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24/7 D/s Relationships are Like a Layer Cake

August 3, 2020 By Will Hunt 8 Comments

male dom having a conversation with his female submissive
via stock.adobe.com

24/7 D/s relationships are a lot of work. The title alone should be the give away, and I don’t mean the 24/7 or D/s part, those only come after the really tricky bit, the relationship. For some of us our sense of self is so tied up in the dynamics of relationship that we can forget which follows which.

Our dynamics are layered upon those parts of us that make up functioning human beings. We are a top, a bottom, a switch after we are a person. Those needs which are fulfilled by those dynamics are valuable. Often they can be very comforting, allowing us to choose the manner in which we engage with the people around us with clearly set terms of engagement. Within our relationships it can provide clearly defined expectations and responsibilities. However, we need the stable foundation of a relationship upon which to build.

We will all have times when we will struggle. Perhaps the urge to serve it strained, or the desire to tell someone what to do waines? For some reason that which came easily and we thought was core to our relationship, to our very sense of self, becomes difficult. It can be a source of panic as we try to diagnose the problem. Do I need to be more dominant, double down on the rules, forgive no trespass? We become so obsessed with the symptoms that we fail to diagnose the root cause of the issue. 

The D/s aspect of a relationship is often the most emotionally vulnerable part of a relationship as it rests on the very top. Seen each and every day in the way we act, the way we talk, so any break in that pattern is very obvious. Often the D/s parts of us are the most extreme representations of us, the most vulnerable, the most self indulgent, the most us that we can only truly manifest when we feel safe. It can be the canary in the coal mine of troubles we aren’t even aware of. 

Dig Deep

If we are finding it hard to connect in a kinky way I believe it is worth working up through the layers of the relationship, rather than backwards from the fault. If we no longer feel safe enough in the relationship to be uniquely vulnerable in the way that D/s allows us to then we need to understand what has changed. 

There is a risk that if we spend all our time struggling to work out why we aren’t enjoying the rules and making up new rules, or altering existing ones, then we are not exploring why the rules have stopped being fun. Layering more plaster over a crack in a wall won’t solve the problem. We need to work out why the crack is there in the first place. Stop the root problem, then repair and plaster over the crack.

If there is a problem on the top level of the relationship, the D/s aspect, then we should explore the foundations of the relationship. By starting with the fundamentals we can test each of those things that are essential to a healthy relationship.

The underpinnings of a relationship are not D/s, they are care, affection, love and much much more. You kink compatibility may be what brought you together, but it will not be what keeps you together. 

What may have brought you together is not necessarily the same thing that keeps you together. I have been fortunate enough to have had some wonderful scenes with people. Our kinks were compatible, we enjoyed our time together, but a relationship was never a prospect. Kink compatibility does not naturally lead to relationship compatibility. So why would we focus on the kink aspect first rather than that which makes up the underpinnings of the relationship if there is a problem?

If there are uncomfortable things that we need to confront about our relationship we can be prone to distraction. It is easy to mistake activity for progress. 

Foundation Stone

Recently the D/s aspect of my relationship had to take a backseat in order to focus on my partners needs. She did not need a dom at that time, she needed a partner. Everything but the most basic levels of D/s had to be put on hold. She still wore her collar, had to ask permission for the same things as always, but apart from those few things our focus shifted almost exclusively to taking care of her. 

My role as Top in our relationship had to shift, changing from an owner, an enforced of rules, to far more of a carer. Our relationship became almost vanilla! Gasp, shock, horror!

Fortunately she felt better after a few weeks of care and we were able to start bringing our rules back to the forefront of our relationships. Shifting back to the D/s heavy nature of our relationship. However, there was a problem. I was really struggling. I found it hard to just turn the switch back on. Everything told me I enjoyed our kink dynamic, I wanted to get back to it in full, so did she. Everything we were thinking about our shared kink told us we should be right back where we were a few weeks ago.

Our mistake was in only looking at the issue from the kink layer of the relationship. We were so fixated on getting that back to normal that we didn’t even consider that there could be an issue on another level that we were totally missing. 

For a few days we struggled. We were doing all the kinky things, and just not feeling it. It felt just like we were going through the motions. A horrible thing to feel in a D/s dynamic where our joint commitment is so integral to the relationship working. 

After a few days of it just not working we had a long conversation. Forcing ourselves to verbalise what we were feeling, what was frustrating us and what wasn’t working. We didn’t have to come up with a solution, we were just diagnosing the problem. Neither of us pretended something was working that wasn’t, neither of us attributed blame (after all we both wanted the same thing). What we did was work up from the fundamentals of our relationship, asking the hard questions as we went. Did we still love each other, did we still enjoy being with each other, did we still excite each other…

It is important to ask these hard questions, because it is the answers that will help us. Fortunately after the talk we were able to understand why we weren’t clicking, it was as simple as the fact that I needed to feel confident that she really was okay. I needed to feel safe enough to be myself in full with her again, and to recognise that needed to give myself a couple of days to recover from being so focused on caring for her. 

The spice of life

Kink is a beautiful, thrilling, erotic addition to a relationship. In my case it is so pervasive that it could easily be mistaken as the relationship in its entirety. If I am not careful I can make that mistake myself.

While kink might bring many of us together, and even form the language of intimacy that we use to grow emotionally close, it needs to be built upon a healthy relationship. We cannot mistake activity for achievement or conversation for construction. We need to ask the hard questions, to put each other first and build our relationships on a foundation of love. 


About the Author
Will Hunt has been involved in the UK kink scene for the last 10 years; running clubs, teaching workshops, performing and generally encouraging naughty behavior wherever possible.

Tagged With: 24/7, D/s, relationship management, Will Hunt

Lello Li and Vio Vaho’s Shibari Show

May 7, 2018 By Lello Li and Vio Vaho 4 Comments

Lello Li & Vio Vaho – Rope Spirit VII. from HELL.cz on Vimeo.

Tagged With: D/s, intimacy, lesbians, Rope, shibari

This week in kink, May 7, 2018

May 7, 2018 By Desdemona 5 Comments

Check out the on-going debate about consensual sadomasochism vs. violence and how our legal system handles such things. Click here to read more.

pay-inside-the-intimate-world-of-bondage-dominance-and-sado-masochism-in-walesbdsm-includes-bondage-d


San Francisco votes to recognize its Gay Fetish Leather District. Click here to find out more.

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Be sure to check out DomCon this weekend if you are in Los Angeles. Click here to check it out.

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Academia submits its final report for Consensual Relationships Policy. Click here to read more.

Welcoming partner


Have some kinky news to share? Tell us about any upcoming BDSM events, new products, dungeon openings / closings, collarings, kink in mainstream media, and anything else you think kinky folks might be interested to hear about. Send your tips through to news@kinkweekly.com, and it might just end up on next week’s “This Week in Kink”

Tagged With: bdsm, consent, D/s, domcon, fetish, gay, kink, leather, sadomasochism

The Initiation of Cora: Part 2

May 7, 2018 By Ernest Greene and Nina Hartley 7 Comments

Red high heels and school cane on wooden background

Click here for Part 1


As always, I was impressed by the size and elegance of the property. It wasn’t really a castle like in the fairy tales. It was more of a huge, sprawling farm built in the style of the late Nineteenth Century at the beginning of the Austrian imperial era.

The building was square, with a sixty-by-eighty-meter inner courtyard. The courtyard was covered in white gravel, which was a beautiful contrast to the dark-green-painted windows, doors, and roof beams. The walls were yellow with white trim. Classic.

Herrmann greeted us with a couple of unnecessary swats and led us into a white-tiled bathroom off the high-ceilinged foyer. We had half an hour to clean up and enjoy the warmth. We helped wash off each other’s feet as best we could and attempted to warm up inside as well with the rum tea they had left for us. Cora was genuinely shocked by the condition of my behind, but I told her to look out for herself instead of worrying about me. I watched her closely. She didn’t have the initiation behind her yet and was basically still a novice. I felt our “greeting,” which she’d had no way to anticipate, was a bit much for someone so new.

Well, that was for The Consigliere and others to decide. Perhaps it was a test and if Cora had failed there would have been no need to go forward with the rest of her initiation. There is a certain freedom that comes from having no say in how things turn out.

Herrmann brought us our clothes. No shoes. Most of the slaves or O’s in The Castle went barefoot. In Sir’s enormous office sat six men. They chatted. Some smoked cigars, drank coffee.

As Herrmann led us in, I did my best to seem calm and collected as I usually am, even though my feet and pussy were in a lot of pain. My tight-fitting dress caused an enormous burning sensation on my ass. Cora came unsteadily along next to me, her eyes full of tears.

“Ah, the ladies. Please have a seat.”

Sir pointed at two chairs. On the huge leather sectional next to Federico and the Consigliere sat three other men, only one of who was familiar.   Oscar was a well-known attorney, politically connected and often in the media. He was considered a likely candidate to take over a position in the ministry of finance. He was arrogant, successful, unapproachable, and to me, unappealing. It was surprising to see him there. As far as I knew he was not a member of The League. His wife was a good-looking woman in her thirties, known for her involvement with various charities. She never missed a party and certainly never a photo op. The other two men seemed to be friends of Oscar, but I’d never seen them before.

I gave Cora a little nudge to open her legs a bit more and made sure to sit up straight. Oscar’s gaze was fixed right between my knees and I opened them a bit more. I knew from looking at them in the bathroom that our pussies were chafed, our vulvas red and swollen. It was certainly a nice view for those who could appreciate its unique features. I tried to make eye contact with Federico, but he was in a quiet conversation with the two unknown men. The Consigliere sat silently observing Cora. Unexpectedly, he got up and stood behind her. He ran his hand softly over her hair and bent down to whisper something in her ear. He spoke with her for about a minute and I could see her begin to calm down. I was unable to hear any of their conversation but whatever he said to her seemed to work.   I was always curious about The Consigliere and I think he may have been curious about me but we never exchanged intimacies other than physically. Federico was Alexander’s best friend from when they were kids and I think that made him a little uneasy with me. There was an attraction between us he saw as a danger to their friendship.

Sir offered us some coffee, sat down and turned to me.

“You were delayed?”

“Yes, first on the Autobahn, then at the gate by Hungarians.”

He looked at me, and nodded straight-faced. Federico grinned slightly.

“I told Herrmann to make you aware of your tardiness.”

“He did. The Hungarians then showed us a bit of the property. We paid for being late.”

“Good. Would you please show us your marks? I would like to know whether my orders were followed correctly.”

“Naturally.”

I stood up on my toes with wide-open legs, pulled my dress up high and spread my lips with two fingers. The future minister’s eyes nearly fell out. The two other men could only stare.

“The swelling is from the rope they put on us for the walk.”

I turned, lifted one foot up, then the other and showed them the soles of my feet.

“This is from walking barefoot over the gravel roads.”

And then I pulled the dress up over my ass.

“Two times, two dozen strokes with a hazelnut switch.”

I turned back around, rearranged my dress and sat down gingerly. I sipped my coffee. The future minister and the two unknown men gazed, bewildered. Federico smiled and The Consigliere stood behind Cora, caressing her hair.

Talk between the men became lively once again and the future minister got busy trying to impress Federico. After about half an hour the gathering came to a close. The two strangers and the future minister said their goodbyes.

“We will definitely be seeing more of each other, beautiful,” Oscar told me, a prospect that held no appeal.

We were alone now with Federico, Franklin and the Consigliere. Sir called Ms. Karmann, who was head of the household staff, on the intercom at his desk and ordered her to get our dresses for tomorrow night. Cora looked at me, puzzled. I had an idea of what kind of dresses he meant.

The Consigliere made his explanation, most of which was familiar to me from previous occasions.

“My dears, Federico, Sir Franklin and I will be participating in a big Soiree near Bratislava tomorrow with both of you. It is a Nuit d’ O, an event with very strict rules following the practices of Roissy. You will both be properly costumed as O’s in skirts and bodices. However, your genitalia and breasts will be exposed and accessible, just like in the book and the film. “At a Soiree like this, every man puts his O at the disposal of all other men present, after some discussion of what will be permitted, of course. You, my lovely Sabrina, will be wearing your red collar, which means anything is allowed. You, dear Cora, will be given a green collar for your initiation. “I will need your consent in this. At any time you may refuse to participate further by using your safeword – deliverance. If you do you will be taken home immediately and never allowed to return. If you choose to remain and undergo the ceremony you will wear the Ring of O and be a full-fledged member of The League. Understood?”

The Consigliere had a knack for making things seem clear and reasonable, though in practice they were often more complicated.

Cora sniffled a bit, and said quietly:

“Yes. I asked for this. I will obey. What do I have to do there?”

“Well, my dear, tomorrow we will be expecting about twenty couples, men with their O’s. They come from all over Europe. Some are very well known people you might have seen under other circumstances. That will not be important here. In addition, there will be six or eight single men in attendance. “Because it will be your initiation you will be the center of attention. You will be presented in the dress of O and the green collar until midnight. That means nobody will be allowed to touch you without my permission.

“At midnight we will proceed with the ceremony. You will be brought to the center of the room completely naked, bound and given five- dozen lashes with the blacksnake over your entire body. “After that, your green collar will be switched out for the red one and you will be entirely at the disposal of all men present. It is required that all in attendance take you at least once, vaginally, anally or orally. Do you understand?”

Cora sat there and looked at the Consigliere, her face gone ashen. I saw her quivering as she glanced over at me.

“Did… you also have to do something like this, Sabrina?”

I nodded.

“Naturally. All of us. Like that, or similar.”

She blinked.

“How… how can I take this, endure something like this? How?”

“You’re not supposed to just take it, or endure it. You’re supposed to enjoy it.”

I remembered what I had been told at my own initiation: “Devotion is not a question of submission. Love, lust, and sometimes simply curiosity will elicit submission. But the woman who devotes herself must also be very strong and sure of her own motives.”

We would soon see if Cora had that strength.

She’d already passed the first test by enduring the punishment I’d brought on both of us. Later she would face a more severe test trial unlike the brutish treatment awaiting our arrival.

I kept it to myself but was of the opinion Cora would not ever become a real O. I saw her as being curious, or perhaps bored with her apparently uneventful marriage. Possibly she’d simply been persuaded by the Consigliere. She would be neither the first nor the last to succumb to his charm. Later, to my surprise, I found out that Cora had pursued him and not the other way around.

Whatever her reasons, I was certain that this beautiful woman was not interested in The League as a thing in itself. She was shocked by the small punishment we had received earlier and visibly shaken by all that followed. If she stayed, she’d look back on this as an easy day.  I wasn’t convinced such a life was right for her but that wasn’t any of my business. She was here of her own accord and been given a safeword like the rest of us that would stop whatever was happening to her instantly and permanently. This was the catch of the safeword. Using it required a very serious decision immediately and under great duress. Once used it would exclude her from The League forever. I was always surprised that none of us ever used ours. I wondered if Cora would be the first.

As always, there were five of us at dinner. Sir Franklin had asked Herrmann and Sica, a small, pudgy, smiling twenty-five year old Italian girl who ruled the kitchen for Sir Franklin and bossed around the huge Herrmann as if he were a schoolboy, to cook an appropriate meal. That meant at least a two-hour affair with nothing less than five courses. That night we got seven. The food was superb, the wine pairing outstanding and the atmosphere almost surreally relaxed, given the circumstances that brought us there. Sir Franklin was a wonderful host, his most important qualification as head of The League. I felt happy and content being with Federico and Alexander, who had been such close friends for so many years they were often thought to be brothers, though there was no family connection between them.

They both told stories of the crazy things they’d done as young men and spoke of their time racing cars. Much laughter filled the room. At some point during dessert the topic of piercings and tattoos came up. There were different opinions on the matter. Personally I don’t care for either of those things on my own body, and said so.

Federico grinned.

“Yeah, that’s true. But I accept it. Otherwise I would have put some rings on her long ago.”

“Practically all of our O’s wear some permanent ornamentation,” Sir Franklin explained.

Sweet Cora was curious.

“What kind of ornamentation?”

Sir Franklin looked at her.

“Normally gold or steel rings on the nipples or sometimes on the labia or clit.”

Her eyes widened.

“On the clit?”

“Yeah. Sylvia, a young lady who was initiated two years ago wears all that plus an additional three rings in each pussy lip by choice. Her pussy can be laced shut so only her ass and mouth are available, something her master enjoys doing to her from time to time.”

Cora puffed out her cheeks.

“I’d like to see that sometime…”

“No problem,” Sir Franklin said.

He rang for Hermann and instructed him to get Sylvia. Cora wanted to know who and where Sylvia was.

Amused, Sir Franklin raised one eyebrow.

“Sylvia is an O who has been with us here while her owner is abroad. She should be hanging from the ceiling in the basement at the moment.”

Before Cora could ask further questions, The Consigliere silenced her with a wave of his hand.

We went on eating and talking, except for Cora who clearly had other things on her mind, until Herrmann returned with Sylvia.

I would have guessed her to be somewhere north of thirty but south of forty, a bit smaller than me. She wore her hair shoulder-length.  She was otherwise completely shaved and, at the moment, completely naked. I’d never met her before but I was aware Sir Franklin had something special planned for her per her absentee owner’s request.  She stood before us in the basic position of presentation: up on her toes with legs wide spread, hands interlocked behind her head.

Sir Franklin pointed at the naked woman with his fork.

“Now, dear Cora, you may take a closer look if you’d like.”

Both of Sylvia’s nipples were pierced with steel bars four centimeters long from each of which dangled a silver horseshoe ring.

Both her outer labia were pierced with four steel rings and her clit was decorated with small garnet studs on a curved bar that went right through the most sensitive spot on her body.

Cora stood up, walked over to Sylvia and asked shyly:

“May I?”

Sylvia’s gaze never left the floor.

“Please, madam. Help yourself to me as you wish.”

I noticed that Sylvia’s backside was webbed with fading marks, evidently traces from her master’s most recent visit. Cora touched the dangling half circles on her nipples.

“How did they do that?”

Sylvia had a pronounced west Austrian dialect, Tirol or perhaps Vorarlberg. She wore a wedding ring, visible on an interlocked hand at the back of her head

“My husband wanted this, and therefore I wanted it as well. It was done here two years ago.”

“Without anesthetic?”

“Some girls have their piercings done after a small injection of Novocain but my husband wanted me to really feel it. I wanted that as well. Unfortunately, I passed out during the clit piercing.”

Cora stared at the woman wide-eyed.

The Consigliere put down his fork and spoke up. I grew increasingly certain of what would happen next.

“Do you like the way they look, Cora?”

Cora turned to her mentor.

“I… yes… it’s all very pretty. I mean, on my… on my private parts it wouldn’t appeal to me. But yes, the nipple rings are very beautiful.”

The Consigliere looked at Franklin and raised an eyebrow.

“Hmmm. Gold would suit her best I think,” he said. “But we should perhaps wait on this until after the initiation. It might be safer.”

Safer than having fresh piercings pulled on, sucked, contaminated with sweat and sperm and possible struck with a whip? I knew the Consigliere would never have permitted such risky behavior involving his new O, but he deferred to Franklin. It was Alexander’s way to give advice and let others give orders.

Cora, still mesmerized, continued to examine Sylvia, oblivious to the conversation.

Cora seemed to amuse Franklin with her wide-eyed amazement at everything she saw. She had a lot to learn, especially concerning how an O was to behave here in The Castle. But she wasn’t an O yet, just a prospect, at least until tomorrow.

Cora ran her fingertips across Sylvia’s nipple again, which went hard instantly.

Sylvia answered quietly without looking up.

“Does it make them more sensitive,” Cora asked.

“Very much so, madam. And my clit as well. The slightest friction down there makes me wet so I am most of the time.

The Consigliere laughed.

“Cora’s wet all the time anyway.”

Cora, who had obviously been with girls before, stroked the little jeweled bar lightly, then traced a fingertip between Sylvia’s labia. A shudder rippled through Sylvia’s body and her eyelids fluttered down.

Cora looked over at Alexander, who shrugged.

“We can always have it done later if you change your mind,” he said calmly. You can sit down now.”

Sylvia spoke again softly.

“Excuse me, gentlemen, but I would very much like some of your sperm. May I?”

Federico and Alexander nodded. Sir Franklin gave his permission. Sylvia got down on all fours and disappeared under the table.

I felt a bit cocky as the most senior O present.

“And me? Can she also pleasure me?”

Sir Franklin laughed.

“Of course! Sylvia, did you catch that, Sylvia?”

She already had Federico’s cock in her mouth and all we heard was “Mmmmhhhhmmm.”

After Sylvia finished under the table she was led away by Herrmann. She had also visited Cora and me with her tongue, lips and fingertips, demonstrating admirable technique with women as well as men.

Cora, the obedient wife of Albert, son of the rich owner of a printing company, reached down and pulled Sylvia by the hair. Cora’s legs shot out to the sides and she braced herself on the sides of the chair. A few minutes of wet sucking noises from Sylvia’s labors and Cora went stiff, letting out a surprisingly loud howl Looking at the impressed faces of Alexander, Federico and Sir Franklin.

At a gesture from Franklin Herrmann ushered Sylvia out of the room but not before the naked girl could give us all a proper curtsy and thank us for using her. Cora watched her follow Herrmann out, her footsteps light as a dancer’s. Yes, Cora had a lot to learn and she was beginning to realize it.

I had no doubt tomorrow night’s initiation would be memorable in all respects.

Not far from Bratislava, Slovakia

The dark Mercedes Vito with the tinted windows rolled up to the border near Bratislava. I couldn’t help wondering how the customs officers would react to what we weren’t wearing if we were stopped or were made to get out of the vehicle. The formal clothing of O that we wore for Cora’s initiation was beautiful and elaborate, made from heavy silk, though not much of it. If we removed our hooded cloaks Cora, Daniela, and I would have been practically naked.

Cora wore golden sandals held on her feet by very thin straps beginning at the instep and tied up around the ankle. I had received the same in silver. It wasn’t easy to walk in them but walking was not our purpose.

Cora’s dress had been made up in warm brown tones. The flowing skirt was a bit lighter than the brown bodice, which tied in the back and lifted her breasts just enough to display them perfectly, new gold rings glittering in the muted lighting of the car’s interior. Our skirts were slit in the front and back, held together by five-centimeter waistbands. They were designed so the sides could be flipped up and fastened at the waist with a button to provide unobstructed access to our intimate anatomies. Our breasts were fully exposed. My bodice was grey and my skirt was black. Daniela’s “uniform,” was identical but all in white. She wore very high peep-toes instead of sandals. Daniela was an O from Italy. She lived in The Castle with Sir Franklin and served next to Ms. Karmann as his personal secretary. A little taller than most, Daniela was slender, with small but firm breasts and perpetually erect nipples. Her dark hair fell just past her shoulders. She had a very pretty face, despite somewhat sharp features, that men enjoyed getting messy. Our makeup was subtle but our nails were painted a bright red, high and low. Cora and I both wore rings on our second toes. Hers was gold, and mine silver. I wore a ring, just like Daniela, on my pointer finger. It was the ring of O, a simple flat silver band with a small ring attached to it.

All three of us had our hair up and fastened with gold or silver barrettes. Cora’s big, beautiful nipples were swollen and looked tender from Herrmann’s needlework.  I was still rankled by Federico’s indifference to my concerns about them, but I understood that this was just his way. Other people’s concerns weren’t his.

We crossed the border without being stopped at all. Herrmann seemed to know Bratislava well. He steered the Vito confidently through the city. The Consigliere sat in the passenger seat next to him. The girls occupied the middle row while Federico and Sir Franklin lounged in the back.

Daniela had been scooting around in her seat for the longest time and these bumpy streets weren’t helping one bit.

“I have to pee. Please.”

This was probably going to get interesting.

Hermann whispered something to the Consigliere, and both of them laughed. Alexander turned around towards us.

“If you can’t take it anymore my dear, Herrmann knows somewhere where you can relieve yourself.” Daniela nodded and then looked out the window. Her face turned red. She knew what little dare was about to present itself. Sir Franklin spoke up from the back.

“Herrmann, are you thinking what I’m thinking?”

“Yes, Sir Franklin. If you don’t mind?”

Sir Franklin laughed quietly. “Of course. But please watch out for my girl, okay? We don’t want to get stopped and be delayed because she can’t contain her bladder.”

Herrmann promised to make sure it wouldn’t happen.  Daniela and I exchanged a look, imagining what humiliation they had in mind for her.

Daniela and I had only seen each other at The Castle two or three times. She was legendary for always participating in the hunts, a thing I had never done, nor did I plan to do.  She’d tried it four times and always lost, not a record I cared to best. After the second time she had to realize she would always get caught. I assumed she preferred it that way, which was a significant difference between us. The O’s of The Castle were ordinarily expected to accede to everything their Mentors requested of them but the hunts were an exception – hazardous duty and strictly for volunteers. Of course, occasionally a Mentor or member, of the hundreds of whom only twenty held Mentor status, would request that a woman he brought into The League take part in a hunt, but nobody could make this a command. The hunts were the hardest and most brutal challenge any of us would face. Most of the women participated initially hoping to elude the hunters and collect a very substantial reward. That wasn’t how things usually went.

The task seemed simple enough, if also utterly terrifying. The woman would be set out naked somewhere in the wilderness. Owing to the presence of a few high-ranking Austrian, Italian, German, Hungarian, Czech, and Slovakian officers in the community of societees the cruel game was often played on military training grounds. The hunted girl was given a map and a target destination she had to reach before being captured.

The size of the all-male hunting parties depended upon how many enthusiasts were available and how many were willing to contribute to the cost. Every participant had to put up a hefty sum. A bit of the money paid for expenses, but the rest went to the woman if she won. The prize was generally in the neighborhood of ten thousand euro, a nice neighborhood by almost anyone’s definition.

But to win she had to make it to the protected zone on the map, the location of which was unknown to the hunters so they couldn’t just wait around for her to show up there. Sometimes, as a special incentive, checkpoints were added to the map.  At the checkpoints there were stamps she would apply to her forearm. Every checkpoint stamp carried an added financial bonus if she escaped to collect it.

The woman got a sixty-minute head start. Normally the time limit to reach the target was twelve hours. For a naked woman, shoeless and without supplies of any kind in a harsh environment this was obviously quite a task.

If she wasn’t able to reach the target in time or if the men caught up with her, she was in serious trouble. Though the hunters didn’t communicate with each other during the search, if one of them found their prey the others were called together. Usually the girl would be whipped right where they found her. The hunters were also free to fuck her in every orifice. For the next twenty-four hours she was theirs to do with as they pleased. There were no boundaries and no rules about passing her on to others. It was very cruel sport. Alexander considered it barbaric and would not permit any of the O’s he mentored to participate.

Nevertheless, there were always women who took the bait. Supposedly the payout for winning was the lure, but I suspect some had additional motives. The lovely Daniela must have found the experience rewarding in some other way, as she never won a single euro in all her attempts.

I’m unsure of every detail, but rumor had it she was openly whipped in a remote border town and raped by every man there who wanted her, not as rare an event as one might suppose, as I later found out to my everlasting sorrow. There was even talk about forced sodomy with hunting dogs. Sir Franklin was silent on the subject but there were a few “meetings,” some apparently quite heated, with all the Mentors following Daniela’s hunt. Alexander prevailed that time and no League girls were hunted thereafter, or at least that was the official story.

Click here for Part 3

About the Authors:

Ernest Greene is the author of the well-renowned novel for Daedalus Publishing, Master of O, reinventing the BDSM classic Story of O set in modern Los Angeles and told from the master’s point of view. His previous work includes co-authoring Coming Attractions, the Making of an X-Rated Video with Dr. Robert Stoller (Yale University Press, 1989) and shared credit with his spouse, Nina Hartley on Nina Hartley’s Guide to Total Sex (2006), from Avery Press, a division of USA Penguin Group.

Greene is a longtime member of the Los Angeles BDSM community, joining Threshold when it was still an affiliate of The Society of Janus. He served six terms as Threshold coordinator between 1989 and 1995. He continued to do orientations for new members thereafter and participated in numerous outreaches to academic groups.

Since 1985, Greene has concentrated his efforts mainly in adult entertainment and adult sex education, serving as Executive Editor of the best-selling fetish magazine Hustler’s Taboo since 1999 and most recently as Chief Associate Editor for Hustler’s All-Sex issues.

Ernest Greene, has participated in the production of adult video for three decades as a performer, writer, director and producer. His body of work comprises over five hundred titles, including AVN award winners Strictly for Pleasure, Mask of Innocence, Tristan Taormino’s Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women and Jenna Loves Pain. With his wife, Nina Hartley, he has served as producer and director of the Nina Hartley’s Guide series of adult sex education programs for video market leader Adam&Eve Pictures. The series has sold over three quarters of a million videos to date and now comprises forty titles. His own erotic features for Adam&Eve, O – The Power of Submission, Surrender of O and The Truth About O have thus far seen sales nearing 100,000 units, making them among the biggest selling X-rated feature titles in recent years.

Greene is particularly well known for his groundbreaking approach to the presentation of unconventional sexuality related to consensual domination and submission. He has been active in the BDSM community for nearly thirty years, conducting workshops and seminars and serving as an officer of community groups. He is a retired six-term coordinator of Threshold, Southern California’s oldest active pansexual BDSM organization.  His activism also extends to the world of adult video production, where he held the position of chairman of the board of directors of The Adult Industry Medical Healthcare Foundation (AIM) for seven years and to his commentaries on the adult industry Blog for Pro-Porn Activism.

Nina Hartley is a pioneering feminist sex  worker, using her body in the service of promoting a sexually sane and literate society. She is thrilled to see a new generation of sex-positive performer/activists take its space and spread the good news about sex. Active as a performer since 1982, her rock-solid commitment to the importance of sexual autonomy has fueled Ms. Hartley’s career in adult entertainment. As a performer, director, writer, educator, public speaker, and feminist thinker for all, no matter their orientation, she’s traveled the world to deliver her message. She believes that sexual freedom is a fundamental human right and welcomes the new social media opportunities for spreading her message of knowledge and empowerment to the widest number of people. She’s the author of, “Nina Hartley’s Guide to Total Sex,” from Avery Press. Putting to use her B.S. degree in nursing, she and her husband, Ernest Greene, have produced the million-selling sex-ed video series collectively known as  “The Nina Hartley Guides,” from Adam & Eve, currently in its 38th episode.  Still active in front of the camera, she and her husband live in Los Angeles.

Ernest’s Website: masterofo.com

Tagged With: bdsm, consent, D/s, ernest greene, kink, M/s, Nina Hartley, The Story of O, The Truth About O

Techniques For Slave Training

May 7, 2018 By slave_bunny 5 Comments

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Hello everyone! In my last article, I talked about the benefits of training and healthy ways to achieve a successful training outcome.

In this article, I would like to talk about specific training techniques.

The first technique I would like to talk about is Classical Conditioning. Classical conditioning involves a stimulus being trained to evoke a specific response from the s type. A well-known example of this type of conditioning would be Pavlov’s dog. If you are unfamiliar with this reference, I highly recommend googling it.

For this technique to work, the D type must work with the s type to pair a preferred response with a chosen stimulus/object/action. For example, my Master has trained me to say “Master loves me and everything is okay” when he places his hand on my cheek. This is used when my Master wants me to calm down and/or to reduce my anxiety.

As you can see from this example, classical conditioning can be used to shorten response times, can be used to help someone in the dynamic in a positive way, and can take the conscious thinking out of the equation for the s type. When my Master puts his hand on my cheek, I do not even have to think about my response. It just comes out at this point. It has been thoroughly ingrained in me.

This method can also be used to let the s type know they did something that displeases you. For example, the D type could train the s type to know that when the D type snaps their fingers that means the s type did something wrong and must go to the corner to wait for further instruction. Classical conditioning can also be used to get the s type wet and/or ready for sex or play. There is really no limit to what it can be used for. Essentially, it can be used as a way to speed up the response time for whatever response the D type wants the s type to exhibit.

However, even though the end result can speed up the desired response, training one to achieve the desired outcome does take time, work, and patience, just like any other training method and process.

There is no set time-frame as to when classical conditioning can/will occur. I can tell you it does take some time before the brain subconsciously pairs a stimulus with a specific response.

Any type of stimulus can be used as well- smells, tastes, sensations, actions, objects, etc. The possibilities really are endless. It just has to be something that the s type will recognize easily and without question.

The stimulus should also not be something the s type experiences in everyday life. The stimulus should be something that the D type has a considerable amount of control over. You want to be the only or nearly the only one that can give/gives the s type the stimulus. The more control you have over the stimulus and when it is given to the s type, the more effective classical conditioning will be.

Now I would like to talk about another method called Operant Conditioning. This is basically a punishment/reward system that one could use during training.

It’s a way for the D type to encourage and maintain desired behaviors and discourage unwanted behaviors.

If you want to maintain or increase a behavior one could use reinforcement. Positive reinforcement would be giving something pleasant or desired to the s type.

Negative reinforcement would be removing something aversive.

If you want to decrease a certain behavior one could use punishment. Positive punishment would be giving the s type something aversive/undesirable. Negative punishment would be removing something pleasant or desired.

For example, positive reinforcement would be giving an s type ice cream if they like ice cream. Negative reinforcement would be taking a way doing a chore if the s type does not like doing chores. Positive punishment would be giving an s type a chore. Negative punishment would be taking a way ice cream.

Please note, it is always important to be consistent, fair, and just when using punishment/reward as well as anything a D type does.

The punishment and reward must fit what occurred. It’s important for D types to reward and punish when they are calm and well-collected because heightened negative and positive emotions can skew the punishment and reward giving process. Also, punishments should never cross any hard limits or put the s type in any danger.

The next technique I would like to talk about is Extinction. This is essentially ignoring unwanted behaviors.This can be highly effective especially if the s type’s motive for doing something is getting attention. If the s type learns that by doing said behavior they are not going to get the reward they seek, chances are they are not going to exhibit said behavior as much, and may stop doing said behavior all together.

Modeling or showing an s type step by step how something should be done can also be beneficial. This can be very effective with kinesthetic learners if the D type shows a step and then expects the s type to copy them. Physical and verbal cues can help as well. There is nothing wrong with giving your s type cues, especially at the beginning of training. You can also correct the s type as you see fit throughout the training process. People forget things and sometimes people need small reminders here and there. S types are no different.There can be a difference between willful disobedience and needing a correction. Some D types do not punish for minor corrections as long as it wasn’t due to willful disobedience.

The last technique I would like to talk to is Differential Reinforcement. DR focuses on giving positive reinforcement for a decrease in the undesired behavior, substitution of a preferred behavior, an increase in behaviors that prevent the undesired behavior, and absence of the undesired behavior.

This method allows one to be rewarded for progress.It allows for a lot of encouragement as the s type is trying to reach the set goal.

There is so much more I could say about these topics. Training can be much more complex than I am making it seem in this article. I am just trying to provide a brief overview of these techniques with the hope that others will ask questions, and do their own research to further their understanding.

It takes a lot of various resources, time, flexibility, patience, trial/error, communication, attentiveness, and mindfulness to train another person. Adults have already been conditioned by their childhood and their past experiences. It is a huge undertaking for a D type/Master to condition an s type contrary to what the s type already is doing and exhibiting. However, it can be done. It might just take going back to the drawing board a few times and/or using multiple techniques simultaneously and/or throughout the training process.

It should be noted though that training SHOULD NEVER cross an s type’s hard limits or put them in harm’s way-physically, emotionally, or mentally. An s type’s own timing should be considered and they should not be asked to do something or train on something that would be unhealthy for them.Training can be challenging for the s type, but it has to be something that the s type can realistically and healthily take on and consents to taking on.

As always, feel free to ask questions and leave comments. Thanks for reading and stay tuned!

About the Author:

Slave Bunny, a 1950’s power slave, is involved in a wonderful and loving TPE 24/7 M/S relationship with her Master and husband. She is also the Creative Director of Kink Weekly.

She has dedicated her life to working on herself mentally, spiritually, and physically, and hopes to inspire others to do the same. Through teaching and mentoring, she hopes to help everyone in the Kink community as much as she can.

Feel free to add her on Fetlife (Slave_Bunny992) to see her upcoming workshops and classes.

 

Tagged With: bdsm, D/s, kink, master, power exchange, slave, training

Long Distance D/s

March 12, 2018 By Baadmaster 5 Comments

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As the Internet turns twenty, more or less, we should address the popularity of long distance D/s relationships. For the most part, the days of “Master, twenty-seven years old with twenty-five years experience looking for submissive” are gone. With technology like Skype, Duo, Facetime and webcamming, among others, it is fairly easy to get a handle on what your long-distance party is or is not. Thus are born a myriad of LDR’s that can approximate many of the aspects of a proximate D/s relationship. That is the good news.

The bad news is that, when you are in a long distance Dom/me-sub relationship, it can often be difficult to maintain the power exchange that is at the heart of such an arrangement.

The D/s dynamic is relatively easy to maintain when the Dom/me and sub are proximate.  The Dom/me gives an order and can quickly evaluate how the sub obeys. Punishment or reward might be called for; the Dom/me can make an instant assessment of the situation.  But, the principles of consistency and swiftness of reward and punishment that apply to live-in Master/slave relationships do not necessarily translate to long-distance relationships; in-person Dominance can be hard to duplicate. There can be time delays in the Dom/me’s discovering infractions, just as there can be interruptions in meting out the actual punishment; these obstacles can even result in unintended misunderstandings.  Thus, you might be wise for both parties to cut a little slack in all interactions when in a LDR. Murphy’s Law – “What can go wrong, will go wrong” – is in full effect in LDR’s!

In a long-distance BDSM relationship, the following concerns, ones that might be easily overlooked in a local liaison, must be addressed. And, they should be dealt with as quickly as possible. (If you have already covered these points, then you should be less worried about your relationship.)

  1. What are your “away” rules? Can he/she see other men/women? Are you allowed to play? What exactly constitutes play? Hard and soft limits. These are items can usually talked about over coffee; in long distance they are often overlooked. Besides, in local, the “horniness because of distance” factor does not apply. These critical concerns must be covered in great detail, to both parties’ satisfaction.
  2. Do you both see the monogamy/poly continuum in the same way? Is he/she a “one-slave” Dom/me? A “one-slave” Dom/me with play partners? A poly Dom/me? Are you the only collared slave he/she plans to have? With respect to these issues, are you on the same page that he/she is on?
  3. You should agree on a specific call schedule. For example, you might agree to speak on the phone twice a week and Skype/Facetime/Duo (or whatever interface you both use) once a week. Obviously, if this schedule isn’t adhered to, anxiety can result – so both sides must make a special effort to stick to the routine until you unite for good.

Starting off on a good foundation is extremely important here. In a local relationship, you can fix things quickly with a face-to-face talk over dinner. In long-distance, this is impossible. Dinner means a plane trip and those wonderful TSA lines. Thus, small problems can fester and can become big problems. If you can nip them in the bud, you have a much better chance in your long-distance romance.

When you are dealing with LDR’s, different rules apply. Since you are both far away from each other, either side can hide lots of baggage. Thus, both sides must be held to a higher standard – if you are planning to take it real time someday. Trust must be virtually absolute. The fact that you say, “The phone calls used to be twice a month and now it’s been a couple months since I have talked to him/her,” is a red flag. Red flags eat into trust; and without trust your relationship will die. But, there might be a reasonable explanation. So, before you jump off the “trust express,” make sure your concerns are real and not unfounded paranoia. (Long-distance relationships and paranoia are roommates!)

Our technology is such that you can easily see the other person. And there is nothing like seeing the other person’s face to know all’s right with the world! Long distance is tough enough without both of you disappearing into the vague world of misunderstood e-mails, texting and Twitter DM’s!

By BaadMaster
After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.

Tagged With: D/s, dom, domme, long distance, master, slave, sub, submissive

The Recipe for Imparted Presence

March 5, 2018 By slave_bunny 4 Comments

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Hi everyone! I am writing this article to educate readers about one of the most essential things needed (in my opinion) to have a long-term 24/7 power exchange relationship.

A lot of people believe that M/s relationships are about micro-management leading to macro-management. What I mean by this is that at the beginning of a dynamic and/or during training phrases, the slave may have to be more micromanaged, given more direction, told step by step what to do/what is expected of them, the Master may have to check every detail/step to make sure things are done correctly, etc.

There is nothing wrong with this, and if a dynamic wanted to keep being micro-managed that is completely okay (as long as the dynamic is not based on fear or distrust). Please note, power exchange dynamics should never be based on fear or distrust. Power exchange dynamics should promote a sense of safety and trust for all involved, and these two things should flourish as time goes on. If this is not happening, and someone is repeatedly distrusting of their partner, then some changes should be made to remedy these things.

Some s types do not wish to stay micro-managed forever, and some D types do not wish to micromanage long term either. Some D types hope to equip their s types with enough skills, training, knowledge, etc (over time) to carry out their will effortlessly without having to give them specific step by step instructions for every single order or task. I am in NO WAY saying that D types shouldn’t take an active role or check in with their s types. They ALWAYS should. What I am saying is that some D types (after proper training has been done) expect that they can trust their s type to accomplish what they asked and in the manner they want said task done without so much supervision and oversight.

It’s kind of a like a parent who raises a child and as the child grows and proves they are becoming more competent, their parent tries to oversee them less because the parent trusts they will follow the parent’s rules and will live up to the parent’s expectations.

Power exchange relationships can be very similar in this regard. It really comes down to how much trust has been built in a power exchange dynamic for the D type to lessen their oversight.

One way for trust to grow within the D type for the s type is imparted presence. Imparted presence happens when the s type has been adequately trained, has developed trust for their D type, when they know their D type really well- the D type’s wants, needs, preferences, expectations,etc., when they know how the D type would go about doing something, when they know how the D type expects the s type to behave in many different settings, when they know how the D type handles most situations/wants them to handle most situations etc. After these things have been accomplished and clearly communicated, the s type can then begin to develop imparted presence. In short, this type of presence requires the s type essentially having the D type “in their head” even when the D type isn’t around. When this occurs, the s type is able to behave how their D type wishes (whether the D type is around or not) without a direct order from their D type and without the D type governing the s type’s behavior directly.

Essentially, the s type has been so well trained that the D type is now “a part of” the s type and their decision making process.The s type and D type have become one to some degree and the s type feels he/she is connected to their D type mentally.

Many people feel that M/s is all about the s type and D type becoming one and some put a lot of emphasis on acquiring imparted presence.

However, imparted presence can be a goal for any kind of dynamic.

I can tell you from personal experience that having imparted presence has made my Master’s and my life a lot easier. Imparted presence has allowed my Master to have more faith in me as his slave and also allows him to spend less time overseeing things. After years of being together, there are plenty of things that he used to have to heavily supervise that now he just knows I can do and occasionally checks in with to make sure things are still going smoothly.

This being said there are still a lot of new things that come up as life changes that I have to be trained on that I do not have imparted presence with yet. And that’s completely okay. There are always going to be new things that need to be implemented and trained. That’s a fact of life.

What I am trying to say is that just because at a particular time a sub has imparted presence on all protocols, doesn’t mean that they always will. In my opinion, a healthy relationship requires constant modification and implementing new things as times change.

Also, on a further note, imparted presence takes time, patience, adequate training, and a lot of work for all involved. It comes from having a very solid foundation, and being able to communicate clearly and effectively.

These things are the true recipe for imparted presence.

In short,

Imparted Presence = Effective/Communication Regarding Expectations, Protocols, Etc.

+

Adequate Training

+

Patience

+

Time

+

Solid Foundation

+

S Type Being Committed to Following Their D Type’s Will

If all of these things are done properly, it would be very easy for any s type to achieve imparted presence if that is one of the goals of their dynamic.

Again, it does not have to be, and a dynamic can exist very well without it. I am merely providing one possible goal for any dynamic that wishes to have less supervision as times goes on.

As always, please feel free to ask questions and comment. Thanks for reading and stay tuned!

About the Author:

Slave Bunny, a 1950’s power slave, is involved in a wonderful and loving TPE 24/7 M/S relationship with her Master and husband. She is also the Creative Director of Kink Weekly.

She has dedicated her life to working on herself mentally, spiritually, and physically, and hopes to inspire others to do the same. Through teaching and mentoring, she hopes to help everyone in the Kink community as much as she can.

Feel free to add her on Fetlife (Slave_Bunny992) to see her upcoming workshops and classes.

 

Tagged With: 24/7, D/s, M/s, power exchange

The How’s and Why’s of 1950’s Power Exchange Dynamics

January 22, 2018 By slave_bunny 1 Comment

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In honor of my 1950’s classes coming up (Jan 22 at Sanctuary and Feb 10 at Threshold) I wanted to write an article that shows the Kink community how one can keep the 1950’s alive no matter what your lifestyle entails, and the positives that go along with 1950’s power exchange dynamics. One might think that a 1950’s dynamic is only possible if you are a heterosexual, married couple due to the Ward and June Cleaver stereotype. I hope I can show you otherwise.

A traditional 1950’s 24/7 M/s or D/s home is usually where the Master/Dom holds all/most of the power, is the main decision maker, and is usually the breadwinner. The sub in this kind of dynamic is usually the homemaker (takes care of the home, family, kids, Master, etc.). However, this structure can be heavily modified to fit the needs of your household.

To many of you this may sound outdated, but hopefully after explaining what you can gain from this kind of dynamic you will begin to think of 1950’s dynamics differently.

Benefits

There are many benefits to having a 1950’s dynamic and/or implementing some facet of the 1950’s into your life. The first that comes to mind is the structure of the 50’s provides very clear- cut roles and responsibilities for both the Dom and sub.

The breadwinner/homemaker dynamic has been modeled for us time and time again by our parents, grandparents, and TV/film. Most people have some idea of what the 50’s stood for and have a clear picture in their heads of what the breadwinner/homemaker dynamic usually looked like during this time. This creates a very solid foundation for us to base our dynamics off of.

Another benefit is that one can escape modern society to a certain degree. The 1950’s were about families spending time together, eating dinner together, etc. Family dinners and family outings could be implemented to keep everyone connected to one another. One could also implement protocols that limit technology during these times. All of these things will bring those in the house closer together and help strengthen the bonds between everyone involved.

If you are living in a traditional 1950’s household (where the Dom/Master is the breadwinner and the sub/slave is the homemaker) the Master/Dom (since the sub/slave is taking care of the house, kids, family, etc.) has more time to focus on whatever they wish such as their career, the future, etc. The slave/sub no longer has to worry about having to work and can focus more on hobbies and interests. The slave/sub is essentially free of making big life decisions such as 41 k’s and stocks.

How To Keep The 1950’s Alive

There are three main ways that I know of to keep the 1950’s alive. I’m sure there are more; I am just writing about the ways I am familiar with. Feel free to mix and match these; it’s entirely up to you.

The first is the look of the 1950’s. You can be single or attached to implement this. The look of the 50’s would include everything from 50’s clothes to entertainment to transportation to housewares, etc. It would entail capturing the aesthetic of the era in one way or another.

The second is the feeling of the 1950’s. The 1950’s were thought of as being wholesome, good-natured, and innocent. Men were gentlemen and women were lady-like. Everyone knew their roles and performed their daily tasks to the best of their ability. Handouts were never expected, and people were very appreciative of what they were given including discipline. Many different types of protocols can be used to keep these things present. Below are just a few examples.

The 1950’s were very much about roles. So, whatever your role is in your household, it would be very “1950’s” to define them clearly and be consistent with them.

Polite language protocols could also be implemented to further enforce the feeling of the 1950’s such as always saying “yes, sir” and “yes ma’am” instead of saying “yeah.”

Discipline/spankings were commonplace in the 1950’s. Ads and movies were filled with men spanking women during this time. Spankings were acceptable as long as they weren’t degrading or abusive. Disciplinary spankings could be something you could begin using to add a little 50’s flare to your life.

However, if you engage in spanking for play and use it for discipline please make sure the two are very different. Spanking for discipline should have an adverse effect without being abusive or crossing any hard limits. My Master and I have certain implements for kinky spankings and certain implements for discipline spankings. My discipline implement is a wooden ruler, which gives me no sexual pleasure. My kinky spanking instrument is a paddle which I enjoy very much. Bottom line, just make sure that the spanking for discipline does not turn into play or anything sexual. It should serve its purpose of disciplining the individual.

The third is the relationship style/household structure of the 50’s. This is the “traditional 1950’s” M/s and/or D/s that I was referring to earlier in the article.

Please note, I fully realize that most people cannot live off only one income. I am merely stating the relationship style/household structure that most closely resembles the norm of the 1950’s. This structure can be modified to better suit one’s lifestyle in 2018. It is completely possible for all parties in a household to work full time and still have a 1950’s dynamic to some degree. Many people may only wish to engage in 1950’s roleplay. Some common practices of the 1950’s that would be great for roleplay include heavy petty, bondage, teasing, rubber underwear, and spanking.

Relationship Types 

There are also three basic relationship types that resemble those of the 1950’s. Again, feel free to mix and match these. These all resemble the traditional structure of the 1950’s in one way or another, but can be applied to any gender, lifestyle, or sexual orientation.

The first is called Taken in Hand. This is where the Head of Household (HoH) holds all/most of the power in the home. The HoH makes their relationship their top priority. The HoH makes decisions only with their submissive’s best interest in mind. The people in this type of dynamic are usually married and monogamous, but these are not pre-requisites.

The second is called 1950’s M/S. This type of dynamic is where the Master holds all/most of the power. In this type of relationship, the Master can make decisions that suit solely their needs, and they do not need to justify their choices to their slave(s). S/M scenes, rituals, contracts, rules, protocols, discipline, and spanking (in a disciplinary and/or kinky way) can be used. The people in this type of dynamic are usually unmarried and non-monogamous, but again these are not pre-requisites.

The third is called Domestic Discipline. In this type of dynamic there is again a Head of Household who holds all/most of the power and makes all/most decisions for their household. In this type of relationship, the sub would receive spankings and/or corner time (time out) for infractions. Maintenance spankings could also be given. These are spankings given not for discipline, but just to reinforce the Head of Household’s place of power within the relationship. The Head of Household also can give positive reinforcement to their sub for a job well done.

As one can see, there are so many ways to live a 1950’s-esque lifestyle. I hope this has given readers ideas on how to implement the 1950’s into your home, and the joy it can bring you and everyone in your household. Please feel free to comment and ask questions.

As always, thanks for reading and stay tuned!

About the Author:

Slave Bunny, a 1950’s power slave, is involved in a wonderful and loving TPE 24/7 M/S relationship with her Master and husband. She is also the Creative Director of Kink Weekly.

She has dedicated her life to working on herself mentally, spiritually, and physically, and hopes to inspire others to do the same. Through teaching and mentoring, she hopes to help everyone in the Kink community as much as she can.

Feel free to add her on Fetlife (Slave_Bunny992) to see her upcoming workshops and classes.

 

Tagged With: 1950s, 50s, bdsm, D/s, domestic, hot wife, house wife, M/s

Part 4: How Slavery Can Reduce Anxiety

January 9, 2018 By slave_bunny Leave a Comment

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Thank you to everyone that has been following my reduction of anxiety series. (If you’ve missed any parts of this series you may read them here: Part I, Part 2, Part 3). As promised, I am going to finish this series by going into a very specific type of slave training, meditation, subspace, and some assignments my Master has given me.

Training your slave to get into a calmer state via action or stimulus can be a very useful tool. For example, my Master has trained me to say, “Master loves me and everything is okay” when he puts his hand on my cheek.

This took a few months for me to do innately without any cues. He first told me the phrase he would like me to say when he puts his hand on my cheek. Then he showed me exactly what he meant by him “putting his hand on my cheek.”

After this, at least daily, he tested me on this. In the beginning my words would come out almost robotic. What I was saying wasn’t really calming me down probably due to the fact that I was trying to make sure I remembered to say the phrase my Master wanted me to.

After a while, once his words became ingrained in me, I began to believe the words that I was saying, and I was instantly less stressed when his palm touched my cheek.

This protocol provides another way for my Master to show he cares about my anxiety, gives me time to pause, and a moment to seek solace in my Master’s touch. It provides a way for us to feel connected when anxiety often makes me feel so alone. It re-establishes as often as needed that we are fighting my anxiety together.

He often has asked me to kneel before putting his hand on my cheek, which reinforces our dynamic even more.

I strongly recommend anyone in a power exchange relationship (that deals with anxiety) to talk with your significant other(s) about training that could be done to reduce anxiety and induce an instant calmness.

Also, don’t be discouraged if the training doesn’t work right away. As you can see from my story, it often takes some time for what is being enforced to have any kind of positive effect.

You could train via words, actions, objects, or a combination of any of these. The point is to find something that will have a calming effect and reinforce the dynamic.

We also use meditation a lot in our home. My Master will often tell me to meditate on my collar in times of stress. I so enjoy the five minutes where I can ruminate on my wonderful collar and what being my Master’s slave means to me. I also take this time to be grateful for my Master for all that he has done for me and continues to do for me. Touching my collar often helps because it connects an idea with something tangible, which for me, is quite soothing.

Meditation on such important things helps to put things in perspective, and puts the brakes on my scattered anxiety-ridden brain. It helps me to see how much I was catastrophizing and what is really important/ worth focusing on.

Everyone has a sense or two that resonates with them more than the others. Mine is touch. Someone else’s might be smell. Maybe when your s type is stressed you train him or her to plug in their favorite smelling candle, and sit and meditate while the smell of the candle helps to calm them.

Cold things used to be calming for me. I used to run my hands under cold water or touch cold metal.

Find what best works for your s type, and find creative ways to incorporate them as much as possible.

Subspace is also extremely stress-reducing. For me, it is my calmest state. When I get into this state, my Master tells me he takes the opportunity to tell me very positive and sweet things about myself. It has been told to us that subspace is a great time to reinforce self- esteem (which when out of this state can reduce overall stress). My Master also tells me that he holds and kisses me when I am in subspace. He often commands me to get out of subspace and I listen. Other times, he waits patiently for me to get out of it on my own. He decides based on whatever is best for me.

I always get out of subspace feeling refreshed and calm. When I am in subspace it feels as if I am floating. It is such a freeing feeling, and I don’t experience anything like it any other time.

If you do not wish to enter into subspace, please listen to what your body and mind are telling you. I am only making a suggestion based on my experience. Subspace is something you should only enter into when you are ready and in a safe and trusted environment.

Finally, my Master has given me a lot of assignments to help me cope with my anxiety. He has asked me write a list of twenty positive things about myself. He has also asked me to write a forgiveness letter to myself and to my family. He has had me complete anxiety and worry workbooks. He has told me to compile a list of all the things that I do not need to worry about.  I have also been assigned CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) assignments based on exaggerated and aberrated worries. These are just a few assignments that he has given me, and they have all been extremely helpful. I am happy to explain them in more detail if any of you are interested.

I hope this has given you all plenty of ideas on how to deal with anxiety. I know these may not work for everyone. I am just writing about things I have personally found helpful. My goal for this series was to spark conversations in all readers’ households (on how to better tackle this issue that plagues so many of us). As always, please feel free to comment and ask me any questions you might have. Thanks for reading!

About the Author:

Slave Bunny, a 1950’s power slave, is involved in a wonderful and loving TPE 24/7 M/S relationship with her Master and husband. She is also the Creative Director of Kink Weekly.

She has dedicated her life to working on herself mentally, spiritually, and physically, and hopes to inspire others to do the same. Through teaching and mentoring, she hopes to help everyone in the Kink community as much as she can.

Feel free to add her on Fetlife (Slave_Bunny992) to see her upcoming workshops and classes.

 

Tagged With: anxiety, bdsm, D/s, M/s, master, slave

The Punishment Manual – Part I

January 9, 2018 By Baadmaster 5 Comments

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Most D/s articles on the Internet talk about punishment in terms of spanking. “If you do not obey, I will spank you.” But how does this work if the submissive or slave actually likes to be spanked? Here we will catalogue punishments you can actually use in the real time training of a slave/submissive. This will be one of my longest articles. But I wanted to start the year off with as complete a guide to punishment as possible.
First, some basic punishment principles. It is always important to match the punishment to the infraction. Let the punishment fit the crime. When a minor infraction gets a major punishment, you are sending the wrong signal. Try to administer punishment as closely as possible to the time of the violation. In this way the sub/slave will not only be properly and predictably disciplined, but will also respect his/her Dominant. Never let a punishment cause injury. Never, ever use a hard limit as a punishment. And, finally, always start the punishment with a lecture/explanation. (This will be more fully explained in Part II).

There is a debate as to whether punishment sessions should have safe words. In the year 2018, with all these winds of social change, I would say ALWAYS have a safe word for every session. Period.
There is also the question as to whether punishment is necessary in the training of a sub/slave at all. There is no rule that says there must be punishment in a Master/slave or Dom/sub relationship. I can envision a slave so instinctual he/she needs no punishment to serve flawlessly. Surely some subs/slaves can respond perfectly to praise or disapproval alone. Different (flogger) strokes for different folks. But as The Punishment Manual is intended only for those Dom/mes who use punishment as an integral part of their training, the point is moot.
There are two sides to the discipline coin – physical punishment and mental punishment. I have found that a balanced combination of both physical and mental punishment, along with praise, to be the most effective way to train a submissive or slave.
What follows are specific punishments that can be used effectively in the training of a sub/slave. I used many of them myself. Here is Part I – the “Physical Punishments” section.

PHYSICAL PUNISHMENTS

  1. Find the “butt-beating” implement that your submissive dislikes. If he/she hates the paddle, cane or a particular flogger in your collection, use it. Look no further, you have found the perfect tool of discipline. When your submissive or slave commits an infraction that requires punishment, bring out the paddle or cane (or whatever implement is on the sub’s “un-wish” list) and administer punishment.
    But keep out wary eye out for signs that the submissive is actually enjoying the “punishment.” Make sure you do not let the submissive get into subspace. If you see the submissive hitting “space,” stop. And tell the submissive why you are stopping.
    Clever “bratty” subs have been known to misbehave in order to get a good beating. This might be fine for role-play or scening, but is counter-productive if you are seriously trying to train a submissive or slave. If this is the case, switch to another form of punishment.
  2. Hair pulling is a great way to get your point across. Especially when verbal disapproval accompanies this action. A good hair pulling session with a “what did you do wrong” question and response routine is awfully effective.
  3. A very popular punishment for a mouthy submissive is the age-old one of washing the mouth out with soap. This has worked for the last hundred years and will probably work for a hundred more!
  4. “Sensory Deprivation” is perhaps the single most “unforgettable” punishment a Master/Mistress/Dom/Domme can mete out. Being tied and left alone – especially when ballgagged and even blindfolded — for a period of time is another punishment the submissive will not soon forget! In this technology era, a camera should be observing the submissive. And the Dom/me should be monitoring the camera on the cell phone at all times for any signs of distress or the safe word.
  5. “Corporal Punishment” is a combination punishment – it encompasses both the physical and mental side. This corporal punishment “script” can be altered in many ways – but the major point is the question and response during the punishment. For example — “Does sub/slave know why he/she is being punished?” “Yes, Sir/Ma’am. I have shamed Master/Mistress by (reciting offense).” You can incorporate this Q and A technique to just about any physical punishment.
  6. A variation on the sensory deprivation theme is being kept in a cage. Depending on the submissive’s fears (if it is a hard limit, avoid this as a punishment), this can be the one thing the submissive fears most. Requiring the submissive to eat out of a bowl is another aspect of this punishment that can be quite effective. Again, the objective is to know and understand your submissive or slave. To repeat – if caging, eating out of a bowl or sensory deprivation is a hard limit, this is not a punishment you should ever use.
  7. There is really no limit on what you can use as punishment. Sometimes play that is enjoyable can be used as punishment when done in a disapproving manner or on another area of the body. For example, wax play on the buttocks might be one of your submissive’s favorite activities. But when applied to the breasts, the sub might hate it. In this case, use it!
    These are the types of physical punishments that can be used when training a submissive or a slave. In Part II, I will outline mental punishments that will give you great ideas how to put the “D” in D/s!

By BaadMaster
After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.

Tagged With: bdsm, D/s, M/s, punishment

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