve been keenly aware since I was a boy. The fact that anything related to a woman’s sexuality causes my body to involuntarily react in a way that weakens me, only serves to attribute even more power to women, and re-affirms my acknowledgement of submissiveness. 

I gathered my wits about me and overcame my initial excitement. Regaining my composure allowed questions to wash over me: Why did she leave the boots out? Surely, she knew I was going to see them and knew I was going to wonder why she left them there. Did she expect me to do something with them? My mind began to work through the possibilities. 

Perhaps she wanted me to put them away. That idea excited me, since if that was the rationale behind leaving them there, she was doling out a menial task that she easily could have done for herself. How awesome would it be if, instead of just putting them down in the closet, she set them on the cabinet for me find and put away – to “let her slave do that”. She would be demonstrating how completely in tuned and in control of my mind she is, since, not only would she be delegating a menial task, but she’d be forcing me to handle objects that she knows triggers my submissive buttons. She’d be making me handle her footwear…and she knows what that does to me. 

Maybe she just wanted me to kneel before them and kiss them. We don’t have a standing rule where I am to worship her footwear when I see them, but oh, how cool would that be? Perhaps, I should inhale them, as she had let me do in the past. 

Could she just have wanted to tease me…to just leave them there as a means to drive me nuts? Maybe she was aware of how excited the situation would make me and was using this as a means to stoke my libido in preparation for a Tease and Denial session she was planning for later. How mind-blowing would it be if she were playing a long-term game, getting me hot and bothered with different such scenarios throughout the week, until I’d be a begging mass of desperation whenever she chose to give me relief. Maybe those boots would be back in play at that point! 

Or, maybe she wanted me to polish them before I put them away. Oh my, that would add another layer of service-driven excitement to the situation: Not only permitting me to serve her by doing the menial task of storing her boots, but also the demeaning task of cleaning and polishing them! 

Why stop there? Did she want me to lick them clean before polishing them? I’ve done that before. She knows the excitement that the leather soles on those particular boots bring me – and how turned on I get when the leather turns from light to dark brown as my tongue slathers over them. She knows how much I love to tend to the disgusting task of cleaning them. Could she have been expecting me to do that as well? 

She left her boots out. 

I didn’t have any directions, but I had the option of doing ALL of this. Then I found myself wondering if doing any of this would be what she really wanted, or just be fulfilling my own desires. 

It took all of about 10 seconds for these thoughts to rip through my mind. In the end, I decided that any assumption made regarding what she intended, would have been presumptuous and self-serving. None of it would be enjoyable, unless I knew she wanted it. 

I left the boots where they sat. I didn’t touch them, or even smell them. They sat on the cabinet lid for four days until she wore them again. We didn’t discuss it. I’ll never know if I failed a test or if I’m living alone with this fantasy in my head. I’m not sure which is worse…the latter being such a lonely possibility. 

Ms. Rika is a lifestyle dominant, educator, and author; living in the suburbs of NYC with her husband/slave. She has written several popular books on her approach to adding Dominant-Centric, Service-Oriented D/s to relationships. You can find her books (in both print and eBook formats) at Lulu.com (http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/msrika), or at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, the iStore, Books-A- Million, Kobo.com, or anywhere books are sold. Search for “Ms. Rika”. Write to me at Ms_Rika@hotmail.com

Tagged With: bdsm, fetish, kink, M/s, Rika

The Gift Of Kneel

December 15, 2019 By Ms. Rika 3 Comments


I hope you have been enjoying Rika’s Lair, my monthly (and sometimes, more frequent) column dedicated to thoughts and experiences regarding power dynamics in Service-Oriented D/s relationships. Look up “Ms. Rika” in the search box for links to all of my articles in KinkWeekly! 

Last week, I got a note from a man who, with his wife, had read my first book, “Uniquely Rika” as well as my latest, “Uniquely Dominant”. He highlighted the chapter from “Uniquely Rika” called, “Simple Gifts”. Simple gifts are little things a dominant can do that give their subs a quick moment of pleasure, by playing to their personal desires – particularly ones that don’t fall into the dominant’s definition of submission. They are given without provocation or cause and are not considered submission to the dominant. These are easy things done by the dominant, for the submissive. 

From “Uniquely Rika”: 

[Sometimes, the things subs ask for do not match your definition of what serves you…] The good news is that, once you know what they are, you can choose to give them to him, or not. The intent of a gift is found in the context of the Underlying Relationship. You could give them to him even if you weren’t in a D/s-oriented relationship! This is no different from catering to a partner’s fantasies. So, feel free if you like. 

Sometimes a gift can entail a prolonged scene with complex predicaments, however, gifts can also be quick, simple, and easy to give, yet still leave a lasting impression. 

Remember, these are not acts of dominance, these are sub-centric activities. They are ‘Simple Gifts’. 

Simple gifts, by definition, are not elaborate. They can be as quick as making a sub thank you for doing something for you…or can be as seemingly random as making them hold their breath and stand on one leg for as long as you wish…just because you said so. It could be having them do something that you know they enjoy, but you don’t particularly feel serves you. The idea of a simple gift is to let your submissive know that you care about their desires, even if you don’t define those as submission to you. They give the sub a little jolt of excitement, without having to do a whole bunch of stuff yourself. Simple for you, but very effective for them. 

In his note, he told me how his wife had been experimenting with my methodology and had arrived at a definition of submission that served her. They had been practicing the “Routine Task List Exercise” from “Uniquely Rika”, as well as the “Egyptian Pharaoh” exercise from “Uniquely Dominant”. He is spending every moment of the day focused on her and what he can do for her, and loving it. 

What prompted him to write had happened that morning. His wife was putting on her makeup in the bathroom and he was just outside the door folding laundry. Without warning, she turned to him, snapped her fingers, pointed to the ground behind her and said, “Kneel”. He immediately stopped his chores and did as he was instructed, quickly finding himself staring at her behind as she leaned over the sink to get close to the mirror. He loved her backside, particularly kneeling in front of it…and she knew it. She didn’t do anything more to acknowledge him. She just left him there as she continued to work over her makeup. Every once in a while, she’d look over her shoulder at him and softly chuckle before returning to the mirror. 

When she was done, she pushed her butt back a bit until it touched his face. She waited there for a moment. He wrote that he wanted to kiss her ass more than anything in the world at the moment, but she never told him to. She just held it there, in contact for a few seconds, testing his self-discipline. Then she turned to face him and squatted down to run her hand across his crotch. Satisfied that he was sufficiently turned on, she lifted his chin until their eyes met and smiled gently at him before giving him a kiss on the lips. Then she stood up and left the room. He knelt there in the bathroom alone, until she called out to him to rise. Then he went back to finish folding the laundry. 

The rest of his day was a normal day of service. He wrote how invigorated the morning’s events had left him and how much he loved her for showing how much she cares about him. He knew this was a treat designed for him. This wasn’t an act of submission. It was just something she chose to do for him – that she knew he’d enjoy. It took no effort on her part. It wasn’t designed to make him feel more submissive or to serve her better, because he already served her to the best of his ability – it was just a gift from her to him. A single word, “Kneel”, created a complete story of mutual fulfillment, caring, and acknowledgement. He wrote of his gratitude, both to his wife for the treats which she chooses to bestow upon him, and to me, for introducing her to “Simple Gifts”! 

I thought I’d share it this week with you! 

Rika. 

Ms. Rika is a lifestyle dominant, educator, and author; living in the suburbs of NYC with her husband/slave. She has written several popular books on her approach to adding Dominant-Centric, Service-Oriented D/s to relationships. You can find her books (in both print and eBook formats) at Lulu.com (http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/msrika), or at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, the iStore, Books-A- Million, Kobo.com, or anywhere books are sold. Search for “Ms. Rika”.

Tagged With: bdsm, fetish, kink, M/s, Rika

The Initiation of Cora: Part 2

May 7, 2018 By Ernest Greene and Nina Hartley 7 Comments

Red high heels and school cane on wooden background

Click here for Part 1


As always, I was impressed by the size and elegance of the property. It wasn’t really a castle like in the fairy tales. It was more of a huge, sprawling farm built in the style of the late Nineteenth Century at the beginning of the Austrian imperial era.

The building was square, with a sixty-by-eighty-meter inner courtyard. The courtyard was covered in white gravel, which was a beautiful contrast to the dark-green-painted windows, doors, and roof beams. The walls were yellow with white trim. Classic.

Herrmann greeted us with a couple of unnecessary swats and led us into a white-tiled bathroom off the high-ceilinged foyer. We had half an hour to clean up and enjoy the warmth. We helped wash off each other’s feet as best we could and attempted to warm up inside as well with the rum tea they had left for us. Cora was genuinely shocked by the condition of my behind, but I told her to look out for herself instead of worrying about me. I watched her closely. She didn’t have the initiation behind her yet and was basically still a novice. I felt our “greeting,” which she’d had no way to anticipate, was a bit much for someone so new.

Well, that was for The Consigliere and others to decide. Perhaps it was a test and if Cora had failed there would have been no need to go forward with the rest of her initiation. There is a certain freedom that comes from having no say in how things turn out.

Herrmann brought us our clothes. No shoes. Most of the slaves or O’s in The Castle went barefoot. In Sir’s enormous office sat six men. They chatted. Some smoked cigars, drank coffee.

As Herrmann led us in, I did my best to seem calm and collected as I usually am, even though my feet and pussy were in a lot of pain. My tight-fitting dress caused an enormous burning sensation on my ass. Cora came unsteadily along next to me, her eyes full of tears.

“Ah, the ladies. Please have a seat.”

Sir pointed at two chairs. On the huge leather sectional next to Federico and the Consigliere sat three other men, only one of who was familiar.   Oscar was a well-known attorney, politically connected and often in the media. He was considered a likely candidate to take over a position in the ministry of finance. He was arrogant, successful, unapproachable, and to me, unappealing. It was surprising to see him there. As far as I knew he was not a member of The League. His wife was a good-looking woman in her thirties, known for her involvement with various charities. She never missed a party and certainly never a photo op. The other two men seemed to be friends of Oscar, but I’d never seen them before.

I gave Cora a little nudge to open her legs a bit more and made sure to sit up straight. Oscar’s gaze was fixed right between my knees and I opened them a bit more. I knew from looking at them in the bathroom that our pussies were chafed, our vulvas red and swollen. It was certainly a nice view for those who could appreciate its unique features. I tried to make eye contact with Federico, but he was in a quiet conversation with the two unknown men. The Consigliere sat silently observing Cora. Unexpectedly, he got up and stood behind her. He ran his hand softly over her hair and bent down to whisper something in her ear. He spoke with her for about a minute and I could see her begin to calm down. I was unable to hear any of their conversation but whatever he said to her seemed to work.   I was always curious about The Consigliere and I think he may have been curious about me but we never exchanged intimacies other than physically. Federico was Alexander’s best friend from when they were kids and I think that made him a little uneasy with me. There was an attraction between us he saw as a danger to their friendship.

Sir offered us some coffee, sat down and turned to me.

“You were delayed?”

“Yes, first on the Autobahn, then at the gate by Hungarians.”

He looked at me, and nodded straight-faced. Federico grinned slightly.

“I told Herrmann to make you aware of your tardiness.”

“He did. The Hungarians then showed us a bit of the property. We paid for being late.”

“Good. Would you please show us your marks? I would like to know whether my orders were followed correctly.”

“Naturally.”

I stood up on my toes with wide-open legs, pulled my dress up high and spread my lips with two fingers. The future minister’s eyes nearly fell out. The two other men could only stare.

“The swelling is from the rope they put on us for the walk.”

I turned, lifted one foot up, then the other and showed them the soles of my feet.

“This is from walking barefoot over the gravel roads.”

And then I pulled the dress up over my ass.

“Two times, two dozen strokes with a hazelnut switch.”

I turned back around, rearranged my dress and sat down gingerly. I sipped my coffee. The future minister and the two unknown men gazed, bewildered. Federico smiled and The Consigliere stood behind Cora, caressing her hair.

Talk between the men became lively once again and the future minister got busy trying to impress Federico. After about half an hour the gathering came to a close. The two strangers and the future minister said their goodbyes.

“We will definitely be seeing more of each other, beautiful,” Oscar told me, a prospect that held no appeal.

We were alone now with Federico, Franklin and the Consigliere. Sir called Ms. Karmann, who was head of the household staff, on the intercom at his desk and ordered her to get our dresses for tomorrow night. Cora looked at me, puzzled. I had an idea of what kind of dresses he meant.

The Consigliere made his explanation, most of which was familiar to me from previous occasions.

“My dears, Federico, Sir Franklin and I will be participating in a big Soiree near Bratislava tomorrow with both of you. It is a Nuit d’ O, an event with very strict rules following the practices of Roissy. You will both be properly costumed as O’s in skirts and bodices. However, your genitalia and breasts will be exposed and accessible, just like in the book and the film. “At a Soiree like this, every man puts his O at the disposal of all other men present, after some discussion of what will be permitted, of course. You, my lovely Sabrina, will be wearing your red collar, which means anything is allowed. You, dear Cora, will be given a green collar for your initiation. “I will need your consent in this. At any time you may refuse to participate further by using your safeword – deliverance. If you do you will be taken home immediately and never allowed to return. If you choose to remain and undergo the ceremony you will wear the Ring of O and be a full-fledged member of The League. Understood?”

The Consigliere had a knack for making things seem clear and reasonable, though in practice they were often more complicated.

Cora sniffled a bit, and said quietly:

“Yes. I asked for this. I will obey. What do I have to do there?”

“Well, my dear, tomorrow we will be expecting about twenty couples, men with their O’s. They come from all over Europe. Some are very well known people you might have seen under other circumstances. That will not be important here. In addition, there will be six or eight single men in attendance. “Because it will be your initiation you will be the center of attention. You will be presented in the dress of O and the green collar until midnight. That means nobody will be allowed to touch you without my permission.

“At midnight we will proceed with the ceremony. You will be brought to the center of the room completely naked, bound and given five- dozen lashes with the blacksnake over your entire body. “After that, your green collar will be switched out for the red one and you will be entirely at the disposal of all men present. It is required that all in attendance take you at least once, vaginally, anally or orally. Do you understand?”

Cora sat there and looked at the Consigliere, her face gone ashen. I saw her quivering as she glanced over at me.

“Did… you also have to do something like this, Sabrina?”

I nodded.

“Naturally. All of us. Like that, or similar.”

She blinked.

“How… how can I take this, endure something like this? How?”

“You’re not supposed to just take it, or endure it. You’re supposed to enjoy it.”

I remembered what I had been told at my own initiation: “Devotion is not a question of submission. Love, lust, and sometimes simply curiosity will elicit submission. But the woman who devotes herself must also be very strong and sure of her own motives.”

We would soon see if Cora had that strength.

She’d already passed the first test by enduring the punishment I’d brought on both of us. Later she would face a more severe test trial unlike the brutish treatment awaiting our arrival.

I kept it to myself but was of the opinion Cora would not ever become a real O. I saw her as being curious, or perhaps bored with her apparently uneventful marriage. Possibly she’d simply been persuaded by the Consigliere. She would be neither the first nor the last to succumb to his charm. Later, to my surprise, I found out that Cora had pursued him and not the other way around.

Whatever her reasons, I was certain that this beautiful woman was not interested in The League as a thing in itself. She was shocked by the small punishment we had received earlier and visibly shaken by all that followed. If she stayed, she’d look back on this as an easy day.  I wasn’t convinced such a life was right for her but that wasn’t any of my business. She was here of her own accord and been given a safeword like the rest of us that would stop whatever was happening to her instantly and permanently. This was the catch of the safeword. Using it required a very serious decision immediately and under great duress. Once used it would exclude her from The League forever. I was always surprised that none of us ever used ours. I wondered if Cora would be the first.

As always, there were five of us at dinner. Sir Franklin had asked Herrmann and Sica, a small, pudgy, smiling twenty-five year old Italian girl who ruled the kitchen for Sir Franklin and bossed around the huge Herrmann as if he were a schoolboy, to cook an appropriate meal. That meant at least a two-hour affair with nothing less than five courses. That night we got seven. The food was superb, the wine pairing outstanding and the atmosphere almost surreally relaxed, given the circumstances that brought us there. Sir Franklin was a wonderful host, his most important qualification as head of The League. I felt happy and content being with Federico and Alexander, who had been such close friends for so many years they were often thought to be brothers, though there was no family connection between them.

They both told stories of the crazy things they’d done as young men and spoke of their time racing cars. Much laughter filled the room. At some point during dessert the topic of piercings and tattoos came up. There were different opinions on the matter. Personally I don’t care for either of those things on my own body, and said so.

Federico grinned.

“Yeah, that’s true. But I accept it. Otherwise I would have put some rings on her long ago.”

“Practically all of our O’s wear some permanent ornamentation,” Sir Franklin explained.

Sweet Cora was curious.

“What kind of ornamentation?”

Sir Franklin looked at her.

“Normally gold or steel rings on the nipples or sometimes on the labia or clit.”

Her eyes widened.

“On the clit?”

“Yeah. Sylvia, a young lady who was initiated two years ago wears all that plus an additional three rings in each pussy lip by choice. Her pussy can be laced shut so only her ass and mouth are available, something her master enjoys doing to her from time to time.”

Cora puffed out her cheeks.

“I’d like to see that sometime…”

“No problem,” Sir Franklin said.

He rang for Hermann and instructed him to get Sylvia. Cora wanted to know who and where Sylvia was.

Amused, Sir Franklin raised one eyebrow.

“Sylvia is an O who has been with us here while her owner is abroad. She should be hanging from the ceiling in the basement at the moment.”

Before Cora could ask further questions, The Consigliere silenced her with a wave of his hand.

We went on eating and talking, except for Cora who clearly had other things on her mind, until Herrmann returned with Sylvia.

I would have guessed her to be somewhere north of thirty but south of forty, a bit smaller than me. She wore her hair shoulder-length.  She was otherwise completely shaved and, at the moment, completely naked. I’d never met her before but I was aware Sir Franklin had something special planned for her per her absentee owner’s request.  She stood before us in the basic position of presentation: up on her toes with legs wide spread, hands interlocked behind her head.

Sir Franklin pointed at the naked woman with his fork.

“Now, dear Cora, you may take a closer look if you’d like.”

Both of Sylvia’s nipples were pierced with steel bars four centimeters long from each of which dangled a silver horseshoe ring.

Both her outer labia were pierced with four steel rings and her clit was decorated with small garnet studs on a curved bar that went right through the most sensitive spot on her body.

Cora stood up, walked over to Sylvia and asked shyly:

“May I?”

Sylvia’s gaze never left the floor.

“Please, madam. Help yourself to me as you wish.”

I noticed that Sylvia’s backside was webbed with fading marks, evidently traces from her master’s most recent visit. Cora touched the dangling half circles on her nipples.

“How did they do that?”

Sylvia had a pronounced west Austrian dialect, Tirol or perhaps Vorarlberg. She wore a wedding ring, visible on an interlocked hand at the back of her head

“My husband wanted this, and therefore I wanted it as well. It was done here two years ago.”

“Without anesthetic?”

“Some girls have their piercings done after a small injection of Novocain but my husband wanted me to really feel it. I wanted that as well. Unfortunately, I passed out during the clit piercing.”

Cora stared at the woman wide-eyed.

The Consigliere put down his fork and spoke up. I grew increasingly certain of what would happen next.

“Do you like the way they look, Cora?”

Cora turned to her mentor.

“I… yes… it’s all very pretty. I mean, on my… on my private parts it wouldn’t appeal to me. But yes, the nipple rings are very beautiful.”

The Consigliere looked at Franklin and raised an eyebrow.

“Hmmm. Gold would suit her best I think,” he said. “But we should perhaps wait on this until after the initiation. It might be safer.”

Safer than having fresh piercings pulled on, sucked, contaminated with sweat and sperm and possible struck with a whip? I knew the Consigliere would never have permitted such risky behavior involving his new O, but he deferred to Franklin. It was Alexander’s way to give advice and let others give orders.

Cora, still mesmerized, continued to examine Sylvia, oblivious to the conversation.

Cora seemed to amuse Franklin with her wide-eyed amazement at everything she saw. She had a lot to learn, especially concerning how an O was to behave here in The Castle. But she wasn’t an O yet, just a prospect, at least until tomorrow.

Cora ran her fingertips across Sylvia’s nipple again, which went hard instantly.

Sylvia answered quietly without looking up.

“Does it make them more sensitive,” Cora asked.

“Very much so, madam. And my clit as well. The slightest friction down there makes me wet so I am most of the time.

The Consigliere laughed.

“Cora’s wet all the time anyway.”

Cora, who had obviously been with girls before, stroked the little jeweled bar lightly, then traced a fingertip between Sylvia’s labia. A shudder rippled through Sylvia’s body and her eyelids fluttered down.

Cora looked over at Alexander, who shrugged.

“We can always have it done later if you change your mind,” he said calmly. You can sit down now.”

Sylvia spoke again softly.

“Excuse me, gentlemen, but I would very much like some of your sperm. May I?”

Federico and Alexander nodded. Sir Franklin gave his permission. Sylvia got down on all fours and disappeared under the table.

I felt a bit cocky as the most senior O present.

“And me? Can she also pleasure me?”

Sir Franklin laughed.

“Of course! Sylvia, did you catch that, Sylvia?”

She already had Federico’s cock in her mouth and all we heard was “Mmmmhhhhmmm.”

After Sylvia finished under the table she was led away by Herrmann. She had also visited Cora and me with her tongue, lips and fingertips, demonstrating admirable technique with women as well as men.

Cora, the obedient wife of Albert, son of the rich owner of a printing company, reached down and pulled Sylvia by the hair. Cora’s legs shot out to the sides and she braced herself on the sides of the chair. A few minutes of wet sucking noises from Sylvia’s labors and Cora went stiff, letting out a surprisingly loud howl Looking at the impressed faces of Alexander, Federico and Sir Franklin.

At a gesture from Franklin Herrmann ushered Sylvia out of the room but not before the naked girl could give us all a proper curtsy and thank us for using her. Cora watched her follow Herrmann out, her footsteps light as a dancer’s. Yes, Cora had a lot to learn and she was beginning to realize it.

I had no doubt tomorrow night’s initiation would be memorable in all respects.

Not far from Bratislava, Slovakia

The dark Mercedes Vito with the tinted windows rolled up to the border near Bratislava. I couldn’t help wondering how the customs officers would react to what we weren’t wearing if we were stopped or were made to get out of the vehicle. The formal clothing of O that we wore for Cora’s initiation was beautiful and elaborate, made from heavy silk, though not much of it. If we removed our hooded cloaks Cora, Daniela, and I would have been practically naked.

Cora wore golden sandals held on her feet by very thin straps beginning at the instep and tied up around the ankle. I had received the same in silver. It wasn’t easy to walk in them but walking was not our purpose.

Cora’s dress had been made up in warm brown tones. The flowing skirt was a bit lighter than the brown bodice, which tied in the back and lifted her breasts just enough to display them perfectly, new gold rings glittering in the muted lighting of the car’s interior. Our skirts were slit in the front and back, held together by five-centimeter waistbands. They were designed so the sides could be flipped up and fastened at the waist with a button to provide unobstructed access to our intimate anatomies. Our breasts were fully exposed. My bodice was grey and my skirt was black. Daniela’s “uniform,” was identical but all in white. She wore very high peep-toes instead of sandals. Daniela was an O from Italy. She lived in The Castle with Sir Franklin and served next to Ms. Karmann as his personal secretary. A little taller than most, Daniela was slender, with small but firm breasts and perpetually erect nipples. Her dark hair fell just past her shoulders. She had a very pretty face, despite somewhat sharp features, that men enjoyed getting messy. Our makeup was subtle but our nails were painted a bright red, high and low. Cora and I both wore rings on our second toes. Hers was gold, and mine silver. I wore a ring, just like Daniela, on my pointer finger. It was the ring of O, a simple flat silver band with a small ring attached to it.

All three of us had our hair up and fastened with gold or silver barrettes. Cora’s big, beautiful nipples were swollen and looked tender from Herrmann’s needlework.  I was still rankled by Federico’s indifference to my concerns about them, but I understood that this was just his way. Other people’s concerns weren’t his.

We crossed the border without being stopped at all. Herrmann seemed to know Bratislava well. He steered the Vito confidently through the city. The Consigliere sat in the passenger seat next to him. The girls occupied the middle row while Federico and Sir Franklin lounged in the back.

Daniela had been scooting around in her seat for the longest time and these bumpy streets weren’t helping one bit.

“I have to pee. Please.”

This was probably going to get interesting.

Hermann whispered something to the Consigliere, and both of them laughed. Alexander turned around towards us.

“If you can’t take it anymore my dear, Herrmann knows somewhere where you can relieve yourself.” Daniela nodded and then looked out the window. Her face turned red. She knew what little dare was about to present itself. Sir Franklin spoke up from the back.

“Herrmann, are you thinking what I’m thinking?”

“Yes, Sir Franklin. If you don’t mind?”

Sir Franklin laughed quietly. “Of course. But please watch out for my girl, okay? We don’t want to get stopped and be delayed because she can’t contain her bladder.”

Herrmann promised to make sure it wouldn’t happen.  Daniela and I exchanged a look, imagining what humiliation they had in mind for her.

Daniela and I had only seen each other at The Castle two or three times. She was legendary for always participating in the hunts, a thing I had never done, nor did I plan to do.  She’d tried it four times and always lost, not a record I cared to best. After the second time she had to realize she would always get caught. I assumed she preferred it that way, which was a significant difference between us. The O’s of The Castle were ordinarily expected to accede to everything their Mentors requested of them but the hunts were an exception – hazardous duty and strictly for volunteers. Of course, occasionally a Mentor or member, of the hundreds of whom only twenty held Mentor status, would request that a woman he brought into The League take part in a hunt, but nobody could make this a command. The hunts were the hardest and most brutal challenge any of us would face. Most of the women participated initially hoping to elude the hunters and collect a very substantial reward. That wasn’t how things usually went.

The task seemed simple enough, if also utterly terrifying. The woman would be set out naked somewhere in the wilderness. Owing to the presence of a few high-ranking Austrian, Italian, German, Hungarian, Czech, and Slovakian officers in the community of societees the cruel game was often played on military training grounds. The hunted girl was given a map and a target destination she had to reach before being captured.

The size of the all-male hunting parties depended upon how many enthusiasts were available and how many were willing to contribute to the cost. Every participant had to put up a hefty sum. A bit of the money paid for expenses, but the rest went to the woman if she won. The prize was generally in the neighborhood of ten thousand euro, a nice neighborhood by almost anyone’s definition.

But to win she had to make it to the protected zone on the map, the location of which was unknown to the hunters so they couldn’t just wait around for her to show up there. Sometimes, as a special incentive, checkpoints were added to the map.  At the checkpoints there were stamps she would apply to her forearm. Every checkpoint stamp carried an added financial bonus if she escaped to collect it.

The woman got a sixty-minute head start. Normally the time limit to reach the target was twelve hours. For a naked woman, shoeless and without supplies of any kind in a harsh environment this was obviously quite a task.

If she wasn’t able to reach the target in time or if the men caught up with her, she was in serious trouble. Though the hunters didn’t communicate with each other during the search, if one of them found their prey the others were called together. Usually the girl would be whipped right where they found her. The hunters were also free to fuck her in every orifice. For the next twenty-four hours she was theirs to do with as they pleased. There were no boundaries and no rules about passing her on to others. It was very cruel sport. Alexander considered it barbaric and would not permit any of the O’s he mentored to participate.

Nevertheless, there were always women who took the bait. Supposedly the payout for winning was the lure, but I suspect some had additional motives. The lovely Daniela must have found the experience rewarding in some other way, as she never won a single euro in all her attempts.

I’m unsure of every detail, but rumor had it she was openly whipped in a remote border town and raped by every man there who wanted her, not as rare an event as one might suppose, as I later found out to my everlasting sorrow. There was even talk about forced sodomy with hunting dogs. Sir Franklin was silent on the subject but there were a few “meetings,” some apparently quite heated, with all the Mentors following Daniela’s hunt. Alexander prevailed that time and no League girls were hunted thereafter, or at least that was the official story.

Click here for Part 3

About the Authors:

Ernest Greene is the author of the well-renowned novel for Daedalus Publishing, Master of O, reinventing the BDSM classic Story of O set in modern Los Angeles and told from the master’s point of view. His previous work includes co-authoring Coming Attractions, the Making of an X-Rated Video with Dr. Robert Stoller (Yale University Press, 1989) and shared credit with his spouse, Nina Hartley on Nina Hartley’s Guide to Total Sex (2006), from Avery Press, a division of USA Penguin Group.

Greene is a longtime member of the Los Angeles BDSM community, joining Threshold when it was still an affiliate of The Society of Janus. He served six terms as Threshold coordinator between 1989 and 1995. He continued to do orientations for new members thereafter and participated in numerous outreaches to academic groups.

Since 1985, Greene has concentrated his efforts mainly in adult entertainment and adult sex education, serving as Executive Editor of the best-selling fetish magazine Hustler’s Taboo since 1999 and most recently as Chief Associate Editor for Hustler’s All-Sex issues.

Ernest Greene, has participated in the production of adult video for three decades as a performer, writer, director and producer. His body of work comprises over five hundred titles, including AVN award winners Strictly for Pleasure, Mask of Innocence, Tristan Taormino’s Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women and Jenna Loves Pain. With his wife, Nina Hartley, he has served as producer and director of the Nina Hartley’s Guide series of adult sex education programs for video market leader Adam&Eve Pictures. The series has sold over three quarters of a million videos to date and now comprises forty titles. His own erotic features for Adam&Eve, O – The Power of Submission, Surrender of O and The Truth About O have thus far seen sales nearing 100,000 units, making them among the biggest selling X-rated feature titles in recent years.

Greene is particularly well known for his groundbreaking approach to the presentation of unconventional sexuality related to consensual domination and submission. He has been active in the BDSM community for nearly thirty years, conducting workshops and seminars and serving as an officer of community groups. He is a retired six-term coordinator of Threshold, Southern California’s oldest active pansexual BDSM organization.  His activism also extends to the world of adult video production, where he held the position of chairman of the board of directors of The Adult Industry Medical Healthcare Foundation (AIM) for seven years and to his commentaries on the adult industry Blog for Pro-Porn Activism.

Nina Hartley is a pioneering feminist sex  worker, using her body in the service of promoting a sexually sane and literate society. She is thrilled to see a new generation of sex-positive performer/activists take its space and spread the good news about sex. Active as a performer since 1982, her rock-solid commitment to the importance of sexual autonomy has fueled Ms. Hartley’s career in adult entertainment. As a performer, director, writer, educator, public speaker, and feminist thinker for all, no matter their orientation, she’s traveled the world to deliver her message. She believes that sexual freedom is a fundamental human right and welcomes the new social media opportunities for spreading her message of knowledge and empowerment to the widest number of people. She’s the author of, “Nina Hartley’s Guide to Total Sex,” from Avery Press. Putting to use her B.S. degree in nursing, she and her husband, Ernest Greene, have produced the million-selling sex-ed video series collectively known as  “The Nina Hartley Guides,” from Adam & Eve, currently in its 38th episode.  Still active in front of the camera, she and her husband live in Los Angeles.

Ernest’s Website: masterofo.com

Tagged With: bdsm, consent, D/s, ernest greene, kink, M/s, Nina Hartley, The Story of O, The Truth About O

M/s and Love

March 19, 2018 By slave_bunny 7 Comments

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There have been huge debates within the community about whether love belongs with M/s relationships and/or whether love promotes health and happiness within the M/s dynamic.

In my opinion, no matter what kind of dynamic and/or relationship you have there should be some kind of love there. To me, love is the reason that we voluntarily do anything. With this being said, there are a lot of different kinds of love one could have within their dynamics, not just romantic/sexual love.

There are four main types of love that I have learned over the years (mostly taught to me by Robert Rubel in his Master/slave Mastery-Advanced Refining the fire-Ideas that matter book).

  • Agape– known as “spiritual love.” This type of love typically refers to unconditional love. This is usually voluntary or “a choice to love.” This type of love is mostly concerned with a mental kind of love or love of one’s intelligence. Rubel describes it as “one’s love of the spirit within another person.”
  • Eros– known as romantic love. This type of love can be referred to as lust. Rubel says that this type of love is “pure emotion without the balance of logic.” This type of love can be fleeting.
  • Phila– known as “friendship love.” Rubel states that “this form of love includes loyalty to friends, family, and community, and requires virtue, equality, and familiarity.”
  • Storge– the kind of love experienced by parents for their offspring. A parental/familial love.

I truly feel that not only do you need some kind of love to make a healthy M/s dynamic, but all parties involved need to be able to receive the kind of love they need. For example, if a slave has Eros for their Master, and they need to receive that kind of love back, and their Master only has friendship love for them, then both parties will be expecting/wanting a certain type of behavior/relationship structure that will be hard to obtain for the long term since these two people’s needs/expectations contradict one another. One could bend to their partner’s needs and negate their own needs, but in my opinion, M/s is most successful when all parties’ needs are being met by one dynamic structure consistently.

On a further note, some kind of love is very important for a dynamic because it promotes some kind of care and devotion which is so needed for M/s to thrive. It is also possible to have multiple kinds of love in one dynamic. Again, as long as they are the combo involves all needs being met.

Love can often be determined by one’s wants/needs. Someone may want a slave that is only a friend because they feel that they as a Master cannot govern the slave appropriately if love is involved. Another Master may want to have solely Storge to create a Big/little dynamic. Another Master may only want Eros so he/she can solely have a slave that they consensually use for play or sex. Eros or agape might be off the table because of the Master’s or slave’s unwillingness to be intimate or completely vulnerable with another person (which sex and/or unconditional love often requires).

I think it’s important to talk about wants and needs before you begin a dynamic, to make sure that everyone’s needs will be met by the dynamic. Expectations and love that one feels/can offer/wants should be made clear in this conversation too. After it is made known that everyone is on the same page and everyone’s needs can be healthily met, then the dynamic can continue developing their specific structure that fits with their wants, needs, and type of love.

I also want to make it clear that one person does not have to meet all your needs in M/s. One person could, but they do not have to. All that truly matters is that you are on the same page when it comes to the kind of love you need to or want to receive from your partner, and your partner is genuinely willing to give you the kind of love you require.

For example a Master could have a slave that they have Phila for, while they have another slave that they have Eros for. Different people can satisfy different needs of the same individual simultaneously. Most people crave both friendship and passion, so there’s no harm in splitting those needs between multiple people as long as it is consensual for all involved.

On a further note, it is possible to have a slave that requires Eros, and a Master that requires Phila, but both are willing to give the kind of love that their partner needs. This is a probable scenario, but I am under the impression that it is best if all parties involved experience the same kind of love or combo of love for the other. In my opinion, this will make the dynamic more genuine and healthy long term in regards to needs being met.

By stating all of these examples, I am merely presenting all various scenarios that could happen regarding love and needs. In my opinion some are better choices than others as I have outlined above.

I truly feel that M/s without some kind of love would feel hollow and void of something. Even if you have a service slave I think the Master still needs to care for them to some degree. M/s is centered around communication, hard work, and transparency. It would be really hard to have these things if you can’t stand the person you are in an M/s dynamic with.

No matter what kind of M/s relationship you have, it’s got to excite you to some degree, there has to be some kind of  glue that binds you and keeps you coming back, or why do it? And that glue, at least to me, is some kind of love.

I hope this article has helped you to further strengthen your M/s dynamic(s). Talking about wants and needs is so paramount, and I hope this article presented another facet of needs that can be talked about with your partners. As always feel free to comment and ask questions. Thanks for reading and stay tuned!

About the Author:

Slave Bunny, a 1950’s power slave, is involved in a wonderful and loving TPE 24/7 M/S relationship with her Master and husband. She is also the Creative Director of Kink Weekly.

She has dedicated her life to working on herself mentally, spiritually, and physically, and hopes to inspire others to do the same. Through teaching and mentoring, she hopes to help everyone in the Kink community as much as she can.

Feel free to add her on Fetlife (Slave_Bunny992) to see her upcoming workshops and classes.

 

Tagged With: love, M/s, master, slave

The Recipe for Imparted Presence

March 5, 2018 By slave_bunny 4 Comments

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Hi everyone! I am writing this article to educate readers about one of the most essential things needed (in my opinion) to have a long-term 24/7 power exchange relationship.

A lot of people believe that M/s relationships are about micro-management leading to macro-management. What I mean by this is that at the beginning of a dynamic and/or during training phrases, the slave may have to be more micromanaged, given more direction, told step by step what to do/what is expected of them, the Master may have to check every detail/step to make sure things are done correctly, etc.

There is nothing wrong with this, and if a dynamic wanted to keep being micro-managed that is completely okay (as long as the dynamic is not based on fear or distrust). Please note, power exchange dynamics should never be based on fear or distrust. Power exchange dynamics should promote a sense of safety and trust for all involved, and these two things should flourish as time goes on. If this is not happening, and someone is repeatedly distrusting of their partner, then some changes should be made to remedy these things.

Some s types do not wish to stay micro-managed forever, and some D types do not wish to micromanage long term either. Some D types hope to equip their s types with enough skills, training, knowledge, etc (over time) to carry out their will effortlessly without having to give them specific step by step instructions for every single order or task. I am in NO WAY saying that D types shouldn’t take an active role or check in with their s types. They ALWAYS should. What I am saying is that some D types (after proper training has been done) expect that they can trust their s type to accomplish what they asked and in the manner they want said task done without so much supervision and oversight.

It’s kind of a like a parent who raises a child and as the child grows and proves they are becoming more competent, their parent tries to oversee them less because the parent trusts they will follow the parent’s rules and will live up to the parent’s expectations.

Power exchange relationships can be very similar in this regard. It really comes down to how much trust has been built in a power exchange dynamic for the D type to lessen their oversight.

One way for trust to grow within the D type for the s type is imparted presence. Imparted presence happens when the s type has been adequately trained, has developed trust for their D type, when they know their D type really well- the D type’s wants, needs, preferences, expectations,etc., when they know how the D type would go about doing something, when they know how the D type expects the s type to behave in many different settings, when they know how the D type handles most situations/wants them to handle most situations etc. After these things have been accomplished and clearly communicated, the s type can then begin to develop imparted presence. In short, this type of presence requires the s type essentially having the D type “in their head” even when the D type isn’t around. When this occurs, the s type is able to behave how their D type wishes (whether the D type is around or not) without a direct order from their D type and without the D type governing the s type’s behavior directly.

Essentially, the s type has been so well trained that the D type is now “a part of” the s type and their decision making process.The s type and D type have become one to some degree and the s type feels he/she is connected to their D type mentally.

Many people feel that M/s is all about the s type and D type becoming one and some put a lot of emphasis on acquiring imparted presence.

However, imparted presence can be a goal for any kind of dynamic.

I can tell you from personal experience that having imparted presence has made my Master’s and my life a lot easier. Imparted presence has allowed my Master to have more faith in me as his slave and also allows him to spend less time overseeing things. After years of being together, there are plenty of things that he used to have to heavily supervise that now he just knows I can do and occasionally checks in with to make sure things are still going smoothly.

This being said there are still a lot of new things that come up as life changes that I have to be trained on that I do not have imparted presence with yet. And that’s completely okay. There are always going to be new things that need to be implemented and trained. That’s a fact of life.

What I am trying to say is that just because at a particular time a sub has imparted presence on all protocols, doesn’t mean that they always will. In my opinion, a healthy relationship requires constant modification and implementing new things as times change.

Also, on a further note, imparted presence takes time, patience, adequate training, and a lot of work for all involved. It comes from having a very solid foundation, and being able to communicate clearly and effectively.

These things are the true recipe for imparted presence.

In short,

Imparted Presence = Effective/Communication Regarding Expectations, Protocols, Etc.

+

Adequate Training

+

Patience

+

Time

+

Solid Foundation

+

S Type Being Committed to Following Their D Type’s Will

If all of these things are done properly, it would be very easy for any s type to achieve imparted presence if that is one of the goals of their dynamic.

Again, it does not have to be, and a dynamic can exist very well without it. I am merely providing one possible goal for any dynamic that wishes to have less supervision as times goes on.

As always, please feel free to ask questions and comment. Thanks for reading and stay tuned!

About the Author:

Slave Bunny, a 1950’s power slave, is involved in a wonderful and loving TPE 24/7 M/S relationship with her Master and husband. She is also the Creative Director of Kink Weekly.

She has dedicated her life to working on herself mentally, spiritually, and physically, and hopes to inspire others to do the same. Through teaching and mentoring, she hopes to help everyone in the Kink community as much as she can.

Feel free to add her on Fetlife (Slave_Bunny992) to see her upcoming workshops and classes.

 

Tagged With: 24/7, D/s, M/s, power exchange

The How’s and Why’s of 1950’s Power Exchange Dynamics

January 22, 2018 By slave_bunny 1 Comment

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In honor of my 1950’s classes coming up (Jan 22 at Sanctuary and Feb 10 at Threshold) I wanted to write an article that shows the Kink community how one can keep the 1950’s alive no matter what your lifestyle entails, and the positives that go along with 1950’s power exchange dynamics. One might think that a 1950’s dynamic is only possible if you are a heterosexual, married couple due to the Ward and June Cleaver stereotype. I hope I can show you otherwise.

A traditional 1950’s 24/7 M/s or D/s home is usually where the Master/Dom holds all/most of the power, is the main decision maker, and is usually the breadwinner. The sub in this kind of dynamic is usually the homemaker (takes care of the home, family, kids, Master, etc.). However, this structure can be heavily modified to fit the needs of your household.

To many of you this may sound outdated, but hopefully after explaining what you can gain from this kind of dynamic you will begin to think of 1950’s dynamics differently.

Benefits

There are many benefits to having a 1950’s dynamic and/or implementing some facet of the 1950’s into your life. The first that comes to mind is the structure of the 50’s provides very clear- cut roles and responsibilities for both the Dom and sub.

The breadwinner/homemaker dynamic has been modeled for us time and time again by our parents, grandparents, and TV/film. Most people have some idea of what the 50’s stood for and have a clear picture in their heads of what the breadwinner/homemaker dynamic usually looked like during this time. This creates a very solid foundation for us to base our dynamics off of.

Another benefit is that one can escape modern society to a certain degree. The 1950’s were about families spending time together, eating dinner together, etc. Family dinners and family outings could be implemented to keep everyone connected to one another. One could also implement protocols that limit technology during these times. All of these things will bring those in the house closer together and help strengthen the bonds between everyone involved.

If you are living in a traditional 1950’s household (where the Dom/Master is the breadwinner and the sub/slave is the homemaker) the Master/Dom (since the sub/slave is taking care of the house, kids, family, etc.) has more time to focus on whatever they wish such as their career, the future, etc. The slave/sub no longer has to worry about having to work and can focus more on hobbies and interests. The slave/sub is essentially free of making big life decisions such as 41 k’s and stocks.

How To Keep The 1950’s Alive

There are three main ways that I know of to keep the 1950’s alive. I’m sure there are more; I am just writing about the ways I am familiar with. Feel free to mix and match these; it’s entirely up to you.

The first is the look of the 1950’s. You can be single or attached to implement this. The look of the 50’s would include everything from 50’s clothes to entertainment to transportation to housewares, etc. It would entail capturing the aesthetic of the era in one way or another.

The second is the feeling of the 1950’s. The 1950’s were thought of as being wholesome, good-natured, and innocent. Men were gentlemen and women were lady-like. Everyone knew their roles and performed their daily tasks to the best of their ability. Handouts were never expected, and people were very appreciative of what they were given including discipline. Many different types of protocols can be used to keep these things present. Below are just a few examples.

The 1950’s were very much about roles. So, whatever your role is in your household, it would be very “1950’s” to define them clearly and be consistent with them.

Polite language protocols could also be implemented to further enforce the feeling of the 1950’s such as always saying “yes, sir” and “yes ma’am” instead of saying “yeah.”

Discipline/spankings were commonplace in the 1950’s. Ads and movies were filled with men spanking women during this time. Spankings were acceptable as long as they weren’t degrading or abusive. Disciplinary spankings could be something you could begin using to add a little 50’s flare to your life.

However, if you engage in spanking for play and use it for discipline please make sure the two are very different. Spanking for discipline should have an adverse effect without being abusive or crossing any hard limits. My Master and I have certain implements for kinky spankings and certain implements for discipline spankings. My discipline implement is a wooden ruler, which gives me no sexual pleasure. My kinky spanking instrument is a paddle which I enjoy very much. Bottom line, just make sure that the spanking for discipline does not turn into play or anything sexual. It should serve its purpose of disciplining the individual.

The third is the relationship style/household structure of the 50’s. This is the “traditional 1950’s” M/s and/or D/s that I was referring to earlier in the article.

Please note, I fully realize that most people cannot live off only one income. I am merely stating the relationship style/household structure that most closely resembles the norm of the 1950’s. This structure can be modified to better suit one’s lifestyle in 2018. It is completely possible for all parties in a household to work full time and still have a 1950’s dynamic to some degree. Many people may only wish to engage in 1950’s roleplay. Some common practices of the 1950’s that would be great for roleplay include heavy petty, bondage, teasing, rubber underwear, and spanking.

Relationship Types 

There are also three basic relationship types that resemble those of the 1950’s. Again, feel free to mix and match these. These all resemble the traditional structure of the 1950’s in one way or another, but can be applied to any gender, lifestyle, or sexual orientation.

The first is called Taken in Hand. This is where the Head of Household (HoH) holds all/most of the power in the home. The HoH makes their relationship their top priority. The HoH makes decisions only with their submissive’s best interest in mind. The people in this type of dynamic are usually married and monogamous, but these are not pre-requisites.

The second is called 1950’s M/S. This type of dynamic is where the Master holds all/most of the power. In this type of relationship, the Master can make decisions that suit solely their needs, and they do not need to justify their choices to their slave(s). S/M scenes, rituals, contracts, rules, protocols, discipline, and spanking (in a disciplinary and/or kinky way) can be used. The people in this type of dynamic are usually unmarried and non-monogamous, but again these are not pre-requisites.

The third is called Domestic Discipline. In this type of dynamic there is again a Head of Household who holds all/most of the power and makes all/most decisions for their household. In this type of relationship, the sub would receive spankings and/or corner time (time out) for infractions. Maintenance spankings could also be given. These are spankings given not for discipline, but just to reinforce the Head of Household’s place of power within the relationship. The Head of Household also can give positive reinforcement to their sub for a job well done.

As one can see, there are so many ways to live a 1950’s-esque lifestyle. I hope this has given readers ideas on how to implement the 1950’s into your home, and the joy it can bring you and everyone in your household. Please feel free to comment and ask questions.

As always, thanks for reading and stay tuned!

About the Author:

Slave Bunny, a 1950’s power slave, is involved in a wonderful and loving TPE 24/7 M/S relationship with her Master and husband. She is also the Creative Director of Kink Weekly.

She has dedicated her life to working on herself mentally, spiritually, and physically, and hopes to inspire others to do the same. Through teaching and mentoring, she hopes to help everyone in the Kink community as much as she can.

Feel free to add her on Fetlife (Slave_Bunny992) to see her upcoming workshops and classes.

 

Tagged With: 1950s, 50s, bdsm, D/s, domestic, hot wife, house wife, M/s

Part 4: How Slavery Can Reduce Anxiety

January 9, 2018 By slave_bunny Leave a Comment

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Thank you to everyone that has been following my reduction of anxiety series. (If you’ve missed any parts of this series you may read them here: Part I, Part 2, Part 3). As promised, I am going to finish this series by going into a very specific type of slave training, meditation, subspace, and some assignments my Master has given me.

Training your slave to get into a calmer state via action or stimulus can be a very useful tool. For example, my Master has trained me to say, “Master loves me and everything is okay” when he puts his hand on my cheek.

This took a few months for me to do innately without any cues. He first told me the phrase he would like me to say when he puts his hand on my cheek. Then he showed me exactly what he meant by him “putting his hand on my cheek.”

After this, at least daily, he tested me on this. In the beginning my words would come out almost robotic. What I was saying wasn’t really calming me down probably due to the fact that I was trying to make sure I remembered to say the phrase my Master wanted me to.

After a while, once his words became ingrained in me, I began to believe the words that I was saying, and I was instantly less stressed when his palm touched my cheek.

This protocol provides another way for my Master to show he cares about my anxiety, gives me time to pause, and a moment to seek solace in my Master’s touch. It provides a way for us to feel connected when anxiety often makes me feel so alone. It re-establishes as often as needed that we are fighting my anxiety together.

He often has asked me to kneel before putting his hand on my cheek, which reinforces our dynamic even more.

I strongly recommend anyone in a power exchange relationship (that deals with anxiety) to talk with your significant other(s) about training that could be done to reduce anxiety and induce an instant calmness.

Also, don’t be discouraged if the training doesn’t work right away. As you can see from my story, it often takes some time for what is being enforced to have any kind of positive effect.

You could train via words, actions, objects, or a combination of any of these. The point is to find something that will have a calming effect and reinforce the dynamic.

We also use meditation a lot in our home. My Master will often tell me to meditate on my collar in times of stress. I so enjoy the five minutes where I can ruminate on my wonderful collar and what being my Master’s slave means to me. I also take this time to be grateful for my Master for all that he has done for me and continues to do for me. Touching my collar often helps because it connects an idea with something tangible, which for me, is quite soothing.

Meditation on such important things helps to put things in perspective, and puts the brakes on my scattered anxiety-ridden brain. It helps me to see how much I was catastrophizing and what is really important/ worth focusing on.

Everyone has a sense or two that resonates with them more than the others. Mine is touch. Someone else’s might be smell. Maybe when your s type is stressed you train him or her to plug in their favorite smelling candle, and sit and meditate while the smell of the candle helps to calm them.

Cold things used to be calming for me. I used to run my hands under cold water or touch cold metal.

Find what best works for your s type, and find creative ways to incorporate them as much as possible.

Subspace is also extremely stress-reducing. For me, it is my calmest state. When I get into this state, my Master tells me he takes the opportunity to tell me very positive and sweet things about myself. It has been told to us that subspace is a great time to reinforce self- esteem (which when out of this state can reduce overall stress). My Master also tells me that he holds and kisses me when I am in subspace. He often commands me to get out of subspace and I listen. Other times, he waits patiently for me to get out of it on my own. He decides based on whatever is best for me.

I always get out of subspace feeling refreshed and calm. When I am in subspace it feels as if I am floating. It is such a freeing feeling, and I don’t experience anything like it any other time.

If you do not wish to enter into subspace, please listen to what your body and mind are telling you. I am only making a suggestion based on my experience. Subspace is something you should only enter into when you are ready and in a safe and trusted environment.

Finally, my Master has given me a lot of assignments to help me cope with my anxiety. He has asked me write a list of twenty positive things about myself. He has also asked me to write a forgiveness letter to myself and to my family. He has had me complete anxiety and worry workbooks. He has told me to compile a list of all the things that I do not need to worry about.  I have also been assigned CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) assignments based on exaggerated and aberrated worries. These are just a few assignments that he has given me, and they have all been extremely helpful. I am happy to explain them in more detail if any of you are interested.

I hope this has given you all plenty of ideas on how to deal with anxiety. I know these may not work for everyone. I am just writing about things I have personally found helpful. My goal for this series was to spark conversations in all readers’ households (on how to better tackle this issue that plagues so many of us). As always, please feel free to comment and ask me any questions you might have. Thanks for reading!

About the Author:

Slave Bunny, a 1950’s power slave, is involved in a wonderful and loving TPE 24/7 M/S relationship with her Master and husband. She is also the Creative Director of Kink Weekly.

She has dedicated her life to working on herself mentally, spiritually, and physically, and hopes to inspire others to do the same. Through teaching and mentoring, she hopes to help everyone in the Kink community as much as she can.

Feel free to add her on Fetlife (Slave_Bunny992) to see her upcoming workshops and classes.

 

Tagged With: anxiety, bdsm, D/s, M/s, master, slave

The Punishment Manual – Part I

January 9, 2018 By Baadmaster 5 Comments

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Most D/s articles on the Internet talk about punishment in terms of spanking. “If you do not obey, I will spank you.” But how does this work if the submissive or slave actually likes to be spanked? Here we will catalogue punishments you can actually use in the real time training of a slave/submissive. This will be one of my longest articles. But I wanted to start the year off with as complete a guide to punishment as possible.
First, some basic punishment principles. It is always important to match the punishment to the infraction. Let the punishment fit the crime. When a minor infraction gets a major punishment, you are sending the wrong signal. Try to administer punishment as closely as possible to the time of the violation. In this way the sub/slave will not only be properly and predictably disciplined, but will also respect his/her Dominant. Never let a punishment cause injury. Never, ever use a hard limit as a punishment. And, finally, always start the punishment with a lecture/explanation. (This will be more fully explained in Part II).

There is a debate as to whether punishment sessions should have safe words. In the year 2018, with all these winds of social change, I would say ALWAYS have a safe word for every session. Period.
There is also the question as to whether punishment is necessary in the training of a sub/slave at all. There is no rule that says there must be punishment in a Master/slave or Dom/sub relationship. I can envision a slave so instinctual he/she needs no punishment to serve flawlessly. Surely some subs/slaves can respond perfectly to praise or disapproval alone. Different (flogger) strokes for different folks. But as The Punishment Manual is intended only for those Dom/mes who use punishment as an integral part of their training, the point is moot.
There are two sides to the discipline coin – physical punishment and mental punishment. I have found that a balanced combination of both physical and mental punishment, along with praise, to be the most effective way to train a submissive or slave.
What follows are specific punishments that can be used effectively in the training of a sub/slave. I used many of them myself. Here is Part I – the “Physical Punishments” section.

PHYSICAL PUNISHMENTS

  1. Find the “butt-beating” implement that your submissive dislikes. If he/she hates the paddle, cane or a particular flogger in your collection, use it. Look no further, you have found the perfect tool of discipline. When your submissive or slave commits an infraction that requires punishment, bring out the paddle or cane (or whatever implement is on the sub’s “un-wish” list) and administer punishment.
    But keep out wary eye out for signs that the submissive is actually enjoying the “punishment.” Make sure you do not let the submissive get into subspace. If you see the submissive hitting “space,” stop. And tell the submissive why you are stopping.
    Clever “bratty” subs have been known to misbehave in order to get a good beating. This might be fine for role-play or scening, but is counter-productive if you are seriously trying to train a submissive or slave. If this is the case, switch to another form of punishment.
  2. Hair pulling is a great way to get your point across. Especially when verbal disapproval accompanies this action. A good hair pulling session with a “what did you do wrong” question and response routine is awfully effective.
  3. A very popular punishment for a mouthy submissive is the age-old one of washing the mouth out with soap. This has worked for the last hundred years and will probably work for a hundred more!
  4. “Sensory Deprivation” is perhaps the single most “unforgettable” punishment a Master/Mistress/Dom/Domme can mete out. Being tied and left alone – especially when ballgagged and even blindfolded — for a period of time is another punishment the submissive will not soon forget! In this technology era, a camera should be observing the submissive. And the Dom/me should be monitoring the camera on the cell phone at all times for any signs of distress or the safe word.
  5. “Corporal Punishment” is a combination punishment – it encompasses both the physical and mental side. This corporal punishment “script” can be altered in many ways – but the major point is the question and response during the punishment. For example — “Does sub/slave know why he/she is being punished?” “Yes, Sir/Ma’am. I have shamed Master/Mistress by (reciting offense).” You can incorporate this Q and A technique to just about any physical punishment.
  6. A variation on the sensory deprivation theme is being kept in a cage. Depending on the submissive’s fears (if it is a hard limit, avoid this as a punishment), this can be the one thing the submissive fears most. Requiring the submissive to eat out of a bowl is another aspect of this punishment that can be quite effective. Again, the objective is to know and understand your submissive or slave. To repeat – if caging, eating out of a bowl or sensory deprivation is a hard limit, this is not a punishment you should ever use.
  7. There is really no limit on what you can use as punishment. Sometimes play that is enjoyable can be used as punishment when done in a disapproving manner or on another area of the body. For example, wax play on the buttocks might be one of your submissive’s favorite activities. But when applied to the breasts, the sub might hate it. In this case, use it!
    These are the types of physical punishments that can be used when training a submissive or a slave. In Part II, I will outline mental punishments that will give you great ideas how to put the “D” in D/s!

By BaadMaster
After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.

Tagged With: bdsm, D/s, M/s, punishment

Part 3: How Slavery Can Reduce Anxiety

December 19, 2017 By slave_bunny 1 Comment

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If you have not read Part 1 & 2 you can read them here: Part 1 & Part 2

Now that I have touched on how the overall M/S structure helps to reduce anxiety, I would like to talk about some specific anxiety-reducing protocols.

My Master and I are advocates of tracking my progress and rewarding me for overcoming my anxiety (In the first article in this series I told you all about our compulsion resistance calendar and our reward system). I think these aspects of our relationship definitely help me cope with my anxiety and are a major motivation to overcome it.

The fact that my Master owns my anxiety just as much as I do and takes the time to put systems in place to reward and track my anxiety truly does help me. Even when I give into my anxiety and compulse (please look up compulsion if you are unfamiliar with this term), I am happy to do my automatic thought record because I know that I am helping myself to get better. I am also showing my Master that I hold myself accountable for my recovery even when he isn’t around or aware that I compulsed. It makes me happy to see him so proud of me for owning my own self-growth and for being honest with him when I falter.

Reminders

Reminders are a great tool as well. We have “bunny-check-ins” in our home. These are simply me or my Master reminding me to do a mental check-in to avoid having a panic attack in times of stress. When I check in with myself I assess whether I actually have something to be anxious about. I ask myself is my mind catastrophizing or exaggerating the issue?

If I answer yes to the above question (which is usually the case), I use meditation to calm myself down. If the answer is no, then of course my Master and I would talk about what steps need to be taken to remedy the problem. This sounds remedial, but it really does help me to think before I react. It also gives me time for meditation on my breath so my anxiety does not get out of control.

Our newest form of defense against anxiety is a magnet with cute cartoon animals on it. The magnet says “Be Flexible, Don’t Catastrophize, and Don’t Blow Smoke.” This will be given to me when I am doing any of these things, and I must read it. Hopefully, this will be another reminder for me to calm down and get a better handle on myself.

I have also heard of slaves having an emotion chart where they mark where they are at daily, so their Master can gauge how best to handle their emotions for that day.

Daily Positivity Logs

My Master also gives me a daily positivity logs. For these, I must list five things I am grateful for. This helps me to remain positive and not get overly stressed. The logs are a great way to keep things in perspective.

I hope this has been helpful for those dealing with anxiety. Next week, I will talk about how specific types of slave training and meditation can help anxiety. I will also touch on subspace and how it can be a great stress-reducing state. Finally, I will go over some assignments my Master has given me. If any of you are interested in learning more about anything I have mentioned, please do not hesitate to ask. Thanks for reading and stay tuned!

About the Author:

Slave Bunny, a 1950’s power slave, is involved in a wonderful and loving TPE 24/7 M/S relationship with her Master and husband. She is also the Creative Director of Kink Weekly.

She has dedicated her life to working on herself mentally, spiritually, and physically, and hopes to inspire others to do the same. Through teaching and mentoring, she hopes to help everyone in the Kink community as much as she can.

Feel free to add her on Fetlife (Slave_Bunny992) to see her upcoming workshops and classes.

 

Tagged With: anxiety, M/s, master, slave

A Golden Question

December 18, 2017 By Baadmaster 2 Comments

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As the year winds to a close, there are some things that stick out in my mind. One of them is the purported “golden showers” scene with Donald Trump and some Russians. Whether true or not, piss play has gone main stream in at least this one area. Since I cover all things “kink” for kinkweekly.com, this leads me to a question I received via email, which read:

“My Master wants me to drink his urine. He says that if I do, he will never doubt me. I didn’t think I’d given him reason to doubt me in the first place. Is this request normal? Is drinking urine harmful?”

Negotiations

In the first part of your question, you say that if you drink urine he will “never doubt you.” I think the question of doubt is a bigger issue than giving in to one specific demand. If he is pressuring you — by saying he will “never doubt you again” — to overcome a hard limit, he is not being very Masterly. (On the other hand, if you had told him drinking urine was a soft limit, he might rightly have a point. For by refusing to do so, you have made him question whether you were truthful in your negotiations.)

I cannot over-emphasize how important negotiations are when you start a Master/slave or Mistress/slave relationship. What is “normal” for one couple can be “out of bounds” for another. Serious misunderstandings can result from sloppy – or worse, a lack of – negotiations.

One of the romantic fantasies in D/s is the concept of sacrifice. In the famous “Story of O”, which inspired many of us, the slave shows her devotion to her Master by doing unusual sexual acts for him. I am sure “O” would never have listed any of these acts as hard limits. And while the excitement that both “O” and her Master get comes from the extremes of his demands and her accession to them, he would never have had to use “I will never doubt you again” as a way to get her to obey him.   

Is It a Hard Limit?

Drinking piss from your Master can be overwhelmingly erotic in the “O” tradition.  And it can demonstrate your willingness to please him and do things for him and only for him.  If it is not a hard limit of yours, once the health issues are settled to your satisfaction, you should do it without question. He should have no need to cajole you into it.

On the other hand, if it is a hard limit of yours, or you two did not negotiate this beforehand, then you must tell him now. He must be made aware it is a hard limit of yours. And he should act accordingly.

Many people list public humiliation as a hard limit. As the relationship evolves, the slave might be more receptive to a public degradation demand. Similarly, your Master should talk about hard limits from time to time as the relationship grows. Then he will know when the time is right to ask you. But changing hard limits cannot be as inelegant as saying “do it and I will never doubt you again.”

Is It Safe to Drink Urine?

As to the second part of your question, the safety issue, there is relatively little danger in water sports. Now what is “relatively little danger” you ask? That is debatable. But water sports do not, by definition, present the physical safety risk that breath play does. Or knife play. Or fire play.

But piss play is still a very extreme form of BDSM play; there can be serious elements of humiliation and other serious psychological aspects involved. Thus, as with all other play, it must be consensual. And the sub must have a safe word if he/she decides the play is too much to take – whether physically or mentally.

Since you say you never gave him reason to doubt you, your Master seems to be mixing arenas, so to speak. Trust is trust. Pushing a slave’s limits is part of it but only a small part. I would sit down and “re-negotiate” limits so you are both aware of where you stand. As I always point out, communication is the key to all D/s relationships

By BaadMaster
After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.

Tagged With: golden shower, M/s, piss drinking, piss play, question, urine drinking, user submitted question, water sports

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