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Interview with Shay

November 5, 2018 By slave_bunny 3 Comments


How did you get your start in the Kink Community? What drew you to this lifestyle?

I came into the kink community in 2003, when my partner Stefanos and I were living in Minnesota. Prior to that, Stefanos had been involved in fetish event production, and we’d both done kinky bedroom play for pretty much as long as we’d been having sex. We were also both Live Action Role Players (LARPers), which is how we met, and that’s pretty damned kinky in our books! We started to go to Minnesota munches and play events, and met our mentor Koroban. That was very much the beginning of my time in the kink community.

Can you elaborate on your work in the community? What projects are you currently working on?

I recently finished getting selfsuspend.com up and running, and my biggest project right now is working on writing a book on self-suspension… which is incredibly time-consuming! I’m very inspired by “creating the work I want to see in the world” – when I first started with self-suspension, there were very few online resources, and no classes or mentors in my area. I ended up taking content from a partnered suspension context and adapting it myself, and basically being self-taught in a lot of areas. I try to think about what content would have been helpful for me when I was a curious beginner, and working on getting that information out there in a more accessible way.

You teach a wide range of subjects – can you talk about your process for developing classes?

Most of my classes are co-taught with my partner Stefanos, and our class list has developed slowly over the years. We were first inspired to present when we came back from Shibaricon (a large rope convention in Chicago). At the time we were part of a small Minnesota community that didn’t have much by way of formal classes available. Members of the youth group we were part of asked us to share our bondage knowledge, and our Remedial Ropes classes were born. Many of our classes have come about this way – a friend will tell us that they love watching us do cutting, or playful BDSM scenes, or pick-up play, and will ask “hey, can you teach me how to do that?” Due to my professional knowledge, I’m asked to present on medical and safety topics pretty frequently.

Generally our process has been that we start with broader classes, and then divide them into more focused classes as we hone the content. We presented locally, first in Minnesota and then in San Francisco, starting in 2005. We didn’t travel to present at our first convention until 2011, so we really took our time presenting and developing our classes on the local level before taking the “show on the road” as it were!

What is your favorite class to present, and why?

I’ve been super into presenting self-suspension, especially when I can make an afternoon intensive of it. I’ve worked really hard to make the content as accessible as possible – my goal is for everyone in the class to self-suspend and feel really good and accomplished having had that successful experience. My first exposures to shibari-style rope suspension made me feel really crappy and inadequate, like I wasn’t a worthy rope human, and I’m trying to give folks and experience of success and fun in their own ropes!

When I’m presenting with my partner Stefanos, our favorite class is It’s a Trap: Playful Scenes and Non-Bondage Predicaments. It’s a very demo-heavy class, and we usually have at least three stunt bottoms working with us, which always creates a fun and unique energy.

Do you structure your classes or just go off the cuff?

Our classes are ridiculously structured! I have detailed, pages long outlines that I print off and work from, which even includes the amount of time to spend on each subject. Of course, within that there is still quite a bit of space and each class is still unique and different – it’s an outline, not a script! For example, the outline might list that we have ten minutes to demo and discuss a toy ordering game as a negotiation tool, so that’s the broad strokes, but the exact execution of that will vary each time.

You’re known for your self-suspension performances, as well as curating shows that include kink and bondage performance. In your opinion, what makes for a great performer?

The biggest thing I’m always pushing performers to do is to create shorter acts. Less really is more! It’s hard to do a short performance, because it makes you really hone down your presentation, but putting in the work makes you really polished and focused. I always think about this quote from Woodrow Wilson, when he was asked how long it takes him to prepare a speech: “It depends. If I am to speak ten minutes, I need a week for preparation; if fifteen minutes, three days; if half an hour, two days; if an hour, I am ready now.” I’m interested in the TED-talks of bondage performances, and it takes a different level of preparation. If you’re doing a scene on stage and want to take 45 minutes, that’s fine (and some folks certainly prefer that type of performance, I’m not here to Twue Way on this), but that’s a very different type of performance than the acts I do, curate, and enjoy as an audience member. IMHO, there is a difference between “scene rope” and “performance rope” and I enjoy pushing the boundaries of that distinction.

What keeps you coming back to perform within the community?

There’s something so satisfying about coming up with a concept, music, costumes, and routine for a performance, just creating all that out of nothing at all and then getting to execute it on a stage is just incredible. When I first started doing rope performance, the vast majority of what I saw in terms of bondage on stage was shibari-style, men topping women… and I wanted to represent something outside of that. I’ve been performing (and creating performances) since childhood dance classes, so it’s something that’s always been part of my life. In addition, I’ve come to embrace that my “core kink” is exhibitionism. I don’t do much private play at all – I love being watched, so being on stage also feeds that!

How would you recommend that newcomers get started with learning bondage?

For folks just starting with rope, we do think that you can get a lot of basic safety information online, including sites like RemedialRopes.com. Mentoring and taking in-person classes is optimal, once you start to actually tie – many areas have rope classes, munches, or peer-led events. To supplement your in-person instruction, consider sites like KinkAcademy.com, which is a great place for tons of videos. Many instructors offer private lessons, as well, which is a great option if that is affordable for you. Get references on specific instructors and classes if you can – not all bondage instructors teach or tie in a style that will be a match with your bondage and/or learning preferences. I really recommend self-tying as a way to start – it teaches you about both rope topping and rope bottoming, and is a wonderful way to learn!

Can you give advice for individuals that want to learn new hard and soft skills? Dos and don’ts?

Don’t be afraid to learn online and from videos. I got most of my early suspension bondage education from YouTube – don’t let the rope snobs tell you that’s not a valid resource! I always recommend in-person instruction, but it’s not possible or accessible for everyone all the time, so videos can be a great way to supplement that. Also along those lines: DO get your information from multiple sources! Having someone mentor you in person, and also taking a few classes, and also reading some books, and also watching videos is optimal IMHO. You want to get a variety of perspectives and approaches!

What events are next on your schedule?

I’m producing the bondage and kink performance event Twisted Windows on the Friday of Folsom weekend (9/28) here in San Francisco, as well as numerous other local events (BENT, Self-Suspension Open Space, Master’s Den, etc). I help with programming for Dark Odyssey: Surrender, which is a weekend hotel kink conference in San Francisco, and am getting geared up for that event, as well as starting to plan 2019 travel!


About Shay and Stefanos

Stefanos & Shay are a vivacious, unconventional D/s couple whose entertaining, information-packed classes have been called “better than a Vegas act.” They identify as pansexual polyamorous playsluts, purveyors of perversion, and alliteration fetishists! They are based in San Francisco, where they host over 60 events a year (including BENT, Twisted Windows, Master’s Den, Self-Suspension Open Space, & Bondage-a-Go-Go) and were named King & Queen of Pervert’s Prom in 2006!

Shay is a medical professional by day, education director for Dark Odyssey: Surrender and writer/creator of bondage safety repositoryRemedialRopes.com by night, as well as a prominent self-suspender known for unique, dynamic rigs and prodigious performances. Stefanos is all kink all the time as DM & CEO of Bondage-a-Go-Go, event manager at the SF Citadel, and former Producer/Steward of The Upper Floor on Kink.com.

Stefanos & Shay have performed, presented, and hosted around the country and internationally, including at Dark Odyssey (Winter Fire, Surrender, & Fusion), Rome BDSM Conference, Thunder in the Mountains, KinkFest, RopeCraft, Northwest Leather Celebration, Westcoast Bound, San Francisco State University, Stanford University, OpenSF, Kinky Kollege, Beyond Leather, the SF Citadel, Mission Control, Center for Sex and Culture, the Exotic Erotic Ball, International Ms Leather, BayCon, COPE, Mischief in May, Folsom Fringe, and Cum & Glitter. They’ve also been featured on KinkAcademy.com, PassionateU.com, BehindKink, Discovery Channel’s Oddities, Skin Two, KinkUniversity, and in over half a dozen documentaries across the world.

For more from Stefanos & Shay, check out their bondage safety web site and the site for Twisted Windows, their kink performance event in San Francisco!

Shay also created a self-suspension web site! If you’d like to learn self-suspension, you can check out articles, video tutorials, and much more. Contact Shay for more information about self-suspension.

You can watch a video of one of our performances here

Stefanos was interviewed by Vice regarding Bondage-a-Go-Go and the SF kink scene — watch the interview here.

Interested in booking Stefanos & Shay to present or perform at your event? Contact us!

Be sure to check out their website too!

https://www.stefanosandshay.com/

Tagged With: bdsm, bondage, bottom, dom, fetish, kink, power exchange, Rope, rope performance, rope play, Shay, shibari, Stefanos, sub, Top

10 tips for shibari beginners

October 22, 2018 By Baadmaster 2 Comments


The title of this article, “Shibari Made Easy,” is really just a tease. Obviously, this would be more like, “Learn Brain Surgery In One Hour.” But now that I have your attention, I can help you have fun with rope bondage right out of the box!

Here at kinkweekly.com, we have spotlighted a video on Shibari —www.kinkweekly.com/photography/french-shibari-rope-hogtied/ Yes, it looks intimidating. And to learn Shibari, I suggest you study with a Rope Master if you wish to learn this incredible art form. Surely, it cannot be explained in one article. As to where you can find a Shibari instructor, I recommend you contact your local BDSM dungeon and talk to them. It is something that will require more than book knowledge; hands-on instruction will surely be the order of the day if you wish to start to learn this amazing skill.

That being said, I can give you some quick general rope bondage tips and concepts to get your feet wet in the world of rope bondage. And if you are a younger lifestyler, where many people understandably want instant BDSM gratification, this article can get you up and running pretty quickly – not full blown Shibari — if you follow my guidelines.

Keep in mind that you don’t have to be a Rope Master to do a fantastic rope bondage scene. If you follow these ten basic precautions you can start almost immediately.

 

  1. Best you start out at a reputable dungeon where you can observe and ask questions in addition to playing.
  2. If at a dungeon, ask the Dungeon Monitor if you have any questions.
  3. Have a safe word and safe signal. Negotiate all limits beforehand.
  4. Don’t cut off circulation. Check to see that one finger fits between the bonds and the skin.
  5. If you see skin discoloration, or other signs of severe discomfort, stop the scene whether the submissive safes or not.
  6. If your partner is experiencing numbness and/or is unable to move an extremity, cut them out from the rope bondage immediately.
  7. Don’t put rope around the neck, ever.
  8. Never leave a bound submissive alone, ever.
  9. Have bandage scissors at the ready.
  10. Don’t forget aftercare.  

Rope tips:  Use half inch or even 5/8th inch nylon rope to start with. This can be purchased at any “Home Depot” type store. I would caution against hemp, sisal or some of the harder ropes. The thicker nylon ropes have more “give” and thus are well suited for beginners.

Scene suggestions for those new to rope bondage:  To get your feet wet in bondage, you might start by tying a submissive to a chair. This is probably the easiest rope bondage scene imaginable. You start by tying one arm, then proceed to the other one. This surely isn’t Shibari. But it is easy to do right out of the box, so to speak. Just observe the listed safety precautions and tie away. Add a blindfold and you have the makings of a very hot scene!

Tying a sub to any stationary object is quite similar to tying her/him to a chair. Some rope, a little common sense, some basic safety precautions and you are good to go.

If you go to a dungeon, using rope to tie a submissive to a St. Andrew’s Cross can be exciting – and quite dramatic. Once the slave is tied to the cross, the fun begins. If you are at a dungeon, you can ask anyone there about basic rope ties. If you are at a loss, just cuff your submissive and then tie the cuffs to the cross with ropes. This is a great way to introduce you and your submissive to the world of rope bondage. Again, it might not be Japanese rope bondage, but it can be a lot of fun!

Finally, if you have a female submissive, one of the most popular bondage activities is good old breast bondage. Once again, it is pretty easy to do – but make sure you stop if the breasts become discolored or the bottom safes. Better safe than sorry.

Rope bondage in all its forms – from light to heavy to simple rope ties to Shibari — is truly an art form that takes “a minute to learn, a lifetime to master.” And, you can have a lot of fun doing it during that lifetime!


About the Author

After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.

 

 

 

Tagged With: baadmaster, bdsm, bondage, fetish, kink, rope play, shibari

French Shibari Rope Hogtied

September 10, 2018 By Cerbere Bondage 3 Comments

french shibari rope hogtied bdsm par cerbere 2 from cerbere bondage on Vimeo.

Tagged With: bdsm, bottom, dom, fetish, kink, power exchange, rope play, shibari, sub, Top

Beautiful Rope Bondage Performance with Rachel Ki

June 18, 2018 By Crash Restraint 4 Comments

Performance: “Cubed” with Rachel Ki from Crash Restraint on Vimeo

Tagged With: Rope, rope bondage, rope bondage performance, rope play

B.I.G. Production’s Rope Bondage Music Video

May 14, 2018 By B.I.G. Production 5 Comments

Maria_Why did I love you so from Bondage_AlekZander on Vimeo.

Music by Maria Zaitseva
Lyrics by Natalie Safonova
Sound Producer: Anton Chumachenko
Bondage by Alek Zander
Video by B.I.G. PRODUCTION

Tagged With: bdsm, bondage, harness, kink, music, Rope, rope play, submissive

Demo Florence – Shibari Study

March 19, 2018 By Shibari Study 5 Comments

DEMO FLORENCE – Shibari Study from Shibari Study on Vimeo.

THE CONTENT OF THIS VIDEO IS NOT INSTRUCTIONAL
THE FOLLOWING VIDEO DISPLAYS A DEMONSTRATION PERFORMED BY A SKILLED PROFESSIONAL
FOR INSTRUCTIONAL CONTENT – Shibari tutorials, tips & tricks, and more : shibari-study.com !!!

Tagged With: artful shibari, bound, knots, Rope, rope play, rope tying, shibari, shibari study, suspended

Easy – Son Lux

February 19, 2018 By joyfulnoise 3 Comments

We recently stumbled across this music video while listening to music and researching awesome content for our photography and videography section. Had to share as the rigging and rope play in this video is just spectacular.

Directed by: David Terry Fine.

From the LP “Lanterns” by Son Lux.

Rigging and Bondage by: Mack & Seraphine

Youtube Channel: Joyful Noise Productions

Tagged With: bondage, rigging, Rope, rope play, suspension, videography

Bound Fantasy

October 24, 2017 By mistresslaurent 4 Comments

man bound laying on side back 4 sepia discus siennaoverlay suspended man hanging upside down man peeking through ropes Tied up and blindfolded weight training bondafe legs crossed covered in water

Photography by Mistress Laurent

In the vanilla world, Mistress Laurent’s career has spanned Fashion and Commercial Photography as well as being a Professor of Digital Media Arts at a Florida Art College. It was only a few years ago that she took a step back from the fast-paced life of advertising, and decided to only shoot her passion: her love of rope, men and photographic lighting. She has never looked back.

You can find her at lots of South Florida kink events:  Ropes and Whips classes, play parties and the South Florida Fetish Photo club. She is on the board of ClubFEM South Florida, as well. She has given many lighting and Photohop seminars within both the Kink and the vanilla world at large.

If you would like to see more of her work, you can find her on FetLife:

https://fetlife.com/users/3748683 OR email her at alt.pix@hotmail.com

Tagged With: bound, bound men, mistress laurent, photography, rope bondage, rope play, tied up

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